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Tim Bradford doesn’t have bad feelings or he hasn’t had one in a very long time. It’s not that he doesn’t believe in them or think that even he, a veteran cop can’t have them. It’s just he trusts his instincts and usually nothing comes of it.
And as much as he doesn’t want to admit at least out loud: Celina is right. A bad feeling is a bad feeling and he should have insisted Lucy ride with him.
There was just a feeling deep in his gut that made his stomach tighten a little just thinking of Lucy in danger.
She’s been in danger before—with Caleb and she didn’t even realize he was dangerous at first. But Tim did.
He wanted to protect her. Always no matter what.
It’s not that he doesn’t think she can’t handle it because she can. He trained her after all and not only that but she has good natural instincts.
It’s the feeling he got when Isabel would be undercover and he couldn’t breathe until he saw her. He had it more recently with Lucy when she was undercover with Nyla. But then again that was different because it was more controlled.
This wasn’t.
She was out on patrol like every other day. She was with Celina who she trusted and he did too. But the quietness, the nothingness was just stirring something up in him.
It wasn’t good.
It was making feel a little panicked.
And he was stuck at the station in meetings.
He shifts in his seat and looks up but the other men in the room weren’t paying attention. They were talking about budgets.
He taps his pen on the notepad in front of him and then he flips through it just to distract himself. He gets to the middle of it and finds three words in Lucy’s handwriting.
I love you.
There’s a heart drawn next to it, and it makes his heart skip a beat. He has no idea when she wrote this. He has no idea if she snuck into the office or she found it in his bag.
But—
He traces the words with his finger, one by one. He gets to the u and has to take a deep breath. The feeling is back—the feeling that something is going to happen and he’s not there to protect her. To help her. He’s not there to keep her safe.
She’s okay.
She’s okay.
She has to be okay.
***
Tim gets out of the meetings and he feels like his entire day has passed by. He sets his stuff down on his desk and walks over when he hears her voice on the radio.
It was her telling control they were arriving at Westview. His heart sinks a little, Westview that wasn’t good.
The bad feeling was back.
“Whose missing? I have been in meetings all day.” He says. He just wants to hear her voice again even if the radio was cutting in and out.
“Miles. Harper and Nolan—” Lucy says. She says something else but it cuts out. He knows the reception is bad at Westview.
It makes his heart race a little more. The bad feeling is getting bigger. More intense.
“Repeat. You are cutting out.” Tim says and he hopes he can get to her. He hopes that this is nothing and she is going to pull out.
“Hold on.” She says. “We got movement.” Tim stares at the radio, and he knows this isn’t going to end well.
His heart is pounding in his chest, almost painfully so.
She can’t go in.
Something is wrong.
Something is wrong.
Tim listens and he has to stop himself from hurrying out the door. “We got a dead body.” Lucy says. The radio cackles. “We need backup.” Tim is frozen as he listens—he is frozen to his spot.
Something is wrong.
Something is wrong.
“Woah look out.” Lucy says. Tim doesn’t move. He doesn’t blink. “Stay there sir.” There’s a noise, the radio cackles and then there’s yelling. He hears them running and he’s immediately calling into the radio.
“Code Alpha Westview Hospital. I repeat Code Alpha all units Westview hospital.” Tim says and he’s already at his shop.
Oh god.
Oh god.
***
The drive to Westview is tortuous, all he can think about is Lucy running and yelling. All he can think about is if he had just insisted he ride with her.
Maybe this wouldn’t be happening.
Maybe she would be safe with him in the shop.
Maybe…
But now she was in the worst possible position.
He shakes his head, he couldn’t think of that especially when he was already feeling panicked.
He pulls up to Westview and he’s out of the shop, walking towards Nolan and not even noticing the bullets flying around him.
Lucy.
Lucy is his priority.
“Where’s Lucy?” He shouts. Nolan motions inside and he hurries towards the entrance. He needs to find her.
“Lucy?” He calls. “Lucy!” He hears movement and turns to see Celina behind him.
“Where?” Tim says softly. “Do you know where Lucy is?” Celina shakes her head and Tim blows out a breath.
“Lucy!” He calls again and the he hears her. It’s soft and feeble. It’s weak.
“Here!” She calls. “I’m over here.” Tim sees her, and then sees the dead body next to her and his heart sinks.
“Lucy.” He says. “Are you hurt?” She just stared at him. A lost almost dead look in her eyes.
“H-he’s dead.” She says. Tim looks at her and he wants nothing more than to pull her into his arms but he composes himself. He is the Watch Commander, he needs to act as such. He needs to give it to her straightforward.
She needs direction and this is the only way he can get her to think. She was in shock. He knows the feeling.
He knows the feeling of taking someone’s life and feeling the shock and adrenaline rush over him.
He looks at her, and takes note of her face. He asks her the right questions, he tells her like it is. She doesn’t react—it’s like she’s a robot on a timer.
Oh god.
He just wants to get her to the hospital, have Nolan talk to her and get her home. Safe in his arms.
Oh god.
***
Tim watches as Lucy moves around, he doesn’t take his eyes off of her. She doesn’t look like herself. She looks like a shell of herself, one that has been beaten down and hurt.
He doesn’t leave her side though, he’s not sure he can. He wants to do so much more than just watch her.
She won’t even look at him, even when his hands reached out for her. It was instinct and even though they try to keep it professional but—
He watches as she follows Nolan into an interrogation room. He watches as she sits down and his heart breaks.
He is as zoned as Lucy because next thing he knows Nolan is saying his name.
“She’s free to go Tim.” Nolan says softly. “Take her home.” Tim nods and looks over at Lucy. He pulls her in and presses a kiss to the top of her head.
The guilt of letting her go out, the guilt of not being there sets in and he pulls her away.
He just wants to rewind this whole fucking day.
***
Tim lays in bed with a very noticeable empty spot next to him. He sighs and swings his legs out of bed. He can’t take it anymore, he needs to be near her. He thought she would come to bed sooner rather than later but—
He starts making his way to the living room when he sees her coming almost like a zombie down the hallway.
“Hey.” He says quietly and she stops to look up at him. Her face is swollen, her eyes are full of tears. And his heart breaks a little. “Come here.” Lucy hesitates and then she steps forward and he pulls her into his arms. She’s shaking but she buries her face into his chest and he holds her tightly.
“It’s okay.” He mutters. He wishes he could press rewind on this day. He wishes he could be there for her when this happened. “It’s okay.” She doesn’t say anything so he just pulls her towards the bedroom.
He helps her into bed and then climbs in on the other side. She turns away from him, and he doesn’t pull her back.
At least she is right there.
At least he can reach out and touch her.
He stays facing her back, and watches as her shoulders tremble. He is about to close his eyes but then Lucy turns around to face him.
He pauses and reaches for her hand, she lets him take it. “When does it get better?” She whispers. Her voice is broken and his heart breaks all over again. “When do I stop—”
“You will get through this.” He says and he scoots closer. He drops her hand and put his on her face. “I know this is hard, I know this isn’t how you thought—”
“I didn’t want—he…” Her voice trembles a little over the words. Tim sighs they couldn’t talk about her case. As much as he wanted to tell her he knows it was self defense… he can’t.
“I know Lucy.” He says. “You will get through this okay? I promise and I’ll be right here okay?”
“Okay.”
“I love you.” He says. Lucy looks up at him with a heartbroken look on her face. Another wave of guilt washes over him.
“You do?” She asks. Tim’s not surprised by the question, trauma does different things and questioning whether someone loves you or not is one of them.
“Yes.” He says and he leans forward to give her a kiss on the cheek. “I do.” Lucy closes her eyes and a tear falls out of them.
“I love you too.” She says. Tim pulls her closer, he’s not sure if either of them will get sleep but it doesn’t matter.
They have each other, even if Lucy isn’t talking. Even if everything that happened hit her like a ton of bricks.
He would be there. He would be right by her side, loving her and supporting her. Just like she did with him.
“You are going to get through this Lucy.” He says. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Yeah?” She asks quietly. He nods and it’s silent for a few minutes before he is talking again.
“I’m sorry.” He says. Lucy looks at him, a little confused.
“For what?”
“I knew something was off—” He says. “When it’s too quiet it’s never good and I just—”
“It’s not your fault Tim.” Lucy says her voice firm. “You didn’t know.”
“But I knew—I knew something was off Lucy. I could feel. It was a bad feeling.” He says.
“Are you talking as my watch commander or boyfriend?” She asks. She reaches out to touch his cheek and continues before he can reply. “Because as my Watch Commander you are looking out for me.”
“As your boyfriend I want to protect you.” He finishes for her. She nods and searches his face. “I just—I can’t lose you.”
Lucy bites her lip and then this time leans forward to kiss him. She keeps her lips on his for a few minutes. “I know.” She whispers. “I can’t lose you either but we have to trust the other can do their job.”
“I trust you.” He says and he closes his eyes letting the day wash over him. It was a nightmare of a day, and even having her close to him almost wasn’t enough.
“I know you do.” She says and then she moves away from him. “I don’t trust myself anymore.” Tim sighs and pulls her back into his side. She doesn’t move away, or really move at all.
“You are going to be okay.” He says. “Eventually. And I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good.” Lucy mutters. “This is exactly what I need right now.” Tim hums softly and holds her close.
There was a rough road ahead of them but they would get through it no matter what.