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LOPAN; the Land of Pyramids and Neon: the Land of the Rogue of Void, and the base of operations where you and Roxy plot the downfall of your brother. Revival through the Ring of Life had been a double-edged sword; you finally got to meet, in person, the faces behind the text, but you were thrust into a warzone as a consequence. At least they weren’t making you fight; you wouldn’t know how.
“So, Callie,” she says, “what is it that you drink exactly?”
“Uh, water,” you say to her.
“I can get behind water. Lifeblood of almost every species. Why is that, anyway? What’s so special about water? It’s just two Hydrogen atoms connected to one Oxygen; those are some of the most flammable elements and they combine into a substance that puts out fires. The universe is weird.”
“Roxy, you’re rambling. Is there something on your mind?”
“You mean my hair? That’s a human thing; well, it’s also a troll thing apparently, but that doesn’t-“
“No, not like that, I mean what’s wrong? You’ve been acting quite strangely around me lately, and you seem to relax more when we’re in the presence of others. Did my makeup flake off?”
“Callie, I’ve told you bajillions of times that I don’t care what’s under the makeup.”
“Then what’s the matter? Why are you so… different when you’re around me?”
She sighs. “Callie, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you. Something important.”
“...Yes? Go on.”
“I think that… I might love you.”
“Um, I don’t know what that means.”
“Matespritshippitude? The desire to spend the rest of my life with you? ...Mating fondness?”
“Mating fondness is a contradiction in terms. How can you be fond of someone you want to mate with?”
“See, now you’re the one not making sense. Is this an alien thing? Do you... not feel love?”
“With the way you used it in our conversations online, I was under the impression it was a human word meaning ‘to like X very much indeed’.”
“See, you do understand!”
“No I don’t! You keep using it to refer to things outside of that definition, and I don’t know what you mean by it anymore!”
“How about you explain what emotion drives your species to mate instead?”
“You should probably ask Vriska and Tavros. They have a better grasp of the concept than I do.”
“Oh. Oh! You mean you feel black for your partners!”
“Not exactly, but the analogue is similar enough.”
“So you never feel red feelings for someone else?”
“I don’t know that we’re capable.”
“That’s terrible! If you could feel what I feel for you, then I’m sure you’d agree that love is simply the best mating emotion there is.”
“You can’t just reach into my brain and flip a switch, Roxy! This is how my species is wired, and it’s a part of what makes me me! I like you Roxy, I just don’t know if It’s physically possible for me to like you in the way you seem to want me to.”
“Do you want to try anyway?”
-----
“Come in,” Roxy says. A few minutes ago she’d told you to wait outside her room while she “made preparations”. You walk in and see what looks like a mock-up psychologist’s office, like you so frequently saw on human television shows. Roxy is sitting on a chair next to a whiteboard with the words “Red Feelings 101” written on it in pink marker.
“Welcome, Callie. Please take a seat.”
“Uh... what is this exactly?”
“I’m going to teach you how to love.”
“I... appreciate the thought, but it’s not going to work.”
“You said that I could try, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Now, sit.” You comply and lie down on a leather couch, resting your head on one of the cushions.
“Now, let’s begin.” She holds up a card with a heart symbol on it. “What do you associate this symbol with?”
“The Hegemonic Brute, favoured muscle of the Derse Archagent, Jack Noir.”
“Apart from that.”
“Trolls and humans type that symbol to each other to express affection.”
“Yes. What does it remind you of?”
“It reminds me of the way a human female buttock looks when only a bit of it is sticking out of a liquid.”
She stares at you and asks “What have you been watching?”
“Your feed, mostly. I told you that I had a viewport.”
“Moving on!” she says hurriedly, throwing the card behind her back. “What’s the square room of negative four?”
“What does that have to do with love?”
“Nothing, I just want to know what it is.”
“You’re not taking this seriously.”
“Yes I am! I am the embodiment of seriousness right now. The seriousness scale is so high that I need a telescope to pick it out.”
“Look Roxy,” you exclaim, “it’s just not going to happen. I appreciate the thought, but this isn’t something that can be unlocked! I can’t teach you to feel black feelings, and you can’t teach me how to feel love. I want to feel red for you, Roxy, but I just don’t know how to do it! I’m sorry, but that’s the way things are.”
“Maybe... I can’t flip a switch, but Vriska might be able to.”
-----
“I still think this isn’t going to work,” you say, sitting down onto a couch in Roxy’s house.
“Are you questioning my abilities?” Vriska asks you, staring you down with her eight pupils.
“Yes. Yes, I think I am.”
“Oh, it’s on now! I will make you feel red feelings and there’s nothing you can do about it!”
“Remember Vriska,” Roxy says, “only give her the potential for love; don’t force her to feel in love for me or anyone else.”
“Yeah yeah, get off my back. I got this,” she says, putting her hands up to her temples and closing her eyes. You can feel something brushing against your mind, feeling around for a way in. You raise your arm and slap yourself in the face.
“Vriska!” Roxy says, pouting at her.
“Hey, you can’t blame me for having a little fun! Nobody ever lets me into their heads anymore.” You put your arm down and glare at her. She rolls her eyes and resumes probing, finding entrances into your subconscious. You can feel her sifting through your memories, your sensory interpretation suite, the very core of what makes you a unique person. She works her way deeper towards her target, forcing emotions out of you seemingly at random; you experience floods of euphoria, depression and anxiety. You can feel something moving along the connection between you and her, a gift of sorts, and it implants itself into your head. The connection unwinds and her presence is gone.
“So? Did it work?” Roxy asks, staring into your eyes.
“I.. don’t feel any different. I’m not sure.”
“You’d better feel something,” Vriska says, “those were my red feelings I donated. Mine!”
You and Roxy look at her, puzzled. “What, did you think I can just create emotions? That’s not how it works. I literally gave her my capacity for matespritship. I can’t feel flushed anymore.”
“What?” Roxy says. “But…”
“Before you ask,” she says, “I’m perfectly happy with only an obsidian conciliatory quadrant.”
“Well… if you say so.”
“I made my choice. I wouldn’t have done this if I wanted those emotions in me.”
“But what about your moirail?” you ask. “What about Rose?”
“You already had the capacity for moirailleigance. I’m keeping my pale feelings, thank you very much.”
“Uh...” Roxy says, blushing a bit. “So, Callie, do you want to go on a date?”
“Sure.”