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Cassie stared at the ceiling, careful not to shift too much lest she wake the woman nestled comfortably in her arms. Another bad night. Not a surprise, not fun either. It was almost four in the morning (last she'd checked) and she'd managed about an hour of sleep. She didn't want to admit it, but she was beginning to feel less than amazing. The dull ache in her stomach had turned into roiling nausea and her head was pounding, bad enough that she'd considered getting up to take something. But Dana was sleeping so peacefully, her first night uninterrupted by nightmares since the two had started…whatever this was.
Cassie's stomach turned suddenly and an overwhelming sense of urgency flooded her.
She slipped carefully out of bed, murmuring a soft apology to Dana as she went, and stumbled toward the bathroom. She collapsed in front of the toilet, tears filling her eyes as she expelled the contents of her stomach into the bowl. The acid burned the back of her throat and the effort of the heaving sent more pain stabbing through her skull.
Fuck.
She sat back against the vanity, wedging herself between it and the toilet. It wasn't comfortable but she needed support and didn't feel safe moving too far from the toilet just yet.
Anxiety built in her chest as Cassie's considered the implications of the last few minutes. There was a minuscule chance that she hadn't woken Dana in her mad dash to the bathroom, but it was incredibly unlikely. If she was awake Cassie was sure that it wouldn't be long before she was found, the idea of which left a bad taste in her mouth. Or maybe that was the bile. Either way, it was embarrassing.
Cassie didn't let herself be seen like this, not in front of anyone not even Dana. Sure she trusted the charge nurse, but still. They weren't…solid enough for that yet. Emotional fallout's over long shifts or job related nightmares were one thing, those were expected. Illness was unpredictable, uncharted territory. At least in regards to their relationship.
Another wave of nausea crashed over Cassie and she hurried to position herself back over the toilet, managing to grab a fistful of hair and pull it out of her face before it could get in the way. Her stomach cramped painfully as she retched, bringing up only bile. Tears that she certainly wasn't prepared for filled her eyes as she vomited, gasping between retches. When she finally sat back again the tears were rolling freely down her cheeks and her chest heaved in an effort to draw in the air that she had missed. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping that maybe if she pretended hard enough it would all turn out to be a bad dream.
"Cassie?" The voice was sleepy and a bit confused, but still overflowing with concern and warmth.
Fuck fuck fuck.
Cassie didn't want to open her eyes.
"It's nothin babe, go back to bed," she croaked, alarmed by how awful she sounded. How sick was she? Sure she'd felt a little achy, maybe a little slower than usual, but she'd chalked it up to exhaustion. Obviously not. A shiver wracked through her body, calling attention to what she was beginning to recognize was a fever. She really had no business calling herself a doctor if she couldn't even point out her own symptoms.
"Bullshit. You throw up or still waiting?"
Cassie cracked her eyes open just enough so that she could see and found Dana leaning in the doorway, arms crossed over her chest. Her soft blonde hair hung down, framing her face in the way that Cassie found so beautiful. She opened her mouth to comment on the beauty, but her stomach rolled again cutting her off.
This time when she leaned over the toilet a different set of hands took her hair, threading it into a loose ponytail. Dana crouched beside her and placed a firm palm in between her shoulder blades, offering steady support through it. A little sob fell from Cassie's lips and the humiliation burned more intense, god she was a professional crying in front of her colleague (girlfriend?) over a stomach ache.
How fucking embarrassing.
"I've gotcha. Just breathe, I'm here."
The reassurances just made her feel worse. Dana was so kind, she cared so deeply, here she was barely half awake and comforting her through something that shouldn't need comfort. She was better than this.
"m'sorry D, I'm okay. I'll go just give me a minute." Cassie forced out, shrugging the hand off of her. She wanted the contact, but didn't want Dana to feel responsible for her. It wasn't fair, she already worked so hard. Cassie leaned back against the vanity, breathing hard and fast.
"What? McKay who the hell do you think I am? You're not goin anywhere. You're sick hon, it happens," Dana sounded baffled, completely taken aback by the suggestion that Cassie might want to leave. She didn't of course, she felt more at home in Dana's brownstone than she ever had in her poorly decorated apartment. The only thing waiting for her there was a messy living room and reminders that her son wouldn't be back with her for six more days.
"It's not your job to take care of me," Cassie said stubbornly, earning an eye-roll from Dana. The charge nurse leaned over and brushed the bangs out of Cassie's eyes. She paused, laying the back of her hand against the residents sweaty forehead. She whistled softly and flipped her hand over, alarmed by the heat radiating from her skin.
"Course not. I'm choosing to take care of you because I care about you. You're really fucking hot Cass."
Cassie's lip quirked at the implication, but she was too tired to come up with a good quip. She let her eyes slip closed again, resisting the urge to whine when Dana's soft hand left her face.
She could hear Dana shuffling around the bathroom, muttering about idiot doctors under her breath.
"Open your mouth hon," she obeyed silently and attempted to take the thermometer from Dana. "Ah, let me do it."
She rolled her eyes but allowed Dana to take her temperature without fighting. The blonde brushed sweaty bangs off of Cassie's forehead, humming quietly as they waited for the results.
"102.2, that's higher than I'd like," Dana mused when the device beeped. Cassie shrugged, she'd begun to expect that it would be that bad. Dana pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head and stood again to grab something off of the counter.
"Think you can handle some Tylenol?" She asked, drawing up a syringe of the liquid stuff. She'd bought it after Cassie mentioned not liking pills. It was an incredibly touching action, one of the first times that Cassie considered they might be doing more than just having casual sex.
She took it hesitantly, unsure that it would stay down. She hovered near the toilet, waiting impatiently to see if her body was going to tolerate it. Dana sat next to her, one hand tracing patterns on her back. They stayed like that for ten minutes neither speaking.
"I think you're clear hon. Why don't we go back to bed?" Dana murmured, giving Cassie's shoulder a soft pat.
It was a tempting offer but Cassie found herself not wanting to accept. She felt too awake, too on edge to climb back into bed. Dana took her hands and squeezed gently.
"Couch instead? We can watch some TV until you're ready for bed."
That felt doable. Cassie nodded and allowed herself to be pulled off of the floor. Dana wrapped an arm around her waist for support and guided her to the living room, depositing her on the couch with ease. The next few minutes were a feverish blur. Dana worked quickly with practiced ease. She gathered blankets, a bottle of ginger ale, and a basin that she must have stolen from the hospital before sitting on the couch beside Cassie.
"Lay down love."
She obeyed silently, her weary body all but collapsing into Dana's warm embrace. She nestled her head in the older woman's lap, exhaustion winning out over shame. At least temporarily. Dana threaded her fingers through Cassie's hair and flipped on the TV, landing on an old comedy.
Cassie was not sure what to think. Her head in Dana's lap was nice, but she couldn't help the tension in her shoulders that left her rigid. She was trying her hardest to calm down but everything in her nature was telling her that she should be doing something different.
The TV droned on softly, just enough noise that their silence didn't feel stifling. Cassie wasn't sure what time it was but she could knew that Dana was scheduled for 7. She would have to start getting ready for work soon. Cassie imagined she wouldn't be welcome to stay, Dana would probably drop her off at her apartment on the way to the Pitt.
"I can hear you thinking. Close your eyes Cass, I agreed to the couch so that you would sleep," Dana teased. Her voice was warm and calm, a stark contrast to Cassie's swirling inner turmoil.
"Don't you have to go in soon?" Cassie asked timidly. She wasn't sure what was happening anymore. It had been so long since anyone had cared about how she was feeling, this was completely uncharted territory.
"Personal day."
Cassie shot up, almost knocking Dana in the head with how quickly she moved. Dizziness slammed into her as protests formed on her lips. Dana couldn't take a day off because of her, that was incredibly unfair. She couldn't ask anyone to do that.
"Jesus Christ McKay, stop doing that shit you're gonna give me a heart attack. You're sick, Lena owes me a favor. It's not a big deal, lay back down," Dana chided, taking Cassie's shoulders in a firm grip.
"It's okay love. Just let me take care of you."
Cassie's head swam and she felt tears welling up in her eyes again. She was so tired.
"I've gotcha Cassie. You're good. Everythin's okay, lay back down," Dana leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Cassie's forehead.
"Sorry. I'm not good at this." Cassie croaked, lowering herself back down into Dana's lap. The nurse chuckled softly and returned her hand to Cassie's hair without hesitation.
"We'll work on it."