Chapter Text
-After Mia’s 19th Birthday-
Percy: So I think Mia and Rachel should have kissed, and my feeling about that is, 1st of all how do you know they didn’t?
Rachel: I plead the 5th
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Ez: In fact between my brains and your brawn I think we make a pretty good team
Raylin: We do, although technically, I have both brains and brawn
Ez: True, but, I have the personality and the winning smile
Raylin: Pfft, ha
Ez: Was that a laugh?! Did I make you laugh, Ray?
Raylin: Um
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Natasha: My boyfriend is wearing a fucking suit to his autism diagnosis appointment
Alexei: It’s a special event!
Natasha: Shut up
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Ez: Oh fiddlesticks this really ruffles my feathers
CeCe: PLEASE, JUST SAY FUCK
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Will: Oh fuck it’s cold
Nico: Guys even thugs get cold
Will: Nico that might be true I don’t know how that correlates to YOU
Mia: You know what they say, a hoe never gets cold
Will: So I'm with a thug and a hoe?!
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Every friend group should include
.A Bisexual (Percy)
.Another Bisexual (Piper)
.A third Bisexual (Will)
.And a straight white guy that inevitably realizes he’s ALSO Bisexual (Jason)
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CeCe: You ever want to talk about your emotions Sult?
Sult: No…
Ez: I do!
CeCe: I know Ez
Ez: I’m sad
CeCe: I know Ez
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Mia: When I first met you I thought you were weird and annoying
Percy: And?
Mia: And you are
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Zeus: One more word, please give me one
Apollo: GuBErNaTORiAl
Zeus: *smacks into mortality*
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Gwen (signing): Kelly what’s the one thing I asked you NOT to do tonight
Kelly (signing): Raise the dead
Gwen (signing): And what did you do
Kelly (signing): *sigh* Raise the dead
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Percy: Get the broom out of here
Mia: Can I hit you with it?
Percy: NO!
Mia: Dude!
Percy: Put the broom down there or I’m gonna-
Mia: Oh my gods it’s almost Christmas, let me do one fun thing. I want to hit an elf
Percy: Put the- Dude… Put the broom down or I’m gonna call the psych ward
Mia: Strap it up!
Percy: This person has brain damage
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Virleigne: I have an army
Nikki: I have a gun
CeCe: I have magic candy!
Bianca: I have Maladaptive Daydreaming
Raylin: I have crippling depression
Gwen: I have magic hair that glows when I sing!
Natalie: You have something I want
Alexis: You’ve got a big mouth y’know-
Cam: I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND!
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Nico: No! We are not dating!
Mia: Yes sorry to disappoint you, but I have standards
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Cam: I think we should get a divorce
Natalie: What are you doing?
Cam: Just practicing
Natalie: Why are you already planning your hypothetical divorce
Cam: I don’t know, I’m 17, I’m having uh, quarter life crisis
Natalie: You don’t even have a girlfriend
Cam: Hypothetically divorce me
Natalie: Ok, then I’m hypothetically taking half your assets
Cam: Well you didn’t sign the hypothetical prenup. And is it - it’s called a prenup. Right?
Serena: Yeah it’s a prenup, and you did hypothetically sign one
Natalie: Who the fuck is this person
Serena: I’m her hypothetical lawyer in this divorce case
Natalie: Well then I’m taking the hypothetical kids. So- right we can get those?
Nikki: Yes we can definitely get the hypothetical kids, don’t worry about it
Cam: Who the fuck is this hypothetical nerd? Fucking… glass wearing nerd…
Nikki: Well that is a lot of hypothetical insults
Natalie: This is my hypothetical lawyer, and we have been hypothetically sleeping together, so
Cam: HOW COULD YOU HYPOTHETICALLY DO THIS TO ME!
Natalie: BECAUSE YOU HYPOTHETICALLY ARE AN ALCOHOLIC!
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-Like 10 years ago-
Olivia: My two little girls they came up to me and CeCe said “She called me the B word” and Bia said “Motherfucker doesn’t start with a B”
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