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Should Have Been Born Earlier, Nix
It was a simple assignment. If any man was going to be able to navigate the YMCA and blend, in it was him. If anyone had the body and athleticism to attract attention, it was him. If anyone was actually gay–it wasn’t him– but he could understand how a man would want him. He couldn't really fault a man for desiring him, powerful muscles and a powerful mind were attractive to anyone. He didn’t cross those lines to be sexually attracted to other men, but he certainly noticed when men had good bodies. It was called being observant and positive.
It was an assignment, from the assistant Secretary of the Navy himself, to seduce and have sex with the willing perverts who used the YMCA as a place for sodomy. Using the building that even had Christian emblazoned on it, for all the wrong reasons. Officers of the United States Navy even. Sullying the organization meant for men to enjoy each other's company, relax, and improve their athletic prowess. He wasn’t gay. He just has sex with another man to out him as an officer who no longer deserved to be wearing the uniform or rank bestowed upon him by the Navy. He had orders and succeeded on his mission. He was even given a commendation! By Roosevelt himself!
So why was he, Dick Winters, sitting in a court of law and looking at a man and feeling like a lovesick swab who got married and divorced on an eight hour pass? Like he was going to see someone he enjoyed spending time with slowly vanish into the distance as his ship left port. Never see him again. Because he betrayed him in the most intimate way a person could. When he had previously looked forward to seeing him, this day had been one he dreaded. For him, friendship— and being able to bare his soul– meant so much.
And yet...
He looked at Lewis Nixon, in his dress uniform, sitting with his family. A naval legacy and rich enough to escape the consequences of this scandal. And he was having a crisis because if he admitted to himself he was doing it for more than orders it meant that he, himself, was among these men who needed to be removed from the Navy. However, he could not quiet the voice in his head that said ‘Nixon lookin’ good’. That memory of a flutter of affection and joy when he would set his eyes on him. How he was sitting there looking like an officer. Like a goddamn man. A brave man unflinching at the charges being thrown against him. And he looked good. Brave. Undeterred. Just a shining example of the kind of man you wanted to serve with.
It wasn’t the same way he had looked good at the Y— with that smirk and five-o-clock shadow. How his gray eyes stayed locked on him over a flask while he leaned against a couch. The same way he had looked good as his uniform hit the floor, surprisingly decent body under that horrible posture and captain’s bars. And the way Dick had not asked anything before crawling over him to kiss and explore every inch of him. In appreciation of another man's body he yearned to touch. He was the most beautiful man he had ever seen, and he was drawn to him despite him being in a crowd of other men.
That first day they met was still so fresh in his mind, and not from reviewing it with the prosecutor. Dick was never a man to skip a wrestling demonstration with a friend, but he excused himself from Trent pretty quickly and struck up a conversation that quickly ended with a wink and ‘Going my way?’ as Nix pointed to the stairs.
That wasn’t orders. No…it was. He could appreciate a man without wanting him sexually.
When he made his report, he wasn’t aware that the men charged with this crime would be held for four months on a ship in the harbor. Interrogated. Mistreated. Not even charged! Somehow in the month in preparation for the trial Nixon’s family must have got him cleaned up and fed well. He still looked skinnier than he did. The uniform looked new, like it had to be remade.
It was going to come down to his testimony. Whether he got on the stand during this court martial and talked about the sex acts he had performed with Captain Nixon. After Doctor Soltz finished with his diatribe about how fellatio was a perversion. He let the man's voice fade into the background as he waited for his turn on the stand. Fellatio. Nix didn’t ask though. Dick just…did it. Nixon never asked for any of it, he just didn’t stop him. A smile from Nixon, a hint of mischief in his eyes as he said “Going my way?” and Dick did. Without hesitation.
And he went back. More than a few times. To make sure it wasn’t just the alcohol Nix drank.
But he wasn’t gay. He liked being good at what he was doing, so the fellatio was not about sexual perversions, it was about competence. The penetrative sex was just what a man did, he never let Nix top him. That would have been damning.
Nix….had known him better than any other person in his life. After only a few encounters. He knew him too, they laid and talked about family and their lives. How Nix has been pushed into the Naval Academy because he was Lewis Nixon’s grandson and it was the path he was supposed to travel. How a semester at Yale had just vanished in nothing but parties, barely passing grades, and the disappointment of his Mom for being just like his father. Grandpa stepped in and next thing he knew he was at Annapolis. It was like boot camp. Supposed to straighten him out. But Nix wasn’t straight and nor, apparently, was the Navy.
Dick took a deep breath. And that was why they met, why he was now in a courtroom to testify that Lewis Nixon III had engaged in homosexual activity with him. How Dick Winters had been ordered by Franklin Roosevelt himself to go undercover in the Army-Navy YMCA in Newport because the assistant secretary of the Navy, caught wind of the debauchery that went on there. And, for some reason, in the aftermath of the war, felt he needed to eradicate it.
Orders. It was just orders. It was for the benefit of the men. He was doing it for the men. Men like Harry Welsh who needed the YMCA as a lifeline from his terrible childhood. Men like Trent who found an affordable place to sleep when travelling. Men like him who found others who were enthusiastic and passionate about their physique, health, and strength.
He wasn’t gay, he just found one man who he had connected with easily. He wasn’t a sexual deviant, he wouldn’t even kiss a girl because he was a gentleman and an officer, so what happened with Nix at the club was just orders. Not carnal passion. Just….orders. Like any other physical activity he partook in as an officer in the United States Navy.
Tell me what you like, Nix, show me what you want.
It was about admission. Not sex. Dick needed him to admit he wanted him, show him how much he knew about being with a man.
When Dick took the stand he put his hand on the bible and swore to tell the truth. He sat down and looked at Nix, and Nix looked back at him like he knew, that he knew, Dick’s motivations. He knew him well enough to understand this? This had to feel like a betrayal. They couldn’t be more different; he just added the sexual tastes to that list of things they didn’t have in common. But Nix was funny, with a brilliant mind, and without love in his life. He couldn’t fault a man for looking for that elsewhere. Dick saw a woman with a baby sitting with Nix’s family and reasoned that it was his wife. Here to be his good public image, married men couldn’t be gay…right? But he knew Nix didn’t feel love for her, that she was with him for the money. She didn’t look concerned, just bored. She wasn’t even attractive.
“Lieutenant Winters?” Buck Compton, the JAG lawyer assigned to the prosecution, called Dick’s attention back to the proceeding. “What happened on the evening of May eighth at the Army Navy YMCA in Newport, Rhode Island?”
And Dick told his story. Because it was the truth, it was what happened, and the records needed to show the actual events that transpired.
“Thank you.” Compton said, the testimony was damning enough without having to ask for elaboration.
Next was the defense, a reserve JAG lawyer who had ties to the Nixon family–but who didn’t in the Navy? Lewis Nixon was a legend and the papers were having a field day with this scandal. Even hinting that Sir Thomas Lipton, who often stayed with the Nixons for his annual America’s Cup run, might have been more intimate with the naval architect than previously thought. It was rumored Lipton had a male lover back in England. Dick had no reason to be nervous, so why was his mind wandering to the news headlines?
“Lieutenant Winters, you frequent the Army- Navy YMCA, yes?” Sam Hoffman, defense attorney, asked with a disarming smile.
“Yes.” Dick answered. Compton had been clear about answering ‘Yes or No’.
“You never found yourself questioning the activities there prior to assistant Secretary Roosevelt’s personal request that you go undercover and root out the men of a homosexual persuasion?” Hoffman asked.
“No.” Dick said.
“You just went there to wrestle with your friend? Correct?”
“Yes.”
“And is there a reason you would wait to wrestle your fellow sailor until you were at the YMCA?”
“Objection.” Compton said. “The lieutenant is not on trial here.”
“The lieutenant's observations are very much testimony and I am trying to establish how often he frequented this establishment and in what capacity he used the facilities.” Hoffman clarified
“Sustained.” The law member said and sighed. “Lieutenant Hoffman, a reminder that this is not a civil trial but a court martial. Cross-examination is to clarify or present evidence, not put the character of the witness on trial. I will have anything beyond that stricken from the record.”
“My apologies.” Hoffman said. “I am trying to establish a level of understanding on how a man can provide testimony such as this while accusing my client of sodomy when he himself was a participating party.”
“You may answer.” The judge said and waved off Compton’s pending objection. “For the integrity of this court, I want it on record as to how this investigation happened.”
Dick realized it was his turn to answer. “I was under orders to find and engage men in the YMCA that were interested in other men.”
“Sexually?” Hoffman clarified
“Yes.” Dick answered.
“And how is this not entrapment?” Hoffman asked and looked at the judge and prosecution.
“The trial is to determine if a moral offense was committed, and if that constitutes dishonorable discharge.” The judge answered and repeated. "This is a court martial."
“Right.” Hoffman said. “And Lieutenant Winters had sexual relations with my client, under orders, to establish his sexual preferences in private club. Where he often goes to wrestle with his fellow sailors.”
“Under orders, yes.” Dick answered. “I wrestle there for relaxation and sport.”
“Orders from the assistant Secretary of the Navy who is a former associate of Alfred Smith, now political rival. Same Alfred Smith that my client’s family supports in upcoming elections. And my client's grandfather, being a private shipbuilding firm, has pending contracts with the Navy over new warships.” Hoffman said and looked at the stenographer. "For the record."
“Objection.” Compton said again. “Franklin Roosevelt is not on trial here.”
“Lieutenant Hoffman.” The judge said again. “Political motivations are not evidence. If you are done with the witness, we can excuse him. Otherwise, start asking him questions regarding your client and this trial here.”
“Yes. My apologies. Occupational hazard.” Hoffman said and went back to the witness stand. “Lieutenant, you entered the YMCA on May 8th with intentions to find homosexuals and engage in intercourse of whatever variety with them, under orders.”
“Yes.”
“What made you choose to pursue Captain Nixon?”
“I…” Dick looked at Nix and said, “I noticed him.”
“In reading your statement, I noticed there was another man who approached you? Something regarding ‘fruit salad’ while you and Captain Nixon were having a talk?” Hoffman asked.
“Yes, there was a man who came up and interrupted. I was in uniform, having come from work, and after wrestling with my friend Trent, put my jacket back on. He noticed my medals and commented that I must be a hero. Nixon told him to leave. He told him he wasn’t talking to him, he was talking to me, ‘the nice, neat-looking soldier boy’. Clearly inebriated as he didn’t recognize my uniform to not be a doughboy. “
“Clearly.” Hoffman said dryly. “What else did he say?”
“Look at that fruit salad. Too good to talk to me? You’re not a hero, you’re a sucker.” Dick quoted.
“And you felt this was not an opportunity to see if that man wanted to engage in sexual activities?” Hoffman asked.
“Objection.” Compton protested.
“Overruled.” The judge said.
“He was just some drunk with a bone to pick over my service.” Dick answered.
“And Captain Nixon wasn’t drinking?” Hoffman asked.
“He was, but he was not drunk.” Dick clarified.
“But you did ignore the attempts of another man at the YMCA to solicit you in order to focus on Captain Nixon?” Hoffman said simply.
“I, uh,” Dick said and felt that nagging uncertainty again about why he had locked onto Nix. “I am an officer. The other guy was clearly not.”
“You can tell that? Without his uniform?” Hoffman asked. “How did you know Captain Nixon was an officer?”
Dick could feel Compton staring at him. “You can tell from a man’s confidence.”
“So you had no idea who Lewis Nixon was, prior to taking him to a bedroom?” Hoffman asked, disbelief in his voice for everyone to hear and a small murmur in the courtroom to start.
“He took me upstairs and we of course exchanged names before and…” Dick was annoyed when Hoffman snapped at him.
“Answer ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. Did you know who Lewis Nixon was?”
“Yes, of course I knew of him but I didn’t know him.” Dick answered and Hoffman opened his arms and turned to the law members of the court martial in a dramatic gesture.
“To establish the situation to the court, please answer ‘yes’ or ‘no’ if this scenario is true.” Hoffman said. “You and your friend, Tresta Trenta, enter the YMCA where you proceed to find a surface to wrestle on. Assuming you stripped down to undershirts?”
“Yes.”
“And wrestle. Then get dressed and decide to get something to drink and eat?”
“Yes.”
“Which was then when you ‘noticed’ Captain Nixon?”
“Yes.”
“Is it true you have a unique method for wrestling?” Hoffman asked.
“Yes.” Dick said with a proud smile. “Scissor method which is quite effective.”
“And that is putting a man’s head between your thighs and bringing him to submission?” Hoffman asked.
“Yes.” Dick said and there was a giggle from someone in the courtroom. Nixon’s wife?
“Was your wrestling event to advertise your prowess or just fitness?”
“Fitness. It’s wrestling. There is nothing more to it.” Dick got defensive.
“Back to you selecting Captain Nixon out of all the men.” Hoffman quickly changed tactics. “Did he see you wrestle?”
“No. I don’t believe so. He was in another room. We went to the other room to get water and look around. I noticed him then. He was playing cards.” Dick said.
“And what did you do to get his attention?”
“I..” Dick couldn’t really explain it. “I think he was impressed by my leadership.”
Hoffman raised an eyebrow. “How so?”
“Men who had watched me wrestle were asking for pointers.”
“So more men, beyond the gentleman who called you a fruit salad, approached you?" Hoffman clarified.
“For wrestling advice.” Dick said, firmly. “I’d actually like to be an instructor someday, so I am glad to give tips and instruction.”
Hoffman hummed. “Did they ask for physical examples?”
“Yes, the best way to teach.”
“So multiple men approached you this evening, one very forward in an attempt to get your attention, and others wishing for physical activity…. and you still only approached Captain Nixon?”
“Yes. They were just looking for athletic sparring.”
“How did you meet?” Hoffman asked and turned to Winters again. “Captain Nixon? How did you meet him? Did you join the card game?”
“No. He was by a couch, watching. Getting something to drink. Obviously he brought his own alcohol, but was in line for some coffee. I decided to go for coffee too.”
“And?” Hoffman asked.
“We crossed paths and he allowed me to get in line ahead of him.”
“And that was how you started to talk?”
“Yes, his canasta game was breaking up and he was waiting on other players to arrive. So we sat and talked. Then after an hour or so we talked about being hungry and getting dinner. Of course he wanted to change. He said, "Going my way?” which, as I was told in our intelligence briefing from Secretary Roosevelt , was a code to go back to his room. Which I did.” Dick summed it up.
“Which is where you watched him change?”
“I felt it was more of an invitation.” Dick said and couldn't help but think about how he sat on the end table with a donut and watched Nix shrug out of his suspenders.
“You’re in the Navy, you get privacy?” Hoffman asked.
“Well, I…no. But this was a private room at the YMCA.”
“And you took that as an invitation to help him undress…or undress yourself?”
“I had orders. I saw it as an opportunity to see if our intelligence was right about the code word and I walked up to him to see if he liked me in his personal space and I kissed him.” Dick said matter-of-factly, because it was a mission. Go. Find. Capture.
“You initiated this?” Hoffman asked incredulously.
“I had orders. If I wasn’t going to succeed with him then I needed to not go to dinner with him when I was supposed to be having sex with someone that night.” Dick said, and realized it came out all wrong when the courtroom erupted in a gasp.
“And I assume the kiss worked?”
“Of course.”
“So you feel that Captain Nixon invited you to his bedroom for sex, however you initiated it and also showed off for the entire YMCA at your arrival to advertise your…abilities?” Hoffman asked.
“Yes.”
“Your honor, I move to dismiss this case against my client. This is absurd.” Hoffman said with a dramatic sigh and appealed to the judge.
“I will take that under advisement, are you finished with your witness?”
“I am.”
“Let’s recess.”
“That went well.” Harry said to him as they walked outside.
“You think so?” Dick asked and Harry gave him a look that said he most definitely did not think it went well.
“For him.” Harry said and looked over as the Nixons emerged from the courthouse and the press mobbed them. The oldest Lewis Nixon was no stranger to publicity or politics and was already telling the press that his grandson was being railroaded in some ridiculous attempt to attack him.
Dick listened, the famed shipbuilder was big and loud, commanding attention. He was talking about how betrayed he felt by his own neighbors, the Roosevelts, who were long time friends. How he was disappointed in the assistant Secretary of the Navy for admitting to such a scandalous venture and disappointed in the Navy for asking their officers to become prostitutes. He felt it was in some way an attempt to hasten negotiations on more warships and perhaps even grab attention of the nation for Roosevelt who might feel he needed something to outshine Alfred Smith in future political aspirations. He was disgusted at how the Navy had resorted to something so low to attempt to blackmail competitors. Dick watched the press snap pictures, looked at Nix standing beside his wife and wondered what it mattered about motivations. “This court martial isn’t about politics, it's about an officer’s morality.”
“It's now about your morality, Dick.” Harry said.
Dick looked at him, “What?”
“In what world are you living in where you can have sex with a man and claim you’re not gay?” Harry asked. “Your standards are strange, and you can be dense, but this is ridiculous even for you. You don’t see how his lawyer just reversed this investigation onto you?”
Dick shook his head, “It was orders…”
“Just following orders, yeah.” Harry shook his head. “Dick, just tell me you didn’t tell them about the guy you met hitchhiking that offered to take you to a hotel.”
“Well, in my interview with Roosevelt.”
“Great, because that’s not going to be part of a hearing.” Harry handed Dick the morning’s paper. “Roosevelt is coming under fire for this. Pushed by all of Nixon’s political connections, for sure, but I think there are a lot of wise men looking to distance themselves from this scandal.”
“Harry.” Dick said and his friend looked at him with a sad look. “I’m not gay.”
“Dick, why are you helping to destroy that man’s life?” Harry asked. “Why would you agree to this? You’ve disobeyed orders before, why are you suddenly interested in betrayal and espionage of officers within our own Navy?”
“Our officers should be the best.”
“Well, I’m sorry they were defiling your precious YMCA but, I think you’re going to have to brace for some blowback on this.” Harry said. “The men think the world of you, but I don’t think they’ll trust you again.”
“I’m not gay.”
“You betrayed another officer.” Harry said. “Pretty sure anyone who confided in you is going to ask what you’ll turn on them if you sank that guy who had sex with you. It looks like a love spat. Doesn’t help they’re asking if this is why you’re always watching them and commenting on their slender hips, bronzed bodies, and scars. Why do you never seem to wear a shirt off duty? Why do so many men hit on you?”
“They know me. They know I’m not like this. Like him.” Dick scoffed.
“They thought they did.” Harry said. “The men confided in you, shared their stories, their letters. It’s not about who you have sex with or attracted to, it’s about the betrayal because Lieutenant Winters was a kind and caring officer and now he’s snitching on another man who he willingly had sex with. The most intimate of relations. ”
Dick looked at Harry, who obviously was wondering what secrets he might tell about him. Like that time he was drunk and got a man shot and a patrol killed.
“I warned you who you were up against in this.” Harry said, “You’re not going to take down a rich family with ties to the Navy. This isn’t about me wishing I could enlist in a submarine crew, this is just basic intel. Lewis Nixon is famous. Why did you do this? More importantly is why are you being so stupid about it?”
Dick answered simply, “I had orders…”
“You supported a mutiny.” Harry hissed. “Don’t think I don’t know how they got rid of Sobel before we shipped out.”
“That was different. He would have gotten us killed.” Dick said and the thoughts began to seep with Harry’s words, how was this different. “Lewis…”
“It gave you an excuse.” Harry summed it up. “I know you, DIck, I know you better than you think. I know you won the men over and had them undermine Sobel and eventually mutiny to get rid of him at the last minute. I know you resented Meehan for drinking with the guys and being younger than you. I know Strayer doesn’t do shit and you take advantage and call the shots as XO. I know you. I also know you have never looked at a man with dark hair and bushy eyebrows and not appreciated him. So when I see Captain Nixon sitting there I know that it had nothing to do with orders and everything to do with what you want but need some excuse to take.”
Dick stared at him in silence.
“But I don’t understand why you ignored the fact that Roosevelt selected you because he thought he could out you too. You think the word went out and they said ‘get me a bunch of guys who will be disgusted to go to the YMCA and solicit sex?’, no. He probably looked in your file and Sobel’s frustrated comments about how you are always half naked, wrestling, posing for pictures, and a million other things said ‘This guy…well no question he’s one of them’.” Harry huffed. “You have to stop letting your ego shield you from the reality of how it could be perceived from what you say and do. It’s all politics, Dick. War hero or not. God, Dick, you have to use your brain. What the hell has gotten into you since we returned stateside? Was it because you didn’t get the promotion or the ship? What made you take this mission?”
Dick looked back at the press conference. He couldn’t answer that. It was probably because someone high up the chain looked at his file and asked him why he wasn’t in charge yet…and offered him a way to take charge. Frustrations with the Navy and a terrible time adjusting being back home made him take a terrible job just to feel in control again.
“Maybe you can still salvage this, salvage your careers.” Harry said. “How close were you with this guy?”
“I think I was very descriptive in court.”
“Richard.” Harry pinched his nose. “Can you cooperate with him to spin this as two officers deciding to take action against an amoral and overstepping assistant Secretary of War? He’s with Naval Intelligence, surely Captain Nixon can see the value in that.”
“I….”
“Your ship is sinking and you need to step off onto his.” Harry said. “Or you both go down. However, you best start with an apology of some kind after you do some soul searching and realize that maybe you just really do want to be with men at the YMCA. I sure don’t see you working out to make your way to the Olympics.”
With that Harry left, and left Dick with a revelation that maybe what he was fighting this entire time was himself.
“I know.”
Dick stared at Lewis Nixon’s smug smile as he sipped at his glass of Scotch and then held it up to swirl the ice cubes in and look at the amber fluid in the glass. They were in a back room at a local hotel bar. “You…know?”
“Dick.” Nix set the glass down and leaned on the table. “You think you’re unique in the stages of denial around your honosexuality? I’ve seen it a million times. Outside of the elite circles where debauchery is standard and parents aren’t always off with their ‘best friends’, you live in a world that teaches you there is only one way to be and you will be part of it or exiled. ‘I’m not gay’ thinks the man balls deep in another man, having the best sex of his life. ‘I’m not gay, I’m just sucking cock to prove I’m good at this spectator sport.’ Tell you what, the best lay is a man in denial who just doesn’t think of the ramifications of it. Oh, and the French.”
Dick could only huff a little the air had been totally knocked out of him. Then Lewis stood up and came over to him, a smile on his face as he looked into his eyes.
“There are connections, confessions, and enlightenment in the arms of a stranger you never think you will see again. You can be yourself. Unburden yourself. Get everything you need without having to wake up in the morning and look at someone who might judge you.” Nix said with a thoughtful shrug. “You can leave it behind you in the morning. Blame the booze. Blame the orders. Blame someone else. Whatever makes you feel better after you got exactly what you needed and wanted. To not be judged, well…it is to be free.”
Dick looked at him, that man he had truly enjoyed laying next to and listening to. “You knew?”
“Come on, Dick, you couldn’t be clinging to that masculine image any harder. I hate jocks, you have to macho your way past everything. And you love being with men. Playing, fighting, talking. When it comes to loving, well that’s ‘gay’.” Nix snorted and slapped Dick’s arm as he went over to the bar to pick a different section of liquor. The scotch he tried was too bitter and earthy, he was interested in notes of fruit and sunshine now. “You’ve also been told in your past that something like using your left hand to write with was wrong, disappointing, and the devils work. Set you up to fear being punished for being yourself.”
“You remember I told you that?” Dick asked. He watched Nix, watched that swagger and confidence and smile and remembered he loved listening to him yap. Just talk on anything, but it was the first time it was all so personal. Nix actually listened to him too, and cared to remember it.
“Sure.” Nix said, finding the liquor choice he was looking for. “I wasn’t lying about you being interesting.”
“How are you not furious with me?” Dick asked as Nix came back towards him grinning.
“I’ve watched a lot of men lash out at everyone around them for what they think are being perceived as their worst faults. When in reality, it’s who they are. Being above it all, in the circles I live in where everything can get swept under the rug, makes me see how constricting society is. Where mine is too free, normal people are shamed into societal roles. All bullshit, honestly, but it’s what makes the world go round.”
Dick felt him bush past him, deliberate. It took his breath away again.
“To put you at ease this whole thing is going to blow over. My Grandpa is pissed. Honestly, this was never about men in Newport dressing up as women, having sex with each other, or even all the cocaine Neavles is doing. It was about U-Boats and how the US kept our own subs as coast guard and shore patrol during the war because we were technologically behind the Germans and were embarrassed about it. Grandpa doesn’t work for the Navy anymore so it gets dicey about admitting our most recent Navy’s design sucked and the guy who could do it better was either German or a private contractor who now wants to focus on guncotton. Then there is the whole thing with my Godfather who is lord of all things steel at the moment and that puts the military in a bind. FDR is trying to play chess to maneuver himself into a better position for his political career, he thought this whole thing would go in his favor and it has not.”
Dick watched him pick up a different glass and pour himself a new drink, no ice. “How are you so…casual about this?”
“I hate my job. In war you have a purpose against the enemy, in peace everyone looks for one and unfortunately it’s internally.” Nix shrugged. “Stuck in the Navy unless they get rid of me, thanks to getting pushed into Annapolis by Grandpa and threatened by Dad with my trust fund to stay there. I have to stay in so long to pay back that education unless they kick me out.”
Dick hated how he felt at ease around Nix, but also craved it. He could be so flippant and it was incredible that he didn’t care about his image. A nagging voice inside of him, that sounded a lot like Harry, asked Dick why he was so obsessed with his own image. “Wait. Are you saying this court martial is your way out of the Navy?”
Nix turned and lifted his glass in a toast and downed it.
“You knew?!” Dick gasped, dumbfounded.
Nix smacked his lips, savoring the little bit of flavor left in his mouth from the scotch and the notes of pear making it to his olfactory senses. “Naval intelligence, Dick. Probably one of the reasons you were sent to Newport. You do have a type, you know.”
Dick felt like he was so over his head on everything.
“Look, I don’t bring work or politics into the bedroom with me. I bought you. And you needed that excuse to indulge more than any man I have ever met. So, if you are thinking I used you, I didn’t. I just made the offer and you…were superb.” Nix mopped up a dribble of liquor on the side of the glass with his finger and placed it on his lips.
Dick finally sat down. Nix was breathtaking. Maybe he wasn't gay, but just incredibly drawn to this one man. “So what do you want to do about all this?”
“I’d very much like to have sex again when you’re not in denial about it being for more than work, but in regards to our dishonorable discharge and the ongoing court martial?” Nix shrugged. “Let my family handle it. It’s what they do. I’ll talk to Grandpa, tell him your friend Harry’s idea about it being an undercover op of the undercover op. They will sigh in relief. God knows the man has had his share of getting my idiot father out of trouble, from the guy he beat with the pipe to those two guys in his high school class that were all over each other in the yearbook and the reason he goes to France with my Mom.”
“What?” Dick asked.
“We're no strangers to drama and scandal or bisexuality.” Nix said and smiled. “But this is about what you want? Do you want to lie and say we were on the same side all along? Either way it's an end to your career in the Navy, but I happen to know a guy with a factory or two in New Jersey who can use a couple of guys who have a high tolerance for drama, scandal and bullshit.”
Tell me what you like, Nix, show me what you want. Dick felt like his world was crumbling in on itself. Like being below decks and needing fresh air, he was emerging on deck to see an entirely different world than the one he left behind. “How are you so relaxed about all this?”
“I actually enjoy spending time with you and talking to you when you’re not having an internal crisis about how what you truly want will be perceived. And how you might disappoint your family.” Nix winked. “I’m already a huge disappointment to my family, so on the other side of this coin is the fact I can look like I wasn’t fucking up again and played a better hand than Roosevelt.”
“You stood out in a room of nothing but noise.” Dick said, honestly. “I noticed you, beyond your looks, it was this casual confidence. Your bravery. I didn’t lie about any of that.”
“You didn’t lie on the stand, which will be something we can hope nobody asks about. I’m sure the perjury aspect will be brought up, but we can tackle that when it does. You didn’t lie, Dick, if that is any consolation. You lied to yourself about why you came here, but not why you did what you did. I saw it in you from the second we caught each other’s eye. I just have more experience navigating these waters, but it doesn’t make showing them to someone any less exciting.” Nix poured himself another glass.
Dick was in awe of him.
Nix tilted his head and leaned back in his seat, smiled as he raised the glass to his lips, “Going my way?”
Dick could only nod a ‘yes’, because the path out of the storm was straight through it and Nix was a beacon in the distance. Just as he had been a shining light in a room full of men, just as he had been a vision of strength in the courtroom, just as he had extended an offer of intelligence in the aftermath of what should have been utter destruction of them both. There was no reason for Nix to trust him again, but he had known not to trust him to begin with. He waited for the revelation, he needs me as much as I need him. “Why would you trust me again?”
“You reacted as you were taught to react, out of disgust. If you choose to move past this, well, I’d like to assist. I need to reiterate, you are very good in bed. And fun to talk to. I enjoy your perspective, you’re different. It also gets me out of the Navy, and probably into the family business but I’ll just collect my paycheck and never go to work. Travel again. See my dog more.” Nix put his glass down and leaned forward. “More importantly, we got boys locked up on that ship in the harbor who have been there for months as prisoners awaiting trial. I have to get them out of the hold. I used what intelligence training I had to coach them on how to handle interrogations. Whatever fallout comes from this is well earned by the parties who put them there.”
“You say that as if you know something is in the works.” Dick said.
“Yeah, they tossed a guy in there that happens to be ‘friends’ with a journalist. The Jewish Welfare board talked him onto the ship. He isn’t even Jewish, just joined the board so he could be supportive of his guy’s Mom. Anyhow, he thought his friend was missing as there is some family history of vanishing without a trace and turning up like nothing happened, but got wind of him being on this ship with us. I happen to know him from some neighborhood parties. Looks like Harvard might have a win coming their way. This is about to blow up on so many fronts Roosevelt is going to have to resign.” Nix smirked.
“So I…probably was in the crosshairs too. If I didn’t come here tonight.” Dick said.
“Don’t underestimate how far Mrs. Nixon will go to save her baby boy.” Nix said with a smile. “Especially if she already is close with Mrs. Roosevelt who is just about fed up enough with her husband to divorce him.”
Dick blinked. There was a lot going on in this scandal that was way above his head.
“Look, I get it. Being used as a pawn sucks, but you have two choices. Either be casualty or cross the board and become whatever you want.” Nix said and moved his leg so he brushed Dick’s knee. “I think you’re more than a pawn. Actually I know you are, I’ve read your personnel file. A pawn doesn’t mutiny. A pawn doesn’t use his Captain to take control of the men and the ship and call the shots while he’s taking credit for the wins. You can’t help yourself but to take charge. I don’t know why you agreed to this assignment, maybe you don’t either, but I think a politician is pretty good at convincing his people that there is only one right answer and preying upon insecurities they might have. I think you thought you were protecting people? Were you?”
Dick couldn’t believe he was being handed an answer as to why he accepted this mission. To him the YMCA had been a sanctuary and he had not gone beyond that categorization. A sanctuary, like a church, needed to be protected by those who corrupted it. Some of his best times in his life had been hitchhiking around the country and knowing he always had a place to stay at the Y. Where he had people who were like him who…..oh. Oh. “Oh.”
Nix waited for him to digest it all.
“Yeah. I was.”
“Why didn’t you think of the risk to yourself?” Nix asked.
“You made me stop thinking.” Dick admitted.
Nix smiled and stood up, grabbed his coat and winked. “Going my way?”
Dick nodded, “Yeah, yeah I am.”
“Great. So, lunch with the family and then…” Nix said and looked back as Dick stood and interrupted him.
“Wherever the train takes me.” Dick said and wondered if they could someday stop talking in code, but he didn’t want to. It was intimate. Personal. A language only for them.
"I was thinking we are still do back in court but, I'm free this weekend." Nix said with a wink. "Work on your stages of denial."
"I'd like that." Dick admitted.