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Bee's not sure why he asks. Thirty-five years on Earth, and he'd experienced every season at least once. Summer, spring, autumn, winter. Four seasons, four very different weather patterns during different times of the year. Each season wasn't the same in different parts of the world either. In the South, there's not as much snow during winter as there is in the North. And that's just in the United States. Around the world it's different, too. Some places never experience summer, others never experience winter.
Breakdown moved around a lot, and Bee didn't think he'd ever participated in winter races. It was much different than the races that took place during the other seasons. Maybe he's just curious. It's not a loaded question, though it could be. Breakdown missed home, and to Bee, Earth was home. He'd been away so long, and he didn't have many good memories of Cybertron. Earth was different, Earth had his family. He wasn't sure he could just up and leave them if given the chance. But Breakdown? He had nothing keeping here.
So, maybe to Bee, the question was more, "Is there anything good about this place?" If not me, then what could make you stay? Maybe Bee just wants to know, so he can learn something new about Breakdown. Breakdown surprised him a lot, maybe his answer would surprise Bee. Bee knew his answer. His favorite season was summer. The weather was usually clear, and even in the heat there were ways to cool down that he liked. There was the beach or just playing with the water hose with the kids—though Nightshade had had to invent bot sized sprinklers.
They're having a quiet moment, and it's autumn—or fall, depending on where you're from—and the sun is dipping low on the horizon, and the warmth of the sun is fading as the cool night winds blow in. These days, they weren't needed. The fighting had lulled, and the world wasn't ending, so Bee and Breakdown had driven up north, to a forested state called Maine. Somehow Bee convinced Breakdown to go with him on a cross-country road trip, with promises of racing on every track they could find along the way. They'd tried to find a track in Maine, only to find that it was in the process of being torn down.
("What a waste of good road," Breakdown had said.)
Instead, Bee suggested they visit an old lighthouse, since it'd be on their way out anyway. Breakdown grumbled, but agreed, so long as the next state they visited had a racetrack. Bee said he couldn't make any promises, but he'd try.
So, they sat on a cliff, listening to the waves crash on the rocks. The lighthouse was a lighthouse, but they'd had the chance to watch the sunset over the ocean, so the trip wasn't a complete waste. It was quiet, and Breakdown was staring off at the sun while it set, and Bee started to feel the cold seep in, and he wondered what Breakdown might think. He'd traveled out of the country, raced across the world. He had to have as much as experience as Bee with Earth weather. Did he like it? Was it too different from Cybertron? Could he learn to love it the way Bee had? Could it make him stay?
He hadn't meant to worry himself so much. It was just a question. It wasn't a deep one either. The sort of shallow question you ask on a first date so you can get to know a person. Some people believe you can discern personality traits with your answer. Spring was for new beginnings, fall was for reflection, summer was for passion, and winter was for introspection. Bee didn't need a question like that to know Breakdown's personality. He knew Breakdown. But knowing him didn't mean he could predict him.
He asks, because—well, he doesn't know and maybe asking will help him know.
"Breakdown," he says, so softly he thinks it might've been washed away by the sounds of the waves. Breakdown looks at him, and Bee says, "What's your favorite season?"
Breakdown makes a face, and for a moment, Bee thinks he might laugh and brush him off. Breakdown turns to look out at the water again, his fingers tapping the ground. Bee is about to tell him to forget it, when Breakdown says, "I don't think I have one."
Bee blinks. He'd thought there was only four answers to that question. He hadn't expected Breakdown not to know. Was that a sign? Did Breakdown not care enough about the weather on Earth to have an opinion? Bee was overthinking hard, he knew that, but he had needed a straight answer from Breakdown. Every answer meant something, even Breakdown's.
Bee looked down. Should he ask Breakdown to elaborate? Maybe he liked them all so much that he couldn't choose. Breakdown began talking again, but Bee kept his head down.
"Do you have a favorite season?"
Bee did, but what did knowing his favorite season mean to Breakdown? Was he just keeping the conversation going? Or would Bee's answer be significant, the way Bee was sure Breakdown's would have been for him?
He should just be honest, because he had thought about it enough to have a favorite.
"Winter," Bee said, he picked his head up to look at Breakdown, wondering if Breakdown would know he was lying.
Breakdown hummed, nodding, and what did that mean?
"Then, I guess I like winter, too."
Bee blinked. What?
"Your favorite can't be my favorite," Bee said, brows together and squinting, like he might be able to see into Breakdown's mind and know what he was really thinking.
"Why not?" Breakdown said, laughing. "You've got good taste. Sometimes."
Bee ignored the jab to frown. "Well, then why winter? You don't know why I like winter. We could have different reasons."
"It's just the weather, Bee," Breakdown said. "It doesn't actually mean anything."
Bee huffed. He didn't want to start an argument, because it did mean something. To Bee it did, anyway. Maybe Bee got his answer. Breakdown didn't care enough to have an opinion. And wasn't that just a little heartbreaking.
They spent a few more weeks in the Northeast. Along the way they raced on the New Hampshire Speedway, which would host a Christmas lights event in December, but they weren't staying that long, and Breakdown didn't care much for Christmas.
("Christmas is a winter holiday, so wouldn't that be something that would lead you to like winter?"
"What is your hold-up, Bee? Human holidays aren't all that interesting, that's all.")
They traveled down south to Connecticut, to the third oldest racing venue in the country: Lime Rock Park. When Breakdown learned the fastest time was 43 seconds and some change, he attempted to beat it, but the closest he got was 45.182 seconds, which annoyed him enough that he didn't feel like staying there much longer.
Of course, they went back to Pennsylvania to see the Pocono Race Track, which Breakdown bragged about getting the chance to race on before they realized he wasn't part of the roster and promptly kicked him out of the practice race.
("Why didn't we start here?" Breakdown asked.
"Because cross-country road trips usually go across the country.")
After some begging, Bee agreed to go to New York to see The Glen. Actually, unbeknownst to Bee, Breakdown had signed up for a racing event several months prior, and they just so happened to be traveling, which worked out for Breakdown because it meant he got the racing experience he wanted. Bee didn't ask how Breakdown got the money to fund that, because he had to assume Breakdown had money from winning tons of other races. Really, the better question was, "How do you have a bank account?"
Apparently, Breakdown had tried to race here many times before, but he hadn't kept track of his racing records, and without them, they wouldn't allow him to sign up for the highest level, and he didn't want to get stuck with one race with no actual risks. He did it all without revealing that he was really an alien from a planet several thousand light-years away, so Bee had to give him credit.
Then, they went south for a while, stopping in Summit Point, West Virginia, then Charlotte, North Carolina, and then Hampton, Georgia. By the end of November, they were in Florida, which had a couple places Breakdown had wanted to go. Bee had thought he'd want to straight to Daytona, but Breakdown said there was an event in Sebring that they could make it to if they drove nonstop.
Bee wanted to know, but Breakdown said it would be a surprise. They booked it down I-75, not stopping for a moment until they made it to the Sebring International Speedway. The smell of burning rubber was particularly strong, and soon, Bee realized why Breakdown had wanted to come here. It was a drift circuit.
From morning to night they spent drifting around the track, in perfect sync. These people knew how to have fun. They had motorcycles stunting high ramps over drifting cars, and Bee let himself have that time because that was the point of this trip. When the event was over, they drove—somehow not tired from the constant driving they'd been doing lately—to the east coast to sit on the beach, while the skies were still clear and the moon was high—their only source of light.
Despite the late hour, there were still people around, and they became quite the sight, seeing as there wasn't a heavy bot presence in this state. Breakdown posed for pictures, winking and joking with any humans who weren't scared of the logo on his chest. Bee got recognized a lot more than he thought he would, especially from fans who hadn't yet caught with the times. (Bee thought it was amazing that he'd been in the public eye for a while now, and the country was so large that there were people who didn't know he was alive).
Eventually, they were left alone, and Bee noticed that Breakdown was shivering.
"Cold?" Bee asked, smiling, bumping their shoulders.
"A bit," Breakdown smiled. "I thought this was the Sunshine State. It was like 88 degrees earlier. It's in the 40s now for sure."
"Now who cares about the weather," Bee teased.
"I've only been here in the summer," Breakdown said. "For a NASCAR thing. The air is really wet and I feel tacky afterwards."
"I like summers in Virginia," Bee said. "Plus, the mountains are fun. Reminds me of—" Bee was going to say Cybertron. Not home. Cybertron hadn't been home for a long time, but to catch himself saying the name of the planet rather than what it used to be. It was jarring.
Breakdown finished Bee's sentence. "Home, right?"
Bee nodded, a bit guilty.
"Think we'll see those mountains again?" Breakdown asked. Bee wanted to say yes, if only to comfort Breakdown. In truth, he didn't really care if he saw them again. Maybe on a visit, something like this trip—spend time away from home, but home is where he'll end up. Home was Earth. Home was Witwicky, Pennsylvania, and all Cybertron would ever be was a visit. Bee felt his spark ache.
"I don't know," Bee said. He stopped and looked up. He knew where Cybertron was, even if he couldn't see it. Across the galaxy, nestled in the stars, was a place Bee knew once. A place Breakdown would do anything to get back to. And Bee? He hated himself, because all he wanted was for Breakdown to forget Cybertron, to stay with him. To call Earth home, to learn to love it the way Bee had.
Bee looked away from the sky to Breakdown, who had walked ahead not realizing Bee had stopped. He smiled, a half-smile that meant something Bee couldn't decipher at the moment.
"It's almost winter," Bee said. "Your favorite right?"
"So I've said. Why? Change your mind because I said it was mine?"
"No," Bee said, rolling his optics. "I just think fall's been nice lately. I think maybe fall's my favorite."
"Whatever you say, Bee," Breakdown shook his head and kept on walking.
Winter came when they were in Kentucky, having screwed around a bit in the south, enjoying the weather before they headed more north. They saw Nashville and Indianapolis, with a brief stop at the Michigan International Speedway and a couple days in Wisconsin—for Road America—while Bee told Breakdown about their thing with cheese. Breakdown didn't find it very amusing and soon they were in Minnesota. There was only one track here, but there was mostly snow—a lot of it—and Breakdown was learning about ice skating.
"What does this have to do with racing?" Breakdown grumbled. "We were just in Indiana, that was loads more fun."
"Because this road trip isn't just about you, Breakdown," Bee said. "Besides, our next stop is somewhere you want to go, and there's not a lot of race tracks up here."
It was nearing the end of January, and Bee couldn't believe they'd been on the road for almost three months. Most cross-country road trips didn't take this long, but those people didn't have Breakdown. Besides, Bee didn't just have the locations in mind. He wanted to experience each season in a different part of the country, because maybe Breakdown might find a place he really liked. For now, they were watching kids ice skate.
"I guess it's a little pretty," Breakdown admitted. They watched as a skater whipped themselves into the air, spinning so fast it made them dizzy just watching it. "What was that?" Breakdown asked, optics wide.
"I can't really tell from this far," Bee said. "But a lot of ice skating contains those jumps. I think they're scored on how many times they spin."
Breakdown was so close to Bee that they were nearly on top of each other. Bee knew why: the heat. It was probably two degrees right now! For a week, Bee was worried they'd missed the snow, because when they got there, it wasn't very snowy. (After a bit of research, he learned that the temperatures tended to increase for a little before falling again, so he asked that Breakdown bear with him while they waited for the snow again.)
The snow had come again, alright. Bee and Breakdown didn't exactly have winter clothes, but so long as the temperatures weren't below zero for a long time, they were fine. At night, they found enclosed garages to recharge in while they waited for the day to break again.
Not that Bee was against huddling for warmth. Maybe he liked winter more than he thought, if it only meant Breakdown would stay this close to him forever. (And wasn't that a thought).
Breakdown eventually discovered ice hockey, which he believed to be more his style. Bee thought it was fun, but he felt a bad kind of tingly watched humans slam each other into glass panes, and pummel each other over small disrespects. Bee wasn't surprised that Breakdown liked it.
In the end, Breakdown decided he really did like winter. Though, not every aspect. He told Bee, "Those spiky tires hurt, but you kinda need them in this place."
Bee agreed. Although, it had led to a hilarious moment where Breakdown decided he didn't need proper ice gear, and he went slip-sliding all over the highway. He'd managed to avoid every single car, and once Bee realized that no one was hurt—excluding Breakdown's pride—he'd laughed so hard he ended up slipping, too. Bee let Breakdown know that hockey didn't need the weather to exist, and Breakdown was happy to know he could view the sport in other places.
The snow kept up as they made their way across the trackless north, and soon they were in Spokane. There wasn't much to see or do in Washington in terms of racing, though it did lead to a short lesson for Breakdown.
("I thought Washington was a city in Maryland."
"It's not really in any state, it's its own thing. This Washington is the state, the other one is something else."
Breakdown hummed thoughtfully and said, "Is this like the time I got confused about Paris, Kentucky?"
"Yeah. Would you believe me if I said there was like four states with cities called Paris?"
"Yes," Breakdown sighed. "I would.")
After a few days in the Northwest, they decided to make their way down to California. There was a lot to do there, and the early blooms of spring could be seen, and Bee couldn't be happier. He'd wanted them to stay here for at least a month, mostly so Bee could spend some time relaxing on the beach. He never really had the chance for a vacation, and now was the best time to really experience Cali.
Their first stop, of course, was Sonoma Raceway. There weren't many events going on in February, so they had free reign of the track when no one was around. They definitely left marks of their presence, but that was for security guards to figure out, and Bee and Breakdown to giggle about when they got back to Witwicky.
There were about eight tracks, including Sonoma, for Bee and Breakdown to hit in nearly a perfect straight shot, so the rest of February and well into March was spent essentially hijacking practice races and leaving donut shaped tire marks for people to wonder about. Spring was wonderful. It rained a good bit, but Bee didn't care. Rain or shine, he and Breakdown were racing.
They'd been on the road for five months, and Bee had to admit, he was feeling a little homesick. It wasn't the first time he'd been homesick. Over thirty years ago he was homesick for Cybertron, and then for a while he was just plain sick—sick of Earth, sick of the Autobots, sick of hiding, pretending he was dead while not being able to stay in any one spot for a long time.
He messaged with the kids a lot the first couple months, but now they were back in school—at least Mo and Robby were—and their chats lessened more and more. It wasn't like Bee was never returning home, and there was that saying: "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Bee felt a little hopeless. Usually, when he thought of home, he thought of the Maltos, and of the Autobots. But recently when he thought of home he thought of Breakdown.
They'd just spent almost half an Earth year in each other's company nonstop. They'd fought a couple times, and when they were snowed it for a bit back in early January they'd gone stir-crazy and nearly started physically fighting. Yet, Bee couldn't imagine his life without him, and it was hard to recall the times where they were without each other. They'd spent more time together now—on this trip—than they had in all their years on Cybertron, before a war ripped them apart.
Bee was feeling homesick, but at the same time he thought that if Breakdown left, then that feeling would never go away—even if he crawled his way back to Witwicky with his tail tucked between his legs—heartbroken for the third time in his life, all from the same mech.
What was he supposed to do? Tell Breakdown their trip was over because Bee had gone and screwed it up? That his plan had backfired because instead of convincing Breakdown to stay, all he had done was create memories of Breakdown in over twenty states? That somewhere along the way, Bee's spark got lost and now he couldn't figure out where home was? There was the place he was born, or he guessed created, and then there was the place his family was. And there was Breakdown, creeping his way into every part of Bee's life. His spark was torn in three, and Bee was having a hard time figuring out how to choose what was the most important thing in his life.
Somewhere between Los Angeles and Las Vegas, Bee had come to a horrible realization. The dry spring air of the desert, and the warmth from the sun, the hot road on his hotter tires, he felt it in his spark—a truth he had been denying himself for a long time. Spring was for new beginnings, but this wasn't new. This had been building since before the war, when Bee was just a fan in a crowd in a race he wasn't even supposed to be at.
He just had to hope that since they survived separation once, they could do it again. If Breakdown chose to leave, Bee would just have to deal with that loss, no matter how much it hurt to know that he wouldn't be Breakdown's first choice. But then again, Bee couldn't figure out his first choice, so who was he to judge Breakdown?
Bee was so lost in thought, he barely heard Breakdown talking to him.
"I guess spring isn't so bad," Breakdown had said.
"What?"
"If I had to pick a favorite season," Breakdown said, not bothered by Bee's lack of awareness. "Spring wouldn't be a bad choice. But it's not summer."
"Why bring up summer?" Bee asked.
"Because it's your favorite," Breakdown said easily.
"How'd you know—"
"C'mon, Bee," Breakdown said, and Bee could hear the smile in his voice as they drove down the empty road. "I know you."
Bee was miserable as they drove to Las Vegas, and Breakdown couldn't for the life of him figure out why. Bee had still had three months of the trip planned out, with plans of making their way east to Roswell—because they were aliens and it was funny—and then north to Colorado and Kansas before heading down south to Texas. Nine months, four seasons, and at least half the United States traveled. If Bee had more time, if he was smarter, he might've taken Breakdown to other countries, to show him that this wasn't the whole planet. There was a world out there that they could explore together.
There was Suzuka in Japan, Spa in Belgium, Monza in Italy, Le Mans in France. There was Formula 1 and NASCAR and WEC and MotoGP—a hundred ways to race on a thousand different tracks. They had time, if only Breakdown could see that. There were things here for him that could make Earth home. He'd already raced in a hundred different Earth races, what was a hundred more? Breakdown could never get tired of racing and Bee was—
He wasn't worth staying for.
Bee's mood was noticeably down for the rest of the month, and soon it was April, and Breakdown couldn't take it anymore. They were somewhere in Arizona, where it was miles of nothing, and Bee wasn't talking. The silence was tense, almost on the edge of awkward, but not quite there, and Bee guessed that Breakdown had enough because he braked hard enough to leave marks. When Bee reversed to see what happened, Breakdown transformed and said, "Do you have something to say?"
Bee transformed—feeling bits of sand crunch between his joints as he did—and asked, "What?"
"You've been off since that last track in California," Breakdown said. He stopped to think and said, "Yeah, that's the right one."
"What are you talking about?" Bee said, getting defensive because he didn't know what else to do.
"Is it because you think I endangered those humans? Because I thought we agreed there was no harm done."
"No, that's not it."
"Then what is it? Is it because I can't pick a favorite season? I don't know how many times I have to say it but I don't know. And I really don't care enough to think about it."
"No!" Bee said, exasperated. "It's not about stupid seasons! I just have nothing to talk about, so let's get back on the road. We have a trip to finish."
"I'm not going anywhere until you spill why you're sulking."
Bee gaped. "I am not sulking."
"You are! This is exactly how you get when you're sulking."
"What do I have to sulk about? The trip's been very fun up until this moment."
"I don't know why. That's why I'm asking. Would you rather I just ignored you and gave you the cold shoulder?" Breakdown raised a mocking eyebrow while he did so, and Bee scoffed.
"I would rather we keep driving, because it's nothing but rocks for a while and I want to be out of here."
"We're not going anywhere until you tell me the truth."
Bee squeezed his hands into fists. "It doesn't matter!" He yelled it, and it echoed across the empty expanse of the desert. "I doesn't matter because you'll be gone soon and no matter where you go I'm staying right here, and there's nothing I can do about it!"
Bee was shaking, and Breakdown looked a little dumbstruck.
Bee said, "And it's not because you can't pick a season, but maybe it is, because I have a favorite season, because I like Earth enough to have a favorite. Because I want to stay here and experience summer over and over with Robby, Mo, Hashtag, Twitch, Thrash, Nightshade, and Jawbreaker! I want you to have a reason to stay because—" Bee stopped talking to wave his arms around as if to pick the right words out of the air.
"Because I'm home," Bee finally said with devastation clearly on his face as he stared at Breakdown. "And you're not."
"Bee…"
"This whole trip was because I wanted you to find something you could stay for. If not for me, then for an experience you can get here that you can't get on Cybertron. You miss home, and I don't because home is in Witwicky and I can't change that. But if you leave—" Bee's vocalizer broke. "If you leave it'll be like my spark is ripped in half."
Bee didn't mean to say it, but he was already spilling everything else, so why not this?
"I love you, and I have for a long time and every time you leave it's the worst moment of my life, but I have to let you because I don't own you. You have your own life even if—" Bee looked at the ground, almost shameful. "Even if I'm not in it."
"You love me?"
Bee scoffed. "That's all you got from that?"
"I—" Breakdown started. He moved close to Bee, but Bee couldn't meet his optics. Bee flinched when Breakdown grabbed his hands. "Look at me," Breakdown said. It wasn't really a command, and it was said so softly that Bee did it. Breakdown's optics were shining, but his face was serious.
"You just had to ask me," he said. Bee frowned, "Nothing is ever that easy with you."
Breakdown laughed. "That's true but—Bee I could've left for Cybertron a long time ago. I didn't because I was hoping you would ask me to stay. I wanted to know that I hadn't ruined everything, that there was a place for me. I mean, I'd still want to back someday, Cybertron will always be my home, but you—"
There was a tint on Breakdown's face and he looked away from Bee. "You're everything, Bee."
Bee couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I…"
"Why do you think I went on this trip? I've already been to a lot of these tracks. I'd never been to them with you, and I thought—Well, I thought you were trying to say goodbye. I thought that the end of this trip would be the big farewell, like you were telling me that I'd seen all there was to see and now I could go home. But who would I have there?"
"You'd be home," Bee said weakly. Breakdown's optics squinted in a smile as he held Bee's gaze.
"Would I really? It's not a home if I don't have you."
Bee's face felt hot, and he and Breakdown were so close now, and the sun was setting and the air was cooling down, and it felt a lot like fall in Maine—sitting on the rocks by a lighthouse that was just a lighthouse. It felt like drifting or drag racing or beating records. It felt like the beach at night or slipping on ice.
He didn't know which one of them closed the gap, but they were kissing, a very human thing to do. And it felt like home.
They finished their trip, and spent the beginnings of summer in Texas, before Breakdown decided he truly despised the heat, wet or dry, and he decided that winter was his favorite season after all. Actually he said, "My favorite season is the one that gets you closest to me." But Bee took it as confirmation anyway. As long as Breakdown was here, Bee was home. And nothing could make him happier.