Chapter Text
Somehow, even scum such as Fukuhara Tamon could fall in love.
Disgusting, right? Sorry for polluting your brain with the idea.
Even though anyone would be unfortunate to catch the attention of someone so lowly, the person who caught his gaze was none other than...
"Ah, Fukuhara-senpai!"
The moment their eyes met, Kinoshita Utage's face broke into a smile so bright, Tamon thought she was an angel. Seriously, the divine radiance was just radiating off of her. And the way she rushed towards him, with a bounce in her step and a bit of a giggle? Adorable. Seriously, it was a miracle he was able to be born in the same era as her, a jackpot he could go to the same school as her, and a lifetime's worth of luck that she actually tolerated his presence.
His heart stuttering the close Utage got to him, Tamon whispered a soft, "K-Kinoshita-san..." like a prayer.
"Senpai, I keep telling you, you're older than me, so you don't need to be polite," Utage said.
"S-sorry, I was just struck by the disparity in our statuses and felt the urge to venerate you in some way...!"
That was when Utage shook her head. With a gentle smile that one could only find in depictions of goddesses, she spoke.
"Don't be silly! We're equals in our love and adoration for Tamon-kun, whose existence elevates our lives every second of every day he's breathing!"
"G-gargh!"
Utage's words struck Tamon in the heart. Not with adoration and love like usual, but with guilt.
"Fukuhara-senpai, are you okay?" Utage asked, so sweetly that Tamon felt even worse.
He was deceiving her, and to make things worse, he was a coward. He hated lying, but hated the thought of shattering her beliefs even more. Honestly, he was the worst.
Fidgeting with his uniform tie, Tamon said, "I'm sorry...! I just thought, it's terrible of me to dare to be 'Fukuhara Tamon' and disgrace your fave's name like that...!"
"Don't worry! The fact that you were born with the same name as Tamon-kun is the ultimate fortune! Just having an ounce of his aura within you is enough to grant you supreme blessings, so to share his entire name is enough to grant you clear skin forever, rejuvenate your body from the molecular level, and extend your lifespan five times over!"
And there it was. Utage's idol spiels, passionate and nonsensical in equal measure.
Even though it didn't make any sense to Tamon at all, even though he had no right to enjoy it... it still made him happy. Even trash like him could win Utage's love if he tried hard enough. He might have been useless in almost all respects, but he could make the girl he adored smile...! If he could, he'd kill off his worthless main self and just be her beloved fave 24/7...!
But then, that thought led him to imagine what would happen if he went into idol mode, right here and now. Cast off the dark wig and ditch the school uniform, appearing before her as her favourite sexy and wild idol. And that scenario went a bit like--
'Tamon-kun, Tamon-kun, how are you so amazing, from head to toe? Your every atom is oozing with pheromones! Even your name is the perfect amount of sexy, from every brushstroke!'
'Oh?' (And here, he would grab her hand and pull her into his arms, leaning so close to her that her breath brushed his lips,) 'If you love my name so much, why don't we share it? I like the sound of Fukuhara Utage.'
'Ah, wait, were you always this kind of person? That's really creepy... Can you never speak to me again, please?'
The thought of Utage's disgusted expression was enough to make Tamon scream in despair, collapsing to his knees.
'Poor thing... The magnitude of Tamon-kun's wonder must have scared him...' Utage thought, her eyes full of understanding (?) as she lent her friend her F/ACE handkerchief.