Chapter Text
Six months after that horrible day, the documentary finally aired the first episode. Samira knew some of her colleagues were planning to watch it together, but she had declined the invitations, choosing to watch it alone at home. There were still too many emotions from that day that she wasn’t sure she wanted to deal with yet. Watching a replay in public was the last thing she wanted to do.
She brought the microwaved frozen meal to her couch and settled in, pressing play. Laughed when the Tagalog subtitles translated what Princess and Perlah had said. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.
Then she heard Robby mention his name. Heard Dana mention that he was getting some air. Hadn’t he already been gone by then? She wracked her brain trying to remember that day, if Jack had still been around at 7 am.
The rooftop scene. So that’s where he goes. When it ended, she couldn’t help herself. She paused and rewinded, replaying it. It was the most she would allow herself to see of him these days. A guilty pleasure that she would probably regret, but this, this was just a tv screen. Not the living, breathing Dr. Jack Abbot that was too dangerous to consider in real life.
She didn’t watch the show again until eleven weeks later, when she finally joined Javadi and Whitaker at Trinity’s place for a watch party. She knew they usually watched all the episodes together as they came out but had always excused herself. After the third decline they no longer asked, but they’d still talk about it at work. Actually, everyone was talking about it, including their patients. If she had a nickel for every time a patient called her “Slow-Mo”....
But she also noticed the times when women, especially women of color would seek her out, knowing that they’d be heard. It might slow down her case load, but she could never refuse them. She knew what the stakes were, what the numbers said, even if funding had dried up on her research.
After the episode where she correctly diagnosed Nandi aired, a care package had shown up at the ED addressed to Dr. Mohan. Inside were some high end (all domestic) cosmetics that she knew she’d probably never use but also a notecard from Nandi thanking her again for what she did. She had left her phone number at the bottom, and in a spontaneous moment of loneliness, Samira had texted her to thank her for the makeup and explain that she hadn’t needed to do that. Nandi responded almost immediately, and to Samira’s surprise, they had ended up becoming friends. She realized how nice it was to have someone outside of work to talk to, especially someone from a similar culture.
Because of Nandi and all the chatter at work, she was aware of when the MCI episodes were coming up. She’d already come to terms with the inevitability that she was going to watch them. But maybe, if she watched them with others, especially others who had experienced the same trauma together, it would be easier and healthier?
It ended up being brutal and heart wrenching, and there were plenty of tears. Samira realized that she had made the right decision though; this was something that was easier to go through together.
The next day, Nandi texted her.
Nandi: Holy shit, Dr. Abbot is hot!!! Is he single? Asking for a friend. You, you are that friend.
Despite herself, Samira laughed. She deflected with the partial truth because Nandi was treading dangerously close to a topic she was not ready to chat about with anyone, even a good friend outside of work.
Samira: He wears a wedding ring. And he’s my attending. My boss.
A thumbs up reaction was all the response she got.
The next week, Mel and McKay joined them. Even Garcia was there. She wished Langdon could’ve joined them, but she understood why he wasn't invited. When Robby broke down on the screen there was only silence. They looked at each other, wondering if anyone else had known. Whitaker stayed mysteriously quiet the rest of the night.
The following week, Shen and Ellis joined them. With the addition of the night shift residents, Samira couldn’t help but wonder if Jack would be joining too. She didn’t know whether she was relieved or disappointed when he didn’t. Relieved, she tried to convince herself.
At the end of the scene in the Pedes room, Trinity paused the show as was her right as the hostess.
“You never said anything, Huckleberry” she said to Whitaker. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”
“It wasn’t mine to tell.” They all silently agreed to never mention this to Robby. It was bad enough that the whole world was watching their mentor fall to pieces, they knew he wouldn’t want them to bring it up either.
A thought occurred to Samira. She turned to Shen and Ellis. “Do either of you know if Dr. Abbot is watching?” It was an innocuous enough question, safe enough to ask out loud.
“He told us not to,” responded Ellis. Shen just shrugged. It was a non-answer, but she didn’t think she would be getting a better one.
Santos pressed play again.
Watching the scene between Samira and Jack with the pigtail catheter aspiration was uncanny. She had replayed it so many times in her head, to be able to see what had actually happened and compare it with her own memories was…surreal. She was so in her head that she didn’t catch Ellis and Shen making meaningful eye contact behind her.
When the episode ended, Trinity reminded everyone, “Season finale next week.” Samira realized she was going to miss this and wished she had started watching with them earlier.
Lying in bed that night, she rewatched the pigtail catheter aspiration scene on her phone, focused on how he had walked her through the procedure, championed her over Walsh’s objections, and then praised her work. There, she paused the screen. She hadn’t misremembered. She rewound and watched it again.
“Solid work.”
“That was your save, not mine.”
“Take the win, Dr. Mohan.”
“Thanks!”
“Besides, it was a little too risky for me to do myself.”
Six months of overanalyzing the look in his eyes, the words he had said, the way his voice had rasped over the word “besides”, and now she could hold the memory in her hand, watch it on a digital Pensieve.
She realized she still needed a second opinion, still couldn’t trust her own eyes and ears.
Samira: Are you up? Have you watched the latest episode?
Nandi: What are you still doing up? And yes, I did!
Samira: Can I ask you a question?
Nandi: Sure, what’s up?
Samira hesitated. Typed, Did you notice… Erased it. You know that scene towards the end… Erased it.
Samira: Was Abbot flirting with me?
Nandi: [gif of Maria from Heated Rivalry saying “gurl” to Kip]
Samira stared at the gif, unsure of its meaning.
Nandi: YES!!!!
The affirmation was at the same time validating and concerning.
Samira: Thanks, I wasn’t sure.
Nandi: So what are you going to do about it?!
Unable to answer the question, Samira decided it was time to go to sleep. She’d answer Nandi tomorrow. Maybe.