Chapter Text
“I mean it, I really do… like you, Okuyasu.”
Okuyasu practically felt the impact of the words as they smacked into his brain with the force of a speeding truck. He knew what they all meant, he knew what the sentence meant, but hearing Josuke say it to him while blushing and averting his gaze like a shy schoolgirl seemed to have transformed it into an alien language. It didn’t feel real.
Eventually he realised he had been standing in dumbstruck silence and spluttered out a frantic, “w-what?”
Josuke jolted as if he had been electrocuted, before blushing somehow even deeper. “C’mon, man, you know…” his eyes slowly swept up to meet Okuyasu’s and he smiled slightly before adding, “I’m crazy about you.”
‘I’ve gotta be dead,’ Okuyasu’s mind stated definitively. He felt like his body was about to shut down and collapse, but he couldn’t seem to wrestle his vision away from being locked on Josuke’s half-lidded eyes and his perfect eyelashes (what kind of dude has eyelashes like that anyway??) and his heart-shaped lips and the fact he was getting closer-
“Does it weird you out?” Josuke was all up in his space now, practically whispering as he leaned in. It was overwhelming and scary and exciting and perfect and Okuyasu was terrified he might sneeze or breathe or do something to break whatever weird magic or stand power was making it happen. Josuke huffed, brow furrowing and lips pouting, and began to step back. “Look, if you don’t say anything-“
Damn it, Okuyasu wasn’t good at thinking under pressure. So he grabbed Josuke’s upper arms and rocked forward on his heels and closed his eyes as tightly as possible in an attempt to try to hide from the fact he was giving the person he cared about most in the world an awkward, clumsy kiss.
He’d kind of hoped some amazing romantic epiphany would take over at that point, rather than just a few moments of face to face contact so fleeting he could barely feel it over the pulsating of his heartbeat in his throat. It honestly felt more like he was pressing his lips against a wall than against another human. When he opened his eyes he noticed two things; his eyes were watery, and Josuke looked confused.
“Wh… what?” the other boy boggled. Okuyasu swiped furiously at his eyes with his sleeve. ‘I must look like such an idiot.’
“I’m not good at- of course I like you, man!” he laughed, breathless and a tinge hysterical. “You’re- I mean- you’re you!” He tried not to hyperventilate with panic. Did he fuck up? Was kissing a fuck up? Oh god what if he fucked up. “I’m sorry! I mean, I didn’t know what to- I just- say something!”
Josuke blinked as if he had been surprised. At some point he’d raised a hand, fingertips touching his own lips distractedly – he folded his arms, suddenly defensive despite the cartoonishly pink tint across his cheeks.
“Well, I… y-yeah! Good!” Josuke’s shoulders relaxed as he grinned. Okuyasu felt the tension shoot out of him like air from a balloon, and he laughed, wiping away more embarrassing tears with his palm. Thank god. He hadn’t ruined it. Thank god.
Several meters away and around a corner, Toshikazu Hazamada pulled furiously on his own hair and tried not to scream.
---
“Why do you even hang out with that dickhead Josuke?” Toshikazu spat furiously. He’d intended for it to come out as cool and callous - he reprimanded himself mentally as Koichi’s head spun to face him, expression surprised.
“What?”
The two of them were walking to school together, sun shining brightly overhead. The air was warm without being stuffy and the breeze was refreshing; he felt comfortable enough to let loose. “Is it because you’re scared of his stand? I guess it’s better to be on good terms with someone who can rearrange your face, right?”
Koichi looked thoughtful for a moment before responding, “Josuke’s a good guy. Okuyasu too, and Jotaro.” He said it the same way a disinterested parent might read out a newspaper headline. Simple. Factual. Toshikazu had to will himself to stop grinding his teeth.
‘Maybe I should ask him why he hangs out with me,’ he thought, before mentally smacking himself for being so pathetic. He didn’t need Koichi’s simpleton approval. The only reason people weren’t lining up to hang out with him was because he didn’t care about popularity. He could make people like him if he wanted.
“Are you worried he’s still angry over when you met?” Koichi asked, oblivious and naive. “It’s ok. I mentioned you at lunch the other day and he didn’t even insult you.”
“I’m not scared,” Toshikazu scoffed, kicking angrily at the pavement as they walked, “I just don’t understand why you’d subject yourself to his company. Whatever.” Koichi looked like he was about to respond so Toshikazu sped up slightly, marching ahead of the other boy in what he hoped was a clear signal that the conversation was over. He also hoped that his expression didn’t betray the disgusted churning of his guts at the thought of Koichi pitying him.
The feeling didn’t disappear through the entire morning, instead it trickled slowly through his body and seeped into his bones. By the time lunch break rolled around he was about to start flipping the desks; he really needed to blow off steam.
Toshikazu had resolved not to keep Surface’s puppet in his locker after The Incident. It had taken forever to save up enough for another life size mannequin, not to mention if that dumbass swamp idiot Josuke found it he might think he was up to something and break it. Because of this he had to sprint home and back during lunch, the midday sun looming overhead and making the air thick and clammy. By the time he made it back to the school grounds he felt like a wreck.
‘It’ll be worth it to see the look on his stupid smug idiot face,’ he reminded himself gleefully, lugging the huge wooden weight behind him.
---
Toshikazu amazed himself sometimes with his own brilliance. If he hadn’t witnessed it being made of wood and metal mere moments ago, he would swear that the being before him was Josuke Higashikata.
“But what exactly am I supposed to do,” the doppelganger drawled, carefully rearranging its coiffed hair to hide the tell-tale screw in its forehead before slipping its hands into its pockets and slumping boredly. Toshikazu clenched and unclenched his fingers a few times to resist the urge to smack them.
“I don’t know, embarrassing stuff!” he snapped, flailing. “Do I have to tell you everything?”
Surface tilted its head, regarding him like an over-dressed owl. “Uh… kind of, yeah.”
“Shut up!” he scratched furiously at his own scalp, “let me think! God, even as a puppet I can’t stand you!”
He really had had an idea at the start of lunch – he’d had tons of them. There were so many things he could do to mess with Josuke without him even realising. But after using the last few minutes of lunch break stuffing the mannequin haphazardly into his locker (after checking and re-checking to make sure no other stand users were around) and then spending a whole afternoon anxiously expecting the sound of breaking metal from the hallway, he’d had plenty of time to talk himself out of most of them. It had to be something that Josuke wouldn’t know was him, something he could get away with... But also something worth the effort. Something that would really fuck with his whole insufferable popular guy image.
“Oi! Josuke!”
Toshikazu’s head whipped around so fast he was worried he’d give himself whiplash; the prospect of the real Josuke catching him mid-prank was enough to make his already clammy skin turn ice cold. It took him a second to realise that Josuke’s idiot friend had actually been calling out to Surface, and now he was jogging towards them.
Toshikazu stood awkwardly silent as the taller boy stopped and gave Surface a light punch to the shoulder, jostling them. “I thought you said you had clean up duty! Don’t trick me like that, man, that’s not funny!”
“A… ah, yeah, I’m sorry!” Surface scratched the back of their neck in a flawless mimicry of natural behaviour, grinning sheepishly. “My bad, uh…” Their eyes darted over to meet Toshikazu’s, a subtle plea for assistance. Shit. What was this guy’s name? O-something? Oku?
“Okuyasu,” he spluttered out eventually, surprising the other boy. Had he not noticed him at all? What an oblivious oaf. “Josuke was just… uh…”
“I saw this asshole sneaking around,” Surface picked up the sentence fluidly, jamming his thumb in Toshikazu’s direction, “and I wanted to make sure he wasn’t up to any more stand stuff. Koichi and I told you about him, right?”
‘Don’t make assumptions about shit!’ Toshikazu shrieked internally, panic making the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Surface’s cocky grin wavered slightly.
“Oh… yeah, I know.” Okuyasu nodded, looking Toshikazu up and down before nudging Surface with his elbow. “Is everything ok? I was gonna go see bro on the way home, if you’re done.”
‘Jesus, are these two joined at the hip or something?’ Toshikazu fumed silently. That was one of the worst things about Josuke – no matter where he went he seemed to have some pathetic fool clamouring for his attention, whether it was girls or simpletons like Koichi and Okuyasu. It made Toshikazu’s skin crawl. Stupid Josuke and his stupid fan club-
Inspiration hit him with such powerful force it was a miracle he didn’t gasp out loud. He and Surface’s eyes met, a subconscious handshake of understanding.
“Yeah, I’m done. Let’s go,” Surface said casually, and with a parting nod to Toshikazu the other two sauntered away. He watched them go for a short distance, Okuyasu animatedly telling some sort of story and Surface laughing good-naturedly along.
This was the best plan ever.
---
This was the worst fucking plan ever.
Tailing the other two boys hadn’t been too hard, they walked pretty slowly and Okuyasu would occasionally stop Surface to point out something completely inane and idiotic. The first time he’d done it Toshikazu had almost jumped out of his own skin, assuming that he’d seen the real Josuke and the jig was up; when he realised they’d been looking at an ugly dog he’d barely restrained himself from vaulting the hedgerow and throttling the moron.
By the third time it happened he was sort of glad for it, since it gave him a chance to catch his breath.
He almost lost track of them when they stopped by the cemetery – he hadn’t expected Okuyasu’s “seeing his bro” to mean visiting a grave. Part of him wondered if Surface would just turn back into a mannequin if it got out of range, like some kind of messed up Cinderella.
That was what had given him the idea for a change of plan. Originally he’d intended to just have Surface say something insulting, but the longer they walked the more he realised he didn’t know nearly enough about this Okuyasu guy to be able to say something that’d do the damage he wanted to. He wanted to devastate Josuke’s whole perfect popular guy scene – he needed to do something that would hurt. Something irreparable.
‘I’m overthinking this,’ he’d scolded himself as he gnawed anxiously on a fingernail, ‘there’s lots of stuff that would mess up anyone if you said it to them. It’s not like Josuke and this guy have some special magic bond like in a manga, I just need to think of something that’d ruin any friendship.’
So something that’d ruin any friendship, but also something that’d do a lot of damage. ‘This’d be easier if I actually had experience maintaining friendships,’ his traitorous mind observed before he could stop it. His skin crawled at how pathetic that thought was, temper rising defensively. He could be popular if he wanted. He didn’t want boring clowns dragging him to cemeteries and pointing out dogs.
All the thoughts of special bonds and Cinderellas had provided the inspiration he desired though, and he’d felt like a genius when he’d thought of it. The one thing absolutely guaranteed to ruin a friendship was making a move on someone who wasn’t interested. He’d be grossed out if another guy hit on him, so surely this Okuyasu guy would too. And think of the damage it’d do to Josuke’s rep if he suddenly turned into a lecherous creep! By the time people were saying it it’d be too late to defend himself. It was perfect.
But of course it’d turn out that Okuyasu liked Josuke. It was like god just wouldn’t allow an easy victory over stupid, stupid Josuke. Existence itself was skewed in his favour. Toshikazu dug his nails into his scalp, hissing through his teeth to keep himself from screaming in frustration. Now what was he supposed to do?
A few feet away, Surface’s cool demeanour was also suffering from the unexpected spanner in the works of what had seemed like such a fool proof plot. It laughed awkwardly, floundering for what to do or say. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ Toshikazu’s mind wailed miserably, ‘I’m too much of a coward for this! I’ve never made a move on any of the girls at school! Even when I make Surface turn into them it rejects me! What do I do?!’
“I’m uh… I’m sorry I’m not so good at- y’know, kissing,” Surface bumbled helplessly, “I honestly expected you to reject me-“
‘Would stupid smug Josuke be that self-depreciating?’ Toshikazu wondered desperately if his own mental state would affect how well Surface could mimic someone else’s behaviour. He hoped not, otherwise Surface was about to piss itself and faint.
If it was out of character, Okuyasu didn’t seem to notice. “No way!” he responded forcefully, expression determined, “I mean- you’re you and I never thought you’d- you’re out of my league, y’know!”
Toshikazu closed his eyes and forced himself to take slow, concentrated breaths. In, out. In, out. He could do this. He could do this.
“Ha ha, well,” Surface stepped over to Okuyasu’s side and slung one arm over his shoulder, watching as the contact caused the other boy curled in on himself a little and blushed deeper. “I guess I am! But you know what, I figure I can give you a chance. Just don’t disappoint me, huh?”
‘There’s no way he’ll put up with Josuke being this much of a dick,’ Toshikazu thought gleefully as he peeked around the wall he was hidden behind, watching the other two figures from behind. ‘And if he throws a punch, I’ll have Surface cry and run away. That’ll be funny to watch!’
Okuyasu looked shyly at his feet, crossing one arm over his chest to rub at his other elbow. “I’m glad... Thanks.”
‘Why is he such a pushover?!’ Toshikazu couldn’t resist punching the wall out of frustration. The other two’s heads shot up as he bit his lip, tears welling up in the effort it took not to shout.
“Did you hear-“
“A date!” Surface yelled suddenly, pretending to ignore it. “Let’s go on a date. Then I can see if you’re really worth my time, you know? Unless you’d rather forget this whole thing…” Surface narrowed its eyes as it regarded Okuyasu like a hawk watching a rabbit. A brief look of fear had flashed over the oblivious boy’s scarred face, but it was replaced almost instantly by one of determination. He swallowed and nodded.
“Yeah, ok.”
Toshikazu let himself crumple to the ground as the two started to walk again, sniffling over his bruised hand. He was going to make this work somehow, god damn it.