Archive of Our Own ^beta

Trinity didn’t like babies. They were loud, often sticky and smelly, rarely understood her jokes and way too breakable. They were also, to her great inconvenience, soft, fragile, innocent creatures that couldn’t protect themselves.

“I can’t protect you”, Trinity told Baby Jane Doe as she checked in on her. “Not just the fact that I don’t even know you, and it probably would be illegal. I’d be shit at it. Absolutely horrible. You like me now, but just you wait, you’ll hate me. So it’s much better for you if we let Dylan find you a nice foster-family. Expect that that won’t happen until you’re fully cleared. And then, who knows what kind of family you’ll end up with. They might be abusive, or neglectful, or just kind of stupid. What if they don’t know how to protect you? If I took you home, I’d make sure you were safe. No evil men would ever hurt you. But somebody will have to feed you, and change your diapers, and stay calm when you wake them up for the fifth time in one night. And that’s just not me.” She took a moment to readjust Jane's blanket, wondering what her life would be like. Probably pretty shitty. Pretty alone. Far less protected than she should be. “I need to get back to work now.”

Dennis didn’t blame Jane Doe's mother, whoever she was. He didn’t blame his own mother for not loving him, either. Heaven knew she’d tried. Love just didn’t work that way.

But it wasn’t Jane Doe’s fault either. That was the thought he came back to, again and again. She was a baby. She had no control, had just done what babies do with no ill intent or even understanding, and now she was all alone in the world. 

He thought about his own nieces and nephews. He was sure the number had grown since he’d lost contact with his family. How many nieces or nephews did he have now, that had never been held by him? Did the older ones remember him? Did they ever ask, what happened to uncle Dennis? Did they miss him?

Dennis missed them. He missed his father and mother and brothers, even though none of them had ever been especially kind to him. A part of him still believed that maybe, if he was good enough, they would want him. Love him, the way he wanted to be loved.

What kind of people would Baby Jane Doe end up with? Would they be able to love her the way a child needed to be loved? Or would she end up growing into a stranger in her own home, slowly drifting further and further away as the place that had been made for her stopped fitting?

The thought twisted something too deep inside him and he wished, desperately, that there might be something he could do. Maybe he could write a letter to whoever was going to end up taking her. He could ask them to give Jane Doe his number, to tell her that if she ever needed something or somebody, she could always come find him. It didn’t feel like enough.

Trinity spotted Dylan walking by, and despite having every intent of focussing on her charting, she ended up hurrying after him.

“Dylan! Do you have a moment?”

Upon hearing his name called the man stopped, turning to her with a worried expression. “Of course. Do you have a patient that might need my help?”

“I- maybe, I guess. I wanted to ask what’s happening with Jane Doe.”

Dylan gave her a sad smile. “I wish I could tell her. As of now, we’re still hoping to track down family. While she still needs medical attention she will stay in the hospital. After that, foster-care.”

“But she’s a perfect little baby. There have to be tons of people wanting to adopt.”

“Oh, there are. But we can’t just put her up for adoption without being sure the birth-family won’t want her back.”

“But foster care sucks”, Trinity stated. Not that adoption was so great, but foster-care? Baby Jane Doe could end up with anybody, who could do anything to her, with barely any consequences. 

“Sometimes it does, yes.”

“You’ll make sure she goes to a good family, right? People who will love her and take care of her and keep her safe? And that will stick with her until her birth-family is found?”

“I’ll try, but I think you know that it’s not that easy. Fostering a child is always a challenge, especially in situations like this where we have an unknown medical history and no information about the circumstances of her abandonment. If it even is that.”

Trinity knew all of that. She also knew that Dylan would do his job and do his best to find a good family. There was no need for her to be asking those questions.

“In theory. What would need to happen for somebody to foster her?”

Dylan's raised eyebrows told her that she wasn’t being subtle at all. “Well. There’s a process to becoming a licensed foster-parent. There are classes that need to be taken, certain qualifications, and a home-visit. It usually takes a few months.”

“Ah.” Good. That meant by the time Trinity would even be allowed to take the baby home, Jane would already be with another family. 

“Under certain circumstances the process can be expedited, though.”

Fuck.

“What kind of circumstances?”

“If a child is in acute need of a place to stay, sometimes people can volunteer as emergency-foster-parent. It would still involve home-visists and a court hearing, but I think I could get you through the process in a week or so.”

“Who said I was talking about me?”, Trinity replied sharply.

“Sorry. I must have misinterpreted.” Dylan didn’t bother to make it sound convincing.

“Right. So what would a hypothetical person need to pass a home-visit? And there has to be paperwork, right?”

“I’ve actually got some informational material for situations like this. If you want I can get it to you, so you can take a look.”

“Yea, that would be great. Thanks.”

Dennis hadn’t dared to hold Baby Jane Doe so far, because he knew once he did, he would be done for. It had been the same with Amy's baby. There was just something about holding a little life in your arms, a baby fully trusting that you would bring them nothing but comfort and warmth, that you wouldn’t let them down. It made Dennis want to do exactly that.

“You’ve gone to med-school while raising a child, right?” Dennis asked Cassie as they were working together on a case.

“I did. Why?”

“I was just wondering… how hard was it?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve gotten somebody pregnant.”

“What? No! I was just- I was wondering about Baby Jane Doe.”

Cassie looked at him critically. “I’m not going to tell you you shouldn’t do it. But let me tell you, raising a baby is hard. Sleepless nights, no days off… you will be exhausted. If you don’t have any support, I honestly wouldn’t recommend it.”

“That makes sense.”

Dennis felt a sting at the reminder that even now he really didn’t have any support. Well, he had Trinity, who had not only let him move in with her rent-free but continued to bully him into eating the food she bought. But he doubted her generosity would extend to a baby. Trinity didn’t even like babies.

“If you’re really set on doing it, though… I know the hospital has a lot of support-programs for parents, and since you’re an intern now, you could take advantage of all of them. If you want I can hunt down what exactly we offer here, so you can decide for yourself if it’s worth it.”

“You would do that? That would be amazing, thank you!”

Trinity was sitting at her work-station, chart open. She wasn’t charting. She was reading through the requirements for fostering a child. Mostly it seemed to be material requirements. Having their own room wasn’t required for new-borns, but she’d probably have to move at some point. Unless Dennis chose to move out, now that he was actually earning money. They hadn’t talked about it, and Trinity sure wasn’t going to bring it up, because she was pretty certain Dennis would bolt the moment he felt like he might be a bother. Probably right into the arms of Amy, who Trinity was growing increasingly suspicious of. As far as she was concerned, she was more than happy to drag Dennis with her if she moved homes, even if that meant hearing his shitty funk-music. 

For now, she mostly needed things. A bed. A car-seat. Diapers. Formula. Clothes. That was all easy. What wasn’t easy was the question of actual childcare. Feeding. Changing diapers. Trinity was pretty sure the hospital had free childcare for children too young for school, but that didn’t change the fact that she wouldn’t sleep through a night for the next how-ever-many years.

Yolanda would probably break up with her. Not that they were even together. Dennis would help, because of course he would, but the main responsibility would still be on her.

“Interesting reading-material you’ve got there.”

The sudden voice made her look up. Al-Hashimi had come up next to her, looking over her shoulder to study the guide on what a home-inspection would look like.

“Sorry. I’ll get back to charting.” Trinity shut the folder Dylan had given her and turned her attention to the screen. Not that she could actually focus.

“Do you know of a newborn in need of care?” Al-Hashimi asked, picking up the folder and flipping through it. 

“Yes”, said Trinity. “She’s currently sleeping in pedes.”

“I see.”

“I wasn’t really serious. I mean, maybe kind of. But I know I should be focusing on my R2 year, and adding a baby to the mix would not make things easier.”

Al-Hashima gave a contemplative hum. “It certainly wouldn’t. But it’s a worthwhile cause. If you decided to go through with it, you’d have my support.”

Trinity stared up at her. “Seriously?”

“Yes.” Dr. Al-Hashimi handed back the folder. “The hospital does provide childcare for their employees, as you probably know. And single-parents are given priority when picking their shifts. I’m sure we would find a way to make it work.”

“Okay. Thanks for the input.”

With a nod, the attending continued on her way, and Trinity realised that she was quickly running out of reasons not to take home that baby. 

Dennis had only skimmed the information Cassie had gotten to him, because halfway through he’d realised his mind was made up. The only real question was what Trinity would say. Because Dennis could do a lot. What he couldn’t do was afford his own place while also paying for baby-formula. 

He waited until their shift was basically over before approaching her, having rehearsed the pitch he was going to give in his head again and again.

“Trintiy?” He was still in her scrubs, looking up with a tired expression as she heard her name.

“Yes, I can give you a ride. Like I’ve done every day for the last ten months, because we live in the same place. You don’t need to keep asking me every day, it wastes both of our time.”

“Oh. Thanks. But that wasn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Did you kill another patient?”

“No. Can you just listen for a moment?”

Trinity glared at him. Then, with a sigh, her expression softened. “Fine. Spill.”

“Okay. So. Before you say no, I need you to hear me out. I want to remind you that I have seven nieces and nephews. I’m practically a baby-whisperer. And I’ve talked to Cassie, there are a ton of programs to support working parents. So you wouldn’t have to be involved at all, she would sleep in my room, and I’ll even buy you noise-cancling headphones so you don’t have to deal with her crying.”

Trinity blinked at him, eyes wide and unbelieving. “You’ve got to be shitting me, Huckleberry. What exactly are you trying to pitch me right now?”

Dennis opened his mouth. Closed it again, because he needed to make this as convincing as possible. “I want to adopt Baby Jane Doe.”

Trinity made a face, eyes squeezed shut as she shook her head. “You can’t do that.”

“Okay, I know it’s a very big ask, but just hear me out-”

“No, you hear me out. You can’t just adopt her because she’s going into foster-care. What you can do is foster her, and if you want her to avoid foster-care you’ll have to make a case for a preexisting personal relationship.”

“Oh.” Dennis realised he probably should have figured out those logistics before talking to Trinity. Then another realization hit him. “Why do you know that?”

“Because I was planning to do that.”

“Wait, what?”

“Oh don’t look at me like that! I just didn’t want her bouncing from family to family, it would screw up her attachment-style for life. It’s not like I’ve gone soft or anything.”

“No, of course not.” She absolutely had, but Dennis knew better than to point it out. “So what do we do now?”

“I think we’re fostering a baby together. Which honestly works out great for me, because I am so not ready to be a single-mom.”

“So that’s a yes to taking Baby Jane Doe home?”

“Obviously it’s a yes.”

“Holy shit.” Only then it dawned on Dennis that now, finally, there was no reason for him not to hold Baby Jane Doe. It had been so long until he’d been able to hold a baby. “I- we should totally talk about how we’re doing this, but I think I want to check in on her now. Are you- is that cool with you?”

“We seriously need to work on our co-parenting. Yes, Huckleberry, go hold the fucking baby. Jeez.”

Trinity watched Dennis hurry towards peds. She didn’t know why she was even surprised. If anybody in the world would get this invested in some random baby, it would be Dennis. He had looked ready to burst into tears. Not that that was much different from how he normally looked.

But that meant they were truly about to do this. 

They would co-parent. 

Not that Trinity had any desire to parent anybody or anything. She just wanted to make sure the baby was safe. Normal stuff. Very normal.

With Dennis occupied for now, Trinity made her way up to social services. On her way back, a stack full of forms to fill out in her arms, she ran into a familiar face.

“Are you in trouble again?” Yolanda asked, pointing at the stack of papers.

“Not this time, actually.” And then she didn’t explain, because she already knew what would happen. Because what she and Yolanda had was fun. Mostly sex. Sometimes it almost felt like they might be more, but Trintiy wasn’t kidding herself. They were hook-up-pals at most, and even that had been drying up recently. 

“So what’s up then?” Yolanda asked.

“I’m applying to be an emergency foster-parent for the baby they found.” The shock on Yolandas face was evident. Trintiy marched on before she could hear her reply. 

The moment he felt the weight of Baby Jane against his chest, Dennis felt something inside of him settle.

“Hello”, he told her. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Dennis. What’s your name? You can’t stay Jane Doe forever.”

“Dana suggested calling her Florence.”

Dennis looked up to find Dr. Robby at the entrance of the room, looking at the baby with a soft look in his eyes.

“That’s a nice name. I’ll have to talk to Trinity about it.”

“Why Trinity?”

“Oh. We… kind of decided to foster her? Together? I’m not exactly clear on the logistics, she’s got that worked out far better than me. All I could think about was how I didn’t want a baby to be alone.” He could feel the heat rising in his cheeks as he listened to his own ridiculous explanation. He sounded insane. Robby's flabbergasted look only confirmed that.

“I’m sorry, when did that happen?”

“About five minutes ago?”

For a while Robby just stood there, hand smoothing over his beard as he looked at Dennis and the baby. “I honestly don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything, you know? Trin and I are both adults.”

“I’m not criticizing, I’m just concerned. A baby is a big responsibility. I don’t want you….” There was a pause as Dr. Robby looked for the word. “Overextending yourself.”

“I’m not.”

“How are things going with Amy?”

Dennis looked up, feeling caught and offended at the same time. “That’s a low blow.”

“I’m just saying, we don’t want another Amy-situation.”

“We?” Dennis asked, shifting Jane to rest a bit more comfortable. “No offense, but you’ll be gone tomorrow, won’t you?”

For a moment Dr. Robby looked as if he himself had forgotten about that fact. “I’ll be back, though.”

“Maybe Baby-Jane will be back with her family by that time.” Dennis looked down at the baby in his arms, not quite sleeping, but almost there.

“How would you feel about that?” Dr. Robby had come closer, close enough for Dennis to feel the warmth radiating from his body.

“I just want to be sure that she is loved.”

It was then when the door opened and Trinity entered, a stack of papers under her arm. “What am I walking into right now?” she asked.

“We were just talking about your adoption-plans”, Dr. Robby said easily, while Dennis suddenly became very aware of how close together they stood. Curse his weird relationship to male authority figures.

“Not adoption. Foster. If the mother doesn’t show. For now the goal is just for the baby to have a safe place to stay.”

“And your apartment was the natural option?” Dr. Robby asked, eyebrows raised.

“Hey, I can’t help the fact that I’m a baby-whisperer. It would be unethical not to use my gifts.” As she spoke, Trinity moved closer to smooth one hand over Baby-Janes side. “Anyway, I’ll use what might be one of our last free evenings to catch up on my charting. Huckleberry, you’ll have to wait a bit longer before I give you a ride, but I’m sure you’ll manage. Peace out, suckers.”

“I’ve got good news!” Dylan greeted them the next Monday. “You’ve got a court-hearing on Friday. Social-services will do a home-visit on Wednesday.”

“But we’re both working on Wednesday”, Dennis said.

“I already cleared it with Dr. Al. She said she can spare one of you for a few hours during the afternoon.”

“That’s great, thank you so much!” Trinity said. She waited a moment until Dylan was out of ear-shot. Then she turned to Dennis. “We are so fucked.”

“What, why?”

“Because we have two days to get the apartment baby-ready. There’s a giant vagina-painting in the living room!”

“Oh. Fuck.”

“Yea, fuck.”

But there was no time to panic, because of course a trauma had to come in right then, and of course Trinity ended up working on it with Langdon and Yolanda of all people.

“I’m free tonight, by the way”, Yolanda said as she was suturing a large cut.

“And I’m not”, Trinity replied without looking up.

“Trouble in paradise?” asked Langdon.

“None of your business”, Yolanda snapped before Trinity could. 

For a moment they all worked in silence. “So”, Langdon said. “I’ve heard you and Whitaker are planning to adopt?”

Trinity glared at him. “Where’d you hear that?”

“You’ve not exactly been secretive about it.”

“Great. Yes, we’re applying to become emergency foster-parents for Baby Jane Doe. You got a problem with that?”

“No. I think it’s great, actually.”

Trinity couldn’t deny how sincere that sounded. As she glanced up, Langdon looked sincere as well. "Whatever."

“So. Abby and I aren’t really planning to have any more children. And we’ve got a bunch of Penny's old stuff, like her crib and her car-seat, just standing around.”

Trinity desperately wanted to pretend like she didn’t know where that was going. “You should probably get rid of it, then.”

“Yea. I was thinking you and Whitaker might want some of it.”

Obviously. And Trinity didn’t really have any reason to say no, except that she didn’t want to feel indebted to Langdon of all people. “We’re fine”, she bit out, kind of hating herself for it.

“Okay. Well. Let me know if you change your mind.” As she looked up she realised that Langdon had the audacity to smile at her.

Dennis didn’t have much left from his childhood. Not that he ever had much that was truly his, not with four older brothers to provide hand-me-downs. Even his stuffed animals were usually whatever his older brothers had deemed too baby-ish, and therefore received by Dennis with more mixed feelings than presents should usually get.

But he had a baby-blanket. It was a soft, worn piece of fabric with an embroidered penguin on it, its colours long faded. He’d carried this piece of fabric from his childhood-bedroom to college, hidden it in the bottom of his backpack while camping out in shelters. Now he was carefully arranging it in Baby-Jane's crib, hands only shaking a little.

Trinity wasn’t exactly running from the treatment-room where Langdon and Yolanda were still working, but she did walk about as fast as she could justify without running. Then she stopped.

“Dr. Robby?” He wasn’t wearing his usual scrubs, instead sporting faded jeans, a leather jacket and a pair of surprisingly cool sunglasses. Trinity herself had never found a man attractive in her life, and she wasn’t planning on starting now, but she did gain a bit more understanding for the possible crush Dennis seemed to have developed on their attending.

Upon hearing her call his name, Dr. Robby looked up. “Dr. Santos. How are things in baby-land?”

“We’ve got two nights to get our place baby-ready. What are you doing here?”

“I was just dropping something off.” He pointed to a large paper-back he was carrying.

“Dropping what off?”

“Oh, just…a few things for the expecting parents.” He rubbed his free hand along the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed.

“You’re shitting me, right?”

“It’s really not much. Just thought it would be a nice gesture, since I’m not going to be around. Anyway, what else am I doing with my money, right?” He handed over the bag to Trinity, who peaked into it. Even at first glance it was pretty clear that Robby had spent way more than he probably should have. Trinity spotted a baby-monitor, some toys and plushies, an instant camera and a photo-album. “In fostering-situations it’s recommended that the foster-parents try to document as much as possible of the child's life in a physical way, so that if the child ends up rehomed they can at least keep some sense of where they came from as they grow up.”

Dr. Robby said it very casually, which led Trinity to believe that he’d put way too much thought into this. “That’s way too much”, she said. Dr. Robby shrugged.

“It’s really nothing. Just… let me know if there’s anything else I can do to help, while I’m still here.”

Trinity cringed internally at that phrasing. He was making it sound as if he was going to die. “You don’t happen to know where I can get a car-seat, crib, and all the other stuff we need to pass the home inspection? Preferably yesterday, because Huckleberry and I are both working, and I don’t see how we’re supposed to get everything done in time.”

“Didn’t Langdon talk to you yet?” Dana, who’d been working nearby, chimed in.

“Yes. He did. Why do you know about that?” Trinity asked.

“You didn’t think he got that idea on his own, did you?”

“You put him up to it?”

“Mind filing me in?” Dr. Robby asked.

“I told Langdon to give them some of Penny's old baby-things, since he won’t need them anymore.”

Dr. Robby nodded, then turned to Trinity, eyes softening. “And you declined that offer?”

“It’s just… it’s Langdon. I don’t want him to- I don’t know.”

“That’s your right, kid, but if you want to be baby-ready by Wednesday he might be your best shot.”

“I know”, Trinity groaned.

“Would it make you more comfortable if I came along for the handover? I could even help you and Dennis set everything up after, it’s not like I have anything else to do.”

Trinity stared at Dr. Robby in unhidden shock. “Aren’t you supposed to be gone yesterday?”

Dr. Robby shrugged. “I’ve got three months. I can spare a few days to help out. Seems more than worth it if it means Baby Jane Doe has a nice, safe place to stay.”

In the corner of her eye Trinity watched Dana make an amused expression.

The truth was, the idea of having Robby there made Trinity feel much safer instantly, but she couldn’t exactly tell him that. So she shrugged. “It’s your time off you’re wasting.”

“Do you want me to tell Langdon that you’ll pick up Penny's old stuff after your shift today?” Dana asked. Though what she was actually saying was not taking Langdon up on his offer would be fucking stupid, so you better say yes.

“Fine.”

“You think your car will fit everything?” Dr. Robby asked. Trinity made a face at that. She loved her car. It had personality. It didn’t exactly have the largest trunk.

“Huckelberry might have to take the bus”, she decided. 

“My car has more than enough space. I can pick you two up after your shift.”

Trinity snorted. “You’ll do everything but go on that sabbatical.”

Dr. Robby laughed. “I don’t think you’re in a position to question my choices. See you at seven?”

“I guess so.” Trinity shook her head as she watched Dr. Robby leave. Dana had an expression of friendly exasperation on her face.

“Didn’t even make it out of the city”, she commented.

“At least he didn’t come into work today”, Trinity offered. “I should probably put this away.” She nodded towards the large bag of too expensive gifts. Then she thought of something. 

A short glance towards peds confirmed her suspicion that yes, Dennis was again talking to Baby Jane Doe. “Just one second?” she asked Dana, pulling the instant-camera out of the bag and nodding towards Dennis. Dana rolled her eyes.

“You’re lucky I’ve got a soft-spot for abandoned babies. Be quick.”

Even after ten months, Dennis still felt awkward about approaching Trinity for a ride home, as if that wasn’t the smallest of favors she was doing him.

“Ahem”, he said as he was approaching her after their shift, both now dressed in casual clothes. “So are we heading home, or….?”

“Yes, we are. But first we need to stop by Dr. Langdons to pick up some stuff. And Dr. Robby is driving us. Here, hold this.” Trinity was depositing a large paper-bag in his arms.

“What?” Dennis asked, because he truly didn’t know what else to say.

Trinity made a face. “I think we baby-trapped him.”

“Is this a joke?”

“Less than you’d think. Look in that bag.” Dennis did look. It appeared to be a bunch of expensive baby-stuff.

“Did you buy this?” Trinity shook her head. “Did Dr. Robby buy this?”

“And we’ve got a winner!”

“That’s hundreds of dollars worth of stuff! Why would he do this?”

“Because he’s got too much money and a midlife crisis? Who cares, he’s helping us out so we can get the apartment ready.”

Dennis wanted to protest. Not because he-

He didn’t really know why, if he was honest. He liked Dr. Robby. Not in a weird way. Maybe in a weird way, but that wasn’t normally a problem. They worked together fine. So why was Dennis feeling absolutely certain that something absolutely horrible would happen if he spent the evening with Dr. Robby, preparing their space for Baby-Jane.

But that didn’t matter. There was no way he’d let Jane-Doe end up with a stranger, not after all of this. Either her family was found, or he’d go to the end of the world to make sure she would never want for anything, especially not love. If that meant allowing Dr. Robby to help him with this, then that’s how it would be.

Dr. Robby was leaning against a gray Subaru, wearing a lather-jacket and sunglasses, which struck Dennis as so insanely attractive that he forgot about his more general panic to gay-panic.

“So, how was working without me?” Dr. Robby asked as they were close enough.

“We hardly noticed you were gone.” Trinity didn’t even wait for an invitation, just threw open the car door and dropped herself on the passenger seat.

“It was fine”, Dennis said. “Everybody misses you.”

“Probably not, but thanks anyway. Are you ready to go?”

“Yes.” Absolutely not.

It was during the car-ride that Dennis realised how strange this whole situation felt.

It hadn’t been often that he’d been driven anywhere, even as a child. If he really needed a ride, it was usually one of his older brothers, or his father. Either way, he’d spend the whole way being lectured on how much of an inconvenience he was. Only his mother wouldn’t complain, instead using the time to actually talk to him.

Dr. Robby didn’t complain. Didn’t even seem annoyed, because why would he be? He had offered. Dennis didn’t know what to do with that.

They stopped by a small family-home outside the city, with a dog barking in the yard. Instead of just getting out though, Robby turned to Trinity. “You can sit this one out, if you want. I think Whitaker and I can handle it.”

“You think?” Trinity asked, but there was a slight shift in her tone of voice. “Yea, okay, I’ll wait here.”

Dennis assumed that would be it, but now Dr. Robby turned around to look at him. “You okay?”

“Yes. Sure. Let’s do this.”

Trinity wondered if Dr. Robby understood how much it meant that she’d willingly gotten into his car, without even a hint of fear. She also wondered if he understood what it meant that she had chosen to stay, because his car felt inherently safe by virtue of being Dr. Robby's.

She hoped Baby Jane Doe would have a person like that. In fact she hoped that Baby Jane Doe would have many people like that.

She also wondered about Dennis. It had come to her some time during the day that she and Dennis would very likely be taking care of a child together. Depending on how things would go, raise a child, for however long. Which lead to the question of what raising a child might mean to somebody like Dennis.

Now, Trinity wasn’t blind. There was very obviously something very wrong in the way he’d grown up. At the very least his parents had not taught him to stand up for himself. At most? Trinity could come up with a million horrible ways a child might be shaped into a man who compulsively cared about everybody around him while appearing almost oblivious to his own wants and needs.

She’d been worried about it before. Now, with a baby about to enter both of their lives, she very much needed to figure out what exactly was wrong with Dennis, and if it would become a problem down the line.

She watched Dennis and Dr. Robby carry some boxes out of the home, watched by Dr. Langdon and two children, who both clan to their father with expressions of confused curiosity. It was weird to see Dr. Langdon with his children, especially because said children seemed to view him as safe, safe enough to protect them from the strangers in their home. Her eyes stayed a bit too long on the scene. Langdon noticed. For a moment they made eye-contact before Trinity averted her gaze, fixing it on the dashboard in front of her.

The sound of the trunk being opened relaxed the part of her that had seized up in unreasonable panic at the sight of Langdon.

“What’d you get?” she asked.

“Car-seat, stroller, some toys, clothes, diapers”, Dennis narrated as he placed the boxes in the trunk.

“We’ll have to do a few more trips, but then you two will be one trip to the store away from having everything you need.”

Sitting in Dr. Robby's car was one thing. Having him enter their apartment was a whole new level of panic.

It was mainly Trinity's taste that decorated the walls, shelves and whatever else flat surfaces allowed for the accumulation of knick-knacks. Pride-flags and concert-posters, fairy-lights and crystal-collections. Dennis could hear what his family would say, the slurs they would unthinkingly use. There had never been any violence behind it. Just a natural assumption that those kinds of people were inherently less worthy. Just like Dennis. Something to be generously tolerated. Nothing to be wanted.

Dennis hadn’t given any input in how the place was decorated, but it would be a lie to say he didn’t like it. It felt like home in a way that home never had. So if Dr. Robby were to make a comment about this, Dennis couldn’t throw Trinity under the bus. It wouldn’t be fair to her to pretend like this wasn’t theirs, both of theirs. Even if that meant Dr. Robby would forever lose any respect for Dennis. 

“Nice place”, Dr. Robby said, apparently totally oblivious to Dennis’s internal struggle. “You should probably paint over that vulva, though.” He pointed at the large, purple-blue painting of female anatomy Trinity had done in the livingroom-wall, the weekend before Garcia first came over.

“But it’s medically accurate”, Trinity said with a pout.

“I don’t know if child welfare will be convinced by that.” With a sigh, Dr. Robby looked at his watch. “Shops are closed now. How about we get everything as ready as we can, and I grab some white paint tomorrow?”

“I am not painting my wall white”, Trinity said, arms crossed as she stared at the painting. Then she turned to Dr. Robby. “Do you know the colour-sheme of the lesbian flag?”

There was an impulse to jump between them, to tell Dr. Robby that Trinity was just joking, to tell Trinity to shut up. 

Dr. Robby laughed. “I like your vision. Lesbian wall-paint, I’ll see what I can do. For now, how about some take-out?”

“Look!” Trinity showed Dennis the picture of the paint-colours Dr. Robby had picked. 

“I still can’t believe that you made him do that.”

“Made who do what?” Yolanda had come up behind them, peering at the screen. “Oh, are we painting a lesbian flag? Classy.”

“With the baby, the vulva on the wall has to go. You’d think it would make her feel at home, but I don’t actually want to argue with child-welfare”, Trinity explained, feeling a ball of anxiety build in her stomach. Hadn’t Yolanda gotten the hint that their hook-ups were going to come to a stop now?

“Fun. You need help with that?”

“Dr. Robby is helping us out, so we’re pretty much set.”

“Okay.” 

Trinity definitely didn’t look after Yolanda as she left.

“Are you two fighting?” Dennis asked.

“What? No.”

“Then why are you blowing her off like that?”

“How did I blow her off?” She looked at Dennis, who now seemed equally confused.

“She offered to help paint. Why didn’t you say yes?”

“She was just being polite. Anyway, I am not making her spend an evening with Dr. Robby, they would kill each other.”

Dennis considered her words for a moment. “That’s a good point, actually. But don’t you think you’re being a bit harsh about it?”

“Oh come on, it’s not like she actually wants to help. She just feels obligated. The moment she realises that we now have a crying baby in our apartment she’ll cut her losses. Why drag it out and make it more painful?"

Dennis still didn’t look convinced, but Trinity was done with the conversation.

Dennis stared at the picture of him with Baby Jane Doe. He hadn’t realised Trinity had taken it, but now it was stuck to their fridge. He’d just wanted to wash out one of the brushes - they were almost done painting now, the vulva now hidden behind a sunset-mural. 

“It’s a cute picture.” Dr. Robby had come up behind him, and Dennis felt like he was going to die.

“She’s perfect.”

“Every baby is.”

Dennis was struck by how strange that statement seemed to him. He agreed with it wholeheartedly, but until Dr. Robby said it, he never even considered that that might be something a person could think.

“Are you okay?” Dr. Robby asked. 

“Totally. A bit nervous.” He probably should leave it at that. “My oldest brother disappeared after his first child was born. Not actually disappeared, just… took his savings, went on a road-trip for the first six months. I guess the reality of the situation freaked him out.”

“You’re afraid you might end up like him?”

“Maybe?” Dennis turned around to lean against the kitchen-counter, Dr. Robby across from him in the small room. “I mean, probably not, right? He’d never even held a baby, didn’t know how to change a diaper, it was all totally new territory for him. I at least know what I’m doing. I think.”

“I think you’ll do well”, Dr. Robby said. 

“You seemed pretty against it, at first.”

Dr. Robby let out a sigh, eyes fixing on some spot above Dennis. “Can you blame me? Two of my residents decide to spontaneously foster a baby, just at the beginning of their intern and R2 years. It’s a big commitment to make.”

“And what do you think now?”

“I think you two are going to do a great job with her. And if you ever need a break, I’m always happy to babysit.”

Dennis looked for any hint that Dr. Robby might be joking, but he couldn’t find one. “What about your trip?”

Now Dr. Robby looked at him again, seeming almost embarrassed. “Screw the trip. Jack didn’t want me going anyway.”

Dennis thought back to Trinity's words from the day before. They totally had baby-trapped their attending. 

Suddenly he remembered his first hospital-visit. Appendicitis. His biology-teacher had noticed, called the ambulance. They’d called his parents, of course. They hadn’t come. Dennis had gone through surgery and recovery all on his own, and then waited two hours in the hospital parking-lot for one of his brothers to pick him up. His brother had complained the whole ride about how he was supposed to go on a date.

That was the day Dennis had understood that his family didn’t love him. Before that he’d tried to negotiate around the fact. They just didn’t show it, he was too sensitive. But the truth was, they didn’t want him. Didn’t want to be around him, didn’t want to have to deal with him, and the best thing he could do was fade away into the background. Maybe make himself useful. Never want anything. Never need anything. Never ask them to stay, to help, to notice or care.

And now Dr. Robby was canceling his trip to stick around and help.

Dennis didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say, what to think, what to feel.

“Are you two making out in there?” Trinity called from the livingroom, and the pure shock of the statement was enough to knock Dennis back into the presence.

“Just talking”, Dr. Robby called back, as always completely unphased by the insinuation that he and Dennis might be… doing that. 

“Well you can talk while working!”

Trinity kept up the polite smile until the man from child-welfare left the apartment. Everything had gone well, except for the fact that she’d spend almost an hour alone with a man she didn’t know, and now her hands were shaking. She probably should have taken Dr. Robby up on the offer to stay around for the visit, but then again she hadn’t wanted the social-worker to ask questions.

She barely managed to pull out her phone to give Dennis an update. When she finally did, she found a new message from Yolanda.

Yolanda: How did it go?

Trinity: 👍

Three dots appeared. Went away. Appeared again.

Yolanda: Want me to come over to celebrate?

Trinity: One final hook-up?

Dot. Dot. Dot.

Yolanda: If that’s what you want it to be

Trinity snorted, breathing a little easier now. No, it wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to keep what they had, whatever that was. But that wasn’t possible. So she’d either have to tell Yolanda that she wanted whatever they had to be something real, just to be brutally let down, or end this before it started.

Trinity: Yes

Dennis felt almost high when they walked out of the courtroom on Friday. “I can’t believe we’ve got a baby now.” What he truly couldn’t believe was the amount of support they had gotten. Most of their colleagues had written letters, praising their character to the court. Aside from Dr. Robby, Samira and Jack had both approached them to offer help, if they ever should need it, while Mel had apparently been researching the best brands of baby-formular. Dennis hadn’t realised how many people cared until they sat in court today. Now he was still trying to understand how this had happened, how he wasn’t alone.

“Well you better start believing, because I am not doing this alone.” Trinity's voice had a tense tone to it, her hands pushed a bit too deep into her pockets.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fucking great.”

“If there's something you want to talk about…”

“No.” She didn’t look at Dennis, instead marching to the exit in hurried steps. “Come on, Huckleberry, let’s get our baby!” she called after him.

They were only dropping in at the PTMC to pick up the baby - no longer called Jane Doe but named after Dr. Robby's deceased grandmother, since neither she nor Dennis had any family they wanted to commemorate. Dr. Al had insisted on giving them the afternoon off to get settled. The rest of the ED was still working, though, which was how Trinity ended up watching Dr. Langdon and Yolanda, working together in one of the trauma-rooms.

It was totally normal for them to be working together. The fact that they seemed to have a lot of fun talking to each other? That wasn’t new either. Trinity had known they were friends before she came here. And it wasn’t like she and Yolanda were- they hadn’t even been anything. And whatever they had been, they had ended it. So Trinity had no right to feel betrayed by that scene.

Still, she turned away, hurrying towards pedes to just get out of here.

“Trinity?” Yolanda called after.

“Sorry, busy!”

“I baby-proved my apartment!”

Trinity stopped dead in her tracks. Then she turned around. Looked at Yolanda, who was standing a few feet away. “You what?”

“In case you and the little monster ever want to come over.”

“Oh.”

Yolanda seemed to want to say something else, but then her expression shifted as she looked at something behind Trinity. “I think you might want to check on them.” She nodded towards pedes. Trinity turned around to see Dennis, sunken to the floor, crying, with the baby in his arms. 

Trinity ran.“Is she okay?”, she asked, bursting into the room. 

Dennis looking up at her through glossy, red-rimmed eyes. “Shit. Yes. She’s fine. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to scare you-”

Trinity let out a breath. She should probably have expected this. Dennis had been… weird for the last few days, ever since Dr. Robby had helped them get the apartment ready. She’d tried to suss out if it was just some sort of belated gay-crisis, but apparently there really had been more to it.

“Tell me what’s going on”, she said, not quite managing to sound gentle. But she did sit down next to him.

“Why did nobody want her?” Dennis asked softly.

“We want her”, Trinity offered.

“Yes, but why- how could they just leave her? How can somebody just abandon their child?”

Trinity looked at Dennis. This wasn’t exactly how she had wanted to have this talk, but oh well. “Just out of curiosity, when’s the last time to spoke to your parents?”

Dennis took a long time to answer. “I called my mom a few years ago.”

“Did she ever reach out?”

“No.”

She could have guessed as much. “So… do you need me to give you the whole sentimental talk about how you’re loved and people care about you or whatever, or can I just tell you that you’re on the hospital's health-insurance plan now and that does cover therapy?”

“You think I need therapy?” Dennis asked. Trinity just glared at him until he relented. “Okay. Maybe you have a point.”

“If it helps, I’m pretty sure Yolanda and I are in a relationship.”

“Seriously? I’ve heard the two of you have sex for ten months!”

“Yes, but that was just sex. She babyproved her apartment."

“Wow.”

“Yea.”

“We’re both pretty fucked, aren’t we?” Dennis asked a moment later.

“You only notice that now? I’m honestly surprised they let us foster that baby, we are so not stable enough for that.”

“We’ve got a lot of help, though.”

Trinity leaned back, then a bit to the side, resting against Dennis so she could look at what was, by some miracle, their baby. “It’s strange, isn’t it? Not being on your own with something? I don’t remember the last time I had that.”

“Me neither. But I guess we’ll have to get used to it. For her sake.”

“For her sake”, Trinity agreed, smoothing one hand over the baby's cheek.