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“Mistress!” screeched Baby as he teetered under a stack of gifts. There were only three presents, but compared to his size it may as well have been dozens of packages. “I am getting crushed by the weight of all these gifts! It feels goooOOOoood!”
“Great to hear, Baby,” said Fig dismissively as she hurried around her recording studio. “Now, have I forgotten anything?”
“Only my kiss!”
Fig picked up the stack of gifts and gave Baby a small kiss on the head, causing the familiar to giggle and wail in delight.
“Thank you, Mistress!”
“Anytime, Baby! Now be good and watch the studio.”
“Yes, Mistress!”
Gifts in hand, Fig created a portal to Mordred Manor, appearing in her bedroom. Taking one gift, she left her secret room and headed to the kitchen to join Kristen and Adaine as they worked to make breakfast.
“What’s up, girls?” asked Fig, dropping the gift on the kitchen table and snagging a strawberry from the pile next to Kristen who was busy removing the stems. She popped it into her mouth over the protests of the cleric.
“Just putting the finishing touches on Jawbone’s breakfast,” said Adaine, scrambling up some eggs as the waffle iron buzzed quietly next to her on the counter. “Can you make his cup of tea? You know how he likes it.”
“On it!” Fig bustled over to the electric kettle, switching it on before grabbing a large mug from the cupboard (#1 Dad Guidance Counselor!) and a black tea bag from the counter. She added a scoop of sugar to the mug and then stood around, waiting for the kettle to whistle. She drummed out the chorus to My Van is a Boat and my Boat is a Van as she waited, eyeing Kristen’s strawberries as she did so.
“I see you over there,” Kristen warned, shifting herself to block Fig’s view of the fruit.
“I don’t know what you’re implying,” Fig said innocently.
“Fig, no more strawberries, they’re for breakfast,” scolded Adaine. The waffle iron dinged and she summoned a Mage Hand to open the iron and plate the waffle, passing it over to Kristen who decorated it with whipped cream, powdered sugar, and strawberries into a smiling, wolf-like face.
“Hey, that’s a pretty good likeness,” said Fig, looking over the waffle. “You could call it a ‘wolffle!’”
Kristen cackled. “Wolffles! I love it!”
“Oh, wait, wait, I have an idea!” said Fig, rushing to the pantry and pulling out some foil. She quickly rolled up a strip to make glasses and set it over the nose of the face and stood back and grinned. “Now it looks exactly like him!”
“Hell yeah,” agreed Kristen, going in for a fist bump. “Here, you’ve earned a strawberry for that!”
“Kristen!” chided Adaine.
“Come here and look at this and tell me it’s not worth a strawberry!” she replied as Fig stuffed the strawberry into her mouth before Adaine could take it away.
Adaine moved over, took one look at the wolffle, and burst out laughing. “Ok, fine, you win!”
The kettle whistled and Fig poured the water into the mug, giving it a stir to melt the sugar before dropping in the tea bag.
“All set!” she announced.
“And I’m done with the eggs, too,” said Adaine, plating them up. “Everyone got their presents?” The other two nodded. “Then let’s go.”
They made their way to the living room where Jawbone and Sandra Lynn were watching the morning news.
“Happy Father’s Day!” the girls chorused.
“Aw, girls, thank you so much!”
Adaine swooped in and placed the tray on Jawbone’s lap. He took one look at the plate and howled in delight.
“Hey, it looks like me!” he said excitedly. “Honey, take a look!”
Sandra Lynn leaned over and looked at the waffle and smiled. “That’s very cute, girls!”
“It’s a joint effort between Kristen and Fig,” explained Adaine.
“Aw, I only added the glasses. Kristen’s the true artist,” said Fig, passing the mug of tea over to Jawbone who took it from her and then took a large sip.
“Mmm, perfect tea, Fig. Thanks, kiddo.” Fig smiled.
The girls brought out everyone else’s plates and they ate in a circle in the living room, chatting excitedly about summer plans. Once the food was done, Fig helped wash the dishes before everyone gathered together again to watch Jawbone open his gifts. Four similarly-sized boxes were placed on his lap, and upon opening them, everyone laughed to discover that he received four cardigans, each in a slightly different shade of blue.
“Well, I certainly can use them,” he said, wiping a tear from his eye. “A lot more than if they were a tie or a hammer, so thank you so much, everyone. I love them.”
“Thanks for being a great dad, Jawbone,” said Fig, giving him a big hug. “I love you.”
“Of course, kiddo. I love you, too,” he replied, giving her a kiss on the top of her head. “Now, I bet you’ve got a couple other dads to go see, huh?”
“Yeah, I’ll be back in the evening for dinner. Have a fun day!” she called, heading towards the door.
“Give my love to Gilear and Gorthalax!” he called back.
Fig burst into the kitchen of Seacater Manor, pausing to scoop up Cathilda and give her a twirling hug. “Hello, Cathilda!” she called out.
The maid smiled and straightened out her apron. “Why, you’re very chipper this morning, Mistress Faeth!”
“It’s a wonderful day and I’ve got three great dads to celebrate it with!” replied Fig with a wide grin.
“Indeed you do! Master Gilear is in his private room, enjoying a cold yogurt as he watches the television.”
“Perfect!” Package in hand, Fig hurried off towards Gilear’s ‘man cave’ (a barely furnished room with a recliner, end table, TV, and minifridge full of yogurt). She didn’t bother to knock and instead thrust open the door while singing a little song:
“Oh it’s Father’s Day and he’s the best!
It’s Father’s Day and he ain’t like the rest!
He’s the one and only Gilear Faeth!
He’s the best, that’s what I say-eth!
A yogurt man to the extreme!
He’s milder than sour cream!
We love him dearly, that’s a fact!
All the ladies he does attract!
So lift your curdled milk up high!
Don’t give him cake or cream or pie!
Just give him yogurt, he loves it the most!
He’ll put it on anything, even his toast!”
Gilear smiled and waved Fig over to him; he was wearing a stained dressing gown and briefs as he lounged in his recliner. She leaned over and gave him a big hug and then planted a large kiss on his cheek.
“Happy Father’s Day, Gilear! I hope your day’s been going well?”
“Oh, Figueroth, it’s been lovely,” he replied, hugging her back. “Cathilda brought us breakfast in bed and Fabian even gave me a nice card.”
“Well, prepare to have your socks knocked off because I’m going to outdo a measly card! There’s no way I’ll let Fabian be your favorite child!” Fig thrust the package into Gilear’s hands and beamed. “Open it!”
Hesitantly, Gilear unwrapped the package, revealing a royal blue baseball cap with a buttercup-yellow brim. Embroidered in yellow were the words “#1 Yogurt DILK.”
“I know you like Lids, so I got you a custom hat!”
“Oh… oh my, thank you, Figueroth, it’s… lovely. I’m… at a loss for words.”
Fig beamed. “And, of course, I got you another subscription to the Yogurt of the Month Club!” she added, passing him a decorative certificate.
“This is absolutely delightful,” he told her, giving her his broadest, meekest smile.
“I love you, Gilear. Thanks for raising me,” she told him, and she watched as the lines on his face softened even more as his smile shifted from sheepish to loving.
“It was a delight to do so, Figueroth, and thank you for still loving me despite what I had said that one time.”
“Water under the bridge!” she said, hugging him again. “Oh, Jawbone sends his love, so here’s another hug from him!”
“Oh, I’m not sure if Jawbone actually meant for you to- oh, I’m being hugged anyway. Oh, and a kiss. Now, I’m certain that he didn’t ask you to kiss me-”
Fig laughed. “Nah, I just want to spread the love. I’ve gotta go see Gorthalax now, so you take care and enjoy your special day, ok, Gilear?”
“Yes, of course, daughter,” he replied, looking over the hat.
She made her way to the door and looked back. “Bye! Love you! Happy Father’s Day!”
“I love you, too, Figueroth.”
Fig knocked on the door of #311 Strongtower Luxury Apartments, and grinned at Riz when he opened it. “Hey there, almost-little brother! How’s it going?” She reached out and tousled his curls.
Riz hissed playfully and let her in. “Oh, it’s fine. Here for Gorthalax? He and Mom are cuddled up in front of the TV.”
“Aw, I feel bad for interrupting them! Well, almost. I gotta tell dad how much I love him, after all.”
“It’s fine. They’ve been like that all day; they could use a break.”
“Awesome, because I’ve got just the break we need!”
Riz eyed the present in her hand. “Oh no, not another board game?”
“Shhhh! Don’t spoil the surprise!”
Riz rolled his eyes but all the same pantomimed zipping his smirking mouth shut.
“Pops!” Fig shouted, storming into the living room. “Happy Father’s Day!” He startled awake with a snort and stretched, causing Sklonda to wake up as well.
“Oh! Fig! So good to see you! Thanks for coming out here just for little old me!”
“Aw, don’t say that, Pops! Of course I’d see you today! It’s all about the dads today!” She rushed over and barreled into him, barely avoiding Sklonda as she gave him a big hug. “So, Riz says you’ve been taking it easy today, is that right?”
“Yeah, just relaxing on the couch for the most part.”
“Well, that changes now because I’ve got just the thing to shake up your evening!” she announced, proffering the package.
“Oh, a gift! Wonderful! I wonder what it could be…” he mused, looking her in the eye, but she smiled placidly, her thoughts unreadable.
Gorthalax tore the wrapping paper off the gift and growled approvingly. “Another board game? Awesome! Let’s see what this one is…” he mumbled as he pulled out a pair of reading glasses.
“Someone plays as Jack the Ripper and the other players need to catch them,” explained Fig. “I thought we’d all have a blast playing it together. …You, too, Rizbert!” she shouted towards the back of the apartment. A hiss came back from the depths.
Gorthalax looked over at Sklonda. “How about it, honey? Down to play a game or two?”
Sklonda looked over the box. “Yeah, it sounds fun. Let’s do it! Riz! Come join us!”
“Kaaaaay!”
A couple hours later, after losing as both Jack the Ripper and as the police (damn, Riz was too good at the game!), Fig kissed her dad on the cheek as she prepared to leave.
“Fig, sweetie, I had a wonderful time. Thank you so much for the game!”
“Aw, I’m glad you have fun, Pops! Happy Father’s Day! I love you!”
“I love you, too, kiddo. Take care and I’ll see you soon.”
She gave him one last hug, said goodbye to the Gukgaks, and left the apartment.
She opened a portal back to the Bottomless Pit and flopped down on a couch, exhausted from her long day.
Baby waddled over to her pulling a long, thin box behind him, which he handed over to her.
“What’s this?” she asked, looking over the poorly-wrapped package. “I don’t recall wrapping this.”
“Mistress is Baby’s mother and father, so I thought you needed a gift today.”
“Baby!” cried Fig, scooping up the blood demon and giving him a hug. “That’s so sweet of you!”
“Unhand me, Mistress! I am not worthy of your love!” he screamed, wriggling in her arms, but she held him and gave him a kiss on the top of the head. To Baby’s relief, though, she put him down after a moment and he began to dance as she tore away the paper from the gift. Inside the slim box was a red and black striped tie.
“A tie?”
“I heard it’s appropriate for today, Mistress.”
“I love it! Thank you, Baby!”
“Don’t hug me again!” he screeched.
Fig grinned. “Alright, calm down. I’ll go put it on and then go show Ayda. Thanks again, Baby.”
Baby giggled nervously. “Eeeheehee. Don’t mention it, Mistress. Baby is going to go whip the sinners now!”
“Have fun!” she called after the retreating figure.
She put on the tie and admired herself in the mirror. Figueroth Faeth: Archdevil, daughter, paramour, dropout, father. Yeah. She liked that.