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Everyone assumed Allison could see in colour, not only because of her impressive lipstick and nail polish collections, but because she didn’t exactly hide she wanted everything to be pink.
Being with Seth made her feel relatively happy and safe despite knowing Seth still saw the world in black and white. She’d known her soulmate was on the Foxhole Court when she stepped onto it and saw the bright orange surrounding her. It was okay, soulmates weren’t supposed to be perfect all the time.
She didn’t exactly know why her thing with Seth was so complicated, though, since he was her soulmate and that should’ve made things easier. Both of them had problems and she believed for a while it had to do with that and she imagined it was normal since she didn’t have a lot to compare it to.
Allison didn’t care that much about soulmates in general, though. She was grateful she’d found hers because it had the potential to be fun but without noticing it had taught her to avoid spending too much time with the same person knowing she didn’t want to keep them from finding theirs if that was what they wanted. It’d happened a few times and that’s why she wasn’t good at relationships, maybe that’s what she was supposed to do with Seth too, but Seth told her he didn’t care.
But then Seth Gordon died. He’d died and she’d kept dancing in the middle of dance floor with one of his friends while the colourful lights swirled around them. She’d drunk a blue cocktail and smeared her dark red lipstick on a napkin. The shock and sadness the foxes saw on Allison afterward wasn’t only related to losing Seth, but to the fact every time she looked at Renee she could still see the pastel pink and baby blue on her hair and she cried at the sight, she cried so hard she forgot colours were supposed to mean anything at all.
Renee was something else entirely. She was quiet and honest and so positive no one knew how she didn’t get punched in the face at least twice a week by her teammates. She’d done the most Renee thing in the universe when, after a week on the team and hearing they were betting on her, she’d dyed her hair five different colours and walked into the court holding her helmet under her arm to make sure everyone saw. No one asked a thing and she’d run faster than everyone else that day.
No one else asked either when, after Seth’s funeral, Allison offered Renee to re dye her hair.
It was a mystery for Allison too, since she couldn’t imagine who was supposed to be her soulmate, but she hoped that didn’t mean she’d end up like Kevin and Neil, practically wanting to make out with an Exy court.
“Why did you decide to dye your hair?” Allison asked. It was a way to ask about Renee’s past in her words. She never talked a lot about herself, but she was open when people asked.
“Have you ever seen colours, Allison? You know pink’s really pretty, it looks good on you” She said after turning around to look at her. Allison was braiding her hair after having dried it. She’d added lavender this time too, and it matched her shirt.
Allison just nodded and finished braiding her hair before deciding on what to say next. Despite their friendship sometimes it was hard to have a conversation with Renee without getting too deep and she wasn’t in the mood to talk about feelings.
She hadn’t told anybody Seth had in fact never been her soulmate. She still couldn’t accept that and it felt like twisting the knife deeper when she looked back up at Renee’s eyes.
Allison was fidgeting and bouncing her legs up and down. It was a weird thing to see because Allison was easily the most confident woman she’d ever met, and after two glasses of wine she should’ve been at least a little more relaxed. She wasn’t though, and Renee, anxious herself, tried to take the conversation somewhere else to distract her.
The Foxes were still shit at bonding but they were trying and Renee was so proud all of them were okay. Neil was okay, physically at least, and Andrew seemed more himself than in the entire time he'd known Aaron. Nicky looked happier than ever as they all chanted “Queen! Queen! Queen!” at Kevin trying to swallow a least half a litre of vodka in sixty seconds. That wouldn’t end well.
Allison followed her up the stairs after closing the door behind her, with a new glass of champagne. She didn’t feel like drinking, which was weird for a Fox after a bad week.
They sat on the first steps of the stairs, without facing each other. Allison had her hair up in a tight bun and Renee’d asked her to braid hers again after the showers.
According to the noises that came from downstairs Kevin had succeeded. He was a national champion, indeed, Renee thought.
“It’s been almost a year” Renee started. Allison flinched and she licked her lips knowing she would leave if she kept pushing, but she hadn’t even talked to Bee about it and she was worried the anniversary would destroy her willpower. She reconsidered her own thoughts and corrected herself: nothing can destroy Allison Reynolds. “I wish Stephanie was my soulmate. It’s easier when your mum’s your soulmate” She sighed worrying her lower lip between her teeth. “I mean, they’d die before you and you’d stop seeing in colours but at least it wouldn’t… Shit”.
Allison nodded. Shit. Then she knocked back her champagne as a response. Renee didn’t swear that often outside the court. She was strong but delicate and that unique combination made her interesting enough for Andrew. Allison couldn’t express how happy she was they weren’t a thing, for Renee’s sake, of course.
“Sorry” Renee looked at her with one of her honest and bright smiles and she tried really, really hard to smile back but she felt a little heartbroken considering the shade of pink colouring Renee’s cheeks. “It’s just I wish I could find her soon. I mean, I hope they’re a she, because it’d be kinda unfortunate if they weren’t” She said and huffed. Sometimes they forgot soulmates weren’t inherently romantic even though 97% of the time they were. It made Allison’s grip on the glass tighten, because she knew she wasn’t part of the 3% left.
“You wanna know how it feels when your soulmate dies?” Allison asked fearlessly looking at the dark red paint of the walls. She was a mess.
Renee nodded, not feeling brave enough to look at the storm Allison Reynolds really was.
The silence grew heavier between them with the time and Allison breathed in when she felt the lump in her throat threatening to choke back what she’d wanted to say for so long.
“I’ve no idea” She continued with a sob. “I don’t know how it feels because every time I open my eyes I see our ugly ass orange jerseys hanging on the wall and I think of him and it hurts so much because I feel so guilty” Allison stopped and dried her tears. “I should’ve known, but he didn’t mean shit, really”.
Renee looked at her with those sweet eyes of hers. Her fingers squeezed her wrist and it felt like reassurance and validation, something Allison had never needed from anybody else before. For a minute she hoped the world was less intense so she could fucking stop feeling.
“We should go back. There’s more of this inside” Renee murmured taking the glass from Allison’s grasp. She offered her free hand to help her stand up. Allison took it with a thankful smile and followed her back into what had turned into a competition between Kevin and Matt to see wo could drink faster without passing out. Needless to say, Matt lost.
The lights were off. Both of them were already in bed but none of them could sleep. Allison had tried counting sheep but she really hated sheep so it didn’t help.
Dan was out with Matt. They were probably cuddling and watching a stupid romantic movie Allison would’ve hated and she was glad she was at least with Renee because she also hated the dark.
She thought of the time Renee had talked about her past and what made her a fox and how she’d never been scared of her knives. She knew she could kill her, but she also knew she carried a cross with her everywhere that kept her grounded. She didn’t believe in god herself but she smiled every time Renee held her hand and asked if it was okay to pray for her.
She wasn’t afraid, if anything she was curious.
“I think it’s you” Renee said out of nowhere, startling her. “The first thing I saw was the court, we were waiting for you but it never made sense until now” She explained. Allison had on idea how Renee sounded so calm.
She’d come to the same conclusion after a while but she didn’t want to talk about it, or at least she didn’t know how to start a casual conversation about it, something Renee totally mastered. It meant too much.
“Okay” She answered breathing shakily. She’d no idea how to continue the conversation, actually.
She’d no trouble thinking of it, really. She’d dated women before, she’d never loved any of them though, but then again she’d never sincerely loved anyone but her team and Exy.
She thought of the rest of the foxes and how the others had always known. Nicky and Erik were perfect, really. Dan and Matt were both boring saps and Andrew and Neil were so weird it was obvious they were made for each other. She thought she was gonna get sick and ruin everything.
“I think I like you. Like, like you” Allison continued from her bed. She felt ridiculous for someone as brave and strong as she was. “I’ve thought about kissing you for a while” She added, voice weak and words barely out there. She wasn’t embarrassed but something about Renee’s slow breathing made her feel so small.
“Who’s stopping you?” Renee asked turning to face Allison from her own bed. She herself felt like she was coming apart with every second that passed with Allison’s eyes on her. The cross felt heavier in her sweaty fingers.
“Shit” Allison whispered before making the decision to get out of bed. It was cold and the moonlight made Reene’s figure look dreamlike with her white hair looking brighter and her tired yet soft eyes so focused on her as she followed her steps.
She made no sound as she sat on the edge of the mattress, waiting for Renee to make room for her. “Okay, nothing’s stopping me” She added before shifting closer to Renee’s body.
She cradled her face in her hands and got her loose strands of hair behind her ears before leaning down.
It was quick, soft and sweet at first. Then it became slower and warmer and she felt Renee smile into the kiss when their noses bumped. It was uncomfortable and clumsy until she gave up and got under the blankets next to Renee to keep her as close as she could.
Allison believed she’d lived it all, but nothing felt quite like her soulmate smiling to her in such a loving way. She pressed a soft kiss to her cheek and reached for her hand.
The next morning they felt infinitely proud of themselves because Dan was the only one who’d noticed something was different and had thrown her arms and racquet up, shouting “Finally!”