Chapter Text
When Charlie got the diagnosis everything went out the window for him. All his plans for life. Retirement, spending his days fishing and getting to see his daughter live the life she deserved. The day she got married was a surprise and a blessing. It was now at least. Since he'd been able to be there for one of the most important moments of her life. At the time it'd been a shock to learn that she was marrying Edward so soon.
They'd only just graduated High school and she was already leaving him? His daughter, his little girl. A girl whose life he'd missed most of. He'd hoped for more time. More time to cook dinner together (even if he couldn't cook to save his life), to laugh and live and love once more.
It had been so hard having her move back in a year and a half ago. He had no idea what to do with a teenager. But he’d seen the opportunity to have her back in his life and he wasn’t going to waste it.
He’d hoped things could be like when she was little. Rides in his cruiser, movie nights, dancing to oldies on the radio in the kitchen. Instead there was the fighting, the nightmares, the depression, and leaving him with no notice. It was like she kept finding new ways to hurt him. He loved Bella with all his heart but by god did that girl make things difficult. He wished he could be better for her. He wished he could support her more instead of just being another lingering shadow. Always watching from the corners.
He hadn't been there for Bella a lot growing up. And that guilt nagged at the back of his mind every day. He had hoped that Bella being here was his chance to make amends and actually be able to make something of himself in her eyes instead of just being the fool he knew she thought he was. But it seemed even life wasn't that generous. He wasn't granted free days or passes in life. That's just not how life works. He had to take the long, bumpy path. The one that ended in him dying of cancer at the age of forty four before he would even be able to see his daughter have her first kid. He would never be able to hold his grandbaby in his arms, or hear them laugh. He wouldn't be able to go to any little league games or spoil them rotten. That's just not the cards life had dealt him. He lost everything. His wife, his best friend, his daughter, and now his life.
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Charlie didn’t want to admit it to himself but he was scared. Sat in a paper gown, hands fiddling with the edge of the material as the oncologist explained the situation. He wasn’t listening. His mind was too loud and yet so quiet. Blank, numb, dead. He already felt dead. His thumb and forefinger rubbing the papery material between them. It was stiff, and kind of scratchy. It kind of reminded him of those brown paper towels in the gas station bathrooms.
“Mr. Swan…Mr. Swan?” The doctor's voice grew louder, not angry, just trying to draw his attention back to her. He looked up at her, his hands falling limp in his lap.
“Hmm? I’m sorry, I’m just a little out of it at the moment. Could you please repeat what you said?” Charlie rubbed a hand over his eyes, exhaling softly. He was being stupid. He was better than this. He shouldn’t let this get to him. His hand tightened into a fist and he pressed it against his thigh, grounding himself in the moment. His eyes flicked from her face to the nametag pinned to her scrubs. Dr. Sanchez MD.
Dr. Sanchez smiled sympathetically. “I understand this is a hard time for you. But I truly need you to understand what I am saying. This is a very serious form of cancer. I believe it is a Diffuse Intrinsic Pontive Glioma. This type of glioma is fast acting and very aggressive.” She smoothed her hands against her coat before clasping them in her lap. “This form of glioma you have is…exceptional. I’ve never seen it before. We don’t get a lot of cancer patients in Port Angeles but DIPG is most commonly found in children. There have been cases of it being found in adults but it represents less than two percent of adult gliomas.”
Charlie stared, the world frozen in the moment as he processed her words. 'Less than two percent', and the doctor seemed practically elated at this. It was rare, which meant that there would be less treatment options, that was obvious. She had said it was aggressive. Did that mean it was spreading?
His nails scratched at the back of his head before he even thought about it. The thought of a tumor right there. Worming its way into his brain. Taking over. He was already losing pieces of himself. He knew it. The doctors knew it. Everyone with eyes knew it. The way he kept losing his balance, at first he'd thought it was just low iron and started taking a supplement for it. Then there was the fatigue, no matter how much he slept his body constantly felt exhausted. He tried getting more sleep. Then his face started to droop. His lip at times, maybe an eyelid. He thought he was having a stroke and went to the hospital. Now he was being lectured about cancer.
"I'm sorry" Charlie cut her off. "But how can we fix this? Chemotherapy? Radiation? There's gotta be something, right? Some treatment I can undergo. I can't die. I won't die. Not now. Not yet. I'll do anything." Charlie was ready to get on his knees and beg this doctor. He had so much to live for. He had Bella, he had Billy, and...Sue? Although she didn't really count, did she? Shit. He really didn't have much to live for. Even he knew that was sad.
Dr. Sanchez let out a soft sigh and nodded. "I understand Mr. Swan. And yes, there are treatments to help manage this kind of cancer but I' afraid due to the location there is a very high chance that we won't be able to remove or clear up all of the malignant tumor. See, in many cases when a patient has a tumor we will often times perform a CAT scan in order to properly identify where exactly the tumor is before we perform surgery to remove as much of if not all of the tumor. But in your case we have already identified that the tumor is located in what we call the pons. It's the part of your brainstem that connects the midbrain and the medulla. The procedure would be way to dangerous to you. It would be risking your life. I think the best course of action for us to take is to get you settled into some radiation therapy Monday through Friday. The sessions should only take about thirty minutes. At the same time we will have you take a low dose of Chemotherapy once a week in the hopes of helping to further break down those cancerous cells."
She was quiet for a few moments. "Unfortunately due to the type of cancer you have you are much farther along and the treatment will have less of an effect. I'm sorry. I understand that this is hard. I will let you get changed and you are free to go. If you have any questions feel free to ask and take as much time as you need to talk to your family." Dr. Sanchez moved to stand from her chair but Charlie beat her to it. He hopped off the examination table, startling her.
"I'm going to die? I-I can't die. You're a doctor, you're supposed to do your job. You're supposed to save me. What the hell is the point of me doing any of the treatments if it's not going to save me?" Charlie's voice rose louder with each word. His voice strained as he held back his emotions. His jaw clenched as he ran his hands through his hair, forcing a deep breath through his nose.
"Mr. Swan, believe me, I know this is frustrating and I wish there was more that I could do for you. But I promise it is in your best interest to get the treatment. Your cancer is fast acting and you are already in the later stages. I'm sure you can feel the pain. That pain will only get worse as your cancer goes untreated. I can't force you to do anything but I highly recommend coming in on Monday for your first treatment." Her voice was low and soft, like someone speaking to a scared animal but when he looked into her eyes, she looked like the scared animal. He breathed slowly and took a step back from her.
"I understand. I'll talk to my daughter and I'll be back in on Monday. Thank you for your help." Charlie could still feel the frustration humming in his veins but he forced himself to calm down. Dr. Sanchez nodded once and slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Charlie collected his bundle of clothes from the chair in the corner of the room and began to get dressed. Fingers working absentmindedly as he buttoned up his shirt and tied his boots. There was too much on his mind to think about what he was doing. He was gonna die. How was he gonna tell Bella? And Renee? Not that he owed it to her but she was still the mother of his daughter. He had his house, and his job, and his small handful of friends that just seemed to be getting smaller by the day.
Bella was off with her new husband and her new family and he was withering away to die. Did he feel a little jealous? Yes, a little bit. It felt like everyone else had their lives put together and he was hanging on by a thread that was slowly fraying. But that wasn't Bella's fault. Or Renee's. It was his. It was his fault for holding onto a hope that his family would piece itself back together even when the years passed and he knew that that sentiment was hopeless. That was why he had learned to become a mediator, to help break up arguments when he hadn't been able to with his wife. It was why he had become patient. So he could listen to everyone, even when they couldn't get the words out, or were too scared to speak, or had simply done something plain stupid. Because he treated everyone in town like his family. He had made them his family. Learned them all by name, knew who was whose grandchild or grandparent, or aunt or uncle, or a friend visiting from out of town because he cared. Even if he didn't know how to show it.
Charlie stepped out of the Port Angeles hospital, the soft spring breeze rustling the trees. He walked across the park to his cruiser and got in. The car rumbled to a start and he pulled the sun visor down. The picture of Bella on her sixth birthday fell into his lap and he picked it up. He smiled softly and tucked it into his cupholder. Maybe he had more to live for than he previously thought.