Work Text:
“Have you ever considered euthanasia before?” Mark asks far too casually as he takes a sip from the tall glass before him, casting his eyes sideways to glance at Jinyoung. Jinyoung doesn’t respond immediately, already caught up with the thoughts circulating through his mind, but when he does, he’s not particularly taken aback.
“Yeah, quite a few times honestly. I’ve never really felt like it’s been the right time though. Something always seemed to crop up just when I thought I was ready to die.”
Mark chuckles at that, gracefully trailing a fingertip along the rim of his glass, eyes watching the gold, bubbling drink as it fizzes and pops.
“Classic Jinyoung conundrum. ‘I would die but I’m a little too busy at the moment’.”
Jinyoung rolls his eyes and downs another shot of voluptatem, shuddering at the pleasant sensation cascading down his spine and seeping into his bones. Human alcohol had never really been his thing, didn’t hit him quite hard enough, so whenever he ended up in the last stool at the bar of his favourite club, he’d always order off the mystic menu instead.
“How’re things with Jackson?” He peacefully interrogates, trying to redirect the conversation away from himself. 'Mark and Jackson' has always been an interesting and somewhat turbulent dynamic, a constant on-again-off-again back and forth of the same two people, the love and the hate picking their best and worst days.
But Jinyoung knows that, while Mark has seen other people since he started his... thing with Jackson, he always goes back to him because ultimately Mark has never cared about somebody as much as he cares about Jackson.
Mark shrugs, taking another sip.
“We’re alright. We’re not really together right now but I’ve been hanging out with him every so often. We went shopping the other day—he ripped his shirt mid-transformation again and needed some new stuff.”
Jinyoung snorts.
“And that’s classic Jackson. I love him and all but sometimes I wonder why you keep him around, he’s practically a glorified pet.”
Mark feigns offence but Jinyoung can see the thinly veiled amusement lacing Mark’s features.
“I know vampires and werewolves don’t have the best track record, but please try to be nice. I keep him around because, well, I like him I guess.”
Mark is well known for being good at concealing his true feelings, ever so peaceful, as expected of somebody half elf. He’s learned how to keep his voice unshaken, his face passive and unreadable, but after all these years Jinyoung’s wriggled under one or two of his defences, and he can tell when Mark’s trying to hide something.
“Aren’t you worried that if he ends up leaving you for somebody else, you’ll die?”
Mark frowns at that, fingers now taut around the neck of his glass. Jinyoung doesn’t know a huge amount about elves but over the years he’s learned a few things; that they’re immortal, just like vampires, except that they are susceptible to grief and weariness. He’s heard of elves dying from broken hearts and wonders if the thought has ever crossed Mark’s mind.
“Well, I’m only half elf so I’m not even really immortal, I just have an extremely long lifespan. I know that eventually, one day, I’ll die and end up as a cloud or a hurricane or something. Perks of having a sylph for a mother.”
Jinyoung notices he’s skirting around the question. Something’s bugging Mark, he can tell by the way the older boy drums his fingers against the bar top, mouth curling over the edge of his glass for another sip like there’s words on the tip of his tongue.
“I guess, yeah there’s a chance I might die early if Jackson leaves me. But I’m going to die anyway, I don’t see the issue with dying for someone you love.”
It hits home for Jinyoung, and he’s suddenly struck with memories of winters spent in Jaebum’s apartment, curled up with a warm cup of blood and an old Christmas movie playing on the TV. Jinyoung is reluctant to admit it, hasn’t said it aloud yet, but he misses it. He misses Jaebum.
Mark and Youngjae have asked him about it before, whether he and Jaebum are done for good, if he’s truly over their relationship, and he’s lied through his fangs every single time. He’s too proud to admit that Jaebum’s somehow got a vice like grip on his undead heart. After all the lovers he’s had in his lifetime, all the men and women and inbetweens he’s had in his bed, of course the human is the one that sticks.
Prior to meeting Jaebum, Jinyoung had promised himself never to fall in love with a normal. He could have flings with them, appreciate them from afar, but under no circumstance was he to fall in love. Oh how easy fucking up that plan had been.
“I know you miss him, Jinyoung. We can all tell. You haven’t stopped drinking since the breakup.” Mark says in a quiet voice, his empty glass pushed back for the bartender to take. Jinyoung reaches forwards for another shot.
“I’m fine.” He lies as he knocks it back. He doesn’t like opening up and the metaphorical wounds from his time with Jaebum are still fresh and raw, though maybe that’s because he keeps picking at the scabs.
“He misses you too, y’know. Jackson’s told me. Youngjae’s said as well.”
Jinyoung feels a dull ache in his chest and pushes the thoughts of Jaebum’s laugh, happy and enormous, away for fear of dwelling too long.
“He doesn’t miss me, I bet he’s glad to be rid of me. It was never going to work, I should have known that from the start.”
Mark sighs in defeat.
“You know, I’ve always been a little jealous of you.” Jinyoung adds and Mark looks up at him curiously.
“Why?”
“Because you fell in love with another creature, someone who understands you, someone who lives longer than a human does. Jaebum’s average lifespan is about 80 years, and he used to smoke, so it’s probably even lower. 80 years. Can you imagine that? I barely did anything in 80 years and that’s all he’s got."
Jinyoung’s voice is a little shaky and it’s also times like this that he envies Mark’s levelheadedness. Mark remains characteristically quiet but he’s radiating sympathy and Jinyoung’s tempted to order another round of shots.
“It doesn’t matter anyway, he’s not mine. He can do whatever he wants to with his pathetically short life.” The comment lacks the intended bitterness and Jinyoung curses internally as he slaps down some cash on the bar top, and gets to his feet.
“See you around, Mark.” He bids with a friendly pat on the arm and then he leaves, his hands in his pockets and his heart in his throat.