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Cole was missing dinner once again, and Jay’s heart ached for his boyfriend. Things were weird since Morro. Cole was a ghost, Nya was the elemental master of water, Lloyd was obviously not doing well after having been possessed by Morro for a few weeks and Jay? Jay was more confused about his feelings than ever after seeing his future with Nya in the tomb.
But his reawakened feelings for Nya didn’t mean that Jay loved his boyfriend any less than before, and it concerned him that the black ninja kept missing dinner and seemed to retreat from the team more and more.
“Where’s Cole? It’s not like him to miss dinner, which he has done three times this week already,” Zane asked, concern barely hidden.
Everyone turned to Jay, expecting him to know the answer. Of course they assumed he knew, but he was just as concerned as everyone else.
Jay sighed deeply. “I don’t actually know. I haven’t seen him this afternoon, I was working on the thruster issue the bounty seems to have lately,” He said, shaking his head with a sigh.
“Turning into a ghost has been hard on him. Maybe he just needs time alone to figure things out,” Nya suggested. Jay did notice the guilty look flashing over Lloyd’s face and wondered if their youngest brother would ever completely heal from the horrors he’d gone through recently. Only time could tell.
“It’s still not like him to miss dinner. Any idea where he might be?” Kai asked.
“I’ll go looking for him after dinner,” Jay promised. He needed to talk to Cole either way.
The rest of dinner was rather tense, without the usual joking and laughing, and Jay couldn’t wait for it to end. When it finally did he started searching for Cole.
Jay found Cole on the roof of the shack, staring into the darkening sky. Without hesitation he airjitsued (cyclondoed) up to his boyfriend. It was a rather cloudy evening and it had rained several times over the course of the day, which concerned Jay. In case of rain Cole would be exposed to the water up here. Water that could easily kill Cole.
“Hey,” he said softly, sitting down next to his boyfriend who didn’t even look at him. “We missed you at dinner,” he continued.
Still, Cole didn’t react with anything other than a huff.
“It’s gonna rain soon. We better head inside,” Jay tried again. This time Cole just shrugged but still didn’t say anything. When Jay tried to put a hand on his shoulder his hand just phased through the ghost.
“Cole, please… talk to me,” Jay pleaded.
Honestly he didn’t know what to do. He just wanted Cole to be okay, he just wanted Cole to hang out with everyone again, but the ghost seemed to retreat more and more the more the team tried to be there for him.
This time Cole turned his head to Jay and gave him a deep sigh. “Why does it matter anyways?” He asked quietly.
“Because you matter, Cole. Please, let’s head inside before it rains, okay?” Jay answered.
How much he wanted to hug Cole right now… But he doubted he could, as Cole was… well. A ghost. Not solid unless he focussed on it. Cole just shrugged once again.
“Cole, come on. It could start raining any second, and… I don’t want you to get hurt. You can continue moping in your room where you’re not in danger of dying,” Jay tried again, and this time Cole seemed to listen to him.
“Alright,” he said, getting up and just jumping down the roof. Of course. He was a ghost. He couldn’t die from height anymore. Jay rather used airjitzu to get a soft landing, and without any more words they headed inside, just in time as it started to rain.
Jay followed Cole towards his room. “You can stop following me now, Jay. I’m not in danger anymore,” the ghost snapped.
“Maybe not in danger from the rain, but… Cole, we need to talk. This can’t continue, you know?” Jay said, but Cole ignored him and just walked through the closed door. Right. Ghost. Cole didn’t need to open a door to get through anymore.
But Jay did, and he was not going to give up on trying to talk to Cole. His boyfriend was hurting, and he couldn’t just stand by anymore.
So he opened the door and followed Cole in. “You’re not going to leave me alone, are you?” Cole asked, sounding annoyed and kinda defeated as he flopped down on his bed.
Jay grinned. “Nope, I’m gonna pester you until you finally stop being an idiot and start talking to me,” he replied, sitting down next to Cole.
“I’m not being an idiot. Just leave me alone,” Cole snapped, and Jay couldn’t help but feel hurt. He just wanted to help, he just wanted to be there for Cole.
“Yes, you are being an idiot, Cole, and that’s coming from me! I’m worried about you! We all are! You keep missing dinner, you stay in your room most of the time, you barely hang out with us anymore. And whenever anyone tries to talk to you you just keep pushing us away! You keep pushing me away, and that hurts. I miss you. We all miss you,” Jay burst out.
He wouldn’t let his boyfriend go on like this, if Cole wanted help or not. He had to do something! It worried him greatly that Cole had seemed so calm outside, even when knowing that it would rain any minute. That Cole didn’t even seem to care about his own life anymore.
“What good is it to go to dinner if I don’t need to eat?” Cole asked quietly. “What good is it to spend time with anyone when I can’t even do anything? I’m a ghost, Jay. I’m technically not even alive anymore.” Cole sounded like he was about to cry. “I can’t even cry, you know? It feels like I can’t do anything.”
Jay really wanted to hug the other ninja, but when he tried he couldn’t touch him, which made Cole scoff. “See? You can’t even hug me anymore,” he said. “At least not when I’m not fully focussing…”
Jay sighed deeply. “Cole, you’re not useless. You saved us several times while being a ghost already. Like, when you controlled the mech or opened the lock at cloud kingdom, and you also pulled Kai and Lloyd out of the water, remember? You’re not useless.
And Zane doesn’t need to eat either, and he still never misses dinner. It’s about spending time together, you know? You’re part of the team, dammit! We need you! I need you!” Jay knew he sounded desperate, but he had to get it into Cole’s thick ghostly skull.
But once again, the black ninja just sighed deeply. “Jay… We don’t know how long I can live as a ghost. I didn’t have a reflection, remember? And what does anything even matter if I’m doomed anyways? Better just…” Cole stopped, shaking his head. “Forget it, okay? I’m fine. Just leave me alone.”
“No. I’m not gonna… you’re hurting, Cole. I know you, so don’t deny it. You’re not gonna die! Because… because then I’d be alone, and I need you…” And then, Jay realised something.
“Wait. Are you pushing us away so it won’t hurt as much if you fade away or die or whatever?” He asked, reaching his hand out for Cole’s, hoping to meet something solid and not just phase through it. Luckily it worked, and Cole gave him just the hint of a smile as he grabbed Jay’s hand.
It broke Jay’s heart when Cole slowly nodded, looking at Jay with a deep sadness in his eyes. “Cole… You won’t fade away. You won’t die. You can’t,” Jay said softly, squeezing Cole’s hand - the only part of his boyfriend that was currently tangible. “We’ll find a way to make sure of that, okay?”
But Cole shook his head. “You can’t know that. We can’t know that. Fucking water can kill me now, Jay. One surprise rainstorm and I’m gone. It feels like… like I’m already dead. Which I am, technically. I’m a ghost, and only dead people are ghosts, right?” The black ninja made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sob. Could ghosts cry?
Jay had to think for a moment before he replied. “You survived so far, didn’t you? You survived Nya finding her true potential - if that water didn’t kill you I doubt some rain would immediately be deadly, but… just in case I’ll always have an umbrella with me, alright? You’re not dealing with this on your own, Cole.
And… and you didn’t die. You got cursed. There’s a difference. You’re still here, Cole. You’re still with me, and that’s all that counts. Just… please stop pushing me away. Stop pushing all of us away, alright? You’re not alone.”
He had to get through to Cole at some point, after all, and it looked like he finally was getting through. “Right… I’m still here,” Cole said, turning so he was looking Jay into the eyes. “I’m still here, and… Sorry for being such an idiot, Jay. You’re… you’re right, I guess. I… I just thought… Everyone’s already dealing with so much, and… Well. Doesn’t matter.” Cole let out a somewhat bitter laugh, shaking his head. “I’ll just have to get used to this, I guess… Me being a ghost, I mean.”
Jay let out a deep breath of relief and gave Cole a soft smile. “Soooo… You’re gonna stop skipping dinner from now on?” He asked, his smile growing bigger when Cole nodded. “I will. And… will you help me to learn to… to focus so I can hug you again?”
“Yeah, of course,” Jay replied - and when he threw his arms around his boyfriend, he was solid, at least for a moment. They would be fine - eventually.