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~Kara wanders around a deserted Legislation Chamber, looking for her parents. She’s only been there once before, to visit her mother with her father, but it had been bustling with people the last time. Representatives from the Science Guild, Military Guild, and Laborer Guild were all around and of course, the Lawmakers Guild ran the whole building. Now, it was silent, the marble columns towering as Kara looked around.
At first, she isn’t very worried. Her parents would never leave her! So, Kara explores, footsteps echoing around the chamber. But the minutes tick by in silence, and every moment she doesn’t see another person, Kara gets even more scared.
‘Mother?’ Kara yells. ‘Father?’
But no one answers. Just her voice, echoing off the colorless marble. The columns menace and Kara feels so small.
‘Mama?! Papa?! Where are you?!’ Kara knows she is only supposed to use those names at home, but right now she doesn’t care. She needs to find her parents!
The columns bend in on her, the light fading from the room. The room gets smaller and smaller, Kara looking all around. She’s scared, so scared, and her chest feels so tight.
She yells, screams until her throat is raw, but no one comes. No one responds. Kara is all alone.~
Kara wakes up wailing as hard as her little lungs will allow, blanket crumpled up on the floor. Heavy tears stream down her face as she yells, ‘Mama!’
In a rare state of disarray that only her daughter and husband ever get to see, Alura rushes into the room, searching for any danger. When she sees her daughter, safe in her bed other than the fear on her face and the tears in her eyes, she relaxes slightly. Alura sits down on the bed next to her daughter, pulling her into her lap as she softly shushes her.
‘It’s okay Kara, everything is okay.’ She comforts the little girl. ‘I’m here little one, tell me what’s wrong.’
Kara hiccups through her sobs burying her face in her mother’s chest until she can respond. ‘I—I was all alone Mama! I couldn’t—I couldn’t find you or Papa anywhere and I was all alone!’
She starts crying again, clinging to her mother even tighter. Alura rubs her back, trying to comfort her daughter as best she can. ‘But it was just a dream, Kara. Your amygdala was working itself over while your prefrontal cortex wasn’t working enough, accumulating into a nightmare that took advantage of your fears and stress.’
‘Your father and I will be here as long as Rao is willing, and we love you with all our hearts, Kara.’ Her mother continues when she sees that the explanation is having to affect. Science always seems to comfort Kara, understanding exactly what was going on and why it was happening.
After a while of Alura just holding her, Kara is starts to feel better. Her Mama is here, she’s okay. She looks up at her mother and winds her arms around her neck, squeezing tight. ‘I love you Mama.’
‘I love you too, little one.’ Alura tells her, never wanting to let go.
~~~
~Kara is standing on the airstrip, next to the pod. The pod that took her away from everything she loves. The pod that trapped her in time for over two decades. The pod that brought her to a world that is utterly unfamiliar to her.
Kara’s parents stand right in front of her, not sad like she remembers but serene. Behind them, Kara can see her world burning to ash. Screams are the soundtrack to this reunion, screams of everyone that she knows. Kara knows what’s about to happen, dreads what’s about to happen, but also knows there’s nothing she can do to stop it.
But she’ll still try. ‘Mama, Papa, wait. Please, just let me stay.’
Her parents just look at her, smiling, happy. Alura leans down, kisses her daughter’s forehead, and Kara swears she can actually feel her mother’s lips on her forehead. She tears up at that, her mother’s touch one of the things she misses most of all.
‘You have to go Kara. I want you to know that we love you and that everything will be okay, but you have to go.’ Her mother says.
Next thing Kara knows, she’s in the pod, taking off into space once again. The darkness closes in around her, the distant pinpricks of stars the only thing that’s keeping her sane.
Kara bangs on the window, yells into the void, does anything she can think of not to be stuck again. Kara turns in her seat and see—
Krypton explodes, the pod rolling on the after shocks. Kara clenches her seat, calling out—~
‘Mama! Mama, no!’ Kara yells in Kryptonian, waking up in an unfamiliar setting. She sits up in her bed, gripping the duvet so hard she rips holes in it, and looks around in panic. Sweat and tears drip down her face as she slowly realizes where she is.
‘Mama?’ She whispers one more time before realizing that her Mama isn’t coming. Kara looks over and sees someone bundled in their bed across the room. Alex.
Oh.
Oh yeah.
She curls back into bed, facing the wall as she pulls her knees up to her chest. Kara clenches her knees tightly, not even bothering to throw the ruin blanket back over herself.
Reality is a worse nightmare than Kara could ever dream of. At least she can still see her mother and father in her dreams one more time. Kara would watch her world explode a thousand, a million times if she could have her parents back. But here, everything is gone. Here, she’s all alone.
Kara misses her mother’s hugs and her mother’s kisses. She misses her father’s long-winded speeches that only Kara had found interesting. She misses her room with all her things and her school with all her friends.
The tears run down her face with no one to comfort her. Kara tries to cry as quietly as she can, tries not to be a bother to anyone. She can’t seem to catch her breathe, gasping as quietly as she can between sobs. She hugs her legs even tighter, burying her face in her knees.
Kara wishes that she could just…just…she doesn’t even know. Her dreams hurt so much, the good and the bad ones, and Kara can only pray to Rao and hope that her purpose finds her.
~~~
~The world burns all around her, everything she owns going up in flames. This isn’t new to Kara, isn’t even really scary, until she sees who’s here and where she is.
National City’s skyscrapers burn all around her. Catco, her apartment building, Noonan’s, it all burns. Screams echo in her mind oh so similar to the sounds on the last day of Krypton. Her parents stand in the middle of it, smiling like always, but that’s not what scares her this time.
No, this time Eliza and Alex stand with them. They look as serene as her parents, which only make the white-hot panic spreading through her every limb more painful.
Kara runs to her family, trying to get through the flames that are crawling closer and closer, using every ounce of power that she possesses. But for every step she takes, Kara never moves.
She can’t do this again! Rao, she has superpowers, this shouldn’t happen! But the flames get closer, and no power she has will allow Kara near her family.
Kara yells, screams, runs, flies. No matter what, she fails. And when the flame finally start to lick at the heels of her loved ones, Kara—~
Kara wakes up, a cold sweat on her brow and panic sparking through every cell in her body. She can’t lose it all. Not again!
She looks around in dread, Kara slowing her breathing when she sees she’s in her apartment. The world is still here. Kara is in her bed, in National City. The light outside her window is exactly that, lights. No fire to be seen. The city sleeps, as should she.
Kara’s hand shakes as she pulls out her phone, typing carefully to make sure she doesn’t break it in her leftover terror. It wouldn’t be the first one Kara’s broken, and probably not the last, but she just can’t deal with that today.
‘Kara?’ Alex responds groggily, ‘Do you know what time it is?’
‘I’m sorry Alex, I didn’t mean to wake you up. It’s—it’s not a big deal. I can just—you know what? I’ll just call you back tomorrow.’ Kara says, voice shaking.
‘No Kara, it’s fine. What’s wrong?’ Alex asks in a much more awake voice.
What’s wrong? Everything is all wrong! Kara’s not where she’s supposed to be, everyone she loves seems to die. It’s inevitable that the Earth falls to the bad luck that is Kara. She seems to bring terror and destruction everywhere she goes, and no matter what powers she has, she’ll never be able to make a difference.
But Kara doesn’t say that. Her voice cracking, she tells her sister, ‘I just needed to make sure that you were okay. That’s it.’
‘Yeah, I’m okay.’ Alex says in a soft voice. ‘Did you have a bad dream? Do you want me to come over?’
‘Yeah, I did. But it’s fine, not the first time I’ve had one.’ Kara actually hasn’t had one in months, had thought she’d finally put the sleepless nights behind her. Who was she kidding? ‘It’s okay though, I’ll be fine. I’m just—I’m glad you’re okay Alex.’
Her sister sighs through the phone, a sigh she preserves for only Kara, only her sister. A sigh that means she’s worried, but she’s willing to let it go for the moment. ‘Okay Kara. How about I bring some breakfast over tomorrow, and you can let me check on you like you know I’m dying to do?’
That makes Kara chuckle, just like Alex was trying to do. ‘Yeah, we can do that. Maybe you could pick me up those bear claws? From that place on the corner that I like?’
‘I can do that.’ Alex chuckles. ‘Love you, Kara. See you in the morning?’
‘Love you too. See you in the morning.’
Click.
And once again, Kara is all alone. She lays down, as if to go back to sleep, but she knows that there will be no more rest for her tonight. No, Kara will ruminate in her thoughts, washing clothes or moving furniture until Alex arrives in the morning.
Kara looks at the time on her phone. 3:30 A.M. Rao, it’s going to be a long night.
~~~
~All around her is darkness. Kara is so cold, her limbs weightless. She sees nothing, feels nothing, hears nothing. No one to see, no one to see her.
Only darkness. What—What’s going on?
Kara starts to panic, but tries to calm herself. It’s okay, she has superpowers. She can do whatever she needs to, get wherever she needs to, as long as there’s a sun.
Kara looks around in the darkness of this place and doesn’t even see a star, much less a sun.
The panic sits heavier, takes a hold. Her lungs tighten, her heart crawls up her throat. Tears sit right behind her eyes, silently leaking out.
Everything is silent. Kara tries to talk, to yell, to scream for help, but no sound is made. There’s nothing she can do to escape the emptiness and she’s brought right back to that place in the pod where the darkness consumed her every waking moment.
There was no escape, there is no escape. There’s only darkness, all around.~
‘Kara?’
~A voice interrupts the void. One that’s familiar, one that she knows but can’t quite place. Kara’s panic starts to fade, slightly, only slightly. Where is it coming from?~
‘Kara, you need to wake up!’
~Phantom fingers grip on her upper arm, and Kara looks all around to see where they’re coming from. She can’t find it! Where is it! She—~
Kara wakes up on the couch, where she had fallen asleep just a couple of hours ago, to Lena leaned over her. Her hands are wrapped around Kara’s upper arms and her eyes are wide with concern.
‘Wha—What’s going on?’ Kara asks, voice groggy from sleep. She goes to rub her eyes and finds her face wet with tears. Oh Rao, not again!
‘You were having a nightmare, Kara.’ Lena says cautiously, releasing her arms but not climbing off of her lap quite yet. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Oh yeah, of course!’ Kara says, trying to put on her signature cheery smile. ‘I have them all the time, so it’s no big deal.’
At the worried bite of lip and scrunching of brow that Lena does, Kara quickly backtracks, rambling away. ‘I mean, not all the time, just occasionally! Nothing big, everyone has nightmares! Right?’
Lena’s face doesn’t change, and Kara prepares herself to say something, anything else. But before she can, Lena yanks her into a hug, catching Kara unaware. Lena tells Kara as she squeezes her tight, ‘It’s okay Kara, really. I’m here. I’m right here.’
Kara doesn’t really remember the dream, doesn’t remember exactly why she was so petrified. But knowing that someone is here with her, especially that person being Lena? Knowing that she’s not alone? It makes her sob. Ugly, body shaking sobs. Sobs she hasn’t let out in years, holding everything in too tightly. She grips Lena as tightly as she can with out hurting her, which isn’t much for Kara but is better than nothing.
Kara buries her face in the crook of Lena’s neck, arms wrapped around her waist. And Lena lets her, rubbing her hands gently across her back, holding her close. ‘Let it out Kara, let it all out.’
So she does. They stay like that for a while, an eternity and a second all at once. Finally Kara pulls back, one arm still around Lena’s waist as she uses the other to wipe her eyes. ‘Sorry, Lena. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean—‘
But Lena doesn’t let her finish, carefully brushing her blonde hair put of her face as she tells her softly, ‘There’s absolutely no reason for you to apologize.’
At that moment, Lena seems to realize she still straddling her friend’s lap and practically scrambles off of Kara’s lap. It surprised the hero, but she just slings her leg over the side of the couch, making room for Lena beside her.
‘I’m so sorry Kara, I didn’t mean to sit in your lap like that!’ Lena says, face red. ‘I just needed to see if you were okay, and the only way I could do that was leaning over you, but then you sat up and were upset and…’
Kara places her hand on Lena’s arm, turning to look at her friend. ‘It’s fine, Lena. I promise it’s not a big deal, I don’t mind.’
Now it’s Kara’s turn to blush, hiding her face in her hands. She can’t see Lena’s face, but she can practically feel her smirk.
‘Oh? Well, that’s good to know, Kara.’ Lena practically purrs as she tries to peel Kara’s hands off of her face unsuccessfully.
Eventually, Kara’s face cools off and she takes her hands drop to her side. The nightmare is but a distant memory, Lena a balm to a wound that never seems to heal.
‘So…did I miss anything important in the movie?’ Kara asks Lena, looking around for a possible snack on the coffee table.
Lena rolls her eyes good-naturedly, grabbing the popcorn bowl on the end table and handing it to Kara. ‘Yes, Kara, you missed something important. You fell asleep 30 minutes in!’
Kara just shrugs her shoulders. With a handful of popcorn in her mouth, she asks sheepishly, ‘Could we watch it again?’
Lena laughs as she pulls up the movie, settling in beside her friend as it starts to play from the beginning. Kara eats her popcorn, happy to be beside Lena and even happier that she doesn’t have to go back to sleep right then.
She takes comfort in Lena, a light in the darkness, a shield in the storm. Kara cuddles in a little closer, the skin contact bringing comfort that no one else could bring.
~~~
~Lena stands in front of her. At least, Kara thinks it’s Lena. All she can see of her is her back. Kara walks closer, wants to see her face, to ask what’s going on.
But when Lena turns, the look on her face is blank. There’s no recognition in her eyes, no love, nothing. She looks right through Kara, as if she’s not even there. Kara’s heart clenches in her chest.
What is going on? She cradles Lena’s face in her hands, caressing her cheek as she ask gently, ‘Lena? Lena, can you hear me?’
Nothing. No movement, no expression.
Kara’s stomach sinks. She moves her hands to Lena’s shoulders, shaking as gently as she can. Again, nothing.
What should she do? What is she supposed to do without her favorite person in the whole world? Kara can’t do, can’t lose her whole world again.
She shakes, a little harder, a little too hard. Lena breaks apart, falling in pieces like a fragile doll who was played with a little too roughly.
Kara crumples to the floor, the sight bringing her to her knees. What had she done? Oh Rao, what had she done?
She desperately tries to put Lena back together, but every time Kara touches her, she falls to even smaller pieces.
Kara wants to yell for help, to beg anyone to do something, but she can’t even make the words come out of her mouth without sobs taking over. Instead, mumbles and yelps of ‘Lena. Lena please come back to me.’ Make their way out.
Eventually, a pile of sand sits in front of Kara. A pile of sand that used to be Lena. A pile of sand that makes bile rise in Kara’s throat as she sobs her name.~
‘Lena, please!’ Kara whimpers, eyes still closed. ‘Please come back.’
A soft hand caresses her face, the pressure of a hand at her waist. ‘Kara, baby, wake up.’
‘Lena?’ Kara cries softly, not willing to open her eyes and see the pile of sand. The pressure at her waist disappears and she feels the pad of thumbs wiping under her eyes.
‘Yes Kara, it’s me.’ Lena’s voice sounds soft but desperate. She all but begs when she asks, ‘Kara, darling, please open your eyes. Please.’
Kara never could deny her wife. So she pushes through all her fear, opening her eyes and seeing the most beautiful sight. Her love, her world, the only thing that makes life worth living.
Lena smiles above her, tears in her eyes that she tries to discreetly wipe away as she sighs in relief. ‘Another nightmare?’
Kara nods silently, drinking in the sight of her wife as if she’s drowning. And honestly, she is. Or was, until Lena came into view. Like usual, Lena guides her out of that place of fear that Kara finds herself in all too often, saving her in a way that no one else can.
Lena brushes the hair from her forehead, her fingers feather-light until they settle at the nape of Kara’s neck, twirling the baby hairs she finds there around her finger. Lena whispers, ‘Was it a bad one?’
Kara’s had a lot of nightmares, both in dreams and in real-life. She’s lost her parents, her whole world, dreamed of losing another family, another world. And that was awful, but the idea of losing Lena…
‘Yeah.’ Kara says, her voice cracking with emotion. ‘Yeah, it was a pretty bad one.’
‘Oh, baby.’ Lena responds, rolling onto her side of the bed and pulling Kara to her, holding her close. She kisses her forehead, her eyes, her nose, before softly kissing her lips, making Kara forget everything else for a moment.
Naturally, as only she can be with Lena, Kara tells her wife, ‘I love you.’
And Lena responds in kind, in the nearly lost language of her love. ‘And I love you.’
Kara’s dream isn’t forgotten, her hands still shaking as she holds her wife close, but Lena’s touches and eyes and words drown out the terror she’d just faced. Lena will always be there, every night, next to her. She’ll be there to comfort Kara, to wake her from her bad dreams and wipe the tears from her eyes.
To kiss away every bad thing and light up her world.
To shed light on the shadows and help Kara escape the ghosts that follow her everywhere she goes. And Kara would never have it any other way.