Work Text:
Vì em vẫn mãi là người đến sau
I’m always the one that comes after
Ben stares at his reflection in the mirror. Black suit and white shirt. Hair neatly styled. The colorful tie Adam’s concession to the conservative look of the wedding party. And it wouldn’t have been unreasonable or made Ben sad. Except he wasn’t getting married to Adam. He’s the best man. And it breaks his heart.
The sad playlist plays on the speaker “I’m always the one that comes after.”
Ben comes after Meave. Whom Adam loves and is too honorable to leave or ask for an open relationship. And their feelings come after Meave’s. And no part of Ben blames either of them. But inside, he wishes he could be first in someone’s life.
Mà lòng em cứ nhớ thương hoài
My heart will always miss you
Can you miss someone when they’re right next to you? Turns out the answer is absolutely. He watches them hold hands and promise to love each other. So Ben does what he does best in these situations: put on a smile and act for the audience. He gets laughter as he pretends to have lost the rings. And when he says as they leave the ceremony “Congrats to Mr and Mrs Meave!” But inside, he’s in a dark lonely chasm all by himself.
Em biết đi về đâu?
Where am I to go?
Ben thinks he’s hidden it well, but of course Sam is no fool. He sees right through the charade and hugs Ben while the newlyweds are in the reception line thanking guests. No words are exchanged, but to Ben’s bewilderment Sam willingly initiates the hug. This bizarre interaction breaks his composure and Ben bursts into tears.
Patting his back and not letting Ben go until the other man tells him to, Sam whispers “Let it out Ben. It’s ok.”
“Where am I going to go from here Sam? He’s everything to me! And from now on it’ll never be the same!” Ben sobs
Luckily, they are in the reception hall’s empty bathroom and nobody else is the wiser. After what feels like an eternity, Ben is calm enough to wash his face and make himself at least somewhat presentable.
Sam squeezes his shoulder and says “You’ll be ok.” The two men head out and head to where the reception is about to get started.
Adam sees them and smiles, joking with a wink “Hi guys. Getting up to adult trouble in the bathroom huh?”
All Ben can do is bite his lip and stare downwards. Meanwhile Sam responds with a joke of his own “As your boss, that is a very inappropriate question Mr.Chase. Now let’s get this party started. I was promised free food and alcohol!”
Yêu anh trong nỗi đau
I love you in the bitterness of pain
That night, after the lovebirds head off on their honeymoon Ben is alone in his hotel room. With a full bottle of expensive liquor and nothing but time to ruminate. Goodness knows it’s going to be another sleepless night. As another shot of the amber liquid slides down his esophagus, the memories flash before his eyes. Catching Adam’s electric blue eyes at that fateful work party. Shared peace as they work on editing a video together. Feeding each other strange foreign snacks on a train. Brushing dust off each other and literally helping each other up after a setback during a game. But all those will ever be are moments between friends.
Why does his love have to be based in pain and bitterness? He’ll always be the one that comes after. Somebody’s second choice.
“At least you’ll never leave me” he says to the alcohol.
But in the cruel irony of the universe, the now empty bottle mocks him.