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"You're stopping the car. Now, Ilya," Shane said, his voice tight with rage.
"Whoa. Shane, it was just a short text," Ilya replied, barely bothered. "Don’t freak out over nothing."
"It’s not nothing. I don’t care if it was short or long. Stop the damn car." His tone sharpened, anger rising.
"Fine." Concern finally creeping in, Ilya pulled over at the first safe spot on the national road. "There. Happy—no"
"Get out of the car." Shane leaned over, unfastened Ilya’s seatbelt, then his own.
Ilya shot him a glare, but the fury in Shane’s eyes made him fall silent.
They switched seats—Shane behind the wheel, Ilya now the passenger.
"So what now? You’ll punish me by not talking to me again? Very adult of you," Ilya muttered, knowing the jab would land badly but unable to resist.
"Fuck off! What’s adult is not risking your life and everyone else’s by texting while driving a high‑speed car," Shane snapped, agitation spilling over.
Ilya snorted.
"We’ve talked about this before. No speeding. No texting while driving."
"Okee, okee. I’m sorry. I forgot," Ilya said quickly.
"You don’t sound like you mean it at all!"
"What the fuck do you want from me, Hollander?"
"Don’t call me by my last name, when we have an argument."
"Hollander. Hollander. Hollander."
"You accuse me of being childish for going quiet when I’m upset, but right now you’re acting like a bratty child."
Ilya didn’t know why he was pushing him. Deep down, he knew Shane was right. He should just admit it, apologize and stop doing it. Instead, he heard himself say:
"Let me be bratty child."
He crossed his arms, slouched into the seat, and stared out the window. "I didn’t have much of a childhood anyway..."
Shane glanced at him. The sad, glassy eyes, the lip caught between teeth—communication with Ilya was not always simple. He sighed and started the car.
—
The landscape rolled past in long strokes of pine forest, open sky, and the endless grey ribbon of highway. Sunlight flickered through the trees like a stuttering film reel. It should have been calming. Instead, every passing kilometer only made Ilya feel smaller. He hated this version of himself—the defensiveness, the childishness, the way he sabotaged moments that didn’t need to become battles.
After a long silence, Shane finally spoke.
"You know… I almost lost you on that plane back then. I can only imagine how terrifying it was for you, but I know exactly how it felt for me. And it’s the same feeling I get when you’re reckless like this. The thought of losing you terrifies me. I love you. I want to grow old with you. We fought so hard for this life, this future. There’s so much left for us to do. When you risk all of that, it hurts. And yes, it makes me then this furious."
He paused and looked over.
Tears were streaming down Ilya’s cheeks.
"Hey," Shane said softly, placing a hand on his knee.
Ilya grabbed it, pressed a kiss into his palm, then folded forward, sobbing into his hands.
Shane spotted a rest area ahead and pulled in immediately. He unbuckled them both, but Ilya stayed curled up, shaking. Shane got out, circled the car, and opened the passenger door. The sight of Ilya trembling and sobbing hit him hard. He slipped his arms under him—one around his back, one beneath his legs—and lifted him out. Ilya gave a startled look before burying his face in Shane’s chest.
Shane carried him to a wide wooden bench in the empty rest area and laid him down. Those kind of curved benches in nature, where you can lay on together and watch the landscape. Ilya clung to him, unwilling to let go.
"I’ll be right back. Just grabbing the blanket from our car."
The weather was sunny but cool. Shane returned with the blanket, tissues, snacks and two water bottles. He settled beside Ilya, facing him. Tears still streamed from Ilya’s bright eyes. Shane wiped them—and the snot—with gentle strokes.
Ilya’s voice trembled.
"I’m s—" A sob cut him off. "I’m so sorry, Shane."
Shane kissed his snotty lips without hesitation.
"I don't want to hurt you. I wasn’t thinking."
Another sob.
"No speeding. No texting. I promise."
Shane smiled softly, brushing his cheek. "Thank you."
"I’m sorry for being such a burden as boyfriend," Ilya's voice broke. "I want to spend life forever with you too."
"You’re not a burden!" Shane said firmly. "It’s fine now. I forgive you. Stop being so damn harsh on yourself."
Ilya stared at him with his messy face. "...I love you."
"I love you too.", he responded caressing Ilya's chin.
They shared long passionate kiss.
Shane pulled a small water bottle from under the blanket. "Here. Drink a little bit."
Ilya gave a shy smile and parted his lips. Shane held the bottle as he drank eagerly.
"Very well. Now eat your Snickers," Shane said with a smirk. "You’re not you when you’re hungry."
The tension finally broke. Both laughed.
"Yum, yum, yum," Ilya said happily, munching his chocolate bar as they lay curled together on the bench, watching the blue sky and drifting white clouds.