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There are lots of things people don't know about Tony.
For one, he runs on about four and a half hours sleep on good days, bad days about two. He makes up for the sleep thing with coffee, triple shots on his good days and you don't want to know how much caffeine is in it on a bad one. JARVIS despite being not actually a person tuts annoyingly at him as a he sips it.
Without question, Jarvis, human Jarvis that is, was his favourite person. Despite his mom maybe, but Jarvis used to read to him at night and genuinely seem interested in the things he did. That's why Jarvis got the honour of being forever embedded in his AI. He would never admit it but he's pretty sure computer JARVIS is still his favourite.
Tonys never had a best friend before Rhodey. They meet in college, when Tony was a far too young freshmen and Rhodey was willing to take in the annoyingly cocky on the outside, yet surprisingly actually timid genius. Rhodey makes it to his list of favourite people.
His favourite movie series is Star Wars, he'd watched them more than enough times he can quote them word for word, even the new one. But he thinks the Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings series are adequate to watch.
Tonys favourite colour is red. Enough said.
He tells people his idol is Jimmy Hendrix or someone ridiculous like Hugh Heffner in interviews, just to keep the pretence up. Only Fury and Colson (fuck Fury for being as old as dinosaurs and knowing his father) know that when he was 5 he had a Captain America poster above his bed. When his dad tore it down in a drunken stupor at 7 he stopped believing in idols.
Then at 44 they had to go find the star spangled man, and Tony only had to give Colson a look before he knew to keep his bloody mouth shut. He's not sure how the patriotic dinosaur ended up living in his tower but Tony's life has never been normal.
There are lots of things people don't know about Tony, not because he necessarily doesn't tell them. They just don't ask, he supposes.
Okay no, he probably still wouldn't tell them. He doesn't need Natasha asking him what his favourite food is just so she can secretly poison him with it, or have Clint ragging on his favourite book - The Great Gatsby is timeless okay.
Not that he thinks the people he lives and work with are evil, or purposely go out to make his life a living hell. They're reasonably nice and showed him as such. He just doesn't fully trust them. He has no reason too. Besides, the last person he trusted tried to take out his heart, literally.
They're co-workers. He likes them, tolerates they're company on movie nights, works with Banner in the lab, make's Clint new arrows, makes Thor appliances he can't break with his super strength and helps Cap with being technically inept - teaching technology to old people is what Satan must assign people in hell - but that doesn't mean he trusts them.
They are on a need to know basis, that's it.
One of the information that Tony very purposely keeps classified is that to do with his health. Not in a narcissist type of way, but it's better for every party involved that that information stays fully sealed. Nobody except him and a handful of specialists know how the Arc Reactor works and that's the way it will stay. It's such a highly advanced piece of technology that in the wrong hands would be chaotic.
Plus it literally keeps him alive. That kind of information could make him vulnerable to an enemy. It's basically a blub of light that screams helplessness, while also displaying how much on an asset he is. It's crucial this information never reaches the light of day. So his team are on a need to know basis and they are certainly not allowed to know much about it.
So no, nobody but Jarvis knows that when it rains he gets short on breath and can literally feel the metal cooling down reaching every part of his body. Nobody knows that parts of his lungs and ribs had to be altered to fit the reactor and he gets sharp pains every so often that cripple him for hours. Nobody knows that he gets short on breath in training sessions because his lungs have been altered, and he has a condition that comes up occasionally that could be described as asthma. But Tony Stark doesn't have something as banal as asthma.
Particularly, nobody knows that Tony Stark hates with a fiery passion getting sick. There are many reasons for this. Nobody in the world likes getting sick obviously. And there may be some deep rooted problem that he should probably talk to a professional with about how when he was sick as a child nobody was there to look after him, his farther drinking and his mom MIA so he would just ride it out, ignoring his 6 year old desire and need to be coddled.
However, with the arc reactor a simple cold becomes so much worse. Because the coughing interrupts the rector and sends sharp painful motions throughout his chest, crippling him in agony. A runny nose blocks his already limited airways making it difficult to breathe often causing panic attacks because they can be that dangerous.
Sickness is something he loathes, which would be a good indicator to probably take better care of himself. But when has Tony ever thought rationally.
When he wakes up to a sore throat and a slight cough, one not quite bad enough to cause serious amounts of pain but discomfort, he curses himself. When he looks outside and see's it's raining heavily he curses that too. Basically he spends the morning cursing himself and all the inane objects around him because this is his life.
And sometimes he hates it.
Despite the clear indicator he should rest, or at least get some kind of medication he trugs himself out of bed. He has new suit upgrades he needs to work on, Natasha needs new knifes because a giant robot ate them last week (he didn't even ask) and he's been working on some new quantum formulas with Banner that he wants to send his way by this afternoon. He has so much to do. Not only that, he has some kind of charity event to go to tonight, he has no idea what it's for but he very vividly remembers Pepper telling him she will cut him if he does not at least make an appearance.
Even Pepper doesn't know how a cold can affect his body so he won't be able to get out of it.
Instead of worrying about it, he throws on some jeans, a shirt and trugs his way to the kitchen. He can focus on everything else, after coffee.
It's going to need a couple extra shots today.
"How's the day looking Jarvis?"
"Temperatures are cold and raining unfortunately sir" The AI replies dully and Tony can hear the pity in his voice. He doesn't remember programming that but it makes him feel better someone's on his side at least.
"Fantastic, turn up the heat in the lab yeah?"
"Already done sir. May I also inform you you're temperature is a little too high for comfort sir and if you're cough becomes worse it will cause some internal damage and sever bruising to your chest."
Tony flinches at that, he knows. But he doesn't like being told. He enters the kitchen happy to find it empty.
"Just keep an eye on it for now J alright?"
"Should I inform Dr Banner sir?" Jarvis asks obviously ignoring him.
Tony makes a face as he begins making his coffee.
"What should Jarvis inform Bruce?"
The voice makes Tony jump, clutching his chest dramatically as he glares at Barton. When his ill he feels like his senses aren't as sharp as they usually are, making it way too easy for people to sneak up on him.
"God don't do that bird brain. Do I need to put a bloody bell on you? I have a heart condition you can't sneak up on people like that," His tone is light and joking but there's a hint of serious fright in his voice.
For fuck sakes Barton.
If Clint senses he's actually scared the shit out of Tony he doesn't say anything, but the look on his face indicates he knows something's up. Either way he chooses not to comment and perches himself up on the counter next to the coffee machine, he looks comfortable in his sweats and hoodie. Like he plans to do nothing on this raining day.
"What should JARVIS tell Bruce?" Clint asks again curiously.
Tony just huffs at him, barely flinching at the statement as he makes his coffee.
"Just some papers on Gama rays I've been working on. They're not done yet, so there's no need to inform him just yet JARVIS." Tony says firmly to his AI.
"As you wish sir I will not inform Dr Banner unless the problems escalates," Jarvis says and Tony scowls at the roof.
"There will be no need Jarvis," He grits out. Stupid sassy computer artificial intelligence.
"Very well sir."
Tony rolls his eyes as he adds more sugar to the black liquid.
"Are you and JARVIS having a domestic?" Clint chuckles.
Tony gives Clint a look full of eyebrows, "JARVIS is just testy because I've threatened to put him in the toaster if he doesn't keep his annoying opinions to himself. The coffee machine is lonely I'm sure he'd like the company. "
"Right," Clint says, obviously confused and maybe a little concerned, "The Galas tonight yeah? Has Pepper sent you your suit yet because I got mine this morning and I don't wanna brag or anything but I am going to look hot."
Tony's head shots up, "You're going to the gala?"
"Yeah," Clint says slowly, like he's talking to a toddler, "Everyone is."
"Right," Tony says, "Of course."
Of course everyone's coming to the Gala tonight. That they'll be there with him all night, expecting him to keep up appearances and chat animatedly to people. So he won't be able to slip out early, or keep a low profile in the back. They'll expect him to have his Tony Stark face and persona on.
It's going to be exhausting. Tony would rather stick forks in his eyes. Lovely.
"Is that a problem?" Clint asks rather defensively. Sure him and Tony aren't best mates, Tony makes a habit to try and distance himself from the team, Natasha isn't the only one who can read people, but he didn't think this would be a problem.
"No of course not, just didn't think anyone else was coming. Thought I was being thrown to the sharks by myself. Now we can all be eaten by the press and middle aged rich women looking for a good time," Tony jokes trying to keep it light.
Clint chuckles at that, "Those women have no personal boundaries. Do you know someone tried to pinch my butt last week when I was doing an interview. I felt violated."
"Sure you didn't love it Barton?" Natasha asks, coming out of nowhere (almost scaring the crap out of Tony by the way) and leaning over the genius and grabbing his coffee taking a sip for herself, "Jesus what the fuck is in this Stark? This could probably kill someone." She grimaces.
She's frowning at him when Tony snatches the cup back defensively holding it close to him in a protective manner, "It's coffee leave me alone."
She's still frowning when Clint asks her, "Do you have a dress Nat?"
"Of course", "She scoffs rolling her eyes, "And it's amazing and you'll be drooling. And if you get any droll on me I will personally cut out your arteries."
Clint puts his hands up defensively and Nat smirks.
It's things like this Tony likes about living with people. No longer is he plagued by absolute silence and his own thoughts to occupy himself with. Instead there are actual people voices, that include him in light conversation. It's nice.
Until it isn't.
Tony starts to cough slightly, nothing too loud but the motions are painful and he grabs the arc reactor on instinct, as if holding his chest tightly will stop the shudders that run agonizingly through his body.
He doesn't realise until he finishes that both Nat and Clint are looking at him with concern. Instantly Tony's mind backtracks because no, he doesn't have time nor the emotional capacity to deal with that today.
Or any day.
Or ever.
"Are you okay?" Clint asks and Nat is just looking at him suspiciously. Doing that thing she does when she's calculating how she's going to defeat an enemy. In one swift motion no doubt. Tony doesn't have time to be body slammed on the ground. He has things to do.
"Yeah fine, just something in my throat," He shrugs, holding his coffee close and backtracking away from them very slowly.
Nat doesn't say anything, but looks very unconvinced while Clint looks reflective, "Hey what happens when you get sick. You know with that thing," He gestures vaguely to his own chest, "Does it make it different?"
How very observant of bird brain Tony thinks hilariously and dryly to himself.
"Can barely feel the think Katniss," Tony replies easily, "See you tonight."
With that Tony makes a quick exit brushing past Banner hastily on his way out, barely giving him a glance as he rushes to his lab. He doesn't let himself relax fully until he's in the sanctum of his lab, Dummy running around annoyingly and in his favourite chair. That's when he lets himself cough fully, letting out all the excess air and gunk trapped in his throat. It hurts like a bitch and Dummy is running around in circles clearly at a loss of how to help.
But at least nobody hears him.
-/-/-/-
"He left quickly," Bruce says slowly, bringing his large sweater over his hands and ringing them together in a nervous habit.
Clint just shrugs, taking a long sip out of his own coffee and Nat looks unimpressed.
"What do you know about the arc reactor?" Natasha asks the resident doctor.
Banner looks confused but also a bit sheepish as he pours himself some oats, "Not much more than anyone else I guess, I tried asking about it once. But Tony is good at dodging stuff he doesn't want answered. I left it alone."
Clint snorts, "I wouldn't want to talk about the time terrorists hocked me up to a car battery either."
"What?"
It seemed like one of those days where someone was always going to walk in at the wrong time, because the trio turned to find Steve standing by the doorway, confused look on his face.
"What?" Bruce repeated.
"Who hooked who up to a car battery?" Steve repeated heated, and a little bit sick. He'd just been on a morning run so he's glad in shorts and a tight t-shirt. Never has anyone looked quite so outraged in workout gear.
Nat shared a glance with Clint who looked equally as confused.
"Didn't you read Tony's file?" Bruce asked slowly.
Steve stood stock and defensive, hands crossed over his chest revealing his large biceps in a very Captain America stance, "I did. But it didn't say anywhere in it hooked up to a car battery by terrorists."
Clint and Bruce frowned confused, "What did it say then?"
"All it says about the Ten Rings was that he was kidnapped and held captive in cave and he manufactured the MARK I to escape. Its very limited on details, Tony hacked into the system to make it so and Fury got tired of constantly changing it so he left it," Natasha explains quietly, "I'm sorry Steve. I didn't realise you didn't know."
Steve's face remains unreadable as he stands stock.
Bruce shakes his head silently, "Tony's a very private person, he wouldn't want us gossiping about him."
Steve looks sheepish at that and lowers his arms, looking like a dog being told off, "I don't know anything about the arc reactor. I don't even know how to use that espresso machine if we're being honest so I doubt I'd understand if he told me. I just want make sure my teams okay."
Nat rolls her eyes at the Captains earnest but its thoughtful just the same, "Tony is as fine as someone like Tony can be. I'm worried about that cough though."
"He has a cough?" Steve asks.
"It could be just a cold, he's a big boy," Clint points out reasonably.
Bruce shrugs, "I'd still like to know how an ordinary cold would affect the rector though. Surely it causes some amounts of pain, its wedged next to his heart to ensure shrapnel doesn't kill him. It can't be comfortable on a normal day."
"But you don't know if it causes him pain?" Steve asks.
"He's never mentioned it." Bruce says.
Steve sighs defeated, even if it did it's not like Tony would confined in him of all people. Tony actively avoids his company no matter how hard the blonde tries to reach out. Tony is polite and friendly and teasing in the Stark way he is. But Steve knows when someone's avoiding him and keeping him at arm's length. Sure he's noticed he does it to all the team, but Tony can relax in the presence of Bruce and Natasha a way he never does with him.
Steve isn't petty enough to be bitter.
But he's a bit bitter.
"We'll keep an eye on him tonight Cap. Make sure he's doing all right." Nat assures with one pat to his shoulder and leaves.
Steve sighs, a million thoughts running through his head.
"Were they caught, these men who hooked him up to a car battery?" Steve asks. If they weren't maybe Steve could spend his free time tracking down some people who deserve to have the fear of Captain America instilled in them. It's far more of a Bucky thing to do, revenge and all that. But at the end of the day he's just some kid from Brooklyn who grew up protecting what was his.
Steve wouldn't mind finding some people to hang from buildings.
"It happened a long time ago Steve. Tony would want to let it go," Is all the answer he gets from Bruce. But Clint looks like he might be up for it.
-/-/-/-/-/-
A few hours later Tony is sitting at his desk, head between his legs as a nasty coughing fit racks his lungs. This one is particularly painful and difficult to get through, his breath gets caught and for a moment he thinks he can't gain it back. When he does it rings through him, his entire body and his head slumps on the desk dramatically. He can feel the bruising already forming, over the ones that started an hour ago due to some more coughing.
He didn't realise a cold could get this bad this quickly, and not only is every breathe becoming painful, but now his throat hurts and head is stuffy making it difficult to concentrate.
If Tony didn't actually fear he might stop breathing he'd just lay down on the ground and take a nap. Unfortunately in his current predicament he doesn't want to go to sleep and never actually wake up due to suffocation.
His own body is slowly suffocating him every day, that's the problem when you take out some of your lungs to fit in a giant metal computer to keep out the shrapnel. It's not usually a problem, a far smaller one then shrapnel getting to his heart or it poisoning his body. He's not actively dying anymore.
It's just today apparently, he's not actively not, either.
It's a vicious cycle Tony has discovered.
"Would you like me to inform Pepper that you will not be attending tonight's Gala?" Jarvis asks.
Tony rolls his eyes while continuing to enter numbers into the computer, "Oh yes Jarvis while you're at it tell the other Avengers I'll be taking a sick day too. Due to a cold." He replies snarky.
"While your sarcasm is always acknowledged sir, I would like to consider that as a possible option before you find yourself unable to form coherent sentences."
"I swear to God Jarvis they are going to love you down town at the community college next week," Tony bites back, massaging the outer edges of the reactor.
The computer can't roll his eyes but it almost sounds like he can, "Dually noted sir."
Tony almost feels bad for snapping at Jarvis, considering he is the only one on his side right now. And the only one who will call an ambulance if he dies down here. Still, he doesn't need this kind of sass today. Not when his head hurts like this.
An annoying beeping sound is heard to his left and he snaps again, "What do you want Dummy? Don't think I won't donate you too, you annoying little ball of metal."
The AI just continues to beep madly and shove something in his hand. It's an inhaler.
Tony wants to throw it across the lab.
"Sir, Dummy suggests using the inhaler as it will help with your breathing." JARVIS adds helpfully,
He is going to dismantle all these robots in the morning because he is a grown man who has had enough of being told what to do.
Still, he takes the inhaler sighing and thanking the robot who jumps around enthusiastically, and places the damn thing in his mouth. Two pushes and he can already feel himself breathe better.
It's probably a damn placebo. All in his head.
"Hey Stark,"
Tony almost jumps out of his seat and actually does throw the inhaler behind him when he see's Natasha enter his lab.
That was inconspicuous Tony, he thinks to himself, very smooth indeed. Natasha isn't going to think you're insane at all.
She looks to where the inhaler goes over his head, arms crossed over her chest smirking at him slightly. She's dressed in casual shorts and an oversized t-shirt that makes her frame look even smaller than usual and half as threatening. Tony has to remind himself that she could very much injure him with her eyes closed.
"What's up red? What's brought you to my evil genius headquarters?" He asks.
He doesn't know what he was thinking when he gave Natasha the code to get into his lab. Actually did he give it to her, or did he tell Pepper off hand she could have it for emergencies one day?
Pepper probably gave it to her.
She doesn't say anything, just takes in the space for a few moments. Eyeing up his suits and equipment, and then lands on the inhaler which Dummy scrambles over to and ushers out of sight quickly.
Stupid loveable robots. Tony's going to give him an oil change later.
Tony feels very exposed in the Black Widows presence.
"I wanted to see how my knives were going," She says easily. Tonys pretty sure it's a false sense of security, but he doesn't care.
Instantly he forgets about everything else and his eyes light up, he finished them hours ago and they're amazing. She's going to love them. Sick or not Tony loves talking about new tech.
He shows Natasha the knives and explains how they work and why they're a thousand times better then her last ones. She smiles knowingly at him, allowing him to ramble on about them. It's not until he's literally talked about knives for 17 minutes that he stops and looks sheepish.
He went on a tech rant, one of those moments where he loses himself in what he supposes people would call a passion. Passion seems like such a bland and generic term for what he does though. Tech is literally his life, its keeping him together.
Despite that the red head hasn't interrupted him once throughout his speech, which is a little weird because people usually tell him to knock it off and speak English rather quickly.
Once again he feels far too exposed, like he relieved something maybe he shouldn't have.
Also, he coughed a fair bit throughout his prompt speech, not even realising he was massaging the reactor. He puts his hand down instantly hoping she doesn't realise and hands her the knives.
"You're chest playing up?" She asks nonchalant, looking for signs.
Tony can't help but freeze and turn his back on her, clearly something was up,
"Just a bit of a cough, you know," He waves a hand dismissively picking up some power tools, just to keep his hands busy.
"I don't actually," Natasha says bluntly.
Tony doesn't like this, this prying of sorts. He doesn't know what her end game is but he doesn't like it.
"It's fine, nothing to worry about spider bite,"
"You sound kind of, stuffy," Natasha says blankly and Tony has the decency to whip around.
"I do not sound stuffy," He cries a little outraged, because he does not sound stuffy. That's not a thing that he does.
She just shrugs, "Is that an inhaler?" She gestures to the little object that is not hidden very well behind a bin.
When Tony doesn't say anything she just sighs, "Is there anything I or the team should be worried about?"
Tony goes stock and defensive, stiffing at her words, "I assure you if I'm not up to maximum performance I won't put the team in any danger by doing something I shouldn't."
Because at the end of the day that's what it boils down to isn't it?
Tony not being a worthy member of the team, not being able to protect others or even himself. Can't even keep his bloody heart pumping. He works every day to be good enough to be an avenger, he doesn't need the team thinking his weak or something.
Natasha however looks saddened, "That's not what I mean."
Tony puts on his media smile, "Oh it isn't? Well that's just lovely, but I've got things to do. Suits to upgrade, science to explore, more knives to make. I'm a very busy and important person Romanoff. If I can't make a super play date I'll be sure to let director Fury know"
He's distant and aggressive in a way that only a Stark can.
Natasha while slightly ticked off is not fooled.
"Thanks for the knives Stark. Don't forget your inhaler tonight," and with that she leaves.
Tony throws the damn thing at the wall after her when the door closes.
-/-/-/-/-
It takes Natasha all of 20 minutes to hack into top secret Shield files, honestly they need to up their security. It helps that she knows most of Fury and Colsons passwords that she's memorised over the course of her career when maybe she shouldn't have.
But its whatever, she does what needs to be done.
Tony truly has wiped most stuff he doesn't want known to the public or even SHIELD, but there's a file on Colsons computer about the arc reactor. The file is more like a personal log from a friend then it is a general SHEILD comparison file. Colson has written it from the point of view of a friend logging down information that might be needed again.
It states how it began to fail a few years ago and Stark almost died. She does recall that, she was babysitting the genius at the time, but she was unaware why the problem had occurred. There's also some basic information about it, triggers and daily routines.
In this she learns just how much of a problem it causes Stark on a daily basis and it looks particularly nasty when he's sick.
So that's what Tony's keeping secret.
Pain.
-/-/-/-/-
By the time the Gala comes round Tony wants to die. Literally his whole body hurts. He throat is like sand paper, his head is killing him and he hasn't eaten anything in hours afraid it will come back up. And the cough. The god awful, life enduing cough.
In retrospect, it's just a common cold. Tony can tell he shouldn't be reacting this bad. But normal colds are just so much worse with his arc reactor. And he wants to die. He would happily let JARVIS put him out of his misery now if he was capable of it.
And you know, if it wasn't considered murder. Or suicide. Tonys not sure what robot killing would come under, considering JARVIS is technically an extension of him.
"Sir I really must advise you to get some bed rest," The AI intervenes as Tony downs a bottle of cough syrup. He's ready for the Gala, tie all done up and suit looking suave. Well, as polished as he can when he feels like death. But he still reckons he'll look better then Barton at least.
"I promise I'll rest when I get home J, can you just keep an eye out for me tonight?" Tony asks, he's practically pleading with his AI now. How pathetic.
"As you wish sir," he says it in a tone that indicates he doesn't believe Tony will rest later. And he has good grounds on that one. Even if Tony would deny it.
With one last check in the mirror, make sure he's fly isn't down or something embarrassing like that he goes to the living room to find the rest of the team laying in wait.
Thor, Banner, Steve and Clint look sophisticated in their suites as always and Natasha looks stunning in her red floor length dress.
"Well don't we scrub up nicely," Tony says nodding to Natasha and she gives him a small smile back. He doesn't like the way she's eyeing him down currently. But he'll ignore it.
"You look lovely Mr. Stark," She replies.
He flashes her a winning grin and offers up his arm for her to take, which she does easily.
"Shall we go?" She asks the rest of the team.
Banner looks like he would rather be anywhere else then in a suit, and Clint and Thor just look bored. Steve nods though, looking ready as ever to take on the challenge. Always the Boy Scout in every situation.
"Lead the way," Steve indicates and the six of them go.
The lights are hideously bright in the stupid room and everyone just seems to want to talk to him about something mundane and ridiculous. He honestly does not give two flying fucks about who is marrying how, or why he isn't married yet or whatever banal gossip is flying around the high and mightiest. Most of the people here don't really care about the charity their actually here for, rather gossiping about who slept with who and what scandal is coming next.
Tony wants to go home.
He doesn't though, of course. That would be unprofessional. Besides he's got the avengers tailing him at every corner and he's not sure what their angle is yet. Natasha stayed planted on his side when they arrived and when he was accosted by some blonde journalist who wanted a quote.
When he went to go get a drink, water only because he couldn't stomach anything else if he wanted, Clint had followed him around making fun of all the weird and colourful ties some of the men had opted for.
When food arrived and Tony simply moved it around with his fork, Steve sat by him happily chatting about how food in this century was much better than the 40s. Tony would have usually made fun of him but tonight he just didn't have the energy.
It's almost the end of the night, and Tony's almost lasted throughout this whole thing without coughing up a lung or sneezing over everyone. Or god forbid vomiting on something.
He's had a few tiny but painful coughing fits, but nothing he couldn't handle.
That's until he's having a very one sided conversation with some man from some company, he stopped listening properly a while back when he mentioned Justin Hammer and shudders ran through his spine for that moron. The guy lost a lot of credibility when he started going on about Hammers unprecedented work.
For some reason he gets a tickle in the back on his throat he can't quite manage. He starts coughing slightly until he realises he can't stop. He indicates a finger to the gentlemen, hoping that excuses him, and races out towards the hall.
He's leaning on the wall, head between his legs and he gasps for air and realises he isn't getting any. He wants to cough but he can't because he can't breathe and he clutches the arc reactor, it feels like it's being thudded out of his chest painfully.
He is going to die in the corridor alone because he can't breathe.
In that moment Tony feels hands on his shoulders, big strong hands and someone's in his face trying to calm him down.
Tonys first reaction is to panic and try and push them away but he's too weak for that, and another hand is grasping on to his anyway.
He realises its Steve in front of him, large hands on his shoulders trying to get the genius to copy his own breathing and be calm.
Clint and Thor are behind him, and Bruce is on the other side of Tony while Nat clutches at his hand.
"His inhaler, Tony do you have your inhaler on you?" Natasha asks slow and direct.
"Why does he have an inhaler?" He hears Clint ask and Steve is repeating the question only to Tony.
"Tony do you have an inhaler?" Steve's seen asthma attacks countless times over his life, mainly it was him and Bucky always calmed him down by getting him to match the breathing. It doesn't seem to be doing a lot for Tony though.
"Y-yeah," Tony gasps out and he fiddles with the inside of his jacket. Luckily Natasha picks up on this and gets it herself.
Quickly it's being placed in his mouth, two little pumps and his breathing slows down. His hands are shaking violently and he can't look anyone in the eyes, but his breathing has slowed down and he gasps for air.
It's silent for a while, everyone too afraid to make any sudden movements while Tony tries to get him composure back to normal. He grasps at his chest.
That was frightening. And embarrassing.
'You okay?" Steve is the first to break the silence, but he hasn't moved his hands.
Tony does that for him as he shakes the taller man off him, gaining his composure and moving away from the little group slightly.
"Yeah, thanks. Sorry," Is all he says.
They're silent again for a little bit before Clint breaks it, "Are you going to tell us what the fuck that was or are we just gonna stand around like idiots."
Natasha glares at him and Tony rolls his eyes. He's good at this, deflecting. Pretending his fine. He knows they don't truly care though either, so deflecting is a lot easier when the people want to believe what you're telling them. Even if it's not true.
"It was nothing, I'm fine now. Thanks for that guys. But nothing to see here, just a bit of an issue, I've got it covered though," He says quickly, easily, "Now let's go back out there I think they had some of those mini shrimp things left."
He goes to dodge them but Steve grabs his arm firmly, "You haven't eaten anything all night."
Okay, well he wasn't expecting that.
"Are you've only been drinking water but you cringe after every sip, and you're really warm. And if i didn't know any better I'd call that an asthma attack or a panic attack," Steve lists off, concern growing more and more, "Tony what's wrong?"
Tony does his best not to groan but it comes out anyway, "Jezz cap didn't realise you keep tabs on me. I'm fine, just a little under the weather but nothing a good dose of scotch and a good night's sleep can't fix."
"If you're sick you should have said something," Steve says stubbornly and Tony shakes his arm out of the Captains grip.
"I'm not sick," He spits like it's an insult.
"You've got a cold," Natasha says simply, but Tony's not fooled. He knows she knows something, the look she's giving him says it.
Stupid spy.
"A cold?" Steve repeats like he's misheard, "A cold doesn't almost kill you in the lobby."
"It does if you've got a hole in your chest," Natasha says and Tony frowns.
"Have you been snooping around in my stuff?" He asks part outraged and also part impressed. She certainly knows what she's doing that's for sure.
"Okay wait guys, I'm so confused. Why is a cold almost killing Tony?" Clint asks puzzled and Tony wants the floor to open up and eat him.
Bruce seems to be contemplating, "It's the coughing. It's affecting the arc reactor negatively and making it difficult to breathe due to the reduced lung capacity and extra fluid you're body is producing. Every time you cough it's like a sharp stabbing on your organs. Tony you must be in a lot of pain."
Tony glares at the doctor, which usually gets the guy to shut up but he just looks seriously pained on Tonys behalf.
"I'm fine," Tony says, like it would kill him to say anything else. It might by the look on his face. Not to mentions Steve's face. He looks so disappointed Tony could throw up.
Steve looks disappointed in him, and it's not for his usual negative comments or sassy remarks. This is far too much to handle for the genius.
"Let's go home," Is all Steve says, but it's in a way that nobody disagrees with him. He has his Captain America voice on. The one that everyone obeys and get's their butts into gear. Well Tony isn't just anyone, and he will not be bossed around by Spangles.
"Hang on, I wasn't finished with the event," Tony says, standing his ground.
Steve doesn't stand down either, is the problem, and he looks more amused than Tony feels comfortable with.
"Would you like to have another coughing fit and end up all over tomorrows news paper because a journalist caught it?" Steve asks reasonably and brass.
He has a point.
With that they head home.
-/-/-/-/-
Tony would very much like to simply curl up on the couch in his lab, have Dummy fetch him some water and just pass out for a few hours. But the avengers have other ideas.
He tries to make an escape for the elevator in hopes to get to his lab and lock it down, but Thor easily grabs him by the shoulders and manoeuvres him to the living room couch.
"Friend Stark you are pained with illness and Lady Romanoff says we need to fix it," Thor booms loudly while basically pushing him into the seat.
"You can't fix it Point Break I'm fine. It will go away on its own," Tony tries to stand back up, but again is pushed onto the couch, ignored.
"We do not have illness on my planet, but Jane was sick once and it was unpleasant. From the endeavour of the lobby I assume yours is too," Thor says and takes a seat on the couch next to Tony.
He wishes he could snap at the god but he's too sincere for his own good.
"Does it hurt a lot?" Clint asks, studying the genius as he perches himself on the edge of the couch. Watching over intently.
Tony groans and puts his head in his hands dramatically,
"It's fine really. It's just a cold," He tries to explain. Because, really that's all it is.
Natasha snorts while handing him a bottle of water and pain killers, "You sure about that Mashenka?"
Despite everything, he takes the water and pills. He doesn't even know what they are, that says a lot about his state of mind right now.
"Technically speaking, yes it is just a cold thank you," He replies, more sulkily then he would like.
He just wants to sleep. Why won't they let him sleep?
"Tony," Steve has appeared now and he looks more wrecked than ever. Tony wants to laugh in his face, make fun of him for worrying and being a fun sponge. He just doesn't have it in him though.
"What? What Steve? What can you all possibly do that I cannot about the situation?" Tony says frustrated now, standing up and glaring at them all, "It is just a cold but unfortunately a cold is not as simple as it once was due to this little blub of light coming from inside my chest. And no I didn't tell any of you about it because it's none of your bloody business is what it is. Breathing sometimes becomes an issue. So what? There's nothing else I can do about it if I want to keep living is their? So thank you all very much for not letting me suffocate tonight, but no thank you for whatever this is." With that he glares at Steve and then Natasha for good measure,
"And you stay out of whatever it is you read. That information is not supposed to be held by SHEILD." He points at Natasha.
He's peeved off at Fury or whoever let the super spy in on it.
"Fury doesn't have anything on it. Colson kept a record from two years ago, symptoms and causes of what the rector does. In case it plays up again," Natasha says calmly, like plays up doesn't mean almost die.
Tonys a little put out by that if he's honest. It's almost a nice thing for Colson to do.
Almost.
"Tony you're really sick and you didn't tell anyone," Bruce says quietly, like he's hurt. Maybe he is, Tony thinks. He hadn't thought about that.
"It's not like you can do anything."
"We could have made it easier. Helped a bit," Clint shrugs, "It's not much but we wouldn't have made you go to the Gala tonight,"
Tony rolls his eyes, "It's not about the Gala."
"No it's about the fact that we're a team and you don't trust us," Steve says automatically.
Tony freezes a bit. Trust. There's that word again.
"It's not about trust," Tony tries to insist but its weak even to his ears.
"You seem to think that this team unit doesn't work on an equal footing," Bruce said quietly and Tony rolls his eyes.
"We're not about to have some crap group therapy session about team and value are we, I really don't want to do that," Tony says almost pleading.
He really fucking doesn't.
"Imagine if anyone else on this team had done what you did tonight. Just last week you were helping Clint with new hearing aids so he wouldn't be defenceless, and Nat last month when she was cut open from the thigh down. Two weeks ago you bankrupted a whole News company when they called Thor stupid in one of their articles. Tony don't you think we wouldn't be as worried about you as you are for us?" Steve asks, pleading with the older man.
They're doing it on purpose, trying to appeal to his tender side. The side that wants this team and family more badly than anything else. He can't say it though. It'll be ruined.
"It's not about that though. This isn't something you can fix. I was doing just fine on my own," Tony says.
"You don't have to, is the thing," Bruce says patting Tonys shoulder slightly, as he sits down gingerly.
This is the most words Tonys ever spoken to the group as a whole, he feels so cut open and raw. Like he's exposed to the world in a bad way. But at the same time, he also feels, dare he say, safe.
"I don't need help," Tony insists.
Clint snorts, "Everyone needs help. Even Fury. Even Colson!"
Suddenly a sickening memory flashes back to Steve, of Howard when they were working together. Talking over something inane, stupid really. But the phrase struck him as odd, twisted somehow.
"Stark men are made of iron," Steve says quietly and Tony's head snaps up.
He doesn't look mad, just resigned. He laughs humourlessly, "Yeah. Stark men are made of Iron. That's what dad always said."
He presses the palms of his hands tightly into his eyes. Pushing back all the memories that threaten to flood over like a down pour of horrible decisions and phrases. A cough expels him and suddenly he's trying to hold back tears of pain that almost escape him.
God it hurts.
"That's the one of the most fucked up thing I've ever heard. You're dad said that to you? As a child?" Clint asks disturbed and Natasha wacks him gently.
"We're not going to play who had the worst father Katniss," Tony deadpans.
He might not even win that game. Sure Howard sucked, but everyone on this team has had their fair share of shitty parents. Besides, Cap still idolizes the guy.
Peaking at the captain now though he looks torn. Fighting an inner battle with himself about Howard.
"Is there anything we can do?" Nat asks softly, like speaking too loudly might scare Tony away to his shop and changing the subject completely.
He sighs when the coughing calms down, "It's just a normal cold. Have to ride it out like any other. The cough, its uncomfortable is all."
They've almost beaten him he thinks bitterly, torn down all his walls so he's actually telling them what's wrong. He can't remember the last time he told someone when he was ill. Probably he's dad when he was a kid. And Howard told him to get over it, Stark men don't complain.
Fantastic.
"Well, I know the best chicken soup recipe in the world. It makes everything better, I'm positive of it," Bruce says and pats Tonys knee gently while he makes his way to the kitchen.
"That's really not necessary Bruce," Tony says but the man's already in the kitchen and Steve is eyeing him warily. Like he's afraid Tony's going to leave and won't be able to make sure he doesn't suffocate himself.
"You know what Steve and Thor have never seen," Natasha asks breaking the tension, "Lord of the rings."
Tony frowns at her but Clint starts jumping off the couch, "That's something that's going to have to be rectified, come on gang. Movie night, I'll set up the movie. Jarvis?"
"Would you like the extended editions or the theatrical ones sir?" The AI replies without missing a beat.
"The extended obviously, we're not heathens," Clint scoffs.
"Certainly sir,"
"I know what you're doing, and no. It needs to stop," Tony says but Steve is already grabbing his hands and guiding him to the living room. And he isn't resisting.
Tony very rarely participates in movie nights. He's attended a couple, but really he is a very busy person with lots of robots to build.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Steve insists, a shit eating grin on his face, the one he gets when he knows he's going to get his way. Tony imagines it's the one he would give Bucky when they were kids. He gently pushes Tony onto the oversized plush couch he bought when the Avengers all moved in, they needed something much bigger then you're average one considering Thor could be about two people and Steve isn't exactly normal size either.
Steve's handing him a fluffy blanket before he can protest and he frowns, "What is this?"
Steve shrugs, sitting next to him and placing his arm over the couch. Above Tony but not actually touching him, it's a nice presence. Tony didn't think Steve would be the one to register he might like the comfort without actually being touched.
There's some bustling around while Thor gets comfortable on the other couch and Clint perches himself on the bean bags, Tony's never owned a bean bag before Clint but apparently they're a thing he likes. He doesn't protest, only glares at Nat when she brings in a humidifier.
"It's supposed to help airways," She says easily and Tony just rolls his eyes. He's pretty sure he read a paper where that's a bunch of bull but he'll let her have it. If it makes her feel better.
Tonys a little out of sorts when Natasha curls up next to him on the couch, and gently holds his shoulders indicating for him to lie down on the pillow she puts on her lap. He's very hesitant at first, unsure if this is truly a thing he wants to be doing with his life, he's seen her kill people with two fingers, that position with the Black Widow is basically tempting fate for someone like Tony.
He gives in though, when she gives him a look of all eye brows. Maybe not doing as she says would be worse in this situation.
He's mortified when Steve then places the blanket on top of him, and he jumps out of his skin when he feels a tiny had push around the outer of the reactor. He grabs her wrist in a panic, an automatic fight response but she's looking directly at him with tender eyes. A silent question asking if she can continue, she's got her other hand in the air so he can see it and he knows if he says stop she will.
It dawns on Tony he's part of a trust exercise right now, and he's losing.
Reluctantly, he lets go of her wrist, but eyes her hand down the entire time she moves it closer to the reactor. Nobody except Pepper has ever touched it before.
Her hand comes down and slowly starts to massage the outer edges and, oh.
That's kind of nice. Its releasing some of the tension, and her hand is more than gentle enough to cause no pain even around all the tender and bruising forming. She must see the bruises, they're purple from here but she doesn't comment on it.
He usually subconsciously rubs at the reactor when its tense or painful, having someone else do it is a lot nicer though.
"Saw you doing it before, this okay?" Natasha asks very quietly, but Tonys sure a group of super soldiers and assassins can hear.
Tony's too stunned and embarrassed to actually respond, so he just nods. He can feel everyone's eyes on him, but he tries to ignore it.
Bruce comes in and they start up the movie, Steve asks a running commentary throughout. Tony wouldn't have pinned him as a chatter when movies are on, but he says it's fantastic having it in a home where he can chat and move around where ever he pleases. This was something they never even imagined when he was a kid.
It's nice, is the thing. Being surrounded by all these weirdos who are all about as messed up as him. That seem to want to actually be around him, enjoy his company even if he is more equip to communicate with robots.
When Boromir is injured at the end of the first movie Tony almost flinches when he feels Steve grab on to his ankle. When he looks over to the blonde he looks distraught.
He would usually make fun of him for it, but he's to content to move.
He doesn't even realise he falls asleep. And he wakes up hours later to the end of the third movie playing. Frodo is about to throw the ring into the fire.
He looks up, Natasha is still there watching the movie intently with her hand on his chest. Steve has fallen asleep if the dead weight on his legs is an indicator of anything. He doesn't move though, just settles back down and closes his eyes. He hasn't coughed in hours and he doesn't ever remember getting this much sleep.
Maybe, he could get used to this whole team thing.