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Something had changed.
It was a gradual thing, something that sort of just… snuck up on him. Perhaps it had been a long time coming. He was over one-hundred-and-twenty-five years old after all. He was bound to start feeling it at some point, surely. He could not have been the only ghost in all of existence that had started to feel such… inclinations.
No matter the regularity or irregularity of the matter, it had happened, it had changed. He had changed.
It was slow at first.
It began with an awareness that he hadn't had before. Well, maybe it wasn't that he wasn't aware of it exactly… maybe it was more that it was so far in the back of his mind that he hadn't noticed it until it had wormed it's way closer to the forefront, where it could no longer be ignored.
Slowly, he had realised that the vast difference in the times that they had been born into wasn't the only reason why he couldn't relate to Crystal on certain things, or Niko… or even Charles.
There was overlap, sure, but he felt different.
And no, it wasn't that he was homosexual. Or at least, that wasn't the whole reason.
He was… different in another way.
It dawned on him what it was one night when they were all taking a break from work to play games, and they had all started laughing at something that had gone completely over his head. He had failed to understand it and Crystal had jokingly called him an old man.
Suddenly it had been as clear as day to him.
He was an old man.
But he didn't look like one.
No, by all means he still looked the same way that he had looked before he had been murdered, before he had been sacrificed to a demon and spent seventy years in Hell, and then another near-forty years on Earth solving mysteries with Charles.
Of course once that particular can of worms had been opened, the matter started to impact him in other ways. Markedly in the way that their clients would consistently underestimate him for being young and treat him like a child despite the fact that he was over one-hundred-and-twenty-five years old. He was no spring chicken.
And after all that he had been through, all that he had witnessed and experienced through his long existence, he did not feel young anymore. He felt all of the years that he had seen like they had settled deep in his bones.
Edwin remembered seeing his reflection in Hell, in that mirror that had led him into Despair's realm. He was sure that it had not only been his anger at Simon that had led him there, nor the fact that he was suffering again in the same torment that he had been unfairly trapped in for seven decades prior. No, it was also for the very fact that beneath all of that blood that streaked his face, he no longer recognised himself.
Surely that was not his face, not what people saw when they looked at him. Even when he was buttoned up, boots polished, all spick and span… surely that could not be his own face. It wasn't right, it wasn't him. Not really. Not anymore.
It hadn't been him for quite some time.
But he was stuck, perpetually frozen in time, with a face that felt foreign and a body that felt uncomfortable to stand in now that he was aware of its shape.
It was unfair. He had been doing his work so diligently for the past forty years and yet he was stuck in his old school uniform; the uniform for a place that had done nothing but stifle him and force him to endure cruelty and isolation within its prison-like walls.
Why should it be allowed to follow him now, when he had long since left it behind him?
He found himself pondering options for how he might remedy this issue. He wasn't aware of any other ghosts who felt this way or who had managed to figure out how to fix this specific issue. Most just spent their entire ghostly existence looking exactly the way they did when they had died, or, if they had been around for an extended period, some of them looked more like how they had most frequently seen themselves.
Charles was a good example of that. He had managed to manifest his favourite red polo and his jacket, with all of his pin badges on the front. All that Edwin had managed to do was to manifest his school uniform and coat instead of just being in his undergarments. That hadn't particularly been something that he had needed to focus on in order to maintain though, as the humiliation from being in such a state of undress had impacted his image.
Perhaps it had helped that the place he had re-emerged from Hell had been his old school.
At least his uniform was neat and tidy, he supposed. It could have been worse. However, he could not stop himself from feeling upset that he could not seem to move on from this form to something that suited him better.
To put it simply, he was sick of running around as though he were still sixteen and not 7.8125 times older than that.
To his knowledge, there was only one person out there that might be able and willing to help him with this conundrum of his, and it meant that he would have to tread lightly with his friends, so as to not cause them any worry.
He needed a being of magic, a shape-shifter. He needed the Cat King.
-----
The simple act of seeking help was easier said than done, it would seem.
It was a further two weeks before Edwin had managed to both pluck up the courage to visit the Cat King in Port Townsend again, and also to adequately assuage his friends' suspicions. He couldn't tell them where he was going. Charles would surely throw a fit at the thought of him going to see the Cat King on his own and of course, Crystal would back him up. He couldn't tell Niko either, at least not yet. This was something that he needed to do alone and he wasn't sure that he would be able to deal with all of their questions.
So he waited until the time felt right and finally brought it up to his friends.
“I think that I need to spend some time alone.” Edwin started, watching his three friends like a hawk for their reactions.
“What's brought this on then?” Charles said almost immediately, moving closer to his side of the desk. “There's nothing wrong is there? You know you can talk to us if there is, right, mate?”
Bless his kind soul. “I am perfectly fine, I assure you, I just… feel the inexplicable need for some… space.” Edwin replied, knowing already that he would never be able to completely quell their concern.
“I mean, that should be fine, right? You've gone like, what? Forty years with no vacation?” Crystal shrugged, surprisingly unbothered by the suggestion. “You must have a shit-tonne of accrued holiday, right? Honestly the fact that you haven't taken a break in all this time is probably like a major HR problem.”
“Right...” Edwin thought best to agree.
“Everyone needs some space every now and then. It's good to take time for yourself.” Niko looked at him encouragingly. “Where do you think you'll go?”
“Well… I would like to keep that private… if that is alright? I will tell you all about it afterwards, but… I need this to just be for me.” Edwin tried to explain. He hoped that they would understand his feelings.
Charles couldn't have suppressed the look of hurt and concern that crossed his face if he had tried. “I mean… I don't really get, like, why it needs to be secret and all that, but if this is really something you need, then I'm not going to stop you, mate. I'm just a bit confused about why you wanna do it now?”
“I don't need you to understand it, just to allow it.” Edwin replied, gently. “I simply feel that, after some deliberation, it is the right time.”
“You don't need my permission, Edwin.” Charles assured, leaning against the side of the desk. “Do what you've gotta do, yeah.”
“Be that as it may, I still appreciate it.” Edwin offered a sort of half-smile as he folded his hands in front of himself, atop the desk. “I will be going this evening and may not be back for a day or perhaps three, so if it drags on a little, please do not worry about me. If I do think that it is going to take any longer, then I will send word back to you immediately.”
“Several days!?” Charles reeled back in surprise. “I thought this was like a few hours type of deal, yeah? Days?”
“Yes. I do not know how long I will need, but it will certainly be more than just a few hours.” Edwin confirmed.
“Sounds good.” Crystal replied before Charles had the chance. “Let us know when you're coming back.”
“Yes! You should try and have a good time.” Niko nodded along in agreement. “You deserve a break.”
“Thank you Niko, Crystal.” he tilted his head in thanks to both of them. “I will gather my essentials and be on my way.”
They watched him as he made sure that he had his trusty notebook and pen, donned his coat and gloves, patted himself down and then folded his arms neatly behind his back.
“Well, I do believe that that's that then.”
“Careful, mate.” Charles said as Edwin went for the mirror.
Edwin looked back and gave him a sympathetic smile. “I will be alright, Charles. Honestly.”
“Don't do anything I wouldn't do~” Crystal teased as she waved from her seat on their small couch.
Edwin rolled his eyes. “I am perfectly certain that you would do none of the things that I am about to. Don't cause too much trouble while I'm gone.”
“We'll try!” Niko promised, eagerly.
“Wait- what does that mean?” Charles did a double-take upon realising the possible insinuation behind Edwin's words. “Edwin, what does that mean?”
With a final wave, Edwin was already gone.
“Don't worry too much, Charles. Let him have his alone time. He'll be back before you know it.” Crystal said.
“Yeah… yeah, you're probably right.” he huffed a sigh and walked over to join her and Niko. “Which episode are you on?”
“It's the one with the guy in the fish suit.” Niko answered excitedly as she shuffled over. “Come on!” she patted the space that she had created for him. “It's just getting to the good bit!”
There were definitely worse things to distract himself until Edwin got back than watching old episodes of 'What's New Scooby-Doo?', so Charles settled into the offered space and joined them.
-----
When Edwin arrived in Port Townsend, it was only just midday and the air was coated in a thick fog. Generally odd weather for the time of year, but it was a coastal town and those were always notoriously unpredictable. Especially when they were built on ancient ley lines and were filled to the brim with supernatural beings and paranormal phenomena.
He was oddly hesitant now that he was standing there on that familiar dock (well, familiar so far as what he could actually see through the low cloud). It wasn't that he was uncertain about what he wanted; that was something that he knew with his entire being. No, it was more that he didn't know how he was going to broach the subject with the Cat King.
He had not returned to Port Townsend since they had left after dealing with Esther and that had been months ago. He had thought about returning, of visiting the Cat King again for a social call, but there had never been the time nor the opportunity to do so. That, and he didn't know how he would bring it up with Charles. So much turmoil had set in between them when Edwin had been meeting with him before and he didn't want to start with all of that again.
After doing what he had set out to do though, he would not be able to hide where he had been or who he had sought out while he was there.
Edwin took a deep breath, barely able to recall the smell of the sea from those Summers that he had spent on the coast of Cornwall with his grandparents as a child. His parents had thought the fresh air might fix whatever was wrong with him. Little did they know that what was wrong with him was neither wrong nor curable.
Whatever he ended up saying would just have to do, he decided as he trudged onward. The cannery awaited.
-----
“What the fuck do you think you're doing here?” the rude little cat that he had bribed for information hissed at him. “Go away!”
“Oh shit, the ghost twink is back? Boss man is gonna love this.” Another cat – one with longer fur and a more feminine voice – said.
“You got some nerve showing your face around these parts again.” The first cat hissed at him again.
“Look, um...” Edwin trailed off, unsure of how to address the feline.
“Meatball!”
“Meatball, yes. Look, Meatball, I know that we got off on the wrong foot and I am very sorry for the disregard with which I treated you. I should not have put that magic leash on you.” Edwin apologised, hoping that it would at least get him through the door. That, and he really did feel bad about it now that he had had the time to reflect.
The Cat King had opened his eyes to more than he could have ever anticipated.
“Damn right, you shouldn't've done it!” Meatball huffed, tail flicking back and forth.
“What's worse is playing with the king's heart!” the other cat sneered at him.
Edwin baulked at the accusation. “Excuse me? I have never done such a thing.”
“What else would you call what you did? Rejecting him and acting like you like him, kissing him and then never coming back!?” the cat's fur puffed up in agitation as she admonished him. “Playing with him all this time!”
From a crack in the door to the cannery, a large, short-haired ginger cat trotted over to them, interrupting the other two from saying anything else.
“What are you two idiots out here stalling for?” the cat grumbled, audibly older than the other two. “The king is getting antsy.”
“He's better off without the twink!” Meatball argued.
“You think you know what's better for the king than the king himself!?” the older cat snapped before Edwin himself could react with the affront he felt at their insults. “You. Follow me. The king is waiting.” the cat gestured to Edwin before turning and heading back towards the door.
Edwin offered the other two a quick nod of acknowledgement before hurrying after the crotchety ginger.
Once inside, the ginger cat ran off somewhere behind the throne and Edwin walked slowly into the middle of the room. It was much the same as the last time that he had been there, only this time the throne was occupied by a small black cat instead of a large ginger one.
He cleared his throat and stood awkwardly for a moment before speaking. “Hello again. It has… been a while, hasn't it?” The words of those cats were sticking with him and he couldn't suppress the guilt that crept into the back of his mind.
A moment passed before the Cat King transformed in a plume of purple-pink fire. Edwin was struck for a moment, much like the first time that he had seen him. He was beautiful, alluring. His dark hair neatly styled into those familiar finger waves, golden eyes shining warmly in the low light of the cannery. He was wearing a black turtle-neck and a pair of high-waisted black slacks.
“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.” he drawled, standing from his throne and slowly walking down from the dais of pallets. “Took you long enough~” The Cat King finally smiled at him then, and Edwin felt himself relax almost instantly.
“Yes… sorry about that.” Edwin apologised sincerely. He hadn't truly realised how much he had missed the other man until now, when he was seeing him again.
“What brought you back?” The Cat King tilted his head in curiosity and Edwin almost got distracted by the way his subtle gold eye shadow caught the light as he blinked.
“I… Well, actually, I was wondering if you could help me with something?” Edwin answered, a little hesitantly. For some reason, now that he was there, he was feeling… off about showing up there only to ask for something.
He considered his concern justified when the Cat King's expression flickered with something akin to disappointment. “Oh?” he asked. “And what is it that you need my help with, ghostie?”
Edwin hesitated, opening his mouth to speak, but closing it again a few times, struggling to voice what he wanted. The Cat King regarded him with renewed interest, disappointment seemingly forgotten, at least for the time being.
“It's alright, Edwin, you can ask.” he said, and it was like a little bit of the weight that Edwin had been carrying had been lifted away.
“I.. I apologise, I am not exactly sure how to put it all into words.” He tried to think of the best way to word things, how to convey what it was that he was feeling in a way that would make sense. “You are a shape-shifter.” he began.
The Cat King nodded, staying silent so as to allow Edwin to finish organising his thoughts uninterrupted.
“I… I find myself in a bit of a predicament to do with my appearance. That is… I do not feel like myself anymore and I would very much like to rectify that. However, I am unsure of where to even start with such a thing. I don't-” he swallowed. “I don't know how to change things the way that I want to.”
“What would you like me to do for you, Edwin? I can't use magic to change you, if that's what you were hoping for.” The Cat King told him, carefully, watching for his reactions.
“I was hoping that perhaps you would be able to advise me on how I might change myself. Permanently.”
“Are you sure that's what you want?”
Edwin took a breath and levelled the Cat King with determination. “I do not take this lightly, I assure you. I have thought about it at great length. A lot of things changed for me when I met you-”
The Cat King's expression melted into something that was equal parts curious and hopeful. Despite the man's bluster, he really did wear each of his emotions on his sleeve.
Edwin continued, “I learned a lot about myself… I learned to be more considerate of other beings, I learned to accept myself as a homosexual man, and I learned to stop running from change just because it is intimidating.”
The Cat King looked like he was holding his breath as he waited for Edwin to finish what he was saying, so Edwin took mercy on him and decided to get to the point. “When I stopped running from change, I realised something… I realised that I couldn't stay the same as I had always been, the way that I have been trapped in since the day that I was killed. I am not a schoolboy anymore. I spent seventy years in hell and another near-forty running around London and running my own detective agency. I don't feel the way I did back then, I can't stay like this anymore.”
“I'll help you.” the Cat King said, eyes full of that same vulnerability that Edwin had started noticing ever since their argument in the forest all those months ago.
Abruptly, he turned and walked a few paces away. Back turned, he seemed to think on something, posture tense and focused. He stayed like that for around a minute before erupting in his purple flames.
When he turned around again, he was dressed in a three-piece suit much reminiscent of the time when Edwin had been alive. He remembered all too well the professors and gentlemen that walked the streets and halls of 1900s London. It was dark grey with thin, subtly darker pinstripes, the crisp white shirt pulling it together. The ensemble was accessorised with a sparkling golden pocket watch tucked into the waistcoat's pocket and a dark blue bow tie at the collar.
The most notable element, though, was the fact that the Cat King now wore Edwin's face. Only.. there were subtle changes; the slight appearance of lines by his eyes and mouth, a strand or two of greyer hair interspersed throughout the otherwise neatly-styled jet black. The Cat King also held Edwin's body with a relaxed and confident demeanour that retained his graceful posture, but polished it with a more distinguished edge.
“Was this what you had in mind?” he asked, clearly struggling not to openly boast at the clear display of skill. “I don't usually transform into anything I haven't seen before, but I've spent enough time fantasizing about you that I just about managed it.” he smirked with Edwin's lips.
Edwin was not entirely sure what to do with himself. He felt strangely overwhelmed at the sight. Slowly, he approached the Cat King, taking him in with pure wonderment. He raised a hand to touch his own face as it was worn by the other man. The Cat King went quiet as Edwin examined him.
“Is this truly what I could have been? Had it not been stolen from me, could I-” the words got stuck in his throat and he swallowed thickly.
The Cat King looked at him with gentle eyes – eyes that would always unmistakably be his no matter the form he chose to take – and took his hand, the one that had been pressed lightly to his cheek and held it. “You can still be whatever you want to be, Edwin, whatever you need to be. That's why you're here, isn't it? You can feel all those years that you've existed the same way that I feel mine, only you don't know how to look the way you feel.”
“How do I do it?” Edwin asked him, almost helplessly. He was distantly aware of the fact that he was shaking, overwhelmed with the sight before him, with the sight of himself as he could have been, the sight of himself the way that he knew reflected him better than any mirror ever could have. “How do I make my outside match?”
“Take it all in, ghostie, the feel of the fabric, the skin, the hair, the way that it changes your features in subtle ways. Then, focus on the way you feel inside, all those years that you feel like you lost, all the years that you've been a detective and then learn to expect them. Your ghost form is so often dictated by how you looked when you died because it's how you expect yourself to look. You can't look like this yet because you aren't used to it.” the Cat King explained. “So soak it all in, ghostie, and get used to it.”
“How long will it take before I can look like this?” Edwin needed to know, impatient now that he had seen it. Before seeing his reflection in hell, he had almost forgotten what he looked like and it hadn't felt like him, scared and hurt, and desperate. He didn't want to be that anymore, it wasn't who he was. No, he was Detective Edwin Payne, professional ghost detective of nearly four decades.
The face that the Cat King showed him was one that he recognised as his own far more than what he had been shown in hell. He looked in his late twenties, or maybe more like his early to mid-thirties. It made sense that someone under as much stress as he was would start getting grey hairs a little early. The fact that they were so sparse made it feel more realistic.
Just how often had the Cat King thought of him that he could create something like this in only a minute or two? Had he really left such an impression?
“Did you… think about me?” Edwin found himself asking unintentionally. Truly, he had meant to keep that curiosity inside his head.
“Nearly every moment~” the Cat King replied with a pleased smirk. Clearly he was enjoying the inadvertent admission that Edwin wanted the Cat King to have been thinking about him.
“Nearly?” Edwin asked again, without thinking.
“Well, sometimes I was thinking about tuna.” the Cat King teased.
Edwin let out a quiet chuckle and the Cat King revelled in it.
“What about you, Edwin? Did you think about me?” the Cat King's voice was teasing, but there was something in his expression that gave him away. It was strange watching those emotions on his own face.
“All the time.” He had already likely said too much. It wasn't worth skirting the truth now. “I regret not having had the time to come back here sooner for less complicated reasons.” he paused as he considered his own words. “Perhaps less complicated isn't really accurate.”
“How long will you stay?” the Cat King asked, his golden eyes painfully hopeful.
“As long as it takes for me to change… and then… in far more frequent intervals, I'd assume.” Edwin replied with a smile not entirely absent of mischief.
“Well, you know you'll always be welcome in my kingdom, Edwin~” the Cat King winked at him and despite him still wearing Edwin's face, Edwin felt himself blushing. He just hoped that it wasn't all that visible on a ghost. It wasn't something that he had really thought about up until that moment.
“Good to know.”
“Would you like me to try it with a few different outfits?” the Cat King suggested. “A few teaks in the colours?”
“No… at least, not yet. This is… this is perfect.” This felt far more like looking into his reflection than seeing his actual face in a mirror had, which was… something.
“You'll get used to it eventually, Edwin. And when you do, that's when the change will happen.” the Cat King said, boldly reaching out for Edwin's hand, hesitating only for Edwin to diminish the remaining distance. “You could start with the clothes?” he continued, playing with Edwin's fingers as though he were entirely fascinated by the fact that he was being allowed to indulge. “You can already change those, right?”
“Oh… yes, I suppose I can give it a try.” Edwin's mind was only half-present, partially distracted by the warmth that was emanating from the Cat King's hand. He hadn't realised how much he would be able to feel of the other man. He couldn't just feel the heat of his living body, he could feel the texture of his skin and the way it moved across his hand as more than the simple awareness of being touched.
Fascinating.
Opting to force himself away from that interesting little discovery, he focused on what had been suggested to him. Start small and change his clothing first.
He started by truly taking in the details of the outfit that the Cat King had put him in, admiring the stitching and tailoring of the suit, the placement of the pinstripes, the embellished patterns etched into the little silver buttons. He ran his hands tentatively over the sleeves, the Cat King having dropped his hand in order to accommodate his exploration. Edwin marvelled at the way he could feel the fabric beneath his fingers, noting the high quality of the material.
He continued up to the shirt collar, running his fingers along the edge and, unable to help himself, he straightened the bow tie before running both palms over the lapels of the blazer. Next, he reached for the pocket watch and pulled it out, examining the magical symbols that were etched into its casing before flipping it open to properly admire the timepiece.
“I don't recognise the symbols on the front.” Edwin commented, absently as he watched the three hands of the analogue clock slowly moving with a gentle tick, tick, tick.
“It's one of my own. You can use it as an emergency teleport.” the Cat King explained, leaving Edwin feeling a little touched at the gesture.
“And where will it take me?”
“Ideally, right into my arms, but really wherever you feel safest.” The Cat King carried on talking before the implications of that sentence could have Edwin asking uncomfortable questions. “So, probably your office back in London. I'm sure you have plenty of your own wards set up to protect that place.”
Edwin let the words rest for a moment as he continued with his task, only answering with a quiet hum of acknowledgement. As his hands continued to wander, he realised that the next location on his course would be awkward from this angle.
“Do you mind taking a seat?” he asked, only looking back up at the Cat King's face when he took a beat too long to respond.
“You… want me to sit?”
“I do have to get accustomed to more than just the jacket, do I not?” Edwin raised an eyebrow.
The Cat King swallowed thickly and slowly backed up, stepping up onto the dais and then lowered himself back onto his throne. Edwin followed and before the Cat King could ask him what he was going to do, Edwin's hands were on his thighs.
The Cat King sucked in a breath and held it as Edwin smoothed his palms down his legs to his knees, and then down to his ankles. Edwin held the fabric between his fingers, as though he were trying to gauge the stitch and thread count just from touch alone.
The Cat King shuddered against his will and Edwin looked up at him. He had not been prepared for that particular view and he almost transformed back as his concentration faltered.
“Are you alright?” Edwin had never expected to see such an expression on his own features.
“Peachy.” The Cat King replied, breathlessly.
Edwin regarded him for a long moment before standing up again and straightening his blazer. “I think that I am ready to try...”
He took a deep breath – something that calmed him despite him being unable to physically draw any air into his lungs – and closed his eyes. He focused on what the Cat King had looked like in those clothes, or more so what he had looked like in those clothes. He thought deeply about the way that the fabric beneath his fingers felt, the way that it had wrapped around his body. He absorbed what parts had clung to him in which places and which parts were looser, the shine of the leather and of the buttons.
When he opened his eyes, he looked down at himself to see that he had indeed successfully transformed his clothes. He looked back at the Cat King, who still looked like an older him, and he could feel the smile forming on his face as the fact that he had done it sunk in.
“You're a quick learner.” the Cat King said, impressed at the speed with which Edwin managed to accurately change his clothes.
“So I've been told.” Edwin replied, his smile turning a little prideful. “I do hope that the rest will come to me as easily.”
“Will you need to touch me up again for that?” the Cat King playfully bit his lip and gave Edwin a sultry once-over.
“Good heavens it is bizarre seeing those expressions on my own face. Stop that, will you?” Edwin cringed. He could not fathom ever behaving with such little decorum.
“Aww~, am I offending those old fashioned sensibilities again?”
“It's not all that objectionable when it's you, but you still have my face on and I find it terribly perturbing.”
“Oh? Want me to change back?” The Cat King asked, clearly enjoying the fact that Edwin had admitted – albeit inadvertently – that he enjoyed his flirtations.
“Well...” Edwin looked away, feeling himself flush even if his cheeks were incapable of actually turning pink. “I… I should probably get this shape-shifting business sorted out first, shouldn't I?” Goodness he didn't know why he was behaving this way. The Cat King seemed to have a special way of affecting him. “I- I mean...”
The Cat King leaned back and smiled, knowingly. With a flick of his wrist and a burst of flame, he summoned a picture of himself in his current form, shape-shifted into an older Edwin. He held it out in front of him. “Here.” he said, gently.
Edwin hesitated for only a moment before reaching out and taking it, running a finger over the surface of the photograph.
“I can get you a black and white version if you like… just so it looks a little more like what you would have had back when you were alive.” the Cat King offered, causing Edwin to look back up at him instead of down at the photograph.
“You would do that?” Edwin asked, surprised at the thoughtfulness despite what had already been given to him. A part of him wanted to start asking what he would have to provide the Cat King in return, but he also did not wish to offend.
Rather than speaking, the Cat King simply summoned another picture and handed that one to Edwin as well. It was black and white, as promised, and showed his older self standing by a brick wall. It looked like something that he might have taken if he had lived long enough. What kind of person would he have been? A professor of some kind? Or a private detective? He could definitely have seen himself going down either path.
A warm feeling spread throughout him as it sank in all over again that he had managed to achieve one of those careers, even though he hadn't been able to live it.
Edwin had never really mourned the life that he could have had, had never really missed the life that he had been living. The existence that he had now was far more fulfilling than his life had ever been and despite being dead, he had never felt more alive.
That being said, he didn't know if he could honestly say that he was completely content. He was there, after all, asking for the Cat King's help to change himself. He had thought about what he wanted at great length and perhaps this change was another way for him to leave his life in the past and fully embrace who he was in the here and now.
“The face and body will come with time. Like I said, you just have to learn to expect what you want to see.” the Cat King leaned back, regarding Edwin with thoughtfulness. He chose that moment to transform back into himself and Edwin felt an immediate and odd sense of relief wash over him to see the other's real face again. “You've already done a great job with the clothes, but don't let that discourage you if the rest doesn't come as easily.”
“Do you… believe that I may truly be able to achieve what I want without… reverting?” Edwin asked, hesitantly.
“It probably won't be perfect at first – maybe even never – but you won't know your limits until you try to push past them.”
“So you mean to say that I should not get my hopes up then.” Edwin frowned.
The Cat King leaned forward again and reached out to take one of Edwin's hands in his own. His expression was one of empathy when Edwin met his eyes. “I mean to say that you shouldn't put too much pressure on yourself to get it on the first try. Or the second, or third, or tenth, or even hundredth. It's a learning curve.” He took a breath and gently swiped his thumb over the back of Edwin's hand. “Having hope for yourself is never a mistake. You should always have hope.”
“Alright… Well, thank you.” Edwin found himself… touched. If he hadn't already, then he was sure that he should start to readjust his expectations of the Cat King. Things had obviously changed since Edwin's last trip to Port Townsend. It appeared that what he saw of the Cat King right before he had left was a more accurate vision of the man than the impression that he had gotten initially. “I think that I much prefer you when you are yourself,” he said.
“Did you really miss this handsome face that much?” the Cat King teased, turning his face from side to side, playfully showing off.
“That as well.” Edwin replied with a smirk revelling in the sudden look of surprise that crossed the Cat King's face as he caught on to Edwin's true meaning.
–----
Edwin kept the photographs that had been given to him in the breast pocket of his blazer (the new one which he had finally gotten the hang of consistently manifesting). He found himself unable to decide which one of them he favoured. The black and white one was so reminiscent of his time, but the coloured one placed him in the here and now. He supposed that if nothing else, the coloured one allowed him to get a more accurate look at himself.
He had been attempting to master his ability to change this appearance for two weeks, with the Cat King's help in manipulating the way that time flowed inside the cannery. Outside, it had only been two days.
He wasn't sure what he had been doing wrong for the first week, but eventually the Cat King's advice had clicked properly into place. It was one thing hearing it and another to understand the application. To expect what he wanted to see to just be there.
It was tremendously difficult to achieve and yet, something that could be phrased so simply.
It had been an experience staying with the Cat King, one that was nothing like what he had assumed it would be before he had walked through that mirror. The fact that the man had been so willing to help him with this had been the first surprise and it had been one more after another ever since.
The library that he had been spending the vast majority of his time in had perhaps been the most pleasant of the things that he had discovered. No. No, if he was more honest with himself then it was the many more facets of the Cat King himself that had truly been the most pleasant.
The monarch's company was something that had become more than welcome to him, whether he happened to be in his human form or his feline. There had been a couple of occasions on which he had approached Edwin whilst he was reading and had curled up on his lap for hours (it was much harder to say no when he was a little black cat. Especially when he bumped his head against Edwin's hand and started purring).
“Edwin!” the Cat King exclaimed, appearing in front of him as he rounded the corner of a bookshelf.
“Good heavens, give a man some warning, will you?” Edwin startled, taking an instinctive step back.
“Edwin, you did it!” the Cat King exclaimed again, making no sense at all.
“Whatever do you mean? What have I done exactly?” Edwin questioned.
The Cat King brought both of his hands up to cup Edwin's cheeks and grinned at him with excitement. “You look like yourself!”
“Well I should hope so.” Edwin said before the implications of what the Cat King had said finally dawned on him and his eyes widened. When his eyes met the Cat King's the other man was nodding eagerly as though to affirm his realisation. “I look like myself?”
“You look like yourself.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“I look like myself!” Edwin exclaimed this time, and he could feel the joy flooding his features.
The Cat King took on a gentler expression and stroked his thumb across Edwin's cheekbone, reminding him of where his hands had taken residence. Suddenly Edwin felt a little bashful. He could feel the Cat King's warmth radiating from the palms of his hands.
Against his will, his eyes flicked down to the Cat King's lips and lingered there.
Distantly, he heard the Cat King's breath catch and he absently wondered if perhaps it was because he had noticed the subject of Edwin's distraction.
It was something that they had doubtlessly been dancing around since they had met; certainly they had been close to it since their parting.
Making a decision, he leaned closer, waiting for the Cat King to do the same before closing the distance. He had just enough time to see the other man's eyes flutter closed before their lips met and Edwin closed his eyes as well. He sank into the feeling like it was inevitable, like it had always been meant for him. For them.
He broke the kiss only to allow the Cat King a breath before diving back in.
“Edwin.” the Cat King whispered against his lips between kisses.
“Your majesty.” Edwin responded.
“Call me Thomas. Please.” The Cat King corrected him with the revelation of his name.
“Thomas.” Edwin murmured breathlessly.
When they eventually parted long enough to speak to each other again, they did not stray far, their hands still grasping onto each other.
“I really hope that wasn't a one-time thing.” Thomas panted. “It didn't feel like a one-time thing.”
“I think… that I would very much like to do that as many times as possible going forward.” Edwin grinned, unable to help himself.
Thomas let out a breathy laugh and leaned up to peck his lips again. “Glad to know we're on the same page.” He paused and frowned for a second as another thought occurred to him. “And, it won't be casual, will it? I have a lot of feelings for you Edwin and not one of them is casual.”
“Have you forgotten my old fashioned sensibilities so soon, Thomas? I very much intend to take this seriously. I am a firm believer in exclusivity between partners.” Edwin tightened his hold on Thomas' hips, where they had ended up at some point during their… spontaneous activities.
“Good.” Thomas nodded. “Fuck, I love it when you say my name.” he leaned his head back and bit his lip before focusing and looking back at Edwin. “When do you have to be back in London?”
“Well,” Edwin smiled playfully. “I do remember telling them that it would be about three days, and it has thus far been only two days for them. By my calculations, that gives us an additional week, does it not?”
“That it does~” Thomas looked positively gleeful and he wasted no time in connecting their lips again now that he had been given that confirmation. “We should probably make the most of it then. You can take your new body for a spin.”
“Do not get too far ahead of yourself now.” Edwin chuckled, feeling himself become flustered.
“I'll try~” Thomas replied, already thinking up ways to entice Edwin into some more adventurous activities.
-----
When Edwin arrived back at the office, he hadn't been sure of what to expect from his friends. After all, he would be showing them a version of himself that they would not be expecting and potentially may not even recognise.
“Good evening...” he greeted them hesitantly, watching their reactions as he waited for the shock to clear from their expressions. “I have returned from my excursion.”
“Edwin?” Crystal was the first to ask, sounding completely disbelieving.
“Edwin!” Niko shot up, looking absolutely gleeful at the sight of him with his new look. She had likely already guessed exactly where it was that he had been.
“Mate...” Charles was agape. “What happened?”
“A great many things in all honesty.” Edwin replied a little flustered and hoping that the reaction would become a little more positive once the initial surprise wore off.
“You look old. I mean, like older.” Crystal said, standing up from the small couch to give him a more detailed once-over. “It suits you.”
“Is that really you?” Charles asked, moving closer as well so that he could really take in the changes.
“Yes...” the word came out hesitant at first, but he forced himself to remember himself and the way that he had felt for the past three weeks, and regained his confidence. “Yes. It's me.”