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The car slows to a stop just before the end of the driveway leading up to the familiar cabin. Robby stares up at the cabin through the windshield of Jack’s Jeep, drawing in a sharp breath when he spots the Hatchback that’s parked near the garage door.
“You gonna need a hand walking up?” Jack asks from the driver's seat, one hand resting on the gear shift as he puts the car in park.
Robby shakes his head. “No, no. I’ll be alright. Besides, this is something I’ve gotta do on my own.”
He looks over at Jack and gives him the best smile he can when his stomach is churning and his head is throbbing. He really shouldn’t even be out of the hospital yet, they both know that, but this was something he had to do. The sooner the better.
Jack’s was the first face he saw once he’d finally woken up. He was sitting at his bedside, resting his forearms on the railing, smiling warmly down at him.
“Took you long enough,” Jack quipped, though the crack in his voice betrayed him. “How’s your head feelin’?”
Robby reaches up with the hand that’s free from an IV to feel the bandage wrapped around his head. He remembers vaguely that he’d actually put on his helmet before he’d driven away from the ambulance bay. Frank had been trying to talk to him — to apologize to him — and he hadn’t wanted to listen. He wanted to drown out whatever he was saying.
“Wha’happend?” he manages to ask despite the dryness in his throat.
Jack takes a deep breath, glances at the door across the room, and then back down at Robby.
“There was an accident, Robby,” he explains slowly. “You were hit by an SUV a few blocks from here. Idiot blasted through a red light and got you just as you were passing through. Broken right tibia and fibula, dislocated left shoulder, four broken ribs, fractured collar bone, and there was swelling on your brain. Some internal bleeding as well but we got it all sorted.”
Robby manages to glance down at his body; his leg is suspended in a cast, his arm is strapped to his chest with a sling, and even with a gown on he can see the bandages wrapped around his torso.
“How long,” he takes a calculated breath, “was I out for?”
“They put you in an induced coma.” Jack leans back in his chair and runs a hand through his hair. “It’s been about a week and a half. Started reducing the meds about” —he glances down at his watch— “18 hours ago. I’ve been sittin’ here for almost two hours.”
Robby squeezes his eyes closed and shakes his head gingerly. That’s not right.
“You weren’t here…the whole time?”
Jack gives him a curious look. “No, brother. I was helping cover on day shift. Why?”
He doesn’t know how, but Robby is certain he remembers the faint pressure of a hand gripping his. It’s not a strong memory, but it’s there. It’s pushing its way to the front of the line like it needs him to remember.
It hurts too much to try and remember though.
“No reason.”
The walk up to the cabin nearly takes all of the energy he’s got in him. He’s got a pair of hospital issued crutches tucked beneath his armpits and with every step, they sink into the grass of the front lawn. There’s plastic storage bins stacked on the gravel along the side of the house and a bike propped up against the wall beneath the window sill planter box. Its front tire is missing and the helmet is hanging off the handle bars.
Robby stops and brushes his fingers along the petals of the flowers in the box. Bright pink zinnias mixed in with perfectly soft petunias. He smiles down at them, a memory of the previous summer flooding back to him. The summer before everything was pulled out from under him.
“You gonna keep staring or you wanna come help me out with this?” Robby throws back over his shoulder, knowing full well that Frank won’t be moving an inch.
He hears Frank chuckle behind him and sure enough, when he turns around, Frank is lounging out on one of the lawn chairs he’d dug out from the garage. He’s got Robby’s sunglasses on and that one pair of swim trunks on that he just knows Robby can’t resist. His smile is blinding in the already scorching sun so all Robby can do is smile back at the younger man.
"I think I’m good right here,” Frank quips. “But please feel free to keep working. Just like that.”
His teasing smirk has Robby squinting his eyes in an attempt at a glare but he doesn’t have it in his heart. With a groan, Robby stands from where he’d been crouched in front of the array of flowers they’d bought at the nursery down the road.
“Now, correct me if I’m wrong” —Robby pulls off his gardening gloves with a bit of a flourish— “but I’m starting to think that you’re having me do all the work so you can get free labor.”
Frank shrugs, stands, and shoves his hands into the convenient pockets of his trunks.
“Not just free labor.” Frank takes a step closer and Robby follows suit. “But it’s also a free show.”
Robby laughs. “Oh is that right? You enjoy watching me garden, Dr. Langdon?”
“What I enjoy,” Frank sighs, “is watching you crouch up and down and up and down and—”
He’s cut off when Robby covers his mouth with his own in a heady kiss, his arms snaking around Frank’s bare torso to pull him flush against him. Frank melts into the kiss, his hands coming up to grab onto Robby’s arms, and Robby feels Frank’s smile against his lips.
Robby fights off the various emotions threatening to take over, swallowing past the lump in his throat, as he moves up the front porch steps. He fishes his keys out of his jacket pocket and stares down at the brass key attached to the eight ball charm that’s hooked onto the other end of the key ring.
The key weighs heavy in his hand and he grips it tightly before inserting the key into the lock and pushing the front door open.
Robby stares down at the small gift box that Frank had just placed in his hands. It’s wrapped in green paper with a silky red bow stuck to the top. He looks up at Frank, sitting on the floor in front of him, dressed in a pair of Robby’s old sweats and a USC Medical School sweater. He’s got a nervous energy about him, watching Robby with a sweet yet nervous disposition.
Returning his focus to the box in front of him, Robby plucks off the bow and leans forward to stick it to the front of Frank’s sweater. Frank huffs out a laugh as Robby peels off the wrapping paper and tosses it somewhere behind him.
He pulls the lid off and stares down at a brass key, an older style, attached to a key ring and a single charm.
An eight ball.
“Frank,” Robby breathes out, finally looking up at the man sitting in front of him. “What is this? What’s going on here?”
Frank shrugs. “It’s the spare to my grandparents cabin. It’s only about a twenty minute drive from the city and it’s beautiful. Abby’s been going up to see her folks more often after her dads stroke and she takes the kids with her since I’m usually working and well, I thought that maybe, it’d be important for you to have.”
He’s not looking at Robby but when Robby whispers out his name again, he lifts his head and their eyes meet.
“I know we can’t—I know what we’re doing is dangerous,” Frank starts slowly. “I know that we’ve both got people that will get hurt and that we promised to stay away once the Holidays were over but, Robby” —he shakes his head— “I don’t want to stay away from you.”
Robby reaches out to wipe at the tear that had escaped and was running down Frank’s cheek. He cups Frank’s cheek in his hand and smiles softly at him.
“I don’t want to stay away either,” he admits in a whisper. “I can’t stay away from you, Frank. I love you too much.”
The sound of muttered curses snap him back to reality and he steps further and further into the familiar space. He moves through the home with ease, like a muscle memory finally making itself known. By the time he reaches the kitchen, his heart is racing faster and faster, and he has to stop and take a deep breath.
They’d spent so many nights here together, so many weekends where they miraculously had the same days off, that it almost feels like he’s coming home again. Back to late nights tangled together on the couch while a movie played or the lazy mornings spent in the shower; Robby against the tile, one hand tangled in Frank's hair while he stared up at him from his knees. It was the most free he’d ever felt. The most love he’d ever felt for another human being.
It’d been intense. What they’d had together, the love that they felt for each other, it had burned so hot and bright that it destroyed everything in its path. Including themselves.
“Robby, I’m sorry,” Frank cried.
He was standing in front of Robby, reaching out for him, but Robby pulled away. He’d yanked his arm so hard out of Frank’s reach that the action had sent both of them stumbling. Robby hissed when his elbow collided with the brick of the hospital wall.
“Don’t,” he whispered, holding out a hand to keep Frank at arms length. “Just leave, Frank. I can’t—I can’t do this. Not right now.”
Frank shakes his head and moves forward. “No, no, Robby, please. Just hear me out, okay? Please, Robby, I love you. I love you and I’m sorry.”
“Go home, Frank!” Robby shouts, his voice breaking despite his best efforts. He fights the burning feeling behind his eyes. “Go home…get some help or don’t bother coming back. I can’t—I can’t—”
He cuts himself off, not trusting the words that might come out of his mouth. Instead, he digs in his pocket and pulls out his keys. His heart aches as he twists at the keyrings until it slides off and he tosses it on the ground at Frank’s feet. The broken whimper that Frank lets out is almost enough to have him rushing forward and pulling the other man into his arms.
But he can’t do that. So he turns away. He turns away and just before he gets to the doors, he stops.
“We’re done, Frank,” he calls over his shoulder before he’s rushing through the ED doors.
Robby shakes his head to clear away all the memories that keep flooding back; Frank’s silly smile and the way he throws his head back when he laughs. The feeling of his arms wrapped around Robby’s waist, latching himself to Robby’s back while Robby finished plating their dinners.
He takes another deep breath and lets it out slowly before he moves towards the sliding back door. He slides it open with practiced ease, careful to not make too much noise and risk startling Frank, and maneuvers himself and his crutches onto the back porch.
He’s frozen at the sight in front of him.
His bike — rather what’s left of it — is propped up on the lawn, a partially filled tool box open on the grass beside it. Frank is sitting on the small kitchen stool in front of the bike, his hands moving with precision amongst the gears and other machinery. Robby can’t really fault him for knowing how to fix a motorcycle, can he? Hell, Robby didn’t even know how to properly fix it himself and he’s the one who bought it.
With the way Frank’s attention is always jumping from one interest to the next, it’s really not even that surprising that he’s a skilled mechanic.
“I’m fine, Jack,” he hears Frank sigh, not bothering to check who’s behind him. “You don’t need to keep checking up on me.”
Robby swallows thickly. “It’s not Jack.”
A wrench falls from Frank’s hand and the stool he’d been sitting on tips over as he scrambles up and spins around so he’s facing Robby. His eyes go wide and his lips part as he gives Robby a quick once over. Even from here, Robby can hear the change in his breathing and can see the tension in his shoulders. It’s like he’s bracing himself.
“You’re awake,” Frank breathes out.
“I am.” Robby nods and moves down the steps until he’s standing in the grass. There’s gotta be at least a couple feet between them yet it feels like they’re worlds away from one another.
“How are you” —Frank clears his throat and drops his gaze— “how are you feeling?”
Robby shrugs. “I’ve been better.”
He watches Frank carefully, tracking all of the little things about him like he’s been doing for the last 2 ½ years; the hands at his sides, fingers tapping quick rhythms against his thighs, and the way his feet shift so the majority of his body weight is on his right side. He’d started doing it as a way to relieve pressure on his lower back but Robby is sure now that it’s become an odd habit for him.
“Frank,” Robby says softly. “Can you look at me? Please?”
Frank shakes his head.
Robby sighs. “Frank, please look at me.”
When Frank raises his head, he’s got tears in his lashes and his chin is trembling while he tries to hold back the emotions that Robby is sure are just flooding his system. The corners of his lips keep ticking down and Robby has to fight back his own flood of emotions.
“Frank, I talked to Jack.” Robby clears his throat. “He told me…everything. All of it. The crash, me being brought in, and how—how you were the one that had to treat me.”
Frank shakes his head and lets out a broken whimper. “I thought you were—you had no pulse, Robby.”
“I know,” Robby whispers. “He told me all of it, Frank. He said that you uh, that you refused to give up on me. That you tried every single trick in the book to keep me alive. So, I just wanted to come here and…and thank you.”
“You came all the way out here just to thank me?” Frank’s looking at Robby now as if he’s lost his mind. Which really, Robby isn’t completely convinced that he hasn’t.
He takes another step forward. “I also spoke to Dana.”
“Oh.” Frank deflates some and the restless tapping comes to a standstill. “What’d she say?”
Robby shrugs. “Told me I was an idiot for driving my bike after a 15-hour shift and then proceeded to hug me and tell me how happy she was that I was okay. She also told me…she told me that you were there.”
Frank’s brows pull together. “Of course I was there, Robby. You were brought in with major injuries. I couldn’t just—”
“I know, I know.” Robby stops him with a wave of his hand. “That’s not—I meant when I was in the coma. She told me that you—that you never left. Frank, she said that you used your PTO to keep an eye on me. That isn’t true, is it?”
Something shifts in Frank’s body language, just subtle enough that Robby almost misses it, but he sees it anyway. It’s like he shrinks in on himself but he can’t take a step back because he’d knock right into the bike. His movements alone let Robby know that it is in fact true.
“It was you, wasn’t it?” Robby asks and at Frank’s confused look, he clarifies, “you were there with me the morning they woke me up. I remembered feeling someone holding my hand and even though I was asleep…I felt safe. I felt safe and secure and I…it was you.”
Frank nods shyly. “I didn’t want you to be alone. I didn’t want you to wake up scared and alone so I stayed.”
“Frank,” Robby breathes out.
“I know,” Frank shakes his head, eyes still trained on the grass at his feet. “I know I shouldn’t have stayed with you. It’s not my place anymore. I get that, I really, really do. You just…you were just lying there and you were so—I just didn’t want to leave you. Not again. I know I lied and broke your trust and I know you hate me for what happened but I—”
“Whoa whoa whoa,” Robby interrupts and Frank raises his eyes to meet Robby’s. “Frank, I never said I hated you. Sure, I was angry and heartbroken over what happened but I…I have never hated you.”
Tears are welling up in Frank’s eyes again, his bottom lip quivering once more.
“I broke your heart,” Frank gasps out through a broken sob. “That’s what you said. You said I betrayed your trust and I broke your heart and I—”
“But I never said I hated you,” Robby doubles down. He takes another step forward and then another when he’s certain that Frank won’t try and run. “Yes, you broke my heart. You wormed your way into my life, into my heart, and then you shattered it all to pieces. It hurt so much when I figured out what happened but it wasn’t just because you broke my trust or my heart.”
Robby takes a deep breath. “It hurt so much because you didn’t trust me enough to come to me and tell me what was going on. It hurt that you didn’t think you could trust me enough to tell me that you were struggling. Really though, I think it hurt the most because I should’ve known that something was wrong. I should’ve seen that you were…in pain but I didn’t.”
“You didn’t see because I didn’t want you to see,” Frank says quickly, reaching a trembling hand out to rest on the front of Robby’s chest. A grounding technique they’ve used countless times for each other.
Frank's palm is a warm comfort against the raging rhythm pounding inside Robby’s chest and the gesture has him closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. He doesn’t hesitate to reach up and cover Frank’s hand with one of his own.
“I didn’t tell you because telling you meant admitting that I really was struggling,” Frank admits quietly. “And once I did that…then it all would’ve become too real. It would’ve meant admitting that I wasn’t okay and that I did need help.”
“But I would’ve helped you,” Robby whispers. Their faces are inches apart now and he can feel the warmth from Frank’s breath on his cheeks.
Frank lets out a small chuckle. “I know you would’ve. And that’s why I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t let my problems infect your life. I didn’t want to burden you with my problems, Robby.”
“Hey,” Robby says firmly, using his other hand to cup Frank’s jaw. “You have never been and could never, ever be a burden. Do you understand me? Despite what some others might have said about you, you are the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me.”
“But I broke your heart,” Frank sobs, leaning into Robby’s hand.
Robby shrugs. “So? Hearts are made to be broken. Doesn’t mean I have ever stopped loving you. Not for one second.”
“But—”
“No.” Robby shakes his head before Frank can even finish the thought. “I love you, Frank Langdon. I’ve loved you since long before I even knew I did. That night when we played pool at the bar because neither of us wanted to go home yet…that’s when it started feeling real. I have never stopped loving you, Frank. I don’t…I don’t know if I forgive you completely. At least not yet. But I know that I want to give this a try again.”
Frank searches his face. “You’re sure?”
Robby nods. “I’m sorry that I walked away. I’m sorry that I left you to work through everything on your own. I should’ve been there for you but instead I let my emotions cloud my judgement and made you think I didn’t care.”
“I know you care, Robby.”
“And I know you care too.” Robby removes his hand from Frank’s face and digs in his pocket until he produces the key and keychain. “Dana found this on the floor under the gurney. Said she saw you holding onto it everyday.”
A faint color spreads across Frank’s cheeks, subtle but impossible to ignore, and he shrugs.
“Made me forget that anything was wrong,” Frank admits shyly. “Made me feel like I was back at the beginning. Back when things were simpler.”
Robby can’t help but snort at that statement. “Right. Because having an affair is so simple.”
A smile splits across Frank’s face and he lets out a laugh of his own.
“Hey, Abby admitted to an affair of her own, alright?” Frank lets his hands slip down until they’re resting on Robby’s waist. “We were both reluctant to admit that our marriage was over long before we started anything. And you know what, Taylor is really good to her. Treats her like she deserves and I couldn’t be happier for them.”
“You think she’d be just as happy for us?” Robby asks, his eyes darting down when Frank’s tongue pokes out to lick at his lips. “If we started this up again?”
Frank thinks on it for a moment and then he nods. “I think she’d be happy to know that I’ve found someone I love who loves me back.”
“You still love me then?” Robby asks with a smile.
Frank pulls Robby in by the waist, their foreheads touching, and he takes a deep breath. His eyes are closed as he lets it out slowly.
“I have never stopped loving you, Michael,” Frank confesses, his voice soft. “You are…the love of my life and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
The confession has Robby leaning forward, ready to capture Frank’s lips with his, but Frank pulls his head back before they can connect.
“I love you,” Frank repeats and there are tears in his lashes as he brings his hands up to hold Robby’s face. “I love you so much and I will never, ever stop loving you. If we do this again…we start slow. We start at the beginning again because I would very much like to date you, Michael Robinavitch. Without all of the sneaking and lying and hiding. I want to show you off and love you without any limitations. Okay?”
A surge of emotion crashes into Robby and he’s nodding as he lets his crutches fall so he can grab onto Frank’s waist and pull him close. He crashes their mouths together and Frank melts into his embrace.