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“I don’t want to go home.”
“But you have to go home.” Taerae replies from beside Matthew on the couch.
They’re together at Taerae’s house. If Matthew’s not in his own house, he’s at Taerae’s.
“I…” Matthew wants to retort back, but he can’t think of anything clever. “Hmph.” He crosses his arms with a pout.
“Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t want to leave. It’s really fun being with you.” he sulks.
“You’re silly. Then come back home again tomorrow,” Taerae laughs at Matthew’s demise.
“Like I’ll stay over today? Do you think we can do that?” He perks up.
“Oh sorry. You can come back to my home again tomorrow,” Taerae corrects. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Matthew sighs. He finishes his afternoon snacks, care of Taerae’s mom, before waving goodbye to walk to his own house.
Matthew comes over to Taerae’s house. To Taerae’s surprise, Matthew’s dad is with him.
Taerae greets them both at the door and calls his own mom and dad.
They scurry to the living room while Matthew’s dad and Taerae’s parents take a seat in Taerae’s dining area.
Matthew sniffles a bit. He’s not in the mood to play video games with Taerae. Taerae wonders if he’s sick.
“Taerae,” Matthew says, his voice soft. His round cheeks puff up more as he pouts. “I’m moving back to Canada.”
The news breaks and it doesn’t register to Taerae. Matthew begins to cry. He grabs the box of tissues, surprised to see the outburst of tears from his friend. He’s never seen Matthew cry.
“I’m scared.” Matthew whispers, hoping his dad won’t hear. “I have to go to a new school in a new country. What if they don’t like me?” Matthew’s voice gradually gets louder with his emotions. “I’m gonna miss all my friends. I’m gonna miss you.”
Taerae feels his eyes water. Matthew leaving still doesn’t register yet. He’s sad seeing Matthew sad.
Matthew’s dad and Taerae’s parents join them in the living room when they hear Matthew’s broken voice. They explain as much as they can, promising that they’ll do everything in their power to keep them friends.
“I’ll write to you.” Taerae says. It’s a clumsy promise that he keeps. He’s heard people say it in TV shows. He knows his uncle wrote letters often for his aunt when he was in the military. He can text Matthew everything.
“I’d like that.” Matthew hiccups, sniffling up his snot. He had his first and only smile that day.
When Matthew and his dad wave goodbye and Taerae watches them walk away. Only then does it register to Taerae.
Matthew’s leaving home.
Matthew texts him after his dinner time, right as Taerae pockets his phone to teach his afternoon classes.
01:37PM r u free for a call later after work?
01:37PM i’ll be online! just call me once you’re available!
Taerae feels his phone buzz while in front of his students. He peeks at the notifications while his students pack up and the next class filters in the music room. What does this mean? He wants to reply back, but he doesn’t think the 10 minute grace period between classes would help his curiosity with Matthew’s texts. He repeats his lecture for his next set of students with his phone heavy in his back pocket.
He packs up his bag and heads to an empty bench. He settles on the seat to check on the time on his lock screen. It’s 4:42PM and 12:42AM in Vancouver.
He opens his phone to call Matthew, looking for his earphones while the caller ID rings. He picks up after four rings.
“Taerae, you’re here!” Matthew’s voice lights up his dark image on screen.
“And you’re awake.” Taerae scolds, plugging in the earphone jack in his phone.
“I waited for you.” He excitedly whispers to his phone. “T, I’m going home.”
Taerae gets caught off guard with the admission. “You’re just going home now? Is that why it’s so dark? What are you doing out so late on a Thursd– Wednesday night?”
Matthew laughs at Taerae’s concerned expression. He flicks on his bedside lamp. Taerae knows the green wall behind him, he’s in his room. “Taerae. I’m going home,” his tired eyes and wide smile stare at Taerae’s face on screen, “to Korea.”
Taerae doesn’t know what to say. He stares at his best friend and his handsome smile waiting for him from across the screen and across the world. “For how long?” is all he can ask.
“I’m staying. I’m going home for good.” He says louder, firmer, prouder.
It’s dramatic to say tears fall from Taerae’s eyes or that his hands shake in excitement, it’s unlike him to indulge in dramatics. But he feels the pinch of his chest and the tightness in his throat, he knows his own stubborn personality is no match for his honest feelings.
“Don’t cry. You’ll make me cry.” Matthew gently laughs, he’s watching Taerae intently.
“When?” Taerae can’t form any more sentences. He’s afraid to speak too much and bawling on campus where any of his students can catch him.
“Hopefully in 2 months. Yaeby and I have been discussing this together and we fixed up all the plans with Mom and Dad,” he explains. “I’ll tell you all about it another time, but yeah. I’m finally coming home.” His cheek is pressed against his hand, Taerae’s eyes are too blurry to notice the tear streak on Matthew’s hidden cheek. “I can’t wait to see you.”
“You still have to wait 2 months.” Taerae tries to deflect, too shy to admit the same.
“Just say you’re excited to see me too.” Matthew laughs and yawns behind his hand.
“Fine,” Taerae smiles fondly at the screen. “I’m excited to finally see you again.”
Matthew weakly pumps his fist up, his sleepy smile charms Taerae into staring longer.
“Go to sleep, it’s past your bedtime.” Taerae looks at the time and he immediately mentally converts it to Vancouver time. 1:09AM, that’s too late for him. “You should’ve called me in the morning.”
“I wanted you to know as soon as possible.” He slowly blinks. “You’re the first one to know.”
Taerae would tease him more. Scold him for staying up, bicker about how he sleeps late and Matthew wakes up early, complain about how this could have been a text, but he doesn’t. “Thank you.” He whispers. “Now go to sleep. I’ll see you soon.”
“Yes, sir!” He closes his bedside lamp. Taerae can still hear his clothes rustling in his earphones. It’s almost a black screen if it wasn't for the light from Taerae’s background illuminating Matthew’s sharp features. “Goodnight, Taerae. Get home safe.”
“Goodnight, Matthew. I’ll text you.” Taerae waves before hanging up.
His phone lays still on his lap. He slouches over and breathes. It’s registering, all sinking in by the second. He’s seeing Matthew again.
Taerae’s family car is parked beside the car of Matthew’s uncle at the airport parking lot. He’s waiting patiently at the arrivals bay with him. Taerae’s shaking hands are tucked deep in his hoodie’s pockets as he watches the real-time flight updates screen.
Matthew’s uncle grabs Taerae’s attention with a cough. “Yaebin just texted, they finally landed after a few minor delays.”
Taerae lets out a relieved sigh, unaware of the breath he was unconsciously holding. His gaze goes back to the arrivals bay. He knows that there are still a few more layers of flight routine to pass through, but he doesn’t want to miss them when they pass through the gate.
He notices a new influx of people coming out of the gate, mostly foreigners with travel bags and neck pillows. As more passengers exit from the gate, he notices two familiar figures carrying their backpacks and luggage. Taerae and Matthew’s uncle wordlessly move closer to the end of the waiting area, greeted by two sets of bright smiles.
Matthew and his sister go straight to greet their uncle, letting go of their luggage to give him a hug. Taerae watches the heartwarming sight from a short distance. Matthew’s uncle points at Taerae and the two turn to his direction.
Matthew rolls his luggage with him towards Taerae, stopping right in front of him suddenly. “Taerae,” he greets with a hesitant smile.
“You’re finally home.” Taerae says in a loud enough whisper for the two of them.
“It’s so great to see you.” Matthew replies, awkwardly standing in front of Taerae.
They both stand there in short silence, both in disbelief that they’re actually across each other. Matthew’s grown so much since they last saw each other. They meet eyes comfortably and maybe Taerae can admit that he’s grown as well.
Taerae takes a step forward. Matthew smells like stale airplane air, but there’s a lingering waft of a strong musky perfume when he moves to comfortably adjust his hold on his luggage.
“Let me help.” Taerae offers to carry one of his bags as they walk to his and Matthew’s uncle’s cars. He grabs one of the handles of Matthew’s bag and rolls it ahead of him to direct the way. It’s heavier than he anticipated. He politely greets Matthew’s sister when he meets eyes with her. and the four of them head towards the two cars to get out of the busy airport.
When they reach the parking spots, Taerae unlocks his trunk to accommodate Matthew's three bags. Beside them, Matthew’s uncle squeezes in Yaeby’s three bags in his trunk and backseat. With a quick check on Taerae’s phone GPS, his uncle leads the convoy to his house.
Taerae gets in the driver’s seat while Matthew buckles up in the passenger seat. Yaeby and Matthew’s uncle take his car and drive ahead for Taerae to follow. Taerae’s engine whirrs and Matthew looks out the windshield and windows to the familiar yet new scenery of Korea.
“Thanks for volunteering to drive me from the airport.” Matthew says suddenly, eyes on Taerae.
“It’s no problem. I could’ve driven both you and noona, but your uncle insisted on splitting the efforts.” Taerae replies casually, eyes focused on the road.
“Look at you, so responsible and cool. Who are you?” Matthew teases, giggling at Taerae’s indifference to his own care.
Taerae thinks about a clever response. Kim Taerae, 23, Korean, Single; Taerae · Honda Civic Fifth Generation 2015 · 경기14버281; ducktaels 02 MINORS DNI, Tobiya Lv.24, Diamond Tier. “I’m your best friend.” He says simply, his dimple peeking in Matthew’s view.
“You really are.” Matthew says back, looking back at the view. He sees his uncle’s smaller car weaving through the road while Taerae stays on the same lane. He realizes that Taerae doesn’t need to completely follow his uncle, comfortable behind the wheel to navigate new places on his own. Since when was Taerae so cool?
He continues to quietly watch the road while observing what he can find in Taerae’s car. He fiddles with the stuff neatly scattered in Taerae’s car. He notices a familiar item peeking from Taerae’s wallet thrown in the car’s cupholder. It’s the kotsu-anzen omamori they bought together years ago. Taerae’s is red, while Matthew’s is purple. Matthew smiles at the sight, he doesn’t comment on it just yet.
They enter narrower streets full of small buildings and walled houses. Taerae shuts off his GPS and focuses on following the small car in front of them. He slows down when the car parks in front of a gate, and he takes the closest vacant spot in front of it to park his own car.
“Matthew, wake up.” Taerae gently shakes his leg, waiting for Matthew to blink his eyes open.
“Shit, sorry. I guess I’m still tired from the plane ride.” Matthew apologizes, stretching his limbs in the small space of the passenger seat. His face scrunches into a tight pout as he relaxes his muscles before unbuckling his seatbelt and stepping out of the car.
“Come on, your uncle and grandma are waiting for you.” Taerae steps out of the car to open the trunk and pull out Matthew’s luggage. They’re heavy, he can feel his arms give way in the few seconds he carries it from the trunk to the ground. Matthew steps in to grab the last piece of luggage and he easily lifts it out of the trunk and onto the sidewalk.
“Thanks, T.” He smiles, still groggy from sleep. He carries his giant bags, two at a time, inside his uncle’s house. He’s really strong, even if he walks like a penguin as he easily lifts the luggage on both sides with a backpack slung on his back. Taerae rolls the last piece of luggage near the gate and he closes the door of his trunk.
Matthew walks back to Taerae and rolls the luggage to the doorway. Yaeby’s already settled in and she greets Taerae properly.
She greets Taerae with a handshake. “Thank you for always being here for Matthew.” She pulls him in for a hug, rubbing his back in familiar warmth. “You’ve gotten so much taller and more handsome. I remember when you were shorter than me! I can’t believe it’s been years.” She groans into the hug, swaying him side by side. When she pulls away, he notices Matthew standing awkwardly beside her, still enjoying sight.
Yaeby waves Taerae goodbye and enters the house, leaving Matthew and Taerae alone. Matthew doesn’t know if he should come in for a hug too. He hasn’t really held Taerae at all ever since he landed. What’s there to do? A handshake, high five, a fist bump?
“Do you want to come in for some water? Use the restroom?” Matthew offers, motioning at the direction of his uncle’s house.
“I’m alright. Don’t keep halmeoni waiting.” Taerae shakes his head. “I’ll go back home, spend time getting rest with your halmeoni and samchon. I’ll be around, just text me.”
“I will. Are you free this week?”
“My class schedule hasn’t changed. I’m always free on weekends or weekdays after 4:30 or 12:30am for you.” Taerae says naturally, forgetting the geographic circumstances of Matthew’s return. “4:30. I’m free after 4:30. For both of us.”
“I’ll text you.” Matthew states.
“Yeah.” Taerae nods.
How do they end the conversation? Matthew fiddles with his own hands, while Taerae jingles the keys between his fingers. They don’t want to leave or separate, but it’s awkward and weird. Has it always been this weird?
“I’ll go.” Taerae finally says, bowing lightly at Matthew’s direction and taking a step back.
“You… go do that.” Matthew points finger guns and takes a step back to the house gate. “Be safe going home.”
“I’ll let you know when I get home.” Taerae reassures.
“Bye! See you!” Matthew finally says, waving until Taerae is out of his field of vision.
He goes back inside and sighs in bittersweet confusion. He’s happy to be home, finally seeing his extended family and his best friend again. It’s all so new to him.
“Matthew, what was that?” Yaeby asks in almost disgust, watching over the two from the doorway.
“I don’t know.” He sighs, flopping to the floor to unpack his belongings from one of his suitcases.
Taerae parks at a nearby convenience store to buy a can of soda and to use the restroom for his drive back to his home. He stares at the dirty tile of the urinal wall as he takes a piss. What was that?! He sighs, tidying himself up and washing his hands before grabbing his drink and going back to his car. He continues his drive, shaking off the cringe of his actions with Matthew.
Taerae last saw him six years ago. They planned a trip to Japan together with their families.
Upon landing in Japan, the two families settled into their hotel rooms. They put down all their luggage and met up at the lobby to gather and have lunch together.
Taerae wears a small backpack throughout the whole trip, carrying his valuables and necessities with him for easy access.
He’s the most excited for the vacation, he was looking forward to being with his best friend again for four days. He always imagined what it would be like to be with Matthew again after being apart for so long.
Meeting up with Matthew at all was a Hail Mary to Taerae, so he thought it’s time to confess. It’s been years apart, but in the end, it’s still only Matthew.
It feels like he has so much to say to him and he didn't know how to say it. He hopes that he could find the right words to convey his thoughts to Matthew, whether it's about the crush he knows is brewing in him or simply an honest admission that he misses him.
Maybe it would get Matthew to return home to Korea with him, what a thought.
He tries. He looks for the words. He hoped Matthew would come around to it.
In the sushi restaurant where Matthew set reservations at, he and Taerae sit beside each other with Yaeby across them. Both of their parents sit at a different table beside them.
Taerae digs through his bag and settles on a pouch he specially packed for Matthew. “For you,” he hands it over. “I got you a bunch of stuff from home. Mailing it would be too expensive, so I just held onto this until we saw each other again.”
Matthew happily thanks him. “I have stuff for you too, but it’s in my suitcase. You can pass by my room later! It’s a lot of stuff.” He looks through the items in the pouch: some snacks with his favorite anime characters on the packaging, a keychain that looks like his dog Teddy, an empty travel notebook with an orange pen, and other small things that Taerae thought suited Matthew.
Their order of a sashimi and nigiri platter is placed in the middle of the table. It’s perfect fuel before they shop together at Akihabara. Yaeby takes photos of the platter before they dig in.
“I can’t believe we’re having sushi in Japan together. We haven’t even had a meal together in years and this is how we finally see each other again.” Matthew comments happily, taking a piece of sliced yellowtail from the platter.
Taerae wants to laugh at Matthew’s enthusiasm, but there’s a mild sting with Matthew’s casual words. ‘Why did it take us so long to meet up again?’, ‘Don’t you have any more plans to visit us at home?’, ‘Will it take us years to have our next meal together again?’. Taerae feels himself tighten up when his final unconscious thought verbalizes in his head: ‘When do you plan to come back home?’
Taerae instead nods at his best friend. He takes a piece of shrimp, shutting himself up.
Matthew’s growing up. He’s lost a lot of his baby fat from his new sports, now he’s a lanky teenage boy. He styles himself differently with his hair in a tall and fluffy undercut, cool buttoned shirts, and ripped skinny jeans. He’s much tanner than before, he finds some blemishes and scratches littered around his body. Matthew looks like all the photos he sends over, he’s exactly the same boy in their video calls. But, he’s different.
Taerae wonders if he’s grown up enough too.
He can barely travel on his own without his family. He wonders if he’s not maturing at the same pace as Matthew, a tad bit too slow to grow together. He’s still chubby, his thick round glasses adorn his face and give him his nerdy appeal. His hair is still in a bowl, the same cut and style as when he was a middle schooler. He still enjoys his simple shirts and jeans in bright colors, he always liked the statement-factor of them.
Matthew graduated last month and has plans for university soon. Taerae still has one more year left of high school, delayed from the inevitable difference in Korean and Canadian school systems. But when Matthew proposed the plan to visit Japan together as a graduation gift, Taerae couldn’t waste the opportunity and he asked his family for an early graduation gift before his senior year even began.
So there they are, meeting up again after 4 years, in a foreign land to them both.
“You know, I’d have sushi with my friends back at home. I always order sashimi and some of my friends find it so weird, like I don’t get it! It’s good! Right, T?” Matthew engages in small talk using his bites of fish to point at the platter and exaggerate his stories.
“Right.” Taerae agrees, listening to his stories. “Hoe is so common though, isn’t it? My noona used to order it often when she wanted to drink, but mom also prepares it at home on random dinners.” He adds.
“I’m jealous, it’s so different back at home. My friends don’t get it. I’m glad you do.” He smiles, taking a large bite of sushi topped with toro. “I wonder when we’ll get to hang out like this again. We still have a few more days before you go back home.” He muses, thinking about the next plans on their itinerary.
“Matt, smile.” Yaeby suddenly interjects, raising her phone to capture a photo of the two boys in front of her. Matthew smiles coolly, while Taerae smiles with a natural shyness to him. They don’t realize it, but it’s their first photo together.
Matthew waits for his sister to send him the photos through Facebook Messenger. “I can’t wait to show these pics to the guys back home. They’re gonna be so jealous.” He chuckles.
Taerae realizes the life he’s taking from Matthew. He’s expecting Matthew to come back to Korea for him. He’s long desired for his best friend to come back home, but Matthew’s home is across the globe from him. Of course Canada is home for him. He’s happy and flourishing, he’s growing up well without him around.
He’s tethering Matthew to a home in Korea that doesn’t exist.
It’s a painful reality check in the middle of a sushi lunch with both their families. So he leaves that thought to marinate in his head. He’ll enjoy the rest of his time with his best friend. He doesn’t think there will be another chance for him to enjoy his time with his best friend.
On his way back to his family’s hotel room carrying their bags of loot from Akihabara, Taerae joins Matthew to his room to get his gifts from Canada. He has a package of maple cookies, American exclusive versions of his favorite artists’ CDs, and cool trendy accessories Matthew thinks would suit Taerae.
Taerae has one last thing to give Mathew, but he holds on to it for the right time in the trip. He thanks Matthew with a sincere smile, already wearing a braided bracelet that matches with Matthew. He leaves and walks to the elevator to go up to his room.
Time flies when you’re having fun, and Taerae savors all the fun he could have with Matthew. He believes this trip may be his last.
On their second day, Matthew brings Taerae and both their families to a shopping district. He has a knack for travelling and navigating his way foreign places, even without knowing the language completely. Taerae’s bag gets heavier with each day of the trip.
The following day, they visit a shrine. They pray, wash their hands, walk around the brick paths, and buy omamoris. Matthew and Taerae find a wall of wishing plaques, and they write their own wishes for the gods to possibly grant. Taerae places his on the wall, obscuring it behind a blank plaque to hide it from Matthew’s eyes. Once Matthew was done writing his wish and placing it on the wall, they both headed out to continue their makeshift tour.
On the final day, Taerae found a scenic park to spend the day slowly. It was his only request for the whole trip. He wanted a peaceful walk around gardens, benches to sit down and take in nature, and a boringly safe enough spot for his family to opt out of the plans to leave the two boys alone. He didn’t bring a bag anymore that day.
Taerae takes a glance at Matthew, and the sun blinds him even in the shade. He knows how bright his best friend is, he’ll bask in it today.
If Taerae could slow down time and make the day last more than 24 hours, he would take it. Maybe that should have been his wish for the gods. But it wasn’t, and the sun sets as they ride a bullet train back to their hotel.
At the hotel lobby with the sun still rising, Matthew opens his arms to invite Taerae in for a hug. “I’ll see you again, Taerae,” he says, wrapping his arms around his best friend. “I promise.”
Taerae doesn’t believe him. “You know where to find me.” He doesn’t know how to hug back, but his head tucks into Matthew’s shoulder for a moment. He’ll remember that scent and the texture of his cotton shirt against his nose.
They pull away, and the two of them part ways. Matthew’s family have an extra week left in Japan to visit his grandmother’s sister, while Taerae and his family went back home to Korea.
Taerae removes his bag and leaves it on the floor of his room. The thin envelope inside his backpack weighed heavily on his shoulders.
In Taerae’s bedroom, he holds on to the tub of hair gel he took from his dad’s medicine cabinet. He won’t take too much, his dad won’t notice.
He passes the gel through his hair, it's much stickier than he thought. He tried to add texture to his wavy hair, separating the sections into a shaggier and voluminous look.
His hands are coated in styling gel and he can feel the difference of his new look. He feels cooler, almost sexier.
He grabs his phone to send Matthew an update. He wonders if Matthew would find it cool too. His lockscreen opens to show the time. 7:35PM, it’s early morning across the world. It’s alright. Matthew doesn’t need to know every little thing about Taerae.
He puts down his phone to check the sides of his hair. He looks good, he doesn’t need Matthew to tell him. He’ll buy his own tub of styling clay next time.
Taerae goes shopping for new clothes. He saved up his allowance for a wardrobe refresh. He knows it’s nothing major, but he thought it’s time to expand his clothing options and get in with more trends.
He was going to do it alone, but Hanbin wouldn’t let this opportunity slip past his fingers.
They enter some stores to flit through the options. Taerae still gravitates to staples like casual shirts, jogger pants, and button down shirts, and Hanbin approves of each pick. He got appropriately fitting clothes, Hanbin didn’t let him drown in his clothes anymore.
In the dressing room of one store, he sees the great difference of a nicely snug dress shirt on him. He doesn’t look like he’s playing dress up in his dad’s closet anymore, instead he simply looks handsome. His hair is in place with his new habit of applying a bit of hair gel. The spikes and volume adds to his new and improved confidence. He isn’t exactly confident yet, but he can feel himself getting there.
He grabs his phone to take a photo on the dressing room mirror for his own record. He unbuttons the shirt and rewears the hoodie he was wearing going to the store.
“I’ll get it. It fits nice.” Taerae says, walking with Hanbin to the counter.
“Good. You can finally wear a proper shirt to your church gigs.” Hanbin tuts.
Taerae rolls his eyes at him, but takes no offense. He’s heard everyone’s complaints about his fashion, he just never cared. He does now, somehow. Maybe this is an effect of puberty.
“You took a while in the dressing room,” Hanbin comments while Taerae pulls out his wallet. “Did you send a pic to Matthew?” He nudges Taerae’s elbow with a cheeky grin. “Does he like it?”
“No, I didn’t,” Taerae replies too defensively for Hanbin to not notice. “He’s probably asleep right now,” he softly follows up while counting his change.
“Did you two fight? You’ve been different since you went to Japan.” Hanbin grabs the shopping bag from Taerae’s hand and carries it for him.
“We didn’t fight. Nothing changed,” Taerae says and Hanbin doesn’t believe him at all. “Well, he changed a lot, but not in a bad way. We’re still the same.”
“You’ve changed a lot too in all the years he was abroad,” Hanbin simply says, facing the street they’re walking. “Your friendship with him is admirable and your crush on him is pitiful, but you’re also your own person too.”
Hanbin walks into an athletic store without turning around. He knows Taerae is following him. He beelines towards a bright red, structured, tracksuit jacket. It matches the black jacket he’s already wearing at the moment.
When Taerae finally caught up beside him, he drapes it over him to see if it’s a good fit. When Hanbin sees that it fits Taerae too well, he takes it away and buys it without Taerae’s input. He uses his own money, even if he warned Taerae that he’s not joining in on the shopping spree.
“What was that?” Taerae asks him, confused at the speed of his friend’s purchase.
“A gift,” Hanbin hands the bag to Taerae. “From me to you. I may not be a best friend to you like Matthew is, but I’m still your best friend. You should have good things just because you deserve them.”
Taerae loves him, sincerely and completely. He’s lucky to have Hanbin.
“I even got it in bright ass red. It’s so obnoxiously you.”
Taerae smacks his arm with his large hand. Hanbin soothes the slapped area, a little surprised at Taerae’s natural strength. Taerae happily laughs as he exits the store.
He goes home and puts his new clothes in the laundry. He’ll use them eventually.
Taerae carries his guitar to church. He waits for the other members of his church to show up. He likes being early, so he doesn't mind waiting.
He strums a few notes, playing a familiar hymn that he can play thoughtlessly. He switches to a pop song melody with his acoustic guitar. As more people walk through the church doors, his fingers continue to pluck the strings at a steady rhythm.
His mind wanders off. He naturally hums a bit, and his words form in his head.
He jots down some words on the margin of the sheet music he doesn’t use. He strums lightly, finding a melody that suits the thoughts in his head. He can still feel the spots on his hand where Matthew’s fingertips grazed against his skin.
The lyrics suck, but the melody has promise.
He did say he’ll write to him. He doesn’t have to actually let him know about what he’s written.
He flips the pages to the song he has to play for the afternoon’s worship.
A few days pass and Matthew doesn’t hear from Taerae. It’s not wrong, he’s not obliged to message him everyday. But, he doesn’t like it.
good morning~~ 08:12AM
i hope ur doing ok 08:12AM
u havent been texting 08:12AM
just wanna make sure ur safe 08:12AM
Matthew gets dressed for a workout. He’s been enjoying the time to be more active in the morning. He puts on his shoes and goes for a jog before heading to the community gym. He runs and thinks about what he wants to eat for brunch when he returns home. He wishes sweet potatoes were as good as the ones from vendors in Korea, the local ones just don’t hit the same. Chicken breast used to be so accessible in convenience store packets; he never bought them back then, but he always thought it was cool.
u should eat a sweet potato today 08:31AM
i want a roasted sweet potato… 08:31AM
He continues his jog, the bright sun rays kiss his skin without it scalding. He finishes his workout and goes home to boil a chicken breast and an orange sweet potato.
[image attached] 11:54AM
its not the same :( 11:56AM
03:02PM lol good morning
03:02PM im ok, sorry school has been busy
03:03PM dont worry about me too much :)
have a good day today!! 03:05PM
i’ll always worry about u!! 03:05PM
you’re my best friend!! ^__^ 03:06PM
Matthew hopes he isn’t overbearing. He’s never had to worry about that before.
He doesn’t think too much about the sudden awareness he has of how Taerae can perceive him. It’s normal to care about his best friend. It’s normal to miss his best friend.
07:20PM [image attached]
07:20PM tada~ goguma~
07:20PM its my lunch
IM SO JEALOUS!!!!!! 07:21PM
07:21PM its really not that great
07:22PM [video attached]
“its really not that great” and u send me a video of u taking a scrumptious bite 07:23PM
what did u do to ur hair!! i like it 07:23PM
is that a new jacket? it suits u 07:24PM
u look like a sexy church oppa 07:24PM
anyone ur trying to impress? 😏07:24PM
07:25PM gross dont call me sexy and church oppa in the same breath
Matthew grins to his phone. He hopes Taerae ignores the question, a silent hope in his tummy. He can’t place why, he’s the one who asked but he doesn’t want the answer (unless the answer is ‘no’).
There’s unfinished paperwork and a few open tabs on his desktop that he doesn’t want to think about for now. Right now, he’ll enjoy a taste of home through his best friend on his lunch break.
Taerae misses Matthew. He always does.
They have years of distance where their texts always share a form of ‘I miss you’ dropped in the middle of conversations, and it was never a surprise. But today, in the middle of their regular chat, Taerae can barely hover over the send button.
02:05AM oh t, are u typing smth?
02:05AM the three dots have been dancing for a while
weird 02:07AM
i think the app glitched 02:07AM
Taerae couldn’t press send, but his thumb easily deleted the typed out message. Something feels emptier inside, but he’ll attribute it to sleepiness instead of an ache in his chest.
02:08AM lmao kkt has been glitching so bad recently
02:08AM we can always move to telegram!!
absolutely not 02:09AM
He can hear Matthew’s giggles from an ocean away. The thought of Matthew laughing with him in the early morning quells the dull ache. He closes his phone, not bothering to end the conversation. They’ll talk again when he wakes up and it will pause again when Matthew goes to sleep.
He shuts his eyes, so he can be with him in his head and in his dreams. It’s the best he has.
Taerae’s alarm rings and he immediately grabs his phone.
ㅅㅇㅊㅋ 04:00PM
[sticker] 04:00PM
04:01PM ㄱㅁㅇㅇ~
04:01PM right at midnight!!!!
04:01PM ur the first person to greet me :)
of course i am!! 04:02PM
i wont lose 04:03PM
04:03PM there’s no competition against u, taerae
04:03PM ur the best~
now go to sleep, cinderella 04:04PM
u need the sleep, old man 04:05PM
ur already 20 04:05PM
04:05PM im just 18!!
04:05PM well, 20 in korea but i dont think that counts rn
04:08PM goodnight t :)
04:08PM thanks for remembering
lets call this weekend 04:09PM
tell me about your bday celebration 04:09PM
save me a slice of blueberry cake later 04:09PM
04:09PM I’D LOVE THAT
04:09PM I WILL!! even if u dont like blueberry cake
04:10PM i’ll have two slices… my sacrifice for you
04:10PM [sticker]
04:10PM ok really
04:11PM gn
Taerae heads out to go to a nearby convenience store. He skims through the aisles to find a cup of instant seaweed soup.
He has some of the soup with his dinner, his mom questioning the odd purchase. ‘I was just craving some.’ He finishes the bowl of soup, finding it a little too salty and artificial tasting. His mom’s recipe tastes so much better.
Matthew doesn’t even like seaweed soup.
Taerae feels his phone buzz under his pillow. Matthew probably butt dialed him, he knows it’s too early for a call. He’s distancing himself from Matthew anyway, he shouldn’t be answering him at this hour.
The buzzing and rings don’t stop after a while and there’s a feeling in his gut that he should take it. The ringing stops and the guilt of leaving Matthew without a response wakes him up.
He redials the call and hides his face with his blanket. The call comes almost 2 hours before his alarm is ready to blast.
Matthew’s face is shaky on the screen, but he sees a familiar mischievous face from him. He cut his hair again, it’s a lot less tall now and it’s back to his natural black. When did he get a haircut?
“What?” Taerae eloquently rasps, squinting to adjust to the screen’s brightness. His room is still dim.
Matthew switches his camera to the back camera. His body is propped up on a gurney and his leg is elevated on a stack of cushions. The sides of the scene have shelves of medical equipment and an open door showing off a steady road. “I’m in an ambulance.” Matthew laughs to the microphone.
Taerae wakes up immediately. “Is everything alright?!” He can’t do much more, but he still chastises Matthew to no end. He gives him an earful while he watches Matthew’s face return on screen, his annoying smile still plastered on his face. “Please tell me you’re with someone you know right now. What happened to you?!”
“My dad’s here, he’s talking to the EMTs outside. I accidentally dislocated my knee while walking.”
“Walking?” Taerae questions, finding it too good to be true. It’s exactly the time of his usual late morning jogs to the gym.
“Walking.” Matthew confirms. “I brought Teddy and Moongchi out for a walk with Dad instead of going to the gym today. Then I felt my knee buckle, so I just sat on the ground and I didn’t get up. I was too scared of hurting it more. Dad got so nervous! He first called 119 out of panic before I remembered to call 911 myself.” He laughs, sharing the story like it’s a fond memory and not an incident that just occurred.
Taerae stares at the screen in helplessness and confusion. What else can he do other than hope Matthew gets better? It’s not like he can go there or get any more help for him.
“I’m alright, don’t worry. They’ll put my knee back in place in a bit, I don’t even have to go to the hospital.” Matthew reassures. “Sorry, I wanted to call you. I know it’s 5 in the morning. I didn’t have anyone else in mind who I wanted to talk to, well other than 911.”
“You’re in an ambulance with a dislocated knee and you’re apologizing to me?” Taerae scoffs lightheartedly. “At least this is happening before your semester at Western. Imagine if you fucked up your knee on your first week, that sounds horrible.”
“Yeah,” Matthew goes quiet for a bit, “that sounds horrible.”
“So, does that mean you won’t be attending your dance classes for a while?” Taerae sits up and stretches. He doesn’t think he can easily go back to sleep anymore.
“No, I think Dad will kill me if I go to dance class with a recovering knee.” He giggles. They have soft banter for a few minutes before Matthew hangs up at the sight of the EMT and his dad greeting him at the door of the ambulance. Taerae could faintly hear the comforting voice of Matthew’s dad: ‘They’ll put your kneecap back in place and give your knee a supportive wrap. They said they can drive us back home too. Let me know what you want for lunch, I’ll order anything you want.’
Matthew quietly waves at the camera and Taerae waves back, a cue he has to go. His screen goes black and he goes back to sleep.
His alarm goes off, and he closes it before it reaches the second ring. He wakes up immediately and he doesn’t feel groggy. He was on the edge of sleep for the past one and a half hours, ready for a call at any time.
He stands up to get ready to go to school. He heads out the door to catch his bus and he plugs in his headphones.
He dials Matthew’s contact for a voice call. He didn’t bother to text ahead of time. Matthew answers after 2 rings.
“Taerae, what’s up?” Matthew’s voice fills up his headphones.
Taerae puts the mic by his mouth so as to not disrupt other bus passengers. “I’m on my bus. Are you free now?”
“Yeah, I don’t have anything to do anymore now that I’m stuck on the couch.”
“Tell me what happened!” Taerae whisper-yells, too bothered by the incomplete story of his best friend in an ambulance just hours ago.
Matthew chatters through the phone, keeping Taerae company while he walks to his classroom. Before he walks up to his floor, he lets Matthew know that he has to hang up soon. Matthew can faintly hear a voice call out for Taerae with a lilt: ‘Taerae, you look like shit!’. He can hear Taerae reply behind a few muffles, assuming that Taerae wrapped his hand around the mic, ‘Shut up. Wait, I’m on call, I’ll talk to you later.’
“Thanks for keeping me company, Taerae.” Matthew says, content.
“Thank you too. I’m glad you called me a while ago. I’m glad to be here for you, even if I’m far away.” He shyly mumbles to the microphone.
“I’m glad too.” The line goes silent for a moment. “Have a good day! I’ll hang up so you can talk to your friends.”
“You don’t–” Taerae sees the clock and realizes he’ll be late if he doesn’t hang up. “Alright. I’ll text you soon.”
“Looking forward to it. Bye, Taerae.”
“Bye, Matthew.” The line ends on its own, Matthew hangs up for him.
Taerae finishes sitting through all his classes that day. He hears the earful of teases Hanbin has for him littered throughout the day, teasing him for dozing off and spacing out. Taerae doesn’t even have it in him to bite back.
Taerae checks his phone once his final class ends.
03:55PM thanks for being here for me today
03:55PM if ur still in the mood to tell me about ur day after class, i wanna stay up for that
He plugs in his earphones again, waving goodbye to his friends once he reaches the gate of the school. He gets on the bus to get down at a much earlier stop. He presses the call button on Matthew’s profile and Matthew immediately answers the call.
“Taerae, you made it! How are you today? I’m sorry for waking you up so early.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry, I wanted to be there.” Taerae tuts before closing his camera to walk freely while still seeing Matthew’s face on his screen. “So today was so weird. Have you ever heard the echo of your own voice when walking in an empty chapel? At one point, teachers sounded like that…” He chatters on, finding himself home sooner than he ever walked. His walk felt so short with company.
He turns on his camera again to show himself entering his house’s doorframe. “Here we are.”
“You’re home!” Matthew chimes.
Taerae pauses at the words. “I am.”
Taerae often sends Matthew memes and videos he finds funny. It’s the easiest way to keep the friendship alive. He always forgets the time conversion, but he knows that his evenings are Matthew’s sleeping hours.
lol 06:44PM
[link attached] 06:44PM
06:44PM [sticker]
wtf you’re awake 06:45PM
is uni that bad already? 06:45PM
06:46PM heh yeah
06:46PM it is
06:48PM its weird
are u alone? 06:48PM
06:49PM yeah its almost 3am
06:49PM idk who would be w me rn
me 06:50PM
Taerae calls him without a warning. Matthew answers anyway.
Matthew sighs and just talks aimlessly. He talks about nothing in particular. His voice is soft, and he doesn't have anything great to really say. Taerae can barely recognize that it’s Matthew on the other line.
It’s not that this isn’t the Matthew he knows, but that’s exactly it. This is the side of Matthew that he always thought was unknown, the one that didn’t match the happy life he tries so hard to show Taerae, to show everyone.
“Hey Matthew,” Taerae cuts in.
“Hm?”
“You aren’t doing alright.” Taerae states.
“I’m not.” Matthew replies. He won’t lie to Taerae.
“Whatever it is, and I won’t pry, you’ll get through it. Or you’ll get out of it. Whatever applies to you.” He’s sincere.
Matthew wants to be surprised, but he isn’t. Taerae can read right through him, and he’s never been one to hold back his thoughts. He’s not the T he thinks he is. “Are you busy?”
“Just doing homework. Why?”
“Can you keep me company while I fall asleep?”
Taerae turns on his camera, propping up his phone against his desk figure. “Here, watch me do homework. I’ll lend you some of my boredom,” he giggles gently.
Matthew turns his camera on as well, but he’s in the dark. Taerae can only see his cheek against his pillow and his half-lidded eyes. He isn’t sure if it's a shadow or if Matthew’s developing dark circles.
After his second worksheet in silence, Taerae hears a light snore from his phone. He’s relieved Matthew finally went to sleep. He hangs up after his final worksheet, saving Matthew from draining his phone’s battery too much in the morning.
Taerae receives a link to a Japanese cat cafe website.
02:20PM we should go here next time
02:20PM [link attached]
next time? 02:20PM
02:21PM u know, our next japan trip
when this stupid pandemic is over 02:21PM
let’s plan something 02:22PM
02:22PM really!! you’re down??
sure 02:22PM
idk 02:22PM
who knows anything really 02:23PM
it doesnt hurt to hope 02:23PM
Taerae doesn’t know what he’s saying.
He’s been cooped up in his house for months, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to freely get out. It made him excited at the thought of travelling again and going out. It made him forget that he’s afraid to ever see Matthew again and have to say goodbye again.
Matthew takes the hope to heart.
Taerae opens his email with tears forming in his eyes. He calls Matthew before he can run out of his room to his parents.
“Matthew, I did it. I was accepted into Yongin!” Taerae excitedly says to his phone.
“I’m so proud of you, T!” Matthew’s voice beams, sincerely excited and stoked for Taerae.
Matthew would hug him by now, he thinks.
Matthew closes his bedroom door with tears forming in his eyes. He calls Taerae before he can muster up the courage to face his parents.
“Taerae, I did it. I officially dropped out.” Matthew happily says to his phone.
“Matt, I’m so proud of you.” Taerae’s voice soothes, sincerely relieved and happy for Matthew.
He thinks he would hug Matthew by now.
Taerae stares at the photo Matthew sent. It’s a photo of him with his friends posing together at a beautiful park. They have bike helmets on them and they all show peace signs with evident smiles covered by their masks.
03:10AM [image attached]
03:10AM we’re in Stanley Park
03:10AM #Tourists
03:10AM stanley park is in my city
reminds me of han river 11:20AM
it looks really beautiful there 11:20AM
11:20AM i really wish you could come to canada to see this yourself
u know we cant do that 11:21AM
11:24AM it doesn’t hurt to hope!
But it does. Taerae feels guilty for making Matthew hope. He feels guilty for hoping that they’d still meet again at all.
Matthew receives a collection of photos from Taerae. It's him and his friends at Lotte World together. He’s familiar with a lot of them. He knows Taerae’s Hanbin from elementary school together, but he still has to rack his brain to match the names to the faces, especially while they’re still wearing masks in most of the photos.
11:35PM [images attached]
11:35PM at Lotte World now!!!!
11:36PM Hanbin says hi~
11:37PM [voice message attached]
have so much fun!! 11:38PM
hi hanbin!! its been so long, i miss you guys 11:39PM
11:40PM TAERAE MISSES YOU TOO!!!
11:41PM we all miss you, matthew
11:41PM munjunghyun got my phone sorry lol
do u miss being a high schooler that much 11:42PM
isnt that ur high school uniform?? 11:42PM
i wont judge, i dropped out 11:42PM
11:43PM its sort of like a tradition
11:43PM u wear a high school uniform to feel young again here!
11:43PM and u get a discount
DAMN 11:44PM
dont let me distract you then!! have fun t :) 11:44PM
11:45PM u didnt distract me!! I texted you first
11:46PM goodnight!!
Matthew smiles at the update. He’s happy Taerae and his friends have the time to go out and have fun together. He wonders what it would be like to join Taerae there.
Taerae would be too shy to wear a silly headband in public. He’d probably be afraid of the intense rides. He remembers Taerae being afraid of those things back when they hung out… 8 years ago.
Matthew goes through the photos again and realizes he’s wrong. Taerae and the rest of his friends all don silly animal headbands in their photobooth pictures and their selfies roaming Lotte World. He finds a live update from Hanbin’s Instagram stories showing a video of Taerae and him screaming happily in the pirate ship ride.
He does the pathetic task of imagining himself in the picture. He places himself in the empty space of the photo for him to peek out, in an empty seat at the pirate ship for him to sit and scream along, and in Korea with a grown up, happier Taerae.
He wishes he could contribute to Taerae’s happiness.
They’re still talking everyday. They’re still each others’ best friends. They don’t need to create any unnecessary issues with their distance while it’s all still alright. There are no issues.
They’re a successful long distance friendship—they’ll believe that.
They don’t believe the heavy silence of the message left unacknowledged.
happy new year!! 12:00AM
12:05AM happy new year!!
12:05AM damn, i just woke up and you’re already in 2022
Taerae is ready to greet his family a happy new year as well.
He looks around to find his parents sharing a sweet kiss and his sister and her fiancé pulling away from a kiss as well.
Taerae looks back at the fireworks display on his living room TV.
05:01PM happy new year, taerae!!!!
happy new year!! 05:02PM
05:04PM im finally in 2022 with you :D
[sticker] 05:05PM
He smiles at the message, ignoring the sting. It’s a happy new year.
He’s happy to spend another year with him too, no matter how far.
He’s happy to be with Matthew, even if it’s just like this.
He’s happy! He’s happy.
He was happy.
Taerae’s seated at a cafe table, nursing his almost-empty glass of iced americano. The condensation gets on his hands and he lets it because he can’t accept that his palms are sweaty at the thought of meeting Matthew.
He talks to Matthew everyday. What makes this any different from all his calls with him? He has nothing to be nervous about. It’s just Matthew, his best friend. He’s going to order a natural fruit juice or water and a pastry, he doesn’t remember Matthew being a coffee drinker. He’ll talk about something like ‘Breakfast is the most important meal of the day! I need to keep my gains with organic food for energy!’ or something related to his healthy lifestyle. He giggles to himself as he stares into his cup, already imagining Matthew to be just as he knows.
“What’s so funny about your coffee?” Matthew says, surprising Taerae. Taerae was supposed to stand and greet him, offering a handshake while they’re at it. He had it all simulated and ready to overcome any of the awkwardness like what happened at the airport or at Matthew’s uncle’s house.
“None of your business.” Taerae immediately defends, his smartass persona thankfully taking over before he can embarrass himself. “Have you ordered?”
“Yeah, I hope my coffee’s just as funny as yours.” He snickers, taking his seat across Taerae.
“Coffee?”
“Yeah, I got a brewed coffee and a sandwich,” he rereads his receipt to be sure. “We can share the sandwich if you’d like! Breakfast is important, you need energy in the morning to fuel the rest of the day. I know you probably skipped breakfast again today like you do on most days.”
Taerae is one for two. Wrong on the coffee, right on the breakfast.
The barista comes over to their table to serve the order and Matthew grabs the sandwich. He uses a napkin to pick out the tomatoes from one of the halves to place it on his own. “Here, this one’s for you.”
Maybe Taerae really was hungry, he felt the emptiness in his stomach when Matthew remembered his preferences and he couldn’t even remember that Matthew drinks coffee.
“So, how have you been?” Matthew asks, his hand covering his mouthful of sandwich.
“I think you know more than anyone how I’ve been.” Taerae laughs, accidentally bitterly. “But I’ve been okay. My best friend finally returned to Korea after years, would you believe? It’s been a weird past few days texting him because I still mentally convert the time to Pacific Standard Time. Other than that, nothing new. My classes have been okay. My students are still bored out of their minds and I’m fine with that.” He rambles on, engaging in small talk. It’s like their monthly catch up calls. “And you?”
“Your best friend sounds sexy.” Matthew comments, garnering him a light kick to the shin from underneath the table. “I’m adjusting well! My body clock is adjusted enough to hang out with you finally, and I was able to sign my papers for the lease of my apartment! I’ll move in anytime, Yaeby’s moving to her unit first so I’m letting my uncle focus on her first.”
“I’m always free to help too, so that your uncle can rest too. Just let me know and I’ll work it around my schedule.” Taerae offers.
“I may really take you up on that.” Matthew softly laughs.
They finish their sandwiches and Matthew’s coffee has gone cold. They don’t know what else to talk about, even with their years so far away. They’ve shared every small detail they know to each other, what else can they discuss that isn’t a rehash of old topics?
“Actually, do you mind showing me around?” Matthew asks, ready to head out and walk around with Taerae.
“I’d love to,” Taerae smiles. He’s been worrying too much for nothing.
As they walk side by side, Taerae enjoys the energy of the man beside him. It’s not even his vibe, but the mere feeling of having a body beside him, the kind that he can feel the friction of their outerwear graze. As much as it’s new and odd, it’s welcome.
There are things about Matthew that Taerae never thought about. It’s all simple—barely anything he can recognize from his friends he’s always around—but with Matthew, it matters. He takes note of the small things. Matthew smells powdery and sweet and his breath still has the hint of coffee from their breakfast. Taerae already knows they’re the same height, but he can feel Matthew’s shoulders bump against his as they walk. Taerae can feel his naturally wide frame balance out with Matthew’s stronger build.
But it’s more than what he can sense, Matthew is grown up. He’s a handsome man. Taerae was never immune to Matthew’s charms, but to be so close to him feels like a death wish for his heart.
Matthew chatters about all the things he’s been wanting to do in Korea. ‘I remember back when you…’, ‘You sent me photos in…’, ‘You haven’t gone there yet, but…’, somehow Taerae wonders how much Matthew thought about him too. Matthew probably didn’t think about him the same way Taerae did, but he remembers all of it. Taerae tours him around familiar places and the most important landmarks for Matthew. As much as Taerae wishes he could, Matthew still has to navigate living alone on his own.
“Taerae, that’s your bus stop!” Matthew points.
Taerae wanted to laugh at the random bus stop Matthew probably pointed at, but he cranes his neck to where Matthew’s pointing and it is his bus stop. It’s the bus stop he took back in high school when he’d take the long way home to chat with Matthew for much longer.
“How did you recognize that?” Taerae asks, baffled and impressed.
“Your camera would always pick up this tall building when you’re walking. I’d only see your forehead, coconut hair, and the top of that building.” Matthew grabs his phone to take a photo in the same angle to show Taerae.
“You’re so stupid.” Taerae laughs, playfully shoving Matthew’s phone back into his personal space. Oh, his hands are touching Matthew’s. It’s comfortable, like when they were kids. Damn it, he’s thinking about it. Now he’s too conscious.
They walk towards a crossroad. Matthew casually switches to Taerae’s other side, he’s walking closer to the side of incoming traffic. “So where to next?” Matthew asks with a smile.
“If I knew I’d tour you around today, I would’ve planned an itinerary." Taerae complains, already guiding Matthew to their next stop.
“I have an itinerary, but I don’t want to use it today. You’re not my tour guide, you’re my best friend who lives in the area,” Matthew corrects. “I just wanna hang out with you today. Knowing all the places you brought me to is just my useful bonus.”
As they walk through the park Taerae chose as their final stop for the day, Taerae enjoys the crisp air and the breezy weather. It’s like Japan again, but much lighter. Matthew’s quiet, but Taerae’s comfortable with the silence. They’re both good at enjoying each others’ silence.
Taerae looks at Matthew while they continue to walk side by side. Other than the obvious changes in how Matthew looks and feels like, he’s the same fun kid he always was except with a maturity that grew with Matthew. He’s well adjusted and kind, he always was. He prioritizes those around him like it’s second nature. He’s clumsy and forgetful, but never for anyone else. He acts in a way that reflects his sincere care for whoever he’s with. Taerae’s just lucky that he’s Matthew’s companion for the day.
It’s unbelievable. Taerae is Matthew’s companion for the day. In all the years of wanting this day to come, he spends the very first day with Matthew with no plan. He’s taking it as it is, and it’s perfect.
Matthew is in Korea. His home. Their home. They’re home.
Matthew invited Taerae over to keep him company while he unpacks his things at his new flat. He’s sitting across from him in his apartment’s bare living room. It has a couch from the past owner and a stale smell of dust that hasn’t aired out in months. All his essential items are unpacked in his bedroom, but he still has to wait for a few more weeks to get his boxes from Canada shipped to his new address to really make his flat feel like a home.
Taerae has the honor of sitting on the couch as a guest. Matthew sits on the wooden chair from his dining area. He moved it to the living room to feel a sense of community when he has visitors. It’s only been Taerae, Yaeby, his uncle, and Hanbin, but it’s still an important step in his acclimation to living alone.
“I wanna go to Jeju with you. Let’s go to Jeju once your break begins.” Matthew pouts against the chair’s backrest. Winter break is in a few weeks, so Matthew’s anticipating Taerae to have more free time.
“Matthew, I’d love to. But let’s be a little realistic here,” Taerae begins, focused on his best friend in the same room. It’s still so odd, yet familiar. It’s like a call. “Can you afford it? Jeju’s not as expensive as Japan or permanently moving to Korea, but you know…”
“I still have money saved up from my jobs before moving here! Plus, Hanbin hooked me up with teaching a few beginner classes at his company’s studio. My dance resume and part time gigs in Canada come in clutch.” Matthew explains, taking no offense from Taerae’s question.
Taerae’s hesitant. The rational side of him doesn’t want Matthew to touch his savings, but the illogical side of him would love to have a solo trip with Matthew after all these years. Would it be like Japan? That sounds like fun, but his heart hurts at the thought of that. He can barely visit Matthew without stuttering in awkward attempts to navigate socializing with Matthew as a physical person.
“Fine. We’ll go when I’m on break.” Taerae says.
Matthew almost cheers, but Taerae raises a finger to stop him.
“Summer break.”
Matthew whines in complaint and Taerae can’t stop the wide grin on his face. It’s always fun to tease him.
“If you really want to go to Jeju so bad, go ahead. But I’ll only join you next year.”
“My best friend hates me…” Matthew pouts, standing to mope beside Taerae on the couch. Matthew leaves a foot of space between them, unsure of Taerae’s boundaries.
Taerae pinches his cheek. “You’re such a baby. We can hang out in the city until then. Save some money. Come on, you’re living alone at 23.”
“I’m turning 25.” Matthew corrects, causing Taerae to blink in surprise. Yeah. Korean age system. It’s been abolished for almost two years, but everyone still uses it. He’s surprised with Matthew’s quick adaptation.
“Okay old man, let’s start small while you’re still getting used to it here. Tomorrow after my class, let’s have dinner together, my treat.”
Matthew raises his arms in a happy cheer. His tummy peeks out with his shirt slightly lifting and Taerae has to resist the urge to pinch and tickle him. Hah sure, as if Taerae knows how to even touch Matthew without short circuiting.
“You can also bring some of your papers to grade here. You know you can chill here anytime.” Matthew says confidently with his singular table set up in his empty apartment.
Taerae smiles at the offer still. “Sure, after my classes I’ll go straight here. I’ll grade my papers, then I’ll make sure you’re still in my sight while you fall asleep then go home.” He laughs, but Matthew stares at him with a small smile.
“I’d like that.”
Taerae trips on his own words. He can’t tease him too much. “We’ll figure it out.”
“We’re good at that!” Matthew laughs, remembering their early years of distance.
Matthew just landed in Canada, according to Taerae’s mom. Matthew’s mom and Taerae’s mom stayed in contact to help the two boys still keep their friendship as much as they can. They both sat their respective children down for a serious talk about how their friendship is worth cherishing, but it will be hard with long distance.
They two boys found it silly for their moms to gently explain it to them because they know. They’re 13, they’re not stupid! They got their phones together, they surely know how to use it. They’re in the age of technology, digital natives; long distance is easier than ever!
So, Taerae texts Matthew.
my mom told me u landed already! 10:05PM
10:12PM yeah! i’ll call u when i get home
Matthew does, and it’s a nice call telling Taerae about his plane ride and what he should expect with home and school there.
They had the earful from their parents when they received their phone bill at the end of the month and had multiple, extremely high charges for international calls and texts.
They go on a video call after both getting scolded by their parents. Their parents helped them download Skype on their respective family computer.
“I didn’t think it was so bad.” Taerae complains once his mom was out of earshot.
“I didn’t even know extra charges were a thing!” Matthew agrees, alone in his living room.
They stare at each other through the screen and laugh at their predicament.
They use KakaoTalk to chat now after a bunch of bickering between the two on their moms’ phones blaming the other for the phone charges. Their moms use KakaoTalk.
Maybe they’re a little stupid.
The two take their scheduled weekend call together. They earned personal laptops after graduating middle school, and they immediately downloaded Skype on their brand new laptops.
“Hey Taerae, have you tried using Facebook Messenger?” Matthew offers out of the blue.
“Not really. I made a Facebook when everyone made one, but I don’t really use it,” he shrugs, a little confused by the sudden question.
“Got it.” Matthew nods.
“Why?”
“I use it a lot here with my friends, so I was just wondering if you use it there too,” he explains.
“We can try to find a different app to chat on if you want to. There’s probably something we can both use,” Taerae offers. “We can use iMessage? At least it would work on different devices too.”
“I use Samsung though.” Matthew snarks lightheartedly. “I’m more Korean than you, iPhone user.”
“이 새끼야.”
Matthew flashes his middle finger to the camera with a pleased smile.
“I can’t think of anything else. Everyone I know uses KaTalk.” Taerae says, still thinking about alternatives.
“Yeah, that sounds fine. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right?” Matthew laughs.
“I heard they’ll add a video call feature soon in the next update. We don’t need to use our laptops to call each other, that’s so cool.” Taerae’s eyes widened in excitement sharing the news about the update.
“It’s really cool.” Matthew agrees.
Matthew downloads KakaoTalk on every phone he owns in the next few years. His only contact there is Taerae, and that’s the most important part
01:00AM HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTHEW!
01:00AM [sticker]
THANKS TAERAE!!! 07:36AM
07:40AM lol u really sleep so early
07:40AM u couldnt even wait until midnight for ur birthday!!
i did! 07:40AM
my family surprised me once it was midnight!! 07:41AM
[photo attached] 07:42AM
Yaeby took a photo of the surprise LOL 07:43AM
07:43AM and you didnt reply to me!?
07:44AM Im hurt
07:44AM jk LOL
u messaged me at 1AM!!! 07:44AM
I cant stay up that late :< 07:45AM
07:46AM huh? wasn’t it midnight?
07:46AM im pretty sure 5PM is midnight for you
oh we’re on daylight savings time now!! 07:46AM
So its -1 hour 07:47AM
07:47AM what???
it’s weird… i just follow the rules here 07:47AM
now we have a 16 hour time difference 07:48AM
until november, then its 17 hours again 07:49AM
07:49AM thats confusing
LOL 07:49AM
yeah 07:50AM
07:52AM anyway
07:52AM how will you celebrate your birthday!!
im going to the arcade with some of my friends later!! 07:52AM
07:53AM have fun!!
i’ll tell you all about it when we call tomorrow! 07:53AM
12:00AM HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAERAE!
thanks matthew!!! 12:01AM
u really waited until the end of the day to greet me, how dedicated 12:01AM
12:02AM huh!
12:02 AM am i not the first?
It’s the 15th now? 12:03AM
i was just about to sleep 12:03AM
12:05AM oh yeah… i keep forgetting you’re ahead by almost a whole day… :(
12:05AM we didnt talk much too bc we were in school… i didnt know u already celebrated
what time is it there? 12:05AM
12:06AM tuesday 8AM :(
12:06AM i woke up earlier to make sure I wouldn’t miss midnight too
that’s good 12:07AM
now i have +16 hours of a birthday because of u 12:07AM
12:08AM [sticker]
12:08AM I prepared a joke for you too
Ugh 12:08AM
What is it 12:08AM
12:09AM now that you’re 14
12:09AM you’re the only 1 4 me!
12:09AM LOL
LOL matthew we’re 15!!! 12:10AM
12:11AM oh yeah
12:11AM korean age
12:11AM i only thought of that joke during my birthday this year >__>
Its ok 12:12AM
Even if I was 14, I still wouldnt laugh at ur jokes 12:12AM
12:12AM I’ll be nice bc still ur birthday here.
[sticker] 12:13AM
12:12AM you’re sooooo kind to me!!!!!!! >:P
Matthew is waiting by the curb outside his apartment building. Taerae said he’ll pick him up for his free dinner. The same car from the airport slows down and rolls down the passenger window.
“Let’s go!” Taerae calls, beckoning Matthew to take a seat.
“You’re driving again!”
“Yeah, my dad’s not using the car today. I’m saving up to buy my own car, an upgrade of this one probably.” Taerae engages in small talk while they drive to a barbecue restaurant 10 minutes away from them.
Matthew observes him that night. It’s unintentional, but something about Taerae that night felt so commanding to Matthew. He felt like he’s seeing a brand new person, but the exact same friend he’s known for all the years.
Inside the restaurant, Taerae fills up the glass of water for Matthew and fills up his own cup. Taerae orders for both of them, and he asks Matthew if he has anything he wants to add. Matthew declines and trusts Taerae’s order.
“So how do you know this place?”
“I found it through Hanbin and his college buddies. We’d go here for celebrations or to drink without the stress of a club. I’m not really into clubbing, you’d know if I was,” Taerae laughs.
“Hey, nothing wrong with a fun night out at the club!” Matthew chimes in, and that piques Taerae’s curiosity.
“You’ve gone to the club?” Taerae asks with a disbelieving chuckle.
“I mean, yeah. A few times here and there. It’s not my thing, but I’d go if my friends invited me. I never told you?” Matthew slows down and they both want to focus their attention on the side dishes being placed in front of them.
“No, I don’t remember any of that.” Taerae hums, taking a bite of the picked radish.
When the raw meat arrives, Taerae takes the tongs and begins cooking the meat for the two of them. He knows Matthew doesn’t have a preference in doneness, but he attempts to still leave it pink in the middle for Matthew and a little crispier for himself. “Eat up.” Taerae places the meat on Matthew’s plate, leaving Matthew with a complete meal ready for him without saying a word of lifting a finger.
“Hey, thanks.” Matthew takes a bite and he understands why Taerae returns to the restaurant as often as he does. “Once I’m more set with my job, I’ll treat you. I’ll treat you out with my first pay.”
Taerae laughs while chewing, covering his mouth in good manners. How silly. How sincere. “Treat your uncle and sister out to a meal with your money before you treat me out!” He swats at Matthew’s direction with his chopsticks.
“You’re so serious… Of course I’m gonna do that too!” Matthew pouts into his bite of rice. “But you also deserve that. You’re my best friend.”
“So about your job, what are your plans?” Taerae is curious, but he also doesn’t know how to reply to the honest words. “When do you start?”
Matthew grabs his phone and shows off the schedule for the next two weeks. It’s light enough for him to still adjust to Korea, while taking on the late afternoon classes in Hanbin’s dance studio as both a student and an instructor. He also shows jobs he found for English tutoring, gym assistant, and a server at Hanbin’s mom’s cafe. He was still properly thinking about whether he can take on any of the jobs, but Taerae’s impressed with his attempts to keep himself on his feet.
“I also found some fun classes I wanna take. Hanbin told me he’s down to join me in some of them!” He talks about a place that hosts craft workshops and how Hanbin has been messaging him on Instagram to make rings together once he returns to Korea.
Taerae should feel jealous, but he’s not. He’s happy Matthew still has friends here, he’s happy that Matthew has more to look forward to. It’s not the life he ever imagined Matthew to take, but he’s glad he’s still taking it with him.
They finish their meal, Taerae pays, and Taerae drives them back to Matthew’s apartment.
Once in front of the building, Matthew unbuckles his seatbelt and sighs in contentment.
“Thanks for the treat, Taerae. I really appreciate it!” He smiles, and Taerae’s heart squeezes in the same way he wants to squeeze Matthew into a cute pulp.
Taerae almost forgets to unlock the car, and when it does, Matthew laughs to himself. He exits the car and motions Taerae to roll down the window for him to still speak.
“Bye Taerae. I’ll figure out how to hug you eventually,” Matthew giggles through the passenger seat window. “I don’t know why we're so awkward about it.” He shakes his head and takes a step back to wave at Taerae.
Taerae takes that as a challenge and he gets out of the car. He pauses as he reaches Matthew and he gives one of the worst side hugs he’s ever experienced to his best friend. He turns his head to hide his cheeks and ears that he knows are reddening in embarrassment.
“You act like we’re still continents away.” Matthew comments, completely pulling Taerae in with his raw strength. It’s a proper hug.
“Were you always this touchy?” Taerae teases, melting into Matthew’s shoulder and arms.
“No. I just want to hold my best friend for the first time in 10 years.”
“We met up in Japan 6 years ago!” Taerae complains, but any attempt to pull away is stopped by Matthew tightening his hold on Taerae.
He only loosens his grip after a few more seconds. “Okay fine, you’re right. First time in 4 years, second time in 10. Sound better?”
“Yeah.” Taerae grins when they face each other. It feels better too. “God, Mine was so awkward huh? I’ll fix that.”
Matthew nods, both of them a little buzzed with the feeling of properly holding each other.
“Okay,” Matthew coughs, unsure of how to close the night. “I’ll… go?”
“Yeah. Yeah, we’ll do that.” Taerae points at the car before walking towards it.
Matthew laughs again. “We’ll fix our goodbyes too.”
“I’m not looking forward to that.” Taerae jokes, but there’s truth to it.
They wave again, actual ones this time. Taerae only drives off once Matthew is safely inside his building.
As Matthew enters his empty apartment, he can’t help but think about the night. Taerae’s grown up.
Taerae grew into himself before his eyes, yet he only really took a step back and saw it all now. He can drive and he has a stable job. He still has the cute upturned eyes, wide smile, deep dimples, and soft look, but he looks older and more comfortable in his skin. He walks tall, his shoulders are wide and they carry him with confidence. He’s lightened up more, still cynical and literal, yet accepting of feelings and acknowledging his discomforts. He’s more open, he’s more free, and Matthew wonders how he never noticed it all in front of him.
He has to catch up with the years he’s losing to starting anew all over again. He doesn’t have a degree to his name and he’s still hoping his risk to return to Korea is worth it. But even the thought of sitting across Taerae and the warmth in his arms by the end of it, he’ll make it worth it.
Taerae smoothly parks in his garage and he doesn’t get out of the car just yet. He can still smell the lingering waft of meat and cologne from the passenger seat. Or maybe it’s stuck in his nose, his brain and heart begging to remember it ever since he sunk into Matthew’s embrace.
Fuck! What does Taerae even know?! He acts like he’s in love with Matthew.
Taerae spent years accepting that he’s in love with Matthew. He broke his own heart in Japan when he had to accept that falling in love with Matthew meant letting him go. But Matthew held on, and now he’s back home, and Taerae has to deal with the confusion of his feelings for his best friend.
How can he say he’s in love when he can barely hug him without freezing in place? How can he say he’s in love when he doesn’t know half of Matthew’s actual life that he doesn’t share in chats or calls? There’s always something new with Matthew. He’s grown up and Taerae doesn’t think he caught up to him, even when it was right in front of him.
Taerae groans and rests his head on the steering wheel.
He’s in love with his best friend of 10 years, and he barely knows him.
“That’s the wall!” Matthew excitedly yelps, staring at Taerae’s gray bedroom wall with his bed and shelf in front of it. A normal room.
“Yes, Matthew. That’s the wall.” Taerae indulges his excitement.
“It’s much smaller in person.”
“So are you.”
“Take that back. We’re the same height.”
“I’m taller than you by a centimeter.” Taerae raises his chin to exaggerate his point, but Matthew’s too distracted inside Taerae’s room.
“So where do you perch your phone?” He looks at Taerae’s desk setup. He’s surprisingly neater than he thought.
“Car.” Taerae grabs his phone from his pocket and leans his phone against his car figure. It’s a memorized and practiced habit.
“Damn. This whole time, I’ve been chilling on a Ferrari. I wish I knew.” Matthew nods, looking through Taerae’s room with so much fascination.
Taerae shakes his head with an endeared chuckle at his best friend’s curiosity. Hey, at least he’s happy. That’s all Taerae can ask for.
Matthew took the subway alone and found himself renting a bike and riding it along the stretch of Han River. He takes a quick selfie and sends it over to Taerae.
03:10PM [image attached]
03:10PM you’re right Han River IS sorta like Stanley Park
03:11PM #Tourist
03:11PM join me!!
join u all of a sudden??? 03:16PM
how long have u been biking??? 03:16PM
03:17PM around 10 mins
03:18PM u dont have to!! I just offered in case u were bored
03:18PM i know weekends are basically sacred for teachers
do not go anywhere. 03:21PM
03:25PM can i still bike around...
do not go anywhere 03:26PM
outside of han river 03:26PM
03:27PM perfect, im still trying to hatch an egg
what does that mean 03:27PM
[image attached] 03:45PM
im by the boats 03:45PM
Matthew pedals towards the direction of the familiar boats, and he slows down when he sees a bright red jacket and a pair of black and white sweatpants. That’s Taerae alright.
“You made it!” Matthew happily, the large helmet makes him look cute and round. His bangs fall right above his eyes, and he looks like a preschooler. “Do you know how to ride a bike?” He asks with an obvious follow up for Taerae.
“Yeah, I do.” Taerae resigns with a smile. “Noona taught me when we were kids, but I haven’t ridden a bike in so long.”
“There’s a second try for everything! Hop on, let’s rent another bike for you!” Matthew steadies the bike and gives him some space to sit on the support behind him.
Taerae shrugs and takes a seat, balancing himself on the support of the back wheel. He holds on to Matthew’s waist. Taerae threatens to tickle his sides while he’s on the bike and Matthew wails, almost going off balance. ‘There’s a time and place for everything, but not now!’ he shrieks and Taerae giggles while returning his arms safely and steadily on Matthew’s waist.
It’s funny. Only last month did they barely know how to hug each other, and now he’s holding onto Matthew’s waist to stay balanced on a bicycle like it’s the easiest thing in the world. (Thankfully, Matthew can’t feel Taerae’s quickening pulse or see his cheesed-out smile. There are some joys Taerae would like to keep to himself for now.)
They bike around for an hour. Enough to tire Matthew out, and enough to give Taerae some time outdoors. It’s fun. He’s happy to show up.
06:40PM matt im running late im so sorry
06:40PM my meeting extended by an hour
06:41PM i finally got a taxi, but its gonna take a while before i reach the restaurant
06:41PM traffic is shit
hey hey dont worry about it 06:42PM
dont rush 06:42PM
we’ll wait for you 06:43PM
Matthew looks around and finds the sign of the restaurant. He walks in to read the menu at the front of the restaurant, maybe find a table for the whole group. He isn’t sure. The plans for the night were mostly handled by Taerae. Eh, he’ll live.
“Matthew!” A voice calls for him and he sees a familiar man standing up from a table in the restaurant. “Join us, join us!” He leads Matthew to an empty seat. He’s very charismatic, Matthew simply obeys at the face of this guy’s confidence.
“I’m Park Hanbin, Taerae’s best friend, second to you.” He smiles handsomely and offers his hand for a handshake.
Matthew shakes his hand with a wide smile as well. “You already know I’m Matthew, uh Seok. Seok Matthew. Nice to meet you! I’m also Taerae’s best friend, second to you.” He laughs, humbly forming a bond with him.
“Taerae texted me about his meeting getting extended.” He fills up a glass of water for Matthew. “This is Mun Junghyun,” the boy waves kindly beside Hanbin. “That’s Lee Jeonghyeon, or Leejeong” he waves too, offering his hand to shake.
“Nice to meet you.” Matthew repeats, happy to be welcomed so warmly. A plate of appetizers are served in between the four of them, and they take no time digging in. Junghyun places a large grilled clam on Matthew’s plate and gestures at him to eat with them. Matthew happily takes it and begins the conversations. “So, I know you all met in high school, but how was Taerae like for you guys?”
“He’s so annoying,” was the first words that came out of Junghyun’s mouth that evening and Matthew gasps in surprise then laughs at the statement.
They all recount their stories meeting Taerae: same club, classmates, adopted by the friend group. There are stories about other guys who couldn’t make it for dinner. They all formed a little group with four other guys who couldn’t make it to the dinner. They enjoy the new dish served to their table over more conversation.
“Matthew, I think you’d love Keita and Yunseo. You guys would have a lot to talk about. Keita’s a cool friend of ours, he’s Japanese but basically Korean by now. Yunseo would love you, he plays hockey!”
“I’d love to meet them one day. What about the other two?” He remembers that there are others. Good catch. Observant.
“Seungeon and Jihoo, wait let me show you a picture of all of us.”
“I know them! I remember him from Taerae’s sports day one time, Taerae bought fruit for him! And this guy, he’s the young kid with the same birthday as Taerae!” Oh? He’s good. He probably researched a bit before hanging out, maybe? I don’t know.
“You remember that?”
“I don’t really memorize all of it, especially really connecting names to faces, but a lot of it is stuck in my memory. I just really like Taerae’s stories.” Matthew dorkily giggles. He can’t be serious. I like him, he’s a bit of a loser. That’s really cute of him to remember.
“That’s cute.”
“Not as cute as your guys’ Lotte World photo! I really liked that photo of you guys. It was Hanbin and Junghyun, and I remember another friend of yours. I forgot his name, I’m sorry… I have the photo saved on my phone.” Lotte world? That was two years ago. No way he’d lie about something that specific. We were in masks too! He even remembers Hojin.
“Why’d you save it?”
“T looked really happy in it, it was cute.” He’s just as bad as Taerae. He’s worse. Do you think he knows he’s also in love with Taerae? We’ll see once Taerae arrives.
“You’re a good guy, Matthew.”
“Aw shucks, I’m pretty decent at best.” Aww, he’s humble. Taerae needs him. Yo, fuck Taerae; I need him. Hanbin, no!
“Taerae hyung lucked out with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“He really likes foxes.”
“Doesn’t Taerae like sharks?”
“Give me your phone, Matthew. I’ll add my number so that you have other friends here instead of Taerae. Poor you.”
“I have friends here too!” He obediently hands over his unlocked phone.
“Now you have three more. Maybe seven more if you get to meet the rest.”
“I–Thank you. I appreciate it.” A friend of Taerae’s is a friend of ours.
“A friend of Taerae’s is a friend of ours.” They all nod, happy to accept Matthew as their friend.
Taerae arrives outside the restaurant, ready to look for Matthew and apologize for the long wait. Matthew isn’t outside and he hopes that it’s not too awkward for Matthew being alone with all of his friends. He braces himself for the scene, hoping that it’s not as bad as he imagines.
What he doesn’t expect is Hanbin sitting side by side with Matthew, intertwining his fingers with Matthew’s, and cooing at him. Matthew isn’t helping the case with his cute, squished grin. He loves the attention as much as Hanbin loves giving it. Highschooler Taerae would have a field day with this, but mature adult Taerae stares at the table in confusion and mild jealousy. Maybe he should go, but also Jeonghyeon caught his eye and he can’t escape anymore. Taerae takes a seat at the outer chair, while the four boys are seated on couch booths.
“Sorry, I’m late. Seems to be you’re all acquainted now?” Taerae smiles, seething through his teeth at Hanbin.
“You never told us that Matthew’s such a sweetie.” Hanbin smiles back, as foxy and catty as ever.
Matthew smiles at Taerae from beside Hanbin; he looks more like a kit. Taerae! I’m getting along with your friends!
“So Matthew hyung, is Taerae invited?” Junghyun asks, as if Taerae isn’t already at the table with them.
“Invited where?” Taerae asks, and no one minds him. They’re all fawning over Matthew and riling Taerae up. Great friends.
“Does he have to join us? You’re always with him! Let’s let him have a rest day, we can hang out without him.” Hanbin complains, pressing all the right buttons to annoy Taerae.
“Where are you going without me?” Taerae asks louder, and he reaches for some of the leftover pork belly in the middle of the table.
“That sounds like fun!” Matthew chirps, not looking at Taerae’s direction.
“Lotte world with Matthew hyung!” Junghyun cheers tauntingly.
Hanbin, Junghyun, and Jeonghyeon all laugh at Taerae’s disgusted expression. Matthew joins in on the laughing and Taerae knows he’s on the receiving end of a stupid little gag.
“We’re kidding.” Matthew clarifies, still shaking from laughing.
“You better be.” Taerae deadpans. He keeps a straight face but everyone can see right through him and his rising smile. If there’s anyone he can’t deny, it’s his Matthew. (And his Hanbin, and his Junghyun, and his Jeonghyeon, and even the rest of his lot who aren’t around tonight. He can’t deny all the friends he loves. They know him too well.)
They all order Taerae a fresh serving of jokbal. It’s Hanbin’s treat, considering he’s tormented Taerae enough after a long day at work.
They filter out one by one, calling it a day after their meals. Matthew and Taerae stay back after the three boys share a taxi together.
“I like your friends.” Matthew happily informs. He had so much fun.
“I’m going to regret introducing you to all of them.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. Matthew laughs again. He’s been laughing a lot tonight. Taerae smiles into his palm.
Maybe he won’t regret it that much.
Taerae yawns loudly in Matthew’s living room. It’s been a while since he’s had such a long day. He took up Matthew’s offer to grade papers in his apartment. Matthew doesn’t take up Taerae’s offer to fall asleep on the couch while he grades. He’s on the couch playing with his Nintendo Switch. It’s really is like a video call without the video or the call. They’re re-learning what a normal hangout is.
Matthew peeks up at the sound. “Sleepy already? It’s only 11.”
“Yeah. I’ve been sleeping at this time when I can.” Taerae stretches his legs, his joints clicking as he moves.
“How the tables turned.” Matthew muses, saving his game on the Switch but still keeping it on.
“You aren't sleepy?” Taerae asks, surprised Matthew’s still energetic.
“I’ve adjusted a bit later because of jetlag. I still get tired by midnight though, but it’s not as bad.” He explains.
Taerae finishes grading the final set of papers while chatting with Matthew. “God, I’m jealous. I’ve been sleeping earlier ever since I started teaching. I keep trying to stay up late to finish my work, but I’m just so tired at the end of the day that I can barely focus on my screen.”
“But you’d always reply to me when I messaged you when I wake up?” Matthew tilts his head. “That’s midnight or 1AM.”
Taerae doesn’t reply. He has nothing he wants to say to Matthew.
The silence clicks to Matthew. “Oh, you.”
“I can sleep late! Doing work tires me out, but I don’t immediately sleep when I use my phone in bed or scroll Twitter and Instagram.” Taerae defends himself, but he knows he’s lost.
“Sure! Whatever you say!” He lilts.
Taerae’s blush rises to his ears as he packs up his stuff and zips his messenger bag and filing envelope. He’ll use the restroom and maybe grab a quick pick-me-up snack before heading home.
“Why don’t you just stay over tonight?” Matthew offers. “You can take my bed, I can sleep on the couch. I’m really comfy already.” He emphasizes his point by not getting up from his position and wiggling his toes deeper in the cushion.
“It’s fine. I shouldn’t overstay.” Taerae waves him off and Matthew locks his Switch.
Matthew takes a breath of confidence and raises his arms, beckoning Taerae in for a hug. At least give him a hug before leaving.
Taerae sighs and puts down his backpack and envelope on the living room table. He leans in and lets Matthew have his parting hug. Matthew lets out a shaky breath, and maybe Taerae hasn’t been noticing much of how Matthew has been doing. He’s been really caught up with work, he barely caught up with Matthew in his own apartment.
Matthew doesn’t let go. Taerae tries to pull away and Matthew squeezes tighter. Taerae doesn’t need to be told twice. He relaxes in his hold and adjusts himself beside Matthew on his small couch.
Taerae just makes Matthew feel sleepy. Matthew makes Taerae feel sleepy. Neither of them put too much thought about why, but it doesn’t bother either of them. It’s comfy.
Matthew wakes up in the middle of the night with a slight creak in his neck. He adjusts himself to sleep better, but as he moves to get out of the couch, Taerae’s arms wrap around him keeping him locked in his embrace.
He sets an alarm for 6:45AM, half an hour ahead of Taerae’s usual alarm. He’ll need the extra time to get himself oriented out of Matthew’s apartment before going back to his regular day of school. That’s a problem for later. Now, Matthew settles even closer to Taerae’s hold, making the most out of the tight space of his living room couch.
How the tables have truly turned.
Taerae calls up Matthew after his dance class. Matthew doesn’t pick up. After a minute or so, Matthew calls Taerae.
“Sorry! I couldn’t find my phone in my bag.” He heaves, still exhausted from dancing.
“Do you wanna come over after work? Mom’s making eel tonight, I know that’s one of your favorites.”
“Aw T, thanks for remembering.” He hums. “I’m sorry, I gotta pass tonight. Hanbin hyung invited me out for sukiyaki with a bunch of his friends. Do you want to join? I can ask if I can invite you.”
“No, don’t. Enjoy dinner with Hanbin hyung! I’ll have dinner with mom, don’t worry about it.” Taerae smiles as he speaks. He likes where Matthew’s at now.
“I’ll tell you about it!” Matthew reassures him, as if Taerae needed it.
“I’ll hang up. Have fun!”
“I will! I’ll text you.” Matthew says.
“Alright, bye.”
“Bye!”
They’re really good at ending conversations and giving their temporary goodbyes.
Taerae walks to the kitchen and helps his mom with setting up the table for their dinner together. ‘Will Matthew join us?’ ‘No, he’s with his friends tonight.’ ‘I’ll save some for him. Bring it over to him tomorrow.’ ‘Of course, eomma.’
Matthew keeps his phone and hops over back to Hanbin. ‘Sorry! Let’s go?’ ‘Yep, Hao and Ricky are already at the sukiyaki spot.’ ‘Great!’ ‘Is Taerae alright?’ ‘Mhmm. How’d you know it’s Taerae?’ ‘I had a good feeling.’
Taerae spends time with his parents while he’s at home. His mom places a second helping of eel on his plate that evening. He eats a hearty meal with his family.
Matthew gets introduced to Hanbin’s two friends from college. Matthew knows about Hanbin’s crush on Hao, and he can’t wait to egg him on about it. Ricky’s happy to be included. The two boys get acquainted almost immediately after bonding over an accidental slip of tongue English.
How pleasant of an evening it is for them both.
“Tuesday lunch is too short, huh?” Matthew asks with his phone on speaker while he cooks his meal prep for the week. He’s finally home after his long day.
“Yeah, lunches are usually no-go unless it’s brunch and we end by noon.” Taerae hums to the phone while fixing one of his powerpoints. He just settled down at home to get back to work. “How about Sunday afternoon?”
“Shit, I can’t. I’m joining Yaeby at her company’s showcase event. It’s her debut performance. I’d invite you, but we only have two tickets so my uncle and I were planning to go.”
“No, focus on that. Also congrats noona!” Taerae can hear Matthew’s soft whoop through the speakers.
“Monday afternoon after your morning classes, and before my dance class?” Matthew offers.
“I don’t mind that, but it feels so short.”
“It is… I’ll still go, but I know I’d want another hang after.” Matthew sighs into his pan of stir fried broccoli.
“Making plans now feels harder than it was when we were long distance.” Taerae jokes, wondering why it feels this way.
“Thats because now we don't have any excuse… and now we have adult jobs and responsibilities.” They can always have a video call, but it’s not the same when they know they live in the same city and are in the same time zone. Matthew sadly drops the truth bomb and Taerae has only a mature response for them both.
“Ewwww.” Taerae leans against his hand, still organizing his Powerpoint slides.
Matthew nods along even if Taerae can’t see him, empathizing with his disgust.
“See you Monday. And then I’ll be seeing you even sooner after that, I’m sure of it.” Taerae huffs.
“Monday, I’ll remember that,” Matthew notes. “And Tuesday night?”
“Fine, I can try to free up my Tuesday night.”
“And next Saturday, the start of your long weekend?” He can hear Matthew’s sneaky grin in his words.
Taerae sighs, smiling at his best friend’s annoyingly cute ways to get him to say yes. “And next Saturday, the start of my long weekend.”
He waits for Matthew’s reply, but it doesn’t come as Taerae expects. He was at least waiting for a cheer or a laugh, maybe even a tease about how Taerae doesn’t say no to him. Instead, he hears a weak sigh of relief and a soft ‘thank you, I need this’.
It might be harder to plan now, but Taerae would take this over the distance. It’s new, it’s almost incomparable. It’s welcome. They’re both home.
“Taerae move, you’re blocking Matthew from the camera!” Hanbin pushes Taerae’s head lower with no grace. He could be gentler, but it’s just Taerae, he’ll live.
“I can adjust!” Matthew comments, fixing his position to angle himself to fit the corner. All of them struggle to fit in the photobooth.
“Taerae, tilt your head! Don’t give Matthew a hard time.” Junghyun teases, everyone’s already in frame.
“Are you guys really my friends?!” Taerae complains.
“Do you want anyone to be more than that?” Hanbin teases.
Taerae presses the button to begin taking photos. They all shriek in surprise, posing immediately for the photos.
They print out enough photos for all of them to have copies. They complain to Taerae for looking ugly in some of them, but it’s all in good faith.
They point at the pirate ship ride and line up to join it for old time’s sake. Matthew’s beside Taerae, excited to experience the intense swing of the ride. Once they’re seated, Matthew and Taerae are sandwiched between Hanbin and Junghyun. The pirate ship begins to fall and swing, and the high schoolers in front of the four men begin screaming loudly. They scream at the descent, and in the middle of their own dissipating shock, they take quick glances at each other. Matthew laughs at the messy hair on Taerae and the wide smile that accompanies his incoming scream. Taerae loves the small yips Matthew lets out as he raises his arms.
Everyone on the ride adjusts to the feeling of the swing, and their screams get weaker as the adrenaline wears off. The ship swings higher and the descent hits a little faster, and the high schoolers take a breath before screaming. ‘Han Yujin, I have a crush on you!’ ‘Park Gunwook sunbae, you’re mine!’ ‘I love you, Jiwoong-ssaem!’
The four boys laugh at their predicament, finding the young lovers cute. Matthew and Taerae catch eyes, and share a sincere smile before the ship hurls them in the air one last time.
They’ve both been busy.
It’s finals season for Taerae and he has extra responsibility proctoring some exams for his co-teachers and getting the exams checked as soon as possible. He also has to attend practicals for his advanced students, assisting the senior professors as extra bodies to observe the students. It’s mentally tiring as much as it feels fulfilling.
Matthew’s balancing his two jobs as a dance instructor at night and a contracted assistant in the morning. The crafting workshop owners found a liking to Matthew and offered him a job to help around at the shop. He cleans the machines, tracks inventory, and handles some physical labour by carrying kilograms of clay and tumbled rocks to their respective workshop rooms. He finds himself fulfilled, but physically drained at the end of every day.
2025년 4월 15일 화요일
09:30AM good morning!! have a good day at school!!
good morning~ 09:31AM
dont tire yourself out too much today 09:31AM
2025년 4월 16일 수요일
morning~ 07:16AM
what are ur plans today? do u want to come over after work? 07:16AM
07:32AM morning!!
07:32AM same packed sched for the whole week T___T
07:33AM i dont think i can make it tonight
fighting!! 08:03AM
2025년 4월 17일 목요일
08:40AM i dont wanna go to work
u and me both buddy. 08:54AM
2025년 4월 18일 금요일
when u finally have time, let me know 11:35AM
i have good news for u 11:35AM
12:00PM ominous
12:00PM can u come over after work? i called in sick at the studio, hanbin’s gonna sub for me later
ur sick? 12:02PM
12:03PM no, but i will be if i teach tonight
12:04PM ur doing ok too? with finals and everything
lets just say i needed this good news as well. 12:04PM
Taerae types Matthew’s passcode to enter his apartment. He doesn’t warn him anymore, they’re very much long past that. Matthew’s nowhere to be found and Taerae places himself in his designated spot on the couch. He opens his messenger bag and pulls out his laptop, already automatically connected to Matthew’s wifi.
“Fuck!” Matthew walks out of his room and jumps at the sight of Taerae on his couch. His hair is all wet and it's dripping onto his clean new shirt. “At least make some noise when you come over without me around!”
Taerae takes a deep breath and prepares his thickest, most operatic voice. “My apologies,” he sings too loudly. Matthew’s neighbor would kill him if she cared enough to complain. “Grab a towel, you’re going to catch a cold with your wet hair.”
“You’re so noisy,” he says, not really planning to stop him. Matthew happily skitters toward the couch after placing a small towel over his head to dry his hair. “So, what’s the good news?”
Taerae moves his laptop to share his screen with Matthew. “So which dates would you prefer for our Jeju trip?”
“You’re kidding.”
“Why would I make a joke about this?” He smiles.
Matthew jumps in his seat and he pulls out his phone to look at his calendar, and it’s mostly empty for July. He wants to pick the earliest date they could. The first weekend is right before Taerae’s birthday. He’ll opt for the second earliest date they could. “How does July 19 to 21 sound? Saturday to Monday,” he points at the calendar on Taerae’s screen.
“Looks good. Let’s buy tickets. I can pay for them first, then pay me back once you get paid in a few days.”
“Deal.” Matthew smiles a happy yet tired smile. The bags under his eyes are darker than usual. “We deserve this.”
They shake on it and in a few minutes, Taerae and Matthew have their e-tickets for their summer trip to Jeju together.
Taerae sends a video to Matthew through his DMs and Matthew reacts to it immediately. Huh? It’s 1:30AM. He should be asleep.
01:34AM y r u still up?
watching my friends’ graduation stream 01:35AM
they’re graduating pre-med 01:35AM
then they’ll start applying for residencies soon 01:36AM
01:37AM you’re ok?
yeah i am :) 01:38AM
sad i cant be there for them 01:38AM
i missed almost all of my close friends’ graduations now 01:38AM
just like how i missed both of yours 01:38AM
but at least this has a livestream 01:39AM
im doing my best to still be here for them now 01:39AM
01:40AM you’re a great friend matthew
01:41AM im sure they feel your presence
heh :) 01:41AM
thanks t 01:42AM
i miss them 01:42AM
01:43AM of course, that’s natural
01:43AM i know they miss you too
Taerae gives Matthew some space. He’ll let him be with his friends for now, just like how he was always there for Taerae in all the years of distance.
There’s a familiar feeling in Taerae’s chest. It’s almost like deja vu, but there’s a light lace of guilt with it. It prickles and makes him feel uneasy, but he ignores it.
He falls asleep after an hour. Matthew doesn’t text him for the rest of the evening. He keeps his phone unmuted in case Matthew needs him.
Taerae receives a text from Hanbin. Matthew’s Hanbin, he wouldn’t make a big deal out of his Hanbin.
07:45PM Hi taerael!!
07:45PM We are inviting you to 𝐙𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐀𝐎'𝐒 𝟐𝟓𝐓𝐇 𝐒𝐔𝐑𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐄 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐘 on July 19, 2025 (Saturday) at the Yeong-ung Condominium Rooftop starting 6PM. No need to bring booze, there will be free flowing drinks and catering provided by us! Gifts are always welcome. RSVP through Sung Hanbin or Kim Gyuvin.
07:46PM Hao’s birthday is on the 25th, but he’s flying back to China for two weeks on his actual birthday
hanbin hyung, thank you for the invite! 07:53PM
im sorry i’ll be out of town that weekend 07:53PM
07:54PM Aww you too? :( matthew said he cant go either
im flattered that you still invited me even without matthew hehe 07:55PM
07:55PM You’re so silly, of course we would
07:55PM You’re our friend too
07:55PM Quack :)
matthew and i are going to jeju together that weekend!! 07:55PM
im surprised he didnt tell you 07:56PM
07:58PM Im surprised too honestly
07:58PM But he’s been so swamped with work, I can barely get a hold of him
It’s a little immature, but Taerae feels a pang of hurt. It keeps recurring, but he can’t place the unease. Why didn’t Matthew tell his best friend and pseudo-boss about the trip?
He shakes it off. Even if it still weighs on him, he’ll make it a problem if (when) it is one. And while it festers, he does everything he can to get his mind off of the confusion.
He grabs his guitar perched on a stand beside his desk and a piece of paper on his desk. He remembers the song he wrote in church before, something about it is calling to him now. He still doesn’t have lyrics to it, so he polishes the notes and uses his noisy head to create words for his song.
He goes to bed with red fingertips, a clean mental sheet of guitar notes, and the same piece of lined paper with no trace of pen ink or pencil lead on it.
11:40PM hey t are u still awake
yeah, i’ll be up for probably another hour 11:41PM
11:40PM perfect.
It’s a race against time, but thankfully Matthew has the power of good stamina, his borrowed bike, and enough planning to know how long it takes to arrive at his destination.
He sends a text to let him know he’s nearby, and the text wasn’t for Taerae. He brings his bike inside Taerae’s garage, and he leaves his helmet on the handle. He picks up the box inside his bike basket and Taerae’s mom lets him in without needing to utter any sound. He bows to her and she bows back with a happy smile.
He checks his watch and it’s 11:58PM. Matthew, Taerae’s mom, Taerae’s dad, and Taerae’s sister all creep towards Taerae’s closed door. With Taerae’s mom’s cue, they all get in position and she knocks on his door.
“Taerae, baby, may I come in?”
Taerae opens the door at his mom’s request and the clock changes from 11:59 to 12:00, Taerae’s family all loudly yell in unison. “Happy birthday, Taerae!”
Matthew stands beside his mom, holding a small cake with a lit candle. It’s a cookies and cream cheesecake, one of the two only cakes he eats. He tries to hold back his tears, but he always has a soft spot for his family. His mom kisses him with another greeting and his dad gives him a tight hug. His sister silently watches him get coddled, and she pinches his cheek once able to.
Taerae’s mom takes the cake from Matthew’s hands. “I’ll put this in the fridge. Thank you again for buying it for us, Matthew,” she says as she moves to go to the kitchen. Taerae’s dad and sister follow along, leaving the two boys alone.
“You came over just to greet me?” Taerae asks, a little breathless. Taerae forgot to make a wish when blowing out the flame on his cake candle, but he thinks his wishes from all the years leading up to this have come true.
“Of course! I can’t lose,” Matthew jokes. “Happy birthday again, T.” Matthew comes in for a hug and Taerae easily takes it.
He pulls him inside his room and they chat for a while as Taerae settles into bed.
“I have class in a few hours.” Taerae says.
“Yeah, you should sleep soon.”
“Stay over for tonight.” He requests, unable to keep eye contact.
“As long as you’re okay with that.”
“It’s my birthday request, so you can’t say no.”
Matthew removes his coat and Taerae offers him some pajamas to change into. He’ll do anything the birthday boy wants.
They fall asleep. Taerae wakes up a little later than usual, but he’s okay with being a little late for work. Matthew had to leave by the morning as well to get ready for his own job. But, it was the first time in a long time that they had the energy and boost to go to work without a problem.
Inside the classroom for all the second graders, Taerae doesn’t recognize most of his classmates. He knows some faces, but he doesn’t know them well enough to really approach them. Every year, he has new classmates, so it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t have friends. He’ll make friends anyway, and if he doesn’t, he can always go back home and watch TV if he doesn’t like hanging out at school.
He lets out a sigh of relief when his new teacher enters the room and calls everyone’s attention. His teacher introduces herself kindly, clear enough for second graders to focus on. She calls everyone for attendance, and there are definitely new names and faces.
“Seok Matthew,” the teacher calls and a boy raises his hand. “Matthew, huh? Where are you from?”
With a pause, Matthew stares at his teacher. He’s trying to understand her words. They speak a lot faster in Korea. “I’m from Canada, but I’m Korean” he answers just as he practiced with his parents, dutifully standing to answer his teacher. His teacher motions him to sit back down with a kind smile.
“Wow, all the way from Canada! Welcome to Korea!” She muses in Korean and English, making Matthew feel a pulse of pride and acceptance in his little tummy. “Everyone, let’s give Matthew a warm welcome here in Korea, okay?”
The classroom all chimes in with unsynced agreement before the teacher returns to checking attendance and explaining the rules of homeroom class.
Once it’s recess, Matthew finds himself swarmed by the other second graders asking about him and wanting to get to know him. ‘What’s it like in America?’ ‘I don’t know, I’m Canadian.’ ‘Do you wanna play Halli Galli?’ ‘Halli Galli?’ ‘Is Matthew your actual name?’ ‘My name is Matthew, my Korean name is Woohyun.’ ‘My mom went to Europe before.’ ‘That’s cool!’
Taerae doesn’t want to interrupt the mingling. He looks for the kind cafeteria lady at the end of the hallway, ready to buy a carton of banana milk and bread.
“Hey!” Taerae turns at the sound and sees Matthew right beside him, huffing his hot breath against Taerae. Ewww. “Can you help me buy one? I’ve been wanting some juice but I’m too shy to mess up…”
Taerae notices the sincere nervousness in Matthew’s voice. He also notices a unique accent in Matthew’s words. His pronunciation is funny, but he understands him anyway so it doesn’t matter.
“Okay.” Taerae returns to the same auntie handling the snacks. “Imo, can I have an orange juice please?” He asks slowly enough for Matthew to hear and understand. The kind auntie hands him the orange juice carton and Matthew takes a deep breath.
“Imu, can I have bread please?” Matthew asks, looking over at Taerae for validation. Taerae nods, mouthing ‘i-mo’ to correct his pronunciation. She hands him his bread and Taerae gives coins to pay for Matthew’s food.
“Thank you, imo.” She accepts it kindly and waves the two boys off.
“Thank you, Taerae.” He also says, grateful for his kindness.
“It’s nothing,” Taerae replies, not finding anything so great with what he did. “You’re welcome,” he follows-up, making Matthew smile at his consideration.
“I like you. Do you want to be friends?”
“Sure.”
And they became friends, much to their delights. Every following school year, Taerae and Matthew made it a point to find each other, whether or not they were classmates. Unlike his other friends, Taerae felt that there’s something special with Matthew. Same with Matthew, he’s never felt as happy as he is when he’s with Taerae.
They make many friends. They’re social and fun, kindhearted and confident. But in the end, they will always go back to each other.
Taerae makes his way to Matthew’s apartment. He doesn’t go up to Matthew’s room, instead he waits at the lobby. He has his suitcase of clothes for their stay over the weekend and a carry-on backpack for easy access. The building elevator dings, and Taerae can see that Matthew’s just as prepared with his small suitcase and messenger bag.
“Good morning, T!” Matthew greets, as chipper as ever in the morning. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen this bag. I remember you wouldn’t let it go in Japan.”
Taerae laughs it off. “It’s my only good travel bag. It’s not like I really travel around the world like you and your sister do. I still had to borrow a suitcase from my parents.” It’s a shy confession, but there’s nothing much he hides from Matthew. A few things here and there, but nothing this shallow is worth keeping from Matthew.
“That’s good, it means you can always get a good suitcase once you actually need it.” Matthew replies, practical and simple.
The same car Taerae remembers from the airport parks in front of the apartment building and Matthew leads the way for Taerae to follow.
Matthew’s uncle greets them good morning and helps stuff their bags in his small car’s trunk. It’s a snug fit for 3 smaller suitcases, and it makes sense to Taerae why they needed another car to pick them up from the airport a year ago.
Funnily, they’re headed back to the same airport for a completely different reason. A vacation! One that Matthew’s wanted since he arrived in Korea and barely had footing. Now he has stable jobs and healthy income to responsibly have some more leisure. Matthew’s uncle drops them off with a small bag of pastries he baked since he knows they probably missed breakfast. How sweet. Matthew really does take after his family.
Taerae follows Matthew through the airport. He can suffice on his own, even without the level of experience Matthew has, but the ease in which Matthew traverses the airport makes Taerae feel like a kid again. He trails behind Matthew as he confidently strides through each passage of the airport. He’s glad he can experience a trip alone with him after so long.
“The flight will only be an hour.” Matthew says as they wait at the boarding gate of their plane.
“I’ve driven to my hometown for longer than that.” Taerae muses. It doesn’t click to him that flights can be as short as an hour. Matthew’s always taken half a day and his flight to Japan was at least 2 and a half hours.
“Then you’re all set for the flight,” Matthew smiles. “Now you can experience being a passenger princess for once.”
“I don’t think being a passenger princess applies to a pla–nevermind.” Taerae shifts the conversation. “I’ve been wondering. Do you plan on getting a driver’s license?”
Matthew beams. “I was going to get my International Driver’s Permit processed this year. I have a driver’s license from Canada that expires in 3 years.”
“Do you remember roads well enough?”
“No, but I’m sure my teacher will make it easy for me to remember!”
“Good luck to your Hanbin-ssaem.” Taerae says monotonously, causing Matthew to playfully gasp at his rejection to teach him how to drive in Korea.
“Come on! Just one chance!” Matthew pleads, and as much as the context points to it as a joke, there’s something that pulls on Taerae’s heartstrings with the beg.
“I’ll think about it,” is all Taerae can reply. Thankfully, they’re called to board the plane and their conversation gets cut short.
The feelings he’s been ignoring for the past months are creeping up to him. The feelings he’s been ignoring for the past years are creeping up to him. He can still feel the heartache he felt as an 18 year old still tug on his chest after six years. There’s something about these planes, something about being away with Matthew, that reminds him of how much of Matthew he wants and how much of him he lets slip away.
His jaw is tight and his head feels dizzy, but he’ll relax his shoulder. Matthew’s head falls and finds itself on Taerae’s delt. For Matthew, he’ll let it go for now, but it doesn’t hurt to hope.
Taerae takes a shower an hour after Matthew finished getting ready. He’s still astounded by how early Matthew wakes up, and he once reached the conclusion that Matthew photosynthesizes and uses the sun’s rays to make him as bright and energetic as he often is.
He gets dressed in front of the sink, and he can still smell the waft of perfume Matthew spritzed on before moving back to his bed to wait for Taerae. He hopes that his clothes could have absorbed some of the perfume while it laid on the counter as he showered. Oh god, he sounds insane.
“Ready to go?” Matthew asks, sitting up from bed.
“Yeah, let’s go.” Taerae wears his backpack and they make their way out.
They walk to a souvenir shop beside a cafe. They find matching bracelets made of volcanic stones. They look for their birthstones and head to the counter to pay. They fight over who pays for the bracelets, but Matthew and his brute strength was able to shove Taerae out of the way and hand his card over to the cashier before Taerae can say no. They’re embarrassing customers, but at least they’re enjoying themselves.
With their to-go coffees on hand and bracelets on wrist, they leisurely roam Jeju. They already went to the tourist spots when they landed, making use of the expensive van ride to their Airbnb much more practical.
“What’s happening there?” Taerae points at a group of men in tuxedos sprinting around a rest stop with stacks of boxes.
“I have no clue.” Matthew hums at the sight. “Weird.”
They pick some hallabong oranges at a farm, picking enough to bring home to their families and some friends without any complaints. Matthew takes them to a go-kart track recommended by Hanbin, and Taerae obliterates him on the road. They see the skyline and the beautiful sea when they come close to the coast, but they save the beauty for the next day when they plan to go to the shore.
“You’re a great friend.” Matthew says from across the room before falling asleep.
Taerae watches Matthew’s breaths go steady, and he wants to cry.
His chest soars at the words and his eyes well up. He wants to be a great friend to him. He wasn’t always a great friend to him. He's glad he could still be a great friend to him.
Matthew deviates from their path to skip to a nearby ledge. He sees a pair of binoculars and tries to peek through it, but he only sees black.
He hums, checking if the front of the lenses are obscured in any way. Taerae catches up to him and taps at the coin slot right under it. There’s no sign indicating how much it is, but they have coins in their pockets and free time to spare. Taerae puts increments of 10 to 50 won, but the coins slip through the machine without even trying to eat it. He puts in a 100 won coin and it doesn’t come out the other end. Matthew reports no visuals yet, so Taerae adds his other three 100 won coins.
To no avail nor any coin flush mechanism, Matthew pulls out his wallet to look for one more 100 won coin stuck somewhere between the bills and cards.
Taerae watches him go through his wallet and the peek of purple silk catches Taerae’s attention. Matthew still carries his kotsu-anzen omamori, the matching one with Taerae’s in his own wallet.
“It works!” Matthew moves the binoculars around to look closely at the shore and far away view. “Taerae, look!”
Taerae comes closer and takes a gander for himself. Fuck, it really is pretty. The sea shimmers with the bright mid-afternoon sun and the plants around them are lush and–huh? “Is that it? 500 won for a minute of the binoculars? That’s a scam.” He tuts, sucking in his cheek in shallow disappointment.
Matthew leans in to see if it was true and their foreheads lightly bump together behind the eyepieces.
“Ow,” Matthew laughs, holding his head. “You’re right.”
“We can still check it out, for free too.”
“How?”
Taerae points over at a public spot on the shore, he remembers seeing a few people walking around there yesterday. Thankfully, not a lot of people are around today.
Matthew nods at Taerae and they make their way to the beach. Matthew skillfully hops on each rock, carefully avoiding any moss buildup or ragged barnacles. Taerae prays that he doesn’t embarrass himself, he reaches enough rocks to balance properly, but he finds himself slipping on the final stone. Only enough to make his stomach sink into his ass, but not enough for his ass to fall to the wet, jagged, rocky floor. Matthew supported his weight, so they’re safe there.
Taerae’s a little stupid wearing casual canvas shoes on his trip to Jeju. Matthew’s smart enough to wear rubber, waterproof shoes, so he doesn’t have to deal with too much damage while stepping on rocks and sinking his feet into shallow puddles of water. Matthew guides his way to a dry ledge for the two of them to sit. Taerae can feel his feet wrinkle with some of the freshwater soaked through his socks.
Matthew takes a seat and watches the incoming sunset. Taerae follows behind and watches Matthew instead. How romantic. Even if it’s all one-sided, Taerae truly does find it beautiful. The shoreline is crisp and glimmering, the sound of waves is soothing and light, the temperature is just warm enough to feel comfortable without any extra layers, and Matthew’s here.
Matthew’s actually here. They’re on a trip that Matthew asked for, without anyone else in their way, spending time together in the same space they would call home. Taerae spent years accepting that it could never happen, but he has the boy he loves all within his reach. He’s illuminating and bright, tough competition for the beach sunset accenting every feature of his. He’s right here.
The view of the sea is beginning to get shinier, the light refracting from the sea shines more and more. It must be the rose tinted glasses, or maybe that’s the effect of the sun lowering.
Matthew turns around to face Taerae and his face crumples in worry. “T, what’s wrong? You’re crying,” he scoots closer to wipe a stray tear from Taerae’s eye. Taerae looks back at Matthew and the world suspends. They can both feel it.
Once any of them speaks, something will definitely change. They know it.
“I’ve been wanting to ask, and now feels like the right time; what made you go home? I know you and Yaeby noona were planning this, but what made you finally push through?” Taerae says, looking out at the sea. He’s afraid to meet Matthew’s eyes.
“I wanted to go home.” Matthew says simply, looking out at the sea as well. He maneuvers himself to sit right beside Taerae.
“Hm,” Taerae hums. He won’t ask for more than Matthew will choose to say. “Alright.”
“I had a life in Canada, you know. Yaeby and I were in-house dancers at her self-made studio. I could have continued my degree in Health Sciences, maybe not as a doctor but in work along those lines. My friends were hooking me up with cheap apartment recommendations if I wanted to move out and find a place with them.”
That’s exactly the life Taerae wanted Matthew to keep. That’s the good life Taerae knows Matthew deserves; he has everything he loves in the ease he deserves. He recognizes the deja vu he’s been feeling the past few months dawn on him at that moment. “So why’d you leave that all behind?”
Matthew’s hand gently intertwines with Taerae’s, neither of them still meeting eyes. “I wanted to go back home to you.”
And he was a tether. “No. Don’t say that.” Taerae immediately complains, snatching his hand away from Matthew.
“Huh?”
“Fuck. I tied you here.” His worries are coming to life right in front of him.
Matthew leans his head on the back of his now-empty hand, observing Taerae. He lets him speak. He’s surprised with the outburst, but he likes the Taerae in front of him—the realest version of him he’s seen in a long time. He hasn’t seen Taerae cry in a long time. (His birthday doesn’t count, he had the mama card.)
“You’re a great friend, Matthew. That’s what made it so hard,” Taerae sighs. “I tried to distance myself as much as I could, but you made it so hard. I couldn’t detach, I was really selfish,” Taerae exhales. “I still wanted to be your friend and be part of your world. You could’ve lived a better life there.” He stares down at his lap, ashamed to face Matthew.
“And who the fuck are you talking about?” Matthew laughs, lowering his head to meet Taerae’s downcast eyes.
“You!” Taerae replies in offense. “You’re perfect, you’re happy, you could have everything. I remember what you said before back in Japan and your updates all these years. You’re living a perfect life, and it was all going well even with me in the distance. Korea hasn’t been that easy for you has it?”
“I don’t know who the perfect Matthew is in your head, but I wouldn’t say life in Canada was perfect either.” Matthew goes back to facing Taerae, pushing Taerae’s chin up with a light finger.
“I didn’t uproot my life just for you, Taerae,” Matthew says, almost bitterly and also teasingly. What an odd mix of emotions from him. “As much as I love you, I also chose to return here for myself. There’s so much more life for me to live, and I want to do it here.”
“I’m sorry for assuming. It’s just… I had all these years without you. I tried to accept that it’d always be that way.” Taerae lowers his head, avoiding Matthew’s deep gaze. “But I’m glad you chose to come back home, really.” As much as I love you.
“I was afraid to go home too, you know?” Matthew sighs. “I knew you were pulling away. That’s when I tried even harder to not let you slip through my fingers. I was afraid you hated me for being so far away. It’s stupid considering how we talked everyday and called each other best friends whenever we could. But, I felt that too..”
“And who the fuck are you talking about?” Taerae scoffs back. “I’d never hate you. How could I? I never stopped loving you since we were kids.”
“As best friends?” Matthew asks, hopeful he’ll say no.
“You’ll always be my best friend.” Taerae replies, looking down at Matthew’s lips. Without either being aware of it, they lean in closer. “But you know what I mean when I say I loved you.”
Matthew pulls back to look Taerae in the eye. “Loved?”
Taerae pinches his lips into a tight smile, his dimples peeking slightly. “I love you, Matthew.” His hand reaches over to hold Matthew’s, afraid he’ll go away. “We’ve been apart for so long, I loved the idea of you for years, the same you that broke my heart every time. And I’m learning now that that’s not the you in front of me right now,” he smiles. “I’m uncertain about you, but I’m certain I still love you”
Matthew’s heart breaks and Taerae can feel his own crackle at his words. “I loved you too, ever since. I still loved you, even when I thought you hated me. And I love you right now, as the actual Taerae who loved me the whole time.”
Taerae wants to kiss him. Matthew wants to kiss him. But their bodies move first and they fall into a hug.
Maybe the actual versions of themselves know that a hug was more needed than any kiss. It’s a tight embrace, Taerae can feel his eyes pinch out a tear or two and Matthew breathes Taerae in through the crook of his shoulder.
They pull away and Matthew wipes another one of Taerae’s tears. He holds out his hand for Taerae to hold. “I’m Seok Matthew. I’m from Canada, but I’m Korean. Nice to meet you.”
“Wow, all the way from Canada! Welcome to Korea!” Taerae replies, squeezing Matthew’s hand. “I’m Kim Taerae. I can help you out around here.”
“I like you. Do you want to be friends?”
Taerae laughs at the memory of when they first met. He’d like to make a few changes though. He shakes his head. “No,” Taerae smiles, matching Matthew’s confused grin in front of him. “Not just friends.”
The two men move in sync, finding each others’ lips easily. They always know how to find each other.
They pull away with a light smack.
As the sky gets darker, the two walk hand in hand back to their lodging.
Not much has changed, not in the way they thought, but it’s better. It’s a new start without starting all over again. A necessary refresh from their years of distance and their year of proximity.
“I confessed first.” Matthew proudly states from Taerae’s bed.
“No you didn’t. I said I love you first.” Taerae corrects with his hands on his own hips, looking down at Matthew laying on his bed.
“I was first! I told you I love you before talking about going back to Korea for myself!” Matthew defends, his voice gets a few pitches higher.
“That doesn’t count! I actually said the statement ‘I love you’ first!”
“How does it not count?!”
They butt heads and bicker on as Taerae joins him in bed and Matthew tucks him under the covers. They’re still arguing while finding the perfect position cuddled up together.
Taerae squirms a bit beside Matthew, and Matthew hums in confusion. “The bracelet is sorta digging into my back.”
Matthew immediately removes it and drops it inside Taerae’s open backpack lying on the side of his bed.
“Sorry about that, where were we?” Matthew says, returning into their comfortable position.
“I won’t lose.” Taerae says, tucked in the crevice of Matthew’s arm.
“There’s no competition against you, Taerae. You’re always the best.” Matthew presses a soft kiss on the top of his head. “But I know I was first.”
Taerae leaves a light slap on Matthew’s tummy and Matthew chuckles away as they both fall asleep. The hum and shake of Matthew’s laughs help lull him to sleep.
“I would’ve had a sure win if I confessed to you back in Japan.” Taerae mumbles, dozing off in Matthew’s warm embrace.
“What do you mean?” Matthew asks, shocked at the revelation. “You also liked me since Japan?!” He shakes Taerae awake, but Taerae doesn’t budge. “Taerae, don’t leave me hanging like this! I had an embarrassingly tall quiff, how did you have a crush on me then?!”
Taerae’s smile is hidden on Matthew’s chest, he won this time.
They touch base back in Matthew’s apartment. Thanks again to Matthew’s uncle (who gets extra oranges, as per both boys’ agreement), they easily get back to Matthew’s apartment from the airport without any issues.
They open their suitcases to organize everything, making use of Matthew living alone and having a living room they can dump their stuff in. They grab all the food they bought to give to their friends, sorting it by recipient and fridge priority. Matthew puts his used clothes in his laundry basket, while Taerae sits on the floor.
“T, I handed you my bracelet last night. Where’d you put it?” Matthew asks from the kitchen, preparing two glasses of water for both of them.
“It’s in my backpack, you can get it.” Taerae calls, his backpack perched on Matthew’s dining table chair.
Taerae hears a familiar zip and a rustle of his pouches. Matthew returns to the living room with Taerae’s cup of water.
“Did you find it?” He doesn’t look at Matthew, still focused on sorting all their bought gifts.
“Yeah,” Matthew shows off the bracelet on his wrist. “Although, I didn’t mean to overstep or see something I shouldn’t have…”
Taerae looks up at him, confused.
“Is the postcard for me? It says ‘To Matthew’, but I wasn’t going to just grab something out of your bag without permission.”
Oh fuck, he never removed the postcard from Japan. Taerae stands up immediately and beelines to his bag. “What have you seen.” Taerae doesn’t ask, he threatens.
“I’m happy to know my boyfriend has a crush on me.” Matthew teases and Taerae approaches him with a murderous glint in his eye. Taerae doesn’t know he’s threatening Matthew with a good time.
“You weren’t supposed to see that!”
“It’s alright, jagi! I concede, you win! You confessed first!” Matthew giggles happily, holding onto a cushion to shield him from Taerae’s tickling fingers.
“That is not how I’m winning this!” Taerae tackles Matthew on the couch, maneuvering his way under the throw pillow to tickle Matthew’s sides. His muscles are worthless when he’s immobilized with his laughter.
Matthew’s breathless from laughing, his laughs turn into huffs and whines. Ah fuck it, he’s waited long enough.
He leans in and begins kissing Matthew, dropping the pillow onto the ground to close the distance between them. Matthew loses his breath again, but he lets Taerae take it. They continue to kiss, pushing further and further into each other. Their years of waiting and longing have its perks, one being they can’t get enough of each other now that they have each other.
Their suitcases remain open in their living room. Taerae’s cup of water has a pool of condensation around the bottom of the glass. They forget to reply to all their texts.
For now, they’re in each others’ grasp and they won’t allow each other to slip through.
Taerae finally has lyrics for his melody written in church years ago. All it took was… much more than he thought. But, it’s finished! It’s finally sounding natural, his thoughts matching the simple strums and plucks of his guitar.
He perches his phone on his desk to record the song, and the sight is a little familiar. He sings a demo of his personal song and he makes sure it fits the layout he’s most comfortable with. Him at the center of the frame with his wall, bedframe, and shelf seen in the background. His face is partially obscured to compensate for the guitar in his hands, but it’s alright. He records the song and he plans to play it again.
He grabs his phone and switches apps. He perches his phone back on his desk, ready to play the song again.
“Jagi, what’s up?” Matthew answers, his head already tucked under blankets in the dark. The light from Taerae’s screen helps show Matthew’s features on camera.
“I finished my song! Do you want to hear it?”
“Of course I do! I love your voice.” Matthew smiles, tucking himself in his pillow ready to listen to his boyfriend’s new song.
Taerae begins strumming and lowly singing the lyrics he finally completed. Somewhere under the sky where the sun sets, I cry happy tears at your smile—your untarnished self. He hides a part of his face with his hoodie, maybe he’s a little thankful that Matthew’s in the dark. He can feel his own blush rising. Maybe this was a little too corny, even for him.
Matthew listens intently, softening with every new line and feeling lulled with Taerae’s rich voice.
When Taerae finishes singing, he’s endeared with Matthew’s clapping. He can’t see, but he knows there was enough effort for Matthew to release his arms from the blanket and clap as he is.
“How beautiful. You know how much I love your voice.” Matthew whispers, evidently sleepy with the rasp in his voice.
“Sorry for bothering you,” Taerae laughs at his sleepy boyfriend. “Go to sleep.”
“Okay… I will,” Matthew pouts. “I like your song.”
“It’s about you.”
“I’m very loved.” He mumbles, happy to be on the receiving end of Taerae’s bursts of creativity.
Matthew falls asleep with the phone still on call, and Taerae keeps it open for a while. He strums light lullabies to his sleeping boyfriend. Some old habits really do die hard.
Taerae ends the call after a few more songs. He doesn’t want to drain too much of Matthew’s phone battery. He’ll see him in the morning.
Taerae barges into Matthew’s apartment. Before Matthew can question his grand entrance, Taerae dangles a set of keys in front of Matthew’s eyes.
“Matthew, I did it. I bought the car I was telling you about!” Taerae excitedly says to the man in front of him
“I’m so proud of you, T!” Matthew’s voice beams, sincerely excited and stoked for Taerae.
Matthew hugs him tightly, proudly swaying him in his strong arms.
Matthew closes Taerae’s car door with tears forming in his eyes. Taerae keeps the car in park while Matthew musters up the words to share with Taerae.
“Taerae, I did it. They’re offering me a full time position as an instructor.” Matthew happily says.
“Matt, I’m so proud of you.” Taerae’s voice soothes, sincerely relieved and happy for Matthew.
He unclasps his seatbelt and reaches over to hug Matthew, squeezing him with as much strength he can give.
“Hey guys, wait Taerae’s here.” Matthew says into the microphone, unplugging the giant headphones from his computer. He waves at Taerae to say hi to the camera.
Taerae’s shy! He walks over and weakly waves to the camera, finding a group video call with 5 other boys. It’s 11:30AM, and that means it's 6:30PM in Vancouver. He doesn’t know if there’s daylight savings time.
“Taerae, nice to meet you bro!” “Hi Taerae, it’s so great to see you!” “Annyeonghaseyo, Taerae-nim.” “Hey bro, what’s up.”
Taerae tries to quickly respond, not wanting to interrupt too much of Matthew's Canada call time. “Hello! Hi! Annyeong! Nice to meet you!”
“Taerae, you’re finally dating Matthew right?” one of the guys chimes in and the other boys snicker at the direct question.
“Uh, yes?” Taerae answers, turning to Matthew for validation. Matthew shrugs, just as lost with the question.
Matthew uses the opportunity to pull Taerae by the waist and let him sit on his lap. Taerae hopes Matthew’s friends don’t see the blush on his cheeks from the action.
“Aw dude, good luck.” “Yeah, we’re so sorry for you, bro.” “Taerae, you’re too pretty to settle for Matt.”
“Guys, I’m still here!” Matthew pokes his head out from behind Taerae.
“So Taerae, now that you're here. You know, Matt used to have the hugest crush on you.” “Real shit.” “Call him out.”
“Oh he did now, did he?” Taerae asks, sitting deeper on Matthew’s lap. He likes where this is going.
“When we had prom, we were all scrambling for dates and Matthew proudly said he’d go stag because his heart is still in Korea,” one boy fondly shares, proud to make Matthew cringe.
Prom… Prom was 2018. Taerae wants to laugh, that was when he was still experimenting on his own personal style and trying to detach from Matthew. Maybe he can gel his hair again, if Matthew liked it so much. Taerae turns around with a smirk and finds Matthew’s blushing expression and his shyly bitten lip. “Is that so? I like hearing all of this, what else should I know about our Matthew?”
The four laugh around and share anecdotes Matthew would have never shared on his own volition. They all ignore Matthew’s complaints to not embarrass him in front of his boyfriend, and Matthew lets it because he loves hearing the hearty laughs coming from the boy on his lap. Taerae enjoys seeing Matthew at the receiving end of the playful teases, a refreshing change ever since he introduced him to Hanbin.
“Taerae, you’re fun. Let us know if you ever go here to Canada, you’re our friend now too,” one of Matthew’s friends says on call while the others nod along.
“I’ll hold you all to it,” he smiles, scooting away from Matthew’s lap. He’ll give him his time with his friends again.
Matthew turns off his camera for a moment and thanks Taerae for taking the time to say hi. Taerae shakes his head, it’s not a problem at all. He’s thankful they welcomed him so warmly as a friend at all.
“I like your friends.” Taerae happily informs. He had so much fun.
“I’m going to regret introducing you to all of them.” Matthew pinches the bridge of his nose. Taerae laughs again. He’s been laughing a lot tonight.
Matthew purses his lips for a kiss and Taerae leans down to give him a gentle peck before turning around to reheat some food for both of their lunches. Matthew smiles into his lips.
Matthew hasn’t returned his headphones to his computer and Taerae couldn’t help but hear Matthew’s friends as he walked away.
“Matt, why’d you turn off your camera?” “Are you guys kissing? Don’t be shy… We’re allies.” “Taerae-ssi, fighting.” “When you’re done kissing your homie, good for you, let’s play another round of League.”
Maybe he won’t regret it that much.
Matthew texts Taerae right as Taerae pockets his phone to teach his afternoon classes.
01:37PM r u free for a call later after work?
Taerae sees the notification and his heart sinks. Not this again. What does this mean? He wants to reply back, but he doesn’t think the 10 minute grace period between classes would help his curiosity with Matthew’s texts. He repeats his lecture for his next set of students with his phone heavy in his back pocket.
He packs up his bag and heads to his car. He puts his phone on speaker while he drives to Matthew’s studio. Matthew picks up after four rings.
“Taerae, you’re here!” Matthew’s voice lights up with his bright image on screen.
“What kind of text is that?!.” Taerae scolds.
“I waited for you.” He excitedly whispers to his phone. “My dad just called to talk to me.”
Taerae gets caught off guard with the information. “Is everything alright?”
Matthew laughs at Taerae’s concerned expression. “Everything’s alright,” he smiles at Taerae’s face on screen, “I think he wants me to go back to Canada.”
Taerae doesn’t know what to say. He stares at his best friend and his handsome smile waiting for him from across the screen and across the world. “For how long?” is all he can ask.
“Two weeks,” he says louder, firmer, prouder. “I have to come back home eventually.”
It’s dramatic to say that Taerae’s hands shake in excitement, it’s unlike him to indulge in dramatics. But he feels the pinch of his chest and the tightness in his throat, he knows his own stubborn personality is no match for his honest feelings.
Matthew gently laughs, he’s watching Taerae intently. “It’s just two weeks.”
“When?” Taerae can’t form any more sentences.
“Hopefully in 2 months,” he explains. “And hopefully you can come along?” His cheek is pressed against his hand, Taerae’s eyes are focused on the road. He can’t believe he’s having this conversation on the road. “I can’t wait for you to see my other home.”
“You still have to wait 2 months.” Taerae tries to deflect, too shy to admit the same.
“Just say you’re excited to see it too.” Matthew laughs.
“Fine,” Taerae smiles fondly at the screen. “I’m excited to finally join you.”
Matthew quietly pumps his fist up, courteous enough not to bother his coworkers in the other studio rooms.
Taerae parks in an empty slot in front of Matthew’s building. “You should’ve told me all this in person.”
“I wanted you to know as soon as possible.” He complains. “You’re the first one to know.”
Taerae would tease him more. Scold him for his impatience, tease him for no being able to wait a few more minutes, but instead he hangs up the phone and enters Matthew’s unlocked studio room. “Thank you.” He says to Matthew. “We’ll hash out the plans soon.”
“Yes, sir!” He salutes. Taerae can hear his clothes rustle with the movement.
Taerae takes a seat in one of the student chairs and he watches Matthew organize and carry a few more of his materials for the next few days’ workshops. He washes his hands and removes his apron, ready to join Taerae home. He greets his coworkers goodbye and they greet him back.
“Get home safe.”
“We will!”
Matthew organizes an Uber over to his house. To Taerae’s surprise, Matthew’s dad welcomes them both.
They scurry to the living room, putting down all their bags, while Matthew’s dad and Matthew take a seat in their dining area.
Matthew sniffles a bit. The stale air from a plane really fucks with his immunity. Taerae wonders if he’s sick.
“Matthew,” Taerae says, his voice soft. His round cheeks puff up more as he thinks. “I can’t believe I’m in Canada.”
The words don’t register to Taerae. Matthew begins to laugh. He’s surprised to see the reaction from his friend. He always sees Matthew laugh, but he didn’t expect it now.
“I’m excited.” Matthew boasts. “I gotta show you my old school. You’re gonna see all the cool spots I’ve shown you.” Matthew’s voice gradually gets louder with his emotions. “I missed all my friends. I missed my family. I really gotta introduce you, they’re gonna love you.”
Taerae feels his eyes water. He’s happy seeing Matthew so happy.
Matthew’s parents join them in the living room when they hear Matthew’s chipper voice. They explain their plans with the two boys as much as they can, promising that they’ll try to make their two-week trip to Canada worthwhile.
“I can’t wait to experience home with you,” Taerae says.
“I’d like that.” Matthew giggles, a youthfully goofy chuckle. He smiles one of his many smiles that day.
Matthew’s back home.
“Later, I’m meeting up with your friends at the arcade near your high school.” Taerae explains, sorting his outfit for the day.
“We are?” Matthew asks, confused by the declarative tone. That’s not in their itinerary. Their shared calendar says Taerae’s Choice… How is this Taerae’s choice?!
“Well, I am. I’ll ask if you’re invited. Most of the guys said they’re free today, except for Steph, he’s on intern rotation today at the hospital. Sucks.” Taerae says matter of factly and Matthew feels dumbfounded.
“Seems to be you’re all acquainted now?” Matthew scowls in confusion. “When did that all happen?”
“After I said hi on call, they found me on Instagram and asked me if they could add me on Discord,” he explains as if it’s the most common knowledge.
“Since when did you have a Discord?!” Matthew asks in surprised confusion.
“I’ve had a Discord since the pandemic, what do you mean? I use it all the time when I play PUBG with Jiwoong, Gunwook, and Yujin,” Taerae replies, realizing he never added Matthew on there. “We really need to get to know each other better.”
“I have so much I have to learn about you,” and with a moment of silence registering all the information, Matthew pipes up again. “What do you mean you’ll ask if I’m invited?! I’m their friend!”
Taerae laughs at his reaction. It’s fun teasing his boyfriend. He can’t wait to tease him with all his other friends around too.
They walk towards the straight road from Matthew’s house leading up to an open space. “So where to?” Taerae asks with a smile, hoping they enter the grassy, nature-filled park. Matthew walks through the park gate and Taerae excitedly follows.
“This is the park where I dislocated my knee.” Matthew points at the spot where he felt his knee buckle.
“That’s the famous Canadian landmark you want to show me?” Taerae teases, shuddering at the memory of Matthew in an ambulance.
“If I knew I’d tour you around today, I would’ve planned an itinerary." Matthew complains, already guiding Taerae through the park.
“We have an itinerary, but I don’t want to use it today. You’re not my tour guide, you’re my best friend who lives in the area,” Taerae corrects. “I just wanna hang out with you today.”
“I don’t want to go home.”
“But you have to go home.” Matthew replies from beside Taerae on the couch.
They’re together at Matthew’s house in Canada.
“I…” Taerae wants to retort back, but he can’t think of anything clever. “Hmph.” He crosses his arms with a pout.
“Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t want to leave. It’s really fun being with you.” he sulks.
“You’re silly,” Matthew laughs at Taerae’s demise. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“Yeah, you’re right.” Taerae smiles.
They finish their afternoon snacks, care of Matthew’s mom, before waving goodbye to walk to their shared room to pack their bags back to Korea.
The two boys walk back, waving goodbye to go back to their house.
Wherever they are, they will always find their way back to each other.
They always find their way back home.