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When you were a kid, which really wasn't that long ago, all you wanted was to be that guy, the coolest kid on campus. You were almost cool enough to be that guy before Earth had been blown up or set on fire or whatever had happened when the meteors all hit. It was impossible for you not to be that guy. With a Bro like yours, it was basically your destiny.
But here you are. Thirty three days, six hours, and forty eight seconds away from your sixteenth birthday and you're lying cheek to cheek on the floor with your drunk, ecto-twin sister, instead of dropping every hint imaginable that all you need to make you that cool kid is a beat up classic car from your Bro.
Rose is crapping on about something but you're only half listening. She'd stumbled in to the common room a little while earlier to find you staring up at the ceiling with headphones in; you hadn't bothered trying to explain you were trying to drown out the clock ticking in the control room at the other end of meteor. She'd sat beside you, facing the opposite direction, until she'd finished the glass of whatever booze she'd alchemised at some point during the sleep-cycle. Eventually, she'd laid down as well, with her head against yours, and there you'd stayed.
It's four thirty-six in the morning but you're not telling her that, you're the one that originally banned people from knowing the time because they kept rounding and it got too much for you to deal with. You've got too much going on right now, you want to tell her. You don't want to listen to her talk about any more bs, because everything you've got going on right now is bs, and all you want is to be back in Texas, living the coolkid dream.
DAVE: hey rose
ROSE: whap?
DAVE: i think karkles has gone sparkles for me
Rose laughs, and you're sure it's just the fact you opened your mouth that's set her off. She's saying something then, and it takes you a few tries to work out she's just struggling to say 'what' again.
DAVE: hes gone diamonds, pale, whatever
DAVE: he is so homo but not actually gay because aliens dont believe in gay in not quite love with me
DAVE: and im pretty sure he has been for a while
DAVE: like a year
DAVE: at least
DAVE: does that make me alien gay
DAVE: rose
She's still gigging to herself but you're not sure if it's because she's heard anything you've said, or if it's just the booze.That's another thing you'd be doing right now if you were back home, having the wildest keg party in the South while Bro was out. Or he'd have been the one to buy it for you. Either way, you've been robbed of something beautiful.
ROSE: He's nit pall fog yo.
You get the gist of what she's trying to say. It's probably sweet that she's still conscious enough to even listen to you talk about this shit.
ROSE: I thunk his fleshed.
ROSE: Flash.
ROSE: Flushed.
DAVE: what
ROSE: He locks yo
ROSE: Likes
ROSE: Like likes you
ROSE: fenggat
It takes you a full two minutes and eight seconds to work out that she's laughing so hard because she thinks she called you a faggot. It's nice to hear her laugh, even if it is at your expense, and right in your ear.
DAVE: on a scale of one to ten how drunk are you right now
ROSE: I wanbt some dorigos
ROSE: Do you have anee lepft?
DAVE: perfect
DAVE: so karkat
DAVE: im pretty sure hes in diamonds or whatever for me
DAVE: youve got an alien girlfriend
DAVE: and the whole diamonds thing is basically like human dating without all the boning right
DAVE: thats all ive managed to get out of his stupid movies because they dont make any sense
DAVE: fuck quadrants
DAVE: but not this one
DAVE: because i think im in this one
DAVE: and last time i asked myself the question
DAVE: do i want to have freaky alien not gay sex with my bro
DAVE: the vote was a unanimous fuck you to the concept
ROSE: Kabaya es soo preddyy tho
DAVE: yeah you are so perfectly wasted right now
DAVE: this is perfect
DAVE: youre not going to remember shit
DAVE: but anyway im sort of asking your advice on this one
DAVE: drunk advice but ill take it
DAVE: rose
DAVE: did you pass out
You tilt your head slightly to the right but that doesn't work out very well. Your nose is crushed against her cheek and its not exactly the most comfortable thing ever, but Rose laughs so you know she's still conscious. You're hoping to at least get some answers out of her before she actually does pass out. She pushes herself up and rolls onto her stomach, so now she's propped up on her elbows with her forehead almost level with your own.
ROSE: Okay, so the thign ist that you 'n Karkash are probs teh besht bros everh.
ROSE: Like, shuper cloose an everyfthing. Do you gree?
DAVE: yeah okay were bros but it doesnt mean i want to bang him ever
ROSE: Thas nought wha dimons ish bout thou.
ROSE: Dimons ish beuful. Ish like bein friens wig somefing but even butter.
DAVE: what
ROSE: Davey you're should be toterly spakles wife Karkles.
ROSE: You even cilled hem Karkles.
Then she's laughing so hard that her elbows fall out from underneath her, and her head falls sharply onto your collarbone. You shift your shoulder just enough that she falls onto the cool floor, but you're not worried about her face. She'll just think she walked into a doorway or something. Again. She rolls over again and ends up back where she was earlier, her right cheek pressed up against your left. You can feel the cold spot where her face hit the floor, and you're just hoping that she didn't break her nose because you don't need blood on your god pjs again.
DAVE: yeah because it rhymes with sparkles
DAVE: and dont call me davey
ROSE: Bit you lite Karklees cill you're Davey.
DAVE: no no i dont
ROSE: Bet you're will now.
DAVE: can we get back to the point
DAVE: i dont do troll quadrants
DAVE: i dont want to do troll quadrants
DAVE: if i did then everything wouldnt have gone to shit two hundred and twenty four days ago
DAVE: and yall wouldnt be this drunk all the time
DAVE: because i would have given enough of a shit at the time to stop you
DAVE: and now youre a fucking wreck as well
DAVE: but on the other hand im only talking to you about this shit because you wont remember it
DAVE: and i appreciate that
DAVE: just tell me what to do and my sober brain will translate it into an actually viable plan of action
ROSE: jest feck him lredy Davey
DAVE: that is the exact opposite of what i want to do
DAVE: ever
DAVE: jegus fucking christ
Rose is laughing again but this time it's not her hysterical drunk girl laugh, it's almost her condescending 'I know something you don't know' laugh. She reaches an arm over, and it takes a few tries, but she manages to remove your shades without tearing one of your eyes out. You take them from her and rest them on your chest, out her her reach. She didnt break them, but there's finger smudges all over the lenses that will take forever to clean off. You know that no one else is likely to walk in at this time in the morning so you don't really mind the shades thing, and Rose is still one of the few people to have seen you without them before anyway. It makes you uncomfortable to know Karkat is on that list, even if he only caught a glimpse that one time.
ROSE: Okey so din't feck hem and than you cen berth be relly, relly sad all the time.
DAVE: rose i just want some advice on being pale with someone
DAVE: thats the one without the fucking
DAVE: i dont want to fuck karkat
DAVE: ever
DAVE: do you hear me
DAVE: no fucking
DAVE: just tell me if being pale counts as being a complete homo
DAVE: and how much touching is involved
DAVE: if the answer to either question is the words
DAVE: a lot
DAVE: then i am so fucking out of this before it goes any further
ROSE: Relaaaaax, Davey.
ROSE: S'not homo, okay?
ROSE: Trolls dint ever have a theng called homo.
ROSE: They jest din't do homo.
DAVE: im pretty sure you and kanaya are homo
ROSE: Very.
ROSE: But you end Karkles isn't homo becise pale es the won wethout the ficking.
You're glad to have that confirmed, even if it is by your wreck of a drunk, space lesbian ecto-sister. And she's even used that annoying sing-song voice that girls get when she called him Karkles, as if there's more to it than the fact it rhymed but you can't help how sick your rhymes are.
DAVE: okay so its not homo
DAVE: but theres touching
DAVE: right
ROSE: Shore.
ROSE: Sure.
ROSE: Only nuff for et to bee nice.
DAVE: yeah im not down with the touching
ROSE: I dent thenk his relly fasted.
ROSE: Fest.
ROSE: He prolly disn't car becise all he wents es four yo two be hippy.
ROSE: Hoppy.
ROSE: Happy.
ROSE: Thet's the pint of bing pole with someone.
ROSE: They jest went you to bee so hoppy that they like after you end make shore you den't do things thet well got uour sorry ass hort.
ROSE: Hurt.
DAVE: huh
Somehow, Karkat had never explained it like that. He'd always said that being pale with someone was basically a regular relationship, human-style, minus the obvious. Rose, despite her current state, has summed it up more clearly than any of the stupid Alternian movies or books ever did. When she says it like that, that a moirallegiance is more about looking out for someone, and stopping them from getting hurt or losing control, it seems almost okay. The gears are turning, slowly, and you can kind of see why Karkat spent all that energy trying to get you out of your blanket pile after the Terezi fiasco. It doesn't entirely help because now she's explained it like that, yeah, you're more than a thousand percent sure that the guy is so pale for you it's not even funny.
DAVE: okay so hes pale for me
DAVE: what do i do now
ROSE: I den't now.
ROSE: Jest den't tile him thet you might bee a litle bit pile fur hem inless your mean it.
ROSE: His ben fecked round nuff, mmk?
She sounds sincere then, and you can see her point. You're pretty sure you've been a douche to him when the time hasn't really called for the need to be a douche. You'd apologise but you're sure that wouldn't help the situation. It doesn't sound so bad, really, but you're not sure if it's for you. The diamonds is probably the closest thing they have to friendship on their planet, and you guess it makes enough sense now. You don't see how a bro getting into a real relationship later down the line would be problematic as long as you put aside the fact that, to the trolls, it's some kind of romance. You'll just stop calling it that, and start calling it extreme bros, or something. That sounds better. Extreme bros sounds like something you can be part of.
Rose tips her face back towards yours and you can almost feel the sting in your eyes from her alcohol-laced breath. You raise your own hand to smooth out her hair, she's almost asleep now, and she reaches up and drags your fingers out of her hair but she doesn't let go. You do feel sorry for her, she's got herself into this position where every time she gets nervous she's hitting the bottle before she can realise the solution to the problem is right in front of her face. You wonder how things would have gone if you'd actually been raised together. You probably both would've died. You have no idea how your respective guardians managed not to drop you out windows.
She's still clinging to your fingers. You tip your head a little and press a kiss to her temple, and despite the mood it's hard not to make a joke about that one scene in Spiderman. You're fairly certain that would have been uncomfortable for Peter, but at least you're lying flat on the floor and don't need to worry about the blood rushing to your head. Rose tightens her grip on your fingers, just for a moment, then lets go again.
DAVE: you okay
She's not okay, she's passed out. You sigh, and work your fingers out of her grasp, then sit up. You pick up your shades and hang them from your shirt collar instead of putting them back on. There's a stack of pillows on the couch so you drag one to the floor and slip it under Rose's head. You throw a blanket from your pile over her as well, then move up onto the couch to sleep - you're not about to leave her alone in the common room.
You half wake when you feel someone grabbing at your chest. After a moment of panic you figure that if it was Gamzee, you'd be dead already. Instead, it's just your shades that are removed from their place hanging from your shirt, and are replaced with one of your blankets. You go with it, and keep your eyes closed.
It's one thirty-seven when you wake up to find Karkat sitting on the end of the couch, watching some Alternian sitcom, with your feet up on his lap because you don't both fit on the couch anymore. Instead of complaining, you just sit up, and greet him.
DAVE: hey