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INT. INKIGAYO WAITING ROOM – NIGHT
The exact time of day is both unknown and unknowable from where they’re all huddled in their small rectangular waiting room. It could be three in the morning. It could be four.
There are aluminum suitcases lined up against one wall. Two of them are laid down and open, hair stylists sorting through neatly packed organizers to unload their arsenal of heat-styling tools. The table in front of the couch is covered in various coffees and teas and a few packets of throat lozenges.
None of them had much sleep last night; none of them ever have much sleep. HANJIN is dozing off in his chair as makeup artists flit around him, getting him stage-ready. SHINYU is watching something on his phone and KYUNGMIN’s chin is hooked over his shoulder from where he’s seated next to him. A stylist ushers JIHOON toward the changing room. YOUNGJAE and DOHOON, both of them already dressed and made-up, are seated on a couch on the far end of the room, next to the lockers.
Harsh overhead lighting casts a bright glare over everything.
DOHOON
So…
YOUNGJAE hums, not looking up from his phone. He has an AirPod in his left ear and he’s monitoring a dance challenge he did with JIHOON a week ago that their social media team uploaded only recently. DOHOON begins to fiddle with the straw in his drink. It’s an iced tea with an added shot of espresso. He decides to bite the bullet.
DOHOON (CONT’D)
You and Jihoon, huh?
YOUNGJAE doesn’t react for a moment. DOHOON opens his mouth, about to change the topic, before he hears the soft click of YOUNGJAE’s phone turning off. YOUNGJAE puts his phone face down on the couch next to him before raising an eyebrow. He takes out his AirPod, putting it back in his case, and shifts so his knees are pointed towards DOHOON. DOHOON swallows nervously. He takes a sip of his drink. YOUNGJAE’s tone is soft when he finally speaks.
YOUNGJAE
What about me and Jihoon?
In the background, SHINYU laughs. It’s loud. DOHOON looks up from where his drink is nestled in his lap to see KYUNGMIN smacking SHINYU on the shoulder. YOUNGJAE’s gaze is trained on the side of DOHOON’s face, unmoving. DOHOON takes another sip of his drink, shaking his head.
DOHOON
Never mind. Forget I said anything.
YOUNGJAE’s face relaxes. A beat passes before he responds.
YOUNGJAE
(shrugging, seemingly unaffected)
Sure.
YOUNGJAE reaches for his phone. DOHOON begins to fiddle with his straw again.
DOHOON
It’s just—you two have gotten really close lately—I mean, like, more than before. More than you used to be. Wasn’t there a period where…
YOUNGJAE waits for DOHOON to finish his sentence. DOHOON takes a sip of his drink. He’s done talking.
YOUNGJAE
Where…?
DOHOON sucks air into his mouth through his teeth before huffing out a breath.
DOHOON
(a bit snappy)
You know—you two were giggling about it on Weverse live once. That campfire talk we had—you told him in front of everyone. To share his attention with the rest of us. Instead of just you.
YOUNGJAE frowns slightly.
YOUNGJAE
What about it?
DOHOON rolls his eyes. He takes another sip of his drink before speaking.
DOHOON
He bothered me about it for months, you know. He kept whining and whining and whining that he was worried you didn’t like him. He didn’t actually believe it—deep down he knew you didn’t hate him. You couldn’t—you couldn’t hate anyone. But you two were so weird back then. You two are still weird. Maybe even weirder now.
YOUNGJAE’s frown deepens. He crosses his arms. DOHOON starts bouncing his leg, agitated.
DOHOON (CONT’D)
I kept telling him that’s just how you are. But he already knew that, too. Choi Youngjae, the expert of pushing and never pulling. Always push push push.
It’s silent for a moment. DOHOON sips at his drink nervously. The cup sleeve is damp from condensation.
YOUNGJAE
(carefully)
...What’s your point? We’re fine now.
DOHOON shrugs. He makes a weird noise, a half-sigh-half-whine sound.
DOHOON
Whatever. I just didn’t expect you to start pulling afterward. For the first time in his twenty one years of life, Choi Youngjae starts pulling.
YOUNGJAE lets out a deep breath. DOHOON is still bouncing his leg nervously. They’re not talking about JIHOON anymore. DOHOON worries at his bottom lip with his teeth. A few moments pass in silence. DOHOON is the one to break it.
DOHOON
I was just—I was doing some thinking the other night. But only because I couldn't sleep.
YOUNGJAE
(taken aback)
Sure.
DOHOON
And I realized that I never apologized. For back then.
YOUNGJAE knots his eyebrows. There's a complicated expression on his face. DOHOON’s gaze is fixed on something directly across from him. A bottle of hair spray, maybe.
DOHOON (CONT’D)
(hurried, nervous)
So I wanted—well, this is kind of stupid—it was a few years ago, anyways, so maybe you don't even want to—
YOUNGJAE puts his hand on DOHOON's knee. DOHOON's leg stills.
YOUNGJAE
It's okay.
DOHOON's face falls. Now there's a complicated expression on both of their faces.
DOHOON
I still wanted to say it.
YOUNGJAE's face softens. Something in it opens.
YOUNGJAE
Sure.
DOHOON looks at the ceiling. He’s blinking rapidly.
DOHOON
So… I'm sorry.
DOHOON takes a deep breath. His whole body might be trembling.
DOHOON
I’m sorry for what I said. About you. And about Junghwan-hyung. I’m glad he was there for you, I’m glad—I’m glad that, um, sleeping with him—that sleeping in his bed was… you know… I’m glad he helped you to be less homesick or lonely or whatever—and I’m glad that you had him.
YOUNGJAE’s face goes pink.
YOUNGJAE
We were both very young.
DOHOON isn’t sure if YOUNGJAE is talking about the two of them or about him and SHINYU. It doesn’t really matter. They’re both silent again. Across the room, HANJIN, soft and bleary-eyed, is watching SHINYU and KYUNGMIN bicker. SHINYU has both arms wrapped around one of KYUNGMIN’s arms. YOUNGJAE closes his eyes.
YOUNGJAE
(slowly, quietly)
Junghwan-hyung was very kind. A little too kind. It made it easier that he never said anything, unlike…
YOUNGJAE opens his eyes to look at DOHOON. DOHOON clears his throat. YOUNGJAE doesn’t finish his sentence.
DOHOON
(while looking at the floor)
I was… I was a bit mean. I was very mean. I think I hurt you a lot. So I understand why you kept pushing me away, even though…
YOUNGJAE sighs. He takes his hand off DOHOON’s knee and puts it back in his own lap. DOHOON fidgets in his seat, gaze drifting toward where YOUNGJAE has started picking at his left thumb. DOHOON looks like he wants to grab YOUNGJAE’s wrist, tell him to stop picking, or both.
YOUNGJAE
I guess I realized at some point that... Realized isn't the right word. I always knew. You're not actually mean. You could never be actually mean. You can be bad with words sometimes, but never mean.
DOHOON laughs nervously. He sets his drink down on the floor next to him.
DOHOON
I guess I was a bit jealous.
YOUNGJAE
(scoffing, almost incredulous)
Of what?
DOHOON
(petulant, almost childish)
I don’t want to say it.
It’s silent for a moment. Someone turns a hair dryer on and off between spritzes of hair spray. YOUNGJAE sighs.
YOUNGJAE
(guessing)
Shinyu-hyung?
DOHOON
(huffing out a sigh)
Sure. Yeah.
YOUNGJAE
(amused, but patient)
And why was that?
It’s silent again. DOHOON’s eyes dart toward the closed dressing room door. JIHOON still hasn’t come out. On the other side of the room, HANJIN is trying to pull KYUNGMIN up from where he’s sitting by his wrist, asking him to take photos for him. DOHOON takes an unusual moment to collect his thoughts. He takes a deep breath before he speaks.
DOHOON
I just thought we were supposed to be… Same-aged friends. I thought—I wanted you to be able to rely on me too. I thought we got along really well. I really admired you, at that time. Even if you were a little strange at the beginning. You were so bright. And you had such a—well, obviously you’re handsome. You’re pretty. You had—have—such good proportions. And you sang so well. I wanted to sing like that too. I used to ask our vocal trainer about you. But you were still so strange and I couldn’t understand it. You were a bit intense at times.
YOUNGJAE hums. His face is still pink. He’s still picking at his thumbnail. DOHOON goes out on a limb and keeps talking.
DOHOON (CONT’D)
I think I admire you more now. You grew up a lot. But I think I’m still the same, mostly. I used to worry that you didn’t like me, you know? I felt like I was trying. But you kept pushing me away, and you never did that with hyung. But then Jihoon came, and I realized that you were just like that, sometimes, but then it wasn’t really the same with Kyungmin, either. So I was confused. I didn’t understand you. It didn’t stop me from trying.
DOHOON pauses. When he speaks, his voice is small.
DOHOON (CONT’D)
I really wanted to try.
Another beat of silence.
YOUNGJAE
(hesitantly)
I never really let you do that, did I?
DOHOON shakes his head, silent. Something inside of his chest swells and aches. He takes a shaky breath and decides to be brave. He laughs a nervous laugh before he replies.
DOHOON
I only said those things because I knew you had feelings for him. I think we all did, a little bit. But I think at some point I also realized I never really had a chance.
YOUNGJAE’s mouth falls into a small ‘o’. DOHOON looks at the floor and bites at the inside of his cheek. A few seconds pass in silence before DOHOON speaks again.
DOHOON (CONT’D)
Between Jihoonie and Junghwan-hyung, I never really had a chance, did I?
It’s quiet. Someone turns the hair dryer back on. The look on YOUNGJAE’s face is opaque and unreadable. DOHOON swallows thickly. Someone turns the hair dyer back off.
DOHOON (CONT’D)
I’m happy for you, though. I really am.
DOHOON realizes he isn’t lying. He realizes that underneath all the other complicated feelings, he’s telling the truth: he’s happy that YOUNGJAE is happy. YOUNGJAE blinks, twice, three times. His hands are still in his lap. His voice is soft when he speaks.
YOUNGJAE
Thank you.
YOUNGJAE puts his hand on DOHOON’s knee again. DOHOON’s face feels warm. YOUNGJAE’s eyes are turned down. His knee is brushing against DOHOON’s thigh.
YOUNGJAE (CONT’D)
I mean it.
DOHOON makes a strange noise and turns away, shifting his leg as he reaches down to pick up his drink. The ice is almost all melted and there’s condensation dripping onto the floor. The cup sleeve is soaked through. He clears his throat as he sits back up.
DOHOON
Do you ever think it’ll be as easy as that?
He points his chin in SHINYU and KYUNGMIN’s direction. KYUNGMIN is sitting in a makeup chair. SHINYU is crowding into KYUNGMIN’s space, trying to show him something on his phone. KYUNGMIN is fending him off with an arm and a leg. YOUNGJAE wrinkles his nose. DOHOON studies his face, watching as something indiscernible yet fond creeps into his eyes.
YOUNGJAE
They’re…
YOUNGJAE stops talking. DOHOON doesn’t push. YOUNGJAE hums, thinking. He’s looking straight ahead when he says his next words, slowly and carefully.
YOUNGJAE (CONT’D)
I think… I think we’re all a little different. Those two have so much history. They’ve been through a lot together. And… I think Kyungmin is good for him.
YOUNGJAE nods, as if he’s agreeing with his own words.
YOUNGJAE (CONT’D)
Kyungmin is good for him.
YOUNGJAE’s gaze flits toward HANJIN. He keeps talking.
YOUNGJAE (CONT’D)
At that time, everything felt burdensome. We really were so young. At least we were still in our home country. Everything was twice as hard for Hanjinie.
YOUNGJAE’s eyes soften. He looks at DOHOON.
YOUNGJAE (CONT’D)
He really needed you, back then. And you… You were good for him. He was good for you, too, in a way. Even from a distance, I could tell.
YOUNGJAE laughs dryly. His gaze drops to his hands in his lap.
YOUNGJAE (CONT'D)
Even if I was the one maintaining that distance.
They fall silent again. DOHOON doesn’t have anything to say in response.
The dressing room door swings open. YOUNGJAE looks up at the sound. JIHOON is now fully fitted in his stage outfit. He runs out, arms open. YOUNGJAE’s eyes are sparkling. YOUNGJAE gets up to meet JIHOON in the narrow space beside the coffee table.
JIHOON
Hyung! Look, we have couple designs on our sleeves!
YOUNGJAE laughs, open and easy. DOHOON swallows again, studying the gentle slope of his nose, his smiling half-moon eyes. His heart surges. HANJIN meets his eyes from the other side of the room. He raises his eyebrows in recognition, reading something in DOHOON’s expression, and walks over to meet DOHOON by the couches.
HANJIN
Dohoon-hyung! Can you take a picture for me?
DOHOON puts his cup back down. He looks over to where SHINYU and KYUNGMIN are now relaxed on the couch. SHINYU is resting his head in KYUNGMIN’s lap, the two of them singing something softly, something meant just for the two of them to hear. He looks at YOUNGJAE and JIHOON, and watches YOUNGJAE move his hands in the air in his best imitation of JIHOON’s way of tutting. He watches the way JIHOON throws his head back in laughter. DOHOON looks at HANJIN, his pretty eyes sparkling hopefully, his arm reaching out toward him.
Something settles deep in his chest. DOHOON’s expression flickers on his face. DOHOON gets up, trying to shake off the warm, tangled feelings crowding up his lungs, before he nods and reaches forward, taking HANJIN’s outstretched hand in his own.