Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

June 2017

Kanako. Such a fitting name for the coffee shop Ken’s uncle owns. A passion project turned into a flourishing business. Ken often found himself wishing he was as determined in his goals as his uncle was with opening his cozy cafe. He even mentioned it to his mother once as she was nagging him to study for his exams, to which he was met with “You’re only a teenager, you still have the time to figure it out” as a reply. Fair enough, he considered, but more often than not, this world he was living in felt like it was going to swallow him whole with all the endless possibilities it held. 

So, he kept doing what he knew best. Art. He was especially infatuated with photography. Therefore, what was logical for him in this turning point of life was going to art school after graduating. He didn’t think about it too much, he just considered it was only natural for him to follow that interest of his and turn it into a career. His parents didn’t care much as long as he was doing something with his life, and going to Australia to study editorial photography sounded fancier and more lucrative than it probably was in reality. He’d be a big fashion photographer in a few years, and that just made sense.

But he still had a long way to go until then, and even more than that, he had a long and painful shift at said coffee shop coming up that he had to put up with. The idea of working for his uncle to earn some extra money for the college tuition and other cool university student things in the future sure sounded promising at first, but now he was starting to regret trying so hard to be independent instead of just accepting his parents’ support in his choices. Despite his everyday inner complaints, he still showed up on time every time and gave his all. Besides, his uncle trusted him enough to give him the closing shift, so he had no choice but to be as responsible as he wished he was in all the other aspects in his life. 

All of that did not negate the fact that Ken really truly hated his schedule. He was stressed beyond his capacity, in between studying for final exams, preparing his entrance portfolio, which, unfortunately meant that he had to make art that he hated as well, and working the closing shift as a barista in a popular coffee shop in the center of Manila. It was quite rough, and he found himself dreaming about going back to his childhood days before realizing he was starting to sound like an old man at the ripe age of 17. Adding the fact that he sometimes had the rudest customers and he couldn’t just tell them off was the cherry on top of the shit cake. He wasn’t really cut out for the customer service industry, with sharp eyes and a resting bitch face that had gotten him in trouble more often than it should’ve.

That summed up Ken’s life for the past two long and arduous weeks that he’d been working as a barista. It was not long at all, and he knew that, but he also knew he had the right to complain as much as he wanted to because, in the end, he was still getting all the work done. He just hated that structure with the exams getting closer and closer every day and the rainy season starting early that year. It wasn’t nearly as bad as other years, but walking for 15 minutes from school to the coffee shop in the middle of pouring rain almost every single day was not pleasant. 

At this point, he was just looking forward to the weekend, only a day keeping him away from those two blissful days where he would be slightly less stressed. But it was okay, he kept telling himself that, because one day,  all of his hard work would be paying off and he would be successful enough to make his entire family proud. Just, for now, he was stuck having to force a customer friendly smile and pretend not to notice all the high school girls flirting with him on the job.

As his daily self-pitying monologue was coming to an end, so was his walk to the cafe. Nearing the shop, he was the least bit grateful for the rain as that meant there would barely be any customers for the day, so he would have extra time to sketch some more. He was so close to finishing his portfolio but something was just missing and he couldn’t understand what.

Ken’s planning was cut short as he finally reached the cafe and noticed a hooded figure wearing a backpack standing under the shop’s awning while smoking a cigarette. A boy around his own age, he figured, as he got closer, though his face seemed hardened by an unfortunate life, if the tattered clothes he was wearing were telling enough. He looked lost and agitated while dragging long puffs from that cigarette as if it held the answers to his life and would teleport him somewhere safe if he just inhaled enough smoke.

Ken was staring and he knew it. It was one of those moments in life when he didn’t know what to do. Should he ask the boy if he’s okay? But that might be taken as condescending and superiority ridden. Should he just go inside the cafe and mind his business? That would make him a bystander in a big societal issue, indirectly contributing to this same problem by choosing to ignore the clearly distressed man. He didn’t know what to do and he hated himself for it.

However, Ken didn’t even have the time to make this big decision that would for sure dictate the rest of his life, as the stranger himself cut in through his indecisiveness. 

“Would you stop gawking at me like I murdered your family?”

Well.

That was one way to start a conversation, for sure.

“Oh. Sorry. I was wondering if you’re okay.”

Ken was met with a scoff and a sarcastic laugh. “Yeah, right. Just go and mind your damn business like everyone else does in this city”, muttered the hooded boy, now having finished his cigarette. He unceremoniously dumped the butt of said cigarette on the ground and stepped on it, turning his back towards Ken to walk away.

Ken didn’t know if he should be offended or not, but against his better judgement, he lightly grabbed the stranger’s arm to turn him around from leaving. For a brief moment, he realized that the sharp-tongued boy was shorter than him.

“I’m serious. I work here. You can come in for a while if you want, I could lend you a change of dry clothes.”

The boy’s thick eyebrows furrowed as he was weighing his options. With one mean glance and a shrug, he then nodded and decided to walk into the cafe alongside Ken. 

He followed the latter into the locker room, where he was given a change of clean clothes. A pair of blue jeans and a black t-shirt.

“I figure we wear roughly the same size” said Ken while grabbing his own change of dry clothes. He then wordlessly walked away to let the other change in privacy.

As the door to the locker closed, the other boy looked back at the neatly folded clothes in his hands and relaxed his shoulders for what felt like the first time in years.

As Ken was putting on his apron and getting ready to do his routine cleaning of the work station, he heard the stranger walk out of the locker room until he made his way in front of the counter. He was surprised to see how much more youthful he looked wearing clean clothes. His face contorted into a frown as he wondered what the boy in front of him had seen in his life.

“Thanks. Sorry if I was rude. Some people don’t really mean it. Honestly, most people just pretend they don’t notice me. So- I guess I just assumed the worst.” the boy muttered quietly, shyly looking around the cafe, like he was somewhere he wasn’t allowed to be. “So… yeah. Thanks again-” he stopped himself to glance at Ken’s nametag on his apron, before continuing “Ken.”

“It’s okay. I just hope that you’re better now. Why did you look like you were on the verge of a mental breakdown though?” Ken questioned, trying to keep a straight face and not let his sheepishness seep through his inquiry. 

The boy let out a loud laugh at Ken’s question. His laugh quickly turned from genuine to awkward and almost desperate. After a short pause, he simply answered with “It’s stupid. Besides, you're probably busy. I should go.”

Ken shrugged and glanced at the empty cafe. “I don’t see any other customers apart from you. Want a coffee while you tell me your stupid story? On the house.” he said, emphasizing the word “stupid” with light sarcasm. 

The boy awkwardly scratched his head and scrunched his face in slight embarrassment. “Um. Well- sure. Thanks.”

Ken nodded once and started grinding coffee beans while patiently waiting for the other to speak his mind.

“So… I’m homeless. That’s whatever, but today, I really messed up, you know?” He paused to gather the right way to say the next part, but it still hit him the same once he said it out loud: “I spent my last 150 pesos on a pack of cigarettes and I can’t even afford to sleep at the shelter tonight because of that.” He cringed in shame immediately after, looking for a way to cower until the earth swallowed him whole.

Ken only glanced at him as he made his coffee. Once he was done, all he asked was “What’s your name?”. The other was quickly pulled out of his crisis by this unrelated question to glance back at Ken in confusion. His face held no descriptive emotion and, somehow, that comforted him.

 “Josh. My name’s Josh”.

 Ken nodded as he quickly scribbled something on a paper cup before sliding said coffee cup towards Josh. Upon closer inspection, he noticed he wrote his name followed by a smiley face on the cup. In spite of himself, all Josh could do was laugh. He’d just spilled his life crisis in front of this stranger only to be given a custom cup of coffee with his name written on it. He was expecting judgement, he was expecting Ken to kick him out for spending his little amount of money on a useless vice instead of buying a warm meal or staying at the shelter, he was expecting him to maybe laugh in his face or spill that coffee on him. He wasn’t expecting this weird act of service behind a neutral face.

After a beat of silence, Ken just said “Feel free to stay here as long as I’m here. I can refill your cup. It’s on me.” 

Josh just nodded in confusion as he watched the other boy continue his cleaning routine before other customers showed up. He felt grateful for this short time he could spend somewhere safe. He figured he could worry about the money situation a bit later. For now, he thought maybe he deserved to enjoy a good coffee for the first time in a while. 

Taking a seat at one of the tables, Josh took this opportunity to properly look at the cafe. Sage green walls were decorated by various pieces of art in different styles and genres he could probably never be able to name. The tables were neatly arranged in the middle, with small lamps and well designed menus on each table. There was also a sitting area in front of the window for those who wanted to people watch, perhaps, or didn’t want to interact with anyone. Tucked away in a small corner was a comfortable looking armchair with yellow plaid patterned fabric and a small pillow. Next to it, an almost life sized painting of a family of 4 and a small black cat. For a brief second, Josh wondered what the story behind that was, as he glanced back at the pastel pink tiled floor and how clean it looked in contrast to his beaten up shoes. He suddenly felt self conscious, but decided to bite that feeling back for once.

After a bit of contemplation and looking back and forth between Ken and all the different artworks, Josh took out a small notebook he kept safely in his backpack along with his old phone. Its screen was cracked beyond salvation. It was a wonder that the device still worked.

“Could I maybe charge my phone here?” he asked Ken, who simply nodded towards the power outlet closest to Josh as he was washing coffee mugs.

 Josh appreciated that Ken didn’t ask too many questions. For the first time in a really long time, he didn’t feel watched or scrutinized for simply existing. He took in what felt like his first breath of air before opening his notebook and writing a few ideas that had been bouncing in his head in between his daily worries and the fight to survive. He used to love writing when he was younger, before everything went wrong. He even won a couple creative writing competitions in primary school, back when there was still some hope for the future. And in that quiet moment, in the cozy cafe, that hope poked its head back into Josh’s vision, for the first time in years. Because that moment was for him and him alone, and he knew that the quiet stranger working behind the counter wouldn’t question him for it. 

As the afternoon bled into evening, Ken served his last customer before preparing to close the shop up. As if on cue, Josh quickly stood up from his seat, unplugged his phone and put it back into his backpack along with his notebook, all in a rushed frenzy. 

“I guess it’s time for me to go then. Thanks again.” he told Ken while hurrying to leave as soon as possible. Ken paused his chores to look at Josh in his struggle to disappear. He swiftly walked towards the boy who was suddenly resuming his panicked antics after a few hours of serenity and simply handed him 300 pesos. “So you can sleep at the shelter for the next few nights. Feel free to drop by again, I start my shifts at 3 p.m.”

Josh almost let his pride get the best of him. He paused for a second, wanting to bark a biting remark at the other about pity and superiority, but then decided against it. Ken did not judge his choice of spending his last money on his addiction, nor did he ask about his situation in pity. He gave him the freedom of choosing to come back to Kanako without any pressure. Slowly, he reached towards the other’s hand where the money sat neatly, and took it with a small grateful smile. “Thank you.” With that, he took his backpack and left the cafe.

Now alone, Ken thought about how trivial all of his own problems seemed in comparison to the agitated boy who chose cigarettes over sleeping in safety. And if he hoped that he would see Josh again, that was his own secret. He smiled as he turned the lights off and locked the doors.

~

Ken didn’t see Josh until the next week. Once again, back in his usual rhythm of a Thursday, he was already dreaming about his weekend and finishing his latest art piece that he was working on.

It wasn’t raining anymore which was unusual for that time of year, but Ken was grateful that he didn’t have to walk in the rain for once. He was in a much peppier mood this time, music blasting in his headphones, ready to take on his shift, and practicing his best customer service smile. 

He stopped in his tracks in silent excitement as he recognized a familiar figure under the cafe’s awning, once again, smoking a cigarette.

They both greeted each other with a single nod. None of them said anything but it was enough. Josh went inside the cafe following Ken who was getting ready to start his shift. 

Wearing the same clothes he lent last time, Josh looked much more put together and calm. Ken was happy at the subtle change in his guarded expression.

“Anything to drink?” Ken asked. Josh took his time to look at the menu for the first time, before ordering a cappuccino, feeling like a proper customer this time. 

When Ken slid the paper coffee cup on the counter, Josh wasn’t surprised to see his own name followed by yet another smiley face written on said cup. In exchange, Josh set down 300 pesos on the counter as payment, looking the least bit proud of himself for being able to pay Ken back for his good deed.

“I got an odd job carrying supplies for a bakery this past week. I have enough for the next few days now.” he said in a content tone.

There were no dramatics, no big show of Ken telling Josh he should keep his money, no pitying gaze. Ken simply nodded and took the money back, feeling oddly proud of this boy that he met last week.

The rest of the day consisted of Ken serving almost too many customers, Josh sitting tucked away in the plaid armchair that he had decided was now his spot while frantically scribbling in his notebook, and the both of them stealing silent glances at each other from time to time. Ken would refill Josh’s cup once in a while. Josh would plug his phone into the power outlet that sat next to him. He would sometimes step outside to smoke a cigarette with his coffee. Ken wanted to join him, but he did not want to overstep, so he chose to just watch from afar whenever he had a break.

It was silent. It was comfortable. They were quickly falling into a new rhythm that felt too natural. When Ken had to close the shop up, Josh knew that would be his cue to leave and go back to his unfortunate reality. But knowing that he got to spend those few peaceful hours in safety, accompanied by an unexpected friend, it made facing his reality just a tad easier. 

It also made Ken’s process of working on his portfolio easier. That same weekend, he completed 3 pieces that he’d been stuck on for a while, with a newfound burst of creativity.

It became a habit. Every Thursday, Josh would show up right before Ken’s shift started, smoking a cigarette under the awning before following him inside and getting a coffee. Always the same cappuccino, Ken already knew. Sometimes Josh paid for it, when he’d have a bit more money from whatever odd job he was working, other times he wouldn’t have enough. 

Ken never asked. He always made his coffee wordlessly, at some point switching from the paper to-go cup to the proper mugs they had for clients who decided to sip their coffee inside. He even started learning latte art just to decorate Josh’s cappuccinos. The first few times he started doing that, it would always be followed by a fond laugh at whatever milky atrocity Ken managed to draw, but as he got better overtime, Josh would compliment his newfound skills with small smiles.

One slow day, Josh showed up later than usual, already finding Ken at the counter, scrolling mindlessly on his phone, not one client in sight. The moment Ken glanced up from his phone rabbit hole and noticed Josh come in, his eyes lit up upon noticing the other wearing a new, cleaner, change of clothes.

“I worked today. Some construction site needed an extra low-wage worker.” Josh said almost sheepishly.

Ken just smiled at him as he started making his coffee almost on autopilot. “I like your outfit”, he said while struggling with his latte art. Before Josh could even reply, he was astounded to see a little heart being drawn in his coffee. “I see you’ve managed to upgrade from unidentified blobs to hearts. Nice” he followed in a sarcastic tone. They both lightly laughed at that, something unspoken in between each sentence.

As Josh picked up his mug, preparing to go sit at his usual spot on the armchair, Ken suddenly got a bold impulse. “Would you mind if I sat with you? There’s no customers and I’m kinda working on something. Wouldn't be bad to have some company..” Josh paused for a second before smiling and nodding. Some company wouldn’t be too bad, indeed.

They sat in silence, Ken drawing in his sketchbook, preparing a couple new ideas for his last pieces of the portfolio, Josh still writing something that Ken didn’t have the courage to ask about. Whenever there would be a new customer coming in, Ken would have to pause his activities to serve them, but it didn’t feel like the worst inconvenience anymore, because he got to go back to sketching next to Josh. He had that to look forward to every time. 

When Josh stood up to go outside and smoke a cigarette, he wordlessly glanced back at Ken in a silent invitation to join him. That is how Ken ended up standing in front of his uncle’s cafe, watching a friendly stranger enjoy his vice like it was the only thing that still brought him pleasure.

“What are you working on? You were very focused there earlier.”, Josh asked suddenly. It quickly dawned Ken that that was the first time Josh asked him a real question and the thought warmed something in his chest.

“I want to go to art school. I’m preparing my entry portfolio. I am a couple of works short, so I’m trying to figure that out. I have a couple months left until I have to finish it.”

Josh hummed in response while looking in the distance, taking a last drag from his already finished cigarette. “Sounds serious. Would you show me some of your art one day?”

With a small smile, Ken nodded towards the interior of the cafe before replying “See that big painting next to your chair? I made that. It’s my uncle’s family. He owns this place.”

Funnily enough, that painting was Josh’s favorite. The little black cat from the image would always stare back at him, like it knew something he didn’t. He often wondered about the family portrayed in it but Ken didn’t need to know that yet. So all Josh did was smile knowingly before going back into the shop.

~

Josh started showing up more often. It started every Thursday, but then he would drop by on Wednesdays and Fridays as well. Sometimes he would find some new day jobs that would take all his time for an obscenely low paycheck, but he always made enough time to spend at least an hour at Kanako. It got to the point that it became a daily routine by the end of June. 

Ken’s routine had gotten weighed down by the pressure of his final exams that were happening in the upcoming week. He was feeling more stressed out than ever, and it was evident from his frantic movements through his barista shifts. If Josh noticed, he didn’t mention it. He kept quiet and brought the mop when Ken spilled a customer’s coffee in front of them. He observed as Ken was getting scolded by a middle aged lady for getting her change wrong. He watched him apologize with tired eyes. Finally, when said tired boy slumped on the chair in front of Josh with a groan, the latter didn’t even need to ask before Ken started listing an array of complaints.

“I’m so exhausted. I don’t understand how anyone expects me to go to school, then come to work with a bright smile everyday and then go home and spend the 3 hours left of my day studying for these stupid exams. Shouldn’t 17 feel like the age where you could do everything? I don’t even know if going to this university is really my dream.”

There was a short pause, before Josh started laughing. “Wait… you’re 17?”, he asked in between laughs. Ken scoffed in mock offense. “What- I’m telling you my whole sob story here and that’s all you have to say?! How old did you think I was? No- how old are you then?”

“I’m 19.” 

It was Ken’s turn to laugh, until Josh joined and they laughed in unison. They looked like idiots, for sure. None of them knew what they were laughing at anymore, but it felt good in that brief moment. When they both calmed down a little, Ken continued. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how privileged I must’ve been sounding. I probably shouldn’t complain so much about my situation.” he said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly.

“Nah, it’s not that. I don’t care, we all have our own problems, you have the right to complain as much as anyone else does. I just thought it was funny how focused you seem to be. You’re acting like you’re running out of time, but you’re just 17. I’ve seen you study your ass off over these past couple of weeks. Maybe you’re prepared enough. Just take a breather until you have to take your exam. You’ll see you were panicking over nothing.”

That night, Ken followed Josh’s advice and instead of spending the rest of his time studying or working on his portfolio, he went to sleep early. In fact, he paused all of that throughout the entire week leading up to the exams.

July 2017

It was unbearably hot, as the start of July was creeping its boiling fingers into the already hot environment. No more rain, for now. Just pure, raw, roasting heat. Despite that, Josh was still waiting for Ken in front of Kanako, as always. He was especially excited to hear about how the latter’s exams went, knowing he should’ve gotten his results by then.

When Ken showed up a few minutes later wearing a beaming smile that could outdo the scorching sun, Josh knew that it would be a good day. 

“So, it turns out you were right. I did what you suggested and I stopped stressing myself this past week. I passed the exams. With a really high grade too. Thank you.” said Ken while going inside the cafe and turning the air conditioning up a notch. Josh smiled proudly at him and just watched him prepare his coffee. He silently observed how the younger had upgraded his latte art from a simple heart to a rosetta now, intricate lines hugging each other in his cappuccino.

“I’m happy for you.” is all Josh had to say while sliding enough money to pay for his drink alongside a small note. Scribbled on the piece of paper was a phone number followed by his name and a smiley face. Upon noticing, Ken looked down at it and back at Josh in confusion. “In case you need to complain about something again and want some sage advice from your much older friend”, continued Josh with an amused smirk. Ken barked a short laugh at that and proceeded to slide said piece of paper in his pocket with a small nod.

The rest of the day went by smoothly. Ken was serving customer after customer with newfound energy as Josh was going through his usual routine of writing in his notebook while sipping on his cappuccino. It was warm and comfortable.

By the end of the evening, as he was locking up the shop, Ken turned around to face Josh before asking something that’s been on his mind for a while. “Would you want to come to my house?” he asked, determined, albeit a bit awkwardly, before continuing. “I have some clothes that I would like you to have, and an extra mattress you could sleep on. My parents wouldn’t mind, I bring friends over all the time, and you’re not the only old grandpa I’m friends with.” 

Josh laughed at that, and there was a beat of silence where he was considering how many good deeds were too many at that point. But Ken called him his friend, and that meant a lot to Josh, whether or not Ken truly meant it. It felt good to have someone around his age for a change. He nodded with a small smile before making space for Ken to lead the way to his house.

~

Josh felt like an intruder. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been inside a proper house. Still, he tried to push that feeling back because he wanted to feel like a normal teenager for once. He wanted to just be a boy who was going to his friend’s house to hang out. He’d been dreaming of a life like this ever since he ended up in the unfortunate situation he was in. He never really got to live his teenage years, so he welcomed the change that Ken brought into his life. Ken made him feel normal and treated him like an equal, no questions asked. Perhaps that was why he kept going back to Kanako. He needed the presence of someone like that in his life.

Ken’s parents’ house was modestly sized. Nothing too extravagant. Which only made it more of a home rather than just some house. A cramped, but long hallway that lead into a medium-sized living room. The walls were decorated with artworks that ranged in style and complexity. Josh assumed they were mostly Ken’s work along the years, taking into consideration the array of childish-looking paintings next to the realistic architectural sketches and professional looking photography. He did not ask, though he wanted to. There would come a time to ask about everything eventually. Or not. Josh was content making up his own stories about each work in the meantime. Ken unceremoniously plopped his bag on the couch, while moving towards the kitchen, which was separated by only a wall with an open entry arc from the living room. “My parents are probably working late today. Want anything to eat? I can warm up some leftovers.”, he asked while mindlessly opening the fridge, looking for the answers to life in there.

Josh was awkwardly standing in the open doorway between the two rooms, not sure what the appropriate answer would be to that question. 

At his silence, Ken turned around to notice the boy’s inner turmoil written on his face like subtitles on a quiet movie. “That was not a trick question. I’m going to have dinner, and I’m asking if you want to eat with me.” Josh’s posture slightly relaxed at the reassurance and, with a shy smile, he nodded. “Yeah. I’ll have whatever you’re having.” Ken lightly smiled in return as he pulled out some leftover food from the fridge, casually throwing it in the microwave.

They ate in silence at the dining table, both feeling awkward in this new setting, not sure how to strike up a conversation. Josh refused to take his eyes off of his own food, almost scared to look at his surroundings, as if it was an illusion that would break the moment he would lift his head to acknowledge it. Ken didn’t know how to make Josh feel more comfortable and was picking up on the fact that the latter was probably feeling like an outsider. Still, he was the first one to talk, in an attempt to distract the boy from his own self-deprecating thoughts.

“So. If I get admitted to the university I want, I’ll be quitting my job mid-August. I could put in a good word for you with my uncle. Would you like to replace me?” asked Ken in between mouthfuls of food.

Josh paused and finally looked up from his plate, straight into Ken’s eyes with a confused and rather bewildered look. “What do you mean you’ll quit? Are you leaving Manila for your studies?”

Ken was surprised that that was Josh’s bigger concern, rather than the job opportunity he had just offered him. Still, he hummed. “Melbourne, Australia. There’s a really good art school there and they have a photography department.”

Josh’s eyes widened in response as he almost choked on his food. “That’s insane. Aren’t you like- I don’t know.. anxious about it or something? Going there by yourself and all.”

Ken took a second to reply as he was gathering his thoughts. “Not really. I’ve wanted to go abroad for a while. And since now I have the opportunity to, I just thought why not?”

Josh hummed, deep in thought for a second. “Well, I hope you get admitted. That does sound pretty cool.”

“Do you want the job though?”

“Yeah, no shit I want the job! That could change my life right now.”

Ken laughed in response before going back to eating his food.

Once the food had been eaten and the dishes had been done (courtesy of Josh wanting to make himself feel useful), the two boys settled in Ken’s room that sat across from the living room on the other side of the hallway. Ken laid in bed with his head hanging upside down as he stared at a flipped image of Josh sitting on the beanbag across the room, writing in his notebook. Though he looked very focused on his mysterious work, he was intently listening to Ken’s story about how he used to have a different room when he was younger, but decided to move into the room they currently were in when he turned 13 because it was placed in the very back of the house. For more “privacy”. Josh laughed heartily at that, making an off-hand remark about angsty teenagers, before going back to his notebook. There was a long stretch of comfortable silence that settled between them, before Ken got dizzy and decided to sit up.

“What are you always writing in there anyway?” he finally asked after staring at Josh for way too long without getting noticed.

Josh almost flinched at the question, looking like he got caught doing something he shouldn’t be doing. He looked a bit embarrassed of being perceived in his daily activities. “Just- anything, really. I used to write a lot of stories when I was younger. I still do that, but I also write poems, or just journal. It’s nothing crazy, just keeps my brain distracted.”

Ken hummed, considering if he should continue this conversation or not. “I can play the guitar. If you want, one day we could turn one of your poems into a song. It’d be fun.” he said as he was trying to adjust into a comfortable sitting position. He reminded Josh of a cat that couldn’t sit still for longer than 5 minutes, always moving in place.

The older boy smiled. “Yeah. That’d be fun. One day.”

With a prompt nod to each other, they made a promise that none of them would remember for a long while.

The night was spent eating an unholy amount of snacks while binge watching a silly drama series that Ken said would be funny. They would often pause the show to go into deep rants about something barely related to what they were watching. Josh would sometimes ask the most childish questions about some character’s backstory, expecting Ken to know the answers. That night, Ken finally got to see Josh in his true boyish manner, behind the rigid walls he’d built to protect himself from the cruel world he’d experienced. Behind his usual frown was a laugh so colorful that wormed its way into Ken’s heart. He didn’t know how to place this feeling, but all he knew was that he just wanted to keep making Josh laugh.

While taking a break from their series, the elder finally built up the courage to ask about Ken’s portfolio and what he’d been working on. And so, the next hour was followed by going through every single sketch and idea that Ken allowed Josh to see. He kept asking for more details about each one in childlike wonder. Josh had never talked so much in his life. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had laughed so much. In that moment, he felt free of all the burdens he’d always carried on his shoulders. And so, he kept on asking Ken about his photography and what else he had left for his portfolio.

“Actually, I’m almost fully finished with it. I just need to do one more photoshoot to close it up.”, Ken said while gathering all of his stray sketches back into the binder where he kept all of the important works. He then continued his train of thought. “I need a model though. All of my friends are busy around this time, and most of them have already modeled for me anyway.” He paused to consider if it was appropriate of him to ask for a favor from the other boy, but the conversation was already heading that direction, so it was too late anyway. “Would you maybe like to be a model for this last one? I’ve been looking for someone for a while. You have a pretty face so…”

The room turned silent. The only sound that could be heard were the passing cars through the open window.

Josh blinked. If his ears turned red, none of them mentioned it. “Um-”

“No actually, forget it. I’m sorry, that wasn’t cool.”, Ken quickly scrambled to sit up as he was trying to make himself busy, arranging some random papers at his desk while internally cringing at himself.

“I’d like to.” is all Josh said. No more, no less. He did not acknowledge the compliment that slipped through Ken’s filter, to which the latter was thankful. Turning around from his desk, Ken smiled at Josh, thanking whatever gods there were out there that the other boy didn’t just start running away from him. “Besides, maybe I’ll find my calling through modeling. Who knows?”, the elder continued under an air of fake confidence before laughing at whatever just happened.

Ken laughed along, and the air turned comfortable once again. 

“Okay then, once I figure some things out, I’ll text you to come over during the weekend.”

“Deal. Don’t leak my phone number though.” said Josh before sitting back down on the bed to resume the drama they were watching.

~ 

The next couple of weeks went by in a breeze. The two boys kept on their usual routine. Almost every day, Josh would wait for Ken to show up at Kanako for his 3 p.m. shift. They’d both walk in, Ken would make Josh’s order, which had switched from a cappuccino to an iced latte with one pump of vanilla as of lately. “Feeling adventurous after looking at the menu so many times” is all he said. He discovered he really loved sweet coffee. Goes well with the cigarettes.

He also had a few solid changes of clothes now, courtesy of Ken wearing the same size and lending him his own clothing. He kept on working odd jobs but he landed a couple of good ones that called him back for extra tasks sometimes, so he was earning enough to eat well and afford the shelter. He slept over at Ken’s house a couple times, but couldn’t keep relying on the other boy too much as he was starting to feel like a leech at times. The younger one reminded him that he didn’t mind, but Josh didn’t want to start feeling dependent on his friend.

And so, their usual rhythm kept on going steadily until it got loudly interrupted on one mundane afternoon. The cafe was quiet. There was soft R&B music playing in the background, thanks to Ken having control over the shop’s playlist. Said boy was sitting down next to Josh after a long rush of customers. The latter was writing in his notebook as per usual, sometimes offering small commentary about a specific song that was playing at the moment. It was peaceful and comfortable, with long stretches of silence that felt just right, not awkward, nor forced.

Then, suddenly, they could hear two loud voices hollering and laughing as they got closer to the cafe. Ken suddenly bolted out of his chair,frantically looking around through the windows like a madman. “No- no no no no, this can’t be happening right now”, pacing around the shop, trying to look for the source of the chaos, he looked more distressed than ever. Before Josh even had the chance to ask what was happening, he jumped at the sound of someone bursting through the door of the cafe before loudly exclaiming “There he is! I’m telling you, Justin, this guy got a girlfriend over the summer and forgot about us!”

Two boys. Around Ken’s age, Josh presumed. The one speaking loudly made a dramatic entrance, with arms flailing and a confident but accusatory tone. The other boy, Justin, he assumed, was silently nodding along to his friend’s dramatics while holding his arms crossed against his chest in mock disappointment at Ken’s wrongdoings. Josh looked in amusement at the scene unfolding before him, waiting to see what the latter’s response would be to the accusations his friends were throwing at him.

“You have a lot of explaining to do, mister! You can’t just go around ghosting your friends for almost two months! You don’t even have the excuse of exams anymore, what is going on with you?” continued the dramatic boy, looking like he was on the verge of tears and about to beat Ken up at the same time. 

“I think what he wants to say is: we are worried about you. You’ve done this before and it scared the shit out of us.” quickly added Justin, to calm his friend down a little. “I bumped into your uncle on the street a couple of days ago and he mentioned you work for him now. So, Stell and I thought a coffee is in order since you seem to have forgotten that you own a phone as of lately.” continued the boy with a bright smile that looked scarier than a scowl would have in that moment. Ken didn’t even have the time to come up with an explanation or excuse before Stell took notice of Josh and his observing the situation with an amused grin. Then, it was like a lightbulb switched on above his head. Wearing a devilish grin, he turned towards Ken while wiggling his eyebrows. “Anyone new we should be meeting?”, Stell remarked, getting backed up by Justin ooh-ing and aah-ing at the thought of Ken dating someone behind their back.

“Okay, that’s enough.” Ken suddenly said, clearly overwhelmed by the situation. “Don’t ever make that face at me again.” he continued, lightly punching Stell’s shoulder before urging them to sit down. 

That afternoon, Josh got to see a new side of Ken. He wasn’t that good at keeping in touch with his friends, it seemed. Which came as a surprising piece of information because Ken had been the only constant in Josh’s life for the past month and a half. Grounding and stable. They had a daily routine. So to hear from the boy’s own childhood friends that he was actually quite unreliable was jarring.

Still, the two boys were forgiving and had been more worried rather than mad at Ken for his sudden disappearance.

They spent the next hour grilling Josh about everything. From “How did you meet?” to “What are you studying?”. Questions that Ken had to swiftly redirect towards a different subject after noticing Josh lied entirely about their first encounter. The younger did not question anything, he simply went with it, assuming that the other didn’t want to go through the pain of explaining he was homeless to these people he had just met.

Despite that, Josh had been included in the conversation at all times. Justin and Stell were excited about Ken having made a new friend, proceeding to call him an “antisocial hermit”.

“Thank God you got this job, honestly. You’re socializing for once, meeting some real people.” teased Justin, to which Ken scoffed before getting up to make himself busy at the counter. He was praying that a customer would come in so he wouldn’t be forced to go through all of the relentless bullying his friends were providing. But all his prayers were falling flat, as there was still no one else inside the cafe apart from the 4 of them. 

After some of the laughter had died down and Ken accepted his current situation, Stell came up with an idea. “Okay, but you still have to make it up to us for going radio silent. We should hang out one of these days! You’re coming too, Josh. You don’t have a choice.” he exclaimed, slamming his fist on the table and immediately regretting doing it so aggressively. Seeing the poor guy’s pained expression from hitting his hand too hard, Josh couldn’t help but to laugh and nod along.

Justin continued with the plan, meaning to make it into reality as soon as possible. “We could go to my brother’s apartment. It’s very spacious and he’s barely at home anyways. I have a copy of the keys” he added with a mischievous smile.

Ken had to stop the ongoing listing of ideas for a second. “What do you mean he’s barely at home? What’s Pablo up to?”

“He finally got a girlfriend.” replied Stell in a sing-song tone, clearly excited about this new development in his friend’s life. Ken offered a low whistle in reply.

“I know right?” chimed Justin while texting something on his phone. “I just asked him if it’d be okay to bring friends over the weekend and he said he won’t be home.” he said while frantically shoving his phone in everyone’s faces. Ken bent down to look at the phone closer, reading Pablo’s text. “Just don’t break anything. Dude gets his first apartment and starts acting like this.” he said, scoffing in a joking manner, before finally agreeing to their plans. “Okay fine, whatever. I’m free Saturday. We can make it into a slumber party situation. Are you in, Josh?”

Josh suddenly felt put on the spot as all three boys turned their heads towards him, waiting for his reply. He wasn’t expecting to really be included in this plan. He thought Stell was just joking about him not having a choice and whatnot, but they seemed very determined to get Josh in on their weekend hangout plans. He glanced at Ken, silently asking him if this was okay. He was met with a reassuring nod and a small smile from the other. It was safe.

“Sure. I’ll join.” is what he finally said, to which Stell and Justin cheered loudly in celebration.

Eventually, the two obnoxious boys left, shouting something about holding Ken accountable and making sure once again that Josh would be there on Saturday. 

Ken sighed and dropped his face into his own palms in embarrassment before apologizing to Josh for his friends’ antics. 

“I’m really sorry about them. I hope they didn’t make you uncomfortable. They mean well, but it could be taken the wrong way if you don’t know them”, he said with an awkward grimace.

Josh shook his head in protest. “Don’t worry. They’re fun. It was cute seeing you struggle to keep up with them at times.”

Ken scoffed in response, before getting up to start his routine cleaning before the end of the shift. 

“By the way”, he continued, “are you free on Sunday as well?”, he asked while counting paper cups and sorting them in their respective places.

“I should be”, Josh nodded. “Why do you ask?” 

Trying to hide his own bashfulness, Ken continued while washing mugs, his back turned towards Josh. “Well. If you’re still up for it, I was thinking maybe we could take those pictures for my portfolio after hanging out with my friends. If you want to.” He couldn’t help but cringe at himself.

“Oh.” is all Josh could mutter, taken aback for a moment. “Yeah, sure.” He was grateful Ken couldn’t see him as his ears turned red.

“Cool.” Ken replied while internally beating himself up for not having a smarter answer.

“Cool. It’s a plan then.” continued Josh awkwardly, having a similar inner monologue.

After a beat of silence, Josh stood up, deciding it was time for him to leave the tense situation they’ve both dug themselves into. But not without saying bye. Slowly, he picked his backpack up and headed to the counter. When Ken turned around to face him, the both of them bid their goodbyes with shy smiles and something left unspoken, bigger than they could understand at the moment.

~

The weekend came by faster than Josh was hoping it would. In the few days leading up to it, he made sure to occupy more of his time with whatever odd job he was doing. “For extra money”, he kept telling himself, ignoring the pit of anxiety that started settling in his stomach at the thought of spending time with Ken and his friends in a new setting. He kept wondering what he should wear and how he should look in order for Stell and Justin to not have any suspicions about Josh’s backstory. He wanted to make a good impression. While scrubbing floors in a cheap restaurant for his day job, Josh did not want to admit to himself that he felt like an embarrassment next to Ken.

He ended up not even going to Kanako for a couple of days anymore, his excuse to himself being that he was tired. 

On Friday evening, as he was laying down on the uncomfortable beds at the shelter, Josh was surprised to notice a notification on the cracked screen of his phone.

“Everything okay?” from Ken. Something warm creeped into Josh’s chest as the realization hit him. The younger boy cared. He cared enough to notice his absence over two days and ask him about it. Lightly kicking his feet and smiling, he made sure to text Ken back that everything was, indeed, okay, and that he’d just been a bit busier than usual trying to make ends meet. Almost instantly, Ken replied with a smiley face and a reminder about their plans over the next day. Josh didn’t know what the appropriate answer was, so he went for a thumbs up emoji and a simple “OK. Meet you in front of the cafe an hour before.” He made sure to wait for Ken’s confirmation before putting his phone down and going to sleep with a small smile on his face. He kept his anxiety at bay, knowing that it was just Ken. Ken was safe, and his friends would be too.

The next day rolled by in the blink of an eye, and Josh took his time in the morning to make sure he looked as put together as he could, considering his situation. Wearing the blue jeans that Ken gave him the first time they met, and a simple t-shirt, he felt it was good enough. At least he didn’t look like he got trampled in a stampede anymore nowadays. He spent the rest of the early day sitting down on a park bench, as he would often do before he started frequenting Kanako. He would watch the people passing by on walks. He would listen in on the conversations university students around his age would be having and then wonder if maybe, he had that kind of life in an alternate universe. Maybe in a different reality, he wasn’t forced to drop out and didn’t end up homeless as a teenager. Maybe he was a flourishing student somewhere, walking on the campus with his friends, complaining about whatever course he was failing. With a bitter smile, Josh quickly moved on from that thought. That was not his reality, whether he liked it or not. 

But at least it would be Ken’s soon. Josh didn’t like to think about it too much. Ken’s inevitable departure from their country to go chase his dreams made him sad. He was happy for him, truly. But he didn’t expect to get attached to the quiet barista in such a short time. He was immensely grateful because Ken brought so much good in his life. If everything would go well, Josh would even end up with a stable job thanks to his friend. He might even be able to find a small place to live in. That used to feel impossible but, nowadays, it felt more achievable than ever. And for that, Josh was more thankful than any words could ever express. Because Ken did all of it without even thinking. He never asked for anything in return. Josh wasn’t sure he was ready to say goodbye to his friend so soon. But of course, he would never say any of that to Ken. He had to be supportive. Still, a small part of him hoped that Ken would change his mind and just stay. 

Later, the two boys met up in front of Kanako, as usual, except this time, Ken wasn’t wearing his usual work uniform. No sage green apron, no black t-shirt and mandatory nametag. Today, he was wearing a pair of baggy jeans and a white tank top. His dark hair was messy. Like he tried styling it one too many times before ultimately failing and giving up by messing it up worse than it was to begin with. Josh thought it was cute, but that thought was only for himself. With reserved smiles, they both started walking towards Pablo’s apartment, with Ken leading the way. 

The walk was filled with small chatter about what movies they’d be watching and what their favorite snacks were. It was calm. Josh had forgotten about his earlier anxiety in the blink of an eye. Ken’s presence was grounding in the best way. 

Upon arriving, they found Stell and Justin arguing about comic books and how Marvel was overrated, according to Stell, who was yelling “Captain America doesn’t stand a chance against Superman and you know it!”, as he opened the door for the two boys. 

Justin’s brother was an orderly and well-kept man, Josh could tell that just by looking at his neat apartment. He felt bad for the guy, never having even met him, as he saw Justin clumsily open a bag of chips and spill half of it on the floor. With a wave of his hands, the boy only shrugged as he muttered something about cleaning it up later. 

Stell hugged both Ken and Josh, loudly exclaiming his excitement about Josh being able to make it. The older boy didn’t know how to react to this obnoxious display of affection that he was receiving from a boy he’d only met once, but he was glad that he was accepted into their little group with no resistance. 

The afternoon quickly bled into evening as the 4 boys played video games on Pablo’s new console that he’d bought with his “grown up money”, as Justin liked to call it. Josh wondered just how old his brother was, because the younger boy kept talking about him as if he was ancient. He didn’t ask.

They’d take breaks in between where the two loud boys would start asking Josh random questions about what Ken’s been up to over the past month, knowing that the boy himself would never talk about it. They had the opportunity to interrogate the closest person to him, and they used it to the fullest. Josh mostly provided short, teasing answers about how Ken doesn’t really do a lot and Josh stuck around him at the cafe out of boredom, choosing to omit the parts that would reveal too much about his own life. It was getting harder and harder to avoid these details, however, as the topic swiftly changed from Ken to Josh. 

“Okay, but we still don’t really know much about you, Josh”, said Stell, curiously “How do we know you’re not some serial killer planning to murder our dear Ken?”. At that, Ken loudly scoffed, trying to take control of the conversation before it escalated too much, noticing Josh’s slightly uncomfortable expression. Before he was able to, however, Justin extended his hand in a silencing gesture, before continuing. “No, he has a point. We don’t even know how old you are, or what you do.” said the youngest boy with narrowed eyes.

“Okay, I think you’re scaring him, can you back off for a second?” Ken quickly cut them off.

“It’s okay. They’re right.” said Josh with a slight edge in his tone. He took a second to compose himself before deciding to come clean. If Ken’s friends were as kind as the boy himself, they wouldn’t judge. Worst case scenario, they could kick him out, but he didn’t really care about that as long as Ken still wanted to be friends with him.

“I’m 19. I don’t study anything. I dropped out of school at 13 because my mother got sick and I had to take care of her. She passed away. I’m homeless now. Ken and I met one day when I was standing next to the cafe because I had nowhere to go. I’d blown off all of my money on something stupid. He helped me. And I guess I just kept showing up. It feels good to have a friend.” 

The room fell quiet. The 3 boys were staring at Josh in bewilderment at his sudden confession. Stell was at a loss of words for once. Justin looked deep in thought. And Ken. He looked proud. He was shocked, for sure, but under that, sat a warm gaze in his eyes that told Josh enough. He wasn’t ashamed to be around him, he was pleased with his truthfulness.

A long stretch of silence settled over them, as the other two still didn’t know what to say. With an awkward laugh, Josh continued. “Can you like- say something? At least I’m not a serial killer.” 

A beat later, Stell gathered himself up with a light laugh. “I’m sorry I asked you so many questions, dude. I didn’t mean to pressure you.” he said sheepishly.

“It’s okay. I just don’t like lying. And you guys seem accepting. It’s not like I have much to lose anyway.” Josh answered, looking around the room, hoping that the atmosphere would turn back to normal.

“Hey, it’s cool. You’re Ken’s friend so you’re our friend. This guy doesn’t like many people, so if he likes you, then you must be special.” Justin chimed in, wearing a bright smile, as he picked up a controller for the console. “Wanna choose the next game?” he continued casually.

Josh let out a breath of relief at that, knowing that meant that everything was indeed fine, and they didn’t see him any different. “I don’t know any of these, but sure.” he said, laughing lightly.

After that, all Ken could do was watch Josh with a fond gaze, as he interacted with his childhood friends like they’d known each other for the longest time. He was home. They were both home.

The evening passed gently, in between the mess they had made of the living room, drinking unholy amounts of soda, and arguing for over an hour over what movie they should be watching. It was late in the night when they finally all agreed on a movie, a cheesy rom-com from the 90s that Stell promised he wouldn’t cry at the end of. He managed to keep his promise, but not because of his impressive emotional stability. He was just the first one to fall asleep, only half an hour into said movie. Mouth hanging open, letting out soft snores, he was long passed out. Justin found a new entertaining activity in trying to stack as many marshmallows on his forehead before he’d move in his sleep. He quickly got bored of doing that, as he was receiving a disappointing lack of reaction from said boy, and resigned to watching the movie. He clearly found it uninteresting though, as he ended up falling asleep next to his friend not too long after. 

The only person who was actually invested in the movie was Josh, who was sitting on the floor next to the couch beside Ken, watching intently with childlike awe in his eyes. Ken wasn’t paying attention to whatever was happening on the screen in front of them, as he was enthralled by the variety of Josh’s facial expressions. His face had subtitles, and he found that fascinating. He could tell what Josh was thinking with every new reaction he was having to the movie.

The younger one found it odd. How quickly and seamlessly this guarded stranger made his way into his life. How he got to watch him slowly let his walls down and open himself up. He didn’t know what had happened to him during his childhood until he spilled it all in front of all of them that evening. He was shocked and his heart ached for all versions of the boy; his heart ached knowing that he had to endure all of that by himself. But he was also glad. He was glad Josh trusted him enough to also trust his friends. Enough to speak the truth about himself. It made him happy. He’d never felt closer to someone than he did to the boy next to him, who was so focused on the cheesy movie he was watching that he didn’t even notice Ken staring at him for the past half an hour. 

Josh didn’t remember when he’d fallen asleep. He didn’t get to see how the movie ended, which he was bummed about but he made sure he’d ask Ken to watch it again eventually. He felt oddly comfortable as he awoke, feeling the warmth of the sun peeking through the window behind the couch lightly caressing his back.

He was the first one to wake up, and as he rose, he was surprised to find out his head had been resting on Ken’s lap in his sleep, as the other slept in what looked like the most uncomfortable position known to man. The boy was sitting up, his back resting against the bottom of the couch, his head limply hanging with his chin basically touching his own chest. Josh made sure to slowly get up in order not to wake the others. Stell and Justin were also still sleeping, looking peaceful on the couch as Justin's head was resting against Stell’s shoulder.

Watching all of them like that, Josh felt something warm stir inside his chest. For the first time, he felt like he belonged. He never wanted this feeling to end. 

Moving through the living room towards the kitchen, he noticed a balcony and decided to take advantage of this quiet moment for himself. Standing on the balcony while smoking a cigarette, Josh felt at peace. The air was warm, almost suffocatingly so, but the lightest breeze would sometimes brush against his face, and that made the heat just a bit more bearable. For once, his head wasn’t overwhelmed with all of the usual worries occupying his mind. He could enjoy this moment, simply zoning out while looking at the big buildings in the distance.

The moment didn’t last very long though, as he heard the balcony door slide open. When he turned around, he was met with a puffy-faced Ken holding two mugs. “Want some coffee with that?” was his greeting, nodding towards the cigarette Josh was gingerly holding between his fingers.
With a small smile and a muttered “Thank you”, Josh took one of the mugs. They stood there in comfortable silence, Ken sometimes glancing at Josh, looking like he wanted to bring something up but didn’t know how. If Josh noticed, he didn’t mention it. 

However, Ken was still the first one to break the silence. “My friends really like you, you know?” he said with a shy smile.

“Yeah? Even after the stunt I pulled last night?” asked Josh followed by a dry laugh that stopped as abruptly as it came out.

Ken hummed. “I think they like you even more after that. Especially Stell. When we went to get more snacks from the kitchen, he said he was really embarrassed about pressuring you like that.”

“Nah, it’s okay, really. He didn’t know. If anything, I’m glad he did that cause it pushed me to stop lying.” replied the older boy sheepishly.

“You did great.” was all Ken replied, wearing a knowing smile and that was all Josh needed in that moment. It was okay. He was okay.

Moments later, their peace was disrupted as the other two boys awoke and were rapidly approaching the balcony.

“Good morning my sunshines!” exclaimed Stell loudly, making space for himself between Ken and Josh while putting his arms around the both of them before gasping dramatically. “You smoke?!” he asked in disbelief while clicking his tongue in disapproval. Justin joined in, clutching his proverbial pearls in sarcastic shock. “He’s 19, it’s not like it’s illegal.” he calmly stated, clearly too early in the day for him to put up with the other’s antics.

At that, Josh gave him a deadpan look. “I’ve been smoking since I was 15.” he said casually. At that, Justin’s eyes widened. And then, he got an idea.

“Can I try?” asked the youngest boy, suddenly excited.

“Absolutely not!” exclaimed all the other boys in unison. “How old are you anyway?” continued Josh.

“Oh come on! I’m almost 17, and that means that I’m basically of age. Shouldn’t I be living my youth or something?” said Justin, visibly deflating in disappointment.

“Almost 17.” Josh snorted. Stell joined in with an amused giggle.

“You literally just turned 16 this month”, said Ken with a deadpan stare. “Besides, last time I checked, living your youth doesn’t include picking up smoking. Don’t be dumb.” he continued, flicking Justin’s forehead, before quickly changing the topic. “I’m hungry. Gonna make some breakfast” he said before going back inside the house. Stell quickly followed him inside, yelling something about having dibs on the good cereal.

Justin lingered back as Josh lit up his second cigarette of the day.

“You know, I’m glad you and Ken met” the younger boy started.

With a raise of his eyebrows, Josh waited for him to continue. “Like yeah, he did ghost us over the summer, but at least this time he wasn’t alone. Or sad. He looks happier.” said the boy with a bright smile.

Josh smiled in return. He didn’t ask for details, though he wanted to know what had happened to Ken to make him distance himself before. But he’d find out with time, he hoped.

And if he did let Justin have just one single puff from his cigarette, that would stay their secret. (Justin hated it.)

After breakfast had been eaten, and more time had been wasted talking about anything and everything, Ken and Josh decided it was their time to go. Upon mentioning the fact that Josh would be modeling for Ken’s last work in his portfolio, Stell lightly grimaced. “Just a heads up, Ken is an insufferable photographer. When I modeled for him, he made me stand in the most unnatural poses ever and he didn’t even use those pictures in the end!”

Justin nodded in agreement while absentmindedly scrolling through his phone. “Ditto. He made me wear the weirdest outfit.” continued the youngest.

Ken scoffed. “You guys just don’t get the vision. Don’t scare him off now.”

Josh laughed at their bickering, reassuring the others that he would be okay, and that it couldn’t be that bad.

Turns out, he was wrong. It could be that bad. It was really bad. Only a couple hours later, Josh was found in an unfortunate predicament, laying in a makeshift totally professional set-up of black sheets on the floor of Ken’s bedroom, feeling exposed. He didn’t understand Ken’s vision, for sure, as this was not what he was expecting. Wearing a pair of fitted black pants and a slightly oversized white shirt that was unbuttoned at the top, he felt scandalous. He thought that they would be taking a couple of portrait shots and that would be it. But this was going the extra mile. With an improvised light (read: Ken’s phone flashlight) balanced on a tall pile of books, and the younger boy’s own bedsheets sprawled on the floor for Josh to lay in like a cocoon, he felt like he was posing for something much more sinful than he really was.

The younger looked hyper-focused while holding the camera, unaware of his friend’s inner turmoil. He was looking back at a few of the pictures he’d just taken, muttering something about composition to himself, clearly dissatisfied. Then, glancing back at a bewildered Josh, he hummed, deep in thought. “Would you mind unbuttoning that, actually?” he then asked, pointing towards his shirt, which he thought was already too open. Ken clearly didn’t care about that, pondering some new idea that he got, completely oblivious of the implications of the entire ordeal.

Josh’s face quickly turned red, not expecting that. All of that for the sake of art. None of the other works Ken showed him were like this. But again, he didn’t get the vision. Besides, it was only weird if he made it weird. He was just posing. It was nothing like that. So, he reluctantly unbuttoned his shirt, hoping that the camera wouldn’t pick up on his furious blushing. Ken didn’t seem to notice so it was alright. Then he went back to posing, being walked through many different poses. They reached some kind of flow, eventually, Ken making an impromptu remark about Josh being a “natural” at some point, unaware of the uproar the comment stirred in the elder’s chest. But, the more pictures were taken, the more comfortable he was starting to feel, until he started coming up with poses of his own. It ended up being more fun than he initially expected, after looking past the dilemma he was facing at first.

Once Ken deemed he’d taken enough pictures, he laid on the floor next to Josh, holding his camera, showing him a few of the shots he’d taken. Josh looked back at himself, seeing a different person than whoever is usually staring back at him in the mirror.

“I look.. good.” he said quietly, in disbelief.

With a raised eyebrow and an amused smile, Ken lightly slapped him in the shoulder. “Duh. I told you. You have a pretty face.” Josh rolled his eyes and slammed a pillow in Ken’s face to cover up the fact that his own face was, once again, turning all shades of red. He quickly got up to get changed, muttering a quiet “Whatever” that Ken would laugh at, unreserved.

The rest of the evening had been spent re-watching the movie from the night before, per Josh’s request, as he really needed to know how it’d end. Ken knew how it ended. But he wouldn’t spoil the fun for the elder, so he played the movie. Sitting side by side on the younger’s tiny bed, laptop sitting in said boy’s lap, they were content. They would often make various commentary about the main character and the love triangle she was stuck in, both rooting for a different love interest and arguing about it. 

Once the movie ended, Josh was touched, if the tears in his eyes said enough. Ken laughed at him and got a pillow in the face in response. 

They fell asleep that night while musing about where they’d be 5 years from that moment. For the first time, Josh let himself be hopeful for the future and answered truthfully. “I’ll be working a full-time job and earn enough to have my own apartment” is what he said. Ken paused for a second before replying. “That’s it? Don’t you want anything more? Like- what job? Any big dreams that you’re too scared to chase?”

Josh only hummed. The childlike nature of Ken’s question made him giggle a bit. Their small age gap was still noticeable. Or maybe Ken had just been fortunate enough to not have his hopes and dreams get trampled on at an early age. The truth was Josh didn’t really have any big dreams left. He only wanted a simple and content life. He wanted to be able to earn enough money to live somewhat comfortably. He wanted to not have to worry all the time. 

Not taking his silence for an answer, though, Ken continued. “Okay, but think about it. You like writing. What if you took a course and ended up publishing a book? That’d be cool!”

“That- hm. Actually, that would be nice” Josh paused. “You never know. We’ll see in 5 years I guess.” he continued with a light laugh.

“Well, I am going to be a famous fashion photographer touring around the world to take pictures of celebrities! Mark my words” Ken exclaimed proudly, and Josh really hoped that his dreams would come to life. He wanted nothing but to see the other succeed. “And I’ll be taking you with me around the world, cause you get the best friend pass!”, the younger continued.

The elder’s heart warmed at the last part. Best friend. Ken considered him his best friend. He’d never felt more content before. 

Ken went on about all of the cool things he’d be doing in art school and all the people he’d be meeting and, as Josh listened to him like a lullaby, he only remembers falling asleep with a smile on his face.

The extra mattress Ken owned didn’t get used that night. The two boys fell asleep in the same bed, in a tangle of limbs and promises of a better future.

~

August 2017

With shaky hands and trembling breaths, Ken was sitting at his desk in front of his laptop, scared to open the very professional and very official looking e-mail he had received from his dream university. He’d submitted his application along with his digital portfolio a week prior, and he wasn’t expecting getting an answer back so quickly. 

This could go two ways, he was thinking. He could pass this first round of the application process and have to go through an online interview that would change the entire course of his life. Or he could get rejected and be forced to work as a barista for another year before deciding if he should try again. He was already imagining all the official language that the e-mail could contain that would essentially translate into: “We just don’t think you’re good enough.”

So, to say that Ken was a bit terrified would be an understatement. He saw himself work low-wage jobs that he’d hate for his whole life. But as that image sneaked into his brain, he paused. He didn’t really hate his barista job. At least not as much as he thought he would. And if that had anything to do with the boy sitting right beside him for “emotional support” , he didn’t mention it.

Indeed, Josh was next to Ken, looking just as, if not more nervous, biting his nails and waiting in suspense for the younger to open the e-mail.

“Would you just click on the thing already?!” exclaimed Josh in an exasperated outburst of energy, not being able to take the waiting any longer.

“I’m scared!” replied Ken, snapping back at his friend in matched energy.

Letting out a loud puff of air, Josh decided to take matters into his own hands, placing his pointer finger on the laptop mousepad, and slowly moving it towards the e-mail. With a hitched breath and a click, the contents of the message expanded onto the screen.

The first word being written was “Congratulations”, so before Ken could even process or read any more of the letter, Josh let out a loud excited yelp. “You did it! You got in!” he kept yelling loudly in the younger’s ear, shaking his shoulders in second hand happiness. 

Ken didn’t move. He didn’t react to Josh’s early celebration. He wouldn’t believe it until he’d read the entire letter, top to bottom. By the time he was done, the elder had already settled back down in his chair, waiting patiently for his friend to realise that this was, in fact, a moment for celebration.

Slowly, the brightest grin Josh had ever seen spread out on Ken’s face. And with that, they started yelling in pure excitement, jumping and dancing around like little kids.

Quickly, Ken tried to regain his composure. “This doesn’t mean I’m in yet though. I still have an interview left.”

“Everyone knows those are just protocols. You’re practically in!” said Josh with an eye roll before continuing. “When’s the interview?”

“Next Tuesday.” Ken replied while checking the date on his phone. It was a Thursday. “I only have 4 days to prepare…” he then said as the dread of the next challenge started settling in.

“Hey hey hey! It’s okay! You’ve got this. Come on, you work in a cafe, dude. You talk to people all the time, and you manage to stay nice even when the mean old people yell at you for no reason.” Josh quickly tried comforting his friend, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You can practice with me! I’ll pretend I’m one of those pretentious art critic people.” he added, trying to make light of the situation.

Ken chuckled at that, which brought momentarily relief to Josh, who didn’t know what to do in a situation like this.

With a deep inhale and exhale, Ken looked back at Josh and smiled. “Okay. We can do that. I’ve got this.”

With a nod and a soft smile in response, Josh decided it was still time for celebration, and urged Ken to get up before he’d get swallowed in distress. They ended up getting coffee and sitting in the park. The elder showed him his favorite activity for passing time: people-watching. As they made theories about any interesting person they’d see walking around, Ken had a passing thought. What if he was making a mistake? What if the fancy art school and photography weren’t really his dream? 

With a fading smile, he pushed all of that back, in favor of spending precious time with the boy next to him, unaware of his sudden second-guessing.

Those next 4 days passed by agonizingly slow. Or at least that was how Ken perceived them. He did end up practicing with Josh a few times, the latter’s pretentious art teacher act being surprisingly convincing. In between laughing fits at the obnoxious questions that Josh would ask and Ken taking notes of all the unnecessary points, the pressure did seem like it was lessening. 

On the day before the interview, Josh advised Ken to stop practicing or glancing at his notes, similarly to what he said before the younger’s final exams. Knowing it worked last time, he followed said advice. He slept in, baked cookies, went to work, invited Josh over, fed him said cookies, and watched a movie. 

Surprisingly enough, he felt ready the next day. As Josh left that morning, he wished his friend good luck with a short pat on the back. Before going out the door, though, Ken stopped him.

“How did you know that I’d feel more prepared if I stopped practicing the day before? You said the same thing when I had my exams, and you were right. Just- where did you get that from?” He expressed his curiosity.

“My mom taught me that. I was a very anxious child, so every time I had a test I would go into panic mode. She was very wise.” Josh replied wearing a fond smile, before adding “Besides, there’s probably studies about this. Look it up.”

“She does sound wise.” was all Ken replied, with a soft smile.

The interview went well, unsurprisingly for Josh. As he was listening to Ken ramble about every detail on the phone, he couldn’t help feeling a bit sad. His friend had done it. He’d gotten into his dream school. Josh was truly happy for him, but that meant that he’d end up alone. Again. His chest tightened at the thought of that. Mindlessly humming at Ken’s rambling, he was zoning out.

He would be okay, he knew that. But that was not the point. The point was that he’d made his first real friend who’d changed his life and gave him a glimpse of hope in his dismal looking future. And he just wasn’t ready to let go.

Ken didn’t realize that his friend had stopped listening. He was too excited at that moment. But after eventually hanging up, the excitement had dwindled down and was slowly getting replaced by something close to anxiety. Something felt wrong. But he couldn’t point his finger as to what it was. That night, Ken didn’t get much sleep. Tossing and turning, he kept having the same recurring thought. He was making a mistake. But how? Or why? He’s wanted this for a long time. He wanted to see the rest of the world. He loved art. He loved taking pictures. So then, why did it all of a sudden feel so wrong? 

~

There were 3 weeks left of August. 3 weeks of freedom and carelessness. Short lived youth. Because once the summer would be over, Ken’s adult life would be starting. 

Stell called him dramatic, which was ironic. Besides, it was easy for him. His college was 10 minutes away from his parents’ house. 

“Talk about living life on easy mode.” Ken had muttered to himself, but then he realized he had no right to judge or be envious, as he’d made the choice to go so far himself. 

So he resigned, never complaining again, not even to Josh.

 Josh, who’d been a lot quieter since Ken bought his plane ticket; Josh, who was now working as a barista at Kanako cafe, still learning the ropes; Josh, who was about to be moving into his own apartment that week. Josh, who was constantly deep in thought or zoning out lately.

Ken didn’t understand. Or he pretended he didn’t. There was something hidden, deep in the back of his soul, that he was too scared to look at. So he pretended he didn’t notice his friend’s usual energy slightly wilting the closer the end of summer was getting.

Maybe Josh was matching the seasons, Ken would sometimes think. It was only natural that his energy would slow down as autumn was nearing. But then, Ken would realize how stupid of a thought that was. They lived in a tropical climate. He was clearly watching too many cheesy American rom-coms. Josh’s fault.

Nevertheless, he never asked the elder what was going on. He wasn’t ready to open that box yet. Besides, he could at least leave the country in peace, knowing that his friend would be finally living a normal life. He would have a place to call home. He would have friends, as they’d been hanging out with Stell and Justin a lot more, and the two took a liking towards him. He would have a job with a decent pay, enough to pay the rent and afford groceries. Ken was excited to see how Josh would start leading his life once he wasn’t constantly in survival mode anymore. He really hoped he’d write a book in the future. Though he never got to read any of his friend’s work, Ken knew that he had a lot to say. He’d seen many things, he’d lived a life that probably felt like 90 years instead of 19. Ken just couldn’t wait but see Josh actually live his life, not fight for it.

And so, those 3 weeks were flying by in a blur. In between late night talks, his friends helping him move in and warm meals eaten together, Josh wished time would stop. Or at least slow down. Was this why everyone had been saying that life is short? Because, up to a couple months prior, time would be stretching for centuries on end with every passing hour. But now, it was slipping through his fingers. Josh was happy. But the fear that this happiness would soon come to an end overshadowed the good moments themselves. He couldn’t focus on anything else but the ever-growing terror that he’d end up back to square one soon enough.

It got so bad that, one evening, he finally lost it and broke down on his own kitchen floor. And in that moment he thought about how ironic everything seemed. He couldn’t remember the last time he cried like that. Was it when his mother passed? Or was it when he hadn’t eaten in over 3 days and he thought he’d end up dead on the streets? He didn’t know. But all of a sudden, he felt ungrateful. Because compared to those times, he felt like he had no right to completely crumble and cry like a baby. He had a kitchen to cry in. He had food in the fridge. He had a bedroom with a comfy bed. He never thought he’d ever have any of those privileges. Yet, there he was, living the life he’d dreamt of for years, crying. He couldn’t even understand why he was crying anymore. He wasn’t sure it was even about losing said life he had anymore. 

Stuck in this mental spiral he was in, Josh did not hear his front door open, nor the shuffling of shoes being taken off or steps coming toward the kitchen.

“Hey, I came to drop these off. Stell said they’re a housewarming gift so you can’t refuse. Ken was gonna come too but his parents had some important talk or whatever. I thought maybe we-” Justin suddenly stopped in his tracks, finding in front of him what could only be described as a human puddle of tears. A mess. Quickly putting down the fancy kitchen knives Stell bought for Josh as a gift for moving in, Justin dropped into a squat next to the trembling boy, weighing the situation. Not knowing what else he could do, the younger just sat down on the floor and hugged Josh. He hugged him for a long time, slowly patting his back. Justin did not say anything, giving the other the space and time to speak up if and when he was ready.

It took a while, but once Josh calmed down, he slowly raised his head from where it was hiding, resting on his bent knees and looked at Justin for a second with an unreadable face.

“I am so sorry you just had to see that” is what he said, eventually, getting up from the floor and opening his window. He then took out a cigarette. Justin, determined, also rose to his feet, and quickly snatched the cigarette out of Josh’s hand, replacing it with a glass of water. He looked like a mother about to scold her child.

Josh stared at Justin with a deadpan look for a few seconds. Realizing he wouldn’t get his cigarette until he drank the water, he rolled his eyes before rehydrating himself. 

“See what?” is what Justin said in reply, handing Josh his cigarette back. “All I’m seeing right now is a splotchy old man.”

Josh snorted. Lighting his cigarette, he was more or less preparing to have to give some explanation. Justin wasn’t the type to pry into others’ lives, but also finding your friend uncontrollably crying on the floor isn’t just something that can be ignored.

“You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to. But how about you let me theorize a bit? It’s your call if you care about hearing my thoughts or not.”

With a nod and a curious raised eyebrow, Josh let Justin do the talking for him.

“So, I’m guessing those weren’t tears of ultimate joy over getting your first apartment”, the youngest started. The one single shake of Josh’s head confirmed that for him. 

“Yeah. Didn’t think so.” Justin took a second to gather his thoughts up. He glanced at the swirls of smoke floating up the kitchen and at the elder’s red, tear streaked face. He sighed.

“I’m also sad about Ken leaving, you know?” is what the younger one settled on saying first. At the mention of his best friend’s name, Josh’s head shot up, staring at Justin with a bewildered gaze. “And I can’t lie to you, he’s been bad at keeping in touch before. He’s had some um- what should I call them?” He paused for a second before saying “Episodes. It’s not my story to tell, but yeah.. Still, even as he was actively ignoring me and Stell just a month ago, he still texted me happy birthday with a bunch of emojis. Yeah, he didn’t reply to any of my other texts for a while, and I was pretty pissed, but he’s always shown he cares. In his weird, stupid, non-chalant way, I guess.” he said followed by a light laugh. “I’m sure he’ll keep us updated with his new life though. Especially you. You probably don’t know it, but he clearly has a bias towards you for some reason. I’m not jealous or anything”, continued Justin with a joking eye roll.

“And he seems so much happier since he’s met you. And stable. He wouldn’t just throw that away, you know? He wouldn’t throw you away.”

Josh was stuck. Staring at Justin in bafflement, he had long forgotten about the cigarette that was actively smoking itself by then, close to burning his fingers. Justin laughed at his expression.

“You always make jokes about how young I am, but I notice things. I get it. You don’t have to call it anything, but I know. Also, you know that Stell and I are gonna be here for you, right? If you were getting the thought that we’ll suddenly disappear along with Ken, you can stop that shit right now. You’re fun. More fun than Ken if you ask me” he winked obnoxiously. “So stop your spiraling and get to cleaning your new apartment cause I promise you’ll see a lot more of Stell and I. Unannounced.” Justin stuck his tongue out as he finished speaking. He then got up from the table and started looking through the pantry, making a mental note to bring some snacks next time he would come by.

Finally putting out his wasted cigarette, Josh turned to look at Justin who was now busy scouring the fridge, getting an idea for a DIY snack. The elder didn’t say anything for a long while, just watching his surprisingly observant young friend make a food atrocity in his kitchen. Suddenly, the situation he was in felt a lot more humorous than it did just 30 minutes prior to Justin’s impromptu pep talk. He found himself laughing before he decided to try the younger’s creation.

“Thank you” is all he said. No more, no less. Justin didn’t need him to say any more anyway. He understood. And, though Josh’s heart still felt like pins and needles, he wouldn’t be alone again. He let out a slight sigh of relief as he was eating that weird food combination with Justin in his kitchen.

~

September 2017

The night before Ken’s flight to Australia, he and Josh had one last sleepover. At least the last one in a while. In their habitual fashion, they did the same things they always did. They argued about pop culture and media, they laughed at stupid celebrity drama, they played video games and then, inevitably, they ended up watching sappy movies.

Ken was antsy, though. He tried to keep it cool and he thought he was succeeding, but he just couldn’t be sitting in one place for too long. So, all of a sudden he interrupted Josh’s focused watching of the second movie they were on by slamming the laptop closed a bit too forcefully.

Josh flinched, and before he had the chance to ask the younger what had gotten into him, Ken suddenly got up and urged the other to follow him. “I have an idea” was all he said.

Curious, Josh followed him out of his room, through the hallway, all the way to the kitchen. There was a small balcony outside the kitchen. As Ken opened the door to said balcony, Josh still didn’t understand what was happening, but he wordlessly followed the younger boy. He watched him struggle for a second before revealing an extensible ladder up the wall, next to the balcony.

“I never understood the point of this ladder. It’s kinda the opposite of emergency fire stairs” said Ken, his statement only increasing Josh’s confusion, adding a sprinkle of concern to that. Ken then extended the ladder and started climbing towards the house’s roof.

“Dude, is this safe?” asked Josh, starting to question his friend’s sanity.

Ken, already ahead of him by then, looked down for a second. “I used to do this almost everyday when I was younger, don’t worry.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Josh reluctantly started climbing after Ken. Upon reaching the top, he found him sitting on a small makeshift platform on the house’s roof. It looked clumsily built in there, barely big enough to fit two people. The elder gave up on questioning any of this and just scooched next to Ken. He took out a cigarette and figured it was actually quite a nice spot. They could see a multitude of buildings, all sizes. Very few windows still had their lights on. Josh didn’t realize how late it had gotten. Ken had an early morning flight, was that really smart? Alas, the younger could make his own choices, and a part of Josh was happy that said boy chose him over his own sleep on their last day together.

“I used to come up here so often not too long ago. I forgot how nice it could actually be. I’m surprised you can even see some stars” Ken said, looking up at the stars that were visible, trying to spot a constellation or two. 

They sat in silence for a while. Comfortable silence, as always, but something unspoken beneath it. Something that would remain unspoken for a long time. 

Ken finally broke said silence, after waiting for something. “There’s something you should know.”

Josh waited for him to continue. “I used to be- sad. All the time. I don’t know why. My parents don’t know why. No doctor could tell me why. I just was like that. For some reason. I did some things I’m not proud of at all. And looking back, it all seems so childish now, but I guess there’s only so much sadness that could fit into a small child’s body. It would get unbearable, like that was my whole life, you know?” Ken hugged his knees as he finished his sentence. He seemed uncomfortable admitting all of this, so suddenly. Josh wondered why he decided to admit all of this, if it clearly made him so uneasy. He appreciated it more because of that, though.

“It got better as I grew a bit older. But I’ve still been having these occasions where-” he paused, trying to find the best way to express what he needed. “-I would just isolate. I would choose being miserable over trying. It made school hard. It made keeping friends hard. I honestly don’t even know why Stell and Justin still put up with me. I’ve ghosted them so many times. I’ve been rude to them. But somehow they still stuck with me.” 

All of a sudden, Ken looked like he lost his train of thought. Or rather like he was choosing not to say certain things popping up in his head. With a light scoff, he ended up abruptly ending his monologue.“I just thought you should know that. You’ve been so open with me. So, yeah.” He wanted to say much more. He wanted to say that he’d felt lighter than ever since meeting Josh. He wanted to thank him for appearing in his life and making it make more sense. He wanted to shake his shoulders and ask him what any of this meant. He wanted Josh to ask him to stay. He wished he would tell him that he’s making a mistake, because that was all he felt he was doing at that moment. He wanted to cry, or scream, or laugh.

None of them said or did anything though. Josh slightly leaned into him for a second before murmuring a quiet “Thank you for telling me.” 

They sat there for a long time in silence, just watching the stars, until they faded away as the sun started coming up. They both wanted to say so many things, but ended up staying quiet. It would be okay, they each kept telling themselves. They’d be okay.

And a few hours later, when they had to say their goodbyes, both of their hearts were weighed down by feelings that neither of them knew how to name. 

They kept it quick, as Josh wanted to let Ken’s parents have their own moment with their son. 

“I promise I’ll keep in contact. I’ll be annoying as hell. I’ll send you pictures of everything.” was the last thing that Ken told Josh. With small smiles and a short hug, that was it.

If Josh cried until he couldn’t when he arrived back at his own place, that would only be for him to know.

~

After October 2017

Josh was settling into a new sense of normal. With Ken gone, he found he suddenly had a lot more extra time on his hands. He tried to fill that time with writing, taking longer shifts at the cafe, learning latte art, and having dinners with Stell and Justin. 

He even got to finally meet Justin’s brother. Pablo was only a year older than him, but instantly took the “older brother” role and adopted him along with the others.

Ken was keeping his promise well at first. They would have weekly video calls where they’d catch up on what each of them was up to. Josh had gotten to see the campus Ken was spending all of his time in and he got to hear about all the new characters in his friend’s life. 

On Josh’s birthday, Ken called him and they got to celebrate it together. The younger teased him about getting old, and, for a while, everything was still okay.

They’d even made plans for the upcoming summer. Ken promised he’d visit and pester Josh at the cafe every single day of those months.

But then, the texts started getting a bit more sporadic. Every time, with a new excuse. Josh understood. Being a student probably wasn’t easy, it was only natural Ken would be busy.

Still, the feeling of being forgotten by his best friend started creeping in more often than not. And this time, he couldn’t shake it off.

Time was passing, and the stretches of silence from Ken were only getting longer and longer. He said that he managed to get a part-time job for some extra money, so now he barely had any free time. That must have been tiring, Josh would think. When talking about it to Stell and Justin, the two boys would also express their own concerns, but they reassured Josh that everything was probably okay and that he was genuinely just busy. 

“Yeah, this time it’s different. His parents would instantly fly after him to take him home if he got depressed again”, Justin would rationalize, which made sense. His parents really cared about him, they wouldn’t let that happen without intervening.

“Also, you should live your own life now, Josh. You deserve it. Ken is living his, he’s chasing his dreams. It’s your turn to figure that out now.” is what Stell told him in another instance where Josh was overly worried about his friend. 

Stell was right. And Josh was starting to truly live his life, but he couldn’t help but constantly think that something was wrong. Still, he brushed it away every time. Ken would come back home if his dream life wasn’t working out like he thought it would. That made sense and it was the only thought that brought Josh comfort when the anxiety got a bit too much.

So Josh lived his life. He decided to look into writing courses, made more time for fleshing out a real novel he’d been wanting to write, and started doing more spontaneous activities with his friends. He decorated his apartment the way he’d always wished and his fridge was never empty.

He started going to creative writing classes and meeting new people through them. His life was finally normal, the way he’d always wanted it to be. And he knew that his mother would be proud of him. He was content. But he always felt like something was missing. It just wasn’t the same since Ken left and he knew it. But he would be okay. Because he was living. 

The summer plans ended up never happening.