Work Text:
They had this planned all week. Ena would come over, they’d hang out, work on their next MV for N25.
So why did Mizuki feel like she was going to vomit?
Maybe it was the thought of letting someone see her so vulnerable. Obviously, Ena had seen her at one of her lowest points. And that’s what confused her. Mizuki had spilled practically everything out to Ena that day. The day where Ena clawed and screamed her way to stay by Mizuki’s side, despite the animator’s protests.
What others believed to be disgusting, or something that should be hidden with shame, Ena accepted with open arms, like it was nothing. It was as easy as breathing to her.
Above all, Ena was the most compassionate, kindhearted person Mizuki had ever crossed paths with. No one had ever accepted her like Ena did, at least other than her family. But no one had ever dared to chase Mizuki like that. No one dared to stop her from running until Ena.
Because Ena loved her. Ena cared.
That day, the words they shared with each other, the promise to stay together. There were so many feelings.
And Ena was her girlfriend now. Mizuki could barely believe that. She already could hardly believe that anyone would want to be friends with her after discovering her secret, let alone wanting to be with her romantically.
But Ena did. The rest of N25, too. They all loved her like nothing else mattered.
So why did having Ena here feel so… terrifying?
She was quickly brought back to reality when she heard a knock on her door. Once she zoned back in, she realized she had been pacing the whole time. Yikes.
She grabbed the doorknob practically right as soon as Ena knocked and almost swung the door open.
And she was met with the eyes of her girlfriend, who quickly met Mizuki with a big hug. One that sent the heat of Ena’s affection all throughout her body.
Ena squeezed her and whispered.
“I missed you.”
Ah. That was what she was afraid of.
She was afraid of that love she’d been given.
The vulnerability that came with letting someone see her at her weakest moments. The vulnerability of being cared for, held, and adored.
That was what she feared.
Once the girls had settled, Mizuki dragged Ena into watching MiraMagi with her for a few hours. Ena had complained, but it was a completely empty complaint, as Ena would do anything to spend as much time as she could with the girl she held so dear to her heart.
Eventually, it hit 25:00, and they decided to finally work on the MV.
Kanade had decided to cancel the call tonight so that Mafuyu could study, and so Mizuki and Ena could enjoy their time together, but they all knew that Kanade wouldn’t cease her composing either way.
Ena had finished her part, and Mizuki was working on the animations, when she was suddenly hit with some… weird feeling.
It felt like sinking. It felt both familiar and different.
Staring.
But not the kind of staring she was used to. It was a different kind of staring. She could see out of the corner of her eye. The affectionate look of Ena who was fully engulfed in the flames of love.
Mizuki wasn’t sure what she had done to deserve this.
She could feel it. It burned.
Ena’s eyes were locked onto her. A gaze so loving, tender, and full of affection.
She felt ill.
It was too sweet for her to handle.
She tried her best to act like she didn’t know, like she was just too focused on making the music video. But she knew. And worst of all, she could feel it deep in her bones. It was suffocating. Her lungs refused to cooperate.
Ena looked at her like she was art. She was dissecting every one of Mizuki’s layers of thoughts and feelings. Ena saw who she truly was. It was horrifying. She could see how much of a disaster she was. And yet she stayed anyway. Ena thought her flaws were beautiful. Something to be treasured.
But Mizuki? Mizuki thought everything about herself was disgusting. How could she be capable of love? How could she deserve to love others, or to be loved by others herself? She caused trouble. That’s all she was known for. She skipped school, she ran from her problems, she even forced Ena to chase her down past her limits and worried the rest of N25 along with it.
So really, what could she have done to deserve any of it?
Ena was beautiful. Ena was everything Mizuki could’ve hoped for, even if she felt selfish for it. Ena was caring, despite everything she’d gone through. Ena chose to love her, and to stay with her no matter what. Even if Mizuki was difficult or got on her nerves, Ena stayed. Because Mizuki meant something.
But why? How could someone like her, someone so… wrong, and broken… be deserving of something like this, especially from Ena?
The silence was awkward, to say the least. Mizuki could barely focus on her work. Her movements on the laptop became slow, messy, unorganized. She kept up her mask, but she quickly realized that it wouldn’t last long. Not with Ena. Ena knew her too well. She had to come up with something.
She stood up. A little abruptly, but she hoped Ena wouldn’t notice. Her body was shaking, but she kept her composure, at least the best she could.
“Ahaha… I need the restroom. Try not to set anything on fire while I’m gone, Enanan~” she teased, before practically sprinting out of the room.
Ena’s brain quickly tuned back in, not fully processing that she had been staring. She tilted her head slightly in confusion as Mizuki bolted out of the room, but nodded nonetheless.
Mizuki wasn’t sure what to do.
She had reached the bathroom and just sat on the floor. Her mind was racing with too many things at once. She could barely breathe. Everything in her was on fire. She was crying before she even knew it. She felt terrible.
She wasn’t even sure how long she’d been in there. She just wished she could get away from it all.
All Mizuki wanted was to be able to love without fear. Why couldn’t she do that? It was so obvious Ena loved her too. Why did she have to keep stressing Ena out? Why did she have to keep messing everything up?
Why did she have to be so stupid?
A knock.
“Hey… Mizuki…? It’s been a while, are you alright?” chimed the voice of the beautiful artist that she had been attempting to avoid.
Oh no.
She quickly gathered herself, or at least tried to.
She wiped away whatever tears she could, and stood up. She moved towards the door and opened it hesitantly.
And she was quickly met with the extremely concerned gaze of her beloved Ena Shinonome. The panic set in once again.
“Heeyyy, Ena… Um… Sorry, I think- maybe I just ate something that upset my stomach or somethi-...” She cut herself off. Ena was just quiet. The look on her face invited Mizuki into warmth. She wanted so badly to accept it. But she was scared.
Ena still said nothing. She took one of Mizuki’s hands.
Those unspoken words. Her eyes, her expression, the way she took Mizuki’s hand. It said everything she had said before.
You don’t have to tell me right now. But let me care for you. Don’t run this time. I’m here.
She wanted to cry so badly. To fall into Ena’s arms and just let out everything. But she couldn’t. She wasn’t worthy of that. And surely Ena wouldn’t want that either, right?
Ena squeezed her hand, grounding her again. No words were spoken, only patience and kindness radiated off of her. Ena’s presence was welcoming. It was warm.
They got to Mizuki’s room, but the silence was deafening. The pair had settled on sitting on Mizuki’s bed. Still nothing was said, but Ena delicately pulled Mizuki towards her, holding the pink-haired girl gently.
Oh, how Mizuki desperately wanted to lean into it. To let herself indulge, to let herself accept that warmth that Ena and her other groupmates (or rather, girlfriends) so graciously give her without any hesitation.
But to do so would mean risking everything. What if it was the wrong time? What if they didn’t want it? What if she did it and they ended up hating her?
Tears started welling up again. Ena had definitely noticed, based on the fact that she quickly lifted Mizuki’s head to face her. Ena wiped her tears and placed a kiss on her forehead. The tender love and care only made Mizuki cry more.
“I’m so sorry Ena, I just- I…” she trailed off as everything finally caught up to her. She broke into sobs that shook her entire body and broke Ena’s heart into a million pieces. Ena only pulled her closer and stroked her hair carefully.
“Take your time, Mizuki. Please don’t push yourself.” whispered the one who Mizuki would consider an angel sent from heaven. Really, how could someone as amazing as Ena adore someone like her?
But Mizuki couldn’t keep it in anymore. Ena was offering her so much love, attention, patience. She couldn’t keep this from her. She wanted- no, she needed- to stop running. She loved Ena. And Ena loved her just as much, maybe even more. She always felt it, especially in moments like these. Ena never pressured her or said bad things about her. Ena never talked behind her back or lied to her face. Ena was honest. Ena felt nothing but fondness for the broken and beautiful mess that was Mizuki Akiyama.
Ena was nothing like those people in the past. Ena was special.
Ena patiently waited until Mizuki calmed down, not losing her hold on her girlfriend.
“I’m sorry… for trying to hide things again. It’s just… a lot. And it’s a bit difficult for me to put into words.”
Ena only looked at her with pure adoration. “It’s okay, Mizuki. It’s always okay. You’re alright. You told me on that day that you might have your moments, right? It’s already an amazing amount of progress that you’re able to talk to me like this at all, isn’t it?”
“Ah..” Mizuki tripped on her own words. Ena’s warmth was almost too much.
“Ehehe… Ena’s going all soft on me, huh?”
“Oh, you dummy. Shut up!” Ena retorted. But there was no anger. In fact, she was grinning like an absolute idiot, as she suddenly tugged Mizuki down onto the bed, sending both of them into fits of laughter.
It really was okay. Ena wanted to have these moments with her. Those moments full of stupid giggling, jokes, teasing, and care.
Every instinct inside Mizuki was screaming. Her whole body told her to run, to get away, to leave and prevent herself from hurting Ena with her stupidity. But neither of them wanted that.
She fought everything her brain was yelling at her and let herself melt into Ena’s hold, nuzzling into her chest.
It was warm. Ena was warm.
Everything felt warm. And soft. And comforting.
She felt loved. And it was okay for her to reciprocate.
Mizuki closed her eyes for a moment, relishing the feeling.
Her heart is overwhelmed with all of it.
“I love you.”
She felt Ena jolt a bit at that, which earned her a giggle from Mizuki.
Ena definitely did not find the words unwelcoming, though.
Mizuki sat up to face her girlfriend, looking her in the eyes. Ena’s face was definitely red.
“Awww, is Enanan getting all flustered? You say the same stuff to me all the time!” Mizuki pestered.
“Eh- you just- you don’t say it nearly as much as I do! That’s all! What do you expect?!”
Oh.
Does Ena think that she doesn’t love her? Does Ena expect more? Does Ena-
“Mizuki.” Ena suddenly had a very serious expression, still laced with that admiration from earlier.
Apparently Mizuki’s worry was immediately written all over her face.
“No, I- I’m sorry. I really should say it more, I should show it more, I-”
Ena sat up next to Mizuki, taking Miuzki’s left hand in hers and placing her right on Mizuki’s face. The sudden touch stopped Mizuki in her tracks.
“You don’t need to push yourself, Mizuki. This is new to you. You’ve been through hell and back just to get here, and I’m not about to throw that away just because you haven't healed within a few weeks. I know you love me, you’ve shown it in your own way. And I love you too. That’s why it’s okay. So please, stop worrying yourself.”
Mizuki just stared in awe.
It felt like all the other times Ena had told her off. Well, not her, more like her brain when it was being stupid. But she always looked and felt so sure of herself. Like there was nothing else to it.
Because there wasn’t. What she said was how she felt. And that was that. There were no hidden meanings or malicious undertones behind any of it. Mizuki could feel that, and Ena had told her many times as well.
She smiled.
“Thank you, Ena.”
They sat staring into each others eyes for a moment.
It was like there was nothing else, or no one else. It was just them, and this moment.
Just shared feelings, connected hearts, and nothing more.
And then Ena kissed her.
Mizuki was absolutely taken aback. She probably should’ve expected it, considering she was thinking the same, but it was still a bit of a surprise nonetheless.
But Mizuki accepted it, of course, without hesitation this time.
Once everything calmed down, they put on some random show Mizuki had already watched a million times on. Just for background noise, Mizuki couldn’t sleep without it.
They were laying on Mizuki’s bed, Ena holding the other girl with the utmost care. Both of them were pretty much about to fall asleep.
“I didn’t say it earlier, but… I love you too, Mizuki. More than you’ll ever know.” the artist whispered.
Mizuki chuckled sleepily.
“Thank you for everything, Enanan.”
Perhaps things might get bad in the future. Maybe Mizuki will want to run away again. But right now, Mizuki just wanted to enjoy this moment, now, in the present. With Ena.