Work Text:
“Look,” Hyde starts, reaching down to grab his water bottle from the mini fridge. “All I’m saying is that some people should have their Internet privileges revoked for the rest of their lives.” He straightens back up and kicks the door of the fridge shut. “I’m not being mean--” (Yes you are, Lily interjects with a mumble) “--I’m just saying what all of us are thinking.” He sets his water bottle down on the air conditioning unit by his bed.
A loud bang echoes through the room and all four heads turn towards the air conditioner. “Oh fuck me,” Hyde whispers, leaping down off of his bed. “Oh god, no.”
“What happened, shitty hedgehog?” Licht demands, half rising off his own bed.
“Well, I’m not a hundred percent sure on this,” Kuro drawls, fighting back a smile. “But I’m pretty sure my dear younger brother just knocked his phone back behind the air conditioning unit.”
“Oh no,” Lily breathes out as Licht falls back onto his bed cackling. “Did you really, Hyde?”
“Whhhhhhy does god hate me?” Hyde moans, hovering anxiously over the air unit. “Where the fuck did it go?”
“Do you not see it back there?” Lily asks, moving over to where Hyde is leaning over the unit.
“No, I-oh goddamn, tell me it didn’t fall where I think it did.” Hyde is peering behind the unit and his voice sounds strange as it reverberates off the metal of the air conditioner.
“It didn’t fall where you think it did,” Kuro says helpfully, and Licht shoves his face into his pillow, tears in his eyes.
“Fuck you,” Hyde says without turning to look at his brother. He does briefly glance over at his boyfriend, however. “Licht, some sympathy would be nice.”
“I’m sorry you set your water bottle down so aggressively you knocked your phone behind the air conditioner,” Licht hiccups, looking up from his pillow. Hyde throws his hands up in frustration, turning back to the more pressing matter.
“Where did it fall?” Lily asks.
“There’s a part of the back panel on the unit that’s missing,” Hyde explains, tapping the back of the AC. His rings click against the metal and the sound echos through the unit. “So the whole left side of the back of our air conditioner is exposed, and you see those tiny black squares propping it up?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, they’re hollow on the inside.” There’s a pause as everyone takes in what Hyde’s just said.
“You mean to tell me,” Licht says slowly. “That not only did you manage to knock your phone behind our AC unit, you managed to get it wedged in the foot of the unit, which if I remember what you told me when we moved in, is like five inches deep?”
“Yes,” Hyde hisses. “That is what I’m telling you, Lich-tan.”
“You’re such a talented individual,” Licht says, voice shaky. “Truly a gift to this planet. God, I’m so glad I didn’t go to practice so that I could be here for this amazing moment.”
“Me too,” Hyde says, insincerity dripping from every word. “Now will you help me?”
“And just what the hell am I supposed to do?” Licht demands, slipping off his bed to head towards Hyde. “In case you’ve forgotten, I can’t see.”
“Then be moral support!” Hyde says, even as he’s turning around to catch Licht before he stumbles into the AC. Gently, he guides Licht in the direction of his own bed, keeping a hand on his back to steady him as he jumps up on it.
“Go, Hyde, go,” Licht cheers flatly, waving his arms halfheartedly. Kuro falls out of his chair with a snort of laughter.
“I’m gonna go sit on your bed,” he tells Licht. “You cool with that?”
“Yeah, go for it,” Licht answers.
“You let Kuro onto a bed, you’re not getting it back for the next few hours,” Hyde points out, shoving his glasses back up onto his face.
“Yeah, but I’ve got yours now,” Licht points out. “And don’t you have a phone you need to fish out?”
“Working on it,” Hyde grunts as he lays down on the floor. He scoots forward so that his head is pressed against the bottom edge of the AC unit. “I can see it, I just don’t know if I can get it.”
“Do you want me to get you a hanger?” Lily asks, and Hyde grunts in confirmation. He moves away to dig through Hyde’s dresser and returns a moment later with a bright orange hanger.
“Honestly, what is your obsession with the color orange?” Kuro asks from where he’s curled up on Licht’s bed.
“Is now really the time to drag me over this?” Hyde asks, taking the hanger from Lily. “Can we pencil this in for after I get my phone back?”
“I’m gonna hold you to that.”
“S’fine, do whatever,” Hyde says, jamming the hanger underneath the AC. “Lily, do you still carry that nail care kit with you wherever you go?”
“Yes,” his younger brother says. “Why do you ask?”
“Don’t suppose it has tweezers in it, does it?” There’s a bang and Hyde swears, pulling the hanger free from under the air conditioner.
“I’ll go check,” Lily says, heading for his back which is strapped around Licht’s desk chair. “Just give me a moment.”
“This is some MacGyver shit right here,” Licht observes, leaning back against Hyde’s pillows. “Have you considered changing to the engineering major?”
“And have to do math? Fuck that,” Hyde says, reaching down under the unit again. “I also want everyone to know that the foundation of this dorm is shit, because the concrete slab that’s supposed to keep the unit in place is eroding and I can actually reach under the foot a little bit.”
“I mean,” Kuro starts as Lily lets out a triumphant cry, pulling tweezers from his bag. “Are you really surprised about that?”
“No, just wanted to share with the class.”
“The class appreciates it,” Lily tells his brother, handing him the tweezers. “Here you go.”
“Lily, you are an amazing human being, and I love and appreciate you,” Hyde tells him. He scoots forward another few inches, wedging his arm up to his shoulder against the unit.
“So, let’s assume worst case scenario,” Licht begins, while Hyde tries to get a grip on his phone with the tweezers. “We can’t get your phone out from the air conditioner-do we put in a work order for it or what?” He snorts. “What the hell would we even title the work order as?”
“We’re not gonna put in a work order because I’m going to get my damn phone back if it’s the last thing I do,” Hyde says. He pulls away from the air conditioner with a frustrated sigh. “I can’t get a good enough grip on it to yank it out; I’m going to try to just shove it out with my fingers.”
“I wonder if you could stick your arm back behind the unit,” Lily ponders. “There’s a gap between the wall and the unit you could probably get into.”
“Yeah, but I don’t think my arm is long enough,” Hyde says, shifting on the floor. “God, it’s right there, I can feel it, but I can’t get it out.” He whines quietly. “Come back to me, phone, I promise I’ll buy you a new case.”
“You cheating on me, shitty hedgehog?” Licht asks.
“Yes,” Hyde says bluntly, pushing himself up off the floor. “I’m sorry Licht, but the feelings between me and my phone cannot be ignored any longer.”
“How dare you,” Licht says with a small grin. “Well, your phone is playing hard to get right now, if you haven't’ noticed.”
“No, I noticed,” comes the bitter response. “Alright, time to try Lily’s idea; I’m gonna shove my arm into the hole.”
“See, it’s times like these that I mean when I tell you that you need to think about the things you say,” Kuro says, shaking his head.
“Your brother has a point,” Licht adds.
“My moral support sucks,” Hyde says, wedging himself in between his bed and the AC unit. Licht reaches out to brush against his back and Hyde bats his hand away lightly. “I’m going in.”
Both Kuro and Licht have to stifle a laugh as Hyde dips his arm down into the gap just behind the AC unit. He stops just a bit below his shoulder and lets out a quiet gasp of pain.
“Fuck, this hurts!” He hisses, yanking his arm back up. His skin rubs against the metal and creates a high pitched squealing sound that makes Licht wrinkle his nose in distaste.
“That didn’t sound good,” the pianist says as Hyde collapses back against him.
“Didn’t feel good either,” he grunts, nursing his arm tenderly. “Okay, take two.” He announces, tentatively sticking his arm back into the space. “Oww, oww, fuck, oww.”
Lily has moved to lie on the floor, peering underneath the air conditioner. “Oh, I see the gap you’re talking about.” He sticks his arm under, trying to coax the phone forward. “It’s just small enough that we can’t get our fingers in there.”
“We kinda gathered that from Hyde’s spectacular failure,” Kuro notes.
“Shut up,” Hyde growls, yanking his arm free again. He glances down into the gap and takes a deep breath. “Hey Lily, do you think that you can get a hold on my phone and push it down and up?”
“Down and up?” His sibling questions.
“Yeah, try to get it to stick up in the air. I want to see if I can see it if you do that.”
“Alright, I’ll try,” Lily says, a determined look on his face. He shifts slightly, and then there’s a quiet clink from under the unit. “I think I got it.”
“Alright, hold up,” Hyde says, leaning over the unit. “Fuck, there it is!”
For the third time, he sticks his arm back behind the AC, trying desperately to get a grip on the cell phone. “Why are my arms so short?”
“Genetics,” Kuro says helpfully, scooting towards the end of Licht’s bed to survey the scene better. “Or so I would think.”
“Not helping, Kuro.”
“Never offered to,” his older brother returns smugly.
“Yeah, I noticed that,” Hyde says through gritted teeth, glaring at his older brother. Kuro offers him a shrug.
“Three people would only make the situation more complicated, and Licht has moral support covered,” Kuro says. Licht waves his arms again to prove his point. “See? He’s killing it.”
Despite himself, Hyde laughs. “Oh my god, fuck this semester. Fuck it with a cactus and no lube.” He straightens abruptly. “Wait, lube! That’s a great idea!”
“I’m sorry, what the actual fuck?” Licht deadpans, aiming a kick at his boyfriend. Hyde shrugs it off with a small grunt and dashes over to his dresser, reaching for something on top of it. “Because there are only a handful of things I can think of that involve lube, and I can promise you that none of them are gonna happen right now.”
“But later is fair game?” Kuro asks pointedly, and Licht turns to glare at him. “I just want clarification.”
“First, you can fuck right off because my sex life is none of your buisness,” Hyde says over his shoulder. “Second of all, it’s not lube so much as it is lotion that’s going to be used as a lubricant.”
“Go on?” Licht prompts, glancing over at his boyfriend.
“I’m gonna lube up my arm,” Hyde says, brandishing a bottle of lotion triumphantly. “This fucking hurts and I don’t want to get stuck back there, because if we have to call the fire department you fuckers will never let me live it down.”
“I’m glad you thought of that after shoving your arm back there three times; I think attempt number four is the appropriate time to break out the lube,” Licht says thoughtfully. He must sense the glare Hyde is giving him, because he snorts. “I’m being supportive, I agreed with you!”
“Why do I date you?” Hyde sighs, popping the top off the lotion bottle. He squeezes a liberal amount into his hand and begins to rub it all up and down his arm.
“Because I’m fucking delightful, that’s why.”
“Licht-kun, I really admire your self confidence,” Lily says from the floor, where he’s moved to sit back on his heels. Licht gives him a small grin, which morphs into a look of distaste as he takes a tentative sniff.
“This whole fucking room smells like mango and papaya, how much fucking lotion did you use?” Licht gags, cupping his hands over his nose. “Oh my god, we’re gonna have to open a window. My senses are far too delicate for this shit.”
“Licht, I love you, truly I do--but shut the fuck up right now.” Hyde says, snapping the bottle of lotion shut. “Fourth time's the charm, let’s do this shit.” Gritting his teeth, he once more shoves his arm down the gap. “Go on Lily, press down on it.”
“Got it!” His younger brother says, wiggling back under the AC. “Okay, I got it Hyde.”
“Yep, I see it,” the other says, bracing his free hand on the unit. “Come here you motherfucker, accept your fate,” he snarls at his phone.
“Go Hyde go,” Licht cheers emotionlessly. “If you can’t do it...well--”
“GOT IT!” Hyde yells, cutting off whatever it was Licht had been going to say. Eagerly, he pulls his arm back, phone held tightly in his grasp. “Oh god, please don’t be broken.”
“Is it broken?” Kuro ask instantly. “Because, no lie, I’m going to laugh if it is. I’ll console you later, but I am going to laugh first.”
“It’s not broken!” Hyde crows triumphantly, leaping back onto his bed. “Dusty as hell, but the screen isn’t cracked.”
“Congratulations, now can you get off me?” Licht says, only his voice is muffled because his boyfriend is half sitting on him.
“Sorry, Angel-chan,” Hyde says, rolling off of Licht. He brushes his phone against his pants, leaving streaks of dust on the black material. “Oh my god, that was an experience.”
“An experience I’d like not to have to repeat, if you don’t mind,” Licht says. “What have we learned about placing stuff on top of the air conditioner?”
“That we don’t fucking do it,” Hyde says, tossing his phone down by the edge of his bed. “Jesus, Lily and I deserve a degree in engineering for that alone, don’t you think?”
Lily doesn’t take in the question at all, too busy staring in wide-eyed horror at his sibling. “Hyde, your arm!”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ve got enough lotion on it that I’ll never have to moisturize again,” the other says, waving a hand dismissively. “I’ll go wash it off in-”
“No, look at your arm!” Lily says, springing to his feet. There’s enough panic in his voice to make Hyde instantly obey.
The upper part of his arm, right below his armpit, is slowly turning an ugly, swollen purple. “Oh shit,” he breathes out, twisting his arm to get a better look.
“What?” Licht asks sharply as Kuro presses a hand to his mouth, torn between amusement and concern. “What’s wrong?”
“He’s got a big ass bruise on his arm is what’s wrong,” Kuro says around his fingers.
“I kept telling you guys that it hurt to stick my arm back there!”
“How big are we talking?” Licht asks.
“‘Bout the size of an apple?” Hyde tilts his head in consideration. “Yeah, that’s about right.”
“Jesus Christ, you idiot,” Licht says, equal parts exasperated, concerned, and relieved that it’s nothing more serious. “Who ever let you be an adult?”
“The passing of time,” Hyde answers, poking at the bruise on his arm. He winces. “Okay, bad idea, don’t touch the bruise.”
“Jesus Christ,” Licht repeats, reaching out for Hyde. His hand grope blindly for a moment before they settle on the other’s shoulders, and he tugs Hyde forward to bury his face into the crook of his neck. “It’s a miracle you’re still alive.”
Lily stands up from the floor, shaking his head. “I’m going to run back to our room and get you an ice pack,” he says, and his tone makes it clear that he’s in full blown Mom Mode and won’t take no for an answer. “Licht, you’re in charge of making sure nothing stupid happens while I’m gone.”
“Why does he get to be in charge, I’m older,” Kuro complains, letting his hand fall away from his mouth. Lily gives him a look.
“I’m sorry, did you want to be in charge?” He asks bluntly. Kuro blinks.
“...point taken, Licht’s in charge,” he concedes, settling back down against the pianist’s mattress.
“That’s what I thought,” Lily says, and then he’s out the door and heading down the hall.
“Our baby brother is gonna outlive both of us,” Hyde says, and Kuro hums in agreement. He wraps his arms more securely around Licht, mindful of his battle wound. “My arm really fucking hurts, you know.”
“I’d kiss it better, but you smell like a giant ball of mango and papaya lotion and that’s not okay.” Licht mumbles into his neck. Hyde swats him on the head affectionately.
“You’re not allowed to be moral support ever again,” he says fondly, before prodding Licht in the side gently. “Get up.”
“And where are you going? Lily put me in charge, I should at least pretend to be responsible.”
“I’m going to go scrub all this lotion off my arm, and then I’m going to write a letter to the company of the lotion informing them that their product makes a fantastic lubricant and thanking them for its service.” Hyde says, heading off toward the bathroom.
Kuro and Licht’s laughter follow him out the door.