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“When was the last time you slept?” Cassie asked, sitting on Tim’s desk. Bart was sitting on the other side of it, and Kon stood behind Tim, effectively boxing him in.
“Monday,” Tim said, not looking up from his computer.
“Tim, it’s Thursday,” Kon asked, crossing his arms. “It’s time for you to sleep.”
“No!” Tim said, jumping up. “I need to finish this report!”
He grabbed his laptop and leapt over Kon’s head, running into the other room.
Kon sighed, “Bart, get the restraints."
Bart nodded, and in a few moments Tim was tied up. Cassie got up and placed Tim’s computer in a lock box.
“This is for your own good,” Kon said, as Tim struggled in the ropes.
“Yeah right,” Tim said, pouting.
“Let’s get you to bed,” Kon said, lifting Tim. He squirmed in Kon’s grip, despite the ropes. Kon eventually had to grab him by the scruff of his neck. Tim struggled in Kon’s grip, but soon gave up as he realized he wouldn’t be breaking out of Kon’s grip anytime soon. Tim crossed his arms and sat poutily in Kon’s grip as Kon walked him to his room in the tower.
“This isn’t fair,” Tim said, frowning.
“Right,” Kon said, eyeing Tim. “Because we need a sleep deprived leader.”
“I’m not sleep deprived,” Tim said, rolling his eyes.
“Sure, sure,” Bart said, running beside them.
Kon dropped Tim in his bed, and Bart quickly wrapped him up in a swaddle. It didn’t take long for Tim to nod off after that.
Cassie, Bart, and Kon stood beside Tim’s bed, admiring their handy work.
“He’s like a baby,” Cassie said, tilting her head.
Kon frowned, no Tim didn’t remind him of a baby, he had been around Jon enough to know what that was like. This was something different.
“He’s like a bunny,” Bart said.
“That doesn’t even make any sense,” Cassie said, eyeing Bart.
“Yes it does,” Bart said, rolling his eyes. “You just aren’t smart enough to get it.”
“Oh, you’re dead,” Cassie said, trying to tackle Bart, but Bart was too fast. He started running around the room, trying to avoid her.
“He’s like a cat,” Kon said, finally realizing what it was that Tim reminded him of. Tim was like one of Ma’s cat’s kittens. They would run around the house causing chaos, and when Kon or Ma caught one they’d carry it back to its bed by the scruff of its neck. It would squirm for a while until placed in warm blankets then the cat was out like a light.
Cassie and Bart stopped fighting. “You know, you’re kind of right,” Bart said, nodding his head. “If the cat was highly caffeinated."
“Or insane,” Cassie said.
“Yeah,” Kon said, brushing some of Tim’s hair out of his face. Tim sighed softly as Kon’s fingers touched his face.
“Aww,” Cassie and Bart said at the same time. Kon blushed realizing what he had done. Thankfully they were looking at Tim rather than at Kon.
“Do it again,” Bart said, zipping out of the room and back in with a camera in his hands. “I want it on film.”
Kon sighed, Tim was going to kill them if he ever found that footage. But Kon was going to do it anyway, because he was a sucker for Tim.
ฅ^>⩊<^ ฅ
Steph realized her girlfriend was just a cat in a human body early in their relationship. She had known Cass was weird before dating her, that came with the territory of being raised to be a weapon, but she didn’t realize the extent of Cass’s weirdness.
The first time it happened Steph had been taking a nap in her apartment. They were going to meet in an hour, but Cass decided to be early. Steph didn’t mind, all they were going to do was watch a movie and eat popcorn.
They were working their way through the Barbie movies after Cass had revealed to Steph and Babs that she hadn’t seen any girlhood movies. She hadn’t seen any movies in general, but Bruce and the boys didn’t know anything about girlhood, so the movies she had watched were the Godfather and Shawshank.
Steph woke up to her phone buzzing. She turned it over, groaning slightly.
“Surprise,” Cass had written. Steph grinned and got out of bed, rushing to the door.
Cass stood outside the apartment door, in her civvies, a purple sweater and leggings. In her hands she held a necklace.
“For you,” Cass said, handing her the necklace. Steph took it a little confused. The necklace was okay. A thick silver chain and the pedant was a large cross, not something Steph would usually wear. And there was the fact it was covered in blood.
“Where’d you get this?” Steph asked, looking the necklace up and down.
“Black Mask,” Cass said, walking into Steph’s apartment. She gently slipped off her shoes then sat on the couch getting the movie cued up.
“Were you just on patrol?” Steph asked, sitting beside her. The blood was old, but Steph couldn’t tell how old.
“No, I got it last night,” Cass said, smiling. “Now Barbie!”
Steph shrugged, maybe Cass thought she would like it. She walked over to her bedroom and took out an empty shoebox. She gently placed the necklace there, and went back to Cass. This was probably a one off thing.
Steph sat next to Cass, snuggling into her side. She soon forgot about the necklace.
Steph hadn’t thought much of it the second time Cass had done it. They were going to go on patrol together, and Cass met Steph at her apartment. She had her suit in her bag. They would get changed together then go out through the window.
When Steph opened the door, Cass had in her hands a lighter. “For you,” Cass said, once more. Steph took it, smiling. She had been needing a new lighter, but she hadn’t told anyone that yet.
She snapped it open and tried to light it. But Steph soon realized it didn’t have any gas inside.
“Where’d you buy this?”
“Buy?” Cass asked innocently. “I got it from a thug.”
Steph stared at Cass. She was completely serious.
“Does Bruce know about this?”
“Why does he need to know?” Cass asked. “Is it wrong?”
“I want to say so,” Steph said, pondering. “But if it's a criminal I think we can steal from them.”
“Okay!” Cass said. She walked off to get dressed. Steph put the lighter in her box next to the necklace.
It soon became a weekly occurrence, where when Cass would visit she would bring something for Steph. Sometimes she just left it at the door, when Steph was out of the house. They were always different objects. From a tin box used for cigarettes, to a thick high school ring, Steph’s box soon became filled with all the random objects.
But there was one thing in common with it. They were all from Cass’s most recent patrol. She got them from whatever criminal she sent to jail.
On another of their movie nights, Steph was chatting with Barb on the couch. She had taken a break from being Oracle tonight, instead leaving the job to Tim.
“What movies have you guys watched?” Barb asked, flipping through their movie collections. They practically owned every movie to exist, but if they didn’t own it then they would just buy it with Bruce’s credit card.
“We’ve seen all the Barbie movies, and now we’re watching Monster high movies.”
“Ooh, which ones have you seen?” Barb asked, leaning forward. “I always loved Ghoula.”
Steph thought about it. “Only Scaris and Boo York.”
“We should watch the roller rink one,” Barb said, clicking through the channels.
There was a light knock at the door and Steph stood up. “That’s Cass.”
She opened the door, and Cass smiled. She had her hand outstretched and said her customary “for you.”
“Thank you,” Steph said, taking the coin then freezing. “Is this Two Face’s coin?”
Cass just nodded, she then walked over to the couch and sat next to Barb.
“What did she get you?” Barb asked, leaning against the couch to get a better look.
“Gift,” Cass said, shrugging.
“Two Face’s coin,” Steph said, in disbelief.
“Oh, he has five of those he won’t miss it,” Barb said, turning back to the movie. “Nice.” She high fived Cass.
Steph walked over to her bedroom and put the coin in the box.
She sat down next to Cass on the couch as the movie started, but her mind wasn’t really on the movie.
Cass left after the movie finished, having to get back before Bruce realized she wasn’t in the house, apparently Cass was grounded. Who had the nerve to ground a twenty four year old woman, Steph didn’t know what came into Bruce, but it was not working.
“Does she do that to you too?” Steph asked, looking over at Barb.
“Nope,” Barb said, scrolling on her phone. “How does pizza sound?”
“Great,” Steph said, distractedly. She had gotten used to the gifts, but seeing Cass do it in front of other people made her realize how peculiar it really was. “Do you think she does it with Bruce?”
“Probably not,” Barb said.
Steph paused. “Do you think she learned it from the league?”
“I think this is a Cass thing,” Barb said, looking up from her phone. “If you don’t like it you can tell her so.”
Steph frowned. “It’s not that I don’t like it. It’s just weird right?”
“Cass is pretty weird.”
Steph nodded.
A cat meowed outside. Steph stood up, the cat sat in the window, a bird at its feet. Steph had been feeding the cat for a few weeks, and it was just now starting to come into the apartment.
She opened the window and the cat picked up the bird and put it on the floor of Steph’s apartment. The cat had a smug look on its face as it stepped into the apartment.
“Ew,” Barb said, looking at the bird. But Steph just stared at the cat.
“Oh my god, that’s what Cass does,” Steph said, picking up the bird. She had grown up in Gotham, a dead bird was nothing. She tossed the bird outside, and laughed quietly to herself. “Cass is a cat.”
“I don’t know if you should tell her that,” Barb said, looking at the cat suspiciously.
“Don’t you see it? She’s bringing me her hunting. She’s showing her affection.”
“That’s sweet I guess,” Barb said. “She doesn’t bring you dead animals right?”
“No, just stuff she picks up after patrol,” Steph smiled. She picked up her phone and shot a quick text to Cass.
“I love the gift <3<3”
ฅ^>⩊<^ ฅ
It was early in the morning. Light poured through the windows and Roy tried to get up. The light was too bright, he should close the windows, so they could sleep a little longer.
But Roy was being held down by someone. He opened his eyes, to find Jason laying on top of him, his head resting on his chest.
“Jay bird,” Roy said, nudging Jason. Jason rumbled, and buried himself closer to Roy. Roy sighed. “Jay, I need to get up.”
“Mm,” Jason said.
“I know you're awake,” Roy said, trying to push him off but Jason wasn’t going to let go.
“You’re warm,” Jason mumbled, not opening his eyes. His face was buried in the crook of Roy’s neck now. Roy laughed, leaning his head against Jason’s.
“Daddy!” Lian called, running into the room. She jumped onto the bed, sitting on top of Roy and Jason. “Jayjay!”
“Morning,” Roy said, smiling. “Can you close the window, so I can sleep?”
“Sleep?” Lian asked, cocking her head. “But I just got up.”
“It’s seven o’clock,” Roy said, rubbing his eyes. “And Saturday.”
“But I want to go to the park, and I want pancakes!”
“You heard her Jason, we need to get up,” Roy said, nudging. Jason just groaned.
“Five more minutes,” Jason said, his voice low and scratchy with sleep.
“How does five minutes sound?” Roy asked, looking up at Lian.
“I want pancakes now! And I want Jay’s pancakes!” Lian said, crossing her arms.
Jason finally moved, looking up at her from his spot next to Roy. He took one arm and wrapped it around her. He pulled her down, while she squealed. Jason moved back to his former position, Lian now underneath his arm.
“I don’t think Jason wants to get up,” Roy said, as Lian squirmed in his grip, giggling.
“I guess not,” Lian said, pouting.
“The window stays open,” Jason said, his voice slurred like he was going back to sleep. “The sun is warm.”
Lian giggled, “he’s like a kitty.”
“A kitty?” Roy asked. His chest felt warm. He loved that he could finally have these normal kinds of mornings. Ones where they just don’t get out of bed. Ones where he could snuggle with his family in their permanent home.
“Yeah, he sleeps in sunpatches,” Lian said, pointing at Jason’s face. Roy looked at where she was pointing. Lian did have a point, his face was directly in a pool of sunlight.
“He likes warm snuggles too,” Lian said, poking Jason in the face. “And gets grumpy when we try to wake him up.”
Roy paused. Normally he would just take this as one of Lian’s little games, but she did have a point. Jason was like a feral tomcat that they had domesticated.
“So I take it this means, we don’t need to get a cat?”
“What? No!” Lian said, leaning up. “I still want one. It can be friends with JayJay!”
“Fine,” Roy said, ruffling Lian’s hair. “I’ll consider it. After we get Jason out of bed.”
Lian grinned and began poking Jason in the face. Roy laughed at Jason’s grumpy face as he woke up.
ฅ^>⩊<^ ฅ
“Where’d she go?” Diana asked, as she flew over the city. Bruce was beside her, on a motor bike.
“The docks,” Oracle said. Diana didn’t normally work in Gotham, but Cheetah had come to Gotham to work with Harley and Ivy so Diana had to get involved. Bruce wasn’t particularly happy about it, but he needed Diana’s help.
Diana followed Bruce to the Gotham docks. When they got there Bruce breaked quickly, his tires squealing as he tried to slow his acceleration.
“Where is she?” Bruce asked, looking around. Diana did the same, but her eyes were eventually drawn to the water.
“I didn’t know the cat could swim,” Diana said, crossing her arms.
“Fuck, Wing has my boat,” Bruce said, looking around.
“Why don’t we just swim?” Diana asked, pulling her hair into a bun.
“Swim? In the river?” Bruce asked, his face turning ashen.
“Batman, your suit is water proof, nothing is going to harm you,” Diana said, crossing her arms.
Bruce eyed the water. “I don’t like this.”
“It’s not going to bite,” Diana said, dipping her hand into the water. It was pleasantly cool, she dipped it further in, but stopped as she noticed Bruce backing away from her.
“Maybe we should go get a different boat,” Bruce said.
“That will take too much time,” Diana said, beginning to slide into the water. “We need to go after her now.”
Diana dropped into the water and it splashed up. Bruce shrieked and jumped away. Diana let out a small laugh. He was like a cat bowed up after a loud noise.
“Okay, I’ll lead her out of the water and you can arrest her on land,” Diana said, treading water.
Bruce nodded. “That sounds like a good plan. Where will you lead her?”
“Just a block away from the docks, so you don’t have to get your boots wet,” Diana said, smirking.
Bruce scowled, but walked away. Diana had to laugh again. She had never seen him so scared of anything in her time knowing him, but something about the water in Gotham freaked him out.
And now Bruce was sulking. Diana couldn’t tell if it was because Diana had found out, or if it was because he wanted to chase Cheetah but he couldn’t make himself get in the water.
A sneaky part of Diana wanted to tell Clark about this incident but thought better of it. Clark would tease Bruce relentlessly about this.
Diana wouldn’t tease him on it, but she might get him a black cat mug for Christmas this year.
ฅ^>⩊<^ ฅ
Bruce sat in the library, reading quietly. In this house of chaos, this was one of the few places where he could actually find some peace. But it wasn’t just the quiet of the room that drew Bruce there during his time off. It was one of the few places where he didn’t feel like he had to be Batman or Brucie Wayne, he could just be himself.
He was currently reading David Copperfield. Bruce was trying to work his way through the classics so he might have something to talk to Jason about. Jason always seemed less moody if he could talk about Classic Lit.
“Baba,” a small voice called from the door. Bruce looked up from his book, immediately recognizing it as his youngest.
“What is it, Damian?” Bruce asked, closing his book. Damian’s complexion was pale, and his eyes were glassy.
“I don’t feel well, I think Richard gave me an illness,” Damian said, walking into the room. He walked straight up to Bruce and sat in his lap.
Bruce blinked. Damian rarely ever initiated cuddling. He tolerated it from the family, but Damian didn’t seek it out like Dick did. If Damian was feeling cuddly then it must be that he was feeling genuinely terrible.
Bruce felt his forehead. “I don’t think you have a fever? What are your symptoms?”
“Relentless cough, nausea, and fatigue,” Damian said, leaning his head against Bruce’s chest.
“Do you want me to find Alfred and get some medicine?” Bruce asked, rubbing Damian’s back.
Damian made a face. “Mother would not approve of Alfred’s medicines. I believe they are a form of torture my grandfather hasn’t discovered yet.”
“Dami, if you’re feeling bad you need to take medicine, I know it doesn’t taste good, but it’s good for you,” Bruce said, sighing.
“Please don’t make me,” Damian said, looking up at Bruce. His big eyes blinked up at Bruce, and he had to coincide.
“Okay, but later we’re going to get some honey and soup,” Bruce said, leaning back in the chair.
Damian smiled, looking rather smug. These boys knew just how to pull at Bruce’s strings. They knew Bruce would do anything for them and they took complete advantage of it.
Damian leaned back against Bruce’s chest, and closed his eyes.
“Are you taking a nap?” Bruce asked, pulling the quilt he had draped over his legs up to cover Damian.
“No,” Damian said, sleepily. “Assassins don’t take naps.”
Bruce nodded, solemnly. He lifted his hand to card it through Damian’s hair. Damian’s breathing evened out a few moments later. His nose made a weird squeaking sound due to it being stuffed up.
When Bruce was sure Damian was asleep, he picked his book back up. But as he took his hand out of Damian’s hair Damian made a quiet noise. It was halfway between a grumble and a Tt.
The noise reminded Bruce of a small kitten, having just gotten comfortable in someone’s lap, but when they stopped petting them they got grumbly.
Bruce laughed. He placed his hand back in Damian’s hair, and read his book one handed.
They settled into that rhythm. Bruce half wished Damian would get sick more often, just to have him snugglier. This was probably going to be a one and done thing, that Damian would refuse to acknowledge afterwards. So Bruce just enjoyed his time with his son, quietly reading.
ฅ^>⩊<^ ฅ
“Okay, this is enough,” Steph said. She sat at the breakfast table on Sunday morning. Bruce was trying to get them to eat brunch together at least once a month, and Steph had only come because Cass had begged her.
But ever since she saw Cass’s cat-like quirks she couldn’t stop noticing them in the other members of the bat family.
“What’s enough?” Duke asked, looking over at her.
“You’re all cats goddammit,” Steph said, pointing to everyone in the room.
“No we’re not,” Tim said, looking at Steph. “Are you on something?”
“No, hear me out,” Steph said, standing up. “You all act like cats. Look at Dick right now.” Dick was hanging off a chandelier, trying to get onto the banister from there.
“Dick’s always been that way,” Jason said, rolling his eyes. “Don’t lump me in the same category as him.”
“I believe in this metaphor, Richard would be an orange cat,” Damian said.
“Exactly!” Steph said. “How do you explain your milk addiction?” She pointed at the table, which had three cartons of milk on it.
“We don’t have a problem,” Tim said, taking a sip of the coffee he had just put milk in. “We can stop at any time.”
“Sure,” Steph said.
“Hey, we drink chocolate milk,” Dick said, from the rafters. “That’s different.”
“That’s nasty,” Jason said, sipping the almond milk Alfred got specifically for Damian and Jason.
“I do concur that the young masters, and Master Bruce all drink an absurd amount of milk,” Alfred said, walking over to his seat.
“This is hardly any proof,” Tim said, leaning back in his chair.
“Oh, I have proof,” Steph said, pulling out her phone. She showed Tim the texts Kon had sent her a few days ago when Tim fell asleep in his lap.
“Delete that right now!” Tim shouted, trying to grab the phone from Steph but she just stuffed it in her pocket.
“And Cass brings me little gifts like a cat would,” Steph said, looking over at Cass.
“I thought you liked it?” She said, blushing slightly.
“I do! But you need to admit it is rather feline,” Steph said, trying to back track.
“I also agree we are a little cat-like,” Bruce said.
“And I’m not the only one,” Steph said, pulling out her phone. She had a group chat with other people who were dating bat family members, and Roy had sent a photo a few weeks ago of Jason with a cat filter on.
The table erupted into bickering, but eventually they all had to admit they were a little bit like cats. Even if they didn’t like it.