Chapter Text
"Huh?" James says intelligently.
He turns to face his girlfriend, leaning against the wall in the hallway, but barely notices her scowling, face red as her hair, as his eyes don't move from their target. Namely one Sirius Black, sauntering, swaggering, past with a cigarette behind his ear. That's points off already, but if James can catch him actually smoking-
"Um," he coughs awkwardly, tears his eyes away from Black and looks at Lily. He cringes at her expression and takes her hand. "Sorry, dear, I missed that again."
She rolls her eyes at him and sighs wearily. "See, this is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm trying to break up with you for not paying any attention to me and you miss it because you're not paying any bloody attention to me."
"I- what?"
"We are breaking up," she tells him slowly, like he's four. Or just terminally stupid. "Because you are not interested in me."
James splutters. "I'm interested-"
"It's okay, James." She gives him back his hand and he stares at it like it's a foreign object, a gift she's given that he doesn't even want. "I'm not particularly interested in you either."
"Oh," he blinks stupidly. "I suppose that's all right then."
Lily smiles and hugs him. "I suppose it is."
It's not all right.
She tosses her red hair over her shoulder and looks back at him, unsure for the first time.
"Still friends though. Yeah?"
James nods, not trusting himself to speak. He doesn't feel heartbroken, not exactly, but he spent all those years chasing her. She was the end goal. If he's not supposed to be with Lily forever, well… what's he supposed to do?
Who's he supposed to be?
Brushing these thoughts aside, he decides to focus instead on catching Black. He stalks outside in a daze, automatically heading for Black's usual smoking spot.
He's there, clad in a leather jacket, leaning against the wall like he's cool instead of an insufferable toerag.
"Not supposed to be out here, Black. Definitely not supposed to be smoking."
Black shrugs. He doesn't jump or get a fright, which is disappointing, but unsurprising, given how many detentions James has given him this year alone.
"And why are you out here so late, Potter?" he says in that low drawl of his that always makes James' skin itch.
"None of your business," he says haughtily.
Black smirks and shakes his packet of cigarettes at him. "Did you want one?"
Thinking about it later, James isn't really sure what happened. Black wasn't even especially offensive – no more than usual, anyway – but one minute, he's staring at a cigarette and the next, him and Black are being hauled off each other, fists flying and kicks landing into nothing but air.
It's Professor Slughorn. He is, of course, using magic to force them off one another. The man is lazy to a fault, and gets winded walking upstairs.
"Boys! This is outrageous behaviour. Who started these ridiculous fisticuffs?"
Fisticuffs. What an interesting man.
James has barely finished thinking this before Black blurts out, "I did, sir. Potter was trying to give me detention."
James stares in amazement, but Black won't look at him.
"Fine, fine. You can both have that detention then. That'll teach you to cause a ruckus."
It's James' first detention. He should be horrified, sick, disgusted with himself. But really, he's just confused.
Why did Black take the fall for him?
****
"So… you hit Black?"
"Allegedly, yes."
They're in the dorm, sitting on James' bed for a bit of privacy, trying to hash out the details of James' detention. Peter is in his usual striped pyjamas, Remus in unmatching bits and bobs. James is, of course, in a Quidditch t-shirt. They should be asleep, but they haven't had a minute to discuss this privately.
"And he hit you back?" Remus continues.
"So I'm told."
"Cor," breathes Peter.
"Then Professor Slughorn pulled you apart?" Remus continues probing.
"That seems to be about the size of it."
"You know," says Remus irritably, poking James quite hard in the shoulder, "for someone who was there and apparently instigated all of this, you appear to know comparatively little about it."
"I know!" snaps James, running a hand through his already diabolical hair. "I think I blacked out or something. Lily had just dumped me and I was upset, all right?"
There's silence for a moment. They haven't really discussed the Lily thing. It's a bit awkward, her being Remus' best mate and all.
Eventually, Remus breaks the silence.
"What I don't understand is, why he would help you at all? You hit him. Over nothing!"
"I dunno," says James, glumly, "guess I'll ask him in detention."
Another long silence falls between them.
"Cor," says Peter again. James nods.
****
James doesn't know exactly what he expected walking into detention, but it wasn't Black sitting with his legs up on a desk, grinning at him and pulling another seat out.
"Potter! Pull up a pew, what're you in for?"
James blinks, staring around and eventually seeing Professor Slughorn slumped on the desk, seemingly fast asleep.
"Um," James points at him, "is he okay? Should we wake him?"
Black barks out a laugh.
"He's fine, he always sleeps during detention. I cast a little spell so he can't hear us either."
"Oh," James takes a seat beside Black. "Sorry for, you know… getting you into this."
Black waves away his apology and gestures at two quills on another desk, rapidly writing away.
"They're doing our lines. Sluggy's such a soft touch with Slytherins, he didn't even take points. He's the only professor that likes me, Merlin knows why." He considers this for a moment. "Well. Except maybe Minnie." He turns to James very seriously, "But that's purely physical, of course."
That surprises a laugh out of James, which in turn makes Black laugh too.
"Anyway," James says softly, "thank you, Black."
Black surprises him again by giving him a genuine smile. Not a grin or a smirk, but a smile. It suits him, lights up his whole face, which is obviously attractive to start with. You know. Objectively speaking. His smile is wide, shows his wolfish canines, but somehow it suits him.
"Sirius."
"What?" James is started out of his reverie. Sirius smiles again and James may have had something odd for dinner because his stomach is doing odd flips.
"It's Sirius, not Black. And you're James, not Potter, yeah? We're doing time together, the least we can do is use first names."
James laughs, "Yeah, okay, Sirius. It's a deal."
****
Before James knows it, him and Sirius are chatting away like they've been friends forever. He's never had a best friend, not really, and he thinks, a bit sadly, that in another life, maybe it could've been Sirius.
The only problem is he might be getting a sickness bug or something because his stomach is doing backflip after backflip.
"It's a shame we've been enemies all this time," James says, a bit wistfully.
"You were never my enemy. Am I yours? Really?"
"I…" James trails off. "You're the only one with grades as good as mine."
Sirius raises an eyebrow. His eyebrows are terribly attractive, thinks James, and almost misses Sirius' response.
"Your girlfriend has just as good grades, if not better. You mean I'm the only Slytherin with grades as good as yours, right?"
James cringes, because actually… yes.
"Sorry," he mutters.
Sirius just shrugs, "I always quite liked competing with you. You made me better. I just thought it was a shame we never worked together. I think our magic would really complement each other. But I knew you'd never work with a Slytherin."
He sighs sadly.
"She's not, by the way," James blurts out.
Sirius looks at him blankly. "Who's not what?"
"Lily. She's not my girlfriend. Anymore. We broke up. Well, she dumped me, actually."
"Oh," he says softly and touches James arm gently, so gently, but yet it burns. "I'm so sorry."
Remus and Peter have been so awkward about talking about it. It feels good to have someone just be nice to him.
"Thank you," he says genuinely, smiling gratefully. "It's okay, we'd been drifting apart."
"Wow. I thought you two were a super couple." He squeezes James' arm and James can't breathe. He supposes he's sad about Lily or something,
"Tell me about it."
They're quiet for a bit before Sirius breaks the silence, still touching him
"I never wanted to be a Slytherin, you know." He says quietly, not looking at James.
"What? But your whole family are in Slytherin."
"Yeah," says Sirius, bitterness dripping from his words like poison. "And I hate almost my entire family, as well as all my dorm mates. And the feeling is mutual. If it wasn't for Reg, I'd be so lonely here and at home."
"I'm lonely too," admits James, quietly. "I mean, I have my friends, but it feels like we've been drifting lately. Maybe I've been too focused on other things, I dunno."
Sirius nods, murmurs, "Yeah, I get it." It's unspoken, but they're both thinking how they could've been friends all this time. "Merlin, I hate the House system. What a great way to segregate us based on something you decide about us when we're eleven."
James reels, "I… never thought about it that way."
Sirius shrugs, "Most people don't. I just think it's sad. You're saying Gryffindors are brave and Hufflepuffs are loyal… so Gryffindors can't be loyal and Hufflepuffs can't be brave? Ravenclaws can't be ambitious, Slytherins can't be smart?" He sighs, "Never mind, it's just something that's bothered me ever since I went sobbing to Dumbledore wanting to be in Gryffindor and got a slap from my mother for my efforts."
Sirius laughs but it's hollow.
"What are you going to do after school, Sirius?"
Sirius brightens.
"That I know. I'm going to move to Muggle London, get a motorbike and be a painter or a poet or something. Something to really embarrass mother."
James laughs heartily and Sirius bumps his shoulder. James tries to ignore his flippy stomach.
"What about you?"
James is quiet for a moment. "I always thought I'd play Quidditch, but I feel like the Wizarding World is heading to a dark place. I'm thinking of becoming an auror to try and help."
Sirius nods. "Hero boy."
James smiles softly, "Something like that."
****
When detention is over and they wake Professor Slughorn up, he gives them a half-hearted speech about fisticuffs while they nod sagely and mutter apologies. Then they're free to go. Yet, they both linger, neither wanting the moment to end.
"Smoke?" Sirius asks, shaking the pack at him, exactly like he had done the previous night. James can't help but laugh, and well. He's never smoked before, but.
In for a knut, right?
It has nothing to do with the electricity buzzing pleasantly between them.
He goes outside with him. It's very cold, but Sirius is warm.
****
When he eventually gets back, Remus and Peter are waiting up for him.
They're sitting in the common room, fire burned away to nothing, lights off. Sat there, arms folded in their jammies. It's a difficult tableau to take very seriously.
"Alright, lads?"
"'Alright lads?' You get back this late and that's all you have to say?" Remus asks incredulously.
James hesitates, thinks about it.
"Yes."
"How was it?" asks Peter. "How was he?"
"Sirius?" James asks and feels suddenly short of breath. Must have been the cigarettes, he knew he should have stopped at one. "He's not so bad, actually. Quite cool. For a Slytherin, I mean."
He feels guilty. Sirius is great and Slytherin means nothing. But he's still sorting that out in his head and his heart, and he doesn't want to share it with his friends, not yet.
They're staring at him.
"Don't you mean Black? You never call him Sirius." Splutters Peter.
"No," says James firmly. He'll stick by this, anyway. "I meant Sirius."
Remus sniffs the air, narrows his eyes at him, "Have you been smoking?"
"No," says James.
He pushes past them and goes to bed.