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Helen Sharp had spent most of her adult life mastering the art of looking effortless.
Not because she was vain—Helen wasn’t vain.
But because somewhere along the way, she’d learned that love could be conditional.
That attraction could be taken back.
That if you weren’t pretty in the right way, polished in the right way, desirable in the right way…people could change their minds about you.
So Helen became careful. Careful with her clothes. Careful with the parts of herself she let anyone see in the soft, unguarded hours of the night.
Which was ridiculous, really.
Because she’s with Madeline now.
They’ve been together for a few months now.
And yet—
There were still small things Helen couldn’t stop being afraid of. Small, ordinary things—like the version of herself that looked too soft, too loud, too… unsexy.
As if the woman who loves her could ever be disappointed by her being real.
As if love was something you had to earn every single day.
Helen Sharp didn’t know yet that Madeline Ashton was about to prove her wrong.
Retainers and CPAP Machine
Helen was tired as fuck.
Coming from a stressful workday full of meetings, edits, and then more meetings, all she wanted was to crawl into bed in her cozy pajamas and cuddle the love of her life.
Planning to do just that, she went upstairs and headed straight to the bedroom, where Madeline was watching reality TV and waiting for her.
“Hey, love! How was work?” Madeline asked.
“Awful,” Helen murmured, snuggling closer and burying her face into Madeline’s neck. “I just want to stay here and cuddle with you forever.”
“Baby,” Madeline cooed, hugging her girlfriend tightly.
Usually, after work, Helen would beeline to the bathroom and do her night routine. Tonight, with Madeline sleeping over, she didn’t.
“Why don’t you get ready for bed, love?” Madeline suggested. “So you can be cozy here with me.”
Helen froze.
Yes, she and Madeline had been best friends for God knows how many years before dating, but the idea of wearing her retainers and setting up her CPAP machine with Madeline now, beside her—sleeping in the same bed—terrified the fuck out of her.
“Uh… yeah, maybe later,” Helen said hesitantly. “I’m comfortable right now.”
Madeline looked puzzled at the sudden shift but didn’t push. She simply nodded, careful not to break the moment.
Hours passed, Madeline had fallen asleep, or at least, Helen thought.
She carefully slipped out of bed, determined not to wake her girlfriend, and headed straight to the bathroom to get ready as quickly as possible. She planned to set an alarm earlier than Madeline’s so she could remove her retainers and stash away her CPAP machine before she woke up.
Unbeknownst to her, Madeline was wide awake.
After their earlier conversation, she couldn’t stop thinking about why Helen had looked so terrified at the mention of bedtime routines. So she pretended to sleep, determined to find out what was bothering her.
Helen returned from the bathroom with her retainers in and her CPAP machine in hand. She tiptoed to the bed and, very carefully, sat down.
Until she saw that Madeline was awake.
Wide awake.
Fuck.
Helen’s mind spiraled instantly.
Madeline won’t like me anymore.
She’ll think I’m weird.
She’ll think I’m unattractive.
She’ll be turned off.
She’ll leave.
“Oh—Mad, why are you awake? Wh—?” Helen asked, disheveled and terrified in her usual nightwear: an oversized shirt and leopard printed shorts, a gift from Madeline, so that, according to her, they could match.
Something Madeline found unusually hot.
“Don’t you look hot?” Madeline said, grinning.
“What?” Helen blinked.
“Do you want help setting that up?” Madeline asked casually.
“I—uh—are you—” Helen stuttered.
Madeline stood and gently took the machine from her hands, switching it on with ease.
“Aren’t you going to yell? Or—I don’t know—be weirded out by all this?” Helen asked, her words muffled by the retainer as she gestured at herself.
“What should I be weirded out by?” Madeline asked, genuinely confused.
“This!” Helen tried to shout.
“What, you in leopard print shorts?” Madeline asked. “A hot leopard print shorts, by the way. I should have brought mine…anyway, why would that weird me out?”
“No! Because I look like this—and with this!” Helen said, pointing at her mouth and the machine.
“Oh,” Madeline said softly. “Is that why you freaked out earlier when I asked you to get ready for bed?”
“Yes,” Helen admitted, suddenly small. “If you want to bolt, I get it,” she added quietly. “Not just tonight. I mean… if this turns you off, it’s fine. I understand. You don’t have to stay.”
“What the fuck are you talking about, Hel?” Madeline asked, completely baffled.
“I don’t know!” Helen said, her voice cracking. “Ern—Ernest hated it. He pretended he was okay with it at first, then one night we were in a fight, he exploded and he said none of this was attractive, that I should not be in this whenever he slept over. I mean he’s right. That nothing about this screams ho—”
She was cut off when Madeline kissed her, pulling her closer by the waistband of her shorts.
When Madeline pulled back, she rested her forehead against Helen’s.
“It’s me, Hel,” she said softly. “You don’t need to hide from me.”
“I just want to be what you deserve,” Helen whispered. “You’re Madeline. You’re perfect.”
“And you are Helen, my Helly” Madeline replied gently. “I love you, you’re perfect, don’t ever question that. To hell with what he said—you’re beautiful. Retainers and CPAP machine included.”
Helen let out a quiet, breathy laugh, her lips curving into a soft, vulnerable smile—one that tugged Madeline’s heart.
“I love you,” Helen said.
“I love you more,” Madeline replied, kissing her tenderly.
“But wait,” Madeline added. “Was your plan really to wait until I fell asleep to do all this? You’ve had a long day, love.”
“…Yeah,” Helen admitted.
“I’m going to kill Ernest,” Madeline said flatly. “Every man you dated, actually.”
“No you won’t,” Helen laughed. “I don’t want you in prison.”
“I hate men. I hate them.” Madeline said with utter conviction.
Especially the ones who had made her Helly feel less than.
“But seriously, love,” Madeline said, softer now. “You don’t need to hide. It’s me. I’m Maddie. I’m your best friend first, remember? I love you—for everything you are. Please know that.”
Turtlenecks, Long Skirts, Berets, and Glasses
Helen had exactly thirty minutes before Madeline was supposed to arrive.
Plenty of time.
She had just gotten home from work—heels kicked off by the door, hair half-fallen out of its neat daytime style, glasses on. She was dressed comfortably, instinctively: a soft white turtleneck, a long brown skirt that brushed her calves, and—because it had been cold and because she liked it—a small velvet beret perched neatly on her head.
She looked like herself when she was in college.
Which was the problem.
Bobby? Kevin? She doesn’t remember which boyfriend.
But she was four at best according to them.
Which was, again, the problem.
There was a knock at the door and the sound of keys unlocking it.
What?
“Helly, baby! I cannot wait to see you tonight, so I came by early, I hope you don’t mind. I also used the keys you gave me for emergency, because this is an emergency, I’ll die of missing you, again, I hope you don’t mind, I mean I am sure you don’t mind because it’s me! Your beautiful, beautiful girlfriend.” Madeline bellowed by the door.
“Maddie?” Helen called, voice pitching just slightly too high.
“I’m early!” Madeline’s voice floated in, bright and unapologetic. “Where are you baby?”
Panic set in immediately. Helen knows that her girlfriend doesn’t know the idea of personal space, so she knows any second now she will barge in her bedroom. She doesn’t have enough time to change out into what she’s currently wearing.
Helen’s brain did not offer solutions so much as catastrophes.
“Helly? There you are!” Madeline said, peeking through the door.
Oh my god. Helen scrambled, the beret came off first, shoved into a drawer she closed too hard so fast that it caught her finger.
“Fuck!” Helen cursed the drawer? the beret? Herself? She doesn’t know anymore.
“Helly, careful!” Madeline said, coming up to her and pulling her to sit on the bed to investigate her injured finger.
“You don’t need to rush baby, I’m sorry I came by early, I just want to see you is all, before all those people in the restaurant can see what’s mine, I want to lay my eyes on you first. We’re not going to be late. No need to rush, love.” Madeline said softly, kissing her injured finger.
Madeline got up to get a bandage, but then she paused, looking up her girlfriend up and down.
There it was. The pause. The moment where Madeline Ashton decided whether Helen Sharp was still worth wanting.
Instead—
Madeline blinked.
Once.
Twice.
“...Oh.”
Helen’s stomach dropped.
“I—I was just—this isn’t what I'll wear on our date, I promise, I was just about to—”
Madeline tugged her up from the bed and kissed her.
Hard.
Wanting.
Hungry.
It stole the air from Helen’s lungs—stole her thoughts, too—until Madeline pulled back, breathless, eyes dark and apologetic all at once.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly, forehead resting against Helen’s. “I just—I know your fingers hurt. I was going to get the bandage. I swear. I just… couldn’t resist you. Looking like that.”
That—that—was not the reaction Helen had been bracing herself for.
Her brain short-circuited.
Her heart skipped.
Her voice came out small and confused. “What?”
Madeline laughed softly, shaking her head like she’d been caught in something unavoidable. “I didn’t know you still had these clothes. These are the ones you wore when we were in college.” She swallowed, eyes warm and honest.
“I wanted to kiss you like that back then so badly. I guess I’m just… glad I finally got to do it now.” She pressed one more quick kiss to Helen’s lips, like punctuation. “Okay. Bandage. I’m going. Stay right there.”
And then she was gone, disappearing down the hall like she hadn’t just knocked the entire foundation out from under Helen.
Helen sat there, stunned, fingers still tingling, lips still burning.
That wasn’t judgment.
That wasn’t disappointment.
That wasn’t the reaction she was expecting.
Her eyes stung before she could stop it.
Back in the kitchen, Madeline grabbed the bandage and stood in front of the air conditioning and fanned herself, gripping at the counter like it might save her.
“Control yourself,” she muttered. Then again, “Control yourself,” she said to herself louder. She fanned herself with her hands, seemingly aggressive.
It was a losing battle.
She headed back to the bedroom, bandage in hand, cheeks still warm from the sight of her girlfriend in those clothes that carried history, softness, her—quietly chanting the words again, “control yourself, control yourself.”
In the bedroom, Madeline found Helen where she left her, but now seemingly with tears in her eyes.
“Oh, baby! Does it hurt that bad?” Madeline asked, concerned etched on her face.
“No, no, no it’s not my fingers, it’s not.” Helen replied
“Okay, uhm—then what is it? Why are you crying?” Madeline asked.
“I uhm—I meant to change, I swear I just didn’t expect you to arrive early. This isn’t what I am going to wear on our date, it’s just that wearing it at work, it’s comfortable. I don’t want you to think I am letting myself go, I am not I swear, you don’t need to get mad or—”
She got cut off by Madeline, who is utterly confused as to why her girlfriend is babbling nonsense.
“Wait, love, slow down. What do you mean I’ll get mad? About what?” Madeline asked, confused. “I like you like this, Helly. I like you in everything, really. What is this all about? You do not need to be all the time put together for me.”
Madeline wondered where all these insecurities of her Helen came from, she plans to hunt all those who made her feel like this and kill them.
“Even if you wear those silly little t-shirts, or those short lacy camisoles, or nothing at all, I'll love you in anything every night and every day. Please don’t feel like you have to hide from me.” Madeline said.
“I’m sorry, this is new to me, being loved like this, like how you love me.” Helen said
“Well get used to it.” Madeline said, pulling her into a kiss.
“I love you, Maddie.” Helen said in between kisses.
“I love you.” Madeline replied.
Helen got up and continued getting ready. She wore a green body hugging dress with a low plunging neckline. One she’s very excited to wear. In the bathroom she’s currently having a hard time putting in her contacts when Madeline enters and sees her struggling.
“You can just wear your glasses, you know the sexy hot librarian thing is in now.” Madeline said, smirking.
“Oh really?” Helen said, smirking at her.
“Yup, really! It certainly does something for me.” Coming up to Helen and hugging her from behind.
(Maybe love wasn’t something you had to hide parts of yourself for. Maybe it wasn’t about polish or perfection or being desirable in exactly the right way. Maybe it was simpler than that. Quieter. Softer. Maybe it was a woman who looked at you in retainers and ratty, nerdy clothes and saw not someone to tolerate—but someone to treasure. And for the first time in her life, Helen let herself believe that love could be a little thing like that.)