Chapter Text
Emma doesn’t know what she expected Ilya Rozanov’s partner to be like–if she would have even managed to wrap her head around the idea of him having a committed partner, given his reputation–but she’s fairly certain that there would’ve been certain qualities she would’ve expected. Female, for one. Probably omega, but she could see Rozanov going for a beta if she were a model or something. Blonde. Very blonde. Good chance that her boobs were bigger than her head.
Which is why she is deeply surprised when Cliff texts her during one of the Bears’ trips out to the Western conference with a phone number and tells her that it's, “Roz’s mate. Apparently he finally agreed to be added to the WAGs chat. All I know is his name is Shane.”
Shane.
Well, that knocks basically every assumption out of contention, except for him potentially being blond. And an omega. Probably.
Still, Emma is nothing if not a dedicated A-WAG (and the closest thing they have to an organizer, given the absence of a C-WAG for as long as she and Cliff have been together,) so she saves Shane’s number in her contacts and prepares to add him to the groupchat.
She should probably warn everyone else first. So that everyone has the time to go through the five stages of confusion before Shane has to witness it.
Bears WAGs 🐻
October 17th, 2016
Hey everyone! Sounds like we finally have a C-WAG again! I’ll be adding Roz’s mate, Shane, here in a few minutes, but I wanted to give everyone a few minutes to get their screams out first.
Ellie (St-Simon): Shane???? And here I was waiting for when we would get our C-WAG Natasha or smth 😂
Hanna (Carmichael): Is that the only Russian woman’s name you know???
Ellie (St-Simon): I mean… Marvel fan, it is the first one that comes to mind
Nate (Sebbin): Finally, I am freed of the burden of being the only man in this chat
Katie (Hammersmith): You love us Nate!
Nate (Sebbin): And I will love you more when I have another dude to share my pain. Do we know if he’s an omega orrrrrr?
No idea. I’m presuming so, but… Cliff said nothing, and he’s the biggest gossip I know, so probably Roz said nothing either
Melissa (Kane): Sounds like Roz
Sadie (Dubek): Okay but I’m just so ready to ask him so many questions about our captain. Like… How do you pin down a man like that???
Hanna (Carmichael): You’re married, Sadie
Sadie (Dubek): Don’t remind me
Hannah (Varkov): Knowing Roz, Shane’s probably a 21 y.o. model and Roz slid into his DMs like 2 months ago 🙃
Nah, Cliff’s known that Roz has had someone for at least like… A year or two now? Very vague on the specifics but he had a theory
Mellisa (Kane): Ooooh secret long-term WAG
Nate (Sebbin): I still think we need a new acronym
Katie (Hammersmith): Okay but HWABG is literally the worst think on earth
Nate (Sebbin): Okay but. Consider. I didn’t get added here until Evan had already mated me, bite on the neck and everything. And apparently Shane is Roz’s “mate”, too. Alpha dudes who are into omega dudes wait to announce until the bite is healed, this is a fact. MWAG works!!
If Shane wants “MWAG,” we will change to MWAG. Deal?
Nate (Sebbin): Deal.
Ellie (St-Simon): Deal!
Hanna (Carmichael): Finally, we have someone to make decisions
Sadie (Dubek): Did Emma not count???
Hanna (Carmichael): No. Em is too nice for her own good.
Okay I’m going to go ahead and add him. Go around and say who your HAB (MHAB??) is, and pls be efficient. Minimal interrogation until he’s got contacts saved.
Emma rolls her eyes, and decides they’ve probably had enough time to get things out of their systems. There’s a few lurkers in the chat who still haven’t said anything, but everyone who’s likely to speak already has.
Welcome Shane! I’m Emma, Marlow’s fiancée!
Hanna (Carmichael): Hi Shane! I’m Hanna, Carmichael’s girlfriend.
Ellie (St-Simon): Hi Shane! I’m Ellie, St-Simon’s wife.
Nate (Sebbin): Hey Shane, I’m Nate, Sebbin’s mate
Sadie (Dubek): Hi!! I’m Sadie, Dubek’s wife (separated rn, but working through it)
Hannah (Varkov): Hi Shane. I’m Hannah (yes there’s two of us), Varkov’s wife.
Katie (Hammersmith): Hiya! I’m Katie, Hammersmith’s girlfriend
Melissa (Kane): Hello! I’m Melissa, Kane’s… something. We’re on and off but the WAGs love me so I’m here anyway. And also I have his bite mark but I refuse to be called his mate soooo
Shane (Rozanov): Uh, hi. It’s my first time in a WAGs chat, obviously. I’m Rozanov’s mate.
Mellisa (Kane): How long have you two been together?? We know basically nothing but it doesn’t sound recent if he already has you mated up.
Shane (Rozanov): Yeah, it’s been a few years.
Nate (Sebbin): And you’re only joining us now because… 🧐 Also are you an omega? (I am, I know most guys who are mated to alphas are, but just wanted to check)
Shane (Rozanov): I’m just not very sociable, I guess. And yeah, I’m an omega.
You’re definitely not alone. Everyone here who actually talks is, except the two Hanna(h)s
Hanna (Carmichael): I’m a beta!
Hannah (Varkov): And I’m an alpha. Which tracks with Kiril being the only omega on the team (don’t worry, the guys are all good abt it, your man runs a tight ship)
Shane (Rozanov): Good to hear.
Nate (Sebbin): Oh! BTW, we have a debate for you to settle. We’ve been trying to find a new acronym for WAGs for like yeaaaaars now, and we’re currently thinking MWAG, since you and I (and Melissa, in a purely factual and removed sense) are all mates. So, do you give your blessing to MWAGs or must we continue to search?
Shane (Rozanov): Why am I the one who has to settle this debate?
Because you have arrived as C-(M)WAG to free me from my tenuous position of power as A-WAG
Shane (Rozanov): Is that… A good thing???
Hanna (Carmichael): Yes. Em has been trying to get out of this ever since she and Marly got engaged. Hard to be a wedding planner and a WAG organizer at the same time.
Shane (Rozanov): Oh, well… I doubt I’ll have much time or ability to do much organizing, either, unfortunately.
Sadie (Dubek): Are you busy with work or smth?
Shane (Rozanov): No, I’m stay at home. But we have triplet toddlers, and a set of twins on the way, so I’ve already got my hands full.
Melissa (Kane): Jfc Shane, tell your man to get a vasectomy
Hannah (Varkov): Is he trying to make a new hockey team or smth??? I second the vasectomy comment
Nate (Sebbin): Can we get back to the MWAG debate??? (And Shane, you know birth control that works for omega men exists, right??)
Shane (Rozanov): It’s fine, guys. We agreed no more after this set. And twins are a lot easier to handle than triplets, so I’m already doing a lot better than last time.
Melissa (Kane): Okay, but can we interrogate the “triplet toddlers” comment??? Shane how long have you and Roz been together?? That you have toddlers???
You don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to, Shane.
Ellie (St-Simon): Ignore Em, I want to knowwwww
Shane (Rozanov): It’s fine. We’ve been mated since the summer of 2012, and I got pregnant with the triplets a few months after that. They’re 3, now.
Sadie (Dubek): I could barely handle one three year old, let alone three of them. How are you surviving all that???
Shane (Rozanov): They’re fine, honestly. Ilya and I split the work whenever he’s home, and the kids aren’t that bad anyway. I mean, a little worse now that they know how to run, but once we ran out of lamps for them to knock off tables, things got a lot more manageable.
Katie (Hammersmith): Knocking lamps off of tables????? I think you have nightmare toddlers, Shane
Shane (Rozanov): They just have the zoomies, alright?
Nate (Sebbin): Jfc
Hanna (Carmichael): Please tell me you’ve childproofed that house.
Shane (Rozanov): We did most of the obvious things when I was first pregnant, and we fix any new hazards that we discover as soon as we realize. The lamps were just one of the things we realized a little too late.
Ellie (St-Simon): I’m starting to think I should take back everything I said about wanting to know anything. I think every detail I learn about your household is going to put me one step closer to an insane asylum.
Nate (Sebbin): Can we pls make a decision about MWAGs??? Pls???
Shane (Rozanov): Fine. MWAGs is better.
Thank god.
====
Emma manages to contain herself until Cliff is home, before she starts interrogating him (read: gossiping, because in truth, Emma is just as much of a gossip as her fiancé.)
“Did you know that Roz had kids?”
Cliff blinks at her, setting his bag down and closing the door to their house behind him. “What?”
“Roz. He has kids. Plural.” Emma leans against the wall of the entry hallway. “Shane said they have triplets. And a set of twins on the way.”
“They– What? I haven’t been over to Roz’s house in forever, but that doesn’t sound right.” Cliff takes a step past off the doormat, stopping as soon as he sees Emma’s pointed look at the shoe rack. He slips off his shoes, not bothering to untie them. “I mean, sure, I knew he had someone. Hasn’t actually picked anyone up in years. But kids? Never heard about them.”
“Well Shane says they exist.”
“And have you seen any pictures? Maybe Shane and Roz have some kind of strange bet about how wild of a lie Shane can pull before anyone notices.”
Emma snorts. “I think they’d have already lost by now. Or won? Whatever. We were all having the hardest time believing Shane, especially once he started talking about his toddlers taking out lamps by running around the apartment.”
“See? Wild lies,” Cliff says, finally shoe-free, as he comes into Emma’s space, wrapping an arm around her waist and pressing a quick peck to her lips. “You know Roz. Don’t believe a thing he or his mate says until you have video proof or you see it with your own eyes.”
Emma nods. “Have you– I mean, have you met Shane?”
“Nope.” Cliff takes her hand, gently pulling her toward the living room. “Seen the contact name a million times, but I’ve never even seen a photo of the guy.”
“Geez,” Emma says. “Do you think we could at least convince them to come over for dinner, or something? Get Shane to come to wine night?”
“You can try,” Cliff says. He sits down on the couch, and Emma happily plops down next to him. She hasn’t seen him in almost two weeks, sue her for being clingy. “But I’m not putting money on it, with how long Roz has hid this guy.”
Emma bites her lip. “Do you think… It’s because Shane’s a guy? I mean, an alpha man and omega man together isn’t that weird of a couple, and we’ve all known Nate since Sebby even got traded here in the first place–”
“I don’t know, Roz is a weird guy sometimes,” Cliff says. He shrugs. “Maybe he just wanted to keep his private life private.”
“Maybe.”
“Don’t worry about it so much, babe.” Cliff brings her in for a kiss, and Emma lets some of the tension drain. “We’re ordering in tonight, right?”
“And going over the guest list after dinner,” she reminds him.
“Sounds perfect.”
====
Bears MWAGs 🐻
October 25th, 2016
Nate (Sebbin): Hey does anyone know how to get blood out of fabric? Our little one scraped her knee at school today and obvs neither Evan or I have periods, so we’re not the most familiar with blood on clothes. Thanks!
Shane (Rozanov): Baking soda + water.
Hanna (Carmichael): …How did one of the only 2 other people in this chat who doesn’t have periods answer first?
Katie (Hammersmith): Saliva also works! But I doubt you want to do that in this situation
Hanna (Carmichael): …Katie are you okay?
Shane (Rozanov): Ilya picks fights and then pretends he’s not hurt, and then I have to wash little bits of blood from our sheets when I realize he had untreated cuts on his arm.
Hannah (Varkov): As the third person in this chat with no periods, I’m not sure whether to be impressed or worried by that answer.
Do I need Cliff to talk with Roz about picking fights??
Shane (Rozanov): Emma, your fiancé get in more fights than my mate does. I don’t think that would help.
Yeah, to defend your mate when he’s being a pest
Shane (Rozanov): It gets them minutes on the power play after the other team gets penalties for fighting! Not the strategy I’d use, but it does kind of work.
====
Bears MWAGs 🐻
October 29th, 2016
Ellie (St-Simon): Who’s coming to the game tonight?
Me!
Nate (Sebbin): I’ll be there.
Hannah (Varkov): Me too
Hanna (Carmichael): +1
Katie (Hammersmith): Still in Philly, unfortunately. But I’m coming up for Thanksgiving and Christmas!
I’m guessing Melissa and Sadie are probably not coming, as usual. Shane?
Shane (Rozanov): Couldn’t get a babysitter, unfortunately.
Ellie (St-Simon): You could bring them along, if you needed to. We’ve got a WAG box (MWAG box?? Do we need to talk to venue staff and get the name officially changed??) at all home games, and since none of us are bringing kids this time we could help you watch them.
Shane (Rozanov): Maybe another time. They’re all a little sound-sensitive, so we’d probably need to get them special ear protection, first.
Sadie (Dubek): Not to pry (and feel totally free not to answer) but are your kids on the spectrum? My daughter is.
Shane (Rozanov): We’re still in the diagnostic process, but probably. I am, and my parents both have some obvious traits (but never got diagnosed) so it probably runs in the family.
Sadie (Dubek): Sounds like you probably have it covered, then. If you ever want to chat, I’m here! My daughter is six, now, so we’re navigating the school transition.
Shane (Rozanov): Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind. Should be fine, though. Everyone in my family is low support needs, and it’s kind of just in our family culture.
Sadie (Dubek): Even with Roz? Like, he’s not messing with any of that family culture?
Shane (Rozanov): He’s Russian, which is about 80% of the way to Autistic when it comes to expressing emotions
Hannah (Varkov): 😂I know Kiril’s family has been in the US for generations, but I can kind of back that up.
Shane (Rozanov): Plus Ilya just loves our kids so much, and he trusts me to know what they need. So it works out.
I’m glad you have him, Shane. (And he has you. I’m guessing that second part is probably more important, knowing Roz.)
Shane (Rozanov): No comment.
Ellie (St-Simon): Awwwwwww
====
Bears MWAGs 🐻
November 5th, 2016
Melissa (Kane): Okay update. David and I are off again. This man is pissing me off.
Ellie (St-Simon): What did he do this time?
Melissa (Kane): We were talking about if we had any kids, whose last name they should get. I said that boys should get his last name, girls should get mine, and then if they want to switch when they’re teenagers they can decide for themselves.
Ellie (St-Simon): And what did he say?
Melissa (Kane): That he “couldn’t imagine a daughter of his not having his last name.” How does he fucking think I feel????
Hanna (Carmichael): Men are awful.
Katie (Hammersmith): You’re dating one, thoughhhh
Hanna (Carmichael): A decision I regret every day. But, correction: Alpha** men are awful. (Love you Nate and Shane. And Hannah. Omega men and alpha women are the sunshine of my days)
Hannah (Varkov): You know you can break up with your boyfriend and date an alpha woman, right??? Bcs that seems like it’s what you want
Hanna (Carmichael): We’re here to support Melissa.
Nate (Sebbin): Mel!!! I know you’ve already thought about it, but I do think you should look into getting the bond broken if you know that your values are so different. You’ve got health insurance from your work, right?
Melissa (Kane): Yes, but it doesn’t cover bond breaks. Only ‘necessary procedures’
Hanna (Carmichael): Because freeing someone from unwanted (and sometimes abusive) relationships is an unnecessary procedure 🙃
Shane (Rozanov): If you know it’s what you want to do, I’m sure some of us could pitch in. Ilya lets me control the budget in our house, and we have money set aside every year for charities and stuff like that, I could talk with him and we could send some of that your direction if you need it.
Melissa (Kane): Thank you so much, Shane!! But I don’t want to take that from you guys with nothing in return, plus I think I would need to get David to sign off on it too. Which he isn’t going to do rn
Hanna (Carmichael): Or you could always get a court order. Just saying.
Melissa (Kane): He’s not that bad. Just… Different than I would like him to be.
Hanna (Carmichael): Okay and you’re still basically trying to get a divorce; Massachusetts is a no-fault state for legally enforcing bond breaks when desired by either party.
Shane, in case it wasn’t clear, Hanna is a lawyer.
Hanna (Carmichael): Not yet. Just an L3 who’s very stressed about taking the Bar in the near future.
Shane (Rozanov): That’s still super impressive, Hanna.
Nate (Sebbin): Remind me how the hell Ryan convinced you to date him???
Hanna (Carmichael): Unfortunately the same instincts that made me study civil rights law also made me look at that man and decide I could fix him.
Katie (Hammersmith): Not your responsibility to, tho!!
Hanna (Carmichael): Oh, I’m aware.
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Bears MWAGs 🐻
November 19th, 2016
Shane (Rozanov): [image: three young children, all wearing layered coats, snow pants, and knitted hats. There are two girls and one boy; all of them are sitting on a metal bench with ice skates on their feet.]
Shane (Rozanov): First skating lesson for our little ones! I wanted to get them started as soon as they turned 3, but Ilya convinced me to put it off until they all had their coordination and motor skills a little more under control.
Katie (Hammersmith): Oh my god they’re so cuuuuute!!! I take back everything I said abt them being demon babies
Sadie (Dubek): What are their names, if you don’t mind us asking?
Shane (Rozanov): Yuliya, Irina, and Mikhail (left to right.) Irina’s the oldest by about five minutes, and she’s named after Ilya’s mother.
Ellie (St-Simon): That’s so sweet! Are you going to try to get them to play hockey in a few years, or…?
Shane (Rozanov): Maybe. I hope they’ll like skating, and they definitely have hockey genes on both sides, but we’re not going to push them to do anything if they don’t want to.
Hockey genes on both sides? You play hockey too?
Shane (Rozanov): Ilya jokes that there’s no one on earth who likes hockey more than me. Unfortunately I could never go pro, but I played a lot as a kid and teenager. My dad played, too, and my mom was a speed skater.
Nate (Sebbin): So what I’m hearing is that you two are in fact trying to make a hockey team out of your kids.
Shane (Rozanov): Ilya would probably like that. But like I said, we’re probably done after this pregnancy.
Hanna (Carmichael): Probably? I thought you said you were definitely done. Shane stand your ground, I’m begging you.
Shane (Rozanov): I mean… It’s more my decision than his. And I’m not sure I’m ready for there to be only one more round of first skate days.
Melissa (Kane): Your honor, this man is officially Baby Crazy
Katie (Hammersmith): You know that being pregnant affects your health, right? Like especially if you have a lot of pregnancies with multiple babies within a few year period. (Med student, here)
Nate (Sebbin): Again… How are these jocks getting genius partners?? Like I’m sorry but Evan and I are both dumb as rocks 80% of the time, and at least he has the concussions to blame
Shane (Rozanov): It’s fine, Katie. We check in with my doctor before we go off birth control, I promise. We follow all medical advice.
Nate, babe, have you considered that 'dumbass' is just your type?? And not all hockey players are literally dumb as rocks??
Nate (Sebbin): And you’re marrying Marly. Who apparently had no idea that Roz had kids despite being his best friend for multiple years
Shane (Rozanov): In Emma and Marlow’s defense, we were doing a lot to try to keep the news from spreading.
Ellie (St-Simon): Why though??? Shane we could’ve been enjoying baby picks!! We love you and your little ones!!
Ellie, your husband got traded to Boston last season. You wouldn’t have been here when the triplets were born.
Ellie (St-Simon): And???
Hannah (Varkov): Some people like privacy, Ellie
Ellie (St-Simon): Okay but not from us. We’re sooooo nice, I promise.
Nate (Sebbin): And definitely not gossipy as hell 😉
====
Bears MWAGs 🐻
November 25th, 2016
Hannah (Varkov): Reminder that it’s wine night tonight! Katie, you’re in town, right?
Katie (Hammersmith): I am!! Can’t wait.
Hannah (Varkov): Shane, do you need me to text you my address? Roz probably has it, but I can send it to you again in case you don’t want to deal with Roz’s terrible organization system
Shane (Rozanov): Address for what, sorry?
Hannah (Varkov): Wine night. We try to do one once every month or two; it used to be at Em’s, but since she got too focused on wedding planning we decided to move it to my place. Kiril’s out visiting one of his college friends, so it’s just us (+ any kids we bring. But anyone who drives and brings kids isn’t actually allowed wine. Not that you can have it right now anyway, I guess)
Shane (Rozanov): Oh. I don’t think I’ll be able to come this time, sorry.
Sadie (Dubek): Why not? Again, don’t worry about bringing the kids. We always have at least a few, so there’s a play area to set up in advance. Totally baby-proofed for the little ones.
Shane (Rozanov): I just don’t want to break them out of their evening routine without any preparation. Maybe I can come to the next one? The triplets just need a bit more warning time before we change their routines at all.
Sadie (Dubek): Oh, totally. No worries, then! We’ll probably have one the week after Christmas, if you’d like to come to that one.
Or any of the home games! Like was said in here before, we are totally happy to help you watch the triplets from the MWAG box.
Ellie (St-Simon): Yes plss!! Shane I would love to meet your kids!!
Shane (Rozanov): We’ll think about it. Again, it’s just a little difficult socializing when you have kids who are special needs. I always want to make sure that they have what they need, before I think of any other priorities.
Ellie (St-Simon): Totally! But we’ll be here when you (and they!) are ready.
Shane (Rozanov): Thanks. But don’t be surprised when they starting acting more like Roz than me.
Katie (Hammersmith): Oh no was I right about them being demon children
Shane (Rozanov): Only sometimes.