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Phil gave a long sigh as the last scene of the final episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer started. Even if he’d watched it countless times, the ending always made him emotional. Absent-mindedly, he reached into a bag of Maltesers and put one in Dan’s mouth. Chewing and crunching were the only sounds his partner made in the past 2 hours. He was sprawled across the sofa, one leg hooked over the back cushion and his head resting in Phil’s lap, playing Mario Kart on the Switch and completely oblivious to everything except Phil’s fingers feeding him snacks.
“Motherfucker,” Dan muttered, pushing the buttons hard with his thumbs. Phil looked over only to see that Dan was in the second-last place.
End credits rolled, and Phil posted an Instagram story.
finished Buffy again 😭 best show
“Are you all done packing, bub?” Phil asked while typing, but Dan didn’t hear him over the AirPods in his ears.
“Bear?” Phil tried again.
Dan huffed irritably as one of the players threw a banana peel under his wheels just before the finish line. The race ended with him in the 3rd place.
“Dan!” Phil said, much louder.
Dan flinched and pulled one of the earbuds out. “What?”
“Are you ready for tomorrow?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” Dan said, yawning into his fist.
Phil leaned back against the cushions, smiling down at Dan and playing with his fluffy curls.
“What?” Dan said and put the Switch down, blushing slightly. His mouth stretched into a shy grimace that showed off his dimples.
“Nothing. Just looking at something cute,” Phil said, his voice low and gentle. His free hand cupped Dan’s jaw.
“Cold!” Dan squirmed away from the touch, making Phil giggle.
“Should we go to bed? I’ll warm up my hands and then try again, hm?” he suggested, his palm slowly sliding down Dan’s chest and stomach covered with a black t-shirt.
Dan’s breath hitched with anticipation. He agreed and got up slowly, careful not to get dizzy. He padded to the bedroom to grab a towel and almost tripped over Phil’s carry-on suitcase. He huffed and picked it up.
“What the fuck,” he muttered – the suitcase was heavier than he expected, but he didn’t bother investigating. They needed to be up early, and if he wanted to make time for some fun in bed, he needed to hurry. So he just set the suitcase by the wall and continued his bathroom mission.
***
Phil opened his eyes the second his phone started playing a light piano melody precisely at 4:15 AM. He tapped his phone screen a few times to turn on the lamp on his side to a low setting. Dan was fast asleep next to him, curled up, arm under his pillow, lips slightly parted. Phil watched him for a minute or two, then, worried that he might fall back asleep, squeezed Dan’s arm.
“Dan, wake up,” he said, but received no response. He tried to shake Dan, lightly at first, then a bit more roughly. “Dan, come on.”
“Stop it, leave me alone!” Dan whimpered, hiding his face in his arm to shield his eyes from the dim light.
“You have to get up, bear. Or we won’t make our flight,” Phil said.
“Ugh. Alright, fine,” Dan said, rolling over and reaching for his phone.
Phil hurried to the kitchen to make them both coffee and a quick breakfast. They had just a little over thirty minutes to get out of the front door. After downing his coffee in one go and eating a few heaping spoonfuls of dry cereal, he took a quick shower, and when he returned to the bedroom, he found Dan asleep with his phone next to his hand.
“Dan, I’m not playing this morning,” he said and grabbed the duvet.
“No!” Dan gripped the fabric and pulled it closer to his body. “Can we just stay home? I’m so tired.”
“We’re going on holiday. Get out of bed right now,” Phil said sternly. Dan peeked over the edge of the duvet with the most miserable frown on his face.
“You’re mean,” he complained.
Phil sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed.
“What’s up with you, bear? Are you sick?” he asked softly.
“No, I just want to sleep,” Dan whined. “Alright, I’m getting up now, see?” He rolled to the edge of the bed and sat up, looking as dishevelled as ever.
“Fair warning, if you lie down again, I’ll drag you out of bed by your ankle. We need to leave in seventeen minutes. Go have breakfast, I’ll get dressed and bring everything downstairs.”
Dan nodded and shuffled to the kitchen, almost falling into his bowl of cereal. He sipped his coffee and watched Phil out of the corner of his eye as he hauled his own suitcases down the stairs.
“I’ll leave without you if you don’t hurry,” Phil said and beelined to the breakfast bar on his way back to the bedroom, only to playfully smack Dan’s butt.
“Uh, excuse yourself,” Dan said dryly, scrolling on his phone. Silence fell for a few moments, until…
“DANIEL JAMES HOWELL, YOU DIDN’T PACK?!” Phil yelled.
“Shit,” Dan muttered before Phil stomped out of the bedroom.
“Are you actually joking?”
“I… packed my backpack,” Dan said slowly, remembering how he meant to pack his big suitcase before bed but then Phil’s soft hands and warm breath on his skin lulled him to sleep so easily…
Phil took a deep breath. “Alright. Finish your breakfast and go get ready. I’ll pack your clothes.”
“The hell you–”
“We have ten minutes to get out of the front door, Dan,” Phil said and, not waiting for any more protests, grabbed Dan’s empty suitcase and dragged it to Dan’s closet. He picked some of Dan’s favourite holiday pieces, because he still loved him, but also some short shorts and the most colourful things he found, because he deserved a pleasant view after the morning he was having. Then he threw in some socks, underwear, the first two pairs of shoes he got his hands on and zipped the suitcase. Whatever else Dan needed, they could buy.
Phil wheeled Dan’s suitcase to the front door, and after a quick look at his phone, he found out that the time was officially up.
“Dan, hurry,” he shouted. No response.
“Dan, acknowledge that you’re nearly ready!”
Silence.
Phil jogged up the stairs.
“Dan, where are you?” he called, then heard water running in the bathroom. He pushed the handle, but the door was locked.
“Dan, I’m ordering Uber,” Phil said.
“No!” Dan cried. “I just got into the shower.”
“We have to go!”
“Well, I’m sweaty and sticky from last night!” Dan retorted.
Phil took a deep breath. “Dan, I swear, if we miss that flight,” he said, but Dan probably didn’t even hear him.
Twenty minutes later, Dan emerged from the bathroom in Phil’s dressing gown, followed by a hot cloud of steam. Phil was almost ready to climb up a wall. He was pacing the room out of sheer restlessness, trying to burn off some of that energy so he wouldn’t snap at Dan.
“I’m sorry. I’ll finish my breakfast, get dressed and…” he trailed off when he saw Phil’s feral expression. “…bad timing? I’ve finished it already, I promise,” Dan said and scurried off down the stairs to grab some comfy airport clothes from the other bedroom. He pulled on his Phantasy Land jumper, a pair of baggy joggers, and the sneakers he’d left by the front door the day before.
“Ready?” he asked, unlocking the door.
“Wait, my contact feels weird,” Phil called from the top of the stairs.
“Just take them out and wear your glasses. You’re much sexier with them, anyway,” Dan said.
Five minutes later, they finally hauled their luggage to the curb.
“Dan, where’s your Doomed hat?” Phil asked, rubbing the back of his head.
“Headache?” Dan asked.
“Starting,” Phil admitted.
“I’ll go get it,” Dan said and slipped back inside. Phil tapped his phone screen to order an Uber. Dan returned and positioned the hat on Phil’s head just the way he always did to prevent a headache.
“Did you check that everything’s unplugged?” Phil asked.
“Phil, come on, we’ll be late for real.”
“I’ll go check. Call me if the Uber arrives before I’m back,” Phil said and headed back to the house, ignoring Dan’s protests. Ten minutes later, Dan helped the driver load their luggage, and Phil was nowhere to be seen. Dan dialled his number.
“Phil, I swear, if you fell and got hurt,” he said when Phil picked up.
“I’m on my way,” Phil said and hung up.
Finally, in the Uber and on the road, they joined the sluggish morning London traffic.
“Should have headed out half an hour ago, lads,” the driver said cheerfully. “This is going to take a while.”
Phil glared at Dan but said nothing. Dan sighed and intertwined their fingers.
“I’m sorry I was being difficult,” he muttered. “I’ll make it up to you when we get there.”
Phil sighed and squeezed Dan’s hand. “You’re fine, bub.”
Dan rested his head on Phil’s shoulder, watching him scroll down his Twitter feed while the car slowly moved through the streets of London.
“Are they going green yet?” he asked and closed his eyes.
“No, apparently they’re doing flower crowns now, look,” Phil said, turning the screen towards Dan.
“That’s nice,” he muttered, slowly drifting off to sleep.
They arrived at Heathrow with only about an hour left before take-off.
“We won’t make it,” Phil said.
“Shush and walk.” Dan, powered up by his quick nap in the Uber, took charge. He managed to drop off their large suitcases in record time by sneaking into the priority lane and then dragged Phil through the crowd towards security. Luckily, it wasn’t too busy, and soon enough, it was their turn. Dan and his backpack passed without issues, so he walked over to the end of Phil’s lane to wait for his carry-on. Phil was picked for a random swab, and that was when Dan began to glance at his watch nervously.
Just as the security officer released Phil, his suitcase emerged from the scanner, and another officer pulled it off the belt.
“Whose bag is this?” she asked.
Phil raised his hand and stepped closer. Dan followed.
“Is there a problem?” Dan asked.
“Sir, please open the suitcase,” the employee said monotonously, ignoring Dan. Phil did as he was told, side-glancing at Dan, who clearly noticed guilt in Phil’s eyes. The employee pushed aside a hoodie on top, revealing the golden pig in all its glory.
“Phil, for fuck’s sake!” Dan snapped. “I knew it was heavier than usual.”
The employee turned the pig around and found the broken, haphazardly glued-together back side.
“What happened here?” she asked, looking up at Phil.
“Erm, I dropped it,” Phil said.
“Look, sir, if it were in one piece, I would let you go, but this…” she said, examining the broken parts.
“Are you saying that he’s smuggling something in that pig’s ass?” Dan asked flatly.
“I’m not saying that, but there’s protocol to follow. I have to take it to the office for another scan. You can wait here.” And off she went with Phil’s beloved pig.
“Why? Why, Phil, why?” Dan gestured exasperatedly. “Just why?”
“My chi–” Phil stopped himself before saying child, remembering he wasn’t on camera talking to his audience. He stared at the door through which the lady disappeared. “I have to get it back.”
“No, Phil. No. We have twenty-five minutes before take-off. So about five minutes before boarding ends,” Dan said and zipped up Phil’s suitcase. The other employees paid them no more attention. Dan grabbed the suitcase, Phil’s hand, and dragged both towards the large departure board to find their gate. They speed-walked through the crowd and made it at the very last minute.
“My pig,” Phil said miserably, looking at Dan with big, sad eyes after the plane soared into the air.
“Good riddance,” Dan muttered.
“Dan!”
“I’m sorry, Phil, but why would you even bring that fuckass pig on holiday?”
“It was my emotional support pig,” Phil said.
“Aww, bub. I thought I was your emotional support pig,” Dan said, nuzzling Phil’s neck with his nose, pretending to sniff him aggressively, and making pig noises. Phil giggled and turned his head for a long, tender kiss.
“We just kissed on a plane full of people,” he whispered only for Dan to hear, gently touching his face. Dan smiled and hugged Phil as tightly as he could with them both strapped to their seats.
“I love you, Phil. I love you so fucking much, okay? Let’s have the best holiday ever.”
***
“Phil, what the hell!” Dan whined, rummaging through his suitcase. “Did you throw in every single colourful item of clothing that I own?”
“Be thankful that I didn’t pack you my dinosaur shorts,” Phil sang, fluffing up his hair in the mirror. He was freshly showered and wearing his favourite Rodent Boy Summer t-shirt, loose orange shorts with flowers on them, and slip-on sneakers.
“What am I supposed to do with this?” Dan complained, having only put on his underwear so far. Phil walked over to his suitcase and grabbed a pair of denim shorts, a white tank top, and the red-and-yellow shirt from the Dan and Phil Dress Each Other video.
“Put these on. I deserve it for the morning I’ve had,” he said.
“You deserve me dressed up like a pass-around bottom in Miami?” Dan drawled in utter disbelief.
“Yes. Because you love me and you want to soothe my emotional wounds. I’ve just lost my child.”
“Ugh,” Dan moaned. “Alright, fine. Fine.”
After Dan got dressed, they left the hotel and took a short walk to the city centre of their holiday destination. Phil quickly cheered up at the sight of the centuries-old buildings and charming small businesses. He took hold of Dan’s hand, entwining their fingers and gently swaying their hands back and forth as they walked, stopping now and then to admire the shop windows. There was an antique shop, a bookshop, a bakery… he made mental notes of the shops he wanted to explore later.
“We’re holding hands in public,” Dan said suddenly, his voice low and cracking lightly with emotion.
“We are, bear,” Phil said, squeezing Dan’s hand and pulling him closer for a kiss. “And now we kissed in pu–Dan, look!”
“What?” Dan replied, looking around in alarm.
“There!” Phil exclaimed and, still holding Dan’s hand, pointed at a window of a home décor shop.
“Oh, fuck me!” Dan groaned, noticing at once what caught Phil’s attention. Phil turned to him, chewing on his lips excitedly. Right in the middle of the shop window, basking in the early afternoon sunshine, stood a golden pig, almost identical to the old one.
“Dan. Dan, please. Please, please, please,” Phil said, bouncing on his feet.
Dan pretended to sob in despair, then sighed. “Yes, alright, I’ll buy it for you. You deserve it for some reason, I guess.”
“Right now?”
“Yes…”
“Aw, thank you, babe.”
“Twat.”
“Bitch,” Phil smiled, kissing Dan’s knuckles.
“Yours, though.”
“Mine.”