Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It was right before practice that he noticed the email, he didn’t have the time - nor the will - to read it all at the moment but he quickly scanned the top part and grinned to himself.

“What are you laughing about now?” Wyatt asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

Ilya let out a small chuckle as he shook his head and put his phone away, “Wouldn’t you like to know, goalie-boy?”

“You’re way too old to use memes out loud, man. We’ve talked about it,” Bood complained, but Luca (not the youngest of the group anymore but still younger than most) had snickered at Ilya’s silly reference and he took that as a win.

“Luca found it funny.”

“Luca still has some hero worship leftover,” rebutted Bood.

“Luca would like to be excluded from this narrative,” the younger man joked.

“Alright, then back to Rozy,” Wyatt pointed at the area of his cubby where Ilya had deposited his phone, “what’s up with that? You haven’t grinned at your phone like that and been so mysterious about it since before Hollzy joined us.”

“You’ve discovered my dirty secret,” he said in a deadpan, “I have found a new Jane.”

“Please wish them my most sincere condolences then,” Shane, who had been quiet prior to that point - too busy fiddling with his own cubby even though it looked ten times better than any of the others - raised a playful eyebrow at Ilya.

“You know,” he continued, “for having to deal with you. Maybe I should send them a bouquet.”

Ilya instantly smiled at his husband’s overly-explained joke.

“At least try to look less in love if you’re gonna pretend to have an affair to guard your precious secret,” Bood commented.

“Tt-” Ilya snickered, “you will find out when it is time for you to find out.”

A chorus of “ooohhh” followed along with a lighthearted “Isn’t that ominous?” from somebody in the back and the conversation eventually ended as they headed out for practice but Ilya still kept a small smile to himself.

Two whole months had passed since what has now been dubbed the Wired incident and things had fully (finally, if you asked Shane) died down.

Ilya had been enjoying the chaos, which he had also openly admitted to anyone who asked, including his husband, but all fun things have to come to an end eventually.

He was really proud of Shane for how he had handled it all, past Shane would have honestly had a terrible time with it and as much as Ilya joked around, he did not want his husband to get any anxiety or panic attacks and especially not from something as irrelevant and stupid as a fucking interview.

With Shane having handled things really well, Ilya had let himself laugh at all the innocuous jokes (though he had ended up blocking a few people that went too far). He had let himself crack a few jokes of his own and he had let himself have some fun with it, which Shane had also reacted well to.

Yuna knew it too or otherwise she wouldn’t have even considered the offer. Ilya had given her free rein over his brand deals and interviews and such for a reason.

So, he decided to text her after practice to tell her to accept the Wired interview offer for him and they could work out the details over brunch on Thursday when Shane would be busy with a meeting with Farah.

He would still let Shane know ahead of time, Ilya wasn’t a terrible husband, after all, but first he wanted to set some things in motion since he was fairly certain Shane wouldn’t actually get offended (though he would definitely find it annoying, the same way he found it annoying when Ilya played videogames for too long or when he forgot to put his socks away or when he listened to reels way too loud without headphones).

Still, in the end, he knew it would be fine.

And if it wasn’t? He would simply tell Yuna to cancel it and she would understand, having been witness to Shane’s anxiety since… always.

— — —

I can’t believe you’re actually doing this, Shane had texted him, on the day of the interview, getting a laugh out of him.

He sent back: Believe it, handsome😉😘!

He handed his phone to Yuna, not having any pockets on himself, and he asked, “How long?”

She looked around, “I think they’re just finishing up with the overhead light, everything’s else’s set up already.”

He nodded and she turned back to him, asking, “What did Shane say?”

Smirking, he did a poor imitation of his husband, “I can’t believe you’re actually doing this.”

“Of course,” she chuckled, then started fiddling a bit with a few of Ilya’s curls, “there. Perfect.”

He smiled at her, “Thank you.”

She patted him on the cheek and they started talking about San Jose’s new third line center forward to pass the time, a rookie who was showing some potential and was giving a lot of good teams trouble; Though they didn’t finish their conversation because halfway through, the producer approached them, letting him know they were ready to film.

“You just sit there, thank you. Okay, Casey? Are we- yeah, yeah, okay. Everyone in position, thank you. Please quiet on set.”

Ilya, sat casually on the solo chair in front of the camera, patiently waited.

“Alright, we go on, 1, 2 and…” she pointed at Ilya, never reaching the 3.

“Hello, this is Ilya Rozanov and I am doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview for all of the fans’ pleasure,” he said cheekily.

He was handed the first board filled with Google searches with his name on them and quickly started.

“Is Ilya Rozanov gay? Bisexual. Not a hard word to learn. Learn it. Next,” he ripped off the next layer, “Is Ilya Rozanov married to Shane Hollander?”

Looking up at the camera again, he smugly replied, “Yes. Yes, I am. Jealous? You should be. Next.”

After ripping another layer, he read, “Is Ilya Rozanov Russian?”

Unimpressed, he faced the camera and raised an eyebrow, “No. I am a boring Canadian. Next.”

He heard a throat clear, despite the fact that several people had chuckled at his response, and looked up. Rolling his eyes, he added, “Yes. Obviously. I was born and raised in Moscow.”

He raised both eyebrows in challenge, “And for the record, I was right before too. I married a boring Canadian man so I’m also a boring Canadian man now. Next.”

Frowning a bit, he continued, “Is Ilya Rozanov European? Do you people not know basic geography? Yes, if you are Russian, you are European. But I’m also a boring Canadian. Next.”

Another layer fell to the floor, “Is Ilya Rozanov a NHL All-Star? Obviously. I am the best player in the league, my lovely husband is second best player in the league. Last one…”

“Is Ilya Rozanov the Ottawa Centaurs’ Captain? Yes,” he quickly threw the board away and held out his hand for the next one.

“Who drafted Ilya Rozanov? The Boston Bears, you’re welcome for the Cup by the way. When was Ilya Rozanov drafted? 2009.”

He kept his answers quick and brief, not really caring to go on and on like Shane had, maybe some viewers would find it annoying but he didn’t care in the slightest and the producer didn’t seem to either.

“Was Ilya Rozanov the number one draft pick?” He smirked at the camera, “Yes. And my lovely husband was second. I also won my first Stanley Cup before him. Next…”

“Why did Ilya Rozanov trade to Ottawa? Love.”

He was going to move onto the next question before he quickly re-thinked it and gently added, “Long distance is hard. Was hard. I am told I’m very clingy,” he said the last word with a playful smile but it was the first time during the interview so far that he had dropped his usual facade to be somewhat earnest instead, following in Shane’s footsteps.

“So I didn’t like long distance at all. Was miserable, really.”

He tilted his head back and forth a few times in consideration, clicking his tongue once, “Or…”

“Maybe miserable is not accurate. I was so happy to finally be dating Shane, actually dating, boyfriends. But that made the distance more painful than before. And like a lot of foreign players, I was also thinking of moving permanently to North America. Shane is in Canada so I picked Canada,” he shrugged casually.

“I told Shane I was looking into Canadian team but I didn’t plan too much past that. I knew obviously not Montréal but I didn’t pick any specific team. Just… throwing the idea around. Wanted to hear Shane’s thoughts on it.”

A warm smile spread across his face, reminiscing on one of his favourite memories of his… of theirs, “Then one night Shane wakes me up saying all these boooring things. And it’s fucking 2 or 4am!”

He scoffed jokingly, “I’m like, fuck, Hollander. I don’t understand a single word, can we go back to sleep? I don’t think he even went to sleep at all, he said he would but I fell asleep before him and when he woke me up he was sitting. He clearly spent the whole night plotting.”

Casually waving the hand that wasn’t holding the board, he continued, “Tells me of his big plan. Tells me Ottawa needed a star center, and they did, and that I fit under the pay cap. Reminds me Ottawa is only two hours from Montréal, much closer than Boston and much much closer than some other Canadian cities like Edmonton or Vancouver or others so I went to Ottawa. One of the best decisions I ever made.”

It wasn’t until he reached the end of his answer that he started feeling slightly awkward at just how much he had said, following in Shane’s footsteps had made him fall for the same trap and Ilya could feel the top of his ears warming from an incoming blush that he tried to deter at all costs because he knew that no one (mainly the other Centaurs) would ever let him live it down.

Thankfully, the following questions were fairly boring, mostly about his Stanley Cup wins and overall stats, and soon enough he had cleared the second board as well.

After being given the third one, he dove right in, “How did Ilya Rozanov get Canadian citizenship?”

“Ah!” he snorted. “Already said this. Married boring Canadian man, also became boring Canadian man. Next.”

The new question was the same one Shane had gotten in his own interview, “How did Ilya Rozanov become so good at hockey?”

He huffed and pretended to be offended, “Good. Good?”

He leaned forward, staring intensely at the camera, “I am the best at hockey. Not good. The best. Get it right. And I won’t share my secrets, what if Hollander watches this and then tries to steal my ideas and copies me to get ahead? He already started copying my signature move years ago, can’t let him surpass me.”

A few more boring questions followed, questions that Ilya knew Shane would love because he lived for hockey stats, and then he was halfway through the fourth and final board when he paused and blinked a few times in surprise before he barked out a laugh.

“This one only says Ilya Rozanov gaydar?”

He looked at the producer and she simply nodded and smiled at him.

Over the past few years he had joked a lot about his gaydar so it made sense that a lot of people would google something like that, Harris had even used the word a few times in official posts or videos that Ilya had been in but he was still a little surprised that that was the whole question.

“Alright then. Yes, I have really good gaydar,” he nodded at himself. 

"Everyone who has come out in the NHL? Let me tell you, I already knew they weren't straight, in some cases I'd known for a long time but what was I supposed to do? Tell them to their faces?”

He shrugged, “Well, I guess I did sometimes, a bit. They might remember some of those comments maybe. Anyway, Hunter was only one I was surprised by, his old age taught him some good tricks, I suppose. So, actually, yeah, a few times I made some jokes, like, about Bennett’s divorce with his ex wife and stuff like that. A few times I made jokes about myself too.”

For the first time, the producer spoke up, “About yourself?”

“Yes.”

“What do you mean? What kinds of jokes?”

“Oh, gay ones, of course,” he clarified.

“Like?” she pried but he didn’t mind, so he replied.

“Like… implying I liked men but then not denying I liked women, sometimes- often implying I liked both,” he shrugged.

“I mean, I went to Hunter’s boring, sad queer bar, the Kingfisher, before I was out and even that wasn’t enough for any of them to connect the dots. Is quite embarrassing for them, honestly. I had several men flirting with me in front of them and I’d turn them down ‘cause I was already taken but I always turned them down nicely and saying I was flattered, never was uncomfortable at men ogling me and not once did they think-”

He did an incredibly awful (purposefully so) impression of Hunter, “Mmm- hey, guys, maybe, just maybe, Rozanov isn’t fucking straight? Should we consider that perhaps? Maybe some Russians like dick too?”

He rolled his eyes, “No, they thought I was number one ally. One time, this man thanked me for turning him down gently which felt like fucking bare minimum, so it’s kind of sad he thanked me but okay? Then Vaughn agreed with him and I don’t even remember who but one of those dinosaurs was like-”

He did another impression, though less exaggerated this time, “Oh, yeah! Very cool of you, Rozanov. I have to say I really respect you for that, most straight men would have run out by now.”

Flabbergasted, both now and then, he shook his head, “Lost cause, I tell you. Could have dressed head to toe in rainbow and they would’ve thought I was showing allyship. Anyway, unlike them, I am perceptive and I quickly realised who was queer. It’s not even hard to do, let me teach you, okay.”

He straightened up as if he were giving a lecture, “If there’s several people in a room and some are men and some are women, you pick out the hottest of both. Hottest man and hottest woman or even a few for both. Then you pay attention to the way others look at them, most people will be staring at them intensely and sexually, trust me.”

“So, you might notice that one of the other men is staring very intensely at another man and completely ignoring all the women or you might notice he stares at both. Is easy. Really fucking easy. Half of the queer men I know? Including colleagues? I knew they were queer ‘cause they stared at my ass when they thought I wouldn’t notice.”

He snorted, “I was wary around Barrett until I realised he was gay and I realised he was gay when he checked out my ass and then eyed Harris, which is why I played cupid and encouraged him to ask him out, and then I also noticed he never once looked at a woman anywhere other than her eyes. Again, easy.”

“Actually, there too. After I realised those things, I cracked jokes. Told him he sure seemed to like Harris and get along with him and blah blah blah. You get it. You know that meme- Tiktok meme? I saw gay so I said gay? Yes, exactly. Saw gay, said gay. Easy. I don't know why everyone else is so bad at gaydar.”

He started chuckling at a different memory, “I remember one time Shane thought a woman was checking me out which, to be fair, not the weirdest guess but I looked at him like he was insane and went, Shane. That is a lesbian. I know bisexual women and straight women. That woman is very clearly a lesbian who probably just wants to ask me fitness questions.”

“And oh, what a fucking surprise,” he raised his hand up as if in surrender, board balanced on his knee, “she had a wife and did ask me a fitness question and also where I got my compression shirt. Wasn’t even a hockey fan. She thought I was a gym influencer or something like that and could tell I was queer too so she approached.”

He repositioned the board on his knee so it faced the camera better, “So I hope that answered the non-question and that baby queers out there learned how gaydar works. You’re welcome. Next.”

There were only two more questions.

“Did Ilya Rozanov and Svetlana Vetrova date? No, well, maybe, kind of, when we were teens, really young, like fourteen-fifteen, but it was… awkward, not just ‘cause we were teenagers but… we were a bad couple, even for teenagers. We didn’t even fight, it was just… bad match. Felt forced.”

They simply didn’t really click as a couple and that was already way before Shane had entered the picture. They had great sexual chemistry, which he wasn’t going to say on camera as to respect both her and Shane (and also because it wasn’t anyone else’s business), and they loved each other dearly and deeply but it never really breached the romantic love threshold.

“We laughed about it really hard later. We still do. Being friends felt much better, she’s the friend I’ve kept the longest and that I’ve known the longest, we are really close but never like that, unlike a lot of people assumed when paparazzi saw us during my Boston days.”

He leaned back in his chair, “Now, finally the last question. Yes, yes, I know. Very sad for all my fans that wanted this video to go on for eternity.”

Ripping off the very last layer, he read, “When did Ilya Rozanov start dating Shane Hollander?”

The hint of a smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth, “Ah, wouldn’t you all like to know. This is Shane’s fault for running his mouth when he was here but I am not Shane and I will keep my secrets but I need to correct something my husband wrongly stated and something else he omitted.”

He held up a finger with his free hand, “First. No, that is not when we started dating and I won’t say when we started dating exactly but we did start seeing each other fast but not rookie season. Summer before rookie season. Important distinction.”

“Second. When we met, first time, he shook my hands twice,” he made a peace sign to underline his point.

“Okay? Twice. In five minutes. Twice, five minutes and then Shane was shocked I knew he liked men from the start, like- no fucking shit, Shane.”

He sent the camera a Can you believe this? type of look.

“Ah and he eyed me up and down too,” he slightly bobbed his head up and down once.

“Was not subtle,” he snorted as he continued to mock his husband, then he grinned and cocked his head to the side a bit, “but then I looked him up and down too, so, fair, I suppose. But he was blushing, I was not.”

After a few seconds, in an even more mocking tone, still full of affection though, he added, “He also stared at my lips a lot. So, in like, five minutes, he-”

He counted on his fingers as he started listing things, “Blushed, stared at my lips, looked me up and down, shook my hands twice, complimented me-”

He continued counting with his other hand, careful not to drop the board, “asked me questions to get to know me and he was also the one to approach me. Oh but then he’s shocked I knew he had crush on me before he knew he had a crush on me?”

Ilya going second with his interview meant he got to have the last word so Shane couldn’t exactly rebut that Ilya clearly had a crush back, which he did, and that was really amusing to him. He was already looking forward to Shane’s lighthearted complaints afterwards.

“Was a tragic case of baby queer who doesn’t know he’s queer yet but it’s very obvious to us perceptive queers. Heavy burden to carry but someone must do it. And again, if I didn’t do it, who would? None of those other guys had any clue. All helpless.”

He threw the final board behind his back with flourish, “And that is all.” He clapped his hands. “Thank you and most importantly, you are welcome,” he winked at the camera.

“Cut! Okay, that’s all! Thank you so much for coming and please thank your husband again for us.”

“Will do,” he smiled, “thank you as well. This was incredibly fun.”

“All the questions okay? Just wanna make sure.”

“Yes, yes, all perfect. No worries.”

None of the questions had veered anywhere even remotely close to “Is Ilya Rozanov exiled from Russia?” or “Why did Ilya Rozanov do so poorly at the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics” and he was sure he had to thank Yuna for that, she most definitely had vetted all the questions pre-interview, leading Ilya to leave the interview content and excited.

He would be counting down the days until the interview dropped.

— — —

“Wait, wait, look at this one,” he cackled.

“Ilyaaa,” Shane threw his head back.

“Just read it, Hollzy. Accept your fate. You got through this once, you can get through this again.”

His head swivelled back to Wyatt, Ilya had almost forgotten he was there too.

“You get three, three,” he held up three fingers, “more and then that’s it. Do you accept these terms?”

“Yes, yes. Three more. Now, look,” he shoved his phone in Shane’s face.

“Okay but Hazy serves as my witness, you agree to only three more.”

Wyatt did a quick military salute, “Aye.”

“Hollander, read.”

“How many gay North American men does it take to figure out the sexuality of Ilya Rozanov? Trick question, gay North American men’s minds are too feeble to ever possibly be able to comprehend the mind of a European bisexual wh- okay, I’m not calling you that.”

Ilya rolled his eyes with fondness, then pressed a loud kiss on his husband’s cheek, “Maybe I’d like to be called that by my hot husband.”

“Yeah, well, that’d be fine then but it’d be nice if strangers on the internet talked about you more respectfully,” he frowned, glaring holes at the tweet.

“Sorry, malysh. I didn’t think it would bother you. Is common joke about men who sleep around a lot. Like, manwhore too.”

“Well, if it doesn’t bother you, I guess...”

“Should be past tense, that is true. I’m a retired whore. Or, well, not really retired, more like monogamous whore. Only depraved for my husband now.”

Shane chuckled at that.

“I thought Shane was the secret freak? I’ve seen the way he’s got your back looking on the damn near daily,” chirped Wyatt.

“Hayes, I’ll tell the Captain to make you do bag skates until you vomit next practice, watch it,” Shane jokingly threatened.

“I claim abuse of power.”

“Overruled,” Ilya replied. Then back to Shane, “Okay, two more but no more whore tweets, got it.” 

He pulled his phone back to himself, “Let me see… ah! Here.”

Shane squinted at the screen, “I just know the entirety of the Kingfisher was chewing glass after learning Rozy was bi, like, of course the answer was right in front of their eyes but between their dinosauric age and the lack of neurons hockey players have, it must be a tough battle connecting the dots.”

Shane looked at him with clear exasperation, “Baby, you do remember you’re also a hockey player, right?”

“We get hit in the head a lot, it’s a fair assumption. Focus on the dinosauric age part.”

“Yeah, no, I saw it.”

“You’re impossible, Hollander. Okay, final one. For today.”

“Ah, no? Final one period. So pick well.”

“We will debate this more at home.”

“No, we won’t.”

Ilya ignored him and picked a final third tweet.

“One of these days Rozanov’s gonna get taken to criminal court for abuse against the elderly and I, for one, will make sure to help with the bail. I’ll set up the gofundme and everything. Keep doing you, Rozanov. Keep being real. Hashtag I stand with Rozanov,” Shane read.

After a few seconds… “Okay?”

“That’s it?”

“You found that funny? Really? Bar’s gotten pretty low.”

He sighed dramatically, “Good thing you are insanely hot, Hollander. Something to balance out your most boring man on earth status.”

“Aren’t you a charmer?” he asked sarcastically.

“A Loverboy according to the internet.”

“I’m filing for divorce.”

“Mm, is that so?”

“Yes. It’s either that or strangling you.”

He grinned, “Hot.”

“I gotta say, Roz. This was really brave of you. I mean, Hollzy must truly love you to not kick your ass to the curb after this Wired saga shit,” Wyatt joked.

“Oh, I am kicking him to the curb.”

He frowned, “Kicking to the… what? Is that some unsexy way of saying you want to kick my dick? I think you’d regret doing that, Hollander. I seem to remember plenty of times you said my di-”

“No! It’s-” Shane’s cheeks flushed, “it’s a saying. To kick someone to the curb. Like, to dump them or I guess kick them out of the house too. Stuff like that.”

“Ah, well, result would be the same. You would still end up missing my dick and the rest of me.”

His husband groaned as he pretended to push Ilya away.

Meanwhile, Wyatt chuckled from the other side of the room where he was leaning on a wall near the only empty electrical socket available that he had claimed for himself because his phone battery was dying and he was waiting for a call from his sister, “Yeah, he’s got you there, buddy.”

“Fine, then I’m taking a long solo vacation away from you.”

“Vacation? From hockey?”

“From you.”

“Yes, but to do that you would have to take days off from hockey as well.”

“... then a long weekend only. Solo.”

Ilya was about to chirp back with a masturbation joke when Shane started grinning and re-opened his mouth, “Or I could invite Hayden.”

Wyatt let out a loud laugh at that while Ilya glared at his husband.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Mmm, I don’t know… Hayden could probably use a break from his kids-”

“And his shitty team,” snorted Wyatt, earning himself a finger gun from Ilya, who was too lazy to get up from his chair to go high five him.

“Exactly. Could probably use some time off with his best bud and his best bud only. No spouses around…” he trailed off in a suggestive manner.

Ilya crossed his arms, turned away from his husband and instead stared out the window of Harris’ office where they had been told to wait, “I hate it when you make those Shayden jokes.”

He spit out the word Shayden, if it could even be called a word, as if it were made of poison.

“Yeah, well, maybe you should have thought about that before you went all out for that stupid interview,” Shane’s words were undermined by the way he had put his hand on Ilya’s thigh as soon as Ilya had turned away from him.

“My interview isn’t stupid,” he faced Shane again, “yours was stupid. Mine was educative.”

“Yeah?” Shane playfully raised an eyebrow at him, “How so?”

He gave him one of his signature Isn’t it obvious? looks.

Shane waited.

“Gaydar. I taught the poor baby queers how to spot other queer people. You really needed that lesson. Still need it, to be honest.”

Shane tried to hide his laugh behind a scoff as he too, briefly turned away, “Whatever, Rozanov. Sorry I’m not as forward as you.” He turned back and leaned into Ilya’s space, “Totally normal to approach a guy, a co-worker, in a communal shower and fucking jerk off to him.”

Ilya leaned back on his chair and laughed, “It’s good most men have terrible gaydars or you would have never survived. You really are good at running your mouth, Hollander. It’s hard to believe you kept a secret for so long.”

Then, because he knew that sometimes Shane forgot his surroundings when he started bickering with Ilya, he pointed to Wyatt still on the other side of the room and he watched as Shane caught on and his face somehow turned even more crimson than before.

Though in Shane’s defence, Wyatt could make his presence almost invisible sometimes (goalie powers and strangeness were beyond human comprehension) and Ilya had also had to remind himself they weren’t alone in the room.

“Yeah, uh-” Wyatt was looking at the both of them in horror, an expression you didn’t see often on the almost all-knowing man, “I- I don’t even…”

Shane groaned and buried his face in Ilya’s shoulder, using one of his hands for further coverage from Wyatt’s shocked eyes.

“I’m sorry, what did you do in a communal shower? What does jerking off to someone even mean? I mean, I know what it means but… you weren’t even just jerking off normally? You know, staring in front of you or down or eyes closed. You were… doing that thinking to- looking at Shane or? I am… so confused.”

“Ah, you want the story,” he grinned.

“I mean… I feel like I have to know now. You can’t just leave me like this, man.”

“No!”

“Shouldn’t have run your mouth again, Shane,” he chided playfully.

“I deserve the story now, Hollzy.”

“He deserves the story now, Hollander,” Ilya backed up Wyatt.

“This is so fucking embarrassing,” he mumbled, still pressed up against Ilya. He was starting to take pity on his husband when Shane straightened up and sighed, “Fine. But I’m telling the story."

“You’re biased.”

“I’m biased? You’re biased! Shuu- quiet.”

Despite his previous complaints, Ilya sealed his mouth shut and let his husband talk.

Wyatt not cracking some “You his dog, Rozy?” type of joke was proof enough of how dumbfounded the new discovery had left him.

“Basically, Ilya-” Shane paused in thought, “oh, actually. Hold on. Uh- before, I should mention the draft. That’s not when it happened but…”

“Okay?” Wyatt looked at Ilya with pure confusion but he remained silent.

“After the draft, at night, we both headed out to the hotel’s gym. We didn’t set it up or anything, neither of us knew the other was gonna be there. It was just pure coincidence but yeah. I go in there, start training a bit to clear my head and a few minutes later Ilya comes in.”

Despite the red hue still painting Shane’s face, his tone had gone softer, the sound pulling at Ilya’s heartstrings.

Shane turned to him, as if he had read Ilya’s mind, and let out a small smile, “And we didn’t even talk at first or say hi to one another. He started exercising too and then we were both just… you know, doing that, minding our own business but also not really.”

Then he chuckled, “And this asshole starts up a silent competition with me.”

“Oh, I started it?” he pressed a hand to his chest.

“You know you did.”

“I distinctively remember you looking at my speed level and amping up.”

“Yeah, exactly, ‘cause as soon as you started you made sure to raise the speed higher than mine.”

“Oh God, you were always like this? Man, there’s no hope for you two,” Wyatt shook his head, “don’t lose focus. Get to the point.”

Shane pulled his gaze away from his husband and Ilya loved that it looked like that required effort for him.

“Basically, we start racing each other.”

Forgetting his own previous statement, Wyatt asked, “Who won?”

“Neither of us.”

“Hard to tell,” Ilya hummed.

Their answers seemed to surprise the third man.

“Anyway, after that we were both pretty winded and we sat on the floor, facing each other, as we caught our breaths. I hadn’t thought to bring a bottle with me and I was drenched in sweat and kinda dying of thirst-”

“In more ways than one,” he wiggled his eyebrows at Shane.

“Oh my God, shut up,” he lightly kicked him on the foot. “As I was saying, I didn’t have any water with me but Ilya had brought some and he offered it to me.”

“And Shane was a stubborn little Canadian boy sore loser so he declined.”

“Or I was just scared I’d catch all of your disgusting germs.”

“You really grew past that,” he snorted.

“Yeah, unfortunately for me,” he rolled his eyes.

“So, anyway, he insisted,” he sent Ilya a playful glare, “because he’s always been incredibly annoying.”

“That I can totally believe, actually,” Wyatt chimed in. “And you caved in?”

“I was dehydrated! Yeah, I caved in,” he complained.

“Okay? And? You were shocked he wasn’t a total asshole?”

“No, I wasn’t surprised or anything. Just, you know,” he looked at an empty corner of the room and Ilya leaned forward, eyeing him curiously.

“What? What is it?”

“You know… come on,” he faced Ilya, “you know.”

He raised an eyebrow and waited.

Shane sighed, “Well, then you drank and our hands touched and you winked at me and your mouth was on the same spot mine had been and it was like an indirect kiss and I wanted it to be more than an indirect kiss.”

Forgoing some jokey comeback, he nodded, “Yes, me too. But you didn’t do anything else… and… you were… confusing. Easy to read in some aspects, hard to read in others. Didn’t want to scare you off.”

“Huh…” Shane looked like he had realised something and for a moment, they simply stared at each other.

Until an awkward cough cut them off.

“Seriously? Still here. You guys are so easy to distract, I swear to God it’s a miracle either of you have the careers you have.”

Shane shook his head and refocused, “Right. Uh- that was it. Nothing else happened. We talked a bit. He asked me about uh, Boston and Montréal and yeah, we went back to our rooms, said goodbye.”

“So nothing happened?”

“No, no. But… there was a… spark. Yeah, just- there was a spark. We both felt something and we both knew that we both felt it. You could cut the tension with a knife.”

“So,” Ilya jumped in, “after a few months, I decided I wanted to see him again. I was offered a CCM shoot and suggested it might be a good idea to have my-” he did air quotes, “rival there too. To get people talking.”

“Oh shit, the CCM shoot.”

He nodded at Wyatt, “Yes. The CCM shoot.”

“No one had told me it was his idea though. Well, he eventually told me but before that I had assumed it was some higher up’s idea. Made sense, with everyone constantly talking about us.”

“The shower thing was after the shoot.”

Shane huffed, “I was showering like a normal guy, meanwhile this asshole starts peacocking as soon as he strides in.”

“Uh, excuse you, Hollander. I wasn’t peacocking, I was showering. Also like a normal guy.”

“Shut up, you were fucking posing and stuff. And you were near me, when there were dozens of empty showerheads. But you came really close to mine.”

“What do you have, the plague? I was not next to you, there was enough space between us. If I had gone to the farthest area you would have probably freaked out or assumed I was being an asshole.”

“You are an asshole. And a liar because you were definitely posing. Forget the distance thing, whatever, you were still literally posing.”

“Posing… posing? Hollander… I was showering. You are familiar with the concept, yes?”

“Fuck you,” he scoffed.

“You get under the showerhead, you turn on the water and you move your body as you scrub and wash away the soap and dirt. You can’t stand under the spray like fucking cardboard. You move, Hollander. You move and you twist.”

“I can’t believe you guys are now debating showers.”

“It’s part of the story! It’s the whole point!” Shane pointed accusingly at Ilya, “He was preening and-” he stopped abruptly.

“Yes, and?”

“Oh, so you admit you were preening?”

He waved a hand dismissively, “Okay, fine. Sure. Whatever. Continue what you were saying. I was preening and then?”

Shane looked utterly mortified, if only his own mouth hadn’t led him there.

“I- ugh, you know what.”

“Yes, I know what. Hazy does not know what.” He moved his hand up and down once, “Go on. Didn’t you say I couldn’t talk? You wanted to tell whole story by yourself, no?”

“Since you seem to remember everything I say, do you also remember when I said I’d divorce you?”

“No, I was busy trying to Men In Black myself at the idea of Shayden.”

Shane laughed at that, “Fuck it. Okay, fine, I got hard, alright?”

He kept pointing at Ilya as he talked to Wyatt, “This asshole was showing off while fully naked and I have eyes and a dick and I got hard.”

“Holy shit,” is all Wyatt replied.

“Yes, it’s always the shy ones.”

“Quiet ones. The saying is it’s always the quiet ones,” Shane corrected.

“Eh, same thing,” Ilya shrugged.

“I was not fucking shy.”

“Ah, yes, you were,” he replied matter-of-factly.

“Fuck off, Rozanov.”

He grinned, “Ah, but good for you I didn’t.”

“Oh okay, I got it now. That’s when Mr Pea-emphasis-Cock started…” Wyatt mimicked the act with the hand that wasn’t holding his charging phone.

Shane’s face scrunched up, “Yeah…”

“After Hollander got hard. Of course that got me hard and yes, I jerked off. Or tried. Told Shane to do the same but my shy baby was too embarrassed to do anything then and there.”

“Maybe I’ll really book that trip with Hayden.”

“Fine, then I’m stealing Jackie.”

“You wish.”

“Free upgrade from Pike for her. And I get along great with the kids, no issues there s-”

“Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. You still have to finish the story. What happened after that? You said that’s when you got together.”

In a mocking but non-offensive tone, the goalie said, “Summer before rookie season. Right? You made a whole deal about that during the disaster interview.”

“Not a disaster and yes, that’s when we started fucking. Well, not fucking fucking. You need prep for that. We just-”

“Ilya,” Shane warned.

“Oh, what? He already knows about the shower, he knows we had and still have sex,” he pointed out.

“What can be so embarrassing about saying you dropped to your knees to blow me in your hotel room and then I repaid the favour by blowing you so well you came without me needing to use my hands?”

“I’m literally gonna strangle you.”

“Okay! You two can stop giving me details now-”

“Didn’t you literally ask?” rebutted Shane.

“Touché. But also you did drop a huge truth bomb on me, as the kids say. You can’t really blame me for needing a follow-up.”

“This is your fault,” Shane slightly shoved Ilya with his shoulder. “You and your stupid video.”

“Your mom loved it, sales are off the roof again.”

“God,” Shane cringed, “I can’t believe you said all that shit in front of my mom.”

“I barely even said anything! And she already knew we used to fuck before we dated, relax. She found me hilarious.”

“At least someone did. Can’t relate.”

“Thousands of people online also found it hilarious.”

“Yeah and the internet is always a great judge of character.”

“Hey, so, where the hell is Harris?” Wyatt looked at the door. 

“He owes me a million get out of social media events free cards for trapping me in here with you two. I could’ve charged this in the lobby downstairs too, you know? But nooo, he just needed to talk to us about the fan Q&A like, right today.”

— — —

Ilya, unlike what Shane usually remarked, wasn’t the only one who enjoyed scrolling social media in search of #wiredsaga posts.

Their practice was running pretty late due to some weird hole in the ice that the zamboni crew were having issues smoothing out and some of the players had fully taken off their skates while they waited.

Some, like Shane, had jogged for a bit down several of the hallways. A few stretched out and tried different yoga posas even. Some, including Ilya, were playing cards on the floor thanks to Harris who had come down to help the new young socials woman with an issue she was having and upon witnessing the situation, he had run back to his office to grab a deck of cards to help the players pass the time.

A handful of the younger players, however, found card games pretty boring, which Ilya had taken quite the offense to, leading to some chirps about his age. Still, Ilya was a nice captain and he allowed them to go get their phones, so long as they put them away as soon as the ice was cleared.

Some of the other older players complained about tech and ipad babies and whatnot but the ice situation was taking much longer than expected and he knew the small group of young men would die of boredom if he didn’t allow them some phone time.

Luca, slightly older than them, was the only one from the young people's side of the team that wasn’t on his phone, choosing to copy Shane in whatever exercise he was doing at the current moment.

Ilya and the others were just about to start up a fourth round when one of the rookies doubled down in laughter, a few of them looked oddly at him but quickly went back to minding their own business, except… the rest of the rookies - huddled up around the first one - started laughing too.

Still, Ilya’s group started their next round and only a few plays in, he felt a tap on the back of his shoulder.

He frowned, suspiciously, “What is it?”

“Oh, you’re gonna like this, trust me, Cap.”

“Like what?”

“Look,” the younger man held up his phone in front of Ilya’s face.

“Is that…” Troy asked, peering at the screen from Ilya’s other shoulder.

“Ah, wiredsaga,” Ilya chuckled, then focused on the tweet and let out a small laugh as soon as he had finished reading it in his mind.

It was a fairly simple joke, he had found much funnier ones before. The rookies, in his opinion, had laughed way too hard at it but he did enjoy it too.

“Wait, give it here, I wanna see it too,” Troy whined.

The rookie passed the phone around until their whole mini group had seen it. The commotion had apparently been noticed by the other scattered players who came up to them, crowding them, and asked to be let in on whatever was happening.

“Ah, is nothing,” he waved his hand dismissively.

“If it’s nothing, why are you laughing?” Shane had asked from the back of the small crowd.

“Just stupid tweet.”

“Oh, great. Another one of those,” he started turning around, “I’ll pass, thanks.”

Ilya rolled his eyes and called out, “It’s not even about you! Always so self-centered, Hollander.”

Though barely visible due to his position, Ilya could tell Shane had flipped the bird at him and he cackled, along with some of the others who had heard his remark.

“It’s an innocent one!”

“What does it say?” Luca asked somewhat shyly, after most of the others had already cleared the area.

“O-m-g,” the rookie read, “not Hunter's old age saving him from Rozanov's killer gaydar ‘cause Hunter’s body language is still stuck at the ice age mannerisms.”

Luca let out a small chuckle and a few paces behind him, Shane 

had snorted as well, though he tried to play it off as a cough but Ilya knew better and smirked.

The rookie, still looking down at his phone, thumb swiping up and down, smiled and said, “It’s a goldmine in here. This is like the fifth Hunter joke in a row on my tl.”

“Yes, yes, I am a trendsetter. Already knew that. Make sure not to rot your brain too much with that.”

“Pot calling the kettle black,” Bood joked and the conversation moved on, with the older players going back to playing cards.

— — —

“It’s sooo sweet how you haven’t left him yet,” Jackie cooed. “I take it all back, Shane. You’re a true romantic after all!”

“Hey, what? I am romantic! What the hell?”

She snorted, “Okay, Shane. I love you. I do. But you’re lucky Ilya made the first move and that’s all I’ll say on the matter. Anyway, real nice of you to let him do his own version of the Wired interview!”

He shrugged, “I mean, he’s having fun with all this stuff, so...”

“Oh, I am,” he nodded without looking up from his delicate task at hand.

“Nooo, I wanted pink on that one!”

Ilya sighed and paused.

“Amber, you said orange before,” scolded Jackie from the couch where she was huddled up to Shane and with Anya spread out on top of the both of them.

“No! I said the other pinky orange. This one pink. Pink pinky!”

“Okay, okay, we take the wipe, wipe it down and re-do this,” he grabbed the materials needed. “You keep looking at the blue dog on tv, okay?”

“Bluey!”

“Yes, yes, Bluey.”

“You’re spoiling her.”

“What? Me? Uncle Ilya? Spoiling Amber? No, never,” he replied in the most serious tone he could master.

Jackie snorted again but Ilya continued, “Go back to having fun with my husband reading hilarious jokes about him.”

“Actually, what we are going back to is your incorrect judgement of my character,” Shane pointed at her. “I can be really romantic, okay?”

Ilya chuckled, “Playboy Hollander is secretly romantic, didn’t you know? Is how he pulled me.”

“Shut up, moron.”

Ilya knew Shane was holding back from calling him an asshole because Amber was in the room with them.

“You know what, Shane? Maybe you’re right, some of the comments seem to think so anyway. Check this one out,” she passed her phone to Shane who hummed back.

“I guess they’re not all bad.”

Ilya raised an eyebrow, pausing, “Let me see.”

“No.”

“What! What do you mean no?”

“You’ll make fun of me.”

“I make fun of you anyway, moy pomidor.” He extended one of his hands, “Give.”

Jackie rolled her eyes, grabbed her phone back and gave it to Ilya.

“Betrayal,” Shane playfully glared at her.

“My payment for Amber’s free nail appointment,” she joked.

Ilya grinned at her, “Payment accepted.”

Then he looked down at the phone.

My Baby Holly was up all night "plotting" a life with the love of His life and I'm just bawling my eyes out🥹😭 the love they share is simply so precious💞!!! #playboyhollander ? more like Loverboy Hollander!!! That man was pulling an allnighter to plan their F U T U R E!!! TOGETHER!!! he’s sooo romantic aww!! Ilya is SO lucky and im s o Jelly😩!

He snorted, “Adorable.” He gave the phone to his friend and went back to work, “What’s jelly? Jellyfish? Jelly pudding?”

“Jealous, like, abbreviated. You know? Jealous, je-lly,” Jackie explained.

He let out a small smile, “Yes, well, they should be jelly. Very much so.”

— — —

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: I know im not technically in charge of this sort of shit anymore but Stephanie is still a lil too shy to tell you this herself so I’ll take the bullet for her.

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: Ilya…. Please stop liking tweets.

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: And yes yes u didnt like any bad ones so far and all the ones i sent u are also fine but u tend to get carried away and Steph’s still fairly new so pls, for her?

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: I mean, u have a burner acc for a reason, right?

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: That said… i did laugh pretty hard at a few of those lol BUT DONT TELL TROY OR SHANE OR EVEN SCOTT!!! 🔪🔪🔪

You: Yes, yes. Relax. Steph is nice, it’s not my intention to make her life harder🥰! But…

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: But what…

You: I still want something in return for my silence👀👀

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: And what would that be

You: I will decide when it is time.

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: Why are u always so ominous😭😭😭???

You: 😈!!!

You: Anywaaay which ones did you like? Not counting the ones you already sent me?

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: Oh LOL! Wait.

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: Give me a sec

You: 👍

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: Here. DONT ABUSE THIS!!!🔪🔪🔪

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜 sent three images

The first screenshot showed a main tweet that Harris, the hypocrite, had liked, along with two comments below.

Now, who in the hell is that lesbian that tried to flirt up on Shane Hollander's man😂? I need to befriend her stat #wiredsaga

Poor Hollzy already has to fight off the gay men, the bi men, the straight women, the bi women and then one of you had him thinking he needed to start fighting off the lesbians too? That man's never gonna know peace, is he😭?

no but as a bi girlie i would also ask ilya rozanov for fitness and fashion tips if i ran into him in the wild, he is peak gender i need to become him #istandwithrozanov

Before he even opened the next two images, he replied to the first one.

You: I have decided what I want in exchange for my silence.

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: Why do u Have to make it sound like some illegal back-alley deal💀

You: Because you are buying my silence, duh? Here’s the deal. I will 🤐 but in exchange I can change my handle on all the apps to “Shane Hollander’s man”🙂!

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: Picture me sighing pls. But you know what? Sure, ye. Fair enough🫡!

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: Youre the one who’s gonna have to deal with Shane anyway LOL

You: Oh, I will deal with him, alright😉😏!

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: 🫩😒🙄😑

He snickered and opened the second image, which showcased a string of short tweets.

“Who drafted Ilya Rozanov? The Boston Bears. You’re welcome for the Cup by the way” girl they’re gonna eat you alive in Boston☠️ #wiredsaga

Girl i think they already ATE (past tense) him alive in boston if u catch my drift LOOOL (ilyawhore era u will always be missed)

Went from Boston’s darling to their n1 public enemy just like that

and all for loooooove awww goals relationship goals!!

He replied to this image as well.

You: Yes, I’m sure all the Boston ladies are very sad now🤷

Finally, he read the content of the last image.

how abso-fucking-lutely head over heels in love do you need to be to not only move from BOSTON to ghost town… ottawa… but to go ahead and claim it the best decision you’ve ever made??? i fear #loverboyrozanov has striked again

You: Am very much in love but do not insult our hometown like that, Harris🔪🔪🔪!

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: OUR hometown🤨🤔🧐???

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: And mind u, i didnt even write the tweet??

You: Yes but you shared it. Guilty all the same.

Harrisss🍎🍏🚜: …

— — —

“I’m sorry, Harris said it was okay? Harris…”

He cheerfully nodded, “Yes. Go ask him.”

“Oh, I will. I most definitely will. You don’t need to tell me twice.”

“I’m a trendsetter once more, did you see Kip’s update?”

Shane frowned, “No… but now I’m worried.”

“You know how he was sending some tweets too?”

“Yes,” he rolled his eyes.

“Right, so, he saw me change the handle to Shane Hollander’s man after those lesbian jokes and, wait,” he shook with laughter before he could even fish out his phone from his pocket.

“Let me find his account,” he said, laughter having died down to a small chuckle by the time his phone was in his hands. “Wait, wait.”

“I’m not running anywhere,” Shane lightheartedly replied, earning himself a small, quick kiss on the temple.

“There.”

Shane peered down at the screen and snorted, “What did your best friend say about that?”

He huffed, “Never, ever, call that museum exhibit my best friend again. I’m too cool for museums so I wouldn’t know what he thinks but I love it and I made sure to tell his fun husband. After I told him again he should seek a divorce attorney.”

“I’m sure Kip Scott Hunter’s trophy husband Grady appreciated that,” he played along, using Kip’s new handle.

“I’m sure too, lyubimyy. Everyone appreciates my advice, after all.”

Shane chuckled and shook his head, “You’re such a loser.”

“How? I am hot, have an even hotter husband, am rich, have an even richer husband, I’m the best hockey player in the world and my husband is the second best hockey player there is. In what way am I a loser, Hollander?”

“You got it all right, minus that final bit,” he tapped Ilya’s foot with his own. “But yeah, it is pretty nice to be the best hockey player in the world, married to the second best hockey player in the world.”

“Mm, no. You have that part backwards.”

Shane looped his arms around Ilya’s neck, “Wanna visit our trophy room to make sure? See who’s right?”

Ilya dropped his phone on the nearest counter before leaning in, hands circling around his husband’s waist, “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to check.”