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Shane Hollander hadn’t expected much of his teammates when the news inevitably hit the locker room. Hockey players could be such terrible gossips, and Ilya Rozanov being bisexual was bound to be the juiciest piece of gossip they had ever gotten their gloved up hands on.
Ilya had made the choice to come out to his new team in Ottawa, with Shane’s full support. He was happy Ilya felt comfortable enough to share that part of himself with the team, who from the sound of it were extremely supportive to Shane’s relief and gratitude. It still stung at them that they couldn’t safely share their relationship, but having more outside support was vital for Ilya now that he couldn’t return to Russia. Somehow, despite the care taken, the word around the NHL locker rooms was that Russia’s own Ilya Rozanov was queer. Thankfully it didn’t seem to be spreading out into the wider public consciousness, and Shane hoped it stayed that way.
Maybe Shane should have felt more uneasy with the atmosphere in the Montreal locker room, he was team captain after all, and part of that was an expectation to set a good example and exert some level of control over the environment. But Shane had never really known how to ride that line between discouraging the more hateful and bigoted comments and accidentally saying too much and giving his own identity away. It was hard enough already being one of the odd ones out as the only Asian member of the team, and one of the vanishingly few non-white players in the NHL. And now his other secret directly linked him to Ilya, still a hated rival by the other guys on the team even after the move of teams.
Things had not gone well. That was the understatement of the century. Shane had felt like his body was in fight or flight the entire time at practice, but especially in the locker room before and after. It was all anybody wanted to talk about, despite his best efforts to steer the conversation back to hockey. The others seemed to chalk this up to just Hollander being Hollander, hockey robot, incapable of caring about anything else. While that sometimes could sting him, in this case it was better than an alternative of them accusing him of things that were both heartbreakingly true and hurtful in how they would inevitably be phrased and said.
He had expected bullshit from most of the guys, it wouldn’t be the first time something disgustingly homophobic had come out of Comeau’s mouth after all. No, what had hurt Shane in a way he didn’t expect was the reactions from J.J. and Hayden. He wasn’t sitting around waiting for them to suddenly become paragons of virtue or anti homophobic crusaders or anything. But he had foolishly thought they would understand what lines not to cross, and at least not engage with the others. Something this personal about Ilya, and something clearly not meant to be widely shared and known, should have been understood as off limits.
But they had engaged with the others. Sure, they hadn’t thrown any homophobic or biphobic jabs themselves, but they had laughed along. They hadn’t shut anyone else down, which Hayden at least had been known to do on a couple other occasions when homophobic things were said. They had eagerly participated in the general anti-Rozanov sentiment in the room with other cutting comments about him. It broke Shane’s heart a bit. And it made him angry, something Hayden seemed to pick up on over the next couple of weeks. Something Hayden now seemed eager to fix.
Hayden had been trying to both figure out why Shane was upset and also make amends for days now and Shane had finally agreed to have him over to his house after practice. Shane didn’t enjoy the feeling of sitting in his anger like this, especially not against one of his very few friends. He had also decided to be open with Hayden, to a degree. He was planning to come out to him. Shane was just so tired. Tired of sitting in this anger, tired of lying to everyone all the time, and decided to bite the bullet whatever may come. He still believed Hayden was a good person and a good friend, and this would be the ultimate test of that.
The drive back to Shane’s house had been mostly silent, the radio softly playing in an attempt to stop himself from getting too far into his own head and backing out of what he had planned. Hayden seemed to sense that it was best for him to not talk either, but Shane could see him shooting concerned glances over from the passenger seat every so often. Once the two were inside though, Hayden started to speak.
“Shane, buddy, what’s going on? You’ve hardly spoken to me, or any of the guys on the team for weeks now? I mean, I know you’re not the most social guy in the world, but that’s odd even for you! You know you can talk to me man, right?”
Shane let out a breath and a short laugh followed, surprising himself. “I actually don’t know Hayd.”
Hayden’s face fell at that. “What do you mean?”
Shane ran a hand over his face and sighed. He motioned towards his couch, “Maybe we could sit down?”
“Of course,” Hayden replied, moving quickly to sit. Shane followed a bit more slowly. After sitting, Hayden turned to face him, but Shane stayed staring at the opposite wall.
“I’m…,” Shane started, and then trailed off. He closed his eyes, gathering his strength. “Hayden, I’m gay.” He exhaled, opened his eyes and turned just slightly to take in the other man’s reaction. Hayden looked genuinely surprised, though not upset.
“Oh,” Hayden started, nodding dumbly. “Oh, that’s… Oh.”
“Thanks for those lovely words of encouragement, really making me feel better here,” Shane snarked, fear starting to climb inside him.
“No!” Hayden yelped, all of a sudden snapping back into himself and the present. “No, that’s not what I meant man, fuck, I didn’t… I was just surprised and not expecting that! Shane, buddy, this doesn’t change anything for me, I promise.” Hayden was holding his hands out in front of him, clearly wanting to touch Shane, but waiting for permission since he knew Shane wasn’t a very touchy feely guy.
“Really?” Shane asked, not entirely convinced. Hayden’s face fell at the question.
“Really,” he emphasized. “And I am so so sorry if I made you feel unsafe, or like I wouldn’t be supportive…” He seemed lost in thought again for a second, then sucked in a breath, eyes meeting Shane’s. “The conversation in the locker room, about Rozanov… You’ve been weird ever since then, it’s because I went along with it, the shit the guys were saying… Shane, I know it’s no excuse, but I would have never, if, if I had known… Fuck man, I’m so fucking sorry. That was extremely uncool of me, even if I don’t like the guy that doesn’t make that shit okay… Fuck.”
“No, it really wasn’t,” Shane said quietly, eyes focused on his hands folded in front of him in his lap. A very alarm was screaming inside Hayden’s head that he needed to fix this, and fast.
“Look, man,” Hayden cleared his throat. “I know it’ll probably take a while for you to trust me, and I get it, I totally get it! But whatever I can do to like, support you, or, or help, or whatever, please let me know?” The last part came out more pleading than Hayden had intended, but whatever. At this point Hayden didn’t care how pathetic he might sound, he needed to make things right again with his best friend. He would never forgive himself if this completely fucked up his and Shane’s friendship forever.
Shane finally looked up again at Hayden. His expression was still guarded, but he didn’t seem like he was going to yell at him or kick him out of his home immediately. “Okay,” was all he said.
“Okay?” Hayden asked.
Shane blew out a breath, eyes already looking a million miles away from the conversation they were having. “Okay, I’ll let you know, and in the meantime we can get back to focusing on hockey? I’m not ready for the other guys to know yet, so if we could be cool and not, you know, fucking weird about this that would be great.”
“Yeah! Yeah, of course,” Hayden nodded, eagerly taking the out offered to him. “Okay.”
Over the next few weeks, part of which was spent on the road for games, Hayden got some more information from Shane that put a lot of their years of friendship and playing together into a new perspective. Things started to make a lot more sense, such as why Shane didn’t go out much with the other guys.
The biggest revelation had been Boston Lily. It turned out that it had been a guy Shane had been hooking up with for a long time, and that’s why he always got so skittish about the topic. But Shane had also shared that they weren’t together anymore, and hadn’t been for a while. This also answered Hayden’s curiosity about that situation, since of course he had noticed when Shane had suddenly stopped sneaking out when in Boston for games.
Finally getting information about the elusive Boston Lily, however, couldn’t make up for Hayden then getting some of what he considered to be the worst news of his life. Worst, when it came to Shane at least. That being, that Shane apparently liked Rozanov. Like, he had confessed to being attracted to him. Hayden had just stared at him in shock. Shane had eventually left the hotel room after a period of continued silence following that revelation, muttering something about giving Hayden time to process. Though Hayden didn’t think any time would be enough to process something like that.
Things got considerably worse for him though not long after they got back to Montreal, and he got a text from Shane on a day off.
Shane: Hey man, how’s it going?
Hayden: Good! Glad to spend some time with Jackie and the kids
Shane: Good good
Shane: That’s good
Hayden: What’s up?
Shane: This is kind of embarrassing, so please don’t make fun
Hayden: 
Shane: Okay
Shane: So I’ve been thinking about how we can get back to full trust right?
Hayden: Yeah! Of course, whatever you need man
Hayden: I am here for you my friend
Shane: I need you to help introduce me to Rozanov
Hayden: What
Hayden: No no no no no no
Hayden: What the fuck?
Shane: Yes, this is how you can make it up to me and show me you’re cool and all that
Hayden: But you already know him! Why do I have to be involved?
Shane: Only on the ice! Not in like a romantic sense!
Shane: Come on Hayd! You’ve always been so eager to try and wingman for me in the past, you can’t let me down now
Hayden: The past attempts didn’t involve Rozanov
Hayden: What are you 13 and need your friends help to talk to your crush in the school hallway?
Shane: Hayden! Please! I’m asking, as your best friend, for help
Shane: 
Hayden: Fine! Fine, I will find a way to get his number and reintroduce you two I guess
Shane: Thank you!
Shane: But, be cool about it when you tell him why I want to talk to him
Hayden: Oh, so I have to explain that too???
Shane: Yes
Shane: Thank you, best friend!
Hayden: Seriously debating the merits of getting a concussion right now
Shane: Don’t even joke, I want another cup and I want it this year
Shane: I’m watching you
Hayden: Aye aye captain
Hayden was able to use the interconnected network of players and WAGs to get Ilya Rozanov’s phone number, somewhat against his better judgment. He did briefly consider pretending like he hadn’t been able to get the number, and trying to get Shane to drop it and find someone else to be interested in. But, ultimately, he thought that would go against the whole building trust back thing, so he sucked it up and got the number. He even managed to hype himself up enough to text fairly soon after getting it.
Hayden: Hey. So I can’t believe I’m doing this but I’m trying to be a good friend so could you please not be an asshole for like five minutes and just hear me out?
Ilya: Who the fuck is this?
Ilya: And I am always asshole
Hayden: This is Hayden. Pike.
Ilya: How did you get this number?
Hayden: Does that matter?
Ilya: Yes
Ilya: I need to know who to kill before I go and change number
Hayden: I can’t believe I’m even doing this
Ilya: Yes, what is it that you are even trying to do right now?
Ilya: Get hockey tips?
Ilya: I understand the desire, but I think is conflict of interest for me to give them to you
Hayden: Shut the fuck up man
Ilya: Okay
Ilya: Blocking number now goodbyeeeeeee
Hayden: No! Wait! Fuck
Hayden: I don’t really remember who all talked to who, but I think Garner, who used to play for the Raiders is where it came from originally?
Ilya: Of fucking course it was Garner
Ilya: I will have talk with him next time we play
Hayden: Why does that sound so ominous?
Ilya: Because it is
Ilya: Are you going to finally get to point or can I go back to my night?
Hayden: Of doing what? Being a dick? Sticking your dick in some rando?
Ilya: Wouldn’t you like to know
Hayden: Whatever
Hayden: Fuck
Hayden: You have to like, promise that what I’m about to say stays in this chat
Ilya: 
Hayden: I’m serious, this is personal and it involves… someone else
Hayden: So if you could please just be an okay guy at least about this
Ilya: Yes yes, I promise I will not share information about other person
Hayden: Good okay
Hayden: I have a friend, who is interested in you
Ilya: Interested?
Hayden: Romantically, unfortunately
Ilya: A friend? 
Hayden: Yeah, a friend dickwad, a guy friend who is shy and for some stupid fucking reason got me involved and now here we are
Ilya: Ah, I see now
Ilya: So, who is this friend? Are they hot? I only date hot people Pike
Hayden: This is where that part about keeping this quiet comes in, he’s not out
Ilya: I would never out someone Pike, that is shitty thing to do and I can promise you I would not do that
Hayden: I’m taking a deep breath, acknowledging that this is my last chance to turn around and not go through with this…
Ilya: So dramatic
Hayden: It’s Shane
Hayden: Hollander
Hayden: Who’s interested
Hayden: Fuck
Ilya: Huh
Ilya: Now that is…
Ilya: Interesting
Hayden: Yeah, hahahahah
Hayden: So fucking interesting and not at all vomit inducing
Hayden: Can I set up a group chat to introduce you two (which he wants) or not?
Ilya: Hmmmm
Ilya: Must admit
Ilya: Is hot to imagine, me and Hollander
Ilya: He’s definitely hot enough
Ilya: Would probably be insane
Hayden: Please stop I don’t want or need these things in my head
Ilya: You are one who brought it up Pike
Hayden: And I regret it more and more every second of this conversation
Hayden: Are you interested or not?
Ilya: Very rude
Ilya: I am gentleman I require proper wooing
Ilya: We will see
Hayden: Seriously? You’re not gonna give me an answer?
Ilya: Goodnight for now, Hayden Pike
Hayden: 
Unfortunately for Hayden, the next Metros game was against Ottawa, which meant he had to see Rozanov much sooner than he would have hoped. Though given that he hoped to never see Rozanov again, that likely always would have been a problem.
By the time of the game he still hadn’t heard anything back from the other man, so he decided to bite the bullet and confront him in person. After all, Shane had been asking him about it. And making not so subtle puppy dog eyes over at Rozanov across the ice during warm ups. He took his chance when Rozanov was positioned near the center of the ice and away from his other teammates. This way he could talk to him with relative privacy.
Hayden reluctantly skated up to hover in front of Rozanov, but still within the Montreal ice. The other man looked up at him from his stretches and smirked. “Careful. Team sees you talking to me they might get the wrong idea,” Rozanov drawled. The things Hayden did for friendship.
“Rozanov I am trying to be a good friend here,” he spat back. At that Rozanov’s eyes drifted over the ice until they caught on where Shane was doing his own stretches. And Hayden really didn’t like the look on his face as he watched for a moment. He should probably be grateful, since that look definitely indicated some interest on the Russian’s part, but he couldn’t find it in himself as he watched their longtime competitor leer at his best friend.
Before he could do something that would get him thrown out of the game before it had even started, such as break his stick over Rozanov’s head, he forced himself to talk again. “Have you thought about it more or not asshole?”
Rozanov’s eyes shot back up to look at Hayden again. “Yes, okay,” he said and grinned.
“Like, yes as in I can introduce you?” Hayden asked, still hoping for some miracle that would make this go away.
“Yes, Pike,” Rozanov huffed. “Now go away so I can finish stretching and you can prepare to once again be useless during the game.”
“Fuck you Rozanov,” Hayden snarled as he turned and skated back over to where the other Metros were getting ready themselves. Shane looked over at him as he threw himself down on the ice next to him to do his own stretches. “Is it too late for you to get back together with Boston Lily or whatever the fuck his name actually is?” Hayden asked under his breath so only Shane would hear. Shane just laughed.
After the game, once Hayden was safely back at his own home, he got it over with. The sooner he made this stupid fucking introduction, the sooner he hopefully never had to hear about it again beyond Shane telling him that he had been wrong, and Rozanov was still a colossal asshole and not at all attractive.
Hayden has added Shane Hollander and Ilya Rozanov to the chat
Hayden: Never let it be said again that I’m not a good friend
Hayden: Here you go
Ilya: Hollander
Shane: Rozanov
Ilya: So
Shane: Yeah
Hayden: Oh my fucking god
Hayden: Can you please both stop involving me in this and just like, go talk in a separate chat
Shane: Fine yeah, I’ll do that
Ilya: Great talking to you as always Pike
Hayden: Fuck off
Mercifully, they actually did stop talking in the group chat after that. The next day came without any word from either of them.
Hayden couldn’t believe he was doing this, but he also couldn’t seem to help himself. He was in Shane’s neighborhood to run a couple of errands for Jackie, and decided to stop by and check in about how last night went. With any luck, Shane would tell him that he had been right, and Rozanov was as terrible as they all knew him to be and that Shane didn’t know what he had been thinking.
Hayden shot Shane a quick text, just to confirm if it was okay for him to stop by. He knew his friend did not do well with unannounced visitors. After getting the go ahead, Hayden headed that way after finishing his errands and letting Jackie know that he would be a bit late getting home.
Shane greeted him at the door with an odd sort of expression on his face. Hayden had never seen it before, and didn’t know what to make of it. It was nervous, but also almost excited in a way.
“Hey man, come on in,” Shane greeted him, stepping aside to let Hayden in and giving him space to take off his shoes.
Hayden wasted no time in getting to what he was dying to know. “So, you gotta tell me, how did texting with Rozanov go? Like, he was always such a dick to me when I was texting with him, you’re welcome by the way, and you being his longtime rival I can’t imagine it went much better even without the, you know, circumstances,” he rambled.
Shane scratched at the back of his head, a small smile on his face. “It went well actually, really well.”
Hayden froze, horrified. “Oh god, am I gonna have to be around him now? Be nice and shit? Fuck, I don’t know if I can dude!”
Shane rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. It almost sounded to Hayden like he muttered something under his breath. Something that sounded like “No time like the present to start practicing.” Which was so strange that Hayden was sure that wasn’t what he said.
Seeming to realize that they were still awkwardly hovering in the entry way of the house, Shane gestured for Hayden to walk further inside, into the kitchen. “Let’s go sit down,” Shane mumbled, looking decidedly uncomfortable. Hayden rounded the corner for the kitchen and plopped himself down into one of the stools at the counter. Shane followed after him. “Want anything to drink?” he asked, opening the fridge.
“I mean, I’d love a Coke, but I know you don’t have that!” Hayden attempted a joke, still feeling the tense atmosphere of the room and wanting to dispel it. He was shocked when Shane didn’t respond to that, and instead turned around with a can of the offending, to Shane, beverage in his hand. He silently set it down in front of Hayden, with an almost challenging look in his eyes. This situation just got more and more confusing.
“What the…” Hayden trailed off. He jumped in his seat at the sudden sound of footsteps upstairs. “Do you have someone here?” he asked Shane, dumbfounded.
Shane cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he said, not offering anything else.
“Who…?” Hayden turned when he heard the footsteps start down the stairs, directly opposite the kitchen. He was then confronted with a scene straight out of his nightmares about this whole situation. Ilya fucking Rozanov was walking down the stairs. Rozanov was here. In Shane’s house. Despite the fact that the Ottawa team had been set to leave for home this morning.
“Hello Pike,” Rozanov greeted him. Hayden may have let out a small scream. He was still hoping this was just a very bad, very realistic nightmare. But he didn’t wake up, and now both Shane and Rozanov were just staring at him. Like he was the weird thing in this situation.
“So,” Shane said, pulling Hayden’s attention away from Rozanov. “I have something else I need to tell you.”
“I know you said talking to him went well last night, but this is ridiculous Shane!” Hayden burst out, cutting the other man off. Rozanov snorted out a laugh behind Hayden, leading him to whip back around again. “No! I’d expect this of you, but not him!”
Rozanov’s face immediately darkened. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he demanded, moving across the room to stand next to Shane.
Hayden opened his mouth to give a snarky reply, but this time Shane cut in before he could say anything. “Yeah, Hayden, what exactly does that mean? I’d recommend choosing your next words carefully.”
“I.. I just, it’s…” Hayden spluttered, confronted with the unsmiling faces of both of them. He sighed and dropped his head. “I just mean, you have a reputation, and I know for a fact Shane has never been a casual hookup guy. That’s all! Fuck!”
“I beg to differ,” Rozanov snarked, reaching out and pulling Shane closer to him by the waist. He made sure Hayden was watching in horrified fascination before dropping a kiss on the side of Shane’s head. Hayden wished there was a tall roof handy right now that he could throw himself off of.
“Shane,” Hayden pleaded, meeting the eyes of his best friend.
“Hayd,” Shane sighed. Hayden noticed that he did not move away from where he was still nestled against Rozanov. “I need to tell you the truth. If it helps at all I did not spontaneously hookup with Ilya after just getting his number last night.”
Hayden got his hopes up despite himself. Despite the very familiar way the two men were still standing in each other’s space and how Shane had just used Rozanov’s first name. “You didn’t?”
“No,” Shane confirmed.
“We did have sex last night though,” Rozanov offered.
“Ilya,” Shane huffed. Nothing made sense to Hayden anymore.
“Sorry lyubimyy, but in my defense it was funny,” Rozanov said. He finally moved away from Shane to get something out of the fridge. He turned around with a Coke in his hand.
“Oh,” Hayden murmured, some things finally slotting together in his head. He looked at Shane. “You already had his number, didn’t you?”
“Yeah,” Shane nodded. “Ilya and I.. we’ve been a, a thing, for a long time.”
“How long?” Hayden dared to ask. His mind was still spinning out of control, but he needed answers.
“Rookie season,” Shane responded.
“Summer before,” Rozanov countered. This exchange was said so fondly that Hayden was sure it had happened before, and was a treasured inside joke. And didn’t that just confuse and nauseate him more than he’d like? That Shane and Rozanov, Ilya, and inside jokes with each other.
“So it’s… serious?” Hayden quietly asked.
“Yeah,” Shane replied. “It’s serious. Like, rest of our lives serious.”
Hayden closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. “Okay,” he finally said. “Okay. Yeah, okay.” He opened his eyes to find Shane and Rozanov watching him intently.
“Okay?” Rozanov questioned.
“Yeah,” Hayden said, simply. “I can’t say I understand the appeal, or that I now magically like you as a person, but if Shane says you guys are together and it’s serious and he plans to spend his fucking life with you… Then okay. I respect that. And I’d like to keep Shane in my life, even if he does now come with an annoying Russian sidekick so. Okay. Don’t really know what else to say.”
Shane kind of looked like he wanted to burst into tears, and Rozanov had a thoughtful look on his face, like Hayden had surprised him. “Thank you, Hayd, genuinely,” Shane said. “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner, but I’ve been so afraid of how people would react to everything about this situation.”
“That makes sense,” Hayden replied.
“Yes, thank you Pike for actually being not awful,” Rozanov added, earning a glare from Shane and a raised eyebrow from Hayden. “What?”
“Ugh, anyway,” Shane waved him off, turning back to Hayden. Rozanov muttered something under his breath that Hayden didn’t catch, but Shane just ignored him. “Are you gonna be able to watch the Admirals game tonight?”
“Wait,” Hayden held up a hand to stop Shane. "Before we get back to our regularly scheduled friendship programming, I have to know. What the ever loving fuck was up with that whole ‘set me up with Rozanov’ thing?”
“Oh. That,” Shane chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and not meeting Hayden’s eyes.
“Yeah. That,” Hayden smiled blandly.
“I mean… it was partially to see how you would react to the idea of me and Ilya as a couple,” Shane rambled. Hayden just nodded sagely, starting to enjoy himself now that the tables were turning. “Partially to see if you would actually do it, like, for the sake of our friendship,” Shane continued.
“And for revenge,” Rozanov cut in.
“Ilya!” Shane yelped.
“What? It is true, you were laughing like manic when you came up with idea and told me!” Rozanov argued.
“Is that so?” Hayden smirked at Shane
“No!” Shane protested. “No, you two are NOT allowed to gang up on me!” He whipped his head back and forth between Hayden and Rozanov.
“Then leave me out of your weird relationship shit!” Hayden crowed. Rozanov laughed. Shane stalked out of the room and up the stairs, muttering darkly about best friends and boyfriends.
After getting their laughter under control, Hayden and Rozanov looked at each other somewhat awkwardly, realizing they were alone with each other now. “Right,” Hayden started. “I should probably get back. Family responsibilities and all.”
“Yes, yes,” Rozanov said. “Must take care of your twenty children.”
“It’s four,” Hayden replied.
“I know,” Rozanov fidgeted. Right, Hayden really needed to leave this house now. He quickly got up, and went into the entry way to put on his shoes.
“Well, uh, see you around I guess?” Hayden called out.
“Goodbye Pike! Please do not text! I’m still considering changing my number,” Rozanov called back.
“Not planning on it Rozanov!” Hayden snarked, before finally leaving the house. Only after getting back in his car did he have another realization and the final piece of the puzzle slotted into place. “Fuck! Boston Lily!” he exclaimed to the empty car. He hit his head against the head rest in exasperation and grumbled. “Those motherfuckers! So much for being broken up…”