Chapter Text
r/hanahaki • 3 months ago
Posted by u/FormallyAnIdiot1122
I (F23) am in love with my best friends KM (F23) and CZ (F22) and they are dating each other
hi. I don't know how to start this. I just really wanted to talk about it and I don't really have any other friends I can talk to about this so. well, I figure this is the best place I can go cause there's no where else I can go.
Feel free to ignore this thread. I'm just gonna kind of ramble here like a diary. Sorry if it breaks the rules. If it does, I can just delete it. Or mods can delete it too. idk, no hard feelings.
Anyway, if you're still here after that, here's how it started. We met in college. I grew up homeschooled so I didn't really know what it was like kind of going to school with a bunch of people. I mean, I did because sometimes my guardian would take me to dance classes or to zoo or museum trips that had those kid's tours. And I did go to normal school for a bit growing up but it's not the same thing, yknow?
So when I met them for the first time through the dorm arrangements, I guess I kind of emotionally latched onto them. It wasn't like it was love or anything at first. It was more like… "I'm kind of lost and suck at socializing so you being nice to me is the world to me" or something like that. It was platonic.
It wasn't really all that great at the beginning if I'm being honest lol. KM hated me at first because she thought I was being rude and talking behind her back to my (nonexistent) friends but I was just really awkward. (Please don't be mean about KM about this.) CZ was nice but was always walking on eggshells around us because of personal reasons. (not really my place to say)
After we got over that rough patch, everything just felt right. three best friends, living through life. sleepless nights cramming for finals or finishing essays together, protecting each other from weird guys, sometimes sleeping over in each others bed whenever we're sad or scared or angry or something.
CZ gives us hugs whenever we needed it and even when we didn't, but especially when she wanted to. She gives the best hugs, actually. I love it when she squeezes me so tight that I feel like I'm gonna burst and when she puts her head on my shoulder or snuggles and it's just really nice.
Sometimes she'd tell us a fun fact about the most recent animal she was reading about that remind her of us. KM and I are kind of homebodies so she always takes us out to do stuff even when we don't want to and even though I'd rather be in bed reading, being around CZ and KM makes going out so much better and easier and fun.
And KM would make us breakfast on days she didn't have morning classes and wake us up if she knew we did. She makes us dinner too and even though she thinks we don't know, she has this little notebook where she writes our schedules and the things we like and don't like to eat and I think that's super cute.
We adopted a cat one day (because CZ brought it home) and even though she claimed she hated cats, she still helped us sneak him into the dorm and keep him a secret from the RA. I even saw her petting Derpy with him lying on her stomach when I came home early from class lol.
(She's such a liar but we love that about her.)
Now 5 years later and here we are, moved into an apartment together because the dorm only lets you stay for 2 years unless you're an international student (which is dumb) and it's just easier that way, still doing all the same things but just kind of better?
I don't remember when I started to fall in love with them in all that. I don't even know how I fell in love with both of them. I didn't even think I was until they told me they were dating each other.
I felt so stupid not seeing it, especially when they said they started dating a few months ago. How sometimes they'd cuddle closer or hold hands when walking. Sometimes I'd see them across campus and their faces are really close… Or sometimes they'd stare at each other like no one else was around.
They're like basically made for each other. Literally puzzle pieces and they just fit. I think I was blind to it because everyth ing just felt so natural you know?
Still, I was happy to hear that they love each other and were dating. I still am. I just reallg hate that I also kind of hate it. And I hate myself even more when I think like that. Is it so bad to want to be with them too?
I guess that's where my problems began. Not long after, I started coughing flower petals. At first I was confused because I didn't remember eating any flowers or seeds, but thought it was a one-off.
But then a month passed and it started happening more. My throat getting scratchy, coughing more, and breathing harder… the whole thing. Every time, there'd be something trying to get out and it was always petals. Once I started throwing them up instead, I knew it had to be something.
And lo and behold, this subreddit comes up.
All these people before me fell in love with one person and either got them to love them (yay!) or died (bless their souls).
But I fell in love with two. (You can laugh at the absurdity of it all.)
Even if one of them did like me back the same way… its a fat chance that the other would love me too. And no one could have that much love. Not romantically and not for me, at least. And as far as I understand it, if even one of them doesn't love you back, it's just over for you. And that's me. So. I figure that's my answer.
Besides, sharing your romantic partners never works out. I've seen something like it with my parents and… other mom? It didn't last.
My parents used to tease me about plants growing in my stomach if I swallowed the seeds eating fruit too fast and I always thought they were joking, but I never thought this might have been actually possible.
Anyway, thanks for reading if you got to the end. I don't know if I should post an update later though.
u/UnscriptedBanana281 • 3 months ago
OP, from the things you've written, it sounds like they love you too. I don't think it would do you worse if you tried telling them.
u/FormallyAnIdiot1122 • 3 months ago
Yeah, as friends but friends love isn't what is going to save me. It's okay, I've accepted it at this point.
u/UnscriptedBanana281 • 3 months ago
no, OP that's not what I meant…
u/honsehonsehonse • 3 months ago
fuck op that sucks
u/nowucmenowudont • 3 months ago
two?? girl (or boy, or whatever you prefer), how the hell did you fall in love with two people?
u/yeetacusmeatacus4141 • 3 months ago
yooooo… what the fuck…
u/bringmebackto2000s • 3 months ago
oh op I'm so sorry… it sounds like you really love them from the way you write about them…
u/theoreosstolemydad • 3 months ago
im in a yearning competition and this guy pulls up
u/geuribun • 3 months ago
Hi we're doing a research paper on the hanahaki disease at my university and i stumbled on your post, is it okay if I reference this as part of our study, or would you be okay with coming to our lab for check up and an interview with us?
u/soooonwujjigae • 3 months ago
dude what the fuck get out of here 💀
u/flakeituntilyoumakeit • 3 months ago
you don't have to post an update if you don't want to, but i'll be here for it and i hope they like you back, op!! definitely go for it!!!!