Archive of Our Own

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The music was loud. Too loud. The room was sticky and humid, and there were people getting shoved into him left and right. The buzz of party songs echoed against the walls mixed in with the sound of teenagers singing and shouting at their friends. Couples were sneaking off into corners to go hook up, while some hadn’t even bothered to find a more private area.

Mike knew he shouldn’t have gone. What else did he expect? It was their class's graduation party, after all. Of course people were going to be drinking like there was no tomorrow and forgetting about real life, just for one day. That was what he should be doing, too.

But parties were not his scene. So why was he even here in the first place? Well— the rest of his friends voted to go. El, Max, Lucas, Dustin, even Will, because when Stacey Albright invites them to a party they just can’t say no. Everyone else was looking to have fun and live their life, so Mike had no choice other than to be dragged along.

He was trying to have fun, he was just… failing. Miserably. He was leaned up against the makeshift bar, taking up the least amount of space possible. There was not a drop of alcohol in his system, and he wished he could say it was because he was being responsible, but that was a lie. It wasn’t like he hadn’t drank before, he just wasn’t in the mood today.

He was feeling pissy, and drinking wasn’t going to fix that. He was notorious for getting even more short-tempered whenever he drank. He didn’t want to dampen the mood today, not when everyone else wanted to celebrate.

Max and Lucas had snuck off somewhere almost an hour ago, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out where they were and what they were doing. El and Dustin were on the dance floor, jumping around and singing at the top of their lungs.

El had been much happier since her and Mike broke up a couple years ago, he thought. She was off doing her own thing and learning how to be her own person, and that was something she needed. Now, she finally seemed to have found herself and who she wants to be, and he was glad that their friends were a part of that life too.

Her and Dustin had this weird little thing going on; nobody in the party could exactly place it, not even Max— who was usually good at these types of things. They were floating somewhere between the lines of Steve and Robin territory and something more. But with the two of them, that was just their personality. Whatever they decided to do would be right for them.

Will was off sitting further down the bar, downing a cup of what seemed to be vodka cranberry. That was an odd choice for a rager-type setting, but it was a very Will thing to do, which wasn’t bad.

Mike was just glad he was enjoying himself and letting loose for once. Will never really drank, or allowed himself to completely forget about his worries for just one day. So, it was good that he was doing that. But that meant that Mike was going to be focused on Will and making sure he was okay for the rest of the night.

There really was no reason to do that, Will could handle himself, and Mike very well knew that. He just felt better if he was looking over him, it made him feel like he had a purpose for being at this party. 

He was supposed to be here for the same reason as the rest of his friends, who all wanted to celebrate. They had finally finished high school and were moving on in life; out of Hawkins and onto greater things. After the absolute shitshow their lives had been since they were twelve, it was finally time to enjoy life worry-free.

And Mike did intend on doing that, but his worries had jumped from inter-dimensional beings to his best friend of over a decade. He couldn’t really give an explanation to why he had suddenly felt so different about Will, he just did. He couldn’t even really explain exactly what that feeling was, it was just there, he himself hadn’t placed his finger on what it was either.

Either way, the feeling was not going away, so Mike had learned to live with it. He was okay with thinking of Will a little differently than he thought of Dustin and Lucas— a little more protective, would maybe be the right word. But that made sense, right? After all, it was Will that was the one to be taken into the Upside Down, and it was Will that was connected to Vecna. So of course Mike was going to be more concerned over Will because of all he had been through. And he was sure that was it, that was the only reason.

Mike continued to watch over Will, who had now moved on from his vodka cranberry to a beer; a more party appropriate choice. In his humble opinion, any drink with vodka in it sucked anyway. 

Mike had been known to get drunk off of just beers, and maybe a shot of tequila, depending on what he had eaten beforehand and how much water he drank. He was definitely a lightweight, and after just a couple beers he would start to slur his words and say things he would never dare say sober (even if they were all true, he was also notoriously bad at expressing his feelings unless drunk or under pressure).

That had also been part of the reason that Mike decided not to drink tonight, the last thing he wanted to do was say weird shit on their graduation day, and taint everyone’s perfect night. So even if that meant sacrificing a little bit of his own fun, he was more than willing to do it, because that was just the type of person he was.

Mike was still staring at Will when he glanced over in his direction, swirling around his beer bottle. Mike snapped his head back forward, forcing his gaze to the ground in front of him.

Stacey’s house was nice; the perfect party house. The whole bottom floor was more or less one room, besides the bathroom and the few separating walls in between the kitchen and living room. It was a huge area with little furniture there, like the room was begging to be made into a dance floor.

It was a very nice house— fancy for sure. However, a little bit of the fancy aspect was taken away from the space due to the condition it was in at the moment. There were red solo cups everywhere, confetti on the ground, sticky residue from alcohol on the walls and the floor, making it hard to appreciate how beautiful the house was.

Mike fixated his eyes on the two pieces of blue and yellow confetti on the ground before him, swimming around in a small puddle of beer. The brownish liquid seeped through the paper of the confetti, almost making it disintegrate. 

He shifted his body weight to one foot and brought his other foot in front of him, into the puddle of beer. What difference would it make? Mike’s go-to black and white converse had already been completely sticky at the bottom just from walking around the floors anyway.

Well, maybe Mike was painting the party to be all bad. It really wasn’t terrible, he enjoyed watching his friends all have fun, dancing and drinking, smiling and laughing. It really did make him happy to see, after all the stuff they had been put through. Genuine joy became this privilege that the six of them rarely ever got to experience throughout their teen years.

So yes, it was fun watching everyone have a good time. Maybe staying at the party for a couple more hours wouldn’t be too bad. In fact, Mike would start to enjoy it, dancing with Dustin and El, or finding someone new to talk to. Just allowing himself to let loose and party.

“Hey,” someone nudged Mike’s arm, leaning up against the counter next to him. He jerked his head over at the touch, and saw Will next to him. “Jumpy today?” He smiled, joking.

Will’s whole face lit up when he smiled. When he truly meant it, at least. The grin hit his eyes and they glimmered, making his hazel eyes appear more green. “Yeah, sorry,” Mike rubbed the back of his neck, “what’s up?”

“Nothing, really,” he paused, hesitating, before opening his mouth again to speak. “Just— I think I’m done for the night.”

“Oh… yeah, okay.” Mike stuttered, looking at the way Will’s cheeks had a tint of pink to them; something that always happened when he drank. “Yeah, I wanted to go home now anyway.” 

That was a lie, actually. Mike had just been starting to enjoy himself here, joining his friends in dancing and singing, maybe having a little bit to drink, even. But all of a sudden, when Will said that he had wanted to go home, he had no interest in staying at the party anymore. It must be the protective part of him kicking in, Mike thought.

“The only problem is,” Will trailed off. Mike cleared his throat, giving him an expression that said ‘what?’. “We should probably give the others a ride too, right? Do you think they will be ready to go home?”

That was true, they had all driven together in Mike’s car, so it would be wrong to leave them here to find their own rides. “I don’t give two fucks if they’re ready to go or not, we are, and I’m their ride, so we’re going.” Mike rolled his eyes, bringing out the more sassy tone in his voice. 

Will was done here, and that was all he cared about. The rest of his friends could be on the floor begging to stay and he wasn’t going to change his mind. If they were really that determined to stay, then Mike and Will would be leaving without them. 

“Uh. Thanks.” Will’s cheeks flushed a brighter pink, the alcohol must really be setting into his system by now. He didn’t seem that drunk though, maybe a little tipsy, but he still had all of his senses.

“Yeah, just— you can wait outside, don’t worry. I’ll get them, okay?” Mike brought out his sweeter voice that he usually used around Will, something that had stuck since they first became friends in kindergarten. He gently placed his hand on the upper part of Will’s back and guided him a few steps towards the door, before spotting Lucas and Max.

He took that opportunity to get them, because they had been nowhere to be found for the last hour and a half, so who knows if they’d disappear again. Lucas was at the keg, filling up two red cups with beer, careful not to overflow them with foam.

Mike went up to Max first, who was leaned up against a wall, staring impatiently at Lucas. The two were friends, Mike loved her, she was part of the party; after all. However, they definitely had some— problems with each other. Their friendship had mainly consisted of bullying each other or making snide, backhanded, remarks. There were some sweet moments, but those were very scarce.

“What do you want, Wheeler?” Max scoffed, as if Mike walking up to her was a sin itself. This was exactly what he meant.

“Can’t I just walk up to you to hang out with you?” He replied sarcastically, matching her tone. He leaned up against Max on the wall, joining her in judging Lucas’ terrible beer-pouring skills.

“I mean, I would really prefer it if you didn’t.” Mike swore he noticed her scoot a little farther away from him, but he couldn’t prove anything.

“We are going home now.” He stated firmly, not leaving it up for discussion. Somehow, Max still seemed to find a way to argue with the statement, because she was stubborn as shit.

“Oh yeah?” She raised an eyebrow. She wasn’t asking because she was agreeing with him, she was saying it in a way to challenge him.

“Yes. Remember, I’m the only one not drunk right now, and I’m the one with the car. So you aren’t really in a position to argue with me right now.” Yes, Max was stubborn, but somehow Mike was just as stubborn, if not even more. It was the one thing they had in common.

“And why do you have the sudden desire to go home?” She questioned, because if she couldn’t argue, she was going to deflect whatever point Mike was trying to make.

“No reason,” he responded, maybe a little too quickly. Max gave him the look, and Mike sighed. “I’m rounding up everybody because Will said he wants to go home.”

“Right,” she smiled—or more like smirked— “if Will tells you to do something, you have to do it.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mike immediately shouted, not sure whether to take offense to that comment or not. He was about to say more, but Lucas started walking up with the two plastic cups of cheap beer that he had finally managed to serve.

“You know exactly what I mean.” She smiled, grabbing her cup from Lucas and taking a sip. “Lucas, Mike is telling us it’s time to go home because Will said it was. He’s being very rude to me.”

“Max!” Mike whined, “that is not exactly what I said!”

“Yeah, I cut the rest of the bullshit you said.” She patted his shoulder, offering an almost creepy smile. If she was trying to be reassuring, it definitely was not working.

“I can’t say I’m surprised.” Lucas replied, eyes flicking between the two of them. Mike let out a scoff and brought his hands in the air for a brief moment to protest. “But Will doesn’t look like he wants to go home.” He shrugged, bringing his cup up to his mouth.

“What do you mean?” Mike asked defensively. This had to be a way to deflect from going home, right? Will was outside, probably wondering what was taking him so long to get everyone else.

“Oh shit, you’re right.” Max laughed, looking over Lucas’ shoulder. Okay, what was going on? Mike felt very out of the loop, because what were they talking about?

“What is Lucas right about?” Mike practically yelled, desperately trying to look over to where the two of them were looking. He still saw nothing. “Please, someone tell me!”

“Dude, look directly in front of you. At the bar.” Lucas instructed him, and Mike did just that.

No fucking way.

Will was seated at the makeshift bar, another beer in hand. Okay, so that definitely wasn’t outside, waiting to go home. But that wasn’t the problem, if he had just changed his mind and wanted to stay at the party, fine. Mike would stay too and it would all be good.

The problem was that it wasn’t the case. Not exactly. The problem was why Will was still there. Sat next to him was another guy. Carlton. The two of them were talking, no— laughing. Will just placed his hand on Carlton’s forearm. Will was flirting with him. And even worse, Carlton was flirting back.

Oh hell no. Mike barely even knew Carlton, but he did know that he was an asshole and deserved to die. Vecna had practically killed half of the town, could he not be included with it? Yes, this was the first real opinion Mike had formed on Carlton, and they had never even had a conversation before, so technically, no, he was not in a place to judge him. But still.

What if Will was just staying there because he wanted to be nice? What if Carlton came up to him and started a conversation, Will was too kind to excuse himself, of course he would stay and talk, no matter what he wanted. Okay, so Mike only had one option. He was going to go up to them and get Will out of this situation he obviously didn’t want to be in.

“Mike?” Lucas shook his shoulder, and only then had Mike realized that his mouth was gaping open, and his eyes were wide. Okay, he was definitely in shock. “Mike— you good?”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry about that.” He finally snapped out of whatever spell he was under, keeping him still and his eyes glued to the bar. “Um… I’m just going to check on Will. You know, say hi to Carlton too. Yeah, I want to talk to them.”

Mike was a terrible liar under pressure. He could never say anything that made sense, and maybe that worked with his parents when he was little, but not in a million years would that ever work on his friends.

“Right,” Max replied in her usual annoyed tone, “you don’t even know his last name.”

Okay, she got him there. “And? Tons of people don’t know their friend’s last names.” Mike’s argument was getting weaker with every word he spoke, he had to get out of here.

What he really had to do was go home and scream into his pillow, letting out all of the frustration he had bottled up in the past five minutes. He was frustrated that he was at this stupid party in the first place, he was frustrated that he and Will had barely spoken the whole night, he was frustrated that Will was now talking to that bitch Carlton, and most of all he was frustrated because he couldn’t figure out where all this anger was coming from.

It was stupid, really. Will could defend himself, he could stop the conversation whenever he wanted to, nobody was forcing him to be there, and he would probably never even see Carlton again, so who cares if he left things off on a bad note?

Yet even with all of this in mind, Mike still found himself walking over to the bar, ignoring Lucas and Max shouting questions or protests at him. Right now, Mike’s biggest concern was to get to Will.

The party was even more crowded than earlier, with drunk teenagers stumbling in from one party to the next. Even with that many people around him, Mike managed to find a path to get to Will, and if anybody was in that path, he would push them out of the way.

He had a mission, and that was to save Will from the situation he was in. Because obviously, he wanted to be saved. He didn’t want to talk to Carlton, he was just being nice. 

After what seemed like forever, Mike finally pushed through one last person before he was standing right next to Will. It was only then that he realized he had absolutely no idea of what he was going to say. How would he state this in a way that didn’t seem snobby, or like he was trying to get Will out of there? That was exactly what he was doing, but Carlton (or Will for that matter) did not need to know that.

He took a deep breath and cleared his throat, announcing his presence. “Will.” He stated, watching both of their heads turn to face him. Shit. Okay, so he still didn’t know how he was going to word this. “Uh— everyone is being difficult and doesn’t want to go home. Can you help me get them?”

That was actually a pretty good cover up, Mike was proud of himself for that one. Hopefully neither of them could see his face right now, though, because it was sweaty and his eyes had just a hint of guilt for lying to Will. Not Carlton, obviously. That little shit could choke on his beer and Mike would be smiling through it. He just didn’t want to lie to Will. Though technically, the group had been protesting against going home, so it wasn’t a full lie.

“You know what, Mike?” Will said in a thoughtful tone, “I think I’m okay with staying for a little longer. I mean, if that’s okay with you of course.” He suggested.

Mike actually felt his heart drop a little. Why did Will all of a sudden want to stay at the party? Was it because Carlton was there? He was fine with staying longer, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was why. How come this random dude they had maybe acknowledged once at school is able to get Will to want to stay, but Mike couldn’t?

He let out a sigh, and chalked up his feelings to the fact that Will was his best friend, and he didn’t like that feeling being taken away from him. Maybe Mike could sit with them? He could at least try, Will wouldn’t say no. “Um, sure. Yeah, that’s okay. We can stay longer, I’ll pull up a chair.” Mike started dragging a chair a few feet away over to them.

“Mike—” Will raised his voice, but then replaced it with a sweet tone, and matching eyes. “Why don’t you go find Dustin and El, I’m sure they would love to dance with you. Or Max and Lucas.”

“Oh.” Mike muttered. “Right… yeah. I—I’ll go find someone.” Mike had to fight back the tears starting to form in his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was cry in front of Will, and Carlton too, actually.

So, Will did ditch him for this random guy. He didn’t want to sit with Mike, because he wanted to sit with Carlton. This was so stupid. And worst of all, he was legitimately hurt by this, he was on the brink of tears by this. It wasn’t like Max and Lucas never shunned him when they were alone, and that was completely fine. Dustin and El had done the same thing too, he never even batted an eye at that.

Best friend, Mike remembered. Will was his best friend, everyone else was too, but he was closest with Will. They were never really separated, besides when he moved to California, but before then and since then, they were always attached at the hip. So of course it hurt when Will pushed him away, this was one of the first times he had ever done that.

“Mike, I’m sorry—” Will immediately realized the damage he did with his words, and tried to fix things. He reached for Mike’s arm, but he pulled it away. Mike didn’t want that fake empathy from Will, he had made his point clear. “I didn’t mean…”

“It’s fine. I get it, Will. Have fun.” He mumbled, turning over his shoulder and walking away. He heard Will let out a sigh, and Carlton’s voice talking to him, probably telling him some bullshit nonsense.

Mike blinked a few tears away from his eyes. It wasn’t even like it was that bad of an interaction, it was the fact that it was with Will. Mike knew that things would be a little different ever since Will came out, he gained this new sense of confidence and actually started talking to guys. But this was different. No matter what, Will always put Mike first. Not this time, though. This time the guy took priority.

He had to forget about this whole thing. It was stupid, being so worked up over it. All Will wanted to do was talk to this guy he liked, and Mike was stupid enough to try and butt in and even third wheel. God, he was being ridiculous. How did Will not burst into laughter right then and there? Mike was being so embarrassing.

But that brought in the question, why did Mike even want to third wheel in the first place? He had helped set up his friends on numerous occasions, so why is it that the second Will finds someone, he gets this terrible feeling in his stomach? Why is he so bothered by it? Why does he even care?

It’s not like Will and Carlton are getting married; they are talking at their high school graduation party, it’s not even a date. To be honest, they could just be talking and catching up. Sure, Will touched Carlton’s arm earlier and that was typically something a person did when flirting, but he did that all the time with Mike too.

Suddenly, he started to feel a warm buzz in his lower arm. He immediately cupped his opposite hand around it and rubbed where the sensation was, to get rid of it. He needed to pull it together, what was going on?

But Mike was still stuck on the fact that Will touched his arm exactly how he touched Carlton’s. If that was a flirtatious move between them, then maybe Will was flirting with Mike as well? No. God no, he needs to stop. Best friend, remember? Will is his best friend.

Mike must’ve zoned out because he was brought back to reality when he rammed into something and almost tripped. He looked down to see the keg at his feet, with a pile of red cups next to it. Maybe one drink wouldn’t hurt.

He contemplated it for about one second—any rational part of his brain momentarily shutting off—before he reached for a cup and filled it up with beer. He didn’t stop until it reached the brim, taking a sip to avoid it overflowing.

He wiped the small bit of foam that had pooled right above his upper lip, and started walking over to Max and Lucas. They were still in the same spot as Mike had left them, but then again, he was only gone for around five minutes.

“Holy shit Wheeler,” Max let out something between and scoff and a laugh, turning to face him. “That was so bad, like— terrible.”

“It’s not funny.” Mike replied, voice monotone. It really wasn’t, not to him at least. Though he would probably be laughing if it were Max instead of him.

“Oh it’s very funny.” Max insisted, and Lucas slightly nudged her. Lucas had known about Mike’s short temper, and Max did too; she just didn’t care if he exploded with anger, she found it even funnier. “I mean he obviously did not want you there, and then you started pulling up a chair— god, I wish I took a video of that.” She was still giggling.

“Shut. Up.” Mike gritted through his teeth. He had barely wiped the tears out of his eyes before he got here, and now Max was threatening to bring them right back up. But he couldn’t cry. Not here, not in front of his friends, not at this party, and certainly not over Will. Not again.

“Seriously, can you ever take a hint?” She said, finally pushing Mike over the edge.

That was the thing, there were so many hints just then. Will’s body language, how he was still facing towards Carlton, how he wasn’t really giving Mike his full attention, how he was tapping his finger on the table. There were so many signs that Will did not want him there, yet Mike chose to ignore them all. He chose to push his luck and embarrass himself, and make Will feel bad. God, he was so stupid.

“I said shut the fuck up Maxine!” Mike shouted, before he could hold back, or think about what he was doing and how he was reacting for a second. “I don’t want to hear it. So just keep your goddamn mouth closed for once and stop trying to get a reaction out of me.” Mike swallowed, feeling a warm drop of water fall down his cheek. “Because here, there you have it. You happy now?”

He turned around and started walking to the front door. Fresh air. He needed a minute to sit down by himself, alone with his thoughts. Away from that terrible, loud music, away from the people screaming, and away from his friends.

“Jeez, Mike, I’m sorry.” Max hesitated, her voice softening a little bit, losing the edge it always had. “I didn’t know—” She started following Mike, but Lucas pulled her back, muttering ‘give him some time’.

He didn’t stop. Not when he bumped into someone and that person fell, not when Dustin and El came up to him asking where he was going, and not when this random girl tried talking to him. He kept his eyes fixated on the front door and didn’t blink or look away until he had successfully shut the door behind him.

Okay, good. Nobody was out here. The party hadn’t wandered into the front yard, Mike was alone. Perfect. A few steps away from the door there was an empty space; no potted plants or decor standing on the concrete. He slid down onto the floor, back leaned up against the wall. He took a sip of his beer. Then another.

He thought of the interactions with Will; how he had purposely put some space in between the two for the whole day. Will took the passenger seat on the drive back to Wheeler house after their graduation ceremony, as opposed to his usual spot next to Mike. He gulped down another bit of beer.

He thought about how at the dinner his mom hosted for Mike and his friends, Will sat two spots away from him, leaving Max and Lucas in between them. He shared whispers and giggled with Max the entirety of the meal. He didn’t address Mike, not a single time. He brought the red cup to his lips once more.

He thought about how at the party when Mike suggested he and Will get a drink first, he all of a sudden needed to tell El something urgent, and ran off. He promised they would get a drink later. He didn’t stick to his promise. Mike tilted the cup higher to drink more of the alcohol.

He thought about how the only two times they spoke throughout the night, things seemed off. They were still close, they still touched, but it was— weird, different. Like Will had contemplated doing it every time; like he was watching his words and thinking carefully. He tilted his cup up the rest of the way, chugging the remnants of the beer.

He thought about how Will was currently talking to a different guy, after previously pushing Mike away, practically forcing him to leave. He didn’t want him there. Will was avoiding him. What did Mike do that made him act like this? And why was he so bothered? Best friends. That’s it. He reached for his cup once more, but it was empty. He crushed the plastic in his hands and shoved it to the side.

The door creaked open. Mike snapped his head over to see Max standing at the doorway, a hesitant expression on her face. “Hey Wheeler. Thought you might want this.” She held up another red cup, filled to the brim with beer.

She held it out to him, almost like it was a peace offering. Mike gladly accepted, and took a sip of the drink right away, a couple droplets dripping down his chin and onto his shirt. “Hi,” he offered a small smile, and like that was the only signal Max needed, she slowly sat down next to him.

“Uh, sorry for earlier,” Max started. She wasn’t the best at apologies, but Mike wasn’t either, so he knew it was from a good place. “I was just joking, I didn’t know you were legitimately hurt by it.”

“Yeah,” Mike scraped his shoes against the concrete, making a scratching sound that he couldn’t decide was soothing or annoying. “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have been so bothered by it anyway.”

“No, I get it,” she paused, “the people you love the most can hurt you the most too.” He knew she was talking about her family. Billy, specifically. His death had a big impact on her. She was better now, but it never really healed, the scars just faded, but they were never gone.

“I shouldn’t even care.” Thinking about Max’s situation suddenly made his problems seem so small. Her life was so messed up, while Mike was freaking out over his best friend talking to another guy. “It’s not even that big of a deal.”

“Maybe,” she turned to face him, “but that doesn’t mean that it can’t still hurt.”

That stuck with Mike. “Yeah, but I just don’t know why it hurts so much.” He sniffed, bringing his cup to his lips. “I should be happy for Will, shouldn’t I? He must feel excited, talking to a guy. I know that he thinks it’ll be hard for him to find love, because, you know…”

That was true. Will had told Mike once that he felt incapable of love— like he felt that no one would ever want him, no guy would ever want him. Mike hated hearing his best friend talk about himself like that. It must be hard to be different in that kind of way. Mike was a misfit too, but he didn’t get bullied, not as much as Will did.

All of a sudden, Mike felt really selfish for trying to mess up Will’s chances with Carlton… trying to get in between them. It’s just— Mike was sure that he could find someone better, he wanted Will to have better. He deserved better.

“Of course he does.” Max brought him back from his thoughts, nudging his knee with her own. “I mean, I can’t imagine being in his situation, trying to find someone. He’s grown up around love, he’s watched so many people find their match, experience love. I mean his mom and Hopper, Jonathan and Nancy, even if they're broken up now, it was real. Me and Lucas, you and El. And now there’s Dustin and El— whatever is going on there. It must be hard for him.”

“I never thought about that.” Mike whispered. He had thought about Will finding love and how scary and hard that must be, but he never thought about how it was probably even harder watching everyone else fall in and out of love.

“That’s good, I think. It’s not fun to think about your best friend struggling.” Max said in a sweeter tone; one that she rarely used with him. She started sitting up and reached out her hand for Mike to grab. He did so, and they started making their way towards the door. “Oh, and Wheeler?”

“Hm?” He hummed, bringing his gaze from the ground in front of him to Max as they stepped inside the house.

“As for why you’re so bothered by it, I think you know the answer to that.” She smiled, patting his shoulder and parting ways with him.

I think you know the answer to that.

Max’s words stuck in Mike’s mind. What did she mean by that? What answer? And how would she know it before him? It’s not like she can get into his brain or anything. Max was confusing him even more than he already was, and this alcohol really hadn’t been helping.

He had barely finished his second cup of beer (which in his defense had both been very full), and he was already starting to feel the effects. He envied Max and Lucas, who seemed to be able to drink as much as they want and still be completely fine, whereas Mike would barely drink and he already felt like crap.

He decided to slow it down on the drinking for tonight, and grabbed a bottle of water from a nearby cooler. Maybe he would drink some more later, but he didn’t have any real intentions on doing so. For now, he was just going to try and have fun, and avoid looking over at Will and Carlton as much as possible.

He spotted El and Dustin a little further down, dancing and talking. He decided he would go join, considering he hadn’t really talked to them the entirety of the party, and he had practically ran away from them earlier. 

He made his way through the crowds of people, ducking under moving arms and swerving side to side between groups of friends moving around in a carefree manner. Finally, he reached his two friends, who still seemed to be too deep into whatever they were doing to realize Mike standing right there.

“Hey guys!” Mike shouted, finally capturing their attention. The two of them both turned their heads over to him, and their already-huge smiles grew even wider.

“Mike!” El came up and gave him a hug, wrapping her arms around him tightly. “Why did you run away earlier?” She asked, pulling away from him with an almost-judgemental look in her eyes.

Dustin must’ve noticed his hesitation to come up with an explanation, because he quickly cut in with, “it doesn’t matter, he’s here now.” He smiled, patting his back lightly. “Wanna dance?”

Mike shrugged, “not really.” He wasn’t quite in the mood to dance, he would need another drink and a bit of a mood boost first. He wasn’t quite fond of dancing, and he wasn’t good at it either, so he would rather not make a fool of himself. “I’ll stay with you guys though,” he offered a polite smile, making his way towards the wall a couple feet away.

“Nah, I was done for now anyway.” Dustin replied, joining Mike. El walked over too, standing close to Dustin. Very close, so much so that the entirety of their arms were pressed up against each other.

“Me too. I am very tired.” El agreed in her usual soft tone. Mike was surprised with how much alcohol she had consumed tonight, actually. He had never really taken her for the drinker.

But, she had managed to find a grenadine mix somewhere around the house, and mixed that in with whatever she was drinking. Cherry-flavored beer sounded gross to Mike, but as long as she liked it, that was all that mattered.

“Did you know that Will is talking with Carlton?” Mike blurted out. He wasn’t exactly sure why he was in the mood to share it all of the sudden, he just felt that the two of them should know. Maybe sharing it would make him feel better, and make more sense of what Max had said earlier. “They are like— full on flirting.”

“Will? Flirting?” Dustin raised an eyebrow, looking at Mike for any signs of a joke on his face. When he couldn’t find any, he let out a small laugh. “The only person I’ve ever seen him flirt with is— never mind.”

What was Dustin going to say? Who had Will flirted with in the past, because he didn’t know of anyone. Why would Dustin know but not Mike? Will told him everything, or so he thought. He let his curiosity get the best of him, and couldn’t help but ask, “Who else has he flirted with?” He said, with a certain undertone of impatience in his voice.

“It doesn’t matter.” Dustin quickly said, looking down at his shirt, pretending to pick on non-existent threads. He was just trying to look anywhere but Mike, and he was not being subtle about it. 

“You really do not know, Mike?” El asked bluntly. How did she know too? Had Will told everybody except for Mike? No, definitely not. She was just really good with reading social cues; she always had been. El had been raised in a lab and hadn’t talked for a long time, so she kind of had to become good at reading a room.

“No, I really don’t know.” Mike whined, starting to sound bratty. He really tried not to, but he was curious now. Why he wanted to know so badly, he wasn’t quite sure. But then again, he was a really nosy person. “How come everyone but me knows?”

“Because you are stupid and oblivious, that’s why.” Dustin replied. Okay, ouch. 

“So he’s been flirting with some random guy and you have all noticed besides me?” Mike confirmed, trying to see if he could look back into every guy that Will talked to. Maybe he could remember if there was some flirtatious behavior from Will that he might not have realized then.

“Yeah, a ‘random guy’.” El made air quotes with her fingers. Okay, now Mike was really confused. So he knew the guy?

Mike's thoughts flashed back to Will’s hand on Carlton’s arm, and then Will’s arm on his. Was it— no. No, Mike, stop being stupid, it wasn’t him. He would know if he was being flirted with by his best friend. That was definitely not the case. Why would Mike even let that thought enter his mind? God, this was so confusing. He needed to get out of here and out of this conversation.

“I— I have to go to the bathroom. I’ll be back.” Mike brought his head down to his feet, focusing on the ground in front of him.

What he really needed to do was stop letting these thoughts get in his head. He was drunk, and he was letting things that he wouldn’t normally think enter into his mind. Will, flirting with him? How could he be so stupid to think that? And why did his brain entertain it? Why did he almost want to believe that Will was flirting with him?

Mike quickly attempted to shake the thought out of his head. It wouldn’t leave. It was still there when he was walking around the crowds to get to the bathroom, and it was still there while he was stepping into the terribly long line of people. It seemed to be moving at a snail's pace.

Fifteen minutes later, and he had barely moved up three steps. Will was the only thing in his mind. He was trying to figure out while his brain was still thinking about this, and why that tingle in his arm where Will touched was still there. He needed to pull himself together.

But what he still couldn’t wrap his head around was why he was still feeling those things. Best friend, Mike repeated to himself. He was being protective and picky over who Will chose to spend his time with, because that was his best friend. He wanted to make sure that Will wasn’t getting into a toxic type of relationship, because he wouldn’t want that for any of his friends.

Yes, that was exactly it. Mike smiled to himself, finally figuring it out. However, he still felt something was… wrong, about this conclusion. He couldn’t exactly understand why, though, and he wasn’t going to try to do that now either. 

He was able to advance a couple more steps up the line, because a few people in front of him left the queue, scoffing at the amount of time it was taking.

With his new position in the line, he was able to look past a corner right in front of him. And with his terrible luck, he had a clear sight of Will and fucking Carlton. They would have been able to see him too, but they were too busy looking at each other, of course.

God, this was so stupid. This was ridiculous and Mike didn’t want to look at the two of them. Despite that, he couldn’t help but stare at the way Will was looking at him, the same glimmer in his eyes still there. He noticed how Carlton was toying with the sleeves of Will’s hoodie. He had to witness them looking at each other like they were the only people in the world.

Mike felt sick to his stomach.

He didn’t know why, it was probably from the alcohol. And he had to pee. Really bad. Could this stupid line move any quicker? He needed to get out of sight from Will and Carlton, and really, he needed to go home to his own bed. He needed to stop pretending like he was having a good time and that nothing was wrong, when really everything was.

And he wanted to tell this to someone, he wanted to be able to share this with another person, with words, saying it out loud. But there were two problems. One, he didn’t know how to put it into words. He had no clue in the slightest of what was going on, so he wouldn’t even be able to explain it. Two, the person he would talk to about this kind of thing was currently leaning in towards Carlton about ten feet away from him.

Shit.

Will was leaning into Carlton. Will was about to kiss Carlton. And he was leaning in too. They were both leaning in, and they were four inches apart from each other's faces. Mike’s eyes widened, jaw dropping.

All of a sudden, he was wondering whether Will had kissed someone else before this. The way his eyes flicked up between Carlton’s eyes and lips, the way he tilted his head to the left just a little bit, the way his hand creeped up his arm. It all felt too natural. And Mike didn’t like the idea of Will kissing tons of guys. He couldn’t explain why, he just didn’t like it.

He was frozen in place, watching the scene unfold in front of him. Yes, this was reaching into invasive territory, and yes, it was weird to watch your best friend kiss someone. However, it wasn’t like Mike had another choice, a couple had just entered the bathroom, so they would probably be there for a while anyway. He was stuck here.

Sure, he could’ve looked away, he could’ve started a conversation with someone around him, or he could’ve left the line completely. Except he couldn’t do that. He literally couldn’t, because his eyes were glued on the two of them, despite his attempts to pull his attention away.

Carlton whispered something to Will that Mike couldn’t hear— despite his desperate attempts too. And just like that, he closed the gap, bringing his lips to touch Will’s. He let out a small gasp, Mike couldn’t hear it, but he could tell by the way he jumped up a little bit, before settling into the contact. Settling into Carlton’s lips.

No, this was wrong. The way Will leaned into Carlton, the way he looked so… comfortable there. His body relaxed in the way he hadn’t around Mike in so long. This wasn’t okay. Those two shouldn’t be so close, Will shouldn't feel so safe around him already, and Will shouldn’t be kissing Carlton. Mike didn’t want Will to kiss Carlton. He wanted Will to kiss him and—

Oh.

Oh.

Mike wanted Will to kiss him. That wasn’t something someone thought of a best friend. That was something someone would think about of a person they… liked.

Mike liked Will and Will was kissing Carlton.

This couldn’t possibly get any more messed up. And to make things worse, they were still kissing. Mike was getting more hurt with every passing second, but he also couldn’t look away. He couldn’t help but imagine that it was him up against the wall except for Carlton. No— he had to get away.

He found the energy to push his feet forward and back around the corner, leaving the two out of sight. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t all he could think about. He liked Will. Will was a boy. Mike wasn’t supposed to like boys, he knew that. It was wrong, and gross, and… weird.

Gay was the word middle school boys threw around as an insult. If you were gay you were different and disgusting. You weren’t normal. Mike already knew he wasn’t normal, but he was the kind of different that people just accepted. He was a nerd and a loser, but if he was gay, he was something else. He was different in the bad way.

But he liked Will. He was gay. He only ever liked Will. He only ever loved Will. No one else. Not El, not anyone. Just Will. It was always just him. From when he was five and didn’t want any other friends besides Will, to when he was twelve and felt the need to protect Will with everything he had, to when he moved to California and Mike felt nothing but heartbreak. And now, when he was tearing up at the sight of Will kissing another guy.

This must’ve been what Max meant when she said that Mike ‘knew the answer to that’. He felt betrayed because he was the one that wanted to be in Carton’s situation, and he wanted Will to look at him like that. He felt betrayed that he was doing all of that with another guy now, instead of him.

It has always been Will. Mike was just too stupid to realize it sooner. Maybe Will liked him too, at some point. Maybe that was why he gave him the painting and said it was from El, and maybe that was why he was so sad during the entirety of spring break.

But he doesn’t like Mike. Not anymore, at least. Now he’s moved on to people that actually show him the attention he deserves, and can actually get their feelings in order. And Will was deserving of that, he really was. But that didn’t mean that Mike wasn’t hurt, and that he didn’t still want a chance with him.

But it was too late.

Mike found himself at the bar before he could even process anything other than Will, Will, Will. He reached over to his left and pulled out a bottle of tequila, and a little red shot cup next to it. He poured the liquor in the cup, filling it up to the top.

Tequila made him drunk. Mike knew that. One shot and he was officially going to consider himself drunk. But that was what he needed. He needed to take his mind off of things. He tipped the cup into his mouth and let the alcohol burn down his throat.

He coughed immediately. It didn’t taste good. Mike knew that, but he somehow forgot every time. It shocked him that people actually drank this stuff for any reason other than to get drunk. 

He relaxed his arms against the countertop, slumping into his seat. He wasn’t sure what to do now. He didn't want to go dance with Dustin and El, Lucas and Max were gone again, and Mike wasn’t going to even think about going over to Will right now. He wasn’t sure how to face Will with this new found information.

𝜗𝜚

It was about another hour later, and Mike was sipping on a beer (which he hadn’t actually filled to the top, shocker). The rest of the party was nowhere to be found, though he wasn’t really looking for anyone but Will. So specifically, he was out of sight.

Until he wasn’t.

Out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw a familiar face. Carlton and Will walked around a corner and back into sight. They were laughing, and Will had that glimmer in his eyes. No. He was only supposed to have that glimmer with Mike, not anyone else, especially that random-ass guy.

Okay fine, they were laughing. Mike could deal with that. Maybe if he tuned it out… if he didn’t look, or if he shut his eyes really tight, or banged his head on the table hard enough to make himself pass out. No, that was stupid.

He tried his hardest to peel his eyes away from the two of them. And it worked, for a few minutes at least. His gaze was inevitably drawn back over to them, where Mike now saw them kissing. Again. God, could they get a room?

No, he didn’t want them doing anything at all. Whether Mike could see it or not. This was torture. Of course he only realizes his feelings for his best friend when he is kissing another guy. It was typical Mike behavior. He was stupid and oblivious and he hated himself for it.

But he just couldn’t deal with another second of this— he had to separate the two of them. He decided it was time to go home. He had enough of this party, and everyone else was just going to have to comply with him. 

He marched over to Max and Lucas first, because he had to calm down before facing Will, or else he might just punch Carlton in the face. That would not go over well.

He spent a couple minutes looking for his friends, who he finally found off to the side behind a crowd. “Guys. We are going home.” Mike ordered, to which he got a couple of amused, unimpressed looks. “Come on,” he rolled his eyes.

“Really, Wheeler? Do we have to do this again?” Max sighed, crossing her arms. 

Mike came up to the other side of Max, opposite of where Lucas was standing, and whispered in his ear (to the best of his drunken ability), “Will is actively making out with fucking Carlton over there. Please, can we go? I don’t want to witness another second of this.”

She let out a huff of air in response, before pushing herself off of the wall. “Fine, let’s go Lucas.” Since Lucas loved his girlfriend—and was also scared of her—he agreed, following the two of them over to where Dustin and El were sitting.

“El, Dustin, we are going now.” Max said with a certain authority in her voice to those two. They both got up, because apparently everyone will listen to anyone except for Mike, even though technically speaking, he was the ‘leader’ of the group. But if he said that, it would not go over well. He has tried.

“Go get Will, we are going to wait outside for you.” Max instructed Mike, with a certain expression on her face. Great. He really did not want to go have to talk to Will and Carlton and pretend he wasn’t angry (jealous of) at them, and Will wasn’t going to listen to Mike anyway. 

Still, Mike reluctantly walked over to the two of them, who—you guessed it—were still making out. He grimaced at the sight, but quickly tried to shake the expression off. He wasn’t sure whether it worked or not.

Once he finally reached them, they didn’t notice him. He cleared his throat, thinking that would get their attention. They were still engrossed in each other, and Mike was fighting back a gag. He finally tapped on Will’s shoulder, which seemed to make him jump up.

“Oh, uh— sorry Mike. I didn’t see you there.” Will had a brighter red tint on his face, and this time it wasn’t from the alcohol, it was from Carlton. The urge to gag was resurfacing in Mike again.

“Whatever, we are going.” He tried to sound as uninterested as possible, because if he showed any emotion in his voice, it would come out as anger or hurt.

“Have you… been drinking?” Will asked. Of course he could tell, Mike had a certain look when he drank, and he always noticed it. At least if mike started acting angry, this could be an excuse. Well, not really an excuse, but Will wouldn’t raise suspicions.

“So what if I have?” Mike stumbled over his words a little bit. There was a certain edge to his voice, when he noticed the way that Will’s lips were red and puffed, and his hair was rustled a little.

“Who’s gonna drive if we’re all drunk?” He questioned. Shit. Mike hadn’t thought about that. He was supposed to drive, since he said early on in the night that he wasn’t going to be drinking. But things happened, and now they don’t have a person to drive them.

“I can drive you guys.” Carlton offered, grabbing onto Will’s hand. No way in hell. Mike was not letting that asshole drive them home, what was he going to do, try and charm all of their friends? Or worse, was he going to take Will back to his place? That thought made him sick.

“I’ve got it,” Mike responded, raising his voice. He grabbed Will’s shoulder, because he had to show some sense of authority over this guy. “We brought my car anyway, so it wouldn’t work for you to drive us.”

“Sure it would, you can just come back tomorrow and pick up your car.” Carlton offered. He even had a sweet smile on his face. It was all fake, Mike was convinced. He was planning something, he was trying to take his spot as Will’s best friend, and he was not going to let that happen.

“I said I can handle it. Come on Will, let’s go.” He started trying to put his hand on Will’s back and guiding him out of the house, but Carlton’s grip on Will’s hand was still tight, and Will wasn’t budging either. “I have a plan, just trust me Will, okay?”

“Will, if you don’t want to go home yet, I can just take you later.” Carlton offered, brushing some hair out of his face. Mike had the urge to swat his hand away, and scream at him to back off. But he knew he couldn’t do that, he was eighteen, not five.

“Really? Will, don’t tell me you would rather go with this random guy over your best friends?” Mike asked, hurt seeping through his angry tone.

“I’m not a random guy,” Carlton rolled his eyes. Mike did not like his attitude, he had to say. “We literally went to high school together.” Mike was about to come up with a remark to that, but Will spoke first.

“I’m not,” he hesitated, pulling away from both Carlton and Mike. “Just— can you please try to get along? I haven’t even properly introduced the two of you.”

“Will,” Mike had a softer tone in his voice now. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset, I’m just… drunk, and I want to go home.” He managed to strangle the next words out of him, “but if you want, you can stay with Carlton.”

“No— it’s fine. I want to go home too.” Will replied. Thank god. Mike wasn't sure what he was going to do if Will actually took him up on the offer of staying with Carlton.

“Oh, uh. Okay then, goodbye Will, I hope to see you again soon.” Carlton said, looking a little hurt, yet there was a sweeter tone in his voice when talking to him. He better not. “Bye Mike.”

“Yeah, I hope to see you too.” Will blushed a little, and Mike actually almost lost it right then and there. He managed to let out a small wave, afraid that he would not be able to keep his composure if he spoke.

And finally, they were making their way through the party like they were supposed to two hours ago. Mike was happy that he successfully got Will away from Carlton, but the expression on Will’s face looked off. Mike couldn’t exactly tell what was wrong.

“So, what’s this ‘master plan’ of yours?” Will questioned with a certain edge to his voice, holding up air quotes. 

“Huh?” Mike muttered, not knowing what he was asking. He blamed the alcohol.

“You know, the plan you have. The reason why you were so adamant on Carlton not taking us home.” Shit. He didn’t actually know how to get home, and the only reason he was so adamant on getting them back to the house was because he couldn’t stand to spend another second anywhere near Carlton.

“Right, um,” he thought for a moment, yet his drunken and jumbled mind was making it hard to figure out an idea on the spot. He was surprised that he was even functioning near Will after realizing that he liked him approximately an hour ago. “I’m working on it.”

“Of course,” Will scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You just wanted to get Carlton away, didn’t you?” Obviously he was able to see through Mike’s stupid idea, what did he really expect? Anyone would be able to tell that he did not like Carlton.

“… No,”

“God, Mike.” Will’s voice seemed to be getting more and more annoyed. Not angry yet. Mike hoped that it would never get angry, that meant that he had messed up beyond an apology. “Why are you doing this? What is your problem with Carlton?”

Thankfully, Mike was saved from having an answer, because they finally reached the front of the house, where the rest of their friends were waiting (quite impatiently, at that). He had to come up with a plan, and fast. He checked his watch, 12am.

Okay, that wasn’t too late. Hypothetically, they could walk home. But it would take thirty minutes and they were all not in the mood to walk on sketchy streets in the middle of the night. Not to mention, if they got jumped then they would not be able to protect themselves, they had all drank too much. 

So, that was out of the question. That was the only thing Mike could really think of. Except— he could call someone. Who would he call? His friends were all here, and he would not be calling his parents, either. They were probably asleep anyway. Nancy. That was his last resort, she would definitely still be up, since Jonathan and the others were over at their house.

There was a pay phone at the end of the street, so he just had to make it there and then he could call Nancy and they could be on their way home. Mike would call it a night, and he could sleep with his thoughts and finally get some peace for the night.

“Come on, everyone. I have a plan.” Mike ordered, and after a few protests and groans, the group started following him.

They reached the pay phone, and then it hit him that he didn’t have any money. “Guys, do you have quarters?” Mike asked desperately, hoping that this idea would still be an option. It was actually their only option, so it better work.

“Yeah, I think I have some.” Lucas chimed in, digging around in his pockets. He took out a quarter from his front pocket, and continued looking. “Fuck. I only have three.”

“I might have another.” Will said, while Lucas passed Mike the ones that he had. Will stuck his hand into his jacket pocket and then a second later pulled out a shiny quarter. “Here.”

He passed it to Mike. When Will dropped the coin in his hand, their hands brushed for a second. Mike froze at the contact, and Will quickly pulled his hand away. It was such a quick interaction that Mike was half-convinced that he was imagining it. But when Max met his eyes with a small smirk on her face, he knew that she saw it too.

He tried to ignore it, and look as normal as he could while he shoved the quarters into the slot of the pay phone machine, despite his shaky hands. Once the four of them were in there, Mike dialed Nancy’s number. The line rang two times, and by the third time he was starting to get nervous that she wasn’t actually awake or home, and this was a huge waste of time, hope, and money.

Finally, on the fourth ring, there was a clicking sound, “hello?” a voice from the other end spoke. Mike let out a sigh when he heard Nancy’s voice. Thank god.

“Nance?”

“Mike?” There was a sense of worry in her voice. He didn't usually call her in the middle of the night and simply say the word ‘Nance’, so he could understand her concern. “Are you okay? You were at the party right?”

“Yeah, uh— we all just left. But, um. We kind of need a ride home.” Mike said, scratching the back of his head, which he noticed he tended to do when he was nervous.

“I thought you weren’t going to drink tonight. You know the deal. I will cover for you partying as long as you have a designated driver.” A sense of authority shone through her still slightly-worried tone.

“I know, Nance. It’s just… stuff happened, okay? I drank and now we need a ride home.” He let out a semi-frustrated sigh. “Please?”

She huffed. “Fine. But next time, be more responsible. And you have to tell me everything later.” Yeah right. Mike decided not to say that, because he still needed a ride home.

“Sure.”

“Where are you?” Mike looked around. Across the street he the a light up sign he recognized. 

“We’re like, right across the street from that Chinese place we always used to go to when we were little. If you remember where that is.” Nancy and Mike always used to bike ride there when their parents were fighting, so they didn’t have to stay in the house. He looked forward to going there, it was one of his favorite memories with her.

She didn’t respond for a moment. Probably thinking about the same thing Mike was. “Yeah, I’ll be there in ten minutes. Be ready.” She instructed, and there was a beeping sound, indicating that she hung up.

𝜗𝜚

Exactly ten minutes later, Nancy pulled up and parked the car in an empty spot right in front of the group. Her, Jonathan, and Robin all stepped out of the car, the three of them with matching annoyed expressions on their faces.

“Keys, Mike,” Jonathan ordered. He wasn’t able to process what he was asking, until he pointed to the car. Mike dug his own car keys out of his pocket, and at risk of his bad coordination skills even when he wasn’t drunk, he opted to pass the keys to him instead of tossing them over. “Where is your car?”

“Uh,” He looked around for a second. “Over there,” he pointed down the street back over to Stacey’s house. 

“The four of you,” Robin pointed towards Dustin, Lucas, Max, and El, “drive with Jonathan in Mike’s car.” They obliged, and followed him over to the car.

“This seating arrangement makes no sense. It’s my car and Will’s brother driving, so why are we the only ones not going in that car?” Mike argued, though he wasn’t sure why. Either way he was with Will, so it didn’t really matter. He was just in the mood to fight.

“I’m your sister!”

“Plus, we wanted you guys to drive with us.” Robin smiled, nudging Nancy’s shoulder. Yeah, there was definitely something going on there. Mike clocked it in his freshman year, when the two had gotten oddly close.

“Right,” Will seemed just as skeptical as Mike did. They were obviously planning something, but neither of them could tell what it was. “Whatever, let’s just go.” He finally gave up, rolling his eyes.

They all piled into the car, Nancy driving, Robin in the passenger seat, and Will and Mike in the back row. The windows were rolled down, because Nancy was ‘not getting barf all over her car’. Mike did not feel like throwing up. Yet. He felt sick, but for other reasons.

“So, Will, you had fun with Carlton, didn’t you?” The words were slurring out of Mike before he could stop it. He wasn’t sure what exactly possessed him to say that, but it was probably that whenever he was drunk he could not filter inside thoughts from outside thoughts. Everything that entered his mind just had to be said.

“Mike,” Will warned, glancing over to Nancy and Robin. Through the rear view mirror, he could see that his sister’s eyebrows were raised, and Robin was peering over her seat discreetly (though since it was Robin, it was pretty obvious). “Shut up.”

“What? You were all flushed and stuff earlier, so I thought you’d want to talk about it.” he pushed further, against his better judgement, and the smarter part of his brain screaming ‘no, no, no!’

“Seriously. I’m not talking about this right now. Not here, and not with you.” He replied firmly, voice more cold and distant than a few seconds ago. What could that possibly mean?

“Why don’t you want to talk about it with me?” He couldn’t help himself from asking. He needed to know.

“Mike, why do you care about whoever this Carlton dude is so much? Will can spend his time with whoever he wants.” Robin chimed in, even though this was so not her place to butt in. Will kicked her seat hard. He didn’t like that comment either, apparently.

“Because he’s supposed to be spending his time with me!” Mike shouted, before he even had a second to process what he was actually saying. 

Fuck.

The silence that came after that was almost deafening, which was a metaphor that Mike thought made no sense before this. But that was the perfect way to describe it. 

“I just mean— never mind.” Mike tried to defend his helpless case, but quickly gave up, seeing as there was no other way to put that. As a last resort, he asked, “why isn’t Steve here? Wasn’t he at the house with you?”

“He’s even more shit-faced than you are,” Nancy responded, though her voice seemed distracted. Like she was thinking about something else. “If that’s even possible.” She mumbled, and now it was Mike’s turn to kick her seat.

Will leaned closer to Mike, and he was pretty sure his heart stopped beating for a good five seconds. “You weren’t exactly paying much attention to me either.” His voice was low enough that Robin and Nancy couldn’t hear what he was saying, the sound of the radio barricading his words between just the two boys.

“Oh,” Mike simply said, though it was more like a sigh— or a realization. He was right, he hadn’t gone out of his way to talk to Will. If anything, he avoided him. But he had a good reason, or at least he was pretty sure that figuring out your feelings for your best friend was reason enough. Was it?

The rest of the drive was silent after that.

𝜗𝜚

Finally; after a car ride that felt like it lasted for an eternity, they pulled into the Wheeler house. Everyone had already planned on staying the night here, so the sleeping bags and mattresses were set up in the basement, ready to be used.

Mike had barely gotten one foot into the house when Robin grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him back outside. “Ow, what the hell, Robin? It’s freezing out here!” It may have been summer, but he was just in jeans and a t-shirt, so he was cold.

“We need to talk, Wheeler.” She replied, in a somewhat ominous tone, that he couldn’t tell whether it was on purpose or not. Knowing Robin, it was probably the second option.

“What could we possibly need to talk about?” He rolled his eyes, starting to walk back inside the house. However, Robin had other plans, because she grabbed his wrist again.

“You like Will.” Robin stated, matter-of-factly. She didn’t have any sense of disgust in her voice, or amusement. She said it flatly, like it was just a fact. Like it was common knowledge. Like it didn’t imply that Mike was… different from everyone else.

“I—” but Mike couldn’t even fight it, because it was true. He didn’t want to deny it, not when Robin said and she seemed to have already decided that it was true, no matter what he said. There was no point in lying. He let out a sigh, “you won’t tell him, right? I know you guys are close.”

“No— no, of course not. I want to help you.” She offered him a smile, which reassured him. It was weird that she could do that, offer that relaxation to him. They barely ever talked, they weren’t close at all. “Listen, it’s scary. I know that.” She let out a breathy laugh. “It doesn’t get less scary over time, and you can’t just ‘shut it off’. Trust me, I tried, really hard. People are going to tell you that it’s wrong, or disgusting, or that it’s a sin. But it’s not. Don’t listen to them.”

She tried? Does that mean— oh. Robin knew because she was the same. She could make him calm down and comfort him and say things in the right way because she knew. She knew what it was like. “What if… what if it’s not just others telling you that, but it’s also yourself? What if you can’t help but feel guilty?”

“You’re going to feel that way for a while. That’s what we were always taught, and it’s hard to ignore that. It’s a ‘rule’, and breaking rules is bad. But you’re not breaking anything. You’re changing it. The rule shouldn’t be that way. You can love whoever you want. No matter how wrong it may feel now, always remember that. It’s not about how those people feel towards you, it’s about what feels right to you.”

Mike wasn’t sure when he started crying, but his eyes were glassy with tears, which he quickly wiped off. “Thanks Robin. For everything.”

“Yeah, you can always come to me, if you need to.” She squeezed his shoulder. “Scratch that— I want you to come to me.” 

“I will.” He offered the same smile that she had given to him earlier. And he meant that. He would talk to her again. He started to turn back toward the door, but then he stopped. Robin helped him, so he would help her too. “Oh, and,” he turned around and looked her in the eye, “Nancy likes you back.”

She perked up, a wider smile spreading on her face, “really?” She asked, not able to mask her happiness. “How do you know?”

“I’m her brother, I know. I see it. Trust me like how I’m trusting you. It'll take her some time, but she’ll realize it soon. I can help, talk to her and stuff like that.”

“Thanks, Mike.” She replied, the excitement settling a little. “You know, I don’t know why we haven’t really talked before this.” 

“Me neither, but I’m glad I did now. You’re pretty cool.” He said, a happy tone to his voice as well. “Night, Rockin’ Robin.”

“Goodnight Michael.”

Mike went back inside the house after that. Tonight felt different, weird. Maybe in a good way, maybe in a bad way. He wasn’t even sure why today felt odd, but there were a lot of possibilities. 

Maybe it was because he just graduated, he was starting college in three months. NYU with Will, he decided. It hadn’t been his first choice for college, but as long as he was with Will. He would go to Mars if Will was going.

Or maybe it was because of his newfound feelings for Will. Which again, was a very feasible possibility. Or maybe finding out that he was, well, not straight, in the first place. Different.

Or maybe it was just because he had drank too much. Though, he already felt like he was sobering up. That talk with Robin had definitely affected him in multiple different ways. Mentally, and physically, apparently. Or whatever you would classify being drunk as.

He could hear the faint noise of his friends talking from the basement. He followed the noise, opening and closing the door behind him. Once he made it to the bottom of the staircase, he saw his friends seated in a circle on the floor. Dustin was currently tilted back, chugging a glass bottle of beer.

“Finally, you’re here!” Lucas exclaimed, motioning for Mike to sit next to him, which he did. Dustin stopped drinking, and passed the bottle over to him. He took it, confused.

“Finish it off.” He ordered. Mike downed the last quarter or so of the beer, still filled with questions.

“I told everyone that I have never played spin the bottle before. They all agreed that we are going to play it right now.” El informed him, as if she sensed the confusion Mike had.

“Really? Are you sure? I mean, aren’t we supposed to play spin the bottle with like— a whole group of people? It’s just our party… won’t that be weird?” He protested, again, just to be difficult. He actually had no problem with it, because what if he spun and it landed on Will? He could actually kiss him. Tonight.

“No,” Max responded first, as she grabbed the empty bottle from Mike’s hand, placing it in the middle of the circle. “Come on Wheeler, it’ll be fun.”

“Okay, fine.” He agreed, because he wanted to play. This was great, honestly. He was excited. “Who’s starting?” 

“I will.” Max said, leaving no room for discussion. She twisted the bottle on the floor, and it spun for a good minute. Each second it took, the anticipation grew, wondering what the first pair would be. 

It finally landed directly in front of El, who immediately smiled. They both leaned in, and Max placed a kiss on her lips. It was quick, maybe three seconds. “This is fun!” El exclaimed, giggling. It wasn’t long before the whole group was sent into a laughing fit, curling over, not stopping until everyone was on the floor, or their sides hurt.

“Okay, Mike’s next.” Lucas said, sitting back up in his spot. Everyone watched the bottle closely as Mike spun it, using more force than Max did, so it would take longer to stop.

Please be Will. He thought. But then, ‘no, that’s wrong, Mike. Don’t think that.’ The thought wouldn’t leave his mind, even with half of his brain trying to shut it out. It was too strong of a thought— no, want— no, need. Mike needed to kiss Will.

The bottle finally came to a stop. It was right in front of Dustin. Okay, so that wasn’t Will. Shit. Dustin groaned. Mike couldn’t help but think about how nobody knew he was gay. He hadn’t had time to tell anyone, he barely figured it out for himself. 

Nonetheless, they didn’t know. Was it wrong for Mike to kiss Dustin… to kiss a guy when they didn’t know he liked guys yet? Would they look at him differently? Would they feel betrayed… taken advantage of? No. No, they were okay with it because Will was gay. They knew that, and they didn’t have any problem playing with him, so it was fine. It was okay. They wouldn’t hate him.

He took a deep breath, as Dustin reluctantly leaned in. Mike did too, and they were both over Lucas, who was scooted backwards against the wall as far as he could be.

Their lips barely touched before Dustin jerked away, spitting and wiping his mouth, mumbling ‘gross’, ‘disgusting’, and ‘yuck’, all in the span of about two seconds. Will, Lucas, El, and Max were sent into another laughing fit.

Meanwhile, Mike was only thinking about how repulsed Dustin seemed. Was it because he thought being gay was weird? Would he hate Mike for wanting to kiss guys? No, don’t be ridiculous Mike.

Quite frankly, he found kissing Dustin just as gross too, he just wasn’t as dramatic about it. And obviously he wasn’t homophobic, and Dustin wasn’t either. Though as of now, it remained true that the only boy Mike wanted to kiss was Will. That was the only person he wanted to kiss, actually.

He must’ve zoned out, because by the time he was looking back at the circle again, the bottle was already spinning, with Lucas hovering above it. His turn. The bottle started to slow near Mike. ‘Please, not this again’, he silently thought, not letting it show on his face.

Fortunately, the bottle did not stop on Mike, and kept on going for almost another round. Unfortunately, it came to a halt in front of Will. Of course. Mike couldn’t make the bottle land on Will, but Lucas could. Just his luck.

“Pucker up Will,” he joked, doing a kissy-face and leaning over towards him. “I don’t know if I’ll be as good of a kisser as Carlton, but I can try.” He joked, earning a small hit to his shoulder and an eye roll from Will.

Carlton was a sore subject to Mike. He clenched his jaw and bit his tongue, holding back from making a snarky remark. Almost as if a reminder for Mike to relax his face, Max nudged his leg with her knee, shooting him a look.

Mike looked at how Will leaned forward too, and Lucas cupped his face with his hands, pressing a kiss onto his lips, and holding it for a moment. He finally pulled away with a smack! sound, and smiled. That was a very Lucas thing for him to do. 

The game continued on, and after each person went, everyone started laughing hysterically almost every time. Dustin got Lucas, who definitely did not match the same energy Lucas had when kissing Will. He quickly got it over with and then wiped his lips, like he did with Mike. He knew it was all for show though, he wasn’t legitimately grossed out by it.

The four boys had known each other since elementary school, there wasn’t much they wouldn’t do for each other, so giving another one a peck was not going to kill anyone. Dustin only liked pretending that it would.

Then, El spun the bottle. It landed on Mike. They gave each other a quick kiss, not even pretending to be bothered by it. They did date for two years, so a closed mouth kiss long after the fact wasn’t going to hurt anyone. It just felt— normal.

You would think that after breaking up, he would feel no spark or meaning to the kiss. And yeah, that was true, he definitely didn’t. The thing was, he wasn’t sure if he ever did. He can’t remember the last time he kissed a girl and actually felt something. He probably struggled to find a memory of it because none like that existed. He never felt anything more than mere satisfaction for any girl that he ever kissed.

Just the thought of kissing Will probably made him feel more than he ever did actually kissing anyone. He wondered how he ever thought he was straight. It was kind of funny now. Not once he remembered why.

He never thought he was straight, per se, he just thought that was the only thing he was allowed to be. If you weren’t straight, you were wrong. You were broken. Mike didn’t want to be broken. So he never applied himself. He never entertained the idea of being gay, not until tonight, because that was off-limits. That would mean he was all of the things his father hated. He was all the slurs people threw around for fun.

Robin’s words replayed in his head. It’s not wrong. You aren’t breaking any rules. If it feels right to you, that’s all that matters. And she was right. Who cares what others think of Mike? Who cares what his dad thinks of him? He was going to college, he was an adult. He didn’t have to live under the same roof as his parents anymore, so it didn’t matter what they thought of him.

Though if he ever came out to them, he really hoped that they would support him. Sure, he didn’t technically need their support, but it would be nice to have. It would be nice to be accepted by his parents for something he couldn’t control.

At some point, more drinks were brought out. Max pulled out a bottle of tequila from her backpack, and they had brought two six-packs of beers from the garage earlier, which they had convinced Steve to buy for them. Well, Dustin convinced him. He had a certain charm, they all said.

Mike was on his first beer, and he could already feel his sobering-up process erasing, falling back into his tipsy habits with each sip he drank. Everyone was drinking though, they were just having a good time.

The next spins had been fairly uneventful. Will got Max, and they kissed with no problem. They were good friends anyways, and he was sure they had already kissed at parties for ten bucks on numerous occasions.

He wasn’t quite sure why people would pay to see an openly gay man and a woman kiss, but people were entitled to their opinions, and the two usually used the money for the rest of the group's benefit too, so Mike wasn’t complaining.

Max spun Lucas next, and Mike was placed awkwardly in between them as they kissed. Of course, seeing as they were an actual couple, it was more than just a peck. He allowed them a few minutes before butting in a pushing their pair apart, murmuring something about ‘no fucking in my basement’. Max and Lucas did not like that comment.

It was Mike’s turn, and he got Max. Great, absolutely amazing. Though it could’ve been worse. They could’ve been playing this game twenty-four hours prior, before Mike’s amazing gay-awakening, which Max knew about. He wasn’t exactly sure when she found out, or if he even told her, but she knew. He was positive about that.

So now, the two just burst into laughter, partly because of the situation, it was like another Will-and-Max thing, that only the two of them knew. It was also partly because they were the drunkest in the party by far. Not even a competition, actually. Mike was just a lightweight, but Max had been downing shots of tequila all night. She could drink a lot before getting drunk, but even she reached a limit, and that limit was about two shots ago.

Mike pulled Max in by the shoulders, and she pulled him in by the neck, and they smacked their lips against each other. It was about four seconds until they pulled apart and both fell to the floor with laughter. They were the only ones laughing, as of now, because everyone else was just confused as to what was going on.

The two had never been particularly close, originally Mike hated Max, and he was pretty sure the feeling was mutual. However, he only hated her because he knew that both Dustin and Lucas had a crush on her when she first moved to Hawkins, so he just assumed that Will did too. He wasn’t sure then how they correlated, but Mike was pretty sure he had an idea now. 

Lucas spun next, and got Mike. Of course, he made the same big show he did with Will and Dustin, because he wouldn't be Lucas if he didn’t. Mike found it funny though, so he didn’t mind. It actually made him happy, how open he was to kissing another guy. He didn’t act like it was this crazy thing that would send him straight to hell, he just had fun with it. And Mike appreciated that.

It was Dustin’s turn again, and the bottle landed in front of Max. Both of them rolled their eyes, but he gave her a quick peck, doing the same grossed out act he did with the boys. Mike knew that was because there was only one person here he actually wanted to kiss. The whole reason he was playing the game for.

Speaking of which, “El, it’s your turn,” Dustin offered a smile, patting her shoulder. She flinched, but relaxed into the touch, and he left his hand there. She spun the bottle hard, eyes fixated on it, waiting to see who it would land on.

Finally, it stopped, and as if it were fate, it landed directly in the middle of Dustin. Max and Mike exchanged a small grin, happy for their friends. None of them were sure if El and Dustin had kissed before, they wouldn’t be shocked if they had, but they wouldn’t be shocked if they hadn’t either.

“Are you okay with this?” Dustin looked to El for reassurance. She gave him a small grin, placing her hands on his waist.

Dustin asked, which was basically saying that it meant something. It wasn’t like how Dustin had kissed Lucas or Max, this was different because it was El. They were both confusing people, but Mike was ninety percent sure that they liked each other.

El hesitantly leaned in, initiating it. She had spun the bottle after all, so technically she had to kiss him. Dustin leaned forward a little bit too, eyes darting down to her lips. El finally closed the gap, and they kissed. Really kissed. Not a fake peck, and it wasn’t just for the game either. The game just gave them an excuse to do it, to kiss with no consequences, and no feelings admitted yet.

Mike knew that, because that was what he was hoping for with Will. He needed to know what it felt like, but he didn’t want to pour his heart out if the feeling wasn’t reciprocated. That was… too much for Mike. He wasn’t sure if he could handle that quite yet.

After a couple of minutes, Dustin and El pulled apart, their cheeks both matching shades of tomato red. The rest of the group started whistling, whooping, clapping, and cheering, which they did not appreciate very much. Dustin started cussing all of them out and Mike was pretty sure that El used her powers to hit them all with pillows. Scratch that— he was positive that she did. Despite the chaos, Dustin and El were still holding hands, and neither of them let go of the other’s.

“Come on Will, it’s your turn.” Lucas shouted over everybody, making the room fall back into the silence. The only sound to be heard was the glass bottle spinning against the wooden floor.

As the bottle started to slow closer and closer to Mike, he felt more and more anxious. He wanted— needed, to kiss Will, he knew that and still thought that. But as the chances of it actually happening got higher and higher, his nerves were rising quickly.

Because what if it actually happened? What if Will liked it? What if he didn’t? What if Mike liked it too much and couldn’t stop? What if he just kept on kissing Will when he actually didn’t want to? What if he was actually imagining Carlton instead?

God, the stakes were high. But if it was good, it would be so good. Amazing. Perfect. Fantastic. Any other synonyms for those words and more. It would be everything. Everything good in the world. It would make everything worth it. This moment, his lips, his touch.

Then, the bottle slowed. It was somewhere between Max and Mike. Out of the corner of his eye, Mike swore he saw Max shoot El a look and mouthed something, though the interaction took less than a second. Then, the bottle seemed to get one final push, and it landed on Mike.

Holy shit. This was it. Mike was going to kiss Will. This is what he had wanted for so long— even though he only realized it a few hours ago, he knew he always wanted this. His heart rate quickened, and he wondered if anyone could hear it.

Mike was frozen in place, waiting for Will to come up to him. He would make the first move, if he was even capable of moving. The second the bottle teetered towards his side, he had lost all ability to use any of his limbs. 

“I’m not kissing Mike.” Will broke the silence, along with Mike’s heart. What? What did he mean? Why didn't Will want to kiss him? What did he do? He blinked, keeping his eyes closed for a second, because if he didn’t, the tears would fall.

“What?” Mike asked, voice quiet. It was almost like a plea. Please, Will. But no, he couldn’t say that, because that would make it obvious. Obvious that he had been looking forward to this moment for who knows how long.

“I said I’m not kissing you, Mike.” Will’s voice was soft, it wasn't harsh. It wasn’t sweet either, though. Just… soft. Nothing else to it. And for once, Mike had no clue what Will was actually thinking.

“Come on, Will. It’s just a game.” Max argued, not in an angry way, but in the same way Mike had just spoken. She knew how much he wanted this. She knew how he raised his hopes just to have them shattered. She knew that it hurt.

“Exactly, it’s stupid.” Will said firmer now, the softness in his voice fading. He got up from his spot on the floor, grabbing his beer too, taking a long sip from the bottle. “Sorry— it’s just, can we do something else? Watch a movie, maybe?”

Everyone was confused, but agreed. Mike was still frozen in place. Not in anticipation this time, but in shock. He was worried that maybe Will wouldn’t like the kiss, but in no world did he think that Will would just… not kiss him. 

If he didn’t like it, maybe it would because Mike was just a bad kisser. It didn’t mean that Will didn’t like Mike, there would still be hope. But no, he wouldn’t even kiss him. That meant that Will had no interest in him whatsoever. He hated Mike, probably.

It shouldn’t be a surprise. Obviously he has no attraction towards Mike, and the thought of kissing him would gross him out. It was dumb, really, how Mike thought he even had a chance with Will. He was making out with Carlton the whole night, for god's sake. It would never be Mike, it never has been, it isn’t right now, and it won’t ever be.

“Mike,” Max whispered, catching his attention. “I’m sorry.” She had no reason to be sorry. But she had the same hope that he did, they both really thought that this would work out, even though neither of them had said it.

“It’s not your fault. You can’t make him kiss me.” He mumbled back, getting up from his spot on the floor, and joining everyone in front of the TV.

Will sat on the left end of the sofa, leaning up against the arm rest. Dustin and El took the beanbag chair next to him. Max practically sprinted to sit on the right end of the sofa, and when Lucas tried to sit next to her, she pushed him away.

“Wheeler’s sitting next to me,” she stated, patting the seat for him to sit on. He was confused at first, but with the way she was spread out on the seat so there was barely any space left, Mike had a pretty good idea of what she was trying to achieve. “Lucas, you can sit on the armchair.”

He let out a scoff in protest, but one more look from Max and he was practically running over there. Mike rolled his eyes at her before taking his spot in between her and Will. They were close. 

Max was sitting criss-cross, and her knee was digging into Mike’s thigh. In attempts to get more comfortable, he scooted over closer to Will. Too close. Their thighs were lined up, pressing against each other. Mike felt warmth where the contact was. He wanted to move, he didn’t want Will to feel awkward and he knew that he probably didn’t like it anyway. But for some reason, he could just not bring himself to move, and Will didn’t either.

‘Okay, this is fine,’ he thought. He could do this. He could be this close to Will for the entire night and be completely fine. It was just contact, they had been closer before. This was normal for movie nights, they were always up against each other, usually under a blanket.

“Can we watch Back to the Future?” Dustin asked, grabbing the remote. He turned on the TV before he started looking for the movie disk. He finally found it and took it out of the case, holding it up.

“Nobody wants to watch that stupid nerd movie besides you.” Max commented, grabbing the DVD from his hands. He let out a sigh, before plopping back down into his spot.

“Guys wait, I kind of want to watch Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. I think I brought the movie over here one time, it might still be here.” Will said after a moment of silence while everyone was thinking of movie ideas.

“Isn’t that movie bad? Or cheesy?” Lucas asked skeptically. “I think we should choose something else.”

“Yeah, same. My mom watched it once and I saw some of it, but it didn't look too interesting.” Dustin agreed, already looking in the DVD box for another option.

“Come on, it’s a good movie, you just have to watch it all the way through.” Will argued, though he was already giving up.

“Maybe we can watch it another time, just the two of us?” El offered, reaching up from her seat on the beanbag and brushing his arm.

“No!” Mike shouted, jumping up from his spot on the sofa. Everyone snapped their heads over to him. Okay, so he didn’t mean to say that out loud, or make such a big deal of it at least. “I just mean— I’ve been wanting to watch it too. Plus, it’s my house so I get the final say in what we watch.” He explained, looking for the movie in the box.

He finally got out the DVD and put it into the TV, and it showed the opening scene. He hadn’t actually wanted to watch the movie, he wasn’t even sure what it was about, really. He kind of remembered Will ranting about the movie one night during his eighteen month long stay at the Wheeler house, while Mike was droning off. 

One he turned back over to the sofa and got closer, he caught Max mouthing ‘real smooth’, to which Mike responded with ‘shut up’. Yes, that was not very casual, but subtlety was not one of his greatest traits, and he never claimed it was.

The opening credits played, and everyone shuffled in their seats. Dustin’s hand tapped against his bottle of beer, and El repositioned herself on the beanbag to be closer to him. Max was still shoving into Mike, in attempts to get him and Will even closer. Lucas was looking at the screen, keeping his eyes wide open, trying to stay awake. Will was painfully still.

Mike had known all of this, because he had been looking anywhere besides where he and Will’s thighs were still touching. If anything, they were pressed closer than before, thanks to Max. He could feel it, he could feel the warmth and the pressure, and they way he was comfortable there, next to Will.

He wanted to be comfortable like this more. He wanted to be able to be close to Will without worrying about crossing the imaginary line he had set for himself. He wanted to watch the movies that Will wanted to watch, just so he could see him happy. He wanted all of it. He wanted Will.

And it was so obvious that Mike couldn’t believe that he hadn’t realized this years ago. How clueless could he have been? He was stupid, but not that stupid. It had him thinking, maybe he had always known. Maybe he dated El to distract from that idea, and he had put distance between them while he was in California for that reason too. 

Maybe all of it was intentional, but he just hadn’t known. Was that possible? Had he hid his feelings from himself so well that he didn’t even know they existed? Or was he just so insanely drunk that he was coming up with all of these crazy theories that weren’t actually true? Was he looking for an excuse?

Either way, he wasn’t going to let that happen again. He wasn’t going to try and minimize his feelings so much that they disappeared. He wasn’t going to hide them so well that even he didn’t realize them. He was going to tell Will. Tonight. 

It would be easier if he was drunk, right? You get honest when you’re drunk, or at least Mike did. But at the same time, you just say things without thinking twice, or again— at least Mike did. This would give him the confidence he needed.

Really, the second he realized his feelings for Will, there was no backing out. Mike was adamant. And Will would never be the type to hate Mike forever after this, after he rejected him.

Shit. Mike didn’t think about that. What if Will didn’t like him back? Or worse, what if he did? That wouldn’t be worse, per se, but what would that mean? Mike hadn’t even considered that as a possibility up until now. Nothing ever went his way, so why would it now? 

Mike wasn’t sure he could deal with Will not liking him back, but he wasn’t sure if he could deal with the latter either. Of course he wanted his feelings to be reciprocated, but what would happen if they actually were?

Okay, he had to stop thinking about this, or else he was going to psych himself out. He just had to do it. He couldn’t look back, and he couldn’t look forward either. Look in the moment. That was all he had to do, he had to focus on what he was saying, and think about Will’s reaction to it after the fact. After he got his words out.

He was really going to do this. He wasn’t going to back out, not like his brain had subconsciously been making him do for the past years. He was done pushing down his feelings and praying that they would go away.

𝜗𝜚

The movie was about one hour in— not that Mike was paying attention, anyway. Lucas was long gone, passed out on the arm chair, head tilted back and lightly snoring. Dustin and El were curled into each other on the beanbag, fast asleep. 

Max had migrated from the sofa down to the mattress on the ground about twenty minutes ago. Despite the space that had opened up on the other end of the sofa, neither Mike or Will moved. Technically, Mike would be the one to have to move, but he obviously didn’t, and Will didn’t seem to mind.

In fact, they had started sharing a blanket, like they always did. So it wasn’t out of the ordinary for them, but it still felt different. Now that Mike knew he had feelings for Will.

Will was engrossed in the movie. He was leaning forward a little bit, squinting at the screen, trying to read the tiny captions. His shirt was caught in the blanket and riding up a little bit, revealing a sliver of his back (not that Mike was looking, of course). He looked… beautiful. Perfect. Kissable. He looked like Will. 

He hadn’t realized that he was staring until Will looked over to him. “Mike?” He nodded his head, snapping out of his momentary haze. “Are you okay?” Will asked him, cupping his face in his hands, a concerned expression on his face.

Mike hadn’t realized he was crying until Will wiped his cheeks with his thumb. “Yeah,” he thought about how sweet Will’s voice was now, in comparison to when he said he wouldn’t kiss Mike earlier. Then it was cold, he didn’t care. Now he did.

“No, you’re not,” he persisted. Shit. Mike was crying even harder, thinking about that whole spin-the-bottle thing from earlier. He wasn’t sobbing, not really. It was silent, he wasn’t shaking, the tears were just rolling down his cheeks. 

It was dark, Will shouldn’t have been able to even notice it, but he did. Because he always did. “Yes, I am.” He said again, trying to stop the tears. He couldn’t control them, despite how hard he tried.

“You can tell me, Mike. We’re best friends, you know that.” His voice was even softer than before. Best friends. That was the problem. Mike didn’t want to be best friends, he wanted to be more, but they never would be, because that’s just how it was.

“No, I can’t.” Mike knew he had to tell Will, but in the moment he felt like he couldn’t. More tears fell. Will wiped them again, and again, and again. Until his thumbs were wet, and then he wiped Mike’s tears with the rest of his fingers.

“You can tell me anything. I promise, it’s going to be okay.” He whispered, pulling Mike closer. 

He didn’t mean to be a crybaby, he really didn’t. It was just hard to tell Will. Not when he looked like this, not when he looked so concerned. Mike was about to say something that would ruin their friendship.

No, like Will said, it would be okay, no matter what. They would work through it and it would be okay. Once Mike confessed, he could move on. He could get past his feelings, and everything would be fine. This was for the better.

It must’ve been about two minutes before Mike said something again. He said the thing. Not exactly, but it was close. “Why didn’t you kiss me?” His voice was quiet and hesitant, barely even audible.

“What?” Will replied at the same volume, in the same way. Mike knew Will heard him, by the way his expression faltered for a split second, like he was processing. Thinking. He wished he knew what he was thinking about.

“Why didn’t you kiss me?” He repeated, louder than the first time, but still hesitant. He wasn’t sure why he repeated it, he didn’t need to. But he was trying to confirm it himself; make sure the words sounded right. He was being careful. 

Will didn’t respond. He dropped his hands from Mike’s jaw, but that was it. Mike should’ve taken that as a sign to stop talking—that this was already going to end badly—but he didn’t. He just made it worse, he kept on talking, this time less guarded and less careful.

“In spin the bottle. You kissed Max, you even kissed Lucas,” his voice broke, tears falling and not stopped by Will’s hands, “but you didn’t kiss me. You wouldn’t kiss me. Why didn’t you just kiss me?” His voice cracked at the ‘why’, and again at the ‘me’.

“Mike,” Will finally responded, voice soft and unsure.

But he didn’t stop. “You were supposed to kiss me. We were supposed to kiss. I mean why do you think I played the game in the first place? So I could make out with Lucas? No. I wanted to make out with you, Will.” 

His hand flung over his mouth so fast it was almost comical. Crap. He was not supposed to say that. If he had said kiss it would’ve maybe had a chance at being excusable and a fun friend thing. But no, his dumb ass decided to say make out. Friends didn’t want to make out with each other. 

Will mouth dropped open. Great, he noticed Mike’s slip-up (not really, seeing as he did want to make out with Will) too. “I don’t understand. What do you mean wanted to—”

“I—” He closed mouth. Then he opened it. Then he closed it again. He took a deep breath, trying to figure anything to say beside the bare, raw, truth. There was nothing. “Fuck! I wanted to kiss— make out with you, Will!” He said, probably a bit louder than he should have.

“I still don’t get it.” Will finally replied, after letting the words float in the air for a minute.

“There is nothing more to get. I wanted to kiss you then, and I want to kiss you now.” He paused, allowing time for Will to do or say something. He didn’t. “I just—shit.” He choked on his words. “I want to kiss you so bad.”

Will tried to read Mike’s face, like he was looking for some secret message written in his eyebrows or on his lips that said ‘just kidding!’ in big bold letters. They weren’t there, because Mike wasn’t joking.

Then, Will’s mouth curled into a smile. It was small, more like a smirk, if anything. Mike’s stomach twisted. It felt like he had been waiting for an eternity, but like no time had passed at all either.

“I still owe you a kiss.” Will finally said, cautiously, like one wrong word would cause everything to fall apart. Like there was an invisible string tying Will and Mike together, and they each had a pair of scissors in their hands, and a big sign between them telling them to ‘cut the rope’.

Will saying that was like him ripping that sign in half and tossing the scissors on the ground. Mike was the only one holding the scissors now; the only chance of that string getting cut. Mike wasn’t going to cut it, he never would.

“You do,” he replied, his tears fading into anticipation for what was going to happen. He didn’t allow himself to get his hopes up; not yet at least. What if Will was just teasing him, to see how far he would really go? No, he wouldn’t do that.

Will leaned in closer, maybe two inches. He was being careful, waiting to see if Mike would back away. He didn’t. Of course he didn’t. Why would he? This was the only thing he could think about the whole night. Will’s lips on his. And now, it was finally happening.

Then it was Mike's turn to lean in further, nothing much, just a few more inches. He was sure that Will could hear his heart pounding, picking up with each second, as the tension between them increased.

Will knocked his nose against Mike. He wasn’t even aware that they were that close until he felt Will’s breath against his face. He shuddered, feeling the warm air hit his skin.

The two were always close; they grazed arms all the time, when they were younger they held hands, and they bumped knees almost every time they sat down, with how close they always scooted their chairs to each other.

But this was a new kind of close. It was different, their lips were an inch apart and they were so close to doing something that would change their friendship forever. But it was for the better, Mike had always known—deep down at least—that this is what he wanted.

“Mike,” Will whispered, so quiet it was almost a breath.

“Yeah?” Mike asked, eyes still closed, still leaning closer.

“I— we can’t do this.” He stated, voice low but sure. He meant it. And seconds later, the warmth was gone. Will pulled away a little, he was still close, but not in the way they were a minute ago. There was just barely a safe amount of distance between them, like it was intentional, like if they were any closer Will would pull Mike back in, but he didn’t want them to be further apart than this.

“What do you mean?” He stammered, forcing himself not to reach out and grab Will and kiss him until he couldn’t breathe. No. He doesn’t want this, and neither should you. But he did want it, and that was the problem. “You don’t want to kiss me?” His breath was shaky, and his tears started to form in the back of his eyes.

“I do,” Will whispered, voice breaking. “That’s the issue.” He placed his hands on Mike’s shoulders and squeezed them once.

“I…” He choked on his words, “I don’t understand. You want to kiss me, and I want to kiss you, so why aren’t you kissing me right now?” It was stupid, Mike could’ve chosen better words, but only the word ‘kiss, kiss, kiss’ was replaying in the back of his mind, over and over again like it was stuck on a loop.

“I know,” Will nodded, a tear dropping down onto Mike’s jeans. He moved his hands from his shoulders down to his biceps, keeping a firm grip on them. “I know that’s what you want now, but you’re drunk Mike, okay?”

“What does that have to do with it?” Mike knew exactly the problem with it, but he wasn’t going to let go that easily. They had already crossed the line, and they weren’t going back.

“You want to kiss me now, but who knows what you’ll want to do in the morning? Who knows if you’ll even remember this.” Mike knew it hurt Will to say that, by the way more tears dripped down from his face.

“I want to kiss you now,” he paused, trying to find the right words, “and I want to kiss you tomorrow, and the day after, and the month after, the year, two years, five years, ten years. I never want to stop kissing you.” He grabbed Will’s hands from his shoulders, and took them in his own hands.

“Great,” Will cleared his throat, and pulled his hands away from Mike’s. “You’re a horny teenager and experimenting with your sexuality. Do that with someone else, Mike. Not your best friend.” He seemed hesitant to let the words flow out, but he let them.

How could he get this so wrong? “Why don’t you understand?” His voice broke. “I don’t want to kiss anyone but you. This whole night has been torture for me, I’ve been watching you make out with fucking Carlton and I’ve just been wishing it was me the entire night.” His head dropped, sobbing.

“Mike—”

“No, it’s my turn to talk now. Then we get here and we’re playing spin the bottle, and I have to watch you kiss literally everyone but me. Then—finally—the bottle lands on me. It’s my turn to kiss you. But you don’t want to. So I just think ‘what is so wrong with me?’ Why are you trying to find reasons to not kiss me? It’s so obvious that I—” he stopped.

“That you what?” Will asked, voice guarded, the question barely there. He was scared to hear the real answer, he was scared for Mike to say something that he couldn’t take back. Will knew what he was going to say, but this was his opening to back out, to say some bullshit excuse and move on.

But Mike just couldn’t do that. The half cut-off sentence was still lingering in the air, the words too far for either of them to reach out and grab. Too far out and too intense to just take back. “I love you,” he choked out, “I’m in love with you.”

“That’s not fair.” Will pulled away. He broke the string. Not with scissors, he didn’t need them. He just jerked away with such force, and that was all it needed for the string to break. 

Mike backed away in fear too. What did he just do? He thought the line was already crossed when they almost kissed, but if this was him actually crossing the line, then what was going on earlier? Was this too much? Did Will just want to kiss him, and nothing more, if even that?

“What?” Mike finally managed to say through tears. Because what else could he say? Why wasn’t it fair for him to love Will? 

“You can’t just decide that you love me and then act on it five minutes later. That’s not how it works.” Will whispered, looking at Mike through glassy eyes.

“I didn’t decide five minutes ago,” he swallowed, trying to keep a steady voice. “I think I’ve always known, deep down at least. And it’s not fair for you to keep doing that either.”

“Doing what?”

“You keep on giving me these mixed signals. You said you wanted to kiss me, Will. You leaned in. Not me, you. And then you pulled away. You said that we couldn’t do… that. But you stayed. You kept on talking to me, and you still are. But then I confess to you, and you’re gone again. You’ve distanced yourself.”

“I’m keeping space, it’s safe. You’re drunk and saying all of these things, and I’m… never mind.”

“You’re grossed out.” And it finally clicked. Will was grossed out by Mike. Not by him being gay, obviously not by that. But by him thinking of Will in this way. And it was gross. That was his best friend. “By me. You’re scared of me,” his voice broke at ‘scared’ and ‘me’, as he pointed to himself. “I’m creeping you out. I get it. I’m not supposed to be thinking these things about you, or any guy. This isn’t normal. It’s not okay. It wasn’t supposed to happen. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I’m so—” he choked over his words, “so sorry for letting it happen.”

And he was crying again, harder than ever. He wanted nothing more than to collapse in Will’s arms, or even his mom’s. That was what he always did when he felt like this— broken, unsure, terrible. 

Will must’ve known, because two seconds later he was being brought into his arms. He rubbed Mike’s head as he rested it on his shoulder, wrapping his own arms tight around Will’s body.

“You’re not gross, Mike. You know that I would never think that about you for anything. I’d be the last person to judge you, and you know that.” He whispered into Mike’s hair, voice soft and comforting.

“Then why are you pushing yourself away from me?” He asked, not being able to hold it back. He had already come completely undone in front of him, so why not humiliate himself by asking more questions?

“Because… you’re questioning yourself and your sexuality right now, and you’re confused. You need time to process. I’m giving you that space you need. You don’t have to love me.”

Mike pulled apart from Will’s arms, sniffing and wiping his eyes, so he could look at him clearly. “That’s the one thing I’m sure about. Look, I might be discovering myself and these new feelings, but I know that I’m in love with you, and I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.”

Will placed a hand on his, “Mike.”

“And I don’t know why you can just accept that. I don’t know why you are trying to convince me that I don’t love you, and I don’t know why you are pushing me away when I’m trying to pull you in.”

“I just—” Will took a minute, he sat up straight and collected himself before speaking again. “For the longest time, I’ve been trying to convince myself that you could never love me, so I’m doing the same to you. But you’re right, I should trust what you are saying.”

“Why were you trying to convince yourself that?” Mike blurted out, stuck on that one part of what he was saying. 

“I thought it was obvious.” Will replied, not in a joking matter. He was being dead serious— he seemed confused, even. What was obvious? What was Will trying to tell him?

“What do you mean by that?” He locked his gaze on Will’s face, trying to read any signals he might be giving off. He had always been expressive, that was how Mike was able to read him so well when they were younger and Will didn’t talk much.

“You know what I mean.”

“No, I don’t. Just say it.”

“Fine,” he took a deep breath and looked down in between his and Mike’s lap, where somewhere in the midst of it all, their hands had found their way back to each other. “I thought it was obvious that I was in love with you.”

Mike’s eyes widened. “I swear to god if this is a joke it isn’t funny! This better not be some sort of prank. Wait, am I being pranked? Is this some huge joke and everyone is going to wake up at start laughing at me—”

“Mike,” Will cupped one side of his jaw in his hand, “it’s not a joke.” He laughed softly, more like a breath. “I promise.”

“You’re in love with me?” Mike repeated the words, like he was making sure that they were real, or that he had heard them correctly. It couldn’t be true. Will couldn’t love him, because when did things ever go his way? 

“Yes, Mike. I’m in love with you.” He smiled, rubbing his thumb slowly across Mike’s cheek. “I have been in love with you for a long time. I realized it when we were twelve, the first time that I saw you after I was taken from the Upside Down. We were in the hospital room and you hugged me, and that was the first time I had truly felt safe in a long time. That was when I knew.”

Mike was crying again. Not from fear or frustration like before, but this time he was overwhelmed, in a good way. He felt so loved and appreciated. He felt like he had a purpose, even if that was six years ago. He kept Will safe then, and he still does.

“I wish I realized sooner.” Mike said softly, more to himself than Will, but of course he caught it.

“It’s okay,” he reassured, wiping the tears off of Mike’s cheeks. “It’s not your fault. Your family probably hasn’t made it the easiest for you to explore things like this.”

That was true. Mike’s dad was always watching the news, listening to all of the terrible things said about gay people, nodding along and adding his own mean commentary. His mom wasn’t like that, but she was more traditional. She always talked about Mike marrying a girl and having kids somewhere in the future. That was the life he had grown comfortable with. He had gotten so used to the idea that he never even allowed himself to consider that there were other options.

But Will didn’t exactly grow up in a loving house either. It was worse, actually. Lonnie was calling Will mean names and slurs before he even knew what they meant, or what the word gay meant, for that matter. 

“You did it.” Mike simply decided on, leaving out the millions of thoughts rushing in his head.

“Lonnie was long gone before I realized. My mom would be supportive no matter what, and deep down I always knew that. I’m pretty sure Jonathan already suspected something before I came out. You have it harder.”

“Still.” He persisted, holding on to Will’s hands tighter. “I wish that I realized sooner, because maybe that would’ve saved me from all the trouble of having to see you kiss Carlton.” He laughed a little, trying to make a joke out of it.

Will smiled, “Don’t forget about Lucas and Max, either.” And soon, they were both giggling, trying their best to stay quiet to not wake up the others.

“I guess you have a lot to make up for, then.” Mike said, in the pause of their laughing fit, when they both had to stop to breathe.

“Yeah, guess I do.” He replied, taking both sides of Mike’s jaw in his hands.

Mike placed his hands on Will’s waist, keeping his grip firm. He leaned in, just a little bit. He didn’t want to rush the moment, it was special, and they had all the time in the world. Will leaned in, his nose almost brushing against Mike’s.

Mike looked at Will one last time for any signs of a joke or hesitation— something telling him to pull away now before he did something he couldn’t take back. There were none.

He finally closed the gap between the two of them, connecting his own lips to Will’s. His lips were warm and soft, and Mike could swear that he felt a spark the second their lips touched. However, almost immediately, he pulled away, scared to see his reaction.

Will barely paused for a second before he grabbed the back of Mike’s head and pulled them together again. He messily pressed his lips against Mike’s, any sense of hesitation or gentleness gone.

Mike gasped into the kiss, but quickly reciprocated the energy Will gave. He was shocked, at first. This whole thing was new to him— first him discovering that he liked Will, then seeing him kiss Carlton, and then Will being distant during the car ride home and the game, and now this. Now Will was actually kissing him back. 

This was everything he wanted. Always. He never wanted anything else. Anyone else. Maybe it took him a minute to realize that, but now he didn’t know how he could’ve gone over a decade without finally understanding his feelings for Will, or without knowing the feeling of Will’s lips on his own.

Because now that he did know, he never wanted to go back. He never wanted to go back to when he was repressing his feelings for Will without knowing it, and especially not back to all of the times that he ignored him for El, or for anyone else.

Without warning, Will pulled away from the kiss. Mike desperately tried to pull him back in, to kiss him again, but Will held his face and put their foreheads together.

“Will?” Mike whispered, desperate to know what was going on.

“Mike,” he replied firmly. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he said quickly, but even he could tell that his voice sounded shaky, even if he didn’t know the reason why. “Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re crying.” Shit. Mike was crying again. And the stupid part was that he wasn’t even sure why. He was happy, really, truly happy. “Do you— do you not want this?”

“What? No, Will, I want this so badly. You don’t even know. I—I was just thinking… I’m so sorry for how I treated you. You know, that summer and then when you moved to California. I was a total asshole and I never really told you why.”

“It’s okay, Mike. Really. That was so long ago.” Will nodded, wiping Mike’s face, reassuring him, though there were tears in his own eyes too. “But if it helps, you can tell me now.”

“Yeah,” He cleared his throat, in an attempt to calm himself down. “Yeah, okay. Shit, um,” tears were already welling back up in his eyes again, “uh I think that that summer before high school was when I first realized that I loved you, not in the way that I loved Lucas or Dustin. I mean, I couldn’t really tell, but I think that deep down I knew.”

“Oh.”

“But I also knew that it was wrong— that was what my dad always told me. I know now that there isn’t something wrong with me, and it’s not gross. But I didn’t know that then, because there wasn’t anybody to tell me that it was okay.”

“I would’ve told you.”

“I know. But I was scared to talk to you, that’s my point. I was subconsciously avoiding you because I thought I was protecting myself. I thought that those feelings would go away and everything would go back to normal, but they didn’t. They never went away, and they never will. And I know that it’s a shit excuse and that I did a shitty thing, but I’ll never stop apologizing for it. It was stupid of me to think that I could ever push down my feelings for the rest of my life and they would just magically go away. I don’t think that I could ever stop loving you.”

Will let out a small, breathy laugh, almost like he couldn’t believe it. And maybe he couldn’t. Mike couldn’t either. He felt so complete now that he had confessed, and they had kissed, actually kissed. Maybe this was what Mike had been missing all his life. Maybe this was why things never felt truly right with El. She wasn’t Will, nobody ever could be, and that was all that Mike wanted.

He pulled Will in again, crashing his own lips back into his. Their noses knocked, and it hurt Mike— so it must’ve hurt Will too, but neither of them cared. They were caught up in the moment, pressing their mouths against each other, not stopping to breathe. 

Mike didn’t want his lips to leave Will’s for one second. He had already gone all of his life without that feeling, so he didn’t want to waste any time. He pulled Will impossibly closer, threading his hands through his hair.

The kisses got sloppier, only pulling away for a gasp of air when absolutely necessary. Mike tugged on Will’s hair. Hard. In response, he bit Mike’s lower lip, causing a muffled sound to come out from the back of his throat. He quickly stifled it, remembering that he was quite literally in a room with all of his friends.

Will took Mike’s brief moment of distraction to slip his tongue into his mouth, and Mike had to force himself not to let out a similar noise again. Will moved his hands from Mike’s neck to his chest, and then to his hips, travelling his hands up and down.

Mike tugged on Will’s hair harder, seeing as he liked it the first time. He gasped and pulled away from Mike. Shit. Was that too much? Was he going too far? He was such an idiot, he ruined it. That was a psycho move, they had barely started kissing fifteen minutes ago and were in his basement with all of their friends around them.

But then, Will moved his head down and kissed the sensitive spot right behind Mike’s ear. He let out a sound he didn’t know he was capable of making, and immediately clasped his hand over his mouth, looking around the room, but no one had even stirred.

Will pushed him backwards down onto the bed, and climbed over him. Will’s pupils were blown out, and he was flushed. His hair was slightly sweaty and sticking to his forehead, his lips were red and swollen, and his clothes were rustled. He had never looked hotter.

Before he could say anything, Will threw himself on top of Mike, and brought his lips down to his neck, his breath hot against Mike. He pressed open-mouthed kisses, before sucking and biting down on one spot. then another. And then another. Mike tried to stay quiet, and for the most part he was successful.

Mike wasn’t exactly sure what to do, so he just did what he thought was right. He moved his hands out of Will’s hair and ran them down his back, before finally finding the hem of his shirt. He slipped his hands underneath, his cold hands making contact with Will’s warm skin. 

Mike wasn’t aware that Will was so experienced; more experienced than him, even. Though after El, he never really got close to someone. And he never even went that far with her. They had made out tons, sure, but never anything else.

He wasn’t sure what Will did with other guys and quite frankly, he did not want to know. He couldn’t help but feel a little jealous, though, even though he was the one Will was on top of right now— which was still a crazy concept to Mike. 

Finally, Will collapsed on top of Mike, their heavy breathing filling the otherwise silent room. Will adjusted himself on top of Mike, and slipped over onto his side, smushed between Mike’s body and the back of the couch. He had thrown one arm lazily over him, and Mike did the same, and Will had also moved one of his legs over him. His head was resting on Mike’s chest.

“Hey Mike?” Will whispered once their breathing had finally settled down and the room fell back into silence.

“Yeah?” He hummed, rubbing circles with his thumb on Will’s hip.

“I don’t think I could ever stop loving you either.”

Then, Will’s breathing slowed and fell into the same rhythm it always did when he was asleep. Will cuddled up against him, and Mike absentmindedly threaded his free hand through his hair. Eventually, Mike fell asleep too— sleep came easy when the only person he had ever loved was laying on top of him.

And for once in his life, Mike Wheeler was finally getting everything he wanted. 

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