Chapter Text
Some visions the Host wishes he could forget.
He gasps for air, his vision filling with color, shapes taking form from total blackness. He looks around, the red and brown scenery surrounding him a bit distorted and glitchy. He was having a vision. With his curse, he could see things yet to come, things he could change if he wanted to.
But he knew this vision was different.
He knew the familiar feeling. The intense pull on his soul to somewhere so far away, the unyielding dizziness in his head, the way sounds around him echoed with reverb, or were distorted.
He was viewing the past.
It happened sometimes, against his control. Sometimes he would get pulled into the past of people around him, or of whatever place he was in. It wasn’t pleasant. It hurt…
He grips his aching head, struggling to stay on his feet as he wavers. He looks up, his missing eyes once again able to see. He was in a small space, the metal walls brown and rusted, covered in pipes and wires. The ceiling was low, and the air was hot and stuffy, humid and hard to breathe. He saw a wall of dials before him, with a glowing green rectangular light in the middle of it. He hears a ghostly echoed, but familiar voice, and he turns his head slowly, facing behind him.
He sees…Simon, standing near a control console at the front of the small room, his eyes darting around in fear. Host couldn’t speak, his mouth dry as his heart beat loudly in his chest.
He was in Simon’s past…
He still had both arms, his clothes blood-free. Simon looks up…and the Host yelps as the entire room shakes violently, the Host falling to the ground, groaning as his head hits a metal pipe. He looks ahead in a daze, his heart dropping as the room shakes again, worse now. He watches Simon get flung to the side, breaking the metal chair in front of the console with his body before he hits the ground roughly, groaning in pain.
“S-Simon…” Host manages to say, reaching for him…
Only to squeeze his eyes shut as the world around him distorts and glitches, his ears ringing. Host now sees Simon moving back and forth between a map on the wall, scribbling marks on it in black, and the sheer surface next to the dials. Host watches Simon press the green button…and the wall lights up.
And Host gasps, staggering back as he’s now face to face with an image of some…monster. The pale face is skeletal and haunting, dozens of razor sharp teeth lining its giant mouth. Its eyes were black and hollow, single white lights in the center of them staring right at the screen. Host could swear the thing was almost...human in nature. He sees Simon freeze and go pale, dropping his marker in terror.
Everything distorts again, and Host stumbles in fright when he feels something wet and warm sloshing at his feet. He looks down, and sees at least an inch of liquid blood lapping at his legs. He looks up slowly, his mind screaming at him, and he sees horrid living black and red growths now lining the ship’s interior, veins running around the pipes, bloody masses forming all around the ship. His body felt cold and numb. The ship looked alive.
He looks around frantically, but doesn’t see Simon anywhere. Then there’s a loud gasp, and Host staggers back towards the console in terror, and he sees a figure push itself up from a blood-filled hole in the floor, drenched in the horrid red liquid entirely.
Simon.
He slams some large box on the ground, before pulling himself from the hole, his entire body covered in blood, weighing him and his clothes down, his hair plastered to his face. Host couldn’t even make out his features at this point. With another glitchy distortion, Host blinks, Simon no longer in front of him.
There was loud banging outside the ship, and the sound of the engines screaming below. There was constant rapid beeping as well, echoing around the small space. Host turns around, gasping and backing up when he sees Simon suspended in the air, each hand attached to a pipe on either side of the ship, held in place by the veins. His legs were kicking frantically in panic, trying to get a foothold on the chair. Simon screams, and manages to yank one of his hands free…
But Host feels sick to his stomach, his blood ice cold as Simon tries to pull his other one free. Host backs away more, his back against the wall, but he can’t escape the horrid crunching and tearing sound coming from Simon’s arm, mixed with his agonized screams of pain…
And then there’s a snap, and Simon falls to the wet ground with a splash, almost sinking into the rising blood entirely. Host sees him look down slowly at his now missing arm in terrified horror, and Host looks up, his stomach churning when he sees Simon’s left arm still hanging from the pipe, the black veins quickly wrapping around it.
“S-...Simon…” Host mumbles, his mind completely blank. All he felt was shock and terror. He was paralyzed. He couldn’t move or feel anything.
The world around him distorts again, and Host gasps and coughs, the ground beneath him gone. He was kicking freely and swimming, the blood now rising up higher and higher, almost touching the ceiling. He thrashes, gasping for what little air he could get as the hot blood swallows him, only his head above the horrid liquid. His skin burned. He sees Simon struggling the same way nearby, thrashing and gasping as he presses his head against the ceiling, desperation in his broken eyes. Host eventually loses sight of him, the blood finally pulling him under.
He thrashes more, no longer able to breathe. All he sees is red, and he begins gagging and choking, the blood entering his mouth. He breathes it in against his will, his vision starting to go dark, his thoughts screaming at him in a mad panic. He sees one last flash of a blinding white light fill his vision…
~
And he coughs, staggering back, gripping his throat tightly. He wheezes, and falls to the ground, turning over. He coughs up blood, hacking as he struggles to clear his airway. His sight was gone again, but he could feel blood pouring from his eye sockets as well, his bandages well past useless. He leans down on shaking arms, his body cold and numb as he coughs. He spits out the last of the blood he could manage, and, his trembling arms giving way, he falls to his side, just gasping for air as he loses feeling. The blood from his eyes runs down his face, pooling below his head.
He doesn’t care.
All he can focus on is breathing, the feeling of drowning still fresh in his mind and his lungs. His chest burns.
A steady knock on his door breaks through his frenzied thoughts.
“H-Host? It’s Simon, you here? I need help with s-oh my FUCKING GOD!!!”
And rapid, albeit irregular footsteps approach, Host not moving from his position on the ground. He hears the sound of Simon’s crutches being tossed aside, and he feels his strong hand grab his shoulder.
“O-oh my fucking god, H-Host?! What happened?!" Simon yells, looking over his friend.
He was lying on his side, blood pooled beneath him. He was gasping for air, and his face was nearly solid red with blood running from his eyes.
“HOST?!” Simon yells in terror, his heart dropped cold in his chest.
Host coughs wetly again, and gives a small groan. “Th’Host…is fine…” He wheezes, Simon sputtering in shock.
“N-NO YOU ARE FUCKING NOT!!!” Simon yells, looking around. He doesn’t have a way to call Iplier yet. Hissing and cursing in frustration, Simon shakes off the jacket he had on, and grabs Host, helping him sit up a bit against his lap. He uses the jacket to wipe away some of the excess blood, before carefully grabbing the Host’s drenched bandages. “I-I’m gonna help stop the bleeding, hold on…” He mumbles, wincing as he pulls away the sticky and wet bandages.
Simon’s face pales when he sees…the Host didn’t have eyes…at all. They were missing, his eye sockets empty and almost black, blood seeping from them endlessly. Shaking away his shock, he places the jacket gently over Host’s eyes, replacing the bandage.
“Are you hurt anywhere else?” Simon asks, looking Host over. He didn’t see any other injuries.
Host shakes his head slightly, coughing again. He lifts a shaky hand up, and points to the desk.
“Need…th’medicine…” He slurs, Simon blinking. He nods, and gently lays Host down, before limping to the desk. He yanks open the middle drawer, and sees some epi-pen looking thing.
“This it?” He asks, though he wants to slap himself for his stupidity.
Host couldn’t fucking see.
“The uh…silver injection thing?” He asks again, and Host nods.
“In t’h Host’s arm…” He slurs, and Simon nods, limping back. He kneels back down, pulling Host back into his lap. He pulls Host’s jacket down, and pulls the cap off the needle, before jabbing it into Host’s arm.
“What is this stuff?” He asks, hoping to keep Host awake and talking. Host adjusts his head slightly.
“Host’s blood doesn’…clot well…” He says softly, his body not moving at all. “Need…th’t after bad visions…Iplier m’de it…helps…stop bleed’n…”
“How long till it kicks in?” Simon asks, adjusting the jacket over Host’s eyes.
“Few min'…”
“Ok…is it just your eyes that are bleeding?” Simon asks, and Host nods again.
“B’d vision…didn’t m’n to…”
“Didn’t what?”
“Didn’...mean t’ see…m’ sorry…” Host cries weakly, turning his head away.
“I have no idea what you mean…” Simon says flatly, Host groaning.
“Host saw Simon…his past…” Host hisses, Simon’s eyes widening. “Th’ ship…m’nster…blood risin’...drownin’...” Host coughs again, some blood dripping down his mouth. “H-he didn’ mean to…didn’ h’ve control…”
“Hey, hey, I don’t care, I don’t care! It wasn’t your fault! It’s fine!” Simon yells, the Host letting out a frustrated groan.
“Is n-not fine! Host….s-saw what he shouldn’t! Saw…Simon’s past…without permission…Host ‘s sorry…”
“Host, kindly shut the fuck up…” Simon hisses, adjusting the jacket again. The blood was slowing finally. “You said you had this curse, it isn’t your fault! If anything, I’m glad it was you who saw it…I trust you, at least.” Simon says softly, Host glancing up to look his way.
“Y’ do…?”
“Yeah…I do…so stop feeling guilty about something you have no control over, alright?” He says, helping Host sit up a bit higher. “We gotta get your bleeding under control here…”
“Th’ Host…is glad…Simon does not hate him…” Host mumbles, wavering a bit as he sits up, his head light. Simon holds him steady with his good arm.
“Host, I’m worried about you! Does this happen every time you have a vision?”
“No…just bad ones…” Host says, his voice a bit clearer as his head begins to steady. “He bleeds every time…b-but only bad ones make this happen…”
“Guess that’s good at least…” Simon mumbles, grimacing as he pulls the jacket away, the thing drenched in red. “I’m uh…out of jacket…”
“Host…has bandages…” He says, taking a few calming breaths. “Probably should…clean up first…”
“Yeah, you look like me when I first arrived.” Simon says lightly, feeling better when he sees the Host give a small smile and a weak laugh.
“Host…feels like it…”
“Come on, let’s get you to the bathroom, alright?” Simon says, Host nodding.
Simon sits Host against the desk, and he stands himself, using the desk to keep himself steady with his bad leg. Host takes another breath, and pulls himself up as well, still wavering.
“T-th’ Host lost a lot of blood…” He mumbles, Simon staring at the crime scene on the floor under the Host.
“Yeah, I uh…I think you did…come on…” He says, walking with his crutches to the bathroom, Host staggering behind.
Once in, Simon just keeps watch as Host washes his face in the sink, the red washing away down the drain.
“The Host…is h-happy Simon was here…” He says, turning off the water, holding his head over the sink. “He did not…anticipate this today…”
“Call it good luck or something…I’m just glad you didn’t bleed out.” Simon says with a huff, seeing the now red-stained sink. Host nods, and grabs a towel nearby, hiding his face in it.
“It…is rare one this bad happens…” He says, his voice muffled inside the towel. “He supposes…Simon’s past was so intense…it had an extra strong effect on the Host’s vision…”
“You shouldn’t have had to experience that…” Simon grumbles, looking away. “What did you see?”
“You…falling in the ship, getting hurt…” Host says, pulling the towel down. His face looked much better clean, though he was still pale. “A monster in the camera…rising blood…you almost drowning…” He says softly, his voice trailing off. He didn’t want to think about the arm. Simon sighs, shaking his head.
“Yeah…I wish you hadn’t seen that shit…you don’t deserve it.” He says, leaning his head against the wall.
“And Simon does?”
“Well, whether I do or not is beside the point…you shouldn’t have had to suffer my life.” Simon says sharply, looking the Host’s way. “It was my punishment, not yours…”
“The Host tells Simon fate works in ways we do not always understand…but what has happened has happened, he has seen a glimpse of what Simon endured…he understands Simon’s fears better…”
“You’d do better to forget what you saw, honestly…” Simon mumbles, looking down. “It’ll make your life easier.”
The Host hesitates, then shakes his head. “The Host does not…want to forget.”
“And why is that? You saw what seeing my past did to you…”
“The Host can now help Simon heal from it better, if Simon wishes…” Host says warmly, wrapping a clean white bandage around his eyes. “The Host does not mind…it was not his suffering after all, he was only an observer…he feels horrible for Simon, who did experience it…those horrible things…”
“Yeah, they were pretty horrible, huh…” Simon mumbles with a small smile, happy to see Host looking much better at last.
“The monster was…especially concerning…”
“Yeah…that, uh…yeah…” Simon says, looking away. He couldn’t shake the memory of the monster’s voices in his head, its haunting eyes, or how he eventually figured out…what the thing was.
And how…it could have been what he’d become…
Host tilts his head, hearing Simon go quiet.
“The Host has a feeling we should change the subject…”
“Yeah, uh…sorry, I-...” Simon mumbles, rubbing his face with his hand as he tries to clear his thoughts. “You should go sit down…come on.” He says, grabbing his crutches again. The two make their way back to the main room, both sitting on the couch. Simon just stared jadedly at the massive blood puddle on the floor. “Guess we gotta clean that.” He says with a small snicker. Host smiles.
“This is why Host does not have carpet in his room.”
“Wise choice.”
“The Host…tells Simon that if he ever wishes to…talk about what he endured…the Host is here to listen…” He says warmly, Simon looking his way.
“You…really mean that?”
“Of course! What Simon went through, it was-...” Host sees Simon hanging in the sub in the back of his mind, screaming as the veins wrapped around his arms. “It was not ok…”
“Tell me about it…”
“The Host is here for him…”
“Well, if you insist on that…” Simon says, giving Host a small smile. “I’ll be here to listen to…whatever you have going on.” He says, waving his arm towards his friend, Host laughing.
“The Host has a lot of things…he appreciates Simon’s offer. The Host accepts.”
“You feeling better?”
“Yes, just dizzy now…the Host will be alright. He hopes his eyes did not scare Simon." Host says softly, glancing Simon's way.
"I mean, seeing someone with no eyes and blood pouring down their face isn't exactly a happy sight, but I'm not afraid of you if that's what you're asking." He says lightly, Host smiling in relief. "So…what uh, causes your powers, anyway…?” Simon asks, Host shifting in his seat.
“The Host has always had…abilities, even in his distant past…but when he faced his actions’ consequences…” He says quietly, his voice choking up a bit. “His powers changed…instead of controlling others, he now is the one receiving instructions…he cannot see otherwise.” He says, folding his hands in his lap, his head lowered. “But…he still has abilities he would…rather not use anymore. Amid these, he sees things yet to come, as well as the past…this is the Host’s curse. It was…his fault entirely.” He says, glancing Simon’s way. “The Host did many things he regrets…this curse is his self inflicted punishment. He must endure it.”
“That-...fuck…” Simon mumbles, Host giving a small laugh.
“The Host tells Simon not to worry about him. The Host is fine, he promises. Yes, his curse hurts him sometimes, but…he is happier now than he has ever been. He wishes he had found himself sooner, but…the Host is here now. That is what matters most to him.”
“Even after all that pain and regret…you’re truly happy?” Simon asks, his voice small. Host nods, his smile warm.
“The Host is indeed happy. And he knows Simon can be happy too, despite his past.”
Simon looks his way, his eyes wide. He feels them burn a bit, and he laughs, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, hoping Host didn’t notice.
“I’ll trust your judgement.”
“The Host is glad. He wants Simon happy.”
“Anything I can do for you now, though?” Simon says, seeing Host still looking a bit pale and worn thin. “You look exhausted.”
“The Host will rest, though some food first would not hurt.”
“Think you can remind me where the kitchen is?” Simon says with a smile, standing with his crutches. “This place is massive.” Host smiles back, and nods.
“The Host would be delighted.” He says lightly, standing as well. He wavers a bit, but is able to stand and walk, the two making their way out the door together.
Host glances to his side, hearing Simon walk quietly beside him. The Host can’t unsee the sight of Simon struggling in the blood, covered in it, drowning in it…him being tossed around inside the sub, and-...and losing his arm that way…
Host cringes at the memory. Simon didn’t deserve any of that. He was a good person…
He sees Simon is composed now, but…he can tell he’s bothered and haunted. How could he not be? After all of that…he just hopes that Simon doesn’t break under the weight of his memories eventually…
Host only got a tiny glimpse of what his new friend went through…what else had Simon endured…?