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Annabeth dreamt again that she was back in Mount St. Helens. Percy was telling her to get out of the volcano, ensuring her that he would be fine. Maybe deep down she knew he wasn’t coming out of there, not with her at least and that is why she found the courage to go after what she so desperately wanted, even for just a second. So she grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him down for a kiss. Who knew kissing the son of the sea god would taste so sweet. It took Percy a moment for the initial shock to subside and then he started kissing her back, the clanking sound of riptide dropping echoed all around them and then his hands were reaching for her face only for Annabeth to pull away and leave him behind, per his request. The minute she got out and felt the earth shaking under her feet she knew she had made a big mistake.
When she woke up, the first thing she did was make her way to cabin three in hopes of finding him already there. He wasn’t. Again. She turned for the Big House next to ask Chiron if there was any update while she was sleeping. She didn’t even have the chance to step foot on the stairs because as soon as she was spotted by a Demeter kid who was doing chores on the porch, he simply shook his head in denial, a hint of pity in his eyes. Annabeth stopped in her tracks, nodding once to acknowledge the information he gave her and turned back around. Another day gone by without a trace of him.
Everyone at camp was being weird around her. Not meeting her eyes or on the rare occasion they did, they were pitiful just like the Demeter kid. Chiron gave her special treatment, saying she could skip some activities if she needed to, which was idiotic because the only thing that kept Annabeth from giving into despair was camp and her role as counsellor, so she proceeded as usual. The campers would stop mid discussion as she passed by them and would only resume as soon as she was out of earshot. Even her own siblings kept silencing their conversations as soon as she stepped foot in the cabin. She knew what they were all saying between whispers and hushed conversations.
Percy Jackson is dead.
Only he wasn’t.
Annabeth knew it in her heart that he couldn’t be dead. She was sure of the fact. As sure as Percy was that winter she was taken by Luke and the manticore, being forced to lift the weight of the sky in the process. Percy never gave up on her then either. She would do the same for him for as long as she needed to.
Sword fighting practice for the Athena and Ares cabin was about tο begin. She picked up a sword she usually favored and stood opposite Mark, a kid from cabin five. At first they exchanged easy blows with each other, but Annabeth had the feeling that he was holding back for her sake and so she moved her blade harder in an attempt to make Mark fight her properly. To her relief he actually did. Annabeth hadn’t realized before now just how much repressed rage she had in her, and with her opponent retreating backwards all she wanted to do was keep going forward, slashing the air, swords clashing together until all her anger left her body.
The people around them had stopped practicing, their eyes glued to the fight between her and Mark. Once he stumbled on a tree root and fell to the ground Annabeth heard one of the campers yell, “Stop! There’s no need to kill him too.”
Annabeth stopped in her tracks and turned to face the person who spoke.
“What?” she said, her eyes were shining wide with anger but her voice sounded small. She really hated that.
The camper realized what they’ve said and tried in vain to take it back, “Nothing. I said nothing,” they looked sheepishly at their shoes. It seemed like they wanted the earth to open up and swallow them whole.
Annabeth had enough of people tiptoeing around her, afraid to speak their mind in case what they say breaks her like a porcelain doll. She could handle every hit of the truth. She was the reason for Percy’s disappearance after all but she could not handle being the reason for his death too. She stabbed her sword in the ground and gave one hand to Mark to help him get up, shooting him with a quick I’m sorry before making her exit.
At dinner time everyone made their way to the pavilion, and after loading their plates with all kinds of foods and drinks available, one by one they started carrying their food and throwing part of it to the fire burning in the center, as offering to the Gods. When it was Annabeth’s turn she took her plate and threw almost all of her food to burn with a silent plea to Athena to help her.
I’ve never asked another thing from you before this happened. Please bring him back to me or at the very least keep him safe. I know you’re tired of hearing the same thing every night these last couple of days but please…please.
She took her seat at the Athena cabin and ate what little bites of food she had left. She didn’t speak once, not when her sister Brontë asked her how she’s holding up or when their brother Malcolm pulled Brontë’s arm and whispered in her ear, quite loudly, that she was being insensitive by asking. Annabeth was staring at the fire, willing it to grow bigger, hotter, change color, show her any sign that her words were in fact being heard by Athena and not ignored. The fire kept the same intensity as always.
Annabeth’s hands were starting to shake, he face grew hot with disappointment and anger and a strong feeling of hostility while the prick of tears in her eyes became increasingly more intense.
She was sick of praying to her mother, offering everything only for her words to be lost in the vastness of the world. If Athena wasn’t going to help her own daughter maybe Annabeth had to reach out to the only God that had more to lose with Percy being gone. The one God that might even mourn him if something bad happened to him.
Annabeth made her way down to the beach.
Most of the campers were back at the pavilion for dinner leaving the beach deserted, just for Annabeth. She looked around to make sure she was truly alone before trying to calm herself, taking a deep breath, the crisp air of the night filling her lungs. She didn’t need the rest of the campers to know how truly desperate she was for trying to get in touch with a God that wasn’t even her godly parent. Their pity was too much as it is.
Would this anger her mother? Would she be bothered that one of her children betrayed her, in a way, by praying to her centuries old rival? Annabeth didn’t want to know the answer. The wrath of Athena would have to wait for another time, if her mother bothered to retaliate at all. The only thing Annabeth wanted was for Percy to be okay and come back soon.
For a while all Annabeth did was stand still as the waves were softly moving towards her and then retreated. The moon was shining bright above her, adorned with all kinds of constellations all around it. She felt like she was truly alone then, it was just her and the push and pull of the water and the moon— their eternal dance of gravitational pull.
Like me and Percy, always circling each other. Balancing one another.
After one more deep breath, she spoke towards the sea.
“I don’t have any offerings to burn, I’m sorry. I didn’t really plan this beforehand,” she chuckled at that. “Ironic isn’t it? Me being a daughter of wisdom. The battle planner. The strategist.”
“I guess all I really want is for someone who has the power, and that maybe understands my position, to hear me for once,” she said and pulled her hands together like a prayer. “I know in my mind that the probability of him being somewhere out there after almost two weeks is very low but…my heart can still feel him. I know my own heart and I know he’s still alive, all I need is an indication that he’s okay.”
She listened to the sound of the wind blowing through the trees and the ripple of the sea. After a moment she continued.
“Chiron reminded me of the ancient laws and I ignored him. And in the end only three of us came back,” a tear fell from her eye and made contact with the ground. Maybe it will find its way to the water. “It’s my fault this happened in the first place,” once she spoke the words everyone was thinking, the words taking over her thoughts every night, there was no stopping the tears flowing down her cheeks.
She began voicing every thought that was haunting her nights recently, every feeling she shoved deep down because the timing wasn’t right. There were so many things on her mind and she was getting so, so tired of the constant buzzing in her head but she had started speaking and she couldn’t stop now. At the center of every word she uttered was Percy. Sweet and kind Percy who always listened to her and never pushed her to talk if she didn’t want to. Infuriating Percy who was reckless and impulsive in a bad way but even that part of him was endearing. Percy who’s loyalty to her got the best of him.
“He told me once,” she choked between the words as she cried “he told me that between saving me or Olympus, he would burn it to the ground. I guess in a way he did burn something to the ground in order to save me. Only I don’t know if he got burned in the process as well.”
She dropped to her knees, grasping the sand with her hands and trying to slow down her breathing. Her hand reached for the water in front of her and when the waves met her fingers she told herself that it was Percy, because if he was here right now he would comfort her and she’d never have known the kind of pain that was growing in her chest with every heartbeat. It’s my fault it’s my fault it’s my fault.
The water was cool on her fingertips, she felt like it was washing away all her guilt and fears with a simple touch. The smell of the sea engulfed her and just for a second she was safe back in her cabin with Percy’s arms tightly around her, her head resting on his chest, his on the top of her head. Hey it’s…it’s okay.
“Please show me that you can hear me,” whispered Annabeth, with her knees digging in the sand and her hands still in the water.
She was praying to Poseidon but maybe instinctively she was praying to Percy as well, hoping he will answer instead, command the water and give her a sign from wherever he was stranded, to let her know he was the one listening to the secrets of her heart being poured out into the world.
She sat back with her knees pulled to her chest and looked out at the horizon.
Annabeth stayed at the beach, unbothered by the cold making goosebumps on her skin and the sand dampening her clothes. She waited until the dark of the night sky turned into hues of purple, yellow and pink, until the first ray of light hit her face, warming her up instantly.
She knew then no answer was coming.