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    Summary

    “Sweetheart,” Ilya prodded gently. “Can you try again for me now? What is it you cannot say?”

    Shane tensed under Ilya’s hands, but not as badly as he had in the foyer. Ilya knew Shane felt more at ease without someone standing right in front of him, it was better to be side by side, or like this with Ilya behind him. Where they could touch but not feel obligated to make eye contact.

    “Oh my god,” Shane breathed out, “I don’t even know why I’m like this…”

    Ilya let Shane go at the pace he needed to, with a long but not weighted silence between them as Shane battled with himself in that place Ilya couldn’t reach.

    “What if,” Shane started. Ilya stopped the caresses, and held Shane’s hand. Shane squeezed back. “What if I tell them, and then they know. They know me, but- but they don’t see me.” Shane paused but then rushed out, “That doesn’t even make any sense. Sorry. I don’t know what I’m saying.”

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    When Shane and Ilya were on a break, something terrible happens to Shane. Months later they talk about why Shane hasn't told Yuna and David yet.

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