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“I think we don't have a choice…” Fukuzawa paused, rethinking once again what he was about to say. “...We're going to make a temporary truce with the Port Mafia.”
A new criminal organization evolved in the underground, currently taking the place of the major threat to Yokohama, in barely a month, too. It was a group of terrorists mostly consisting of inexperienced and young members but with a high numerical advantage. From Ranpo's deduction, they were planning a mass terrorist attack next week. Their motives were still unclear, but it was likely some sort of revenge on the mafia considering the area that they mainly targeted.
The Armed Detective Agency normally didn't butt into the Port Mafia's businesses, and in all honesty, they stayed as far away from it as they could. Unfortunately for them, this organization didn't care about taking revenge only on the mafia. With how everything was going so far and how many explosives they seemed to have, there would be a lot of casualties besides mafiosos only, which the agency couldn't turn a blind eye on – yet going against them on their own was out of the question. They simply had too many people.
“To avoid endangering the lives of civilians, we'll join our forces and stop the terrorist attack before anyone gets hurt. With a truce, we'll be able to freely investigate the Port Mafia's region without getting targeted and have more men to corner the new organization,” Fukuzawa then started explaining his idea of the terms of the future truce and the overall plan of how they'd disarm the new organization.
The members of the agency listened intently, everyone sitting straight in their chairs. Everyone… besides Dazai. His cheek was squished against the table he decided to lay on, his eyes closed, not even bothering to act as if he was paying attention. Kunikida's eyes twitched, but he tried to ignore him.
“Dazai,” the President turned to his half-asleep coworker who perked up after getting called, “When will you be able to organize a meeting with the Port Mafia Boss?”
Kunikida narrowed his eyes. Dazai, being the one to organize the meeting, didn't sound like a good idea. In fact, he seemed to be the worst person to be sent to do this task.
Kunikida was aware of Dazai's dark background (even if he was the one to get informed last about it), but he couldn't see how that'd anyhow help him with convincing the Port Mafia Boss to make a truce with them.
Three years ago, before Dazai was even a part of the agency, the previous boss, Mori Ougai, disappeared in unknown to the public circumstances. Just like that, one day he was there and the next he was gone without a single trace. A lot considered him dead, but no body has been found to this day, so it never got confirmed – not like it really mattered that much anyway, dead or not, he was gone nonetheless. So even if Dazai did have some connections to him, they were all useless now.
After Mori's disappearance, a new person announced themselves the boss and in a week's matter controlled the chaos and brought stability back to the organization. It was no one else than Nakahara Chuuya. Previously the boss – or so-called king – of a small group called The Sheep, known for his short temper and extremely dangerous ability – now the Boss of Port Mafia, more intimidating than ever before.
Not a lot was known about the man himself. He didn't talk about his private life or past, but that was only expected of someone in his position. He was a relentless and brutal person with power enough to singlehandedly kill an army without getting a scratch – and that was enough anyone had to know.
Trying to organize a meeting with him was like trying to talk to death itself. And the President asked Dazai to do it? Easily the most annoying and reckless person in the agency to go contact him? He trusted Fukuzawa's judgment, of course, but that didn't line up with him at all.
He could imagine that to plan something like this in safe circumstances, find a way to directly contact him, settle a time and date that he'd agree on could take weeks or maybe even months–
“I think I'll be able to get him to come here by tomorrow,” Dazai lazily replied, not even raising his head off the table.
“T-tomorrow?!” Kunikida stammered out, snapping to Dazai with disbelief written across his face.
“Well… maybe the day after tomorrow if I find him in a bad mood. Or get him in a bad mood,” Dazai calmly replied, slowly raising from his laying position.
“Are you insane?! If you “get him in a bad mood”, you'll be dead!” Kunikida shot back, gawking when his partner just yawned in response.
“I'll be fineee~” he sang, stretching in his seat with a mischievous smile playing on his lips. “I have my ways of redeeming myself to him. I know a lot of different techniques how to make him forget he was ever mad at me–”
“Stooooop!” Ranpo loudly clapped his hands in the air, purposely interrupting, apparently not wanting to let him finish. “I really don't want to hear about that. Gross. Keep what you do to him to yourself.” Dazai laughed at the protest, his grin turning slightly sinister.
“Do you torture him or something…?” Kunikida asked with suspicion dripping from his tone, his brows drawing together. Dazai laughed even harder.
“I wouldn't call it torture but… sure, whatever makes you sleep well at night.” Kunikida wasn't amused at the answer.
“I'm sorry, President, is it really wise to send Dazai to organize this meeting? You know how he can be. Dazai is very… Dazai.”
“I know what I'm doing. There's no reason to worry. I'm sure Dazai will handle it,” Fukuzawa left no room to argue.
Kunikida sighed in resignation. He wasn't about to talk back and argue with the man he respected so deeply, even if he wasn't happy with the decision that seemed to already be final. Maybe Dazai would actually get himself killed and finally stop being a nuisance.
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“Do I really have to go there on my own…?” Higuchi hugged a stack of documents closer to her chest, her lips pressed in a thin line.
“Well, those were your orders. Not much I can help you with here,” Tachihara shrugged, hissback leaning against a wall as he observed the girl squirm in nerves alongside Gin. “You said the Boss told you to bring the filled reports from the last mission to his office, so just go do it.”
“Just– just go do it?! You can't tell me to just “go do it”– it will be my first time going to the Boss's office! It's going to be my first time seeing him face to face!” Higuchi exclaimed, frantically fixing her ponytail with one hand. “Do I look professional enough?”
“You look… fine, I don't know? Just stop stressing. He's not gonna kill you if one of your hairs sticks out–”
“And what if he will?!” Higuchi didn't even let Tachihara finish, all voices of reason seeming not to reach her.
Gin stepped closer, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “You look good, I'm sure you'll do great.” Higuchi finally let out the breath she was holding, relaxing her shoulders under the touch.
“Thank you…” she whispered softly before turning to Tachihara, her expression sterning. “You don't know how to calm down a woman at all.”
“What– I literally said basically the same thing Gin did! This isn't fair!” Tachihara threw his hands up in the air, looking between the two who looked at him as if he was crazy.
Higuchi gave him one last glare before heading off, apparently now reassured enough to do so. “I'll never understand women…” Tachihara mumbled to himself.
Higuchi entered an elevator at the end of the corridor, picking the last floor. Her stress started to raise each floor she passed, peaking once she reached her destination. She took a few deep breaths before stepping out, facing two armed guards.
“I'm here to bring the reports to Nakahara's office that the Boss asked for…” she said in a hushed tone, her voice not sounding as confident as she wanted it to, but at least she didn't stutter so all the times she rehearsed this line didn't completely to waste.
The two men let her through without a word, opening the door for her to pass through just to loudly shut them a second later. Higuchi found herself in a second smaller corridor, immediately noticing the cameras that scanned her. How much security did one man need, really… At this point, it seemed almost excessive. No one would be able to pass through all the floors and security uninvitated anyway.
Higuchi clenched her hand into a first and knocked on the door to the office, squinting her eyes as she waited for a reply in anticipation.
“The door's open, come in!” A cheerful, borderline smug voice called out. Higuchi froze for a moment, expecting a… colder, deeper voice, or anything but that, but decided not to judge. She pushed the door and with head hanging low entered the room.
“I'm here to bring the reports you asked… for…?” Her voice broke when she noticed a silhouette of a man sitting on the desk with the corner of her eye.
He had one leg crossed over the other, his beige coat dragged across the desk, some papers peeking from underneath while others seemed to have fallen on the ground, currently on the floor, despite without a doubt being some classified information. He propped his chin in his palms, smiling as he made eye contact with the mafioso.
Higuchi scanned the man, her breath hitching upon recognizing him as one of the members of the Armed Detective Agency. She quickly tossed the reports she held aside and a bit sluggishly reached for the gun in her pocket, aiming at Dazai.
“Y-you! You're from the Armed Detective Agency, aren't you?” she hissed.
Dazai raised his hands up in fake surrender, having the audacity to laugh at the woman who was pointing a loaded gun at him. “Why yes, I am. Am I that popular around here or did Chuuya talk so much about me? I'm flattered nonetheless, really~ I don't think any violence will be necessary though. You can put the gun down. I'm here with peaceful intentions!”
Higuchi narrowed her eyes at him but hesitantly lowered her weapon. This was a former executive. She heard the rumors about him and was smart enough to know that even if she wanted, she wouldn't be able to kill him. With a sour expression, she continued: “Peaceful intentions, right… How did you infiltrate the building? There's guards everywhere. They couldn't have missed an enemy walking in…”
“Oh, they didn't. They know I'm here,” Dazai carelessly replied, shrugging. His grin widened when he saw the utter confusion written on Higuchi's face, adding before she was able to interrupt him: “I have permission to be here from the Boss himself~”
“You do fucking not!” A man in black hastily stormed into the room, lightly shoving Higuchi away from the doorway, anger seething from his voice. “I only instructed my guards to not go after you when you decide to barge into my office. I know that you'd find a way to get in here even if I didn't allow you to, and like that at least you don't walk around fighting with my men. But that does not fucking mean you're invited to come here whenever you please!” He pointed an accusative finger at Dazai who continued carefreely sitting on top of the desk – and who suddenly beamed ironically to the fact that he was getting yelled at.
“Ah, so you did tell them to let me into your office! Sounds like a permission to me~” Dazai chirped with twinkling eyes.
“A ‘permission’ you love to overuse…” he grumbled under his breath. Higuchi looked between the detective and the ginger with a red scarf draped down his shoulders, her blood running cold when she connected the dots to who the man was, taking a hesitant step closer to the wall. She decided that it'd be best if she didn't get herself involved in the argument, especially since it was between her Boss and a member of an enemy organization.
“You really kept me waiting here, you know. I already managed to go through all your stuff and still be bored,” Dazai ignored Chuuya's complaint and continued his own melodramatics, his hand sliding on the desk, grabbing the first thing it stumbled upon. He picked up a lip balm, playing with it between his fingers while pretending not to notice Chuuya's murderous glare.
“Since when do you wear cherry lip balm anyway? You always used a clear one,” Dazai feigned innocent curiosity.
“Since you stole my previous one,” Chuuya deadpanned, raising his eyebrows at the detective.
“Oh– right! I totally forgot I did that, my bad,” he chuckled at the reminder, popping the lid off the lip balm with one hand. Higuchi stared in horror as she watched him apply the obviously used product without an ounce of shame, tightly pressing his lips together to spread it evenly. “It's decent, tastes kinda nice. I wouldn't complain if you'd decide to use this one from now on,” he calmly hummed.
The Port Mafia Boss approached him and snatched the lip balm from his hand, shoving it in his pocket to make sure it wouldn't get stolen (again). “As if I'd listen to your opinion that I didn't even ask for,” Chuuya scoffed, not nearly as outraged or disgusted as Higuchi expected him to be. In fact, he seemed mildly annoyed at most.
“I think you totally should start listening to it then, we both know I'm the one with better taste here after all,” Dazai smugly responded, meeting with another unconvinced glare.
“Is that all? Can you go now?”
“Wait– no, no, no! I actually am here because of work related stuff!”
“Oh, really? Last time I checked you always came here to bother me after you finish work or whatever the hell you're doing at that agency pretending to work. When do you come here to talk about something actually important?”
“Today! The President wants a truce with the Port Mafia so we can deal with the terrorists in your region before there are any casualties– or something like that, I dunno. I slept through, like, half of the meeting.”
“Of course you did,” Chuuya rolled his eyes, not surprised in the slightest. “And what will I get from agreeing to it? I can handle the terrorists on my own with minimal damage. That your little agency can't stand a few people dying is not my problem.”
“Well…” Dazai intertwined his hands together, placing his chin on it as if imitating some mastermind giving out propositions. “I won't come to your office to annoy you for a day!”
“For a week,” Chuuya spoke, the detective's smile faltering.
“Three days?” Dazai tried to bargain, his gaze slightly pleading despite being the one who offered the deal in the first place.
“Five.”
“Four?”
“Alright, we have a deal. I'll come to the agency tomorrow,” Chuuya finally agreed, dropping his stern expression. Higuchi gawked in disbelief. Was that really how her Boss made truces and deals with the enemy? And what was that condition anyway?! “That's all? Can you let me work now?”
“There's actually one more thing I want from you,” Dazai's smugness returned, momentarily forgetting that he wanted to act sad that he wouldn't be permitted into Chuuya's office for the next four days. “I'd like a kiss before I go~”
Chuuya scowled, very much fed up with Dazai. He yanked the obnoxious detective by his collar, almost making him fall from the table he had been lounging on for god knows how long already. Higuchi winced to herself, trying to hold her breath and draw as little attention as possible, aware that she was likely about to witness her Boss kill the enemy in some excruciating way.
Not that she was against it, she'd attempt to do the same if she only had enough power to do so. Breaking and entering into the Port Mafia headquarters was enough to get someone an immediate death sentence, let alone sneak into the most important and guarded room there.
The way he was behaving was completely absurd too: the blatant disrespect and casualness he treated the Boss with. Not to mention the scandalous “request” he came up with… The more things Higuchi listed off in her head the stranger it looked that Dazai was still alive, even if probably not for long.
“You're… ridiculous. What do I have with you, huh?” the mafioso whispered, quietly enough to be heard by Dazai only, making him smile wider in victory, already knowing that he won Chuuya over.
The detective's hand crawled up Chuuya's sides until his fingers tangled in the ginger curls on the back of his head. They shared one last confirming look that anyone else would have missed, and their lips pressed together.
Chuuya's grip on Dazai's collar loosened as their lips softly brushed against each other in a motion that looked practiced and well familiar. “Is it enough to make you go away already?” Chuuya broke the kiss after about five seconds.
“Mm… yup. For now at least,” Dazai smiled in a way that could only be described as smitten, looking at the Mafia Boss through half-lidded eyes.
The detective jumped off the desk, passing by the utterly bewildered Higuchi with the proudest expression. She stared at the door that closed behind him with her mouth agape, desperately trying to make sense of the situation that shouldn't have happened under any circumstances.
Chuuya ran his fingers through his hair, fixing whatever Dazai messed up. He took a deep breath and turned to Higuchi, making her look down under his sharp gaze.
“You're here with the reports, yes? Higuchi, if I'm not mistaken?” His voice was calm in comparison to how he talked to Dazai. It was a relief to Higuchi that her Boss wasn't as… loud towards others.
“Yes… here they are,” she muttered and went to pick up the documents from the small table she put them aside on. Her hand shook slightly as she handed it to Chuuya, still a bit uneasy by what she had the misfortune to witness.
Unable to hold in the nagging questions at the back of her head, she embraced herself in all her bravery and spoke up: “I'm sorry to be nosy but… you really didn't have to do that, sir. I could have dealt with the enemy and call backup if he was refusing to leave–”
Nakahara dismissively waved his hand at Higuchi's worries, calmly flipping the pages of the filled-in reports as if kissing an enemy was no big deal to him. As if it didn't bother him at all. The woman looked even more in disbelief, not even noticing that she was staring, forcing out some words. “But, sir– that was completely unacceptable and inappropriate! You shouldn't have let him–”
“He's always like that, ignore it. My husband just doesn't know how to behave, excuse him.”
“That's no reason to ask such a thing though, sir. We can't allow the enemy to freely walk around the headquarters either! He could have gone through the documents or–” Higuchi abruptly went silent, furrowing her eyebrows while she struggled to make sense of what her Boss just said. “...I'm sorry, did you say… husband?”
“Yes, that was my husband. He's mostly an inconvenience but doesn't cause harm. He often shows up, but leaves when he gets bored or gets my attention. Like I said, you should just ignore him,” Chuuya hummed, the answer coming out as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Because for him – it was. Besides, he was already pretty used to having to explain why a member of the Armed Detective Agency was so often in his office or clinging to his side.
He lifted his eyes off the papers for the first time in a couple minutes of silence that fell in the room after his admission, checking whenever Higuchi was even still in the office. And indeed she was, but with her jaw dropped to the floor and a paler than usual face. She looked like the subtlest breeze of wind could knock her over and make her fall on the floor stiff like a doll.
Chuuya sighed.
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“So she really didn't know we're married? Huh, and I thought she was just homophobic when she looked at me like I was crazy or something,” Dazai said, carefreely skipping up the stairs leading to the agency.
“No, she genuinely was unaware. I'm surprised that apparently not everyone working for me already knows it by how often you barge into my office,” Chuuya, who was walking next to his husband with a much calmer step, sent Dazai an unamused look. He let out an exaggerated scoff in answer.
“I don't see why you're complaining. I'm keeping you company and making sure others know you're taken. I advise you to do the same! My work is mostly pretty boring, I wouldn't mind if a pretty slug came to visit me once in a while~”
“You fucking wish,” Chuuya laughed, unable to hide the fond undertone in his voice. “Unlike you, I have a lot of work and a schedule I need to follow. Unfortunately being a boss doesn't grant me access to taking free days off and breaks as I please. Besides, you work in a detective agency. If you're worried your friends can't figure out that you're not single without being painfully obvious about it, I'll lose faith in this goddamn agency.”
“I know, right? I'd say it's pretty ironic how little they know about me. Only Ranpo here doesn't disappoint me with his deductive skills, I can confidently say he's the one holding this place together.”
“Wait, Ranpo? Isn't he that guy you told me about that you had to bribe into staying silent about your past when you first joined?” Chuuya raised an eyebrow.
“Yup, that's him. A pack of sour patch kids did the trick, he's easy to please,” Dazai cheerfully hummed, reaching the last step of the stairs. He could hear some yelling through the wall with the door still closed – or more precisely Kunikida fuming over him being late.
“God, and he is the most capable guy ADA had to offer? You work with a bunch of weirdos…” Chuuya said under his breath, resigned but understanding. If all of the workers here were like that, he could see why Dazai didn't get fired yet and didn't stand out, at least not awfully so.
Dazai put a hand on the handle, opening the door but not going through himself. He stayed in the doorway with one hand on his chest and the other behind his back, tilted down in a bow, clearly wanting Chuuya to walk in first.
“Showoff,” the Mafia Boss scoffed as he passed through, his eyes meeting with Dazai's infuriatingly smug grin. He looked very pleased with himself when he closed the door after him as if he were some princess. Chuuya was used to people clearing the way in front of him, opening and closing the door for him, but from Dazai it felt condescending.
It made Chuuya want to punch him. If he only were a fucking gentleman like this all the time.
“Where in the world have you been?! You're solid forty-five minutes late! If I find out it's because you were busy with some women–” Kunikida started his infuriated ramble, about to go on with his lecture about how irresponsible Dazai was, but the words died on his tongue when he saw who entered the office, unable to hide his shock.
“Unfortunately it wasn't a gorgeous woman holding me back from coming on time today. I'm devastated about that fact too, it's such a tragedy. I had to wait for someone to take his sweet time to get pretty,” Dazai shot a very obvious glare towards Chuuya whose expression hardened.
“I do not need time to ‘get pretty’–” he growled through gritted teeth, reminding Dazai of an upset dog.
“Right… and you didn't take a whole hour in the bathroom.”
“At least I take care of myself unlike someone! Remind me, when was the last time you washed your clothes, or at least changed your bandages?” Chuuya retarded, scanning the detective from head to toes with a distasteful expression.
Kunikida stood still as if still processing what was happening. “He… actually did it. Dazai brought the Port Mafia Boss here in a day,” he whispered to himself, focusing more on that rather than the two arguing with each other, not even fully registering what they were talking about.
“Oh, wow. Paint me surprised, I didn't expect him to actually manage that,” Yosano slowly nodded, surprised but at the same time somewhat impressed.
“Is he… alone? Shouldn't he as the head of Port Mafia have at least a guard with him?” Atsushi noticed, trying to listen in to the sounds outside. It was tougher to hear the quieter and more subtle sounds that could mark the arrival of guards with the fight in the background, but he still didn't note anything indicating the presence of armed men.
“He should, yes…” Kunikida agreed hesitantly.
“–I didn't come alone,” Chuuya took a pause in scolding Dazai for whatever stupid thing the latter said no one really paid attention to, looking in the detectives’ way for a mere second before going back to his previous task.
The three members of the ADA who already gathered in the hall shared perplexed looks, neither understanding what he meant by that.
In contrast to what their first conclusion was, he didn't lie. Because indeed, Chuuya didn't arrive on his own, and they saw it with their own eyes – only not connecting the dots well enough.
They expected Nakahara to bring some of his executives along, a couple of loyal subordinates, at least a few men willing to risk their life to keep him safe if something went wrong, and neither thought about looking outside the box.
Chuuya came with a loyal man. A man that wouldn't kill the detectives upon a word of disrespect in his direction, but wouldn't let any harm happen to him nonetheless. Dazai gave him the same safety and more that he'd have by bringing a whole small army. He didn't need anyone else.
Eventually the President appeared in the hallway, drawn by the ongoing passionate but petty argument. Chuuya put a hand on his face, rubbing his forehead in a similar way Kunikida did whenever Dazai was giving him a headache.
Forced to be the more mature and responsible one as the head of an enemy organization, he took a deep breath and decided to end the fight – shutting Dazai up with a sharp jab in his stomach with his elbow.
Chuuya fixed his hair, putting on a more professional and cold expression, having to remind himself that he came here for a reason. He bowed his head slightly to Fukuzawa as a greeting, the man doing the same in return.
“Thank you for deciding to consider the idea of a truce. Has Dazai discussed the possible terms of our alliance?” Fukuzawa spoke up.
“Ah, yeah. I know the situation. I already settled everything with Dazai, I'll sign whatever I need. As long as my men stay unharmed, I can allow the agency to investigate our territory. Dazai already offered me a beneficial deal in return, so that's out of the way. He'll have it covered, it doesn't involve the agency. Personal matters,” Chuuya vaguely explained.
“What… I'm sorry, sir Nakahara, but if it's not a problem, could we know what “deal” Dazai offered?” Kunikida snapped out from his stunned state, turning to the Mafia Boss with caution in his voice. He didn't hide that he didn't trust Dazai's offer.
“Peace,” Chuuya responded with a single word, as vaguely as before. Kunikida furrowed his eyebrows, getting more suspicious by the moment.
“With all due respect, the mafia has never been interested in ‘peace’. I can't see how that'd be beneficial from your perspective–”
“Not that kind of peace,” Chuuya cut in, the deadpan tone of his voice making it sound as if he was talking to someone stupid. “Peace from him,” Chuuya specified, pointing at Dazai with his chin, who was leaning against a wall in the same position where he was left after getting jabbed.
“I'm sorry… what?” Kunikida blinked, dumbfounded.
“Can you imagine how hard it is to work when someone constantly bothers me? Or nevermind, I'm sure you can, you work with him after all. Well, anyways, Dazai promised to leave me alone for the next couple days and let me get my work done. An offer I couldn't pass up on, truly. Do you know when was the last time I finished my work in peace? Ha, me neither.”
“You're exaggerating!” Dazai protested, pushing himself off the wall. “You make it sound like I spend all day with you, which is totally not true. I only come after work! Or sometimes during my lunch break, but hey– that's still not so bad.”
“But when you do come, I can't get rid of you no matter what. Like a leech,” Chuuya didn't bother looking behind. He attempted to maintain some professionalism despite his blood already starting to boil at Dazai's annoying tone, making him tempted to snap back.
“I'm just so lonelyyy!!” Dazai sang, throwing his arms around Chuuya's neck out of nowhere, hanging off him like the mentioned parasite. “I don't like coming to an empty house after work… It's totally your fault for staying till so late. I clock out the second my shift is done!”
“It doesn't quite work like that when I'm the boss. Now get away already–” Chuuya pushed Dazai off, leaving the man pouting, resembling a cat that's been yanked by force from a place it shouldn't be in.
Before he had a chance to say or do something stupid again, Chuuya already walked away from Dazai's reach. He entered the president's office that Fukuzawa silently gestured at, the two men shutting the door behind.
“Did you guys see that? He just… walked away! The audacity… I haven't finished talking yet!” Dazai exclaimed, turning to his astonished coworkers.
“Yeah, he walked away… He only walked away!” Kunikida raised his voice, unsure whenever to start scolding Dazai or be impressed by his guts. “How did you even do that? You're aware that people have been killed even looking at him wrong, right?! You were practically all over him!”
“Not true, I could get much more obnoxious if I wanted to. And no, I don't always get away. I still remember when he broke my arm once. Personally, I'd dare to say he's especially rude to me!”
“Why in the world are you bothering him then?! I knew you had poor self preservation skills but that's on a whole another level of idiocy!” Kunikida grabbed his partner by the shoulders, aggressively shaking him, trying to put some sense into him. “And what was that about visiting Nakahara in the mafia headquarters after work?”
“What, can't go expanding my social life anymore? You always told me to go do something after work other than lounging at home or at bars! I listened, no?”
“That's absolutely not what I meant when I told you to go out to people more– Just tell me, is it some new strategy of yours? Annoy the Head of the Mafia until he's so done with you he agrees on deals as long as you leave him alone? Or a new suicide method? Because if so, it might actually work this time!”
“Ew, no! Don't even suggest that… Dying by that slug's hands would be the worst fate that could ever meet me!” Dazai scrunched his face. He'd probably do an overdramatic gesture if only Kunikida's grip wasn't holding him back.
“So let me get this straight… You don't want to die from his hands. But you continuously disrespect and mock the Port Mafia's Boss, and you persist on still doing that,” Kunikida spoke in a slower manner, attempting to regain some composure. He stopped shaking the man but he kept a dead lock grip, preventing Dazai from slipping away. It wasn't really a question but a statement in which he tried to piece everything he understood so far, ridiculing him with his glare alone.
“Uh, yeah, basically–”
“WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!” Kunikida's calmness didn't last. Atsushi drifted his gaze to the ground, finding it a nicer sight than Kunikida physically trying to smack sense into Dazai's head.
“He already caused two arguments in the span of the last ten minutes. Even for Dazai, it's a new record… That's some real talent right there,” Yosano let out a half amused scoff.
“I'd say it's pretty concerning…” Atsushi muttered, turning his attention to the doctor to focus on anything but the sounds of Kunikida yelling in the background.
“Eh, they'll be fine. You should get used to them squabbling,” Yosano shrugged off.
“No, no, I know… I'm more worried about Dazai's relationship with the Port Mafia Boss… What if he over does it? What if Nakahara will finally have enough and just… you know? I don't want to underestimate Dazai but even he wouldn't stand a chance against the whole mafia against him…” Atsushi pressed his lips in a thin line, fidgeting with his fingers. Yosano thought for a moment, quietly considering his words, her expression dropping.
“I doubt he would… Guessing from their conversation Nakahara had been putting up with Dazai for quite some time already. It's possible they knew each other from the time Dazai was still in the Mafia… If he was to kill him, he probably already would. But I admit, it's still dangerous. I hope Dazai doesn't get in trouble because of it…”
“What trouble again?” The two detectives flinched, turning around to the source of the voice in union.
“Ah, sir Nakahara… you already finished settling the terms of the truce…?” Atsushi spoke up hoping to change the subject – but immediately knew how badly he failed because of the shakiness and lack of confidence in his voice.
“Yeah? I just had to sign a few things, it wasn't going to take me god knows how long,” Chuuya crossed his arms, giving Atsushi a weird look. “You're the kid Dazai's mentoring, Atsushi, right? You don't have to use that overly formal tone, I don't care, I'm barely a few years older than you anyway.”
Atsushi blinked a few times in a row. He was genuinely taken aback that Chuuya knew his name, and on top of that was so calm and casual with him. “O… okay?”
“Now better tell me what trouble Dazai got himself into. You ain't deflecting the subject, kid.”
“Um, no- it was nothing! We were just… We were just talking, it's nothing you should worry about, sir Nakahara– sir– um…” Atsushi's tongue started tangling, his eyes helplessly wandering around the more he was stuttering. He didn't want to admit they were talking about him behind his back, and getting to address him less formally made Atsushi's mind even worse of a mess.
“We were talking about your relationship with Dazai,” Yosano cut in to save her colleague from embarrassing himself even more. She put on her most professional face and started explaining, not risking lying to the head of their enemy organization. In the worst case if he got upset, she was ready to fight.
“We're worried about him. We know Dazai doesn't have the best self preservation skills but we noticed that he acts around you the same way he does around us. It's like he doesn't have a survival instinct at all. And that's– that's plain dangerous.”
“You're saying that as if you're scared I'll kill him.”
“And wouldn't you?” Yosano crossed her arms, squinting her eyes at the man distrustfully.
“What?” Chuuya laughed, his amused reaction making Yosano's shoulders drop in surprise. “I doubt there's any force in this world that would be able to kill him. I'd send all my people after him and he'd come out with a single scratch that he'd earn by tripping on a rock. Besides, it wouldn't be beneficial for me at all. Do you know how much money I'd have to waste if he went and died?”
“Hold up, what? Money? What does money have to do with anything?”
“Do you know how much debt he has and how many people he owes? As long as he's alive people chase him. But do you know what'd happen if he died? All his debt would go on me! And unlike him, I can't manipulate people as well to deflect from paying for my entire lifetime. For your information, funerals aren't cheap either. It's just totally not beneficial for me.”
“Debt, funeral– what?” Yosano spluttered out, staring at Chuuya with a baffled expression. Out of every reason she thought the Port Mafia Boss could have, none of what he said was on the list. And yet, he sounded too serious and passionate in his rant for it to be fake. “Why would you be the one paying for that?”
“Because of some really bad decisions I made as a teenager. And where's Dazai anyway? I'm surprised he didn't appear the second I walked out.”
Yosano faintly pointed at Kunikida and Dazai squabbling in the corner of the room, her demeanor shifting into a calmer one. Chuuya made a small “Oh,” as he observed the detectives with a blank, not surprised face, and approached after a moment or two.
“As a teenager… So they do know each other from the times Dazai was in the mafia,” Yosano whispered to herself with a hand on her chin, trying to make sense of the situation.
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“What don't you understand?! How hard is it for you to understand that bothering the head of our main enemy organization could be even life threatening to you?! You're not special, you're gonna get yourself genuinely killed like that!”
“But Kunikida… I am special! I'm very much the special-est!” Dazai chirped, a lazy grin spread on his face. Kunikida felt as if he was about to pop a vein at this rate.
“Special-est? That's not even a real word.” Dazai turned around to where the voice came from, his face lighting up at Chuuya. “The only special thing about you is that you're a special mental case.”
“So you admit I'm special~”
“That's not a compliment, but sure whatever… Your ‘specialness’ won't really help you if you get strangled by your friend over there, though,” Chuuya pointed out, stealing a quick glance at Kunikida who went silent a while ago, intensely observing him as if analyzing his every move and word.
“God, what are you staring at me like that for?” Chuuya burst, more and more fed up by the same subject being constantly brought up. “Listen here, glasses. I'm here only to sign a truce, no need to look at me like I'll do god knows what. There's other things you could worry about than Dazai, change something up because it's getting fucking annoying.”
“It's just that I don't have a reason to trust you, that's all. You have quite a… reputation. You're not known for patience and a good temper, to put it as nicely as I can.”
“For god's sake– I'm gonna repeat this one and last time, I ain't gonna kill him for being a little shit. Besides, if I could, I would do it a long time ago.”
“So you're saying you… can't?” Kunikida raised an eyebrow, his body going still – which Dazai used to slip away, but the latter didn't even seem to notice.
“He told us that too,” Yosano interrupted, her words followed by Atsushi's: “Nakahara said that Dazai's death would be unfavorable for him. He mentioned that he'd have to pay a lot of money organizing a funeral and paying off Dazai's debts…”
“Debts?” Kunikida crossed his arms, unconvinced.
“Oh, yeah! He totally said that and then blamed it on some “bad decisions” he made as a teen. No idea what it was about, still can't figure it out,” Yosano added.
“That's… the worst excuse I've heard,” Kunikida fixed his glasses on his nose before going on a rant: “When someone dies, the only person that can inherit one's debt is a relative, and only upon the circumstance that the debt is co-signed or they had a joint account. Since Dazai doesn't legally have anyone like that, his debt will be paid by the estate, as well as his funeral. In conclusion, you're not required to pay anything.”
Kunikida paused for a moment to think and continued, “Unless you signed some form of contract as a teenager that legally made you responsible for it… Dazai would be capable of pulling that off, somehow, even if I doubt such a thing exists. Still, even if the debt were to be a couple million it's not a high sum for a Mafia Boss to eliminate a possible major threat…”
“What the fuck is he going on about?” Chuuya blurted out. “It's not that complicated. If you let me speak, I'd tell you that we share a bank account, so yes, his debt absolutely goes on me.”
“You–... what?” Kunikida's eyes snapped to Dazai, demanding an explanation. “How the hell did you do this?” he hissed.
Dazai put his hands in the air, his attempt of surrendering invaded by the smug grin on his face. “I didn't do anything. Chuuya agreed with his very own free will.”
“You totally manipulated me into this,” Chuuya deadpanned.
“That was seduction, not manipulation! There's a very big difference, you know.”
“You tried to seduce the Mafia Boss?!” Kunikida yelled out, his face turning visibly pale. Dazai turned to him with an innocent expression, pretending not to see anything wrong with it.
He crossed his arms and feigned offence. “I didn't try, I successfully did. You're underestimating my skills, Kunikida.”
“So you… “seduced” him into sharing his bank account with you. The Port Mafia Boss. He has a joint account with you,” Yosano summed up, her face a mix of disbelief and surprisingly awe.
“I only share my private account with him. I wouldn't trust him having access to the mafia's budget even if my life depended on it. Knowing him, he’d purposely throw it all away just to make my life harder,” Chuuya added, not caring enough to deny the accusations.
“How did that even happen…?” Atsushi said in a hushed tone, almost to himself. Dazai seemed to catch it though, and immediately perked up, finding it a great opportunity.
“That's just one of the benefits of marriage, Atsushi. It's quite often for spouses to share a bank account, actually. Around seventy five percent of married couples do that! You should write that down, Kunikida.”
“Oh, really?” Kunikida hummed and took out his notebook, quickly turning the pages. He used the pen he always stored in his pocket in case of needing to write something down and put a few strokes on the paper, then suddenly paused with his eyes going wide. Kunikida's hand clenched around the pen, strong enough to nearly snap it in half, then yelled out: “WHAT?!”
“Yeah~ Oh, did I never mention that I'm married? My bad, guys,” Dazai smugly announced, not even trying to sound apologetic in the slightest.
“Why would you marry him?!” Yosano gasped out, the information throwing her off as well.
“You know… besides being annoying and more often than not acting like a loud dog, Chuuya has some pros. Also, he's exactly my type. Longer hair, an awful attitude, and could put me and everyone in this room six feet underground if he wanted to – what more could I want? His body is pretty nice too,” Dazai snickered.
“No, no. I totally get the appeal. I'm asking Chuuya why he married you,” Yosano corrected, her whole demeanor towards the mafioso changing a hundred eighty degrees from before. She shoved Dazai out the way and faced Chuuya directly, this time with no fear or suspicion on her face, even using his first name.
“Honestly? I've been wondering the same thing,” Chuuya shrugged. He was quiet for a few seconds, thinking, then kept going: “I'll just say that I was a dumb lovestruck teenager when I made this decision, the bastard's useless. But I'm so used to having him waiting for me at home or my office and annoying the shit out of me that it'd feel empty without him. I can't imagine my life without him anymore, as sappy as it is.”
“You gotta tell me all about this, I need to know how Dazai is as a husband, and tell me all the juicy stuff. Wanna go later to a bar together?” Yosano offered.
“Are you seriously gonna gossip about me? That's so mean,” Dazai cut in, frowning.
“Suck it up, I gotta rant about you to someone. I have a free evening next Friday, sounds good?”
“Hell yeah!” Yosano grinned. Kunikida stared at her with a warning glare, wanting to scold her for deciding that going out for drinks with the Port Mafia Boss was a good idea, but he was still far too stunned to be able to find his voice.
“Alright then, we're all set. I'll have to go now though, my duties are calling me.” Chuuya then turned to Dazai, “And you better keep our deal. I have work to do and I need to focus, I can't have a mackerel bothering me. It's the main term of the truce you so much whined to me about too.”
“Yeah, yeah… I won't break the terms, whatever. Four days of no annoying Chuuya at work, got it,” Dazai grumbled. Silence fell in the room for a moment, surprisingly not uncomfortable, and Dazai's pouty expression reset. “See you at home?” his voice softened subtly, eyes flicking back to Chuuya.
“Yhm… see you,” Chuuya whispered back. Not paying attention to the small audience they had, he cupped Dazai's chin and pulled him down, pressing a quick peck on his cheek.
Dazai blinked blankly before smiling, placing his hand on the place his husband kissed after the one pulled away. Chuuya bowed politely to the detectives in the doorway and left, leaving Dazai still holding his face in awe, as if they were back to just teenagers with a secret crush on each other rather than husbands.
“Aw… so our Dazai is capable of such sappy feelings as love after all,” Yosano crossed her arms, a smirk forming on her face.
“Of course I am! I find it offensive that you doubted me, I'll have you know that I love my dog very much so,” Dazai put on a playful tone to his voice, gathering himself from the earlier flustered state he was in.
“You're in love… with the Port Mafia Boss… and he loves you back… and you're married...” Kunikida started muttering under his breath once he found his voice again, walking in circles as if on a verge of hyperventilation.
“For my defense, he wasn't the boss when we got married, and we did before I even joined the agency.” Dazai said, but that seemed only to make Kunikida's panic worse.
“And when you eventually joined– you didn't see anything wrong with it?! You– You can't work for the law and be married to the boss of the most dangerous criminal organization, Dazai! These things contradict themselves!” he snapped.
“Why so? I can separate my private and work life just fine. We've been married for years and since now you didn't even suspect a thing! We'll have our four year anniversary this spring, actually,” Dazai smiled at Kunikida's enraged expression.
“Ah, and don't worry about us exchanging information about our organizations or something like that. Chuuya doesn't tell me anything that doesn't involve him directly like having to stay overtime or going to a different city. And even if I have access to his office, I'd rather die than read through his paperwork. I don't really tell him shit either, ain't gonna make his job easier, right? I don't really care about the mafia, I can work against it just fine as long as my husband doesn't die, and let me tell you, he's pretty hard to kill – so I don't have anything to worry about,” he added to ease Kunikida's worry, and hopefully prevent him from fainting.
“Calm down, Kunikida, it's not the end of the world. If Dazai works just like he has for the past two years we don't have to worry about it. It's his marriage, you can't tell him to just divorce,” Yosano stood on Dazai's side, a smile playing on her face as she added: “Plus I might earn a new drinking buddy out of this…”
“I think it's okay as long as Dazai's happy and safe… they seem to trust each other,” Atsushi joined in after a while of not speaking, trying to convince Kunikida in a soft tone.
“No, no, this is ridiculous… It can't be. I need to tell the President about this…” Kunikida kept spiraling, not wanting to accept the facts. He stormed off, heading to Fukuzawa's office.
“Uh, the President knows about this! He's okay with it!” Dazai called out after Kunikida but he was already out of sight, and even if he wasn't he probably wouldn't listen.
Not long after, Kunikida came back, a look of pure resignation on his face. He didn't speak, still mentally in denial, intensely staring down at the floor. Dazai nearly burst out laughing.
“Yall done yelling now? I can't even eat in peace,” a new voice came from the hall, sounding pretensional but as well a bit muffled as if the one speaking had something in his mouth.
“Ranpo! You won't believe what we just found out!” Yosano perked up, excitedly grinning at him as if she had the greatest gossip of all time. “Dazai's married!”
“Yeah, I know, to Mr. Fancy Hat,” Ranpo casually spoiled what the doctor wanted to say, playing with a lollipop in his mouth. “That's exactly why I didn't come out till now. I wasn't in the mood to see their god awful flirting so I waited.”
“You knew?!” Kunikida found his voice again. “When– Since when do you know that?!”
“Like…” Ranpo paused, popping the lollipop out of his mouth, “...about two years? I've known since the first few days Dazai joined the agency.”
“And you didn't think to, I don't know… tell us about it?” Kunikida asked, trying to keep composure but painfully failing to hide the frustration in his voice.
“Dazai gave me a pack of sour patch kids in exchange for not telling anyone about his past in the mafia and marriage until he decided to announce it himself.”
“And you… agreed?”
“Duh? It was a limited edition.”
“Right… of course you did…” Kunikida sighed, disappointed but not surprised in the slightest. He ran his hand through his hair, already feeling a headache coming. And worst of all, he had no idea whether it was solely from the fact that Dazai was married to Chuuya Nakahara or how easily everyone seemed to take it. Probably both.