Chapter Text
Kris stared across the room, eyes stuck half-open, deliberating on the cruel dilemma that lay before them.
The alarm clock was extremely frustrating. It didn't really cause much trouble before, but in the past two weeks it seemed to have taken on a newly malicious nature, taunting and mocking Kris, relishing in its own inconvenience. Blaring an ever louder siren that demanded their attention, no matter how hard they tried to hide themself beneath the covers, head crammed between pillows.
There were two options on the table. They could, theoretically, drag themselves out of their bed, trek across the room, disable the torture device, and then try to fall back asleep for however long they could. Alternatively they could stay in bed, wide awake, with nothing but their thoughts and that horrible noise to occupy them.
Kris didn't really want to get out of bed.
That being said, Kris absolutely did not want to experience raw, conscious thought this early in the day with no distractions to keep their mind occupied. And so they finally rolled out of bed and made the arduous journey to their brother's bedside cabinet in resignation, hitting the off button with the sort of insistence you could only really find in someone desperate to escape the waking world for even a few moments longer. Satisfied that they could rest in peace once more, they turned back towards their cocoon. With any luck, they'd get another ten or fifteen minutes of blissful nothingness before—
"Kris, are you awake in there? We will have to go to school quite soon..." Toriel said, gently opening the door. “Oh, wonderful, you are already awake! Kris, I am just getting some things ready, but when I am done, I will be waiting in the car for you. See you in a minute Honey!”
Kris blinked. Toriel stepped back into the hallway and closed the door with a wave, leaving Kris alone. The bed still called to them. The sheets would still be warm. That dark grey quilt they knew to be oh-so comfortable looked so, so inviting.
With a sigh, they opened their drawer to start getting dressed for the day. It was quiet. Save for the muffled birdsong making its way through the closed window, and the floorboards creaking underfoot as Kris sorted through their clothes, the bedroom might as well have been entirely silent. Asriel wasn’t here. He was worlds away now, some place far more more exciting than Hometown could ever be. He could have already been awake for an hour or still be in bed, Kris had no way to know. Before he had left, Kris could rely on old habits and simply work on autopilot like everything was normal, no matter what else was happening. Now, the house was always too quiet and all the usual routines were missing steps. Nothing felt right, not even superficially.
Quick to try and interrupt their spiralling thoughts, Kris pulled on their green-yellow sweater and robotically marched themselves downstairs and into the bathroom. They brushed their teeth mechanically, avoiding the mirror’s judgemental gaze wherever possible. It wouldn’t do them any favours to look in it. Instead, their focus wandered out of the window. It was early, but they could already tell it was going to be a warm day. The sun shone brightly, casting its golden rays through tree branches covered in leaves that were just the slightest tinge yellow themselves. Summer stubbornly clung on to Hometown, despite autumn being at least two weeks past due by any calendar’s measure. A robin came to a graceful stop on the bathroom windowsill, only to fly off just as fast as it arrived.
The weather wasn’t ideal. Kris had never dealt with the summer well – it was just too hot. Autumn was so much prettier and so much more bearable. Alas, the sun refused to yield, at least for now.
Teeth clean and tasting just slightly of apples, Kris stepped into the kitchen – this was the part of the morning routine where Kris was normally supposed to eat something. They could probably have toast or cereal without expending too much effort. They had plenty of time for once, what with Toriel interrupting them before they could sleep long enough to guarantee a late arrival to school.
They stood at the fridge, their hand wrapped around the handle but making no attempt to pull open the door. Their eyes pointed distinctly away from the slightly faded photos pinned to it. They looked down at the floor, then back to the front door. Toriel was probably waiting in the car for them to finish getting ready.
Kris looked back to the fridge and scuffed their foot on the floor aimlessly.
They could probably get by fine without eating anything. They weren’t really that hungry anyway.
Turning away from the fridge, they lingered in place a few seconds longer, eyes passing across action figures in the windowsills and the dining table with too many empty seats. They tapped their palms on their legs indecisively. Then the moment passed, and Kris walked to the front door, allowing a strange, empty feeling to settle over their body. They didn’t need to eat breakfast. All they needed to do was put on their shoes and get through the day. They could just eat something at lunch anyway, it wasn’t a big deal. So they tied their laces and opened the door.
“Kris! It is good to see you up and about so early in the day,” Toriel said, turning to face them with a slightly bothered look on her face. “Are you,” she hesitated for a moment, “already finished eating? You normally take a little longer…”
Kris nodded without elaboration.
“Ah, well then, I suppose there is no harm in getting to school early for a change...” she said, despite the doubt evident in her tone.
Kris simply nodded again. Toriel awkwardly situated herself into the driver’s seat – like most vehicles, her car was somewhat cramped for a monster of her stature. Meanwhile, Kris decided to take the backseat, the passenger seat remaining conspicuously empty. They allowed themself to zone out as the car started moving, leaning their head against the cool window, letting the vibrations of the wheels passing over the asphalt echo through their skull and drown out their thoughts.
Though it was only a short drive, by the time they arrived at the school, Kris had almost drifted back off to sleep.
“Kris, it is strange to be here without Asriel, is it not?” asked Toriel as she left the car, Kris doing the same.
“A little,” Kris murmured in return, as they accompanied their mother into the school, the brisk morning air embracing them before they stepped through the front entrance.
“Kris, please do not worry yourself about your brother. He is surely having a wonderful time at university,” she paused, hugging them in the quiet of the school hallway. “He will be back home before you know it. Have a good day in class Honey!” with that, she walked down the hallway to her classroom, no doubt eager to take advantage of her early arrival to school.
Kris took a moment to procrastinate before making their own way to class. They stood at their locker, retrieving their pencil case and fidgeting with its black zipper, listening to the buzz of the fluorescent hallway lights. The one at the end of the hall sometimes flickered in a way that reminded them of morse code. They looked over their shoulder. Students were still unenthusiastically filtering into their classes. Kris zipped shut their pencil case one last time before closing their locker and leaning back onto the hard green metal – there wasn’t any need to rush, it wasn’t technically time for class yet, and Alphys would probably take even longer to actually start class anyway.
It wasn’t entirely clear at what point Kris stopped paying attention to their surroundings, scrolling nothing in particular on their cracked phone screen. So they were somewhat startled when a warm and cheery voice dragged them back into awareness.
“Oh, hi Kris! Are you um, doing okay? It’s weird seeing you before class, normally you turn up a little later faha!” Noelle tilted her head a little, hands joined behind her back, standing in between Kris and the classroom door – how hadn’t they noticed her passing? Anxiously leaning from one hoof to the other, she continued, filling the empty air where Kris did not, “I was just about to go into class if you wanted to, umm, come too? That way you could be on time for once…”.
She looked at Kris expectantly.
“Okay,” Kris finally responded, giving her extraordinarily little to work with conversationally…
“That’s great! I think Ms. Alphys is assigning a group project today, so we could be partners on it, if you um, wanted to be?” she asked, a slight uncertainty catching on her words.
Kris needed to come up with an excuse. It wasn’t like they didn’t want to partner with Noelle, but… being around her for too long never went well, they always ended up feeling terrible, even more out of place than usual. They’d only mess up her grade anyway. Worst of all, they could get her hurt. She shouldn’t want to partner up, it was a bad idea.
“Kris?” she prompted again. Kris racked their brain for a response.
“Won’t Berdly want to partner with you?”. It was as flimsy as wet tissue paper but it would have to do. Berdly always paired up with Noelle, there was no way she could outright reject him just to try and partner with someone showing so little enthusiasm for the idea.
“Oh! Faha, well, we — um, he might, but I…” Noelle faltered. It had worked, though it didn’t exactly feel like a victory. She wrung her hands. Kris’ shoulders felt tense.
“Well um, if you change your mind, just let me know, okay Kris?” she smiled a smile so bright most people wouldn’t be able to tell it was a well-practiced fake.
Her eyes failed to maintain her otherwise chipper front. Kris’ stomach twisted in knots.
“Sure,” Kris supplied. The tone wasn’t particularly optimistic tone.
“Okay then…” Noelle turned to class, anxious to escape this car-crash of an interaction. Kris, after some deliberation, finally followed her through the door to Alphys’ classroom, the door creaking some as it drifted shut.
Alphys was busy writing out instructions for the upcoming project on her chalkboard, and startled when Noelle spoke up, “Good morning Alphys!”
“Oh, Noelle! And um, K-Kris! Good, um, morning!” she froze for a moment, forehead creased and mouth hanging open, before rallying herself and continuing, “We’re going to be doing a group project today, but you can you can just um, sit in in your usual seats for now”.
Kris took a moment to scan the room before sitting at their desk. The class was mostly filled up by now, the only empty seats remaining were Susie’s and MK’s. Catti and Jockington were both texting, though how exactly the latter managed to type coherently Kris wasn’t entirely sure. Snowy was struggling to flip through their workbook with their beak, Temmie didn’t seem to be doing anything at all, and Berdly was… Berdly was looking right at them?
“Ah Kris! I see you’ve decided to turn up on time for once, perhaps you’ve finally decided to invest points into your intelligence stat?” Berdly sarcastically quipped.
Kris blinked and started walking to their desk.
“Alas, you will always be but a reserve party member Kris, hmph!” called Berdly over his shoulder. Next he turned to face Noelle as she made to sit at her own desk, taking on a slightly-less arrogant tone, “And a pleasant morning to you, my cervine friend!”
“Oh, good morning Berdly!” Noelle replied, throwing an apologetic-looking smile Kris’ way as she sat down. MK entered through the door and rushed to their own desk.
It hadn’t even been a minute and Kris felt like school was taking forever. Today was probably going to be a long day. Their head hit the wooden desk before they had finished even thinking to do it. Judging by the classroom ambience, Alphys was flipping between typing at her computer and scribbling away at the chalkboard. Kris could still hear Catti tapping away. The bell for first period hadn’t rang yet, so if Kris was lucky, they could fall asleep right on their desk before class actually started and Alphys wouldn’t have the nerve to wake them up.
They lay there on the desk, head hidden between their arms, eyes shut tight, ears slowly tuning out the noise around them. Sleep however, did not come easily like usual. Something was eating away at them, though they couldn’t immediately put their finger on what exactly that “something” was. It wasn’t Asriel for once, their brain wasn’t exactly expecting to see Asriel in class.
Kris tapped their fingers impatiently. What was it? They turned their head up to lean on their chin and opened their eyes in restless frustration, only to find themselves looking right at the answer to their question. Or at least, looking at the back of its head, golden locks flowing down past its shoulders, shining like the hair of an angel. They had upset Noelle. No one else would be able to tell but Kris had known the moment they had finished speaking outside of class.
The excuse they’d used had been pathetic, so of course Noelle had seen right through it. Kris balled their hands into fists. They had pushed Noelle away to avoid hurting her and then hurt her anyway. The worst possible outcome. The day had only just started and they had already ruined it. Slightly too-long nails dug into their palms. They dropped their head back onto their desk and gritted their teeth.
This was why they didn’t speak to her. This was why she was better off without them. Kris wasn’t worth being around. It didn’t matter that Noelle only got hurt because they tried to push her away, they’d just find some other way to screw things up if they actually spent any time together, probably something worse. It wouldn’t be the first time, there had been slip ups before. They thought back to last year.
It wasn’t supposed to have been a notable day. A couple of weeks before winter break, Noelle had asked them to study together for an math exam Kris kept struggling with the classwork for. Kris was been in a good mood for once, and recklessly concluded that nothing really bad could result from studying at Noelle’s house for an hour or two.
At first, it had seemed like they were right. They hit the books and Noelle managed to teach them things in two hours which Alphys, through no real fault of her own, had failed to impart in two weeks. With Kris having made surprisingly quick progress, Noelle had suggested they watch a movie together, take a break from studying, to which Kris agreed. Neither of them bothered reading the synopsis of the low budget horror flick Noelle pirated online.
It was fun at first, regardless of quality. Some poorly-shot scare of a rubbery, unconvincing ‘alien’ in the woods made Noelle jump halfway to the ceiling, and Kris had been forced to admit that if nothing else, the lead actress’ delivery was pretty convincing. For a moment, it had felt like they were friends again, like nothing had ever gone wrong. Noelle had smiled at them so widely that Kris managed to smirk back, if only for a moment before they had been forced to stare intently at the opposite side of the room, lest they revealed the traitorous blush sneaking onto their face.
Halfway through what was turning out to be an otherwise unremarkable compilation of shaky found-footage and unintentionally comedic melodrama, the protagonist’s older sister went missing.
At first, Kris and Noelle might have seemed unbothered by this fact. It was after all, a pretty standard affair for a horror movie. Noelle had managed to crack a joke about how the sister’s acting was actually a lot better now that she wasn’t on-screen, to which Kris had hummed in assent. Ten minutes later what had been a regular flow of chatter and jokes at the movie’s expense had slowed to a nervous, one-sided commentary by Noelle on the various flaws of the plot. Another ten minutes and it was entirely silent except for the final act playing on the screen. The sister still hadn’t been found. Kris tried to focus on their breathing.
By the time the credits were rolling, Noelle was shedding tears. There was no post-credits scene or expectation the sister would be found in a sequel. She was just gone. Forever.
Kris couldn’t speak. All they could hear was Noelle’s quiet sobbing on the couch to their right. They couldn’t look at her, couldn’t speak, couldn’t even breath. They stood up and left the room. It was all their fault. Then they left the house, their legs carrying them home without thinking. They felt sick. They felt like they did when it happened. Their heart raced. This was all their fault. They crumbled into the corner of their room, back to the wall, trying to shrink into it. They shivered and failed to choke back tears.
After that, Kris didn’t speak for a few days, not to anyone. They didn’t speak to Noelle for weeks, despite her efforts.
Spring had eventually rolled around though, and with it, Noelle managed to sneak back into their life. She always did. Kris could keep her at arms length, but no further. There was no real way to avoid her in a town as small as Hometown, and more than that it seemed like no matter what happened, she insisted on putting herself in harm’s way, always trying to find excuses for Kris to let their guard down. Everything would be so much easier if Noelle would just leave them alone.
The classroom door slammed open and Kris’ train of thought was immediately derailed. It derailed so suddenly in fact, that they jumped in their chair, knees painfully colliding with the bottom of the desk, earning them a few strange looks from around the class, but nothing more than that. They unclenched their jaw – they had been gritting their teeth unconsciously. If it was anyone else grumbling an apology to Alphys for being late right now, Kris would be guaranteed at least some standard issue teenage cruelty, but mercifully, no one in the room wanted to draw the ire of Susie by engaging in it.
Kris considered their thoughts for a second, and decided to amend their inner monologue. Almost no one in the room wanted to draw the ire of Susie. They snickered at their own joke, but felt a bitter taste crawl into their mouth.
Susie was settling into the desk behind them, heavy footsteps replaced by the scraping of chair legs on the floor, then those replaced with some sort of snarling noise, which was probably aimed at Kris. They generally considered it best to ignore her in moments like this, resting their chin back onto their folded arms. Just because it seemed like they were going to have to stay awake for class this time around, it didn’t mean they couldn’t slouch.
“So, um, a-as I was saying, today we will be starting group projects for the human-monster relations section. It’s um, quite important because it makes up 40 percent of your, um, your history grade for the semester so, it could really make the difference between getting a passing grade and, um, not doing that,” Alphys lectured, tripping over her words. Sometimes Kris felt a little sympathy for her – speaking in front of a room of people clearly didn’t come naturally to her. It was sometimes a little funny watching her stumble though.
They didn’t have time to snicker at Alphys’ social anxiety though, not when their own social abilities were about to be tested. Kris racked their brain for partnering options. They hated group projects, there was so much more pressure when the work affected someone else. Never mind that that the someone-else in question might be a person they already didn’t get along with.
Catti was off the table as an option. She always partnered with Jockington, they were inseparable. If that wasn’t the case, she’d be by far the easiest to work with on stuff like this. Berdly had a similar issue, except it bothered Kris moderately less that he wasn’t available. Temmie had an arrangement with the school where she got to work alone on stuff like this, Kris didn’t really pay attention to the details of it, despite their jealously. Who else was left? Susie wasn’t really on the table as an option, more just a problem to avoid by picking someone else. Same with Noelle. Kris kicked themself — Alphys was wrapping up.
“Okay, that’s everything, I think. Um, feel free to go ahead and choose your – oh actually um, that’s wrong. S-sorry, everyone, actually there was a request from the school to use random groupings for this project, so you won’t actually be able to um, choose your partners.”
Huh?
For a moment, Kris wasn’t sure how to feel about this new development. If they had had a partner in mind it would suck, but they didn’t, so really all it did was relieve them from the pressure of choosing. Now they just had to hope they got stuck with someone decent. Some of the tension in their muscles dissipated.
“I’ll just check the um, groups you’re in, they’re written on here somewhere…” Alphys started tapping away at her keyboard. The list was probably in an email, which meant there’d be at least a minute between now and Alphys finding it. Kris didn’t have a detailed understanding of what was in Alphys’ inbox, but they had seen it in the corner of their eye while talking to her before, and it looked overwhelmingly messy.
Sparing a glance around the room, it seemed pretty clear that a few of the students were less thankful than Kris for their loss of choice regarding partners. MK was nervously tapping their foot, Catti seemed distinctly unenthused, Berdly was running his hand through his feathers, and Noelle... For a second it seemed like she was looking at Kris, but she wasn’t. She was looking behind them, at Susie. It was frustrating in a way. They knew what Noelle saw in her. Every so often Kris saw it too. There was a person behind those glowing yellow eyes who wasn’t enjoying the role they were playing. She didn’t act the way she did because she enjoyed hurting people.
That didn’t stop Susie from hurting people though. Even if deep down she wasn’t really a bad person, it apparently wasn’t enough to stop her from slamming Kris against lockers and treating them like dirt. Kris probably deserved that treatment, but it wouldn’t hurt quite so much if it didn’t seem like everyone else was okay with it.
Kris refocused their eyes and realised they were still looking directly at Noelle, who had noticed and was now staring straight back, head tilted somewhat. Kris blinked and averted their gaze. Thankfully, Noelle seemed willing to dismiss Kris’ mistake for now, and turned back to the front of the classroom, where it seemed like Alphys was ready to assign everyone their partners.
“Okay I have the, um, groups here, I’ll just go through them alphabetically and you can go to sit with your partner to start on your projects together. First pair is um, B-Berdly and Snowy,” Alphys cleared her throat and reached for the glass of water on her desk, but not before Berdly finally decided to speak up.
“A-hem, Ms Alphys, I wonder if there has, perhaps, been some sort of mistake? Noelle will surely struggle on this project without my intellectual support, for example! Maybe you could make an exception for us? In the spirit of academic fairness!” Berdly was obviously flustered by the unexpected change in plans. Kris thought he might actually stand up at his desk, but he seemed to have at least some restraint for now.
“Ah, um, s-sorry Berdly, I know it’s not the usual way we, um, do things, but the groups are already set, so…” Alphys was clearly uncomfortable drawing this line. Regardless, she continued, “If it um, makes you feel any better, you can all still work and cooperate with whoever you like outside of class?”
For a moment, it seemed like he might try to argue further, but before he could, Noelle spoke up, “It’s okay Berdly, I-I don’t mind having a different partner for once.”
Defeated, Berdly’s head swivelled to Noelle, then back to Alphys, then Noelle again. He seemed almost anxious about not being able to partner with Noelle. Kris thought he was probably overreacting. Snowy wasn’t too bad, even if it was in comparison with the smartest person in class. And Noelle would probably still help Berdly with his project outside of class if she could.
“I’ll um, read out the other pairings n-now. Next is Catti and MK,” Alphys announced. Catti and MK both seemed to sigh at the same time, albeit for very different reasons. Catti clearly didn’t see any reason to conceal her annoyance with the situation. MK just seemed relieved to have a partner they weren’t scared of.
Kris was a little disappointed, they were both decent enough people to work with and now they were both off the table. Who was left? They might end up with Susie... They didn’t have time to worry though, Alphys was already moving on.
“Okay and then, Jockington is with S-Susie. If that’s okay?” she looked between Jockington and Susie with an anxious look on her face. For a moment, Kris was relieved. Then they weren’t relieved. They had lost track of who was already assigned and tried to start going through a list in their head.
“Fine,” grumbled Susie.
“Doesn’t bother me coach, every game has, substitute players,” Jockington announced. Kris thought he was well equipped to handle Susie.
They had avoided the worst outcome, so why were they feeling so anxious all of a sudden? And why was Noelle looking at them like that? There was a sinking feeling in Kris’ stomach.
“And the um, last group is K-Kris and Noelle,” Alphys finished.
Somehow Kris hadn’t even considered the possibility. The announcement hit them like a truck. They would have taken Susie over this. Almost reflexively, they pinched themselves. Maybe they were dreaming? But they weren’t dreaming, and before Kris could think of an escape plan, everyone else was standing up and shifting desks through the room to sit next to their partner for the project. Noelle was looking at them again, a curious glint in her eye. Kris blankly stared back at her.
“Kris? Do you want me to come sit next to me? Or I can move! If that works better for you?” Noelle said it like it was the simplest thing in the world. If she was bothered, her efforts to hide that fact were flawless. Kris felt a need to shrink away from her voice. They had to calm down. They could handle this. Everything was fine.
“Um, I’ll move” they tried to keep their voice steady while they said it. Then they dragged themselves to their feet. There was nothing they could do to avoid this now, they just had to deal with it. Kris walked to the desk that was usually Berdly’s as though they were being marched to the gallows. Noelle pushed the desks together and spoke to them, smile beaming on her face, “Guess we didn’t have to worry about Berdly needing me for a partner after all, faha!”
Kris looked at her like she had just read out their last rites. Noelle seemed unbothered by their haunted expression however, continuing to speak without any apparent concern for Kris’ wellbeing.
“So, did you have an idea for the project Kris? We can come up with one together, if not I mean?”
Kris took a deep breath before answering. This was going to be a disaster.