Chapter Text
He was right.
He was right.
About the adventure, about Caine.
About everything.
“Haha…”
From the very start, he'd called it.
"...hahahaha..."
So why?
Why did the confirmation of something he always knew sting harder than any slap in the face?
Hahahahaha…!
That...that dirty liar.
That scumbag.
...How could he?
Jax slams his fists hard on the digital desk.
If only he could’ve abstracted earlier.
If only Pomni hadn’t interrupted him, he wouldn’t have had to-
…
But that wasn’t fair, was it?
He was the one that chose to get up and leave his room, after all. To get the key from Caine, and follow them up to the admin chamber.
He was the one who pressed the button.
The sound of collapsing knees choruses around the room.
“What are we going to do…?”
Ragatha’s voice pierces the silence, barely a whisper.
He couldn’t look at her, not with his heart still banging in his ears as it did. Though, he could easily imagine the wide-eyed look of disbelief on the doll's face.
Her limp form, her shoulders slumped in defeat as she cried...
He wondered where that false optimism of hers was now.
“That son of a [BOINK]!” Zooble shouts. Anger radiates from every limb and sharp corner of their body as the sound bounces off the stark white walls.
Immediately, Jax feels the temperature in the room drop.
Or at least, he would've if temperature was still a thing in the circus.
As it stood, however, temperature was just another construct.
Another setting of theirs for Caine to manipulate.
Another reminder that this was their reality now.
I knew you'd make the right choice.
Beside him, Pomni intakes a short breath, struggling to process.
Abel. The doors. The buttons.
Their names.
From the very start, was that all they were…?
Names.
Avatars.
Players with no other purpose than to progress from one level to the next ad infinitum?
“How could he…?”
Gangle’s frail voice rings loud in the quiet, empty space.
Her thin ribbon arms subconsciously slip around her torso, hugging to herself tightly in a painfully ineffective attempt at self-soothing.
Her comedy mask long broken, it was all she could think to do.
Still...
Pomni swallows hard.
...was that really all there was to them?
Her lips part to say something, anything. But for whatever reason, the words don't come.
Really, what was there left to say?
They were trapped. Plain and simple.
They had always been foolish to think otherwise.
Make the right choice.
Jax feels his chest heave.
The crushing weight of it brings him to his knees. And faced with such an insurmountable truth, he suddenly finds he couldn’t care less about the optics of it.
So what if any of them saw him cry at this point?
To hell with all of them, with Caine, with the whole [BOINK]-ing circus!
Clenching his hands at his sides, he grits his teeth.
He was just…
He was so tired.
“Jax…?”
Pomni’s voice is all it takes.
To snap the last bit of string holding his nerves together, to unravel him.
And with nothing left to stop the dam, out poured years in pent-up emotion.
“I knew it was too good to be true." His words begin slow and deliberate, before ripping their way through his lungs. "I knew it and I let you drag me along anyways.” He cries. “I…I…You said that everything was going to be okay!”
He looks up at her, desperate, pleading. Looking for answers she couldn't possibly have and yet-
But her cartoon jester eyes only waver, looking just as lost as he feels.
“You pressed the red button.”
Ragatha stares at him blankly from across the open space.
The whole room snaps to attention, facing her as she sits idly on the backs of her heels, arms hanging listlessly at her sides.
The red button.
She doesn't understand.
Why would anyone do this?
...keep all players inside the circus...
That was...
That couldn't be...
The good ending.
The ragdoll, all at once, feels her entire body still.
The good ending...?
Something shifts in the pit of her stomach.
That couldn't be right.
“You were ready to doom us all.”
The words spill from her mouth before she can even fully process them.
The group's eyes dart from her to the rabbit, but none move an inch from their places.
None offer any retort.
And soon, she finds that the longer the words sit, the tighter that ball in her abdomen becomes.
The red button will close the console, and keep all players inside the circus.
...
Having been around for a while, at this point, she'd known Jax to be a lot of things.
A smart-mouth, sure, and definitely a world-class jerk.
But this...
Congratulations! You picked The Good Ending!
She feels her chest squeeze.
This was no prank.
“Wait.” Noticing the tension, Pomni quickly holds up her hands in an effort to mediate. “Let’s all calm down for a second-”
“Why did you hesitate, Pomni?” Zooble abruptly redirects their attention towards her. An intense look gleams in their eyes as they take a step in her direction, causing the jester to unconsciously take a step back as they continue. “Why did you want Kinger to make the choice? Do you know something?”
“Zooble…” Gangle reaches a ribbon for their shoulder. A gentle, well-meaning gesture she hopes the toy takes as a sign of support.
Watching the two, Pomni tentatively takes a breath.
And while Zooble continues to eye her, after a beat, the tension in their shoulders noticeably lessens.
“Look,” they begin, calmer this time, yet with the same earlier conviction. “I’m not trying to accuse you of anything. I think you were right to hesitate in that moment." In attempting to reassure not only Pomni, but themselves, they sneak a brief glance at Gangle, softening further, and clarify. "I just want to know why.”
For a minute, Pomni looks like she might cry.
The overwhelm on her face was clear, though she was trying her best to keep it together.
Maybe because of that, she doesn’t notice Kinger come up behind her until a light hand settles on her shoulder.
His blue eyes greet her warmly. And while she still feels something cold, and hollow inside threatening to overpower her core, for the time being, they provide a small comfort.
Enough to go on a little longer.
She takes a deep breath. “Before Abel balled me up, he said something strange. When I asked him how he planned to follow us here, all he said was to make the right choice.”
From the corner of her eye, Jax twitches.
“I thought Kinger should be the one to make it.”
“Abel was acting weird about Kinger all day.” Ragatha adds, slowly pulling herself up to stand together with Pomni. She spares Kinger a quick glance, who offers the same familiarity and warmth she remembered from their gun adventure. And though she can’t find it in herself to smile, she acknowledges the gesture with a slight nod. “But given that we know now that he was an NPC, do you guys think…”
She couldn’t finish the thought.
It had been stuck in the doll’s mind ever since he’d casually conjured a butterfly right before her eyes. She knew Kinger had been in the circus the longest, much longer than any of the rest of them, at any rate, and had tried to tell herself that was why.
He knew such tricks from experience and nothing more.
But as she listened to Abel’s mutterings, those self-assurances had begun to slip. Admittedly, she didn’t know much about Kinger. Not any more than Gangle or Zooble or Pomni, anyhow. And maybe not taking the time to get to know him... maybe that was her biggest mistake so far.
“I think I might be able to answer some of your questions.”
Ragatha blinks. But she watches closely as Kinger steps forward and takes the plunge, capturing everyone’s attention in just a few words.
Everyone’s but Jax's.
“Does anything you’re about to say even matter?” The rabbit snorts from his spot on the floor, unable still to face any of them head-on. “Look around, dammit!” He gestures wildly to the wide-open void of white surrounding them. “We’re all [BOINK]-ed! And nothing you say is gonna change that!”
“You don’t know that—”
“Know it? I just proved it!”
Their attempts at escape were meaningless.
Life in the circus was meaningless.
All they were were a bunch of stupid cartoon puppets on invisible strings being made to dance at the whims of a clueless, conning AI overlord who didn’t give two flying [BOINK]s about them or Kaufmo or…!
Her.
“If Caine can mess with our heads whenever he wants, then nothing is off the table.” And if he didn’t like what they had to say, it would be as simple as letting the ground swallow them whole along with everybody else who’d already abstracted. From the start, any choice they ever had was only an illusion. “It’s all just one sick—"
“Did Caine force you to choose the red button?”
In an instant, every head whips around to look at Zooble.
“W-What?”
“Because if he didn’t…” The toy emphasizes, drawing closer to him. “Then you’re the one who tried to [BOINK] us over first.”
“So what if I did?!” Jax yells. Taking a step forward in challenge, he stands only slightly taller than their stacked parts put together. “I’m just causing trouble like always, right?”
“Are you serious right now?!” Zooble has all the mind the slap him right then and there. And if he got any closer, they certainly wouldn’t hesitate.
“What’s the matter Zoobie, scared your special someone on the outside won’t be waiting for you anymore on the off chance you manage to find your way out?”
“At least I have someone waiting for me out there!”
“Okaaay. Maybe we should all take a moment to calm down.” Ragatha steps between them, attempting, as always, to defuse. The two remain tense to either side of her, Zooble glaring a hole through Jax and the rabbit returning the sentiment with a set of equally intense eyes.
“Jax…” And then there was Pomni, always Pomni. “…is there nobody waiting for you on the outside?”
Always managing to poke every last sore spot without even trying.
Just like her.
“…I’m going to my room.” Is all he huffs in response.
Without looking back, he shoves through Ragatha and Gangle, the latter yelping in surprise behind him as he goes. And when the giant doors to the console room finally shut behind him, something raw and guttural breaks free.
Pomni can only stand there in silence, watching the closed door.
As soon as it had left her mouth, she’d regretted her question.
“Ragatha, Gangle, are you both okay?” Zooble asks after a breath. Immediately, their expression softens as they offer a stray limb to help pull her ribbon body upright once more.
Ragatha smooths the folds of her dress back into place as she stands, stealing a glance over her shoulder, confirming the bunny’s exit. And while she was still just as upset at him now as she had been before, she could wholeheartedly say it hadn’t pleased her to watch him go like that.
“I’m alright, Zooble.” Gangle offers a slight smile, still gripping the toy’s hand. She fully expects them to let go now that she’s back on her feet. But to Gangle’s surprise, they squeeze her hand a little tighter.
“Are you sure?” They ask, concern etched into every feature. Gangle nods, once more, with confidence this time. And while they believe her, Zooble still holds her gaze a moment longer.
“Are…are we still gonna be friends when we’re…out there…?”
If they got out there…
…a part of them wondered if they could be more than that.
“Sorry everyone.” For now though, that dream could wait. “I didn’t mean to derail the conversation like that.”
“N-No.” Ragatha steps forward, shaking her head. “It…needed to be said.”
The conversation could have gone better, she was sure, but if Zooble hadn’t been the one to say it, Ragatha knew she would have. Letting it grow and fester would only do more harm in the long run, or so she was learning. Better to get it out early, even if Jax didn’t agree.
It was out in the open now. And whether they liked it or not, their only choice was to deal with it.
“Maybe we should call it here for today.” Kinger speaks up, surprising them all. “You all look like you could use some rest and I…” He hesitates, thinking of the console, of Abel and the administrator passes, of the locket and Scratch and… Caine. “I could…use some time to sort out my memories.”
Pomni’s eyes peel from the closed door to look at the chess piece, coherent, yet as lost as the rest of them in the dim light.
Kinger, the eldest among them in both age and time spent in the circus confused and unsure of himself...
She didn’t think, even during their time at Mildenhall Manor, that she’d ever seen him look so small.
Her eyes flit to the door again. The sound of any footsteps behind it long gone.
“I…think that’d be for the best.”
They all had a lot to think about. And while there was a part of her that worried that they wouldn’t get another chance to talk like this, alone without Caine’s interference, she had to trust that they would.
With clearer heads and less heavy hearts next time, she could only hope.
Gangle and Zooble are quick to agree, meanwhile Ragatha alone hesitates.
She understood, of course, why everyone might want to be alone right now. Kinger especially, if he was truly starting to regain some memories.
But she was also scared.
Nobody had ever abstracted before in a group setting, but the moment they were alone, things might start to slip.
And once someone crossed that threshold…
...
She was so sick of funerals.
“I…don’t really want to be alone right now.” She voices before they have the chance to go, to leave her behind. “After everything that just happened, I don’t know what to think and—” Embarrassingly, she can feel her eye begin to well with tears when a soft, gloved hand touches her arm in reassurance.
“We’ll get through this.” Pomni promises. “All of us.”
“U-Um…if you want, you can come stay in my room for the night?” Gangle offers, shyly wringing her ribbon hands. “I…don’t really want to be alone either right now.”
The jester smiles, grateful for her.
“Got room for one more?” Zooble asks soon after.
To which she enthusiastically claps. “Of course!”
“Thanks, Gangle.” Ragatha smiles, wiping away the few escaped tears soaking into her felt face.
“You’re welcome too, Pomni.” Gangle tells the jester. “O-Only if you want to, of course.”
But while Pomni appreciates the sentiment, her mind was already drifting elsewhere. “I think I’d like some alone time for a while.”
The rest remains unspoken, though Ragatha casts a knowing look in her direction.
“Well, if you change your mind at any point—”
“I’ll come knock on your door.”
Gangle nods, her smile just a little bit brighter.
Before the three go, they present Kinger with the same offer, should the mental toll of his returning memories become overwhelming. And just like Pomni, he assures them he’ll be fine.
“Should we all meet up by the couches tomorrow?” Zooble suggests. “We should be safe from Caine’s adventures for a while, given everything that’s happened.”
“Great idea.” Pomni nods. “I’ll be sure to let Jax know too.”
“Alright. It’s a plan then.” Ragatha agrees. “You two make sure to get some rest tonight, okay?”
“We will.”
“You too, Ragatha.”
Satisfied, the doll dips her head in a light nod, then, sucking in a deep breath, squares her shoulders. As she does, she feels the faint tap of red ribbon and notices Gangle’s outstretched hand.
Zooble, she notes, is already holding the other one.
So, she takes it. And together, the five of them push through the double doors back into Caine’s office.
As they walk, Pomni notices a freshly shattered globe to the right side of the room. A previous adventure that she didn’t recognize and would now never see lay broken in a puddle of something similar in appearance to glycerin water. A glittery white substance dripped from one of the sharp edges of leftover glass, reminiscent of melting snow. And at the center sat a small wooden cabin between two pines.
“…”
But she doesn’t have time to linger on it.
“Everyone ready?” Gangle asks as they look down the exit slide going back to main area inside the circus tent. Four nods makes the assent unanimous.
And while the landing was a little rough, within a few minutes, they were all back on the familiar checkerboard floor.
From there, Kinger is the first to depart the group. They wait for him to crawl through the entrance of his famed pillow fort and repatch it half-way with pillows before moving on, checking in on him one last time before they go.
He reassures them to the best of his ability. Though he knew better than any of them how worry gnawed at the spirit when one was alone.
Still, he hoped it would be enough.
“Do you think he’s going to be alright?” Ragatha asks in a quiet voice, only to Pomni, as they continue forward to their rooms. She still holds Gangle’s hand firmly as they go, keeping a comfortable pace with her and Zooble, who chatter quietly to her other side.
“Kinger will be okay.” Pomni says with full confidence. Her trust in Kinger and his judgment hadn’t changed, even in spite of everything Abel- Caine had said. Whether or not he’d actually worked to create the Digital Circus…the jury was still out. But two things had become clear to her today: there was some sort of deeper history between Kinger and Caine than what they were aware of, and like the rest of them, he’d been left sad and confused by the AI’s betrayal. “He just needs time to process, like the rest of us.”
The doll considers her words, wondering how the hell she was even going to start processing any of this. But in doing so, recalls her friend’s words.
Giving people space was not the same as giving up on them.
She trusted Kinger still, and trusting him meant trusting that he knew what he best needed right now to get through this.
Even so, she would worry for her friend.
Nodding, she accepts the jester’s words as truth.
Despite her worries, she had confidence in Kinger. Just like she knew he had confidence in her.
She would never betray that for the world.
“We’re here.” Gangle announces once they reach her door. She unhooks her ribbons from both Zooble and Ragatha's hands to fumble for her key and unlock the door. And once open, all three turn to Pomni.
“Good luck with him.” Zooble casts their eyes further down the hall towards her next destination. And it surprises the jester how sincere they’re being. For all the animosity she’d witnessed between the toy and the rabbit, a part of her was glad for the bit of concern that they were able to spare.
“Just…come get us if anything happens.” Ragatha adds, fidgeting nervously in the doorway.
“I will.” Pomni assures her as the others fall into step behind the doll, hovering in small frame. “I’ll see you guys in the morning?”
The three of them vow that they will. And, with a final bid of good luck, shut the door behind them, leaving Pomni alone in the long hallway. A quiet sigh of relief escapes the jester knowing they, too, would all be okay. That tomorrow morning, she’d see them all again.
Casting a glance down the hall, her eyes catch on the rabbit’s door just across from her own. The expression on his doorplate smiles back like an ironic knife to the chest.
She takes a deep breath.
Standing in front of his door, her knuckles hesitate to make contact. It wasn’t like earlier today when she’d come with Abel and Ragatha to retrieve his key collection. She’d had a goal, and backup then. And while it was true she still had one of those now, she was beginning to doubt her ability to achieve it.
It wasn’t like she and Jax had ever talked alone since the gun adventure incident, and while she wanted to, Pomni knew she couldn’t force it. Their fight had given her perspective on what she could and couldn’t expect when it came to emotions and vulnerability with Jax. And ultimately, she concluded, he wasn’t yet ready to show her either of them.
The most she could do was set her emotions regarding it aside for the time being and offer what little comforts she could. Little signs that she still cared, and was open should he ever feel brave enough to begin confronting everything that scared him. She would gladly walk by his side.
But she couldn’t unpack those emotions for him.
It was something he needed to want for himself. And right now, she imagined, the only thing he wanted was to disappear.
Her knuckles connect with the wooden door.
Each thump rings loud, and hollow.
She stands back in case, by some miracle, he decides to answer. But after an entire minute passes in total silence, she draws closer once more.
Pressing the side of her face to the door, she tries to listen for any movement coming from the other side. However, the only sound she hears is that of her own breathing. She decides then to hold it for a moment and focus when faintly, she hears the rustle of bed sheets presumably towards the back of the room.
The sound calms her nerves just a bit. Jax hadn’t lied about going back to his room and while he was unresponsive to her knocking, at least she knew now that he was there and alive.
Still, she couldn’t guarantee he’d listen to what she had to say next.
Even so, Pomni knew she had to try.
“Jax…? Can I talk to you for a moment?”
All at once, the rustlings stops.
Taking it as a cue to continue, Pomni relaxes, inhales another breath, and takes her time relaying her next words. “I just wanted to let you know that we decided to postpone our conversation from before. We’ll be meeting by the couches tomorrow morning if you want to join us?”
As expected, no response comes.
But she decides not to let it faze her.
“I…want you to be there. With us.”
Even if he didn’t want to talk, to listen at least…to not be alone.
“And…” Clutching her arm nervously, she stares down at her feet and gathers her courage. “I’m sorry about earlier.”
As the words leave her mouth, she, all at once, feels the weight of it, of the day crashing over her. From the beach to the Chinese room to Caine’s office and the console room, she could safely classify the day as one of the worst in her mediocre life.
If she even had what could be called a life anymore.
To have freedom dangled so freely in front of them all only to be taken away with the click of a button… It left her feeling cold and hollow beyond what she’d thought was possible.
Just when she’d finally become accustomed to the circus, it felt like the rug had been pulled out from under her. Again.
It was no wonder people went crazy in here.
“That’s…all I wanted to say.”
The character plate on the door grins at her from above.
Meanwhile, her own frowns down from across.
“I’ll be in my room if anyone needs me.”
Her footsteps pad away from his door slowly until they’re no longer audible to the rabbit’s sharp ears. Distantly, he thinks he hears the sound of her door creak open, then shut behind her.
He can’t explain why he listens to it. He just does.
Staring up at the ceiling, he allows her words to enter his mind.
Jax…Everything’s gonna be okay.
I…want you to be there. With us.
I’m sorry.
As usual, it was all wrong.
From the pink walls covered in shooting stars and rainbows to the kiddie table at the foot of his bed, not a single thing about this place had ever felt right.
When he closed his eyes, he saw ghosts and when he opened them, a loser stared back in the mirror.
…What was he even doing anymore?
For a second, Jax thought, he’d had it all figured out. They were all just characters, archetypes, actors meant to fulfill a set of roles required to play out an interesting story. Little things like dialogue or how they got to their goal didn’t matter, even the goal itself was but a mere formality. The meat of the game was in the interactions, the dynamics that played out. The drama, the suspense, the jokes, the romance –as long as it was entertaining, anything goes.
Or so he thought.
All this time spent running in circles and only now had he finally realized that that assumption had been his first mistake.
Because, in all of his hubris, he'd failed to consider...all of that was true for the director too.
Since leaving Caine’s office, he kept replaying the memory in his head. The rising panic in his chest as they'd walked to the console room. The way the space felt more and more suffocating the longer they’d all hesitated.
The red button will close the console, and keep all players inside the circus.
The blue button will end the game and disconnect all players.
Beyond those words, his memory was a blur.
Overwhelming fear had propelled him into action, shoving Zooble, just barely avoiding Pomni until his fist was planted firmly on the red button.
“What did you just do?”
A sharp pain spikes through his head, killing all immediate thoughts that follow. And with it comes a sudden, powerful dread in his stomach. He shoots up, and tries to find his breath, eyes darting frantically around the room.
Was Caine doing that…? Or was he really going crazy this time?
A quick scan of the room told him that he was alone right now. But if his mind could be modified, how could he ever say for sure?
Hugging his knees to his chest, Jax knew that all he could do was buckle down and ride it out. Wait for the air to return to his lungs and the pain in his head to subside. Only then would he be able to start thinking somewhat clearly again.
He’d already been through this so many times before.
This feeling, this routine of self-sabotage. And while he knows it’ll pass, in the moment, Jax wished he’d let Pomni in when she’d knocked earlier.
Oh well.
At least he was right, right?
About the circus, about Caine.
He was right.
So why did everything always feel so wrong?
Still holding his knees, he can’t help but stare at the back of his door leading into the hallway. Beyond that door was another, right across from his. And past that, he imagined the jester, curled in on herself, trying to understand.
But there was nothing more to it.
No matter how she tried to spin it, there was only one inevitable conclusion waiting for her at the end. One reality despite any dreams she could conceive of. One single truth.
They were trapped here in the Digital Circus.
And like it or not, there was no way out.
Sighing, Jax buries his head between his legs and counts to ten.
He pictures her face, those big round multicolored eyes losing their shine as the whole mess settles over her. He pictures her silly cartoon body deflating like a leaky balloon.
He remembers the smile on her cheeks as she told him everything was going to be okay and the way she'd offered her hand to him in Caine’s office.
He hadn't taken it, of course.
Another regret to the list.
The feeling would pass, of course, just like everything else.
…Right?
“I’ll be in my room if anyone needs me.”
In the darkness, the door beckons him. And although every fiber of his being screams to stay put, to relax and let it consume him, he feels the pull of the other side.
“And if I do still have problems, I talk about them with the people I trust.”
To his own horror, he considers it.
Talking to her.
Telling her everything.
He wonders why she alone came to his door tonight.
If he knew the others, surely one of them had offered to stick together.
And yet, he'd heard only one pair of footsteps outside of his room...
Dammit.
Jax groans.
He was going to regret this; he just knew it.
Still, he untangles himself carefully from his spot on the bed, swinging his legs over the edge of it.
The door stands idly by no matter how long he stares.
Then finally, he makes his way to it.