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Pony hates when the others are out. Maybe it comes from having lived in a loud, crowded house most of his life, but the apartment is uncomfortable without at least one of them there with him. It’s silly, of course. Johnny and Dally always make sure to be back by dinner, and if they’ll be late then they always give the apartment a call. But right now, that knowledge is the reason why Pony hasn’t stopped pacing around for the past thirty minutes. It’s only thirty minutes past the time they’re usually home, but Pony can’t help but worry. The only thing that keeps him from going insane every day is the fact that he’ll always know exactly when they get home, and now they aren’t home. If this is how Darry felt when Pony was 14 and constantly missing curfew, then Pony’ll send some apology flowers to his doorstep and beg for his forgiveness.
‘What if they got into a car accident on the way home from work? Wouldn’t I have gotten a call? But what if the hospital didn’t know who to call for some reason? Maybe Dally and Johnny are just stuck in traffic… But what if they’re not? Did they get mugged? Jumped? I kept telling them not to take night shifts but do they ever listen to me? No-’
Pony’s frantic thoughts are cut off by the sound of the door opening and Dally’s voice shouting “We’re home!” Rushing to the front door, the older boys don’t have a moment to regain their bearings before Pony is fussing and checking them over for injuries. “Fucking finally! Dinners been ready half an hour! Where have ya’ll been? I have half-a-mind to strangle you two and make you dinner!” If Pony wasn’t so worked up, he would’ve laughed at Dally’s wide, almost frightened eyes, and Johnny’s surprised puppy-like expression. Even now that they’re adults (lord Pony’s twenty, how amazing is that?), Johnny hasn’t stopped looking like he’s 5 years younger than he is, and Pony finds it the funniest thing. Usually. Pony ain’t laughing right now.
“Woah woah, kid, calm down! Glory, you’re damn near red in the face! We just got caught up. Buck needed our help gettin’ cleaned up, there was a nasty fight tonight. Nothin’ serious.” Dally gives Pony a bewildered look, unsure if he should be concerned for Pony or for himself and Johnny, who nods and puts a hand on Pony’s arm.
“Yeah Pone. Didn’t mean to worry ya. Just had to stay a little later. We would’ve called if we’d known you’d be this worried about us.” Pony knows they don’t mean to sound condescending. He knows it. But it sounds like that anyways, and a sick feeling flips around in his stomach. A feeling that's almost like shame, and his lips purse as he scans his eyes over them for injuries one more time. It’s only when Pony looks down at his feet, does he realize that he’s shaking.
After a moment of silence, and a few shared glances between Dally and Johnny, the two of them throw an arm around his shoulders and start tugging him to the couch, prompting a confused noise out of him.
“Dinner can wait. Johnny and I are exhausted. Seriously man, you won’t believe this crazy ass broad that came in during lunch-” Dally starts rambling about some busty chick that had come in and caused a ruckus, but Pony isn’t really listening. He’s too focused on trying not to bury himself alive due to embarrassment. Of course Dally and Johnny are fine, they’d only been thirty minutes late yet Pony had damn near attacked them over it. He’d been doing so good at not letting on how much he hates when they leave, and now he’s gone and shown how much of a wimp he is. Honestly, he sounded like a fussing house-wife or some shit, and now he’s shaking and, and- oh.
“Dally. Dally shut up, he’s crying! Pony, are you okay?” Johnny’s worried face comes into view, but he can barely make it out through his tears.
“Yeah, yeah. ‘M fine! Gosh, I must be havin’ an allergic reaction or something...” Dally and Johnny make disbelieving noises, but don’t point out how it’s Fall, or that Pony isn’t allergic to anything. That just makes Pony feel worse, because he’d been so dramatic and fussy since the moment they walked in the door, but they’ve been so damn nice; leading him to the couch so he could calm down, letting him cry, and not making him feel bad about it or pressuring him to talk.
An arm wraps around his waist, and suddenly Pony’s being pulled into Dally’s chest while Johnny leans against Pony’s back and rubs between his shoulder blades. Like a dam, Pony bursts out into sobs, and suddenly everything comes pouring out of him.
“‘M sorry! I just- I hate when yall leave cause the house just gets so quiet, and empty, and I can’t stop worrying that the phone is gonna ring and then-” Ponyboy cuts himself off, but he knows that Dally and Johnny have already pieced it together, if the way then stiffened is any sign.
“Pony-” Johnny’s voice sounds anguished as he speaks, wrapping his arms around Pony’s waist, right above Dally’s arm.
“Lord, have you been scared we’ll get into an accident like your parents did this whole time?” All of a sudden, Ponyboy feels very young as he buries his face in Dally’s chest, too overwhelmed to speak. He wants to, but he just can’t. The fear and shame and guilt all swirl around in his mind and pool in his stomach until he feels like he could throw up on Dally. Not that he would- poor Dal already feels stiff as a board, if he threw up on him then Dally might cry. Pony makes a note in the back of his mind to thank Dally for sticking around even though he’s clearly uncomfortable.
Just as he has that thought, Dally huffs and brings a hand up to tap Pony’s cheek, making him look up at the tow-headed boy.
“Look, Johnnycake and I ain’t gonna be dying for a long time, you hear? Your parents-... they were somethin’. But we ain’t gonna go out like them. Next time we think we’ll be even a minute late, I’ll make Buck call and tell you. And don’t hide shit like this from us, kid.” Dally flicks his forehead, and Ponyboy blinks, his tears slowing as he stares at Dally in shock. He didn’t know Dally could be that soft, and it must show on his face because Dally scowls and pushes Ponyboy into Johnny’s arms instead.
Still, Pony’s shock aside, when he looks up at Johnny, as if asking him ‘is Dally right,’ Johnny gives him a smile and pulls Pony closer to his side. For a moment, Pony goes back to nights when he and Johnny would sit in the lot, leaning on each other and murmuring about living together with a nice big bed and no Socs or greasers to worry about. Then he blinks back to reality - Johnny looking down at him all sad and understanding, Dally leaning against his side and watching Pony with a scowl to see if he’s gonna start crying again, the scent of chili and cornbread in the air. It’s not a house in the country, and Dally’s unexpectedly there with them, and people still look at them and spit ‘greaser,’ or more recently ‘queer’ at them, but the restless fear in Pony’s heart starts to calm.
It’s not guaranteed that Johnny and Dally will always be home on time, or that they’ll never get into an accident. A part of Pony will always be scared that he’ll be called to identify their bodies just like Darry was six years ago. And he knows for a fact that Johnny and Dally will grill him on why he ain’t said something sooner, and how long this has been going on, and whatnot. But as the worries of the day crash down on his eyelids and pull them shut, he thinks he can rest a little easier, now that Johnny and Dally know a bout his fears, and will always be there to reassure him that they’ll come home.