Chapter Text
Gabriel should’ve never let them go to the Elysian Fields hotel in the first place. He knew what would happen. He knew it and yet he let them fall right into the trap.
He shouldn’t have placed his bets on Kali’s affection as a back-up plan. Even worse; he had brought the Winchesters into a dangerous situation, had extradited Sam right into Lucifers hands.
It was a series of unfortunate events and miscalculations on his part that forced him to make the reckless decision, he had wanted to avoid at any cost. And, oh, did Gabriel blame himself for that.
At least, he got Sam and Dean out of there…
„I’ve been riding the pine a long time but I’m in the game now. And I’m not on your side our Micheals… I’m on theirs!”
Gabriel sent a meaningful gaze towards Lucifer who crocked his head to one side, seemingly trying to guess the hidden meaning behind Gabriel’s choice of words.
His eyebrow lifted, astonished, and a cynical smile crossed his face when it hit him, as they continued circling each other.
“Oh… Oh! By their side, you don’t mean humanity’s side, do you? Oh, little brother, which one of the Winchesters turned your pretty head? Is it my vessel? He does kind of seem like your type.”
A pained smile crept across Gabriel’s face when he thought about how much Sam had turned his head.
***
Gabriel stood petrified inside the no-longer-burning circle of holy oil in the empty warehouse; shocked, speechless and soaked.
Castiel had left through the door only seconds ago, his gaze hard and angry. He had gone after the Winchesters like a puppy, trying to protect their parents. But Gabriel wasn’t stupid. He knew about their friendship, and he had seen the adoration in Castiel’s eyes when Dean had asked him, if he was okay.
What he hadn’t expected was the Winchesters unmoving will to save the earth. He knew that they would go to hell and back for each other – literally- but that they were actually willing to withstand Micheal and Lucifer…
Deans’ words had hit a little too close to home. Yes, Gabriel was scared to choose a side but that was mainly because he didn’t consider either Micheals or Lucifers side an option.
With Deans exclamation, an entirely new possibility arose for Gabriel: The one of his own side – of humanities side.
“You know...You could always join team-free-will.”
Gabriel jumped at the voice, lost in his thoughts.
It was Sam Winchester who had come back into the warehouse and was currently standing ten feet away from him, already soaked.
“Cheap motels and a life on the road probably aren’t your style, but it’s not that bad. At least, you get to choose what you're fighting for”, Sam concluded, offering Gabriel a weak smile.
Gabriels shoulders dropped while he considered the offer for a few moments. He kept his eyes fixed on Sams face when he slowly stepped outside the ring of holy oil and approached Sam.
Instead of tensing, Sam offered him another smile, brighter this time, almost pleased. He seemed to take Gabriels not-disappearing as confirmation.
“Great. So, Dean probably won’t let us anywhere near his car without changing…”
Gabriel took another few steps closer, now standing right next to Sam. He snapped his fingers. The water stopped immediately and both of them were magically dried.
“Well then, Samsquatch”, he gave Sam a winning smile, “Let’s tell our brothers the happy news.”
***
„Why did you even want me to come with you? ’Cause, let’s be honest with ourselves here, kiddo: I put you through the worst year of your life.”
Sam was surprised to hear some real insecurity in the archangel’s voice. Gabriel looked almost sorry and Sam wondered, if Deans speech had really shaken him that much.
Gabriel signed.
„Don´t lie to me, kiddo. You still wake up screaming every other night because you had a nightmare of Dean dying and can’t go to sleep without hearing him breathe next to you - I can see it in your eyes. That is my fault.”
Refusing to show his astonishment about Gabriel’s confession, Sam rolled his eyes. He wasn’t wrong, but Sam really wondered where the sudden change of mind came from. Was it really just because Sam had offered him place by their side?
„You’re right. That was the worst year of my life, and I haven’t forgiven you for anything. But in case you didn’t guess: I’ve been having nightmares of Dean dying my entire life. And I really feel like, I will have a new “worst year of my life” soon, if we don’t manage to stop the apocalypse and you’re simply our best chance of doing so.”
A brief expression of regret and relief simultaneously ghosted over the archangel’s face, but it was gone before Sam could actually pin-point it. Then, he could so much as feel the change of air when Gabriel slipped his mask back on.
“´Useful´ is all the I am to you? That hurts, Sammy… But well, guess I deserved that.”
He paused for a moment, and his expression lightened even further.
“Let me make it up to you!”
And suddenly, Sam was a tiny bit scared without even knowing why.
***
The sun was setting behind the roofs of Prague and painted the world in beautiful shades of orange and pink.
Sam was watching the scenery from where they were sitting in a park on a hill high above the city, his attention focused almost entirely on the colours of the setting sun. Almost. From time to time, his gaze flickered to the archangel beside him.
Gabriel was on his back right next to him, and while pretending to watch the sunset, his eyes frequently drifted to Sams illuminated profile and the peaceful expression on his face.
The small distance between their bodies would make it all too easy, to reach over and brush his fingers through Sams long, brown hair that seemed all shades of gold in the evening light.
But Gabriel didn’t want to push his luck. It had taken Sam long months to become comfortable being this close to the archangel, and Gabriel felt like returning to their initial, sceptic distance would rip his metaphorical heart right out of his inhumane chest.
Warming up to Sam had been way too fast and way too easy. Being honest with himself, Gabriel had probably been sold from the moment long ago, when Sam had first turned his puppy eyes right on him, begging him to bring his brother back.
Gabriel flinched internally. He didn’t like to think of the time when his cowardly actions had made Sam this desperate, this broken. Gabriel had spent the last few months vehemently trying to make Sam forget about the things he had done to him.
Although, somewhere along the line, his actions had become less considerate of the other and more selfish. Somewhere in between Sam, starting to suggest new destinations to their little escapes around the world, and initiating careful touches in moments that could only be considered romantic and intimate. But Gabriel didn’t dare to assume or even hope for it to mean anything more than that Sam was slowly losing his wariness towards him.
“What are we doing here, Gabriel?”
It was Sam who broke the comfortable silence between them.
“You, Samsquatch, are watching the sun setting above the most beautiful city in the entirety of Europe.”
Sam frowned, turning his face from the view and towards Gabriel.
“No, I mean…”, he paused, visibly trying to sort out his thoughts. ‘Why we’re travelling earth by a snap of your fingers while the literal apocalypse is upon us?’, would've been the question, but that wasn't what Sams brain decided on.
“What are we doing here?”
Gabriel train of thoughts ended abruptly. He was desperate, not to show his sudden uncertainty in his body language and instead settled on frowning likewise and pretended not to understand the underlying question.
But Sam turned out to be way more direct and less scared to ask the real questions.
“Are those dates? You, showing me all the places on earth, you consider beautiful? And taking me to the places, I’ve always wanted to see? Gifting me souvenirs from everywhere we go? Is it that? – Are we dating?”
Now Gabriel was unable to hide his shock. Forcing his frozen brain to continue working, he stayed quiet for a few moments, trying to consider any possible way to avoid the evident truth.
“I don’t know, Samshine. Do you want us to?”
Sam snorted –a sound that was equally amused and annoyed– and refrained from answering in favour of leaning down and kissing the archangel.
***
Gabriel had been around for far longer than any human could comprehend. He had seen humanity develop over millions of years, had witnessed nations rise and fall over the course of millennia, had seen prosperity and war, progress and destruction.
He'd had thousands of allies, friends, flings and enemies, had fallen in and out of love throughout the centuries.
Yet it took him only one year (and one look out of Sams puppy-eyes) to know, he wanted to protect that man. It only took him two months to realize that he loved him. It took three words from Sam for Gabriel to know that no matter how many years he had lived in heaven and on earth, he wanted to spend an eternity with him.
Lucifer stilled in his tracks, frowning for a second before his expression turned vicious as the realization hit him.
“Gabe… Gabe, no! Don’t tell me you-… Did you fuck my vessel?!”
Gabriel’s grin became mocking when he thought about the many ways in which he did, but there was an honest edge to it too.
Sex with Sam was mind-blowing; it always had been from the first time. It was exciting, somehow new and different every time yet felt so easy and natural, but it was the cuddling after, the waking up in each other’s arm hours later that Gabriel missed immediately, every time they got up.
“I sure did, Lucy.”
Lucifer snarled, grabbing the nearest piece of furniture and throwing it in Gabriel’s direction, followed immediately by an angry growl and a second object.
He looked like a furious dragon and Gabriel couldn’t help but smile because that picture reminded him of old times when Lucifer would get into frequent fights with Micheal over their fathers’ affection.
“You only did that to mock me, didn’t you? Wasn’t it enough of a degradation when Micheal cast me out of heaven? But there’s never anything serious with you, is it, Gabriel? Does little Sammy know, you’re only using him to make me angry.”
Gabriel tried to control his expression to not show Lucifer how angry that statement made him.
It wasn’t necessarily that the observation was wrong. For a long time, Gabriel had hidden behind his “Pagan God slash Trickster” identity and refused to acknowledge any seriousness in life, but that had changed the moment he had decided to join the Winchesters in fighting the Apocalypse.
From the first moment when he had realized his feelings for Sam in that warehouse (even if he considered them nothing more than irrational affections at that point), his motivations had stopped being about anything or anyone else. He never had any ulterior motives in his relationship with Sam; his affection was genuine, and his asshole of an older brother wasn’t allowed to take that from him.
Either Gabriels feelings regarding Sam were way more transparent than he had realized or it was just the fact that Lucifer knew him too well, but he saw right through him.
“Oh, my stupid little brother...” The words were softly spoken, but the distorted expression on his face betrayed Lucifer. He was furious.
As his response, Gabriel only raised his chin, tightening his grip around the angel blade.
“Don’t make me do this, Gabriel”, Lucifer said, but his voice begged him to try and attack him.
Gabriel signed, still thinking about Sam and how strong the young man was, by defying his own fate and refusing to say yes to Lucifer.
“No one makes us do anything, Lucy.”
Lucifer flicked his head angrily.
“I know you think you’re doing the right thing, Gabriel. But I know where your heart truly lies.”
Yeah. Gabriel knew that too. In had been plainly obvious for quite some time now and his heart hurt, just thinking of Sams reaction to what he was about to do.
***
“We should tell Dean.”
Having Sam say it, made it sound way simpler than it actually was.
They were cuddling on the huge and exceptionally comfortable bed in the room that Gabriel had snapped for them to have some alone-time.
Leaving Dean unknowing and asleep in the motel room that they had checked in for the night in the company of Castiel, who was totally occupied with watching Dean sleep and blissfully oblivious to Sams and Gabriels little excursion.
Gabriel frowned for a moment but then made an affirmative noise and buried his face back in Sams chest, shuffling even closer to his naked body under the covers.
“You know, he won’t be happy about the trickster-archangel screwing with his baby brother…”
Sam tensed for a moment as if he wanted to protest but then only hugged Gabriel tighter.
“You aren’t screwing with me. I know you’re not. Don’t sell yourself for short. You’ve helped us a great deal since you came with us. We’re lucky to have you – on our side and as a person. I am so lucky to have you in my life, and I know it’s not a good time right now, but I really want Dean to know.”
Gabriel had raised his head to look a Sam during his speech. He nodded.
“I might have chosen a side in that warehouse, but my loyalties have shifted entirely since then. My place in this world is by your side. You mean so much to me, Sam. So much, that you don’t even know.”
***
“Well, well Lucy. Are we getting to the point anytime now?”
“I think, were facing a problem here, little brother. Because we both know you can’t kill me – don’t disagree! You can try if you want to, but I know all of your tricks.”
A frown crossed Gabriel’s face when he realized was Lucifer was getting at.
“But if I kill you, there goes my last chance to ever convince Sam to say Yes to me”, Lucifer concluded his thought.
Lucifer grinned menacingly at Gabriel, and he instinctively knew that it would be the last time, he saw his brother do anything like smile. Gabriel gripped the angel-blade tighter and after one more look into his eyes, Lucifer disappeared.
Gabriels thoughts immediately turned in his head. Sam would never say Yes to Lucifer if he still had a choice, but Gabriel knew exactly what could change that.
Using Dean as blackmail would be the obvious choice but was off the table because he could simply say Yes to Micheal and that was a risk Lucifer couldn’t take. Not before he had Sam as his own vessel.
But with more or less confirming his relationship with Sam, Gabriel had turned himself into a walking blackmail.
The risk was calculated - Lucifer always got the information he wanted, and he would use the situation to his advantage. Gabriel took the risk despite being aware of the consequences and now, there was no way back.
He knew, he had to disappear for a while. Lucifer couldn’t find him before - probably wouldn’t even have tried, if Gabriel hadn’t gotten in his way.
And though Gabriel wasn’t scared for his own life, he had to make sure that Sam would be safe. He knew that this disaster made it impossible for him to keep fighting the apocalypse by the Winchesters side without putting them in danger. Putting Sam in danger.
It would be all too easy for Lucifer to use Gabriel as blackmail to force Sam to say Yes. He couldn’t let Sam get distracted from saving the world. Neither by the possibility of losing someone else he loved, nor by his grief.
Gabriel could only think of one option and making the decision broke his heart and made him curse his brother once and for all.
He looked around the room and chose the dead body of a Pagan God to his left. The man had approximately his height and statue, and it only took a snap from Gabriel, to morph his features and clothes to resemble his own.
A second snap and there was an angel-blade-shaped-hole in his stomach and the ashen shadow of wings on the ground. A third snap and Gabriel hid himself from the rest of the world. He would wait, just in case Sam came back. Gabriel was almost certain he would, and he couldn’t leave without seeing Sam one last time.
He was right. Merely ten minutes later, the sound of the Impalas engine broke off outside of the hotel. Footsteps came closer and then Sam entered the room, running, and for a moment, Gabriel couldn’t see anything but the desperate, yet hopeful expression on his face.
Dean turned around the corner seconds later, his weapon raised as if it could be of any use against the devil. He got there just in time to keep his little brother from hitting the ground by catching him in his arms.
Gabriel felt his heart break into a million pieces when he watched Sam weep over his lifeless body.
He only allowed himself to look at the scene for a few moments before forcing himself to get his shit together and focus his energy. Then he started taking every memory involving himself out of Deans mind, starting from the moment month ago when Sam had gone back into that warehouse to ask Gabriel to join them.
Then he focussed on Sams memories, the first one being the image of Gabriels dead body mere seconds ago. He took their moments, their dates in places all over the world, their kisses and shared nights, all of Sams thoughts and worries about him. He saw them right before his eyes before they disappeared piece by piece from Sams mind.
Somewhere in between the sunset over Prague and a farmers’ market in Florence, Sam had started crying. Unconscious tears were running down his face when Gabriel took the last memory, the one he would forever cherish the most. The memory of Sam, turning his entire life around in a dirty warehouse somewhere in Ohio, giving it a new meaning and making it worth living again for the first time in thousands of years.
Unable to leave without taking Sam in on last time, Gabriel went up to him. He gently touched his face, wiping the tears away while Sams memories faded, leaving him with nothing but the hate for killing Dean again and again and trying to make them say Yes.
“I love you, Sam. I’m sorry, I’ve never told you this when it actually mattered, but I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything in my entire life.”
Gabriel pressed one last kiss to Sams forehead before he turned his back and snapped himself away, his heart staying behind with the man he loved.