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A photo album. This started because of a stupid photo album made by some stupid people, who were in their stupid 20’s, doing stupid things. Nemuri found it in her attic because the wretched thing technically belonged to her. Most of the photos were taken by her. Shouta knew vaguely of its existence. He remembered being in his early 20’s and seeing Nem constantly carrying around an old camera. What he didn’t remember was what exactly she had caught on it.
A few weeks ago Nemuri had been over at their house for dinner. Hizashi was making some new recipe and he was extremely excited for everyone to try it. Everyone except Shouta who would eat pretty much anything Hizashi put on his plate.
Shouta had been thoroughly exhausted at work that day. It was a Saturday which meant unfortunately there were many different types of people all out at once. People that truly should never mix. His Saturday had been spent breaking up fights outside of bars and stopping petty robberies. He’d been doing things that most heroes would deem beneath their status. It was all the same to Shouta however, if people needed help he helped them. If there was a fight that could lead to something worse he would step in.
And after an entire shift of doing that the man was exhausted. He, Hizashi, and Nemuri were sitting at the table. Shouta sat on the end while Nem and Zashi faced each other. Truth be told, Shouta wasn’t paying much attention to the conversation between the two. The kids were out staying over at Izuku’s house for a sleepover so it was just the three of them for dinner. And Nemuri and Hizashi could talk for hours on end with no breaks for air while Shouta made minor contributions to the conversation. They’d been discussing Nemuri’s move and planning out when they’d be coming over to help when Nemuri said she had something she thought they should have. She pulled a medium sized navy blue photo album out of her purse and handed it straight to Hizashi.
Shouta watched his husband's demeanor change the second he opened it. It was a small movement, one you’d only notice if you had the kind of relationship he and Hizashi have. A long complicated relationship with years of pain and struggle that turned into years of bliss and happiness. It was a subtle drop of the shoulders, a breath that he sucked in too quickly, the beginnings of a frown that instantly lost to a nostalgic smile that was a little too wide.
Hizashi smiled and remarked something quick about how young they were in whatever photo he was looking at and then he quickly closed the book and laid it face down as he offered to walk Nemuri to the door, his steps a bit too mechanical for Shouta’s liking. Shouta began to clean off the table. He didn’t pick up the photo album.
Hizashi chatted to Nemuri at the door for quite a while before coming into the kitchen just as Shouta was washing the last couple of dishes, stopping right next to him. Hizashi leaned with his back to the counter. He didn’t say anything. Shouta knew Hizashi noticed that he noticed. If he didn’t he would’ve said something by now. But he didn’t. Shouta knew he wouldn’t. Despite Hizashi being the voice hero and consistently being the loudest person in the room, he was always careful about what noise he’d make when he was upset. If he was sad he cried and suffered silently as if the entire world would collapse if he made a sound. When he was angry the entire room would hear about it because he couldn't be silent to save his life.
Right now he was silent. Shouta didn’t press. He asked only once if Zashi wanted to talk and the man refused with a silent gesture of his hand. So they didn’t talk about it. Shouta grabbed Hizahi’s hand and led him to their bedroom. They took a long hot shower together and laid down to sleep.
— — —
That night was what led him to this moment. Aizawa Shouta wasn’t a man of many tears but one photo album was all it took for him to break down in quiet sobs in his living room. He hadn’t really been meaning to open it but he could only resist for so long. After all its contents had stunned his husband, one of the strongest people he knew, into silence. So while doing some spring cleaning he opened it.
The first page he saw must’ve also been the first page Hizashi saw. It was a small book so each page contained two photos. The photos on this page were taken at a bar. Hizashi, Shouta and Tensei all stood together in the picture, Hizashi in the middle with Shouta and Tensei on either side of him. At first Shouta couldn’t tell what the problem was with these pictures. They looked normal enough. When they were all younger they’d all go on bar crawls together occasionally. It took Shouta paying a little more attention to the photos to notice exactly what night this was.
In the photos, clearly taken back to back, Hizashi looked off. He was smiling in the photos but it wasn’t his real smile, or his Present Mic smile, it was a smile Shouta had unfortunately come to know very well. He was drunk. Shouta could see it now in the way his eyelids were drooping and how in the second photo Tensei seems to be looking at him weirdly. He could tell because Hizashi had sweat through his shirt in the photo. His skin was pale and he looked too thin to be a pro hero. Shouta looked at his younger self as well, the way his jaw was clenched and his eyes were narrowed. Younger Shouta looked annoyed, which was pretty on brand for that time in his life but Shouta could easily guess the specific reason he was annoyed that night.
All of a sudden Shouta remembered that night. Shouta had been in many life threatening situations in his life but the night this photo was taken was one of the scariest of his life.
He remembered Hizashi throwing his arms around himself and Tensei. He remembered that Hizashi had thrown his body weight on them too hard. He remembered how cold Hizashi’s arms felt against them and that was why Tensei was looking at him weird. He remembered a little while after that photo was taken when Hizashi had been sitting next to him at the bar. He had slurred that he was gonna walk to the bathroom. He remembered Hizashi’s freezing cold hand patting him on the shoulder as he got up from the bar. He remembered how pale and sickly he looked, his blond hair looked brown where it was soaked through from cold sweat. He remembered how he was so annoyed that Hizashi had gotten so drunk that he didn’t offer to help him walk. He remembered hearing the haunting thud as Hizashi’s body hit the ground.
Hizashi had started seizing the second he hit the ground and for all the training Shouta had he felt absolutely helpless. Watching his friend seize and jerk around uncontrollably on the dirty floor of some seedy bar. Hizashi’s hair fanned out on the floor and his eyes stuck somewhere between open and closed. His body was convulsing so violently the image is still burned into Shouta’s brain. He still sees this moment in his nightmares to this day.
Tensei had immediately jumped into action turning him on his side and Nemuri quickly called for an ambulance. Shouta did his best to move all of the furniture away from him. By the time the ambulance arrived Hizashi wasn’t seizing anymore. They had brought him outside and sat him down on the curb to wait for the ambulance in the cool night air. Shouta sat next to him desperately trying to give him water. Although he wasn’t actually drinking much of it, most of it went down his t-shirt as he stared off at nothing with green eyes so empty they looked gray.
He was rushed to the hospital, and diagnosed with alcohol poisoning. Shouta knew about alcohol poisoning. Even at that point in his career he had some unfortunate experience with it. Shouta also knew about Hizashi’s drinking at the time. He knew his friend had turned to the bottle a bit after Oboro’s death. He had heard the stories of Present Mic being featured at raves and concerts as a special guest. He knew that Hizashi and Nemuri had a tendency to go out and party. He knew all the stories about how Present Mic could drink gallons of liquor and not feel a thing. He saw all the footage that has now been scrubbed from the internet of his future husband getting into drunken fights with paparazzi. He knew all of this but it just didn’t click to him before this night that Hizashi had a real problem. A life threatening problem.
At this point in their lives he and Hizashi weren’t on the best of terms. There was no bad blood between them, there just wasn’t the closeness that they had when they were dating in high school. Their relationship had fizzled out of existence after Oboro. Hizashi had tried with all his might to get Shouta to open up but he wouldn’t. Hizashi would flood his phone with voicemails when he wouldn’t answer and he’d always come over Shouta’s house just to get ignored and turned away. But eventually they graduated and Hizashi studied abroad in America for two years and they had gotten distant.
The night these photos were taken was the night Hizashi almost took his own life. He had drank so much alcohol the day leading up to their little bar crawl and then proceeded to down every single drink handed to him in the night that the alcohol in his bloodstream began to affect his brain and heart.
Shouta truly almost lost him. He almost lost the one ray of sunshine in a sea of gloomy clouds, he almost lost the one person who could make him laugh out loud, the only person who could cheer him up when he was down. The only person to continuously check on him after what happened to Oboro. The person that had unknowingly saved his life countless amounts of time. And he would’ve died in silence with Shouta right next to him. His friend– no his. . . his Zashi needed him for who knows how long and he wasn’t there. He read the scathing things people wrote, he got all the drunk phone calls from America, he watched Hizashi spiral and did nothing to even try to help.
He knew why these photos caused that reaction in his husband. This was the turning point. When the people around him realized he had a problem, and stopped at nothing to get him help. Shouta remembers how angry Hizashi had gotten when he told him he needed to go to rehab. He’d yelled so loud he almost took their entire apartment building down and he went out to drink some more. It took a while but eventually he agreed it seemed the only person who could help him was the one person who hadn’t been taking his problem seriously. Shouta was the only person who could get through to Hizashi in the end.
Shouta shut the photo album. He quickly rubbed the tears from his eyes and jumped to his feet practically running to his husband's music room. Hizashi was sitting on the couch with Eri and he seemed to be showing her how to play a song on his guitar. Both of their heads snapped up as Shouta opened the door. There was a beat of silence where Hizashi just stared at him, probably wondering if he had lost his eye drops considering his eyes were probably red from crying.
“Need something babe?”
Hizashi smiled. The smile that lit up Shouta’s entire life. He looked like a painting. His eyes were bright and clear. There was no slurring in his words. He wasn’t sweating or freezing. There was no anger or sadness in his gaze, just amused curiosity. His arms actually filled out his t-shirt. He looked good.
Shouta thought back to the version of himself in those photos, he wished he could show that kid this. He wished he could tell his younger self that there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. That he would meet his boyfriend again. His loud, energetic, creative, fun beautiful boyfriend from UA would become his husband. He wished he could tell that version of himself that Hizashi would survive, the road would be hard, it would honestly feel impossible but they’d get through it. And eventually he would see the man sitting in front of him with their daughter in his lap utterly confused as to why Shouta was staring at him.