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With a spring in his step, Jason crossed the tiny clinic exam room and faced off against the large digital scale.
“Shoes off,” Leslie reminded him.
He sighed, but not too heavily. That little bit of extra height and weight wouldn’t make that much of a difference, and he’d always had them off for these visits. Plus, he already knew he’d grown. He could feel the difference.
In his sock feet, Jason stepped up onto the scale. Leslie pushed a couple buttons and fiddled with the slider thing to find his height. Bruce sat in the chair against the wall, pretending that he wasn’t waiting on the edge of his seat to hear the results. Even though Jason had grown, he still wasn’t nearly tall enough to see the little digital screen that displayed his measurements, especially because he wasn’t supposed to crane his neck up or stretch on tiptoe right now.
“What’s it say?” he finally asked.
“Good news,” Leslie said with a smile. “You’ve gained a few pounds and you’re measuring at forty-three inches.”
It was good news, but Jason still rolled his eyes as he stepped off the scale. “How come my height’s always just in inches now? It should be three feet— Uh, three feet…” Okay, he’d been three foot five when he’d first got shrunk down, so now…
“Three foot seven,” Bruce said.
“Right!” Duh. He’d just been about to say.
“That’s the standard for your biological age,” Leslie said with a shrug. “Hop up on the table for me?”
It was a good thing she’d pulled the little step out, because Jason definitely still needed that to be able to get up onto the exam table. The paper crinkled underneath him as he settled into his spot, and then Leslie started to listen to his heart and lungs just like she always did.
“Everything sounds good. Your heart rate’s average for your age, too, which is interesting.”
“Interesting how?”
She shrugged. “Just that the serum really did seem to rewind your biological clock. No matter where you look, there’s no discernable difference between you and any other seven-year-old child.”
“Oh.”
That shouldn’t have been a surprise, but it still made Jason’s gut twist in a weird way when he heard it. Especially with everything that had happened just before this with those kids at Bruce’s work. They hadn’t really been able to tell that he was different, either. None of the people at W.E. had. Same with anyone in the waiting room at the clinic, or the people on the street…
“That’s good, Jay,” Bruce encouraged. “Means you’re healthy.”
Leslie nodded. “Exactly. There were some concerns at first, but your numbers look good now, and your general appearance has improved.”
Jason grimaced. Yeah, Leslie probably thought it was a good thing, but it still felt really unsettling whenever he looked in the mirror. He was still a small, skinny kid, but he had gained some weight and— Even though he was getting lots of exercise, it hadn’t come in like muscle. Not like when he’d been an adult. Now, his cheeks were rounder and his body was softer and he looked— babyish. Like he was even younger than when everything had first happened.
“You’re within a healthy weight and height range,” Leslie said. “Which means we can stop monitoring your diet as closely as we have been.”
That, finally, made Jason perk up. “No more PediaSure?”
“I think you’ll be fine without the extra supplementation. Although I still recommend the vitamins.”
“Okay.” A genuine smile was finally starting to peek out onto his face. The protein shakes hadn’t been terrible, but he was bored of having to drink one every damn day and he hated that stupid cartoon character smiling at him from the bottle.
“That’s great news,” Bruce said.
“But we’re still getting ice cream after this,” Jason checked. “Right?”
And, yeah, it was stupid. But ice cream was the shit, and it was one of the few things that Jason could actually look forward to these days.
“We’re still getting ice cream,” Bruce confirmed.
Jason grinned. “Okay. Cool.”
“We’re about done here,” Leslie said. “Just those immunizations we talked about.”
Jason fidgeted on the little paper cover. He’d known this was going to happen today, but now that he was actually here, he felt kind of…
“Pass your hoodie over,” Bruce said as he held out his hand.
Jason grabbed the bottom of his hoodie and yanked it off over his head. The whole thing flipped inside out when he did it, and Bruce got right to fixing it as soon as he was holding it. It looked so fucking small in his giant-ass hands. Jason still had a hard time matching that up in his head. As tiny as it was, it fit him pretty much perfectly.
Now that he was just in his t-shirt, the exam room felt a little too cold. Goosebumps popped up on his skinny little arms.
Leslie was at the counter getting things ready: wipes, bandaids, a fresh set of gloves. “So, we’re doing two today, MMRV and DTaP. You weren’t immunized for varicella before, Jason, so you’ll need a booster later on.”
“You received his modified medical file?” Bruce checked.
“You mean his falsified file?”
“The information is exactly the same as what we recovered from his records the first time, it’s just the dates that are adjusted.”
“And a few years that have been erased.” She turned to share a look with Jason, but he wasn’t paying attention to that anymore. The only thing he was looking at were the two needles that were sitting on the counter. A sickening swoop hit his gut, like he was falling.
Fuck.
He somehow felt cold and hot at the exact same time. There was a crawling, itchy feeling on his skin and his heart was thudding hard in his chest. He didn’t want to— He couldn’t—
Something cold touched Jason’s arm and he flinched, scooting backwards on the exam table and pulling his legs up with him. Fuck, was it— It had to be—
“Jason?” Leslie was watching him really closely through her glasses. “What’s wrong?”
It had just been the little wipe to clean his skin; she was still holding it in her gloved hand. He gave his head a shake, trying to pull himself together because this was supposed to be fine. Not a big deal in any way. But when Jason thought about the actual needle touching him in the exact same spot…
Everything suddenly crumbled.
His breath hitched. Tears welled up in his eyes, his throat felt tight, his hands were all shaky.
Fuck. This couldn’t be happening. He couldn’t be— He needed to get his shit together. But no matter how much his brain was yelling that, nothing seemed to change.
“I— I…” His voice was so wobbly he couldn’t get anything out besides that, but it wasn’t like he actually needed to say anything. Any idiot who was paying attention could tell what his problem was.
And then, out of nowhere, Bruce was by his side. He put his arm around Jason’s shoulder and that was just— literally everything Jason needed. With a big breathy sob, he turned into Bruce, burying his face in that stupidly expensive cashmere sweater so that Leslie couldn’t see him lose his fucking mind over two tiny little needles.
What the hell. This shouldn’t have been—
Okay, Jason had never loved needles, but who did? He always fucking handled it, though. That’s what life was like. Sometimes, you had to suck it up and get things done no matter how you were feeling.
Now, though, he couldn’t bring himself to even lift his head up and look at Leslie, let alone let her stick needles into him. He just kept curled right up in the safe, warm pocket of Bruce’s arms.
Bruce let out a slow, steady breath. “Can you give us a minute?”
“Of course.” There was a bit of noise as Leslie pulled her gloves off and threw them in the trash. “I’ll just be by the front desk. There’s always paperwork to catch up on.”
After she left, Jason stayed where he was for a little longer. He’d already done the stupid, ridiculous, embarrassing thing. He might as well get some extra hugging time out of it.
And how weird was it that his brain even thought about things that way? That he wanted extra time to hug Bruce. That would have never been a thing for him before all of this, but now…
Silently, Bruce handed him a kleenex. Jason took the hint and wiped his eyes and blew his nose. Being a little less of a mess made him feel a bit better, but he knew that part of it was also because Bruce hadn’t actually left. He’d hitched himself up onto the exam table, keeping Jason tucked right up beside him.
Jason took a big, slow breath, matching himself up with Bruce’s breathing. That helped a lot, too. He stared down at the balled-up kleenex in his hand. “This is so stupid.”
Bruce let out a soft hum. “It’s not. You’ve had a fear of needles for a long time,’
“Yeah, but— I used to be able to push through and get it over with! Even when this first happened. You remember how many needles I got stuck with when everyone was trying to cure me?”
He nodded, and then shrugged. “But I think things have… changed. Through the last few months.”
Jason scrunched his face up into a scowl. Yeah, things sure as hell had changed. He’d gotten used to relying on people. He’d gotten— softer. Not just with his stupid baby cheeks, but with his emotions, too. Those more adult behaviours were getting harder and harder to keep up, and the childish ones were becoming more and more automatic.
“It’s not a bad thing, Jay. It’s just… how things are.”
“Of course it’s bad! I can’t even—” He balled his fists up tight, and then let them go, resting more of his weight against Bruce. “I can’t get through a fucking doctor’s appointment without needing my dad to help me.”
There was a pause. Bruce stilled. Then, he pushed a hand through Jason’s hair. It felt really, really nice.
“I want to be here for you, Jaylad. No matter what you need.”
And that was another huge thing that had changed. Jason actually believed Bruce when he said stuff like this. He felt a lightness lift inside his chest and his arms reached out instinctively to return the hug that had been keeping him anchored this whole time.
“I know,” he whispered back.
Bruce let out another low hum. “We can wait on the vaccines. They don’t have to be done today.”
Jason shook his head. “I just want it over with.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah.” Now that he knew he couldn’t handle his own stupid fear of needles, he’d be way too freaked out leading up to an appointment like this and his nightmares were already too much of a problem.
Bruce finally nodded. “Okay. I’ll be here with you the whole time.”
Jason tightened his hold on Bruce, like that would actually do anything if Bruce decided to go away. That was the thing that sucked the most about all of this. He was so fucking helpless now. Nothing he did could actually make a difference, and he was just—
“I promise, Jaylad,” Bruce murmured, cutting through the frustrating spiral in Jason’s head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
And he actually kept that promise the whole time. He texted Leslie to get her to come back instead of going to find her, and he stayed right in the same spot as she got everything all set up again.
“We’ll do the right arm, then the left,” she said. Her voice was a little softer and a little gentler than what it had been before, and she was making an extra effort to look Jason right in the eyes.
So, she could tell that Jason was different now, too, huh? Not that it’d be hard for her to do that.
He wanted to snap back something sarcastic to her or at least roll his eyes and brush off that kind, watchful attention. But he was too lost in his own brain to be able to do any of that, and, well… He actually didn’t want her to stop what she was doing. It kind of felt like it was helping.
“We can do one, then have Bruce switch places so I can access your other arm for the next. Would that be okay?”
“I—” Jason’s face felt hot. “I don’t want him to have to move.” He wanted Bruce to stay right in the same spot the whole way through. Like a rock.
“Okay.” Leslie nodded, like it wasn’t a ridiculously clingy request. “How about you hop up on his lap then, Jason? I’ll be able to do everything I need to do and neither of you will have to move.”
Fucking hell, there was no way he was going to—
But all it took was one more look at those needles before Jason realized that, yeah, he really was going to sit on Bruce’s lap while this was happening. That was the only way he could see it being bearable.
It took a little awkward shuffling, but eventually they got into a place where it worked. Bruce sat on the exam table, Jason sat right on him, keeping his face buried in that soft black sweater. He had to keep his arms out so Leslie could reach them, but Bruce still held him close and that kept him grounded.
Leslie kept up that soft, gentle voice, saying just enough words so Jason knew what to expect. He was only partly listening, anyway. Most of his brainpower was going towards taking deep, slow breaths that matched up with Bruce’s. His gut still twisted and his heart still thudded, but he didn’t flinch away again and in just a few minutes the whole ordeal was done. Leslie was taking her gloves off and Jason had a colourful bandaid on each arm: one that was electric blue and one that was neon orange.
“There might be some tenderness, muscle aches, a slight fever,” Leslie said. “It shouldn’t last long, and you can dose with children’s Tylenol or similar as needed.”
She was talking just to Bruce, barely even looking at Jason. But also… Jason’s brain still felt a kinda fuzzy from all the stress just now. And he didn’t even know where they kept the bottle of children’s medicine that only he used. The couple times he’d needed it, Alfred or Bruce had just brought it to him. They also did all the work of measuring the dose and cleaning the little shot glass afterwards. Another change that Jason hadn’t even thought about.
Gently, Bruce helped Jason down from the exam table, keeping his steadying hand right there while Jason found his footing again. His legs felt a little weak and shaky, but he pushed through. What was his other option, letting Bruce carry him out of the clinic? No way in hell was that happening.
He still let Bruce hold out his hoodie so he could slip it on, and he still didn’t have much energy for anything besides a small goodbye wave to Leslie. He stayed close as they left the clinic, too, not really paying attention to much besides following right after Bruce.
They stepped out onto the sidewalk and then Bruce looked down at Jason. “You still up for ice cream? We can always do it another day.”
Jason scowled upwards. “You said we were gonna! You can’t go back on it now.” Now, Jason wanted an extra big scoop. He’d earned it.
Something that almost looked like a smile flickered across Bruce’s face. “No, I won’t. I promise.”
He led them down the block to the little shop right on the corner. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a few small tables and a row of ice cream tubs sitting inside a glass case, but that’s all Jason wanted. Ice cream stores had got way too bougie these days.
Before they got to the counter, Bruce leaned down closer to Jason. “Do you know what you want?”
Jason nodded. “Bubble gum.”
“Hm. That’s what you always get.”
He shrugged. Yeah, it was. His kidlike palate was another thing on the long list of changes he was noticing.
Bruce didn’t question it any further, though. He just nodded and started to turn towards the counter. Then Jason noticed something else on the menu.
“Wait, I— I want, um, gummy bears on it, too. It’s one of the toppings.”
There was a little beat of silence, and that almost-smile from before flashed across Bruce’s face again. But then he just said, “Alright,” and stepped up to give their order.
Jason let him do all the talking. It was just— hard. To talk to strangers. He was… kind of shy now. Especially around adults he didn’t know. And a lot of the time they didn’t really fully listen to him, anyway. They’d just pull on this sickeningly sweet smile, give him some kind of bland, meaningless response, and then look up to Bruce to check for a ‘real’ answer.
Most of the time, he tried to push through anyway, but he didn’t have the energy right now. He let Bruce handle the back and forth with the order, the payment, and all of that while he worked against a weird, new impulse to reach out and hold Bruce’s hand.
He didn’t need to stoop to that. He’d just… keep standing really close. Letting Bruce handle everything. That kind of thing. He was already feeling better compared to how it had been at the clinic. He wasn’t scared at all anymore, more just wrung out from all the big emotions. That kind of thing always hit way harder for him compared to when he’d been older.
It didn’t take long before their order was ready. With his coffee in one hand and the ice cream in the other, Bruce nudged them towards a little booth right by the window. Jason climbed into the side facing the door, and Bruce slid in right beside him. It felt safe, having the wall on one side of him and Bruce on the other.
Jason’s ice cream was almost the same colour of blue as the bandaid on his one arm, and the gummy bears scattered on top made for a chaotic clash of colours. Looking down at it made that memory of Leslie’s office feel even farther away. He picked up his spoon and dug in.
Bruce raised an eyebrow as he took a sip of his black coffee. “Good?”
Jason shrugged and then let a small smile show on his face. “Yeah.”
As stupid as it was, ice cream did make him feel better about some things. And if he was going to have to struggle with a bunch of dumb problems, it was only fair if he had some equally dumb shortcuts to help him with it.
Bruce let out a soft huff for a laugh. Then he stretched his arm over the back of the booth, closing in on Jason’s personal space a little more.
That helped, too. It actually helped more than the ice cream.
“You look like you’re feeling a bit better,” Bruce said.
Jason shrugged. He stabbed his spoon into his bowl and pried up another bite, this time with a gummy bear stuck inside of it.
There was a sigh. “I know that was… harder for you. Than we expected.”
“Well…” Jason hunched his shoulders up a little. “I know the needles were important.” There was, like, research and science and shit that all said it was the right thing to do. Jason knew that, even if his head was too mixed up to remember any specifics right now.
“They are important, but if there’s anything I can do differently to make it easier—”
“No, you— You did everything right. It was… good.” Jason’s face was getting all hot again, but he knew he needed to say it. If Bruce thought that he’d done anything wrong, then he might not do the same thing when Jason needed his booster for that one vaccine that he forgot the name of. The ‘V’ one.
Whatever it was called, Jason was going to be getting it, and he really, really needed Bruce to help him the same way he just did: holding Jason, breathing with him, being that solid, calm, steady presence that Jason could siphon some courage off of.
Keeping his eyes on the table, Jason scooted a little closer to Bruce, until they were almost touching even though there was plenty of room on the bench for the two of them. Like magic, having Bruce closer to him took away the little bubbles of worry that had started to build inside of him. Another shortcut, one that worked even better than ice cream.
It was all so twisted up in his brain. He wanted to be independent and strong and all of that, but how could it even count when it was cuddling with his dad that got him feeling that way? What did that even mean for other stuff in his life? The list of things he needed Bruce’s help for was growing longer and longer by the day, and as scary as that was, a distant part of him was also worried that he didn’t feel freaked out enough by that. That he was just letting it all happen.
The problem was that it was hard to keep fighting against all this when it felt so nice.
A large, gentle hand brushed across the back of his neck, and Jason leaned into it automatically. He liked these little touches from Bruce. As hard as he thought about it, there wasn’t actually anything he could think of that he didn’t like.
“Can we talk about it later?” Jason finally said. “I don’t need any other needles for a while, right?”
“Leslie says about three months before the varicella booster.”
That’s what it was. Whatever varicella even meant.
Jason shrugged it off. “Okay, so we can wait until then, right?”
Bruce thought about it for a second, but Jason knew what the answer would be. It was never very hard to convince Bruce not to talk about something. “Sure, Jaylad. Whatever makes you comfortable.”
“Kay. Good.” Jason ate another spoonful of ice cream. It was super sweet, and the gummy bear made for a fun chewy texture. He could feel his feet kicking out from the bench; another one of those childish instincts that were basically impossible to stop.
Then, because it felt good, he wiggled just a little bit more over so that his shoulder was actually brushing against Bruce. He felt that hand on the back of his neck again, and this time it stayed put. A little happy sigh escaped from him.
Yeah, Jason didn’t want to talk about any of this right now, but he also didn’t need to. They both knew where it was going.