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“You used to love winter, why the change of heart?” Jackson asks as he rubs his hands together for warmth, the hot blood coursing through his veins doing little to heat up his body. Jaebum’s at his side, walking with gloved fists buried to the hilt in the depths of his coat pockets, a scarf wound defensively around his face. The birds chirp loudly enough that their shrill cries cause him to wince just a little.
“Winter reminds me of him.” Jaebum shrugs, watching the snow crunch under his feet, each step leaving a large, personalised footprint emblazoned on the sidewalk, stagnant until the next person comes along and tramples it. It’s true that he did use to love winter, still does to a degree, but it’s not the same.
They walk in silence as the sun trickles down over the frosted trees, peering through grey plumes of cloud to sprinkle the snow in warm yellow and pale light. The air is crisp, nipping at their noses just the way Jaebum likes it, and he attempts to ignore the oncoming symptoms of a cold he feels looming in his system.
Normally, around this time of year he’d be feeling incredibly nostalgic, maybe a bit relieved and very at peace, but it’s not the same anymore. This time he’s alone with only bitterly fond memories to taint the sanctity of his favourite season.
It’s not all bad though, he thinks as he witnesses a hobbling old man drop a couple of pennies into the begging cups of a few homeless imps. Winter tends to bring out a softer side in people, good feelings exchanged through meek gestures and occasional generosity.
“It’s almost your birthday, just a few weeks now. Want anything in particular?” Jackson asks, redirecting the topic of conversation, if only to save his own skin/fur. Werewolves tend to do that; avoid confrontation except when completely unavoidable.
Jaebum knows what he wants but it’s not something Jackson can give him, so he simply shrugs. Jackson clicks his teeth in mild annoyance and elbows him softly, no malice in the action.
“Hyung, you’ve gotta stop being like this. I thought you’d be over him by now.”
It stings a little, just the feelings that bubble up, but he doesn’t let it show.
“So did I. But it’s not my fault that everything reminds me of him. I can’t even go back to that quaint little cafe I really liked, the stench of peppermint hot chocolate just brings me back to last year. God, I was so much less miserable.” He chuckles but it’s cold and humourless, the bitter taste of regret and longing feel fresh and distinct on his tongue.
Jackson sighs but trains his eyes ahead, the odd, coloured car driving past with condensation clouding its windows.
“You know he misses you too, right?”
Jaebum bites down on his tongue and doesn’t reply, not even a shrug or a nod. It wouldn’t be truthful for him to do so. He hardly knows Jinyoung anymore.
“Well he does. You’re both idiots, frankly, but it’s none of my business.” He leaves it at that and Jaebum mulls the words over in his head. Usually his early morning walks with Jackson are relaxing and don’t leave him reassessing his broken relationships for the thousandth time, they’re usually a nice way to make sure Jackson fulfils his canine-esque walking needs, that more often than not ends in warm, spiced coffee.
Not today though.
“He’s a vampire, they don’t miss people. They can’t.” Jaebum mutters and speeds up his pace, overtaking Jackson and creating a little distance between them. Jackson catches up quickly enough.
“What the hell does that mean?”
Jaebum remains silent for a moment, reluctant and almost unwilling to divulge his biggest insecurities, the ones that lead to the downfall of his and Jinyoung’s relationship. Sometimes he desperately wishes he hadn’t been born human, that he could relate to Jinyoung on some other level, that he could be with him without the anxiety or the guilt gnawing away at him every day.
“Vampires are immortal, Jackson. They don’t die unless you stake them through the heart, and that’s only legal through euthanasia these days. Do you know what that means? They move on. They see the people they cherish die and they have to move on, they learn not to miss people. Jinyoung doesn’t miss me, he wouldn’t let himself. He’s too proud.”
Jackson blinks at him as he appears to digest the words, their legs moving in perfect synchronicity as Jaebum’s oxfords slap the ground, careful not to slip and slide on the icy sheath below.
“You humans do really like to pity yourselves don’t you? Doesn’t matter that we’re the ones facing discrimination on a daily basis.” Jackson remarks, lip curling a little with the comment as he takes his opportunity to fold his hands under his armpits for warmth. He really needs to use those gloves that Mark gave him.
“But anyway,” He continues before Jaebum can get a word in. “Think whatever you want, hyung, but he does miss you. I know he does.”
Jaebum snorts but deep down he clings onto the sentiment with hope, prays that maybe Jackson’s right about this one. That maybe Jinyoung does miss him.
He clears his throat with the trace of a cough and rearranges his hands inside his pockets.
“Want to go get some coffee? I’ve got a shoot with the Bhuwakuls later and I’m gonna need a lot of caffeine to get me through it.”
Jackson laughs at that and nods, his arm brushing up against Jaebum’s.
“Be careful dude, don’t forget his mother’s a nymph. I’ve heard she can have quite the effect on guys.”
Jaebum pulls a face.
“Ew, the idea of being Bambam’s stepfather just crossed my mind and I honestly can’t think of anything worse. Don’t worry, never gonna happen.”
Jackson beams at him with that familiar smile that reminds Jaebum why they’re best friends.
“I’m glad to hear it.”