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Enjoy because this will be inconsistent-
IM SORRY FOR ANY TYPOS OR THINGS THAT SOUND WRONG. I WROTE THIS ON NO SLEEP AT 4AM
Mike’s mind has always been full of thoughts. Whether that be stupid plans to save the world. Or facing that burning question in his head.
”Why are you like this?”
Ever since Will’s disappearance, this question has been circling his head. He didn’t understand this feeling. Wanting something more with your best friend. It felt weird, uncomfortable even. His younger self would probably be slapping him in the face. Seeing how utterly stupid and pathetic he was.
Ted, his father. Told him it was wrong. Against the rules of god. Against humanities standards. If it was a sin and a crime, why did it feel so warm on his heart? Mike never fully understood. Although he did wrap his head around the fact.
It will never be acceptable.
So he pushed down his feelings, and prayed. Dating Eleven to try to trick his brain. She knew, at least that’s what Mike thought. Otherwise she wouldn’t have left. It was much more complex than his petty feelings. He knows he should know better. Mike knew the reason she had to leave. He knows he should face reality soon. The goal just seemed out of reach.
It was lonely in his two bedroom apartment. Nobody had reached out. That’s because everyone now had their own life’s now. Will is in college, Dustin’s studying hard. Lucas and Max moved and had a beautiful baby girl. Point blank, he was alone. That gave him a dumping ground for all his emotions to seep in. Quietly sobbing to himself each night. Wondering another question.
What if I had done something differently?
If he hadn’t been a coward. If he accepted his feelings before it was too late. The endless possibilities punching holes into his aching heart. Longing for Will harder than ever before. If he could only accept himself.
He doesn’t deserve Will. He knows he doesn’t. Will Byers has a boyfriend now. One that isn’t afraid of himself. A boy who isn’t afraid of love itself. When Mike found out. He felt this intense feeling of loneliness and jealousy wash over him. Will was supposed to be his forever.
If they were going to go crazy, they were going to go crazy together right? Will never made that promise to his boyfriend. He made it to Mike, his Mike. Their bond was unlike no other. Things fall apart though. Time didn’t heal their issues. If anything spending time away from each other was a dagger. Slowly cutting away the neatly woven fabric of their friendship. If you could even call it that.
Will would certainly not call it that. A friendship could not describe what they were. The mixed signals and emotions. Mostly that came from Mike Wheeler himself. That was what infuriated Will Byers. He couldn’t tell, did Mike want him or not? He waited for over 9 years.
Why couldn’t Mike just tell him?
He knew the cold truth though. Mike would never get over his own battles. Making the heartbreaking decision to move on. Drinking hard one night and the next morning, waking up to your boyfriend in your bed. Will knew he fucked up. He had to keep moving forward though. Pushing his feelings down for Mike. His whole life couldn’t wait on Mikes internal struggles.
He knew in a heartbeat though, If Mike confessed. He would come sprinting back. Leaving his whole life for him. Mike Wheeler, just because he loved that man so much. To the point where his feelings mattered more than his own. For now all he could do was pray. Hoping that one day, Mike will wake up to the answer to his burning question.
Why couldn’t he change the outcome of his situation now? Embrace who Mike Wheeler was right now. Look into the mirror and make that change. It shouldn’t be hard to do. To Mike Wheeler it felt like a chore though. He needs an extra shove. Just before he finally breaks. For now, He just is pushing it down farther. Needing someone to tip him over the edge.
Maybe then, he could fight and embrace Wills unconditional love.