Chapter Text
Zuko is quiet.
He always has been, but somehow he’s managed to be more so in the last few years. Toph and him have grown close, hell, Zuko would say, she's his best friend, the only one he feels like treats him the same as they treat everyone else. Katara is always scolding or reprimanding him. Aang is always giving him sad looks and puppy dog eyes, and well then there’s—never mind.
He just hasn’t been the same since Sokka left for college. He was supposed to say goodbye. They were going to try long distance. He waited all day for Sokka to show up. He promised he’d be there at noon. He waited at the pier, their spot for hours. Waited even after the sun went down. Unable to face the truth. He waited and waited and then waited some more. At some point well after the moon had risen, his thoughts were interrupted by a soft voice in the distance calling his name. It wasn’t Sokka.
Zuko didn’t turn around. Just continued dangling his legs over the dock.
“Zuko?” The voice repeated. They were getting closer. Zuko now recognized it as Katara.
She came closer. Taking a seat next to him.
“What are you doing here?” He finally asked after a long silence. He didn’t want to speak till he knew his voice would be steady.
“I could ask the same of you… but I suppose we both are missing my brother.” She replied earnestly, turning to look at him.
He turned his head quickly not wanting her to see the tears he was holding back. Unbeknownst to her she had just confirmed to him that Sokka really had left without saying goodbye.
“What could there possibly be to miss?” He retorted standing quickly to leave.
“Zuko wait!” Katara made to follow him, “ I- did, did something happen?” She asked. She had known Zuko long enough to know that this was how he acted when he was hurt. He would lash out to hide his true feelings. But he had been doing so much better. Surely it couldn’t have just been her brother leaving. They had both been sad, but they weren’t breaking up unless something had changed —
“I don’t know what happened! Ask your jerk brother!” He shouted stomping off.
Katara yelled after him. She was confused, if Sokka had broken up with Zuko surely he would have told her on their drive to drop him off.
˗ˏˋ ✸ ˎˊ˗
Zuko would usually go home to his uncles on a night like this, but he was away at a tea convention learning about new products for his shop. He could still go back to his room but the thought of being alone caused a sinking feeling in his chest.
In the past, he would have let himself suffer. He didn’t know any other way. Even now he felt pulled in two different directions. His brain told him to be strong and to toughen up and go handle things like a man, by himself. But his feet carried him to a different doorstep.
He stood outside. He made it all the way to her door but couldn’t bring himself to knock. He stood there staring off into the abyss and contemplated just turning around.
He didn’t have time to act on those thoughts much longer though, as they were interrupted when the door swung open revealing some random girl he had never seen before. She had broad shoulders and looked like she lifted weights for a living. Just his sister's type, of course, he would be interrupting a date. It's just his luck.
“Who is it?” He heard his Azula holler from somewhere off in the distance.
“Do you have a random mopey ex-boyfriend I don’t know about?” the girls shouted back, sizing Zuko up.
He didn’t appreciate being stared at or being called mopey.
“What??” Azula asked, coming to the door, “Oh, this is Zuko.” She said matter of factly.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I will leave.” He lowered his head slightly and turned around, his feet crunching on the stone pathway. He didn’t even knock, how did they know he was outside anyway? ‘Stupid fancy house with stupid fancy cameras probably,’ he thought.
“Zuko, come back here.” Azula scolded, “Why are you being so sulky?”
He huffed and continued his trudging off her driveway. He made it all the way down when he heard ‘Zulas ‘date’ make some quip about how ‘you weren’t kidding he really is moody’
“I’m not moody!” He shouted, he was practically pulling his hair out.
Azula said something kirtley to her date, who immediately mumbled an apology and headed back inside. “Zuko come back here.” she sighed following him down the driveway. She didn’t even have shoes on, and this wasn’t the neighborhood for shouting in the middle of the night. Not that she cared about what the neighbors thought; she just didn’t want to deal with them calling the police. “Zuko don’t make me stay out here all night. Just come inside.” She reached for him and pulled him gently by the fabric of his jacket. He let her lead him in.
He toed off his shoes at the entry quickly before stomping past her to the room she kept for him at her house. It hadn’t changed much since he had stayed with her for a few months last year. It was a temporary arrangement she made for him after Father had been taken to prison, and Before Uncle had gotten his affairs in order and moved back to the State. Zuko had crashed there a few times since then, especially when Uncle was away, but he tried to stay out of Azula's way as much as possible. He knew she was busy, running a company by herself.
He shut the door quietly and laid down. The sheets smelled stale. He was cold. He wanted to cry. Maybe he was crying. Were his cheeks wet?
There was a knock at the door and he twisted, pulling the covers up to hide himself.
The door creaked open.
“Are we gonna talk about the dramatics you just pulled out there?”
He stayed silent. A new theme for him.
“Zuko. Come on, what was that about?” Azula asked. She wasn’t mad, but Zuko couldn’t place the emotion in her voice. Maybe concerned?
He couldn’t look at her while he was crying. He didn’t want to be seen as weak. How foolish could he be? Crying over a boy he hadn’t even been with for 12 months? Maybe it was also bringing up some other issues. Some feelings of inadequacy. Words his father said to him proving themselves true. He sniffled in an attempt to catch his breath.
Azula heard it. She didn’t say anything but the stutter in her movement was enough for him to know. She placed an awkward hand on his shoulder. She was not the best at affection, though she did try, and that went a long way.
“Did something happen with that boy you were seeing?”
How did she know? Was he always that easy to read? Maybe, but she knew more than anyone else. He never had to tell her. Even Uncle didn’t see half as much as she did. It was like she had a book called ‘What’s going on with Zuko.’ She rarely missed.
“No I broke up with him a while ago,” Zuko lied meekly
“Zuko… are you lying to me or are you lying to yourself?”
“I’m not lying.”
“ I guess that answers my question, “ she hummed. There was a pause before she spoke again, “Did you break up with him because he was leaving for college?” She asked.
Azula was good. She knew what to ask to get the information out of him. Knew to play into his antics just enough to get him to talk. They both knew she knew he was lying, but pretending made things easier.
“Yeah.”
“How’d you do it?” She prodded gently
“I was a real jerk.” Zuko whispered taking the bait, “I told him to meet me at the pier to say goodbye and then never showed up. Blocked his number and everything.”
Azula sighed even though her heart ached a little bit at that, and she’d be the first to tell you how cold it usually was. She didn’t say anything for a moment, just rubbed her brother's back with the hand she had on his shoulder, contemplating her next move. She decided to end the ruse, “ I’m sorry Zuko, no one deserves to be treated that way. It’s cowardly and deplorable. He shouldn’t have done that to you.”
Zuko had a steady stream of tears now. He was shaking slightly. Too many emotions flooding him. He wanted to break things. He wanted to cry and scream. He wanted to break himself.
Azula always knows.
“Come with me. I have something that may help.” She said.
She led him to her kitchen.
“I don’t understand. What are you gonna bake me a cake?” he snarked, whipping at his face.
“No, this is better than a cake,” She smirked, opening one of the cabinets. She grabbed one of the glass bowls. It was thick ceramic. Heavy. Probably expensive. Azula apparently didn’t care. She hurled the dish across the room towards the wall shattering it into thousands of tiny pieces. “Your turn,” she said, smiling, and handing Zuko a large plate that matched.
“Ar-arent these expensive?” Zuko asked, turning the plate around in his grasp.
“Nah I bought them from the thrift store. I go through these cabinets too often to spend good money on dishware. I keep the nice stuff downstairs.”
“That's not unhinged at all,” Zuko smiled glumly but obliged her, throwing the plate against the wall with full force.
Maybe she was on to something. It felt good to break things. To watch the glass fly out of your hand and shatter against the wall.
They went on like that emptying the cabinet till there was nothing left and they were exhausted.
Azula would call the cleaners in the morning to handle the mess. Now was time for rest.
“Why don’t you change into pajamas and we can sleep in the living room?” She asked but it was more of a statement coming from her, “I’ll find a movie.”
Zuko nodded… He was now too tired to be sad or question anything. He changed and walked to the living room.
Azula's house was sumptuous but minimalistic. Aside from two photos on her refrigerator - one of her, Iroh and Zuko and another of her Ty Lee and Mai - she had few other decorations or personal items in the space. The furniture was arranged for optimal functionality. Everything was neat and neutral aside from the occasional red accent color.
Zuko walked through the empty hallway towards the living room, his feet feeling cold against the hard oak floors. Azula had a movie loaded up but it was paused and he could hear her upstairs shuffling around a bit. Probably changing.
He took his usual spot on the couch and curled his arms around himself. His eyes drooped. At some point, he felt a blanket drape over him. And the couch sinks beside him. He was half asleep but still felt his sister's arms fall over him. She wouldn’t be doing it if she knew he was still lucid enough to remember. So he tried to soak it in while he had the chance and they both could pretend it never happened.
˗ˏˋ ✸ ˎˊ˗
When he woke up Azula was gone, the house was clean, and a note was on the coffee table.
Zuko-
There is not much in the fridge. You can order something for delivery if you would like. I left cash on the counter. I’ll be home around 3:00 with a late lunch otherwise. Uncle says he won’t be home for a few more days so I’ve made arrangements to have someone pick up a few of your things to bring over. He wants you to call him.
Talk soon,
~ ‘Zula
˗ˏˋ ✸ ˎˊ˗
That first night wasn’t the hardest though it wasn’t even the next night. It felt like it just got worse and worse until Zuko was nothing more than a walking void.
School started. At first, Zuko sat with Aang, Toph, and Katara like he always had but seeing them made him angry and resentful so he started sitting by himself. The others never forgot about him and they still tried to talk with him every chance they had, they also knew not to push too hard.
Katara tested his limits most of all. She would try every now and then to ask about what happened. It was always too soon. Zuko would either lash out or tell her to ask her her “jerk brother” just like he had that night on the pier.
The problem was Sokka refused to talk about it too. He always changed the subject when she brought it up, and though she would always be by her brother's side it did seem like he had been the one in the wrong here.
He was living his best life in college. Posting photos to socials of all his adventures and new friends. He seemed to have a new guy or girl around him every week.
On the other hand, Zuko was isolating himself. She and Aang rarely saw him anymore. Sometimes he would sit with Toph or Suki, but he never said much to them either. He was picking fights with Jet again, although to be fair Jet was being a real jerk. It broke her heart to see him growing so distant and see him returning to his gloomy despair. She wanted to know why they broke up. What happened?
About 3 months after Sokka's departure things really came to a head. Everyone was preparing for Thanksgiving break. Zuko was sitting at a table in the cafeteria, head in his arms. He looked like he was trying to sleep: everyone gave him a wide berth, no one made to sit by him until Toph got her food and sat directly across from him. He said nothing. Neither did she. Suki sat next. taking the spot beside Zuko. She sat close enough that their sides were touching but not smooshing each other.
Katara sat with Aang at the table behind them. When she started eating she looked at her phone and felt her heart drop. Sokka had posted a photo with a girl from school with the caption “It’s official” She wished he was here so she could scream at him. Tell him how insensitive he was being. He just broke things off with Zuko, his long-term boyfriend of almost a year, 2 months ago. What was he thinking? What was he doing?
She took a screenshot of his photo and sent it to him with a quick text.
Katara: What the hell is this?
Sokka: !! Exciting, right!? That’s Yue. We've been getting to know each other since the semester started. Way out of my league.
Katara: Sokka… I think it might be a little soon. I mean you dated Zuko for a long time and then you only broke up with him a couple of months ago. I want you to be happy but is this serious?
Sokka: Is Zuko okay?
Katara: Really? You're going to ask that now?
Sokka: Is he?
Katara: I don’t know. He's pretty sad. I don’t think he saw your post yet.
Katara (again): He’s been pretty sad for months. I’ve been trying to tell you, but you always change the subject.
Sokka: I’ll take the post down.
Katara: Is that all you're gonna say?
Her brother didn’t text her back after that. Everyone was going about their lunch as normal otherwise.
“Hey, Oscar the grouch” Toph inquired, kicking Zucko under the table.
“Oscar the grouch? “ Suki laughed, “I think him more of Eeyore than anything.”
Zuko huffed, lifting his head slightly.
“Is he looking at me?” Toph asked.
“Yeah,” Suki replied.
“Good.” She smiled, “As I was saying, Oscar the grouch, Zuko, Mr Grumpy Pants, I happen to know that your birthday is coming up.”
“You're turning seventeen right?” Suki interjected
Zuko nodded lowly “I don’t want to do anything though.”
“Well, I didn’t ask if you ‘wanted’ to do something did I?” Toph said, “Besides you’re going whether you want to or not because I got tickets for us all to see the Kyoshi Warriors, they are performing their new album and the tickets aren’t refundable,” She slammed 5 tickets to the table, “you can thank me later.”
“Pretend to be happy Zuko,” Suki taunted playfully, “we know you are trying to turn into a recluse, but you can’t expect us to just sit idly by and let you without some push back…indulge us for your birthday, will you?”
“Can I think about it?” He asked.
“No!” Toph yelled, shoving a ticket towards him, “Katara is driving and we will pick you up at 7:00 sharp.”
“Okay,” Zuko said, giving in.
“Toph,” Katara said from behind, “If Zuko doesn’t want to go, we really shouldn’t make him, it is his birthday after all.”
“ Zuko is going, and that’s that.” Toph insisted on closing the topic for discussion. Despite her never-ending efforts to get him out of his comfort zone, Toph was definitely his favorite. He couldn’t tell her no.
˗ˏˋ ✸ ˎˊ˗
The bell rang ending lunch and Zuko took his time to his next class. He didn’t care so much about being late. The halls were pretty much empty by the time he made it to his locker. Aside from someone off to his side. He couldn’t tell much about who they were since it was his bad side.
“Thought you’d be more angsty than normal today,” they said, stepping closer. It was Jet.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Zuko snarled.
“Nothing, Nothing” Jet replied putting his hands up in faux surrender, “ I just thought you’d be upset about Sokka’s post about getting a girlfriend. He moved on real fast, thought you’d be more broodish about it.”
“What are you talking about?!”
Jet smiled, reaching for his phone, “Oh you didn’t see? Here I took a screenshot,” He said, pulling up the photo.
“Why the hell are you showing me this?!” Zuko yelled, shoving the phone out of his face, “He can do whatever the hell he wants! I don’t care!”
“Sureeeee” Jet laughed, “Getting all angry and shouting is exactly what I would expect from someone who doesn’t care.”
“You don’t know what you're talking about!”
“Oh? But don’t I Zuko?” Jet sneered leaning in closer, “ You’ve been acting extra miserable since Sokka left you. Ya’ know? When he missed your stop on the goodbye trail? You waited for him for so long. It was so pathetic, I almost went over to talk to you.”
“How do you know that?” Zuko asked more seriously this time.
“Oh don’t worry Zuko, I’m not stalking you if that’s what you're thinking, just a lucky coincidence I got to see the downfall of the scarhead who stole my ex from me”
“You were broken up for months when we started dating! I never stole anyone!”
“Sure Zuko believe what you want.”
Zuko shoved him. He couldn’t help it. He was so sad. So angry. He wanted to break things. Wanted to break himself he thought again, Jet was the next best thing. Zuko was usually good at fighting, but it was like he was intentionally pulling punches, and letting Jet get them in. Like he wanted to get hurt as much as he wanted to hurt.
The principal, Mr Piandao pulled them apart after the commotion had attracted the attention of the nearby classroom teachers.
He didn’t see that Katara had been there too, that she had tried to pull Jet off of him. He didn’t even recognize the sound of her voice in the chaos. He just saw black.
The principal walked him and Jet to his office but rather than stick around, Zuko left. He was good at hiding from his problems. He didn’t have anywhere to go this time though. Uncle and Azula would both have questions if he went there. He could hear them both, “Why aren’t you in school? What happened? Are you okay? Did someone hurt you?” He didn’t want to deal with it.
He walked to the pier and sat on the dock where he and Sokka used to hang out after school. It hurt to be there. It was the first time back since that night a couple of months ago. He laid down at the end of it near the water. He listened to the ocean. He thought about Sokka. He thought about his dad.
“You have the face only a father could love” he cooed in Zuko's ear on more than one occasion. It made Zuko feel sick, but he knew his father was right. Then his dad went to jail for money laundering, while they investigated him for other crimes, and Zuko started dating Sokka, and he thought maybe just maybe his father was wrong. Now he just felt silly for ever hoping or believing such a thing. Of course, no one would ever find him truly beautiful, not with a face like his. He just couldn’t understand why Sokka pretended. Why he would do that to him? Was it all just to get back at Jet, did Zuko truly mean nothing to him?
Zuko knew he was blocked on Sokka's phone. The text bubbles weren’t blue anymore, and the message said ‘sent’ instead of delivered, but he texted anyway.
Zuko: Why did you do this to me?
Zuko: I thought you loved me.
Zuko: I just wish you didn’t pretend, you gave me hope, and I just feel so stupid and gullible.
Zuko: I love you.
Zukos fingers were shaking as he typed. He was ugly crying now as he typed the final message.
Zuko: You made me think my dad was wrong. You made me think someone else could love me.
It wasn’t exactly an admittance, but it was the closest he’d ever get, even if it was to a number that would never receive it.
He thought about throwing the phone into the water and letting it sink. He prayed to Agni that Sokka would call him. That he’d tell him that he did love him and that he was sorry. Then his thoughts got darker. Instead of thinking about the phone sinking to the bottom, he thought about what it would be like to watch himself get dragged under the water. To be held down there by some unknown weight or force. He was tracing the grain of the wood with his fingertips when he heard footsteps approaching.
“Zuko?”
Why was it always Katara? He prayed it may have been anyone else, but he knew that voice.
Zuko loved her, how could he not? She had been one of his best friends since middle School. She knew him even before he had his scar. It was just that looking at her now reminded him too much of Sokka. They had the same eyes. The same striking features. Sure she was much more feminine-looking than Sokka, but they were two sides of the same coin otherwise.
“Please go,” Zuko squeaked out. There was no bite behind it. In fact, he sounded utterly heartsick.
“Everyone’s out looking for you…” She took the spot next to him, gently squeezing his hand tight in both of hers, “your uncle is worried about you, he’s been looking for you for hours. I told him I might know where to find you.” She smiled.
“Thanks for letting me know,” He was putting his walls back up and closing off. Katara hated when he did that.
“Zuko, I’m so sorry for what my Broth-”
“It’s fine, I get it. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to be with me either,” He spoke plainly.
“Zuko! Don’t say that,” Katara protested, “You did nothing wrong. My brother is an idiot. He should never have done that to you. It’s unacceptable. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”
“I think common sense,” Zuko replied sullenly, “Seriously Katara, I was never good enough for him, I was just fooling myself.”
“You are good enough Zuko, I promise you are.”