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the roar of the crowd was deafening, ecstatic screams surrounding the five performers on the platform that was dead center of the arena. it was the biggest crowd that they had performed for yet and the energy was intense, addictive.
james’ chest heaved as he held the final pose after the ending notes of ‘FaSHioN’ had echoed out from the speakers, the heavy rock remix leaving the audience in dumbfounded awe before screams had erupted. he’d blacked out the performance in the best way possible, a demon having taken over his body and dancing as if it were the only thing that could keep it alive.
james had been made for the stage, a notion that proved itself time and time again each time he stepped foot on one—whether it be as a back-up dancer or finally, as a singer and main dancer in a group that he could equally call his own—it’s what he was born to do.
the intense emotions that overcame him with each performance were always the same, yet something he was far from ever getting used to: a euphoria that wrapped around his entire being. regardless of it being early within their career, he knew that he would never take the feeling for granted.
but despite the glorious high, james knew it wouldn’t be long until they were off the stage and walking down the long corridor towards the fitting rooms. his limbs would inevitably turn to jelly from overexertion while his stomach would churn and have him heaving into the nearest waste bin. it was nothing too concerning, just typical zhao james habits.
for now, while his body and head were basking in the bliss of the crowd and while he was still able to stand, he would enjoy the energy to the fullest.
james’ eyes were locked on the lightsticks of the crowd, a wide almost maniacal smile on his face as he surveyed just how massive the audience was, how unreal it all was. his gaze then shifted to the individuals on either of his sides, the members—his friends, his family—and a different kind of emotion filled his chest. there was no one else he’d rather be on this stage with.
just in front of him was juhoon and seonghyeon, equally as elated but soon to have reached their limit as well. he didn’t even have to look at keonho, who was the furthest from his own position, to know that the ex-swimmer was hardly winded. the youngest had an amount of energy and stamina that no one else he’d ever known could match.
it was martin that stood ten feet apart to his right, in line with him behind the formation of the other three. the hood of the delicate lace cardigan that he wore partially covered his face, and james was reminded to tell the other just how good he looked in the outfit once they were backstage.
just before he was about to glance back to the crowd, martin looked over towards james and their eyes locked. it was fleeting, barely a moment in time, but despite the smile james could see something else in martin’s eyes—distress? tension?—that stirred a primal instinct deep within.
something isn’t right.
james’ dark eyes flicked down the long line of martin’s body, the way his chest rose and fell just the same as the rest of them. but the manner in which he swayed lightly on his feet was different, almost as if he were barely able to hold himself up.
“martin?” james didn’t know why he was trying to call out to the other. they’d all taken out their in-ear monitors to listen to the raw screams of the crowd, leaving it impossible to hear one another.
and just as he’d been about to abandon his position to get closer, as if fate had a cruel sense of humor, martin dropped to the ground like a marionette with its strings suddenly cut.
james’ heart lurched into his throat, and his alpha—a part of himself that had felt to be dormant for weeks with how busy life had become—awakened at the sight of martin collapsing. he’d tried to get there in time, to somehow miraculously catch the other before he’d fully made it to the ground, but james’ reactive lunge only resulted in him being close enough to watch as martin’s forehead cracked against the ground.
“martin!” his yell was drowned out by the gasps and screams of the crowd, by the chaos that was quickly unfolding as everyone realized what had happened, that it wasn’t part of an act.
james’ was on his knees beside him within seconds, desperate to pull martin up from the ground and against his chest so that he wasn’t slumped so unnaturally against the floor. the sight alone was almost too much, as if it were merely just a lifeless body and no longer martin.
but he hadn’t even been able to touch martin before he was suddenly yanked back, staff and stand-by medics crowding the area and demanding that he and the other members leave the stage immediately.
“no,” james voice was hoarse as he tried to yell, “just let me make sure he’s okay, please.”
an unfamiliar protective urge coarsed through james’ veins when he tried to get closer again, an animalistic snarl just on the edge of his lips as he was met yet again with a barrier of people. he couldn’t understand why his alpha was so agitated and almost, feral—especially when the medics would know better of what to do in this situation—but he needed to be close, to see with his own eyes that martin was okay.
“hyung, come on,” juhoon was bent down close to his ear, yelling amongst the mayhem of the arena, “we need to get out of here, now.”
james’ eyes snapped to juhoon, gaze pleading while he shook his head, “no. i-i can’t—,”
“i know, but you have to.” there was something unspoken in juhoon’s words, and even moreso in the depth of his eyes, like he knew far more about the emotions within james’ chest than james even did himself.
and so james reluctantly allowed himself to be pulled towards the stage exit, eyes refusing to leave the spot in which he had last seen martin, until he was pulled completely out of sight of it.
xx
james couldn’t think, almost couldn’t breathe.
he sat with his head in his hands, fingers threaded into messy hair while his eyes were shut tight. the sounds of the private hospital waiting room kept him from sinking too deeply: the passing of a stray nurse; a random gurgle from the water dispenser; the distant beeps from monitors of nearby rooms. all of it was one big mass of noise.
but none of it touched the conversation that played over and over in his head.
“martin is stable now, but his body is still recovering from the rejection. now the laceration on his head-,”
“i’m sorry, um,” james cleared his throat as he tried to follow the conversation, shaking his head as if that would clear any confusion, “what do you mean rejection?”
“from the suppressants,” the doctor said easily.
james looked helplessly to the company staff member that sat next to him. none of this made any sense.
her voice was soft as she spoke, gentle like it could cause a sudden calamity if not spoken in otherwise, “martin has been on omega suppressants since he was 12, james. …it was his choice when he first joined the company.”
“right,” the doctor added, “which brings me to my next worry. it isn’t out of the ordinary for an omega to reject suppressants, but it is a bit alarming when one has been on them for over 5 years. his body is very weak right now and from my notes, it sounds like edwards-ssi had been experiencing these symptoms for a couple of weeks already.”
james was going to have a panic attack.
martin. his martin, his leader.. was an omega? …and had been hiding that fact this entire time?
the staff member’s hand rested on james’ arm, “we decided that it was best you be made aware of this information, as the next preferred option for leading the team while martin is unable to. as soon as he is, he will return to the position, but for now the others need your leadership, james.” she added as an afterthought, “i suggest you do not tell them about martin just yet. he was very adamant about keeping his second gender unknown.”
“but he’s a… beta,” james murmured, as if that would change any of what was just said.
“he’s not,” she answered softly, tone sympathetic, and she gave a soft squeeze to his arm.
james’ head jerked up as soon as he heard martin’s full name spoken, back straightening and hands folded in his lap on instinct. the staff member from earlier, yunseo, had stood and was already conversing with the nurse.
a nervous jitter ran through james’ frame while he tried to listen to the low conversation, his leg lightly bouncing. he tried to be patient, to stop himself from demanding that he finally be able to see martin.
if he had thought his alpha was restless before, it was absolutely pacing now.
“james,” yunseo called, breaking him from his thoughts.
he looked up to see both the nurse and yunseo looking at him—for how long, who knows—and stood up as yunseo gave a small wave of her hand for him to follow down the hallway.
james couldn’t describe the feeling in his chest when they came to a stop in front of the door to martin’s room. it was a mixture of worry, hurt, fear, anger—too many strong emotions all fighting for dominance and not one of them winning over another.
“i’ll let you have some time with him alone first,” yunseo said once the nurse had departed from them. she’d given a short rundown of martin’s current status, as well as when she would be back for a routine check-up, merely only having been there to show them to the room.
“thank you,” james answered softly, nodding. he was still having trouble finding his voice after having screamed it out at the concert. it was hard to believe that had even happened. once the adrenaline faded, james knew that he was going to completely collapse. hopefully he was back in their shared dorm once that happened.
james took a deep breath in before he turned the handle and pushed open the door.
he could do this.
it was just martin.
even if everything felt different now, and the world had tilted just enough to send it all sliding.
james didn’t expect the sudden ache in his chest as soon as his eyes fell on martin: the leader lay peacefully on the bed, sheets pulled up and tucked neatly around his waist; his eyes were closed but james’ could still see the dark bags under them, the exhaustion that seeped from every pore; and the gauze wrapped delicately around his forehead that looked so painfully out of place.
“tin-ah,” james whispered as he came closer. he stopped once he stood beside the bed and was able to take in martin’s entire form.
“…had been experiencing these symptoms for a couple of weeks already…”
james swallowed, tears pricking his eyes as he muttered lowly, “how the fuck did i not notice.” he sniffed and glanced down as he continued, “i’m the oldest, i’m supposed to see these things when no one else does.” but the comeback—james, as well as everyone else, had just assumed martin’s exhaustion was because of that, of the way he pushed himself and barely slept. not this, not because his body was literally fighting to gain control from the medication within it.
there were a couple of cushioned chairs placed near the windows on the opposite side of the room and james pulled one over until it was right next to martin’s bed, before settling into it. he was not leaving this spot until martin awoke, until he could see that his— that the omega was alright.
martin’s an omega, james continued to repeat in his head. he didn’t know why his entire being accepted it so readily, like his alpha had somehow always known despite the proclamation coming as a shock. but something about it all just felt… right. as if the shifting of the world was happening so that something could fall back into the correct place that it was always meant to be in.
james’ eyes flicked down to martin’s hand that lay atop the blankets, a white band around the wrist, and he extended his own hand forward to take the long, thin fingers into his palm. his thumb caressed carefully, moving up to slide against knuckles in a circular pattern.
“why didn’t you tell me?” james whispered, resting his chin on the side bar of the bed as he looked back up to martin’s face. he could still see the product in martin’s blonde hair that was starting to appear greasy now and already knew the sensation of it was going to bother martin as soon as he awoke. an odd instinctual part of james wished he could wash it for the younger.
gradually, james’ eyes began to droop. he didn’t even know what time it was, just that it was incredibly late and he should have been asleep hours ago.
but he continued to hold martin’s hand instead, to watch over the omega until he slowly lost consciousness and the sounds of the hospital faded to nothing.
xx
there were fingers running through james’ hair—slow, gentle, methodical in the way that they applied just the perfect amount of pressure to the scalp—and the blissful feeling that it evoked would have had james purring if it hadn’t stirred him back to reality.
the moment he shifted his head, the fingers disappeared immediately, almost like they’d been afraid of being caught in the action, and james was forced to focus on the ache that ran along his jaw and down to his neck. he knew that he shouldn’t have fallen asleep next to martin, that he should have just rested on the sofa in the room instead.
but he wanted, no, needed to be close to the omega.
he wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep any other way.
the layout of the room came back to james with startling clarity as he blinked his eyes awake, sunlight now streaming in through the windows and making the space appear more alive than the dreary gloom that it had been in prior.
james winced at the light and brought up a hand to rub at his eyes, he could already imagine how bloodshot they were. he turned his head just enough until it gave way to a satisfying crack and then focused back on the whole reason he’d stayed the night in the first place.
and that’s when their eyes met.
martin’s light hazel ones to james’ midnight brown ones.
“martin!” the name left james’ lips in a jolt, the legs of the chair grating against the floor as he automatically stood. “you’re awake,” he stated the obvious dumbly before more words fell in a rush, “are you okay? has anyone been by to see you since you woke up?”
“hyung,” martin croaked, huffing out a small chuckle, “‘m okay,” he cleared his throat from the raspiness of his voice, “please, calm down.”
“calm down?” james repeated the words, “tin-ah, you fainted, in front of thousands of people.”
“thanks for the reminder…” martin winced.
“i literally watched you hit your head and couldn’t do anything to stop it and you are telling me to calm down?”
martin held out an arm toward the bedside table that was just out of reach, fingers making grabby motions, “hyung, can you get my water for me, please.” he said it as if he hadn’t even been listening to anything james was saying, and once he’d been given the glass, proceeded to sip through the straw casually while his eyes stayed on james.
“i’m serious, martin. no one would let me near you to even check if you were okay,” james said, a prominent frown on his lips now.
martin’s shoulders drooped, “i’m sorry i made you guys worry.”
“don’t. do not be sorry that you’re in the hospital right now. that’s not what i want to hear.”
a deep sigh left martin’s lips as he rested his head back against the pillow after handing his water back, “why are you here, hyung? you should be back at the dorm… with the others.”
“i’m exactly where i want to be.” with my omega. james bit back the words before they dared leave his lips. they may have been a pack that formed due to the company, but that didn’t mean they would become the kind of pack where james was able to call martin his. that was a whole other predicament that would have to be handled if and when it ever came to it.
james couldn’t understand why, but his alpha was already persistent on the idea that martin was his omega. and from the pent up buzz within his chest now that the truth was out, had been sure of this for quite some time now.
“did—did the doctor or staff—tell you anything?” martin’s voice was soft, hesitant.
and james tried to be calm in return, he really did, but he just couldn’t. not with everything that had been blatantly kept from him for the past several years.
“not much,” he started with, “except that you fainted because you’re an omega that has been on suppressants since you were twelve and now those suppressants no longer work because your body has been rejecting them for weeks.” his words had become painted with steel by the end, the subtle frustration evident.
martin looked as if he had been slapped. cheeks red, eyes glassy, lips curved in a small frown. and he quickly averted his gaze down to his hands, long fingers picking at a loose thread on the stiff hospital sheet that covered his frame. it felt scratchy against his skin, uncomfortable. “i-i’m sorry.”
“for what, tin?” james asked, sighing in defeat as he dropped his head down to his hands, “for pushing yourself past a limit that you knew you shouldn’t have? …or for lying to all of us this entire time?” james knew the words were cruel, knew that he would also quickly regret them.
and martin’s head abruptly lifted at the accusation, a teary glare full of hurt aimed towards the alpha, “i did not lie to anyone.”
“no, no, you just kept a huge part of yourself secret.” james snorted, “right, because that’s better.” he blamed lack of sleep and mild exhaustion for his irritability, though he knew that was no excuse either.
“what would you know, james?” martin’s voice had risen, honorific dropped, “you came into an industry that allows alphas to do whatever the fuck they want. you weren’t told that all you would be good for is a pretty face in a group.” tears had begun to carefully drip from the corners of martin’s eyes. “before i got accepted into bighit, no one would let me produce or write, or, or rap. i was just told to shut up and eat less.”
a heavy silence settled over the room until martin spoke again, tone tired and defeated, “and before i was signed, they offered the idea of the suppressants, said that i could just go forward as a beta if i wanted. and it was like, the minute i started them, i was suddenly treated differently by everyone—i was taken seriously for once. and i just… i didn’t want to go back to before, ever.”
james’ own eyes had a light sheen over them, and he swallowed hard, “i just don’t understand why you didn’t trust us… why you didn’t trust me.”
“i was scared…,” martin admitted plainly. “i thought, you guys would be ashamed to have an omega as a leader. it just, seemed like the best idea to keep it hidden.”
“you think that lowly of us?”
the hurt within martin’s eyes had quickly returned, “that’s not—,” his voice caught on a hitch of breath, “if you’re just going to be mean, then leave, hyung.” he was trying to stop the tears as best he could, “i said i was sorry, and i am. …but i can’t change any of that now and i still wouldn’t.” he turned away after that, carefully shuffling his body onto the side away from where james sat.
the thoughts inside james’ head were still loud, emotions tumbling over one another as he tried to gain control of them. he knew that he was angry, but not at martin, could never be mad at martin for something like this. instead, the anger had taken aim towards anyone that had ever made the omega feel like that, to those that had created and planted any sort of doubt within martin’s head. james just hadn’t realized until this moment how much he was taking that anger out on martin.
“i’m sorry,” james said, “…i shouldn’t have said any of that.” he wasn’t even sure if martin would respond to the apology, and he wouldn’t blame the omega if he didn’t.
james took a deep breath and admitted, “i didn’t say all of that because i was mad… i said it because i was hurt.” he hated the vulnerability in his voice, but knew that it was needed, “and i know that’s no excuse. i still was out of line, but i just… i just wanted you to trust me.”
he was about to make his way to leave after that, having said all that he’d wanted to.
“hyung, i do trust you.”
martin’s small voice caused him to stop just feet from the door, “you have no idea how many times i wanted to tell you, no idea. and the thing was, i knew that you would understand. that you wouldn’t judge me or treat me any different. …but then the others began to join the company and suddenly we were becoming something and i just, didn’t want to ruin any of the potential that we had. no one would have taken us seriously with an omega leader.”
“martin…,” james tried to argue weakly.
“you know that i’m right, we would have been laughed at.”
james hated that he had to agree.
the industry was starting to become more and more progressive with omegas gradually being put in roles that would have been controversial years ago but it was still very limited and rather performative. and behind the scenes, the differential treatment between genders could be even worse depending upon the company.
the alpha was facing back towards martin again, an undeniable urge to return to the omega’s side so strong within his chest, “i know that you’re right… still hate it, though.”
the smile that came to martin’s lips was small, but it was a smile nonetheless, and had james’ alpha perking up in gratification at the sight of it.
“hyung,” martin raised his arm out towards james, a quiet plead within his eyes, “don’t want you to go.”
“tin-ah,” james chided, yet his feet still carried his body back towards the other, “i think i’m going to pass out if i don’t go sleep in an actual bed.” it’s not like he wanted to leave, but he also knew that his body could only run on fumes for so long. on top of the stress and panic from the remainder of the night, they’d had a performance before all of that—it was already incredible that james wasn’t passed out on the floor, stone-cold, right now.
martin didn’t even say anything, only moved to the side of the bed to create as much space as possible while pulling back the blanket, “it’s not exactly comfortable, but it’s a bed.”
a weird, strangled noise escaped james’ throat, “i don’t think, i mean, i should just—,” he was trying to come up with a reasonable answer as to why he shouldn’t, but his mind lay void of any when the thought of merely resting next to martin had his alpha howling in delight.
“it’s okay, hyung,” martin interrupted, “you’re right, you should go back to the dorm.”
james didn’t miss the tinge of disappointment in the younger’s voice. it pulled at his chest like a tether intricately wound around his rib cage. and the idea of leaving suddenly became so horrible of a thought that james hadn’t even known what he was thinking entertaining the idea of it in the first place.
he should stay with his omega, of course.
“you are actually going to be the death of me,” the alpha muttered once he was climbing into the bed, outwardly ignoring the cute grin spread wide on martin’s face.
it took them a moment to get situated: moving limbs so that they settled against one another comfortably, making sure martin’s head wasn’t agitated in the process—admittedly, martin had forgotten about the head wound until he’d rested upon it and immediately winced at the pressure—but they easily settled into the mattress facing one another after that.
as soon as james’ head hit the pillow, a deep relieved sigh escaped him. and the weight of everything finally felt as if it had been lifted and that he could actually breathe. he hadn’t realized just how much that weight had been pressing upon him until this very moment.
his eyes had immediately fallen shut too, not caring in the slightest of the sunlight flooding the room.
and then those long fingers were in his hair again, carefully combing it back. james’ hummed blissfully at the feeling, aware only of the way martin’s hand smoothed the messy locks back a few more times before it moved further down to cup at his jaw, a thumb grazing against his cheekbone.
“thank you,” the words were whispered, “alpha.”
and james didn’t know if they’d actually been said.
or were just part of a dream.
xx
the dormitory was quiet when james and martin arrived. a rare calm that cloaked the space in the middle of the day. and from the looks of it, had been cleaned up for their arrival—the living room tidied and livable, no stray clothes strewn across the floor or wrappers left on the surface tops—it was actually quite impressive.
james helped martin through the door, a steady arm around the omega’s waist in guidance as he kicked shoes out of their path just within the entryway. it wasn’t like martin couldn’t walk, but the moment they’d stepped off the elevator and martin had stumbled from a bout of dizziness, james had been glued to his side since.
it’d been a grueling 24 hours since martin had been admitted to the hospital, and he was thankful to finally be able to go home. no matter how many times he’d insisted to the staff that he was fine, they continously said it be best if he stay for the recommended full day. and once james had caught ear of that, he’d been right there alongside with them too.
“the others should be back soon, but until then we’ll get you set up in my room, yeah?” james suggested.
as the oldest of the group, he’d been given priority for the master bedroom while the others roomed together. it had been a god-send. james loved his members, he really did, but occasionally the age gap would make itself known and it all became too much. he needed his space, his quiet time.
the thought at giving that up was tough, james had to admit, but he was more than willing to part ways with it for martin.
the omega huffed out, “hyung, you are not giving me your room. i am fine with the others, seriously.”
“the staff already told me it’s required that you have your own room, tin-ah,” james easily countered.
“well that isn’t going to matter once i’m back on suppressants.”
the words landed heavy between them, unexpected. james had immediately looked to martin, eyebrows furrowed in a mixture of bewilderment and objection, “what?”
martin lightly pushed away from james as they walked down the hallway to the bedrooms, the sudden need for space, “you didn’t honestly think that i would stay off of them, did you?”
and james froze at that because—he did, he had absolutely assumed martin was going to stay off of them. that everything had been about to change and they would adjust as a group to having an omega within it: making sure that precautions were set in place, safety regulations were being administered. his alpha had been overjoyed at the idea of it all.
“tin, i don’t think—,” he tried to argue but the words fell flat.
martin had also stopped within the hallway and given a sharp look back to the alpha, “don’t, please… it’s my choice.” the look in his eyes was pleading, an unsaid ‘please don’t be like everyone else’ just on the surface.
and slowly, unwillingly, james gave a light nod of his head, “yeah, of course.” the alpha restlessly circling in his chest was ignored, pushed back. “come on, you should sit down.” and he stepped ahead of martin to open the door to his room, dropping the conversation all together.
the bedroom was just as james remembered leaving it: a little messy, a little hectic, but homely. he grabbed at some dirty clothing on the floor with one hand while scooping up a singing bowl nearby with the other and made to set them on the desk in the corner.
martin was already making himself comfortable on the bed, falling back into the plush grey comforter and burying his head into the pillow as he groaned out in bliss. this was so much better than the stiff, sanitary hospital bed.
and then he breathed in,
and it was like he’d been thrown into the clouds, suspended there—james’ natural alpha musk wrapped around him, blanketed him in a protective embrace—and suddenly martin wanted to roll in it until he was completely covered in the scent.
“you should let me change the sheets first.” james said. he’d been idlely arranging things on his desk before he’d turned back to see the omega curled into his bed, a satisfied heat settling in his chest at the sight.
“no,” martin answered almost immediately. his eyes had snapped open at the words, the distate for such a thing on the tip of his tongue. “i- i mean, it’s fine. you don’t have to do all of this, hyung.” and he pushed himself to sit back up, regardless of how much his omega whimpered at not being buried within the alpha’s scent.
james watched martin for a moment, gaze fixed on the bandage upon his forehead before it trailed further down and their eyes met. there was so much that he wanted to say, so much that he wanted to do. but he knew that it wasn’t his place, regardless of his alpha status. and so he left it, respecting martin’s wishes.
instead, he came forward to sit next to the omega—not too close, but enough to settle the yearning within—and breathed out steadily into the quiet room.
“hyung,” martin whispered out after a moment, “…i don’t think i can do it, tell the others…”
james looked over to see the omega’s head bowed forward. he could easily pick out the nerves and fear that wracked martin’s long frame: the tense posture, fingers that gripped and pulled at one another, teeth biting at a lower lip until it was red. the alpha carefully slid a hand up his back in consolation, fingers curling and scratching softly in a guided pattern.
“you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to, tin-ah,” james said softly.
“i know, but… they deserve to know too.”
james nodded, “i think,” he paused a moment as he tried to gather his words, and then turned his torso fully towards the omega, “look. i don’t know how to explain it, but the moment i was told about your second gender, something just—changed. it was like, some thing clicked into place and that made so many other things make sense all of a sudden too.”
martin stared at james like he was crazy, “hyung…”
“you made sense to me,” james reiterated, eyes locked with martin’s, “and i’m not saying that you didn’t before, but now it’s like i can actually see all of you.” he sighed as he continued to grab at the words that seemed to try desperately to evade him, “and it’s incredible and beautiful. …and i, i just don’t want you to be ashamed of that.”
a deep blush had blossomed on martin’s cheeks and ears, and he stuttered for words, “i’m not ashamed.”
“then why do you want to get back on suppressants?”
martin sighed, “i told you, it’s my choice.”
“and i get that, i really do,” james said, “but before you make that decision can you just… remember that you have an entire family and team behind you that loves you and would support you?” he reached a hand over to take martin’s, fingers intertwining as if it were second nature, “we made it, tin-ah. we debuted. fuck, we performed at one of the biggest award ceremonies on this side of the world.”
james stared at their clasped hands before looking up to the omega, “all of us are moving forward as ourselves. …i just want you to be able to do that too.”
the admission was doing something funny to martin’s chest, an emotion he’d been purposely ignoring ever since he’d woken up in the hospital and found james asleep right next to the bed, a warm hand in his own. his omega purred happily deep within, preening from the attention of an alpha. and martin wanted to tell it to get a grip, but he couldn’t deny that he did, in fact, like the attention.
“okay,” martin said quietly.
“okay?”
martin nodded, “okay, i’ll think about it.”
it wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no, and james appeared satisfied by it. without even thinking, he brought their clasped hands up and pressed his lips to the back of martin’s.
and martin could only stare at him, the surprise on his face subtle but apparent.
“sorry,” james muttered as soon as he saw the look on martin’s face. he’d been about to say more, to explain that he wasn’t sure what had gotten into him, into his alpha, but then—
lips, soft and sweet, were pressed to his own.
it was hardly a kiss, just a mere touch of lips that was over and done with as soon as it had started. and when martin pulled back enough for their eyes to meet, lips inches apart, james could only stare as his brain tried to process what had just happened. he was pretty sure that it had went into system overdrive and was currently shutting down.
“sorry too,” martin whispered, an embarassed chuckle sounded, “i’ve just, been wanting to do that ever since i woke up and saw you next to me in the hospital.” he pulled away further, construing the silence as a boundary overstepped, “maybe i shouldn’t have—,”
james pulled martin back towards him with a hand to his jawline, grip firm but careful, and their lips met again with tender sincerity. it was unsure at first, lips pressing hesitantly and shyly, until james angled his head just enough to drop his mouth open and dip his tongue into the omega’s willing mouth. the kiss was filled with a deep yearning that had been ignored for years, emotions that were never even allowed to have been felt until now.
once they parted for air, james continued a small trail of delicate kisses down martin’s jawline, broad hands gripping and tight on martin’s waist.
the sensation had the omega whimpering, lips parting on a soft gasp, “alpha.” and as soon as he’d said the word, his frame went rigid. martin hadn’t meant for the name to slip out, and his burning cheeks were showcasing just how embarassed he was by the accident.
but a satisfied growl sounded from james’ chest in response, “i love it when you call me that.” his voice rough, as if he were holding back a primal part of himself that was desperate to escape and claim.
“y-yeah?”
the blush was still there, but james could see that his words had soothed martin’s nerves.
the alpha leaned forward to kiss him again, slower this time, and as tongues met languidly, the weight of james’ body coaxed martin to move further back onto the bed. he guided hesitantly, as if afraid the omega would be scared off if either of them moved too quickly.
their lips broke apart with an audible smack as martin rested fully back against the mattress, a spider-web string of saliva keeping them connected until they’d parted enough for it to break. the alpha within james wanted to climb on top of the omega, to bury his face back into the neck that now smelled faintly of citrus and honey and rut hips forward in search of friction.
but james pushed the instinctual urge down. it was too soon, with not near enough spoken about this new development between them. there would need to be an actual conversation outside of the haze that they were both experiencing and he was prepared for it to be a long while before anything like that happened, if martin even wanted it to begin with.
“james,” martin breathed out, voice soft and floaty. his eyes were half-lidded but still focused on the alpha. somewhere the honorific had gotten lost, not out of disrespect but a new level of intimacy, and james relished in the feeling of it. he pulled away to rest beside the omega, forehead pressing against martin’s temple as his arm came around his waist to absentmindedly pull him closer.
martin shuffled just enough in his arms so that they were facing one another, one of his hands coming up to caress softly along james’ cheek, thumb brushing lightly over the band-aid still there.
james watched him, eyes tracing every contour of his face, before they flicked up to the bandage and stayed there, “tin-ah… don’t scare me like that again… please.” his words were quiet, almost scared.
and a look of guilt flickered across martin’s face. he’d been about to apologize before remembering james’ words from the day prior. so instead, he pressed a kiss to the alpha’s forehead, “i’ll try not to, promise.”
they laid like that for what felt like hours—sharing softs words intermittently, exchanging sweet, delicate kisses—until the sounds of the dormitory began to come alive with the arrival of the other members. it was a bittersweet interruption, and they pulled apart from one another reluctantly once they’d deemed it time to leave the sanctuary they’d created.
martin stopped just before the closed door. he was still nervous, but the chaos in his head had dulled to a controlled buzz now. something that he could actually work with, rather than full out avoid. it was still terrifying, nonetheless.
a hand rested on his forearm before it slid down, broad fingers entwining with his thinner, longer ones.
“i’m here,” james assured, his presence a comforting weight.
and that was all martin needed to take a deep breath,
and step out into the future.